SELF-MASTERY A JOURNEY HOME TO YOUR…SELF! LESSON … · Feelings. The Language of Feelings is the language of your intuitive Self! Your heart feels the intuitive messages that are

SELF-MASTERY A JOURNEY HOME TO YOUR…SELF! LESSON FOUR

THE LANGUAGE OF FEELINGS The Language of Feelings is the Language of your Intuitive Self

I'll never forget that day because the weather outside perfectly mirrored the emotionally charged coaching session I was experiencing inside. I had just completed a session with a client who had a Ph.D. in mental health, when she exploded saying, "You don't know a damn thing about feelings!" Her emotional outburst angered me, for deep within me I realized that she was right. My client's intense frustration changed my life because her feelings made me realize that my Spirit was crying out for me to learn all that I could about the Language of Feelings. The Language of Feelings is the language of your intuitive Self! Your heart feels the intuitive messages that are sent to you by Spirit. Your uncomfortable feelings are messages that you are out of harmony with your Self. When you resist, repress, or deny your feelings, you disconnect yourself from your Self. Since the average emotional age of the adults in the US is only fourteen, and since most fourteen year olds have not mastered how to communicate their feelings, most of us have modeled caretakers who never learned how to maturely communicate how they feel.

“Focus your attention on the feelings inside you. Don’t think about it, don’t let your feelings turn into thinking. Stay present,

and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside of you!”

ECKHART TOLLE

The Language of Feelings is Yin energy. My experiences have taught me that the majority of us are disconnected from, and are resistant to, reconnecting with our Yin or feeling energy. Yin energy is the nurturing, intuitive, sensitive energy that all humans possess. I thank God that at least sometimes our society rewards women for displaying their feelings. In the book, Women and Their Emotions, author Miriam Neff states that, "There's something to be gained from a women's perspective on feelings. Women's feelings are typically more intense than a man's." Dr. Elaine Aron supports Neff's viewpoint about women's heightened emotional intensity in her book, The Highly Sensitive Person. Dr. Aron notes that twenty percent of the population possesses

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highly sensitive nervous systems and that ninety percent of these highly sensitive persons are women. In general, our society rewards us for suppressing our feelings. As a result, we "think" that we have little incentive or motivation to learn how to feel our feelings. This is no surprise, because we are taught that feelings have nothing to do with success. In fact, in some instances our Western society teaches us that feelings can actually hinder success. The Spiritual Distinction Meditation (in Lesson Nine) is an excellent exercise to help you reawaken your ability to feel what your intuitive heart is trying to tell you.

FEELINGS ARE NEITHER RIGHT NOR WRONG – THEY JUST ARE

The FEELINGS CHART for EMOTIONAL DISTINCTION is an excellent tool to help you interpret, use, and master your intuitive feelings. You can use it the same way you would use a dictionary to help you interpret Russian if you were visiting Russia and didn’t know how to speak the language. Your feelings are messages sent to you by your Self to help you feel your way through life. As you learn how to interpret the Language of Feelings, you’ll begin to feel your healing feelings, which will help you to row your boat serenely down the stream of life.

A HU NOTE: The challenge most people have with processing their feelings is that they are trying to process them through their “thinking mind.” You can’t THINK your FEELINGS. You either feel

them or you repress them with THOUGHTS.

When your Self sends you an intuitive message, such as frustration, it’s trying to communicate to you that something you are doing (or not doing) is out of harmony with your spiritual purpose for living (your Dharma). If you try to THINK about what you’re FEELING, you’ll simply pull up your history software from your mind. Your mind is a quagmire of recorded thoughts from your personal history. In an attempt to feel safe, sane, or secure, your mind will remember similar situations from your past. Therefore, if your past relationships were filled with heartbreak, then your mind, in an attempt to keep you from re-experiencing pain, will create any evidence that your ego needs to believe that your new relationship will also cause you pain. Your mind will try to tell you with thoughts how you “should feel” about your new relationship. This reminds me of the spiritual joke that asks… “Are you shoulding on your Self again?”


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HONOR your FEELINGS… FACE them, EMBRACE them, and then RELEASE them

When I’m afraid to feel my feelings (consciously or unconsciously), I’m experiencing the F.E.A.R. (again… False Evidence Appearing Real, or… illusion)

that my emotional denial creates. My fear surfaces as something other than what it actually is. Whether it’s blame, guilt, or indifference, my fear blocks what I’m really feeling, and because the real feeling is blocked, my mind transmutes it into something else. For example, if I’m feeling angry, but I was conditioned by my caretakers to believe that I’m not allowed to be angry, then I might transmute anger into a more acceptable emotion such as blame or sadness. Blocked, transmuted feelings will never make you feel better because, as you learned in Lesson #2,… Nothing changes until it becomes what it is. On my journey home to my Self, I discovered that I was rarely upset for the reasons my ego mind thought. My mind was constantly trying to justify my thoughts in an attempt to make me right. My mind made people, who used to trigger me emotionally, into enemies so that my anger was justified and my attacks warranted. In the past I was a slave to my mind, and therefore I unconsciously misused my relationships by rationalizing my behaviors to make myself right and others wrong! As a child, my mind learned these defensive maneuvers in order to survive. My challenge was that my old, defensive, child-like thought system was spiritually toxic, and it was preventing me from creating mature, spiritually based relationships. By defending myself, I alienated the people I loved and those who loved me. I learned, through failed relationships, that this behavior of justifying and rationalizing (rational lies) my actions just didn’t serve me well. The Language of Feelings taught me that if I no longer wanted to FEEL emotionally upset, I would have to find another way of processing my life. In order to change, I first had to be willing to lower my defenses and allow my Self to be emotionally vulnerable. By doing meditative practices, I realized that the walls I had erected to protect myself also kept the love and intimacy out. Living a spiritually awakened life takes a lot of emotional courage because you must learn to trust your inner Self enough to lower your defenses.

THE FEELINGS CHART

I’m extremely grateful that I discovered John Gray’s Feelings Chart. As soon as I saw it, I knew that John had saved me years of trial and error by developing a tool that would help me understand the Language of Feelings. Thank you God. Thank you John.

A HU NOTE: “Feelings aren’t right or wrong – they just are! Feelings are intuitive communications from your Self. They are the Language of Feelings!”

Your HEALING FEELINGS are intuitive messages that are sent to you by your Spirit. Your uncomfortable feelings aren’t bad or wrong; they are just emotional warnings that you are out of harmony with your Self! When you resist, repress or deny your healing feelings, you disconnect yourself from your inner Self.

A JI NOTE1: In deciphering the Language of Feelings Chart, I find that the easiest way to begin is by looking at the “Emotional Block” column, which is on the far right. I start here because I am

usually blocking my healing feeling. As an example, I will take the first emotional block of “Blame.” If I find myself blaming someone for my problems, and I look all the way over to the left

on the chart under “Healing Feeling,” I see that what I am really feeling is Anger. But why am I angry? For some insight into this question I look at the next column labeled “Holistic Function,” and I see that the reason that my intuitive heart is sending me an anger message is to tell me that my boundaries have been violated. To double check this translation, I can then look to column #3, “General Feeling,” to see if I have been feeling betrayed in any way. Remember that the Language

of Feelings is not an “exact science.” You may be feeling more than one healing feeling or be experiencing more than one emotional block. The purpose of the Chart is to help you to decipher

the language….not unlike a foreign language dictionary – it can help you to a degree – but you have to put the words together to form a meaning.

The more you feel your HEALING FEELINGS (left column), the better you’ll feel and the faster you’ll heal! The longer you BLOCK your HEALING FEELINGS with UNHEALTHY EMOTIONS (right column), the worse you’ll feel and the longer it will take you to heal. Feelings are listed below as nouns; change them to adjectives if you prefer: angry, sad, scared, sorry, frustrated, disappointed, worried…ashamed, etc _____________________ 1 Ji~ is Jane Christ’s spiritual name.


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THE FEELINGS CHART FOR EMOTIONAL DISTINCTION

HEALING FEELING HOLISTIC BENEFITS GENERAL FEELING EMOTIONAL BLOCK

1. Anger Boundary Defense Betrayal Blame 2. Sadness Endings Abandonment Depression 3. Fear Warning Uncertainty Anxiety 4. Sorrow Grief Powerlessness Indifference 5. Frustration Persistence Dissatisfaction Judgment 6. Disappointment Detachment Discouragement Indecision 7. Worry Preparation Helplessness Procrastination 8. Embarrassment Self-Acceptance Inadequacy Perfectionism 9. Envy Motivation to Change Deprivation Resentment/Jealousy 10. Hurt Self-Awareness Exclusion Self-Pity 11. Fear Beginnings Hopelessness Confusion 12. Shame Remorse Unworthiness Guilt

THE HEALING FEELINGS ARE… NORMAL, NATURAL AND NECESSARY ADAPTED FROM A CHART ORIGINALLY CREATED BY JOHN GRAY

HOW TO READ THE FEELINGS CHART

The feeling or energy of ANGER is the energy you use to protect you and your boundaries so that you will feel safe in the world. If you block your feelings of anger you will usually blame others or yourself and in so doing affirm your lack of power. The feeling of SADNESS is used to create closure when something ends; but if you block yourself from feeling sad you can easily slip into a depression. FEAR is a warning energy. It stimulates your adrenals to fight or take flight. If you block or resist your natural feelings of fear you will feel overwhelmed and anxious. The energy of SORROW is designed to help you grieve your losses. When you don't give yourself permission to grieve you will become so emotionally hard that you become indifferent to people you love. FRUSTRATION is the energy that helps you to persist when things take much longer than you expected. When you block your normal feelings of frustration you'll usually become judgmental of others and yourself. DISAPPOINTMENT is the energy that will help you to detach and move on with your life when things end. When you refuse to feel your natural


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and necessary feelings of disappointment you will act indecisive and feel discouraged. WORRY helps you to take action and prepare for the project at hand. When you block yourself from feeling worried because you are not well prepared, you will procrastinate about what to do and you will not take the actions that are necessary for you to succeed. EMBARRASSMENT allows you to accept yourself as you are. If you block your feelings of embarrassment you will feel as though you always need to be "perfect" which is an unachievable objective. ENVY is a motivational feeling that helps you to change for the better. If you block yourself from feeling envious, you become jealous of what other people have. HURT helps you to become aware of the source of your pain so that you can heal it. When you don't allow yourself to feel hurt, you slip into a cycle of self-pity and go around feeling sorry for yourself. FEAR is also a normal and natural uncomfortable feeling associated with starting something new. When you resist your scared feelings you'll become confused, which will immobilize you and stop you from learning from your new experience. SHAME is the energy you feel when you do something that doesn't serve you or others well. If you have the emotional courage to feel the shame associated with your actions, you will feel remorseful, which will help you to not do it again. But when you don't feel the shame associated with your less- than-perfect actions, you will feel guilty about what you did, which solves nothing. Guilt is self-judgment, where shame helps you to own why your less-than-perfect actions don't work, which helps you not to do it again…

If you block your healing feelings, you are blocking all the benefits from coming to you, which makes your life much more difficult than it needs to be because, by blocking your healing feelings, you are disconnecting yourself from your Higher powers.

YOU CAN’T HEAL WHAT YOU ARE UNWILLING TO FEEL!

When I first mustered up the courage to feel my healing feelings, it took me anywhere from twenty-four to seventy-two hours to FEEL and not THINK about what my Self was trying to communicate to me. Many of my students are afraid to feel their healing feelings because they don’t want to drag up the past. They tell me


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that it’s just too painful to deal with. I then remind them that their pain is not coming from their healing feelings. What is causing their pain is their RESISTANCE to feeling their healing feelings.

A HU NOTE: Your healing objective is to feel and release what really happened to you so that you won’t have to unconsciously keep reliving it over and over again.

Better to feel your blocked pain for ten minutes to heal it, then it is to keep reliving it over and over again for the next ten to twenty years or more!

FEEL FIRST…THINK SECOND There are two ways that you can process your life: through your intuitive heart (feelings) or through your intellect (ego mind). I believe that processing your life by FIRST using your intuitive heart is extremely important because it allows you to draw upon your connection with infinite wisdom. After you feel emotionally centered and you can feel what it is you want to do (or not do), then you can process it through your intellectual mind. You can visualize the two ways of processing your life using this illustration. Your ego mind is like a small desktop computer. It’s a defensive, fear-based system designed to protect you by recording any stimuli that has caused you pain in your past. Its primary function is survival. It’s a system that uses the language of WORDS as its energy source.

“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time, and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry, and all forms of fear are caused by

too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness

are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” ECKHART TOLLE


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YOU CAN PROCESS YOUR LIFE… THROUGH YOUR FEELINGS OR YOUR THOUGHTS!

Your Spirit is also like a computer, but it’s as big as a 100-story building. It’s a love-based system, designed for growth, empowerment, creation, mastery, and unity. It’s a system that uses the language of FEELINGS as its energy source.

A HU NOTE: Are you a think-aholic? Most of our society is made up of people

who use thinking as their primary way of processing their life. Personally, I've spent most of my life as a think-aholic. Most people can't distinguish

the difference between their thinking mind and their Spirit, and therefore their ego becomes their god.

By first processing your life through the Language of Feelings, you are allowing your heart to feel, from a place of infinite wisdom, love, and compassion, what your Spirit is trying to communicate to you. But, when you process your life through your ego mind first, you are using a fear-based system, which was designed to keep you safe at all costs—meaning, it’s a


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defensive system that will try to defend and protect you using ego defenses such as denial, repression, minimizing, or dissociation. Your ego will supply you with any evidence that you need to keep you safe from anything or anyone that it perceives might cause you harm.

“The more I resist my feelings, the more powerful the message becomes. Pain is the motivator; change is what happens when the pain of holding on

becomes greater than the fear of letting go!” TERRY MOON

Another way to visualize this two-step process is by creating a visualization of a bicycle built for two. Your intuitive heart (Spirit) needs to ride up front and steer so that it can make the decisions of what to do next and with whom to do it. Your ego mind needs to sit in the back seat so that it can follow the commands that are being sent to it from your intuitive heart. Remember that you want to USE your mind, not be USED by it.

HEALING FEELING TRUISMS

To help you determine your healing feeling objectives, one of the SMA questions asks you to rate each of the following from one to ten, with ten being the truisms that most highly emotionally resonate with your personal history. After rating them all from 1-10, select your top ten, rewrite them in first party and entitle them … My Healing Feeling Objectives. ⇒ Most people are think-aholics because they can't distinguish the difference between their thinking mind and their Spirit; therefore their ego becomes their god.

⇒ What is painful is resisting, blocking and denying your true healing feelings, not feeling them.

⇒ When you feel your painful feelings, you are releasing your “emotional constipation” associated with them, which makes you feel great.

⇒ As children, many people had to substitute ego defenses for the absent love of their emotionally distant caretaker. They used these ego defenses to feel loved, protected, appreciated, and safe. It was a kind of “short-term high” that numbed the painful feelings that were created by emotional violations of distance.

⇒ It’s better to feel your blocked feelings for ten minutes in order to heal them, than to keep blocking them, which causes you to relive them over and over again for the next ten to twenty years.

⇒ Your uncomfortable feelings aren’t bad or wrong; they are just emotional warnings that you are out of harmony with yourself! When you resist, repress, or deny your feelings, you disconnect yourself from your inner Self.

⇒ Feelings never lie, but your ego does. It tells you rational-lies.

⇒ Let your feelings be what they are… intuitive messages from your Self. If you are feeling sad, feel sad; don’t think about why you are feeling sad; just feel sad.


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⇒ The challenge most people have with processing their feelings is that they are trying to process them through their “thinking mind.” You can’t THINK your FEELINGS. You either feel them or you repress them with THOUGHTS.

⇒ Your painful emotions are "SIGNPOSTS" that show you what you still need to heal.

⇒ Addictions are another way to block your feelings. You unconsciously block your feelings with food, sex, and drugs. You confuse these temporary “highs” with authentic inner love. Remember that an addiction is any compulsive act that, no matter how much you do it, it will never satisfy your real needs… love and wholeness.

⇒ By first processing your life through your feelings, you are allowing your heart to feel what your Spirit is trying to communicate to you from a place of infinite wisdom, love, and compassion.

⇒ When you process your life through your Ego-Mind first, you are using a fear-based system, which was designed to keep you safe at all costs. Therefore it will give you any evidence that you need to believe and feel that you are right.

⇒ Your painful feelings are "friends" that come bearing gifts that can set you FREE.

⇒ If you have the wisdom to feel your feelings (vs. thinking them), they will grant you the gift of inner Self-awareness; it’s this truth that sets you free.

⇒ Your reliance on "thinking" for "relief" of your painful feelings is your ego's attempt to make you feel better without doing the necessary work.

⇒ Your spiritual Self-mastery will only happen after you… Feel your Feelings.

⇒ Feeling your feelings with the intent to learn from them, and with the knowledge that your feelings are gifts from God, is communing directly with God in a very personal way.

⇒ HONOR your FEELINGS…FACE them, EMBRACE them and then RELEASE them.

⇒ When your Self sends you an intuitive message, such as frustration, it’s trying to communicate to you that something you are doing (or not doing) or something that someone else is doing (or not doing), is out of harmony with your spiritual purpose for living (your Dharma).

⇒ Instead of analyzing your feelings, which just disconnects you from your feelings even more, your job is to identify what feeling you are repressing, denying, or minimizing.

⇒ When you use ego defenses to numb (repress, deny, minimize, etc.) your feelings you lose energy, because you are using your energy to resist what you are really feeling.

⇒ FEELINGS AREN’T RIGHT, WRONG, GOOD, OR BAD… THEY JUST ARE!

⇒ Your reliance on "thinking" to relieve your painful feelings is an illusional shortcut that leads to emotional dysfunction.

⇒ If you have repressed any anger towards someone in your life, then before you can forgive him or her you’ll need to express your repressed anger, because what you don’t express, you’ll emotionally repress and anything that you repress, you get to keep.

⇒ The secret key to unconditionally loving yourself is to learn how to process your life through your feelings first and your intellectual or” think-think” mind second.

⇒ Learning to experience your feelings is one of the most difficult tasks that you will ever have to undertake. Remember that learning to feel your feelings is a process, so be patient with yourself.

⇒ Forgiveness is a self-protection mechanism that helps you to feel your feelings.


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⇒ When you forgive someone it helps you to release your blocked feelings. Forgiveness will melt away your past fears and hurt feelings as naturally as sunlight melts away snow after a late spring storm.

⇒ In order to change, you must be willing to lower your ego defenses and allow yourself to feel emotionally vulnerable. Your healing objective is to see, feel and release what really happened to you so that you won’t have to unconsciously keep reliving it over and over again.

⇒ Pain is the motivator; change is what happens when the pain of holding on to your uncomfortable feelings becomes greater than your fear of letting them go.

⇒ You are using up enormous amounts of life force energy holding on to your blocked feelings. Processing your life through your feelings is ninety percent more energy efficient than thinking.

⇒ To master the Language of Feelings, you’ll need to unconditionally accept that in a perfectly evolving Universe, what happened to you was “perfect” for the spiritual evolution of your immortal soul, even if at this time you don’ t have the foresight or insight to understand why.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE LESSON?

I once sent a student outside on a cold winter day to experience a healing process. She only had on a light tee shirt and I told her to use her mind to resist the cold. Her way of resisting the cold was saying things such as, “I hate being out here.” “I don’t want to do this.” “Why are you making me do this?” “I don’t understand what this has to do with my healing feelings.” “I’m mad at you for even asking me to do this.” “I hope I don’t get sick!” and so on. Then I told her to stop resisting being cold and to … just be cold. She started to rub her arms and hands, jog in place and just allowed herself to … feel the cold! Almost immediately after she allowed herself to just feel cold she said, “Since I don’t have to resist being cold anymore, I’m going inside to put my coat on.”

“The journey into the heart is our future – learning to experience emotions is one of the most difficult tasks that we undertake – becoming emotionally aware is a process – you must become

aware of what you are feeling to create authentic power!”

GARY ZUKAV & LINDA FRANCIS

As soon as she stopped RESISTING feeling cold, she took action to feel better. Nothing changes until it becomes what it actually is! And so it will be with you. As soon as you allow yourself to FEEL your healthy feelings, you’ll take action and feel better quickly. What you are experiencing when you don’t allow yourself to feel your natural healing feelings is resistance. This resistance creates uncomfortable sensations caused by your BLOCKING what you are actually feeling. The uncomfortable sensations that emotional blocks create are actually your


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resisting what your spirit wants you to feel in order to help you to emotionally realign yourself.

A HU NOTE: Usually when someone evolves to the point that they can enjoy reading a spiritual textbook like this one, they have taken the thinking train of life

as far as it was designed to go. Now if they choose to transcend their thinking mind (ego), they must be willing to switch trains and board the feeling train, because feeling

is the language of your intuitive heart, which is the language of your spirit!

While growing up, many of us heard our parents make statements to us such as, “How dare you get angry at me, I’m your mother!” “I’ll give you something to be sad about.” “There’s nothing to be afraid of!” “Now, now don’t cry!” “You think you’re sorry now… wait until I get a hold of you!” “What does a child of your age have to worry about?” So, is it any wonder that you BLOCK your HEALING FEELINGS?

THE LONGER YOU BLOCK YOUR FEELINGS

THE WORSE YOU’LL FEEL

If you notice that you’re experiencing an emotional block (right column) such as blame, refer to the corresponding healing feeling (left column), which is anger. Then ask your Self, “What am I angry about?” Or “Am I angry with another or myself?” Notice what general feeling you are feeling. Test to see if you are feeling the general feeling that applies. If not, trust your inner Self to find the correct healing feeling that feels right. Don’t be surprised if you feel several feelings at once. Just ask your Self, “Which one is my most powerful feeling?” After awhile you’ll know what your primary feeling is because it will FEEL right to you. Then simply allow your Self to feel sad if you feel sad or feel angry if you feel angry. Don’t allow your mind to fret over why you’re feeling what you are feeling (which is thinking vs. feeling), just allow yourself to feel what you are feeling until you get an intuitive “Aha!”


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MOOD SCALE SERENE/JOYFUL/BE HERE NOW

ENTHUSIASTIC OPTIMISTIC

CONTENT BORED

ANGRY (Yang energy) PESSIMISTIC FRUSTRATED IMPATIENT

DISAPPOINTED BLAME- (shame, victim, game)

WORRIED SCARED

HATRED/RAGE REVENGE

INSECURE/GUILTY IMMOBILIZED/DEPRESSED/POWERLESS

Before long, you’ll know why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Your intuitive Self will communicate to you the purpose for the feeling communication. If you allow your mind to THINK about what you are FEELING, you’ll stop your Self from communicating to you what you need to know. Just allow your Self to feel it. After your intuitive Self has communicated to you why you are feeling the way you are feeling, you can then allow your thinking mind to process it using the wisdom that you’ve acquired through your life experiences. You can learn how to process your life through the Language of Feelings, like so many others have, if you are willing to commit, study, practice, and emotionalize these self-mastery lessons.

A HU NOTE: Again, addictions are another way that we can block our Healing Feelings. We unconsciously attempt to block our feelings with food, sex, and drugs. We confuse these temporary “highs” with authentic inner love. Remember that an addiction is any compulsive act that, no matter how much you do it, will never satisfy your real need.

To get the most out of the FEELINGS CHART you will need to use it as a general reference guide. For example, if you notice that you are blaming someone, it won’t always mean that you are repressing anger. It could also mean that you are afraid or ashamed. So use the chart as a feeling reference guide, but trust your intuitive Self to tell you what healing feeling you are really feeling.


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YOU PROCESS FEELINGS… THE SAME WAY YOU PROCESS FOOD

Processing healthy feelings can be as natural for you as processing healthy food. A healthy body processes food by ingesting, digesting, processing, and eliminating. You take food into your mouth (ingest it). Then your body breaks it down so you can digest it. Then your blood circulates your digested food to your cells so that it can be processed into energy. Lastly, the food that can’t be processed is eliminated. You process feelings in the same way. Something happens to you, such as the death of a loved one, which forces you to ingest feelings such as sadness. Next, you’ll digest it by breaking it down to feel how your loss will affect you. Next, you’ll spend a few months grieving your emotional loss by processing this change into your life. Lastly, when you are done grieving, you’ll eliminate the sadness so that you can move forward with your life. If you were raised by parents who knew how to speak the Language of Feelings, you would process your feelings as naturally and unconsciously as you do your food. And that’s my hope for you… that you’ll learn how to speak the Language of Feelings so well that you won’t have to “think” about it because you’ll become so proficient at feeling your intuitive feelings that you’ll do it automatically. If you decide to commit to learning how to speak the Language of Feelings, remember that you are learning a whole new language. Learning the Language of Feelings is no different than learning how to speak any other language. Don’t underestimate the effort that it takes to master it because it takes commitment, effort, concentration, and practice. I’m sharing this with you because the ego mind will try to prevent you from learning the Language of Feelings. It usually does this by having you underestimate the effort it actually takes for you to master how to speak and understand the Language of Spirit.

A HU NOTE: The SEVEN TOOLS that will help you to master the Language of Feelings are: 1. The FEELINGS CHART… your dictionary 2. The DISTURBING FEELINGS POEM… your action plan 3. FIRST PARTY COMMUNICATION… your feeling first communication tool.

4. The SPIRITUAL DISTINCTION MEDITATION… your exercise program to teach you how to feel the difference between your mind and your Spirit. 5. SELF-PARENTING…your self-

nurturing program that will fulfill your emotional dependency needs. 6. VALIDATION PROCESS… to validate what you are feeling 7. LESSON FOUR… when you take the time to study, practice, and emotionalize this lesson until it becomes part of your consciousness,

then processing your life through your feelings will be as automatic as dialing a phone.


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Teach your family and friends how to use the Feelings Chart. Teach them because… “what you give away you get to keep.” Post the FEELINGS CHART all over your house and refer to it every time you notice that a feeling is beginning to surface.

DISTURBING FEELINGS

“When I regard a so-called disturbing feeling as a mistake, my spiritual practice becomes a Path of needing to fix myself. Thus, my spiritual practice becomes the long path!

If I indulge in my so-called disturbing feelings, “thinking” it’s something concrete when it’s only relatively real, then my disturbing feeling becomes…

the cause that binds me to my Karma.

If I look directly into my so-called disturbing feeling, and I don’t deliberately reject it, or regard it as a fault, or indulge in it concretely, or regard it as a virtue,

if I just feel it and allow it to be what it is, an intuitive message from my Spirit…

then all my so-called disturbing feelings that arise are WISDOM the moment I relax enough to feel them with the awareness that what I’m feeling is perfect

for the evolution of my immortal soul!”

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

The Disciplinas and the Spiritual Distinction Meditation will help you to master your Ego-Mind and open your heart chakra. They will help you to detach from the extrinsic aspects of daily life. The practice of meditation is especially important because it trains you to quiet your mind so that you can hear what your intuitive heart is trying telling you. There are numerous methods of meditation to choose from. Whichever method you choose, you will need to practice it daily. Make it a daily habit to go into a meditative silence, to emotionally align your Self, and to train your Ego-Mind to obey your Spirit.

FORGIVENESS WILL HELP YOU TO FEEL AGAIN Forgiveness means to unconditionally accept that what happened really happened. What you “think” about what happened to you is just your Ego-Mind’s opinion. This opinion glues your old painful feelings to you, causing you to re-live them over and over again. So you ask yourself the question… “Why is this happening to me… again?” You want to learn from the past, but once you have surfaced and healed past hurts, you don’t want to unconsciously keep reopening them. You use up enormous amounts of life force energy holding on to your blocked or repressed feelings. This weakens you and makes you more susceptible to illness and depression. You need to let go of your past hurt feelings and live in the present moment. It is important to note that this does


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not mean that you are condoning what happened. Instead, it means that you refuse to accept it any longer as a toxic influence in your life.

A HU NOTE: Forgiveness occurs when you are ready to release your Self from painful

feelings that you are attached to from your past. Forgiveness releases you from the blame, shame, victim game. Forgiveness is a self-protection mechanism.

If you have repressed any anger (a healing feeling) towards someone in your life, then before you can forgive him or her, you’ll need to express your repressed anger because what you don’t express, you’ll emotionally repress and anything that you repress, you get to keep. Anger is a healing feeling and you can learn how to holistically use it to defend your boundaries. It’s the flight or fight feeling. If you or someone you love were being attacked, your body would naturally produce anger for the purpose of protection. Chemically speaking, we call this an adrenalin rush. The Holistic Function of “anger” is to produce the life force energy that you need to protect your boundaries.

SUFFERING DOES NOT DIMINISH WHEN YOU MAKE IT UNCONSCIOUS

When your pain is deep, you will likely have a strong urge to escape from it rather than surrender to it. What could be more normal?

But suffering does not diminish in intensity when you make it unconscious with food, sex, drugs or work.

When you deny your emotional pain, everything you do or think, as well as your relationships, becomes contaminated with it. You broadcast it, so to speak, by the energy you emanate.

Others will pick it up subliminally because you attract and manifest whatever corresponds to your inner state; therefore, you create even more pain.

When there is no way out of your suffering, there is still always a way through it.

Do not turn away from your pain. Face it. Feel it fully. Feel it – don't think about it! Express it if necessary, but don't create a script in your mind around it. Give all your attention to what you are

feeling, not to the person, event or situation that seems to have caused it.

Don't let your mind use your pain as an excuse to create a victim identity. Feeling sorry for yourself and telling others your story will keep you stuck in suffering even longer.

Since it is impossible to get away from what you are feeling, the only possibility of change is to move into it; otherwise, nothing will shift.

Give your complete attention to what you feel and refrain from mentally labeling it. As you go into your feelings, be intensely alert. At first, your feelings may seem like a dark and terrifying

place…but when the urge to turn away from them comes, observe that urge, but don't act on it.

Keep putting your attention on your pain. As you do so you will bring the light of truth into your darkness. This is the flame of your Self consciousness burning off the cause of your pain,

which usually is rooted in some sort of denial of “what is.” ECKHART TOLLE

When you project negative, hateful, repressed feelings... you lose energy. If you don’t learn how to “forgive your trespassers,” you’ll find that your life


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force energy will just keep draining away. Until you forgive “them,” you’ll find it almost impossible to heal.

“The purpose of forgiveness is to release you from the past.”

CAROLINE MYSS

Until you unconditionally accept your past, it will inhibit you from living fully present in the now. When you are fully present and focused in the now… the only thing that exists is love. That’s why awakened masters are awakened masters… they live fully present in the now. All of their life force energy is manifesting in the now – unlike many of us whose life force energy is weakened because our attention is focused in the past or future.

A HU NOTE: Forgiving someone helps you to release your blocked feelings. Forgiveness will melt away your past fears and hurt feelings as naturally as

sunlight melts away snow after a late spring storm.

To master the Language of Feelings you’ll need to unconditionally accept that, in a perfectly evolving Universe, what happened to you was “perfect” for the spiritual evolution of your immortal soul even if at this time you don’t have the foresight or insight to understand why.

BOUNDARIES AND FEELINGS

Boundaries are an important element of the Language of Feelings. If you never learned how to maturely protect your boundaries, you'll block your feelings with ego defenses. A defensive personality will challenge even the most committed relationship. You can learn to develop healthy boundaries by learning how to communicate your feelings. A boundary is a limit that promotes healthy feelings. Healthy boundaries come from your conscious awareness of the distinction between you and the people with whom you share your life. There are two types of boundaries: Physical Boundaries and Emotional Boundaries.

A HU NOTE: Boundaries protect you and make you feel safe. When you get a scratch, it breaches the physical barrier of your skin, and that breach makes you vulnerable to

infection. When someone trespasses your emotional, physical, or sexual boundaries, you also become vulnerable to harm. When someone trespasses your boundaries, it’s called a

Boundary Violation. There are two types of boundary violations: Violations of intrusion and violations of emotional distance.

Growing up with verbally abusive caretakers creates a form of toxic shame that causes a child to use emotional blocks to harden his or her feelings. These childhood violations manifest as feelings of inferiority. Nothing that


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she says, does, or feels is okay because her feelings aren’t valid, her ideas are crazy, and her desires are stupid. Verbal abuse makes you feel like you are flawed and defective. Parents who call their children “stupid,” “crazy,” and so on wound them with every word until the child believes, “No matter what I do, I’ll never measure up.” Dr Michael Ryce defines sarcasm as, “Society’s form of acceptable verbal abuse.” Parents who verbally abuse their children usually do so because it’s what they learned from their parents. They act out on their children in the same way that their parents acted out on them. It’s a barbaric tradition where the sins of the father are passed onto the son – a tradition where control, rigidity, and perfectionism are more important than self-esteem, self-awareness, and unconditional love. The only way to break this cycle is to feel your Healing Feelings and eliminate the Emotional Blocks that are keeping you from hearing your intuitive messages of love.

THE INTIMACY PARADOX

EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE AND BOUNDARIES DEFENDED

Paradox is a phenomenon that happens when two concepts appear to be contradictory, but aren’t. What you’ll come to realize is that

life consists of numerous paradoxes that a Self-mastered person learns to balance.

Violations of Emotional Distance occur when intimacy is less than what is appropriate for the relationship. Violations of Emotional Distance are difficult to validate because the wounds were caused by… “what wasn’t done to you.” Emotional distance harms children because they need emotional and physical closeness from their caretakers. If as a child you were excessively removed or emotionally cut off from your caretakers, it hurt you emotionally. These emotional wounds caused you to create emotional blocks, which make feeling your healing feelings that much more challenging. If, as a child, your parents usually talked to you only to give you orders or to reprimand you, know that what you experienced is a violation of emotional distance. Children need hugs, affection, and emotional intimacy from their parents in order to feel safe and secure! When children don’t receive enough emotional nurturing, they learn to Block their feelings in order to feel safe. Very few of us had all of our emotional dependency needs met. Therefore, as adults we must learn how to fill our own emotional dependency needs. I designed these Self-mastery lessons to do just that. These emotional processes will teach you how to fill your emotional dependency needs that


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your parents weren’t able to fill, but only if you are willing to commit, study, practice, internalize and emotionalize these Self-mastery lessons. My boundary Self-mastery Assignments (SMA) were developed from the Boundaries Book by Anne Katherine. Anne was my boundary teacher and her healing exercises are excellent. I recommend that you make her book part of your professional library.

FEELINGS BURIED ALIVE NEVER DIE At the end of Karol K. Truman’s book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die, she states, “After incorporating these elements into your daily life, it will become evident to you that you do have the ability to communicate [the Language of Feelings], to be congruent in what you feel, think, say, and do.” When you learn how to speak the Language of Feelings, you’ll quickly start to feel better, better than you’ve ever felt before! Processing your life through your feelings is ninety percent more energy efficient than thinking, so you’ll have much more energy to build a life that even the gods themselves would envy.

“I want to know if you are willing to disappoint another in order to be true to your authentic self.”

ORIAH MOUNTAIN DREAMER, INDIAN ELDER

When you use the Language of Feelings as the primary way to process your life, you’ll start to manifest all your hopes and dreams and you’ll feel that… “I am a Self-mastered Be-ing of light and love. I understand the Language of my Intuitive Heart, the Language of Love, the Language of Spirit. I can feel my inner Self and I know that I am ONE with all life everywhere and that makes me feel wonderful!”


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THE LANGUAGE OF FEELINGS SMA

INSTRUCTION: Answer these questions in first party, using “I” instead of “you.” Answer the questions in such a way that it demonstrates your understanding of this lesson, as well as your understanding of how you can use this knowledge to help you achieve Self-mastery. PART 1:

1. Why is the Language of Feelings the language of your intuitive Self? 2. Why is the Language of Feelings a challenge for most men? 3. Why do people try to process their feelings through their thinking mind? 4. Why is it essential to lower your defenses when you want to feel your feelings? 5. Create seven ways to use the FEELINGS CHART in your daily life to help you feel better faster. 6. Name three ways you can use the Mood Scale to help you to better understand your feelings. 7. Rate the Healing Feeling Truisms from one to ten, with ten being the truisms that most highly emotionally resonate with your personal history. After rating them all from one to ten, select your top ten, rewrite them in first party and entitle them… My Healing Feeling Objectives. 8. Surface seven answers to this sentence completion: “What I experienced and learned by doing this SMA is…” PART 2: 1. Take each one of the Twelve Emotional Blocks from the feelings chart and give real world examples of how you block your healing feelings instead of feeling what you are actually feeling. Also, explain how you can use the corresponding healing feeling instead of the emotional block. Use examples from your daily life (work, spouse, parents, etc.). 2. Practice validating your feelings by writing why it’s N.ormal, N.atural and N.eccessary (three N’s) for you to feel your Twelve Healing Feelings using real life examples. 3. Describe why each of the Twelve Holistic Functions (column two on the Feelings

Chart) are the benefits that you will receive for feeling the Twelve Healing Feelings. 4. How can you form the habit of using the Feelings Chart until you master using it?

5. The Disturbing Feelings Poem…is your action plan. Why is the Disturbing Feelings Poem your action plan for mastering the Language of Feelings?

6. How can you form the habit of using the Disturbing Feelings Poem until you master using it?

7. Why is the Spiritual Distinction Meditation… your Exercise Program to teach you how to feel the difference between your mind and your Spirit?

8. How does the Spiritual Distinction Meditation train you to feel the difference between your mind and your spirit?


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9. When you take the time to study, practice, internalize and emotionalize the Language of Feelings, it will become part of your consciousness. What do you need to do to make the Language of Feelings part of your consciousness? 10. How does forgiveness release you from the past? 11. Why are boundaries such an important element of the Language of Feelings? 12. Why is intellectual knowledge easier to acquire than emotional knowledge? 13. Surface seven answers to this sentence completion: “What I experienced and learned by doing this SMA is…”

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SELF-MASTERY A JOURNEY HOME TO YOUR…SELF! LESSON … · Feelings. The Language of Feelings is the language of your intuitive Self! Your heart feels the intuitive messages that are

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