Self-Care: Staying the Course Jill Taylor-Brown, MSW,RSW Director, Patient and Family Support Services Perinatal Loss and Palliative Care – A Women's Health.

Self-Care: Self-Care: Staying the CourseStaying the Course

Jill Taylor-Brown,Jill Taylor-Brown, MSW,RSW MSW,RSW

Director, Patient and Family Support ServicesDirector, Patient and Family Support Services

Perinatal Loss and Palliative Care – A Women's Health Conference 2008

Learning Goals:Learning Goals:

► Reflect on the learner’s own responses Reflect on the learner’s own responses to emotionally difficult situations.  to emotionally difficult situations. 

► Give examples of positive coping Give examples of positive coping strategies for dealing with emotionally strategies for dealing with emotionally difficult situations.difficult situations.

► Identify resources which can be utilized Identify resources which can be utilized when caregivers notice their own when caregivers notice their own compassion fatigue.compassion fatigue.

How do we maintain and sustain How do we maintain and sustain

ourselves in our work?ourselves in our work?

What makes this work hard?

What makes this work worth it?

Compassion FatigueCompassion Fatigue

►There is a cost of caring.There is a cost of caring.

►Those who listen to clients’ stories Those who listen to clients’ stories of suffering may feel similar of suffering may feel similar suffering.suffering.

Eugene DufourEugene Dufour

Bearing WitnessBeing Present

Witnessing stories of fear, pain, loss and suffering of others may evoke similar feelings ……

What You Are Witnessing?What You Are Witnessing?

► ShockShock► FearFear► HopeHope► HopelessnessHopelessness► AngerAnger► PanicPanic► SufferingSuffering

► Overwhelming Overwhelming SadnessSadness

► DepressionDepression► GriefGrief► ReliefRelief► ConfusionConfusion► PainPain► AnxietyAnxiety

Staying Involved and Staying Involved and BalancedBalanced

►““To sense the client’s world as if it To sense the client’s world as if it were your own, but without ever were your own, but without ever losing the ‘as if’ quality – this is losing the ‘as if’ quality – this is empathy.”empathy.”

Carl Carl

RogersRogers

Why is it Soooo Hard Why is it Soooo Hard Sometimes?Sometimes?

Because we are human…Because we are human…

(and this is a good thing)(and this is a good thing)

Why else?Why else?

►HelplessnessHelplessness

►Our Own History (especially loss Our Own History (especially loss history)history)

►Vulnerability/mortality of Self and Vulnerability/mortality of Self and Loved OnesLoved Ones

►““Survivor” guiltSurvivor” guilt

We cannot keep people We cannot keep people from suffering, but we from suffering, but we CAN keep them from CAN keep them from

suffering for the wrong suffering for the wrong reasons.reasons.

What Helps?

Self-CareSelf-Care► SELF-care is not selfish or self-indulgent.SELF-care is not selfish or self-indulgent.

► We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We cannot nurture others from a dry well.

► We need to take care of our own needs first, then We need to take care of our own needs first, then we can give from our surplus, our abundance. we can give from our surplus, our abundance.

► When we nurture others from a place of fullness, When we nurture others from a place of fullness, we feel renewed we feel renewed

Make self-care the priority.

Schedule life around self-care.

Not the other way around!

GIVE SORROW WORDS;

THE GRIEF THAT DOES NOT SPEAK

KNITS UP THE O’ER WROUGHT

HEARTAND BIDS IT BREAKShakespeare

Permission to GrievePermission to Grieve

Be Honest About Be Honest About How You Are Doing!How You Are Doing!

Managing Stress and

Finding Balance

What Causes Distress ?What Causes Distress ?

Significance of eventPerception of Resources

“You know, we’re just not reaching that guy.”

Emotional

Social/Relationships

Physical

SpiritualMeaningPurpose

Cognitive/IntellectualFinancial

What is most importantWhat is most important in your life? in your life?

►____________________________________________________________

►____________________________________________________________

►____________________________________________________________

►______________________________________________________________

Make a pie chart with percentage of time that you spent on each in the last week………..

What would you like your pie to look like?

What gets in the way?What gets in the way?

What is ONE thing you could What is ONE thing you could do to move forward?do to move forward?

What else helps?What else helps?

A Sense of Humour

INNER STRENGTH:INNER STRENGTH:

If you can start the day If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills.without caffeine or pep pills.

► If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and painspains

► If you can resist complaining and boring If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.people with your troubles.

► If you can eat the same food everyday and be If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it.grateful for it.

► If you can understand when loved ones are If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time.too busy to give you time.

► If you can overlook when people take If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong.fault of yours, something goes wrong.

► If you can take criticism and blame If you can take criticism and blame without resentment.without resentment.

► If you can relax without liquor.If you can relax without liquor.

THEN…….THEN…….

YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG-----DOG-----

THINGS I CAN LEARN THINGS I CAN LEARN FROM A DOG FROM A DOG

►Let others know when they have Let others know when they have invaded your territoryinvaded your territory

►Take naps and stretch before risingTake naps and stretch before rising

►Run, romp and play dailyRun, romp and play daily

► If what you want lies buried, dig until If what you want lies buried, dig until you find ityou find it

►When someone is having a bad day, When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.gently.

►Thrive on attention, and let people Thrive on attention, and let people touch you.touch you.

►Avoid biting when a simple growl will Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.do.

►Never pass up the opportunity to go for Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ridea joy ride

►Allow the experience of fresh air and the Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasywind in your face to be pure ecstasy

►When loved ones come home, always When loved ones come home, always run to greet themrun to greet them

► Eat with gusto and Eat with gusto and enthusiasmenthusiasm

► Be loyalBe loyal

► Never pretend to be Never pretend to be something you are something you are notnot

► No matter how often No matter how often you’re scolded, ……you’re scolded, ……run right back and run right back and make friends.make friends.

► Bond with your pack.Bond with your pack.

Delight in the Delight in the

simple joy of a long walk.simple joy of a long walk.

““Outside” Help:Outside” Help:

► EAP (Employment Assistance programs) – EAP (Employment Assistance programs) – WRHA, RHA, or University BasedWRHA, RHA, or University Based

► Family Physician – Referrals to psychology, Family Physician – Referrals to psychology, social work, psychiatry (depression)social work, psychiatry (depression)

► Family Centre of WinnipegFamily Centre of Winnipeg► Aurora Centre (University of Winnipeg)Aurora Centre (University of Winnipeg)► Centre de ConseilleursCentre de Conseilleurs► Health Access Centres (Klinic, River East, Health Access Centres (Klinic, River East,

based on postal code)based on postal code)

It does not mean to be in a It does not mean to be in a place place

where there is no noise, where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. trouble or hard work.

It means to be in the midst It means to be in the midst of of

those things and still those things and still

be calm in your heart.be calm in your heart.

SACRED HEART FELT CONNECTIONS

Who is the Healer? Who is the

Healed?

The sacred connections I have had; knowing that all the people I have known, either living or no longer living, mingle and remain in my heart as I do in theirs.

JTB