Scientific Writing, HRP 214 A. Bob and I were very fond of the piece. B. Bob and me were very fond of the piece.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214

A. Bob and I were very fond of the piece.

B. Bob and me were very fond of the piece.


A. A. Bob and IBob and I were very fond of the piece. were very fond of the piece.

B. Bob and me were very fond of the piece.


A. That man and I were talking.

B. That man and me were talking.


A. That A. That man and Iman and I were talking. were talking.

B. That man and me were talking.


A. Their data was intriguing.

B. Their data were intriguing.


A. Their data was intriguing.

B. Their data B. Their data werewere intriguing. intriguing.


A. She told Bob and me that the end was near.

B. She told Bob and I that the end was near.


A. She told A. She told Bob and meBob and me that the end was near. that the end was near.

B. She told Bob and I that the end was near.


A. I hope that she and I will reconcile.

B. I hope that she and me will reconcile.


A. I hope that A. I hope that she and Ishe and I will reconcile. will reconcile.

B. I hope that she and me will reconcile.


A. Between you and I, we should have it done in no time.

B. Between you and me, we should have it done in no time.


A. Between you and I, we should have it done in no time.

B. Between B. Between you and meyou and me, we should have it , we should have it done in no time.done in no time.


A. He looks like Bill Clinton.

B. He looks as Bill Clinton.


A. He looks A. He looks likelike Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton.

B. He looks as Bill Clinton.


A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared with her shoes.

B. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared to her shoes.


A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared withcompared with her her shoes.shoes.

B. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared to her shoes.

mnemonic: when things are inherently similar, they are generally grouped with each other

Your scientific studies will more commonly be seeking distinctions among things previously understood to be similar (than similarities among inherently different things)


A. To whom did you betray my secret?

B. To who did you betray my secret?


A. A. To whomTo whom did you betray my secret? did you betray my secret?

B. To who did you betray my secret?


A. Who owns that mean dog?

B. Whom owns that mean dog?


A. A. WhoWho owns that mean dog? owns that mean dog?

B. Whom owns that mean dog?


A. The person about who you speak is a fool.

B. The person about whom you speak is a fool.


A. The person about who you speak is a fool.

B. The person B. The person about whomabout whom you speak is a you speak is a fool.fool.


A. People whom live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

B. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.


A. People whom live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

B. People B. People whowho live in glass houses shouldn’t live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.throw stones.


A. It’s my head on the line.

B. Its my head on the line.


A. A. It’sIt’s my head on the line. my head on the line.

B. Its my head on the line.


A. Its head was on the chopping block.

B. It’s head was on the chopping block.


A. A. ItsIts head was on the chopping block. head was on the chopping block.

B. It’s head was on the chopping block.


A. Virgil is the candidate who we hope to elect.

B. Virgil is the candidate whom we hope to elect.


A. Virgil is the candidate who we hope to elect.

B. Virgil is the candidate B. Virgil is the candidate whomwhom we hope to we hope to elect.elect.


A. Your cigarette tastes good, like a cigarette should.

B. Your cigarette tastes good, as a cigarette should.


A. Your cigarette tastes good, like a cigarette should.

B. Your cigarette tastes good, Your cigarette tastes good, asas a cigarette a cigarette should.should.


A. Over 30 disease states can result in the clinical characteristics of dementia.

B. More than 30 disease states can result in the clinical characteristics of dementia.


A. Over 30 disease states can result in the clinical characteristics of dementia.

B. B. More thanMore than 30 disease states can result in 30 disease states can result in the clinical characteristics of dementia.the clinical characteristics of dementia.


A. Fewer men are in the class than women.

B. Less men are in the class than women.


A. A. FewerFewer men are in the class than women. men are in the class than women.

B. Less men are in the class than women.


A. Fewer restrictive measures are needed.

B. Less restrictive measures are needed.


A. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old Mexican whom the San Francisco police charged with breaking into a 1991 Honda Accord.

B. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old Mexican who the San Francisco police charged with breaking into a 1991 Honda Accord.


A. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old A. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old Mexican Mexican whomwhom the San Francisco police the San Francisco police charged with breaking into a 1991 Honda charged with breaking into a 1991 Honda Accord.Accord.

B. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old Mexican who the San Francisco police charged with breaking into a 1991 Honda Accord.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK ANSWERS

1. There are a number of known causes of epilepsy. However, epilepsy with a definite antecedent neurologic insult that is presumed to be causal applies to only about one-third of all cases of epilepsy. The remaining two-thirds are idiopathic/cryptogenic.


Possible rewrite… Epilepsy is caused by a known neurologic

insult in about one-third of cases; the remainder are idiopathic/cryptogenic.


2. There are difficulties in applying the syndrome classification to population-based studies. First, the necessary information may not be available. Second, syndromes are, in part, classified by prognosis, and therefore not applicable to incidence cases. Third, a large proportion of population-based cases may not fit. A system incorporating the syndrome classification as reasonably as possible into population-based studies is needed.


Possible rewrite…2. The current syndrome classification system is

inadequate in several respects: the necessary information is not always available; syndromes are, in part, classified by prognosis, and therefore not applicable to incident cases; and a large proportion of population-based cases don’t fit.


3. The two results are found to be in agreement.


Possible rewrite…

3. The two results agree.


4. There is enormous variety of clinical presentation, as symptoms vary depending on the tumors’ location, size, and malignant versus benign behavior.


Possible rewrite…4. Clinical presentation varies widely depending on a

tumor’s location and size, and whether it is malignant or benign.


5. Biostatistics can be a lot of fun because of the multidisciplinary team approach. In one project we have a nutritionist, a psychologist, statisticians, a computer specialist, and dietitians: a whole range of specialties. When we all get together, everyone has a perspective to bring to the problem.


Possible rewrite…5. Our enjoyable multidisciplinary approach to

biostatistics brings together nutritionists, psychologists, statisticians, computer engineers, and dietitians—each of whom adds a different perspective to the problem.


6. The high-dissonance participants were paid a small sum of money while being given a free choice of whether to participate, whereas the participants we randomly assigned to the large-incentive treatment (the low-dissonance condition) were not offered the opportunity to refuse.


Possible rewrite…6. High-dissonance participants were paid a

small sum of money and were not required to participate; low-dissonance participants were paid a large sum of money and were required to participate.


7. The reasons for this exception are as follows: 1) although the assessment of birth cohort data often shares with other descriptive approaches a reliance on information that is usually available, it requires the application of an analytical approach with a level of complexity usually not found in descriptive epidemiology; and 2) this type of analysis is often key for the understanding of the observed association between age (often strongly associated with the occurrence of many diseases as well as their determinants) and disease in cross-sectional analysis."


Possible rewrite… 7. Birth cohort analysis will be treated

separately from other descriptive approaches because: 1) analyzing birth cohort data requires more complex statistical methods and 2) confounding by birth cohort is a common problem in cross-sectional studies.


Some Notes on Science StyleFollowing are some general guidelines on preferred style for

manuscripts submitted to Science:

Avoid jargon; explain obscure terms and define acronyms (keep in mind that many potential readers of your work will not be specialists in your field).

Use active voice when suitable, particularly when necessary for correct syntax (e.g., "To address this possibility, we constructed a Zap library . . .," not "To address this possibility, a Zap library was constructed . . .").

Write concisely (e.g., "even though," not "in spite of the fact that").

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Sentence-editing warm-up…

Recent research suggests that these two disorders may not be as distinct as previously was thought and the degree of overlap may be considerable.


Possible rewrite…

Recent research suggests that these two disorders may overlap considerably.


The study of Barrett et al. (1997) is considered to be methodologically sound. In that study, 1,000 bacteria were transformed with the novel gene.


Possible rewrites…

In a methodologically sound study by Barret et al. (1997), 1,000 bacteria were transformed with the novel gene. (passive voice)

Using sound methods, Barret et al. (1997), transformed 1,000 bacteria with the novel gene. (active voice)

Scientific Writing, HRP 214MORE WARM-UP

1. A progressive decrease in the death rate occurred.

The death rate progressively decreased.

2. These agents exert their action by inhibition of synthesis of cholesterol by the liver.

These agents inhibit cholesterol synthesis by the liver.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM-UP3. There are many scientists who don’t like to write.

Many scientists don’t like to write.

4. In classic epidemiology, the case-control can provide efficiencies when the occurrence of disease in the population is relatively rare.

In classic epidemiology, the case-control study is efficient when the disease is relatively rare.


Lecture Three, July 6, 2005:

Punctuation, Parallelism, and the Good Sentence.


For those of you reading Sin and Syntax…(from Salon magazine)Rather than a beepOr a rude error message,These words: “File not found.”

A crash reducesYour expensive computerTo a simple stone.


The code was willing,It considered your request,But the chips were weak.

Errors have occurred.We won't tell you where or why.Lazy programmers.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214and a few from Car Talk…

Four-wheel drive pickupI remember his last words:Hold my beer, watch this!

I'm writing Haikugoing 80 miles per hourIs that safe to do?

I have an old car.It rattles, coughs and sputters. I smile. No payments.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214and a few from Car Talk…

Hilltop. Lake below.My car sinks so slowly. Thank god it's a rental.

"Check engine" light on.Unscrew the dash. Stab with pen."Check engine" light off.

Just one more exitGas prices will be lowerCheapskate starts walking


Lesson One: Our friends the dash, colon, semicolon, and parenthesis…


Note: A clause is a unit of grammatical organization next below the sentence in rank. A clause has a subject and a predicate.


Increasing power to separate:

Comma

Colon

Dash

Parentheses

Semicolon

Period


Increasing formality:

Dash

Parentheses

The Others (Comma,Colon,Semicolon,Period)

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Semicolon

Semicolon:

Indicates a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.

Example: Kennedy could be a cold and vain man, and he led a life of privilege. But he knew something about the world; he also cared about it.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Parentheses

Parenthesis (parenthetical expression):

A word, clause, or sentence inserted as an explanation or afterthought into a passage that is grammatically complete without it.

If you remove the material within the parentheses (plural—the marks containing the parenthetical expression), the main point of the sentence should not change.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Colon

Use a colon after an independent clause to introduce a list of items, an explanation, an amplification, or an illustrative quotation.

“The colon has more effect than the comma, less power to separate than the semicolon, and more formality than the dash.”--Strunk and White

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Colon (list or explanation)

“The hydrogen bonds are made as follows: purine position 1 to pyrimidine position 1; purine position 6 to pyrimidine position 6.”

“These pairs are: adenine (purine) with thymine (pyrimidine), and guanine (purine) with cytosine (pyrimidine).”

From: “A structure for Deoxyribose Nucleic Acid”—Watson and Crick 1953

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Colon (list or explanation)

Washington has a simple solution to most governments it doesn’t like: isolate them, slap sanctions on them and wait for their downfall.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Colon (list)

Cross-sectional studies that have measured BMD in formerly anorectic women or elite athletes up to 25 years after diagnosis or cessation of competition have found mixed results, including: normal BMD values for age (5,6,7), moderately reduced BMD (8), and unexpectedly high proportions of osteopenia and osteoporosis (9,10,11).

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Colon (quote, list)

The “Ask not” line follows right after an exhortation modeled on Franklin Roosevelt’s “rendezvous with destiny”: “In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility—I welcome it.” The note throughout is one of alarm: “The trumpet summons us again”; “the burden of a long twilight struggle”; “that uncertain balance of terror.”

NOTE: The “rule of three’s” for lists and examples.

Example: They dramatically reduced the number of series in production: in 1935, fourteen series were circulating; in 1940, nine; by 1980, when the syndicate was in its final years, only four.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Colon (to amplify or interpret)Join two independent clauses with a colon if

the second interprets or amplifies the first:

Archer believes that the passengers on United Flight 93, which crashed in Pennsylvania, did something extraordinary: they intervened.

Companies use Marsh for the same reason that home sellers use real-estate agents: the agent’s knowledge and experience is supposed to help the client get the right deal at the right price.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Colon: exercise

Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians the practical application of clinical epidemiology, as needed to address specific problems of specific patients. It guides clinicians on how to find the best evidence relevant to a specific problem, how to assess the quality of that evidence, and perhaps most difficult, how to decide if the evidence applies to a specific patient.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Colon: join and condense

Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians the practical application of clinical epidemiology, including: how to find the best evidence relevant to a specific problem, how to assess the quality of that evidence, and how to decide if the evidence applies to a specific patient.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Colon misuseEXAMPLE, what not to do!:

“Two aspects of alcohol use are related to brain injuries: as a factor associated with risk of an injury such as a motor vehicle crash, and as a factor in TBI diagnosis, recovery, or survival after injury.”

“Two aspects of alcohol use are related to brain injuries: its association with risk of injury, such as motor vehicle crash, and its post-injury influences on TBI diagnosis, recovery, or survival after injury.”

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Colon misuse

EXAMPLE, what not to do!:“In one project we have a nutritionist, a psychologist, statisticians, a computer specialist, and dietitians: a whole range of specialties.”

“In one project we have a whole range of specialties: a nutritionist, a psychologist, statisticians, a computer specialist, and dietitians.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Dash

Use a dash to set off an abrupt break or interruption and to announce a long explanation or summary. Helps add emphasis.

“A dash is a mark of separation stronger than a comma, less formal than a colon, and more relaxed than parentheses.”—Strunk and White

“Use a dash only when a more common mark of punctuation seems inadequate.”—Strunk and Whitei.e. Reserve this tool for the really tough jobs!


The drugs did more than prevent new fat accumulation. They also triggered overweight mice to shed significant amounts of fat—up to half their body weight. (emphasis)

To establish that the marrow cells—also called adult stem cells or endothelial precursor cells—can colonize the eye, Friedlander and his colleagues first transplanted stem cells from an adult mouse into the eyes of newborn mice. (long summary)

How would the feel of these sentences change with parentheses or commas?


With commas instead…(clunky and long…)

The drugs did more than prevent new fat accumulation. They also triggered overweight mice to shed significant amounts of fat, up to half their body weight.

To establish that the marrow cells, also called adult stem cells or endothelial precursor cells, can colonize the eye, Friedlander and his colleagues first transplanted stem cells from an adult mouse into the eyes of newborn mice.


With parentheses instead…(buries the info.)

The drugs did more then prevent new fat accumulation. They also triggered overweight mice to shed significant amounts of fat (up to half their body weight).

To establish that the marrow cells (also called adult stem cells or endothelial precursor cells) can colonize the eye, Friedlander and his colleagues first transplanted stem cells from an adult mouse into the eyes of newborn mice.


Researchers who study shipworms say these mislabeled animals—they’re clams, not worms—are actually a scientific treasure. (emphasis and added information)

The store—which is windowless and has clusters of unsmiling security guards standing at its entrances, as if it were the embassy of a particularly beleaguered nation—caters to rich Brazilians, members of the ten per cent of the population who command nearly half the national income, and wear Chanel, Valentino, or Dolce & Gabbana. (long description)


Commas instead…

Researchers who study shipworms say these mislabeled animals, they’re clams, not worms, are actually a scientific treasure. (commas aren’t strong enough to set off a clause)

The store, which is windowless and has clusters of unsmiling security guards standing at its entrances, as if it were the embassy of a particularly beleaguered nation, caters to rich Brazilians, members of the ten per cent of the population who command nearly half the national income, and wear Chanel, Valentino, or Dolce & Gabbana. (too long-winded without an abrupt pause)


Researchers who study shipworms say these mislabeled animals (they’re clams, not worms) are actually a scientific treasure. (buries the information)

The store (which is windowless and has clusters of unsmiling security guards standing at its entrances, as if it were the embassy of a particularly beleaguered nation) caters to rich Brazilians, members of the ten per cent of the population who command nearly half the national income, and wear Chanel, Valentino, or Dolce & Gabbana. (takes away from the description)


Baseball is the only game that’s played every day, which is why its season often seems endless, right up to the inning and the out—the little toss over to first base—when, wow, it ends.

Comma instead…Baseball is the only game that’s played every day, which is why its season often seems endless, right up to the inning and the out, the little toss over to first base, when, wow, it ends. (no emphasis on the image)

Parentheses instead…Baseball is the only game that’s played every day, which is why its season often seems endless, right up to the inning and the out (the little toss over to first base) when, wow, it ends. (makes it seem unimportant)


While all these steps are small and easily reversible—Libya is still ruled by a wacky megalomaniac—there is some real movement here.

Comma instead…While all these steps are small and easily reversible, Libya is still ruled by a wacky megalomaniac, there is some real movement here. (run-on sentence)

Parentheses instead…While all these steps are small and easily reversible(Libya is still ruled by a wacky megalomaniac) there is some real movement here. (buries the best part of the sentence!)

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Dash: exercise

Finally, the lessons of clinical epidemiology are not meant to be limited to academic physician-epidemiologists, who sometimes have more interest in analyzing data than caring for patients. Clinical epidemiology holds the promise of providing clinicians with the tools necessary to improve the outcomes of their patients.

Weak verb (means) and passive (who means to limit?).

A long descriptive clause that could be set off by a dash.


Finally, the lessons of clinical epidemiology are not meant to be limited to academic physician-epidemiologists, who sometimes have more interest in analyzing data than caring for patients. Clinical epidemiology holds the promise of providing clinicians with the tools necessary to improve the outcomes of their patients.

Necessary?

No transition. patients’ outcomes provides

Scientific Writing, HRP 214The Dash: join and condense

Finally, clinical epidemiology is not limited to academic physician-epidemiologists—who are sometimes more interested in analyzing data than caring for patients–-but provides clinicians with the tools to improve their patients’ outcomes.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 The Dash: some technical details

HYPHEN (1 unit): to connect compound words or non-range numbers; to break word that will continue on next line:

little-known fact, en-dash, 723-8222

EN-DASH (2 units): to indicate range (numbers, dates, time) or collaboration:

pages 1 – 9 , open 9 am – 5 pm, Morris–Hayes lab, Sino–Soviet pact

not a compound name of an individual, as in Catherine Zeta-Jones

EM-DASH (3 units): to represent a sudden break in thought that causes an abrupt change in sentence structure:

The m-dash is longer—the length of the letter m.


Lesson 2: Use Parallel Construction


Unparallel:Locusts denuded fields in Utah, rural Iowa was washed away by torrents, and in Arizona the cotton was shriveled by the placing heat.

Vs.

Parallel:Locusts denuded fields in Utah, torrents washed away rural Iowa, and blazing heat shriveled Arizona’s cotton.


Make a choice and abide by it!


Pairs of ideas—two ideas joined by “and”, “or”, or “but”—should be written in parallel form.

Cardiac input decreased by 40% but

blood pressure decreased by only 10%.

SVX but SVX


Pairs of ideas—two ideas joined by “and” “or” or “but”—should be written in parallel form.

We hoped to increase the response and

to improve survival.

Infinitive phrase and infinitive phrase.


Lists of ideas (and number lists of ideas) should be written in parallel form.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Parallelism

Not Parallel:If you want to be a good doctor, you must study hard, critically think about the medical literature, and you should be a good listener.

Parallel:If you want to be a good doctor you must study hard, listen well, and think critically about the medical literature. (imperative, imperative, imperative)

Parallel:If you want to be a good doctor, you must be a good student, a good listener, and a critical thinker about the medical literature. (noun, noun, noun)

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Parallelism

Not Parallel:This research follows four distinct phases: (1) establishing measurement instruments (2) pattern measurement (3) developing interventions and (4) the dissemination of successful interventions to other settings and institutions.

Parallel:This research follows four distinct phases: (1) establishing measurement instruments (2) measuring patterns (3) developing interventions and (4) disseminating successful interventions to other settings and institutions.


Lesson 3: The case of the buried predicate…

One study of 930 adults with multiple sclerosis (MS) receiving care in one of two managed care settings or in a fee-for-service setting found that only two-thirds of those needing to contact a neurologist for an MS-related problem in the prior 6 months had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).

predicate

subject confusing garbage


The case of the buried predicate…

One study found that, of 930 adults with multiple sclerosis (MS) who were receiving care in one of two managed care settings or in a fee-for-service setting, only two-thirds of those needing to contact a neurologist for an MS-related problem in the prior six months had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).


In-Class Writing Exercise:In pairs (try to pick someone in the class that you don’t know well), interview each other to find out:“What brought you to Stanford—spiritually, literally, or otherwise?” Then take 10 minutes to write up a 1-2 paragraph mini profile (SHORT, PUNCHY, CLEVER, HUMOROUS) of the other person. Use at least one dash or colon and at least one sentence with parallel construction.


And finally…

This week’s top 5 countdown:


1. Farther v. further

Farther is used for distance. (think far)

Further is used for time or quantity. (think future)

I can throw a ball farther than you.

I am pursuing that research further.


Other similar words:

FORWARD v. FORWARDS v. FOREWORDTOWARD v. TOWARDS

Some sources prefer adverbs forward and toward to forwards and towards (a bit more formal without the s; s more common in UK); foreword = preface to a book


2. Die of v. die from

People and animals die of, not from, specific diseases.

She died of a heart attack.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 3. compliment v. complement

Compliment is to praise or to present with a token of esteem.Complement is to mutually complete each other.

She complimented his haircut.That dress complements your eyes.

In complement, think of “complete-ment” proteins completing antibodies (complement cascade), angles

combining to reach 90 degrees, or musical intervals completing an octave

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 A comic interlude, for illustration:A man walks into a bar and sits down. He orders

a beer and begins to drink it, when he hears a mysterious voice: “You're looking very handsome this evening.” The man looks around, but there’s no one else nearby. “That suit is quite magnificent," continues the voice. “And what a delightful tie!”

The man calls the bartender over and confides, somewhat sheepishly, “I keep hearing voices but I don't seem to be able to work out where they're coming from!“

The bartender replies, "It's the nuts, sir. They're complimentary."

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 4. Comprise v. compose

Comprise means to contain. “Comprise” implies a complete listing, whereas “include” may signal an incomplete listing.

Compose means to make up.

The parts compose (make up) the whole; the whole comprises (contains) the parts.

The USA comprises 50 states. (the whole contains the parts)Fifty states compose the USA. (the parts make up the whole)The USA is composed of 50 states. (the whole is made up of the parts)Fifty states are comprised in the USA. (the parts are contained in the whole)


5. locate v. localize

Locate is to determine the position of something; to find its location.

Localize is to confine or fix in a particular area or part.

The police located the suspect at the edge of town.Iodine tends to localize in the thyroid.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK

Read: Chapters 11-12 in Sin and Syntax.Chapter 5-6 of SS Writing (pp. 99-118)Paragraph re-writing exercise

3-4 unit students: Begin preliminary work on your chosen manuscript,

paper, thesis, or grant proposal in preparation for the 2nd half of the course.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Preview to next time…

• For next time…

• We continue our systematic review of the basics of writing.

Words sentences paragraphs

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 A. Bob and I were very fond of the piece. B. Bob and me were very fond of the piece.

Documents

scientific studies

glass houses shouldnt

dresses werent worth

bill clinton

mean dog

chopping block