of the Episcopal - V ,.. Ttlatinn TlltUO. THE LANDLADY'S STORY. he had my spectacles before church-tim- e, and once put his poor Uncle Pinner's SAVANNAH COURIER. FUBUSHED EVERY THURSDAY. monly supposed; where the two sensei of tho word are alii ad by an easy meta- phor, and may consequently be found in more than one language. We give prs v v., ..,' ,.-- ' I PIANO-MAKER- S. Where They Come From and the Fay They Receive. In Germany a fine piano-mak- er it classed as an artht; in this country he is a mechanic of a higher order. There are about six hundred men employed in tho different branches of piano-mak-in- n in this citr. Some are paid bv the Did you Sup Mustang Liniment orygooa pose for horses? It is for inflamma. ticn of all flesh, DR. JOHN BULL'S mimm FOR THE CURE OF FEVER and AGUE Or CHILLS and FEVER, , AND ALL MALARIAL DISEASES. The proprietor of this oelebratod medioins) Justly claims for it a superiority over all rem edies ever offered to thepublio for the SAFE, m?PTTW SPEEDY and PERMANENT cure) of Ague and Fever.or Chills and Fe.ver,wheth er of short or long standing. He refers to ths entire Western and Southern oountry to bear him testimony to ths truth of the assertiott that in no case whatever will it fail to oure if thedirectionsareitrictlyfollowedandcarried oat. In a great many cases a single dose has been sufficient for a oure, and whole families have been oured by a single bottle, with a per- fect restoration of the general health. It is, however, prudent, and in every case more cer ' tain to cure, if its use is continued in smaller doses for a week or two after the disease has been checked, mors especially in difhoult and g cases. Usually this medicine will not require any aid to keep the bowels ia good order. Should the patient, however, three or four doses of the Tonio, a single dosa of KENT'S VEGETABLE FAMILY PILLS will be sufficient. Use no other. DR. JOHN BULL'S SMITH'S TONIC SYRUP, BULL'S SARSAPARILLA, BULL'S WORM DESTROYER, The Popular Remedies of the Dai . Prluclpal Odlrs, 831 Main St,, LOl'lSmi.E.KT, Seouro XZoAltZx. KENT'S PILLS cure SICK HEADACHE, HEARTBURN, DYSPEPSIA, CONSTII-- M l ivin, INDICESTION. BILIOUSNESS, Unmfloh TmnhlAt. Llvnp DltfloultleS. And ALL Disorders of tl.i8TO1A('ll and BOWELS, fM" They uliould bo kept on hand In every House. B. B. KENT, Jr., Uuiufacturur, LouUrilu, Ky. ' TO IllVT. 11 II.TII Til K LI VKB XISTHK KKIT1NORDKR. InY SANFiORDfS, iBaeure for Livor CnmplftinU and ills oanBril by a deranKd or torpid con d it ion of the Jiiver, as Dyapep ai!i,i(i)ritipatinn. BiliousneRS. JiiuTidicc, Heanache, lialaria.UliwumiitirtHi, eti It rRulnteH the bowels. LHirint'H iiib utiHMi, hi tin ki iKiiin iw nyi"iii. AN INVALUAPLE FAMILY MEDICINE, ThounandHnl Prove itn Merit. KT DUUOUISI WILL TELL HOD ITS REFUTATION. No Hops to Cut Gff Horses' Manes. II .....I ltlEllll.t' l omMntMl. cn not lie upicuiy any ir ria. Bam- plo lliillcr to nny part ol tne u. h. on ruc'l'l oi r.ui.i i,y nil luifilery, llurdwarn'snd llarnrxg, Spwlal to tin- Trade. IT' Send tor l'rlce-I.tM- . tj. ijiauTHUUBK.imciieiiicr.fi.i J J syilMlHhll'ul eiiiiiloynient l;y aiid profitable. No Ifooklnn, KinlliiiK, n.. Vtl'.ivinir. 1 ImR HIlV kind of clotl! (new or old), riura or yarn. A Unndsoma Turklall ltiis made Tfiih 2. rts, worth of carpet waste TUT DCADI IM'ti 9IAKKK can b used I Tit rtAnL on nil iiiiirlilnen. or by hand. A wonderful invontioD, It M'llantsiKnt. j'rleo SI.OO, iiantimiil. Aaenla Wnnled. I jr Send vtanip for ciroulara, tenna, and territory. J .NO. U. UOli'latiVO WIS luia St., Ckleasa. .None Oenulne Snleil bearing this Stamp JAMES MEANS' $3 SHOE. IMaJo in Button, Congress and i. ace. JJfil Latjtifan. uiicxccncii in liuraoimy, jowrt ami. Appearand. K postal card scat 10 ua win uniiK you in- - formation now to get this fihoe In any gtaie or Territory. jneuiia mi o-- i 41 Lincoln rit. B.4a VSStnrITJt Uotou,Mass The BITTERS' OUTDB Is issued Sept. and March, each wear, tw 258 pages, 8xll,''2 lnclies,wlth o vex 3,SO0 tlluatratlona whole Picture GIVES Wholesale Prices dttvrt to roinumei on nil nooila for personal or family use. Tells how to, order, aud frlvrs exact coat of every-thi- ng you use, eat, drink, wear, or' have fun with. These I V ALUAULK BOOKS contain Information glranrd. from the market of the world. Woj wUl mall copy FBKK to any ad- dress upon receipt of 10 cts. to defray, expense of mailing. Let us hear front you. Respectfully, ) MONTGOMERY WARD & CO. 82T 3k 829 Wabash Avenue, Chicago, 111, Frightful Case of a Colored IVIan. 1 cnntnif'tpd firfn. can nf hlorvrl rtnlnnn In l Iwfl8trtat(diiltthnultlntiiO(ltiB of Morcury and Potasli, which bnitiKUt en rhemrattMii and Impaired my dilative orKRiin. livery John Iu mo w;ia ewolk'i und f i. H of pain. When I whb pfvrn up to die, my MiyRirmna Hnm(rni it wouin 19 ft (rMH iimi to lent he virtues of swift's . 1 linnmved from ilia very first dose. Foon tho rheumaifsm left me, mf Ppeiitu beeanift all rinlit, srul the uli'i'm, whkh tho) doetorsold were the most frltrhiful he had ever seen, hei?nn to hettl, nwi by the nrst of October, 1KH4, 1 was ft well mau again. LLM Mut'Li.Ni()N. LTTI Afrricnrlnr, horn horn In thn emnlnv nf iha (.ompsnv for some yran mid I kauW thcttbove ttlHiemrntulo ! trim. w. It. C'horbv. MamiRer (. y Co. At.anta UlvlfluU, Atlanta, Ca., April 18, 18S5. , Treat. on Blood and Skin niseasrsmalled free. T nk Swift Ni'Kfirm Cii.. Itiauur tt. AU&niji dm. N. Y,15T W.ffiUSU fhs Red School House Shoe. Diocese of Utah, tolls this joke on nira-tol- f: "A Mormon Bishop was in former years the County Recorder of Salt Lake County. I wont to nave a deed recordod. When I asked, 'How muchlsthoihargo?' he nnsworod, On, nothing.' adding as ho put his natm familiarly on my shoulder, 'Wo Bishops must favor each other.' " PROGRAMME OF FAIR "WEEK IN ST. LOUIS. GREAT ST. LOUIS FAIR. What Can Ho Been For One Ad mission of Stny Cents. The SSth Gront St. Louis Fair, opens ooto. berSth and continues six days; ,3,0fl0l8 of. lered In cash premiums to be illatrlhntod anion the exhibitors of Jlorses. t Rio, Sheep, Swine and Poultry ; Machinery, Me- chanical and Industrial displays, Worka of Art, Textile Fahrlcs. l'rodnce, rrults, aim Vegetables, Geological and Chemical Speci mens. MmAmrir. mnnK'ff jtatr flnoVNO. The collection of Wild Ueasls, Illrds and Keptllos on the Ground of the Association compares favorably with any Zoological Garden In the World, and will bo opened free to all visitors to the Fair. Numerous solu- tions have been made to this Department and It Is now complete in nil Its di tails. KKW IMPROVKMSNTS ON FAIB OliOUSn. Slxtv-flv- acres have been added to the Ground, and .W,000 expended In Improve, mpnta onmnrfihpnillnff A full mile raee conrse, 700 new Horse Stalls, 600 now cattle stall, son Sheep and Swine Pens, a Poultry Ilnnse for 3,000 Fowls, twenty-elRh- t new Ex- hibition Halls and Pavilions. Applications for Stalls or Tens should be made at once. Trotting and racing Kacrs Kvury Day, The horses contcnillnir being the most cel ebrated In the country. GRAND ILLUMINATION. Tliirlnir the entire week the streets of the city will bo Illuminated by 150,000 ns Jets, In- termingled with hundreds of calcium, Incan descent and arc electric ugnta. VETI.KD l'HOPHKTS PAOEATCT. On the nlKht of Tuesday, October flth, the grand annual nocturnal paproant ot me rVF.ILKI rnorilKT," comprising thirty, five floats, will be given at an expense of .lioustinilB of dollars. T1IADES PAGEANT. On the nleht of Thnrsdav. October 8th, the "Til AUKS PAGEANT" will be (riven for the purpose of Illustrating the ImliiHtrlcs, wealth and resources of the Mississippi Valley. SHAW'S GARDEN. "stiAWS GAnriKVof world-wlil- fame. wlllheonen free to nil visitors during the week, through tho uericroslty of Its owner. - HALF FARE BATES. - All railroad and steamboat eompanlrs have generously nia'le a rate of one fare for the round trip during the entire week. A PUI1I.10 HOLIDAY. The mnnlclnal authorities have agreed to declare Thursday of Fair Week a holiday to all. liooms and board for 2JO,000 guests have bean provided for at greatly redueed rates. COMMERCIAL EXCHANGES. The Merchants' Cotton. Wool, MochBnlcs' and Ilenl Estate .Kxclianees, will b open, free to all visitors. Exhibitors sliould apply for space, stalls or pens at once In order to seeurc a desirable location. Address FES-TIT- J. WAKE, Sccretury,418 Chestnut street, Bt. LOU13, MO. Superlative goodness must be verv hard on the hair, for, you know, the good generally die young. Judge. Is It Not Singular ' Ufrit consumptives should be the least ap- prehensive of their own condition, while all their friouds are, urging and beseech- ing them to be more careful about- - expos- ure and overdoing? It moy well be con- sidered one of the most alarming symp- toms of the disease, where the patient is reckless and will not believe that he is in danger. Itoader, if you are in this condi tion, do not neglect tne only means of Avoid exposure and fatigue, be regular in your habits, and use faithfully of Dr. Pierce's "Golden Medical Discov- ery." It has saved thousands whs were Headily tailing. Tns girl who loves William never asks her father to foot her bill. Detroit Post. Yoong Men, Read This. The Voltajc Belt Co.. ot Marshall, Mich., offer to send their celebrated Electro- - Voir taic Belt and other Elkctkio Appliances on trial for 30 days, to nien (young or old) afflicted with nervous debility, loss of vital- ity and all kindred troubles." Also sis,aud many oth- er diseases. Complete restoration to health, vigor.and manhood guaranteed. Mo risk in- curred, as ;t0 days' trial is allowed. Write them at once lor illustrated pamphlet, tree. Misert A girl with a new dress and no place to go. Marathon Independent. Rupture, Breach or Hernia. Aew guaranteed cure for worst cases without use of knife. There is no longer any need of wearing awkward, cumber some trusses, cend two letter stamps for pamphlet and references. World's Dis pensary Medical Association, UU3 Main St., ouuaio, ii. x. Havb vou ever heard a parrot swearf Ko, but I've seen acro-cu- s. loromo urip, Don't hawk, hawk, blow, spit and dis- - ...... Mnllunni,l,Anffnn.Un k.A.tl. but use Dr. Bage's Catarrh Remedy ana ena tc The inventor of a flvirig machine, if he doesn't soar very high, has the satisfac tion oi Deing sore when ne drops. PiKE'sTooTHAcnE Drops curelnlmlnutc,25o. fllrnu I Sulphur Soap heals and beautifies. iSo, German Coils Remover kills Corns a Hunlous. Porcelain finue'r-rine- s are the (latest fashion. Thoy are probably intended tot Llilua-wea- r. Save your wagons, your horses and your patience Dy using f razer .&xie urease. A man must be thick-head- who will row wuu a tumble skull. liocheslcr Bern' ocrat. TV AffllntAd wilh Kiirn Kvm. iiha ll Limn Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists sell It. 26o. EDUCATIONAL. UnUsT STUDY, MUlilk lvnmaiulilp. Arithmetic, Short hand, thonnlL'hlT InUL'ht bv mull. rtreillnm free HI NINKH Ol.l.KUK, Unffulo, N. Y. BRYANT & STRHTTON'S 2S&21 St. lMita. Mo tttiU'iiii yearly. Yminjl men Uuftlit Short-luui- i, peunuuihip, and auicttU to poaiuon A MONTH. Atrnts Wanted. 90 heat $250 m- - 'llnirartlelenlntlio world. 1 iianiplc 'RAX. AddruM JAY BUOXSC'N, Dkiboit, Alius. and eared without the knife. C4KCERI ook on treatment ae:nt free. AndreKf L. M. U- - Aurora. Kane tlu-l- li Raatilifiil RED on Cotton TnrUsk Rnbram. niaiiisi Sample free to every person Kiidlna- - uviu-- w mi mj. a. --. r ,aiua nauius. Alloa. aetir Man or woman in .r county to aell nar Rootl. Salary l. and Expanse. KtMnn m d- - J ncv Ctnvi Ul in Outfit FRKKl I'strtlfii AM II fre. BUncUrd 8ilver-war- e Go. Bocton, Mam. RIli firFPE? To,ntmdn.-i1hm,wwl- war mmm aw m 111 V KA JV A V I till lauir. A OiOTKtlntr Wjuhiutr MuhiikMi. it won w&rit nn semi n your natiM, P. O. and nprfus offlvt '" in national CO.. uouey u.N.x, Novelty Rug Machine (Pat. Pit. T, 1SSII. Tor making milt, i miea, noonH, dllTien. etc Sent by mall, full dlrre tlons. ai IcCVTriU'iVTL'n Manufacturers Stamped Itua: rattema on Burlap! vhm v mi rinirrnicma. reni Torcr. mar. KUSS afc CO., XOLSUMt, OHIO. R. U. AWARE THAT Lorillard's Climax Plug bearing a rr.i tin tag ; that Loiillard RmsB lawtftf AnfMlt : that I.HIIarwi'a ItiiTT rilsnfsist. and that Lorillard' was wm SwWia uiici4, quavukj niraS7VU I ELY'S A.-.n- nU 0DC1U DIIUVMIMMnn UnLHin DMLIN Cleanses Ihe Head. Allays Inflsm m a- - lion. Heals Sores. Restores Ihe Sen- - st$ Ol Taste, Hear- - farnnajM 1 I "J Smell 7 cu A Quick Relief. A Positive Cl r CREAM BALM 1 11 V Ssx hH frned an rnrTahfe itum rat. dl.nFUAY.CrVED all oths-- r rfnaratlon a - " a a. A panicle It apt11d Imoww-i- i iMsrfrn:iWT)wtfn: acrr- - wooden leg up the chimney, when he was telegraphed for in a hurry somewhere. I like a lively disposition, but boarders have their rights, and weddings areut to be trifled with; and says I: "Mrs. Pouncer, bo calm." Td gene back to her room, you know. "Don't cry any more. The wedding may come off, after all. I'll try to help you." And then, first of all, I hunted up the mush-stic- and then 1 hunted up Tommy. Says I: "My child, I've taken my slip- per to you before; but this Pve never cor- rected you with. Now own up, and you shall have a whole half pio before dinner. But deny, and I'll attend to you." Then says he: ''You'll give me a real half pie? Not a caty-corn- half V , Says I:- - "I will." Though 1 had pangs of conscience. And he says: "They're in the plum-ja- m you're going to have for lunch, grandma," "Iii the plum-jam- ," says L "Oh, you dreadful boy." Says he: "Can't I have that, too? 1 don't mind." Sol got the plum-ja- and I spooned out the two double sets, which I should have helped some of the bonrders to if I hadn't, and then 1 carried Mrs. Pouncer hers, and washed the others off and con- sidered; and It dawned upon me like a vision. Where should Mr. Itatchett be but at his dentist's, and his name I Knew. So in my wrapper and a waterproof, not look- ing in the glass for my bonnet, off I started, and iu the dentist's, sure enough, I found him, with his mouth full of plaster, and such a happy n an as he was I never saw, when I said, says 1: "Mr. Ratchett, thoy are found." , So they were married that day after all, and they board with me yet I've kept their secrets, though perhaps they ain't se crets any more; and they've rewarded me with their gratitude. But one thing dread ful did happen beside the pie. Tommy swallowed all the plum-ja- 1 Axpected that he'd die. but he didn't Tid-Bit- a MARRIAGE A LA MODE. A batl A canol A nobby beau I A narrow lane I A whisper lowl . Asm lie A bowl A llttlo tlirt! An ardent vow That's cheap as dirtt A hand to sniicezo, A irirl to kiss, v Julto at one's ease, Must needs be bllsst Arlnsl Adatol A honoymoonl To find too late It wasloo soon! t'Ueni Bri7, in Puck DASHED HOPES. How a Wife's HeneTolent Intentions We Completely Crushed. "So you were at Niagara Falls?" sh asked. "Yes." "You saw the fa'lsf1 "Oh, yes." "Very grand?" "Very." "Did you feel awed?" "I did." . "Much water?" "Yes, a great ileal" "Constant roar, I suppose?" "Yes." - "Felt your nothingness all the tlm didn't you?" "Yes'ui." "How long did this feeling last?" "What the feeling that I was a poof, puny, miserable nobody?" "Yes." "Oh, not over ten minutes." "Humph I I was going to send my hu band down. I supposed it might last twa weeks." I'etroit t ree .Pre. The Oracle In the Art Uallory. . A local oracle was walking through a gaU lory with one of those large-eye- artless simple, modest girls the other day. lit was enlarging on tho different schools of painting. He appreciated everything; he knew everything. They came to a picture. He saw without looking a name in the cor ner. "Now, there," he said, "I can tell the Dutch school at a glance. That is by Ed- - bokcr. Edboker is a favorite ot mine. There is something so genuine in his paint- - I nir, something so natural and strong in his handling of a subject I think nothing is more marked or curious than the distinc tions between painters in the way they treat the same theme. The strong Dutch indi viduality of EdbokerI' " I beg your pardon, but It appears to me this picture Is painted by i A. Daker." "Baker I Ah, dear me, so It Is. How very Dutch he Is." San Francisco CVitok- Me. Source of the Trouble. ( Mike Ol say, Bridgot, wot sames to be tho matlier wid th. young missus? She goes about all day looking thot sorrowful and droonin her oyes red wid tears. Is she disappointed in luve, d'ye think? Bridget Shure, Moike, oi in at a loss to know entolrely. It was only this mornin' that she was talkin' vid do ole missus an' I heard her nay that her fate was more than she could bear. Mike roor sov A Oi'm thinkin'. Brid get, it must be bunyuns she has on them. A. I. Timev . . Moti Near to Be Neighborly. Host (at an evening party) Mrs. Hen dricks, will you step with me a moment; I want to make you acquainted with Mrs. Tomlinson? Yon will like her, Pm sire. Mrs. Hendricks tsteuse tne, it yon please, Mrs. Jones, but 1 would rather not Yon see, we er both live in the same fiat X V. Times. Aphorisms. Pe cow-be- ll can't keep a secret De bes' road to de yaller-jack- et ties' mint been disklvered ylt De wooden Injun' got some mighty strong p'ints. Ripe apples nuke de tree look taller. De red rose don't brag in de darsv--- 4 A. Moron, in Cintury. How a Matrimonial Event Game Near Being Postponed. A Mysterious Disappearance Grandson Tommy's Little rractlcml Joke, and the Misery It Caosed-Uap- py - at Last I believe In fun. Oh, yes, I do believe !n fun. But practical jokes may go too far indeed they may. Now, there was the case of Mrs. and Mr. Ratchett At least, then they weren't Mr. and Mrs. Katchett, but Mrs. Touncer and Mr. Itatchett; and she wasjt widow; and when she came to mo In a rarriaire hired, but still with a man in livery driving it and said to me: "Oh, Mrs. Klmberly, ma'am, It's not the expense I'm thinking of, for terms don't affect me much poor, dear Mr. Touncer was so very thoughtful of me In his will; but should you be able to promise me the comforts of a home?' And her dress was the richest of silk, and all covered with Engtlsh crape, and her veil with a hem a yard deep; and, really, I was so touched that 1 promised her my best front room with the alcove, whether any one else wanted it or not And she lived in retirement, and had her meals in her own room for two weeks, for a reason that she confided to me. She was going to the dentist's, and they were a full set, and of the beautifulest whiteness, like snow; but at first, you know, you can't talk in 'em, much lesse at, and that makes It In- convenient. At the self-sam- e moment, so to speak, Mr. Itatchett he came to the house; and it was tho most remarkable coincidence, he confided in me, too. He was going to the dentist, 'likewise, and his was a full set; and he said he'd like to be spoke of, and charged as an invalid for a month, which was done. And all would have been pri- vate aud unknown but for my grandson. Tommy, that I have the bringing up of; and how he found it out, I don't know, but he did, and told it to all the boarders in the parlor one evening, and was corrected with my slipper and sent to bed in consequence. But Mr. Itatchett lie never knew, and Mrs. Touncer she never guessed and we must all come to it some time; and some of us had, Pve no doubt And it didn't matter much, after all. And what do you believe those two did widow and widower but fall iu love with each other, at least as much as at their age and their size could be expected I He waited on her to church, ami she knitted him worsted mufflers, and he used to read something that lie called poetry, and that was solcnmer than the prayer-boo- of mornings in the parlor-kee- ping it from being dusted, and making her gape dreadful, poor thing! But men are inconsiderate, whether married or sin- gle, and women will put up with a great deal before the wedding-rin- g - is on. Like- wise he took her to lectures, where 1 am told she went to sleep, poor dearl Sho liked fun, and good eating, and dancing, even at her size; and he liked hor rid, solemn things, and had a way of talk- - Iiiiiii .3 lug as If u didn't have ideas nobody elso could understand you hadn't any at all. But widows mostly will get married. If they can, poor dears, though you can't help won- dering sometimes that they haven't had suf- ficient warning. Well, he proposed, of course, and she accepted; and she was to be married in lavender, with white lace flounces and fichu; and he gave her another dia- mond ring, though there wasn't any room, to speak of, for it on her fat fingor, she had so many already; and they were to be mar- ried quietly lit my parlors ot- - a Tuesday morning; aud Monday night all was right; and Tuesday morning iho dreadful things began to happen. Sally, the chambermaid, romes to me, and says she: "Oh, Mrs. Kimberly, there Is something the matter with Mrs. Pouncer. Kite's a moaning dreadful in her own room, aud wants to see you." So I ran as fast as I could, though tho storo-eloi- was unlocked; and if the cook helicd herself to a lump she took a pound ot sugur as I knew she w uld. And tliore 1 found the poor dear In bed. aud she says: "Lock the door, Mrs. Kimberly," In a queer kind of voice, and then she showed me what had happened. She always took hor teeth out of nights and put 'em In a bowl of water, and some ono had come in how, she couldn't think, for though the window was open, who could climb up tho wisteria vine but a monkey? and they were gone. "And under my door this cruel letter, Mrs. Kim- berly," said she; and she pointed to one lying on the bed, " Head it," says she, 'fio I oiKjiieu the letter and read: Drahrst t.'AKOt.tNK: t'lronmslanpfs that I enn not possibly explain force me to tly from this roof. How loiur 1 shall be gone I do not know. It depends on another, llohcve me true, and truut tno If you can. I have no hope but in your coinplcto faith In me. Yours, Euwaiid. "Two such blows In one morning!" says she, "and the clergymen coining, and all I Of course, under any circumstances, I couldn't be a bride until I had a new set; but 1 could have said I was ill. But what Is it? Is it a first wife? Can it be?" , "Ho doesn't look it," says 1. "There's no judging by looks." said she. "May be he's found out about my teeth, and gone." "That ain't likely." says I; "he'd have m-- re sympathy." But 1 didn't think to say why. "He's a man," says the widow. "That's cnomni. But it's an awful mystery?" "Perhaps your teeth were never put In the water," said I. "May be they're ou the floor." And I peeped around, and pretty soon I saw on the sate ot tne bowl nve nine macs marks, and on the window-si- ll were five wore, and then five more yet Then I becan to guess. 1 went out into vr. Ratohett s room, and on the window .i from the black piazza there were Jive more black nurks, and on the bureau was a gob- let of waJer, and on that five black marks more. 1 knew all now. My grandson. Tommy, was a fine child, bnt he had one peculiarity. The more I washed his hands, tlte blacker they got And whatever he touched he printed off his hands on. He was capable ot climbing that wisteria vine, and he liked to tcaa. He had a lively disposition, poor, dear Tommy, and he had Ukeu the teeth both double sets just as another of the same kind. Erskine was reproached Tith his pro. pensily to punning, and vea told that puns were the lowest kin! of wit. lruo," said ho, "and therefore tne? are the foundation of w't," Madame do Lamotta wis condemned to be marked with a hot iron on both shoulders, as well as to a urpctutl jm- - pnsonment, lor her Irs ad in ttc auair of Marie Antoinette's dh mond necklace. At the end of ten months, hovrjver, she made her escape from L I!osnital, where she was confined, by the ai'i of a tour, who said, when twitting her, "Adieu, Madame, prenez garde de vous faire remarguer." (Farewd!, uiadamo, take care not to be At a time when public affairs were in a very unsettled state in France, 1L do G -- , who squinted terribly, asked Talleyrand how things were going on. " Mais, comme vous voyer. Monsieur.'" (Why. as you see, sir. , Many of tho notable punsters were dramatic writers or professional como dians, and a selection ot somo by Goorge Colman will C ve to show tho quality of this style of vit. A gentleman having a remarkably long visage was oneday. rding by Mr. Wbyte's school at Dublin, .it the gate of which ho overlie?-- young Richard Briusloy Sheridan say "That gentleman's faoe is lesjrer than his life." Struck by tho ' strangeness of the remark, he turned lin horse's head, and requested its meaning'. "Sir," said the boy, "I meant rto offense in the world, but I have read in the Bible at school that a man's life is but a span, and I am sure yom face is double that length." Tho gentleman threw the lad sixpence for his wit. In preaching a oharity sermon, Rov. Sydney Smith frequently rep t'..e assertion that, of all natior;. English- men wero most distinguished far gener- osity and tho love of thoir sneeioi The collection happened u, : .i Inxrior to his expectations; und he said i.it he had evidently made a great mistake, for that bis expression should havn freen that they wero distinguished for fke love of their specie. YV. II. Ireland, the bhakesj. we lor-- gcrt wrote in a volume ol his "nuap. Bodies": " As on thy tltln-pair- poor Utile brjk, Full oft i casta sail and pensive look, 1 shake my head and I ity tr.ees For I, alas I no brazen front possess, Nor do 1 ev'ry potent art profess: To send thee forth from census-.- froo." Upon this Porssn wrote: "Though can not help looking upon him as too modest m the fourth verse, he certainly underrates tho amount and extent of his possessions; he is by no means poor in nis own orass. George Colman was an admirable punstory Sheridan once said, when Georgo made a successful hit: "I hate a puu, but Colman almost reconciles me to the infliction," Ho was oueo asked if ho knew Thoodore Hook? "Oh, yes," was his reply, "Hook and I eye are old associates." Oue iluv. when Colman find his son were walking from Soho Square to tho Hay Market, two witlings, Miles Peter Andrews and V llham Augustus Miles,- were coming the contrary wav, on tho opposite side of the street. Ihevhad each sent a dramatic nianus jript for the summer llicatre, and, being anxious to got tho start of each other in the production of their several works, thoy Doth called out: "Kenicmbtir, Colman, I am first oar." "Humph," muttered tho manager, as they parsed on, "they may talk about first oars, but they have not a scull between them." This re minds one of a witticism of Douglas Jorrold. Two conceited vornar authors wero boasting that thev rowed in the sanio boat with a celebrated wit of the day. "Ayo," replied JerroIJl, "but not with the same sculls." A', Y. Observer. THE GAMBLER'S VICTIM. A Clever Trlok Terformed at the Eiponse ot Sympathising Ureenhornf. Tho steward said it wai qu!' like old times. In tho main cabin were five or six card tables and there was .t owd at every one. When the play grew hot the gold aud greenbacks began to show up, and by and by there was from throe hundred to one thousand dollars on every table. One of the players attract- ed especial attention. He -v a man of about thirty, genteel and well edu- cated, aud ho bet with a recklessness to astonish everybody. Somehow we all began to feel personally interested in his luck, aud when he wen we re- joiced as much as if he had agreed to divide up pro rata. In tvo hours ho was two thousand dollars ahead, but then his luck changed and before mid- night he was dead broke. Then his watch and ring and pin went, and ho rose up as thoroughly cleaned out as a gambler could be. " Gentlemen," he said, as hi turned to us, "I am much obliged for your kind words, and wish eacii one of you well. 1 have lost six hundred dollars intrusted to mo to deliver to a party in New Orleans, and I shall no go anv further. Good-bye!- " Ho was out on deck like a flash, and we heard a splash in tho water as we ran after him. None of us returned to tho cabin. We sat down to talk it over, and for an hour we felt bad real bad. We erected a monumcut and carved an epitaph, as it were, and every mar went to bed d. Well, next morning, wlsn tho boat reached Natchez, I ran across the Cap-tjii- n and remarked on the sad occur- rence. " See that chap?" he replied, point- ing to a man climbing up the long hill. " Why, that looks like the very chap!" Certain it docs, for it is!" . " But he went overboard!" " Bosh! He tossed over a chair and then slipped down below!" " And he didn't lose six hundred dol- lars which wasl ntrusted ? ' " lx)se nothing! He is a capper for the gamblers, and plaved to induce greenhorns to come in! .Detroit Free Yes. Parisian Sportsmen's C'jbs. Theraris Jockey Club was established in 1S38 with a budget of about fifty thousand francs, whereas at present its annual expenditure amounts U over a million francs. The first President of tho Club was an Englishman, residing in Paris Lord Henry Seymour, noted no less for his snmptuous mode of living ana costly cquipage3 than for his exU ordinary pnysicai strength, tie was able to raise one huudred pounds to his shoulder with his little finger. One day he stopped his carriage'in the Rue de la Paix and got out to thcash two sailors who wete maltreating' an old taple-woma-n. He-w- as Tery popular with the Paris popuS&ce in conseuuenc f this and simuae' actions. The oldrtt r'ub in Paris is tV Cercle de lCnion. "!f hich was founjed in 128 as qemer of op- position iQ Louis Philippe. A' !. fUl SAVANNAH, TENNESSEE. A WOMAN'S "NO." Sho had a parcel, small and round. One lovely attornoon last sumniea, l oiierca, as in duty bound. iu una ii irom uer. She thanked me, with a gracious smile, I As twmj) as rosy Hp could make it; It wan so small, 'twas not worth ichUo To lot mo take It. Attain I offered, as before, Of that slight burden to relieve hor. . . Blie'd rather not "Pray say no morel" - 'Twould realty grieve hor. 1 ceased to plpad she seemed ooqtont The thing won small, and neatly corded. And so along our way we went, To where she boarded. But when noon the stoop she stood. And ere our last adieus were uttered, . Eho eyed me In a roguish mood, And softly muttered, As swung the door to let her thrcugh, And loft me there all unresisting: J don't think very much of you For not ImMfiif;." i MUmr Orahnm, hi Centura. PUNS IN LITERATURE. Good Authority ' for Deolaring Punning Good Writing. The Species of Wit Which Flourished Dur ing the Golden Age of English Li- teratureSome Notable Examples. " Aristotle, in the eleventh chapter of his Rhetoric,' describes two or three ttnds, of pnnv which ho calls partigrams, among the beauties of good writing, and produces instances of them out of somo of the greatest authors in the Greek tonsruo." "Cicero," he goes on to observe, "has sprinkled several of his works with puns, and in his' book where he lays down tho rules of oratory, quotes abundance of sayings as pieces of wit, which also, upon examination, provo arrant puns." ' The ago in whioh this species of wit chiefly nourished in England was tho reign of King James tho First His Majesty "was a tolerable punster, and . the taste of the sovereign was studied by the courtiers and by the clergy. The greatest authors in tboir most seri- ous works made frequent uso of puns, and even in the pulpit they were not uncommon. - Punning was used under all circumstances serious as well as trivial matters were infected with it. This vice, as some will considor it, ex- tended itsolf everywhere. Indeed, it spread to so dreadful a degroe that it was us freely used in the eourt of justice and the church as anywhere else. The criminal, when conducted to death, re- ceived his sentence in a mixture of gravity and puns; and tho preacher, the more strongly, perhaps, to impress his doctrine, played on the words as ho wont along. The following sentence occurs In a sermon from tho pulpit: Tho dial shows that we must die all; yet, nevertheless, all houses are turned jnto our cares into cates; our paradise is a pair o' dice our mtirriige a merry age; our matrimony a matter o' money; our divines have become dry - wines it was not so evon in tho days of No-a- h, Ah-no- ." In tho clover paper in tho "Guardian," No. 36, entitled, "A Mod- est Apology for Punning," is drawn the distinction between tho extempo- raneous puns of conversation and tho deliberate and grave uso of this species of falso wit in, general composition. While defending Sio puns as a means of enlivening the dull wits of those en- gaged in common conversation, the writer, nevertheless, affirms: "I look upon premeditated quibbles and puns committeU to tho press as unpardon- able crimes. There is as much differ- - - ence betwixt these and the starts in common discourse as betwixt casual rencounters and niurdor with malice - prepense." The greatest authors in their most serious works made frequent use of puns. Tho sermons of Bishop Andrews and tho tragedios of Sliakespoare are full of them. In the latter nothing is more usual than to see a boro weeping and quibbling for a dozen lines together. Butler, who was greatly taken with Bishop Andrew's style, affirms that he was an inimitable preacher in this way, In an anecdote which he tolls with the view of showing bow difficult or possi- - , ble it was for those who attempted to copy him with success. , But Butler un- consciously records a severe and, at the same time, well-deserv- condemnation of the manner of writing which ho so much admires. "Pious and pleasant Bishop Felton," says ho, "his contem- porary and colleague, endeavored in vara to imitate his sermons to assim- ilate his style, and therefore said mer- rily for himself: 'I had almost marred in v own natural trot by endeavoring to imitate his artificial amble.' " ) There is no kind of false wit, says Addison, which has been so cd by the practice of all ages as that wiuui uuuswui iu jnugie ui worus anu is unucr me general vi punning, it is, indeed, lin-- , possible to kill a weed which the soil ; lias a natural disposition to produce. The seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and though they may be ' subdued by reason, reflection and good sense, they be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius that is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art Punsters, in the opinion of Steele, Tery much contribute towards the sar donic laugh, and tho extremes of cither wit or folly seldom fail of raising this noisy Kind ot applause. "As the an cicnt physician held the sardonic laugh - very beneticial to tho Iuhct, I should. itiothinks, advise all my countrymen of consumptive and hectical constitution to associate with the most facetious punsters of tho age. We will give two or three examples of these slippery fellows, who, to ue a modern phrase, hare succeeded in driv ing a coach-and-si- x through Addison's act, as to the of puns. The lectures of a Greek philosopher "werr attended by a young girl of ex- -, qulsitc beauty. One day a grain of sand happen! to get into her ej-e- , ard, be- ing unable to extricate it herself, she requested his assistance. As he was observed to perform this little operation with a seal which, perhaps, a less sparkling eve might not have com- manded, somebody called to him in Greek: "Do not spoil the pupil." A punster, being requested to give a specimen of his art, asked for a subject: "The King." "The King Is not a sub- ject," he replied. This holds good in French likewise Le Soi ' est pas tin tujel The last case belongs to" a class which Is, perhaps, more extensive than is com- - week, but most of them do piecework. A skilled mechanio makes all the way from $2 to $0 per day. There are many different departments in piano making, tho principal ones being case making, soundboard making, fly finish.-ins- r. tone and action regulating, key- - making, finishing and varnishing. The laborer who does tho heavy work is paid from $1 to $1.50 per daw Very few learn the trado in Baltimore. These men are imported from Germany, and a large number are from New Y oi k, Boston and othor places. The cases are made In four dlTeront departments, and are put together bv men doinor piecework. The maker- - average from 10 to ijs.'u per week. ine wages of the regulators of action and tone ranee from $15 to :'.5 per week. The sound-boar- d makers do their work by tho pieco. They make from $ 12 to $23 per week. The and ihero are threo departments in tins branch nets tho men about $15 per eek. Iho action-make- rs wagc3 are from $14 to $20 per week. Tno var- - ishers average 12 per week, ana then pav runs all the wav from $9 to $22. The finisher is the most skilled and his work the most important. He makes tho h'ghest wages. He gets from $15 to $:10 and $81 per week. Tl o amount mechanic makos depends entirely on his skill. Some of tho men make twice as much as their fellow-maker- s doing the fame work. Baltimore American Japanese Women. Pretty as she is on a pictured fan, a Japanese woman t fur more, satisfying to the a'sthctio soul as sho patters along, alive, on her wooden clogs or straw sandals. Tho poo: o t woman in her single, cheap, cotton gown or kimono is a much a p'cture as her richer A tor iu silk and crape. Willi the'r heads elaborately dressed, and folds o'' gay crape or a glittering hair pin thrust in' tho smooth loops ot Diuo- - a-- k ha r, they seem always a gala array, anil, rain or shine, never cover those elaborate coiffures with anvthing more than a paper uiubndla. lielow that the loose dress, opening in a point nearly to the waist, has linins and folds of sraver cranes and silks laid in side and the glory of the toilet cul minates with tho broad obi or sash. Ihe obis of striped and lijnired crape . hnx-ade- and s Iks are lined with tiflly-starch- cloth, wound round and round the waist,- - and fastened in a big cnshion-llk- e bow at the, back. Tho Ion?- loose sleeve give gruco and ease to the feint, smooth gown, and each slender figure is a pretty studv by her self. The sweat, soft voiucs, tho gentle manners, and tho elaborate courtesy displayed by everv one of them add the last and most irra-io- toiu-hn- s of these p'cturesijuo and irresistibly charming womon. lloslon I eruul. Monte Christo. Tourists used to go from St. Gcrma'n o see Monte Christo, the architectural folly of old Dumas, which he built at a cost of 700,000 francs, and sold to gel rid of an urgent creditor for 30,000 fiancs. It was an asylum in his lima for all tho niasterless dogs in tho neigh borhood, and the grounds were oi en to anybody whb felt tempted to use thom us a promenade. Tho inhabitants of his nicnn&ori-t- with whom he was on companionable terms, were almost human in the r uitelli reu.ee. .Jua-artha- . ayuituro vh;ch he bought in Algeria for ton francs, and brought thence in anti-railw- Jimes to Monlo Christo, at nn expense ol oO.OOO tran s. was tho tyrant, and. to some extent, tho school master, ot Dumas's private Zoo. All this is changod now. Thore is a high wall round tho prenii-os- . with broken ends of bottles stuck in tho mortar on tho summit A ferocious dog.mcnates nil those who try to peep in through the bars of tho gato. If tho ghost ot Ihiiuas haunts the doina'n he created. how it must sutler in the presence ol this Cerberus: London t tmes. : The Atlanta Constitution quotes ai. old railroad man's reminiscences ol early railroading in (ieorgia. "I can remember, he said, "when a passen- ger train was alrao-i- as troublosome to manage as an ox-cu- on a hilly road. I was one of - the lirst engineers thai took a train over the Statu road. Tho engine was nlxuit the s y.n of an ordi nary farm engine, and the cars wero almost as small as tbo-- o nscd on nar- - row-eaiirr- o roads. mere were ' no brakes in thoso davs. When tho tra n drew near a stat:on speed was grad ually reduced, and whon the station was reached train hands armed with blocks ot wood would junio on aua chock Iho wheels. THE MARKETS. New York. September 28. 1883. CATTLE Native Steers S 4M 6 00 COT ION Middling 10 10 V FMH'K-Go- od toChoice S 90 D DO WHEAT No. x Ked f.'H US l.'OUN No. 4SX OATS W estern Mixed S7 a Si 1VKK Family Moss 9 75 a 10 a ST. LOUIS. COTTOX-Mlddl- lng ; BEEVES Good to Heavy.... S 10 9 00 Fairto Medium.... 4 40 4 85 1IOGS Common to Select.... S 10. 4 30 SI1EE1 Fair to Choice S 40 5 ti Ft.ot H XXX to Choice 3 35 4 0 WHEAT-N- o. i Ked Winter.. K N o. a 8a 9 KO COlt-- No. Mixed OATS No i 2V RYE No. i 64 So TOBACCO Lugs S 00 S 50 laf Medium... S 00 7 50 HAT Choice Timothy 12 O0 12 50 BClTER-Cho- sM Dairy 16 18 FXiCS Fresh .4 12X 13 IOKK standard Mess 9 25 BACON Clear Itlb 69 6 L.VliD l'rlme Steam 6 9 6X CHICAGO. CATTLE Exports 4 75 oo lHxNsGooo. to Choice S 75 4 40 SHEEV-i;o- od to Choice J SO 50 FLOVlt W inter 4 40 4 K0 Pntents 4 75 5 25 WHEAT-N- o. i Spring 84 No. 2 Kcd. .... ... Ml CORX-- No. 2 OATSNo. Mcs 8 65 S IV KANSAS C1TT. CATTLE Native Sieers 4 SO ( 40 Hi m;s Sales at 4 4 m WHEAT No 2 - 78' COKN No. 2 SI OATS NO. 2 SEW OKLEAS3. "I1'R-Hl- eh tirades. 4 SOS COKN White M 54 OATS Choice Western 33 H AV t holer- - K 40 17 SO POI!K Mess S 50 BA 'ON Clear Rib COTTON Middling I.OC1SV1LLK. WHEAT No. 2 Bed 1 S3 CORN No. t Mixed - 4 OATS No. 2 Mixed ...... 17 1DKK Mesa S M Rib S OuTTON" Middling vou wih to par-cha- a shoe furyour Hoy c.r Girl that will t a, rH t hawaaraiiitla) of every-da- y Ofatfe. that Is made of honest leather throughout, and on common senna Mean, attic your dealer for II MOfrin'a SCHOOL SllOrV known everrwtn're bt the Trade Mark of the w Little Red School Hoosi found oa ths bottom of tavb pair. iNuaa grntne wlthoat 11.1 tW Sk alao forth HENDERSON $2.50 SSaliSAti' WOMAN'S GOAT BUTTON.' autchf 4 with bilk and every way a..ll.l. Made only br IhelVlHwated naautartarers JLtitnilUtiUH fclal, of llonMaad Shoes, ihiraga. Writeor a8 of our funct School Cards. A. N. K., n. 1050 WHEX WBITINB TO ADVERTISERS please aay yoa saw the adTertlsemeot in this paper. Advertiser like to kuow when and where their adrertlaeuienU are paylna; best. A Clear Skin Is only a part of beauty; but it is a part. Every lady may have it ; at least, what locks like it Magnolia Balm both freshens and beautifies. it'