Romantic Relationships
Dec 22, 2015
DatingWatch this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umc7BFEhWz0
Love
What the world generally refers to as love is an intense
emotionality combining physical attraction, possessiveness,
control, addiction, eroticism, and novelty.
David R. Hawkins
Power Vs Force, pg71.
Love
Love is that condition in which the happiness of
another person is essential to your own.
Robert Heinlein
RelationshipsThe Elements of Attraction
ProximityThose similar to usProjection
Believing our desired one carries the traits we want
Bargaining (someone in your league)
RelationshipsThe role of sex in attraction,
although discussed in early psychological theories, is underestimated.Sex Affects Your Thinking, and You Don
’t Seem to Care
People prefer to believe in mystical reasons for their attraction than their more base drives.
AttractionEarly childhood relationships
Attachment Style
Secure Anxious Avoidant
Influences how we behave in relationships.
Although often consistent over relationships, it can change in regard to the power differential in the relationship.
Seinfeld, Upper Hand, And Relationship Attachment Style
AttractionMemory, Familiarity, and its impact on
picking a partner (A General Theory of Love)Alcohol issues, abusive partnersHow this attraction can be counterproductive
“Crazy” in love How to Develop Sexual and Romantic Attraction
to People Who Are Good for You
RelationshipsDrama:
Many say they want a drama free relationship, yet their behavior demonstrates otherwise. They become bored in healthy, stable
relationships. They may cheat:
To bring excitement Because they want the passion that comes
with a new relationship. They may report not being “in love” with their
partner anymore.
RelationshipsThe Real Reason Many Get Married:
PossessionTo be a Princess or Prince for a DayCultural Influences
We are programmed from an early age to believe marriage is the norm, a way to happiness, an expectation.
It has almost become a competition Bigger diamonds, weddings, etc.
Why You Really Want To Get Married
RelationshipsCompanionship
Life partnerSomeone to make life easier, to travel
with usThis is at least beneficial to men:
Statistics indicate men live longer when married. Women have slight health benefits, when in a
happy marriage.
How to Pick Your Life Partner
RelationshipsCompensation
Many believe opposites attractAlthough we tend to marry those similar to
us…Often personality traits are opposedThis can help bring one into a more
balanced personality.
Soul Mates
Our survey from 2011 indicated approximately 75% of those surveyed (the largest population
was female college students) believe in the idea of a Soul Mate.
This can lead to unrealistic expectations, including the expectation of a “super
relationship”.
Making Relationships WorkUnderstand some of the differences
between men and women.Empathy versus Solution focus
Empathy Vs. Solution FocusWatch this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
Making Relationships WorkHave realistic expectations for the
relationship and your partner.
Remain Present in the relationship.Be With Me Or Let Me Be
Avoid falling into parental roles.When Men Are Boys and Wives Are Mothers
Making Relationships WorkBe honest in your relationship
Full disclosure may not be necessary, but honesty is imperative to a healthy ongoing relationship.
Secrets kill relationships
Do not become too secureSecurity can lead to taking another for
granted. If you remain mildly anxious about the state
of your relationship, you will work harder at it.
Making Relationships WorkCommit to working on things.
Our culture has led to an emphasis on immediate gratification.
Relationships have ups and downs, but some exit when the relationship is in a down.
Relationships take work, and patience. If you want a relationship to last you must commit to working on it.
The Blurry Line of LoveWhere does acting out of Love end,
and being a sucker begin?
Do many in this culture even know what Love, in the romantic sense, means?
How do we balance the complete idea of Love, with the independence and ego ideal we also desire?
A Few More Words on LoveMay discussed there being four types
of love, and happy relationship being based on all four:Sex, Eros, Philia, and AgapeBut few are able to attain and maintain this.
A Few More Words on Love & Relationships…Ego versus Agape / Metta Love
Our ego allows us to function in realityOur experiences, culture, exposure to the
“stories” of love, are part of our ego, and color our idea of what we deserve.
These forces struggle against our natural desire to love purely
Love’s Tug Of War
A Few More Words on Love & Relationships…Our selfish desires…
To be cared for as much as we believe we should be
To get what we want To be the most important thing in our others life
Our insecurities Our fear of being made a fool of
All get in the way of what love can really be.
We have to learn to balance these conflicting desires for ego fulfillment and for agape love
To Sum UpRelationships take work.
And although you may want to cling to your old beliefs and discard some of what was presented, it may serve you better to alter your expectations, suspend your “story” and try to look at things objectively.
LoveSome of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take."
~ Anthony Robbins