Revising the Body (Part 3)
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Revising the Body (Part 3)
Today we will discuss
1. Style2. Tone3. Conciseness4. Errors in grammar & mechanics5. Errors in usage & idiom
STYLE
Common problems
INF. = informal– Pronoun P.O.V. – Contractions
Characteristics of the academic style
Pronoun point of viewOur convention: Use the third person p.o.v.
In our country. . .
Other expressions
– a lot of problems– kids, tots– It is not that difficult.– Juveniles got unjustly imprisoned.– The researcher got to see the results– This happened way before . . .– Before*, stem cells were harvested
from…
APPLY! Scan your draft for these words and other informal expressions
Distancing for counter-A’s
Distancing - linguistic signals that tend to disassociate a writer from an assertionIn your ARP, which of the types of arguments (pro-, counter-, refutation) should you disassociate from?
Without distancingTS: The age of criminal responsibility should not be decreased to 15.
[Counterargument]The age of criminal responsibility
should be lowered because the lenient treatment dealt to child-criminals emboldens them to commit more serious crimes. According to the MMDA. . . . [evidence]
Strategies for distancing
• Attribution – identify the source Proponents of HB XXX claim that the age of criminal responsibility should be lowered because the lenient treatment dealt to child-criminals emboldens them to commit more serious crimes.
PassivizationIt has been claimed that the age of
criminal responsibility should be lowered because the lenient treatment dealt to child-criminals emboldens them to commit more serious crimes.
Let’s apply!
1. Find your counter-arguments. 2. Put in distancing.
Managing tone
Managing tone
Tone – the writer’s attitude towards the subject/topic as shown by his/her word choice
Generally: ( - ) 0 ( + ) Your ARP tone: objective, detached
Certain CAS departments are pushing for accreditation.Certain CAS departments are supporting accreditation.Certain CAS departments are willing to undergo accreditation.
Let’s apply!
Scan a section your draft. Check its tone.Are there any words that sound biased? Replace these with more neutral words.
Conciseness
Sentence construction
Less is more.1. Avoid redundancy.2. Be concise. Use shorter
structures: single words instead of phrases; phrases instead of clauses.
3. Avoid expletive and passive constructions.
The wives or husbands of the respondents
Male participants who were thirty years old
Expletives
Sentences that begin with there
To date, there are 30 children who have died because of dengue. To date, 30 children have died because of dengue.
Active vs. Passive voice sentences
The active voice is usually preferred to the passive voice.These implications are presented by the researcher.The researcher presents these implications.
Common sources of wordiness
“said” Chiropractic is a therapeutic method that involves manipulation of the spine. The said / aforementioned technique involves. . . .
– This technique involves. . . .
Common sources of wordiness
Redundant word pairsPeople will see and perceive the effectiveness of sex education in lowering or decreasing the rate of teenage pregnancy.
Unnecessary wordsDadufalza, in her book entitled Reading into Writing 2 published in 1994 said. . . .
Let’s apply
Reread a section of your paper.Edit it to make it more concise.
Common errors in grammar & mechanics
Some common mechanical errors
internet * = Internet(near) homophones
One of it’s* many featuresThis* problemsThe Philippines* response to the
issuePhilippines have* many problems.There* mother is sick.
Some common mechanical errors
Study the rules for hyphenationCapitalization – capitalize only proper nouns
diabetes, Lou Gehrig's disease
GRAMMAR: Pronoun errors
Pronoun-referent agreement– The United Nations reported in their*
study…
Missing pronoun antecedent
The committee has made a decision.The committee are discussing the options.
GRAMMAR: Parallelism (//)
Parallel structures for: a series of coordinate phrases:– Stem cell therapy prevents mutation
and effective in curing cancer.
GRAMMAR: Parallelism (//)
Parallel structures for correlative pairs: either… or, neither.. .nor, not only… but also– Not only does it have advantages but
disadvantages as well.*– It has not only advantages but
disadvantages as well.
Not only it has advantages …
Passive forms, verbs that function as adjectives
These recommendations are base* on the following findings.The following are consider* wrong.Having been discussed* the definition of globalization, this paper presents the following findings. . . .
Errors in comparison
Comparing different entitiesThe Philippines’ population greater than Singapore.*
Missing reference of “that”The Philippines’ population is greater than that of* the population of Singapore.Its’
Writing numbers (NUM)
One, two, … nine, 10, 11, etc.1.5One-half, one-third, one fourth, two-thirds; 2/5, 3/192 kilometers, 6 liters, 2 percent
Comma vs. semi-colon
[,] vs [;]MSG can enhance favor___ it can also prevent Parkinson’s disease.However ___ overconsumption can lead to brain tissue damage.MSG binds with the neural endings ____ thus causing neurons to fire impulses.
Single quotes [‘x’] vs. double quotes [“x”]
[“ ”]Patients may suffer from “myocardial infarction and arthrosclerosis” (De Guzman, 2008, p. 6).
• [‘ ’]Macapagal (2012, p. 1) reported that “Senator Juan Ponce Enrile himself pointed out the lack of a clear legal definition of the term: ‘Political dynasty is a hard concept to define. . . . There should be a law on political dynasty.’ ”
Others
Properly introduce acronyms• The English Language and Cultural
Enrichment Program (ELCEP) is . . . • The English Language and Cultural
Enrichment Program or ELCEP . . .
Errors in usage and unidiomatic expressions
Usage errors
Stressed out vs. stressedThe researchers _______ the following points.
Stressed out – informal way of saying one feels anxious and worried, as in “I’m all STRESSED OUT.”Stressed – emphasized: She STRESSED the following points.
Mature vs. maturedJuveniles should not be imprisoned because they are not yet ___________. Mature – an adjective; fully developed, as in “A MATURE person”; ant: IMMATURE (not immatured*)Matured – a verb; brought to full development: “My insurance MATURED last month.”
Secure vs. securedA child should be raised in a _________ environment.
Secure – an adj.; free of fear: “I am SECURE in my identity”; ant: INSECURE (not insecured*)Secured – a verb; guarded, fastened: “The area has been SECURED”
mainA main* problem with chemotherapy is its effect on healthy cells. main – primary, principal The main problem with . . . A major problem with
All kinds of people, may they be* young or old, can be affected by the disease.
May they be blessed by the Lord. All kinds of people, be they young or old, can be affected by the disease. The motive, be it good or bad, is no longer important.
The researchers implied* the following findings. . . .
Idiomatic expressions
Idiomatic – “containing expressions that are natural to a native speaker of a language”Verb + preposition
Verb + Preposition
1. Based ___ their researchBased ON their research
2. The effects of this policy ____ societyThe effects of this policy ON society
3. X stops Y _[prep]_ [happen]X stops Y FROM HAPPENING
4. X allows Y _[prep]_ [happen]X allows Y TO HAPPEN
Verb + Preposition
X discourages Y _[prep]_ [do]X hinders Y _[prep]_ [happen]X prevents Y _[prep]_ [happen]
X encourages Y [prep] [happen]X allows Y [prep] [happen]X compels Y [prep] [happen / do something]
Reporting verbs that cannot be followed by a that-clause (“that X is…”)
• The author discusses that *X is The author discusses X
• The author presents that * X is • The author describes that * X is• The author supports that * X is
The author researched on* X … researched XThe author discusses on/ about* XThe author mentions about* X
NOTE ON “MENTION”: a brief or casual reference
Others
Philippines* is an archipelagic country.Other reason* is the presence of. . . .
Commonly misused words
Account– People should account* the brain
development of children in the issue.– Sexual abuse is accounted as* / accounts*
42% of the cases involving children filed in 2011 .
Tackle This paper tackles* the definition of poverty.
Similar words, different meanings
wood vs. woodswork vs. workspaper vs. papersdamage vs. damageseconomic vs. economical
The amount of peopleThe problem roots from / The problem is rooted from
A Recap!
Today we discussed:1. Style2. Tone3. Conciseness4. Errors in grammar & mechanics5. Errors in usage & idiom
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