Relationships In and Out of Addiction and Recovery - May 2010

Self-Actualization:Intentional Self-

Knowledge - or –

“Be All You Can Be” (and do it on purpose)

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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“What a man can be, he must be…This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.”

- Abraham Maslow

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Overview

► Johari Window Theory

► Maslow’s Theory

► Self-Actualization

► Self-Aware Person

► Resources, Tools, and Recommended Reading

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Johari Window

II

Blind

Known to Self

Unknown to Self

Unknown to Others

I

Open/PublicKnown to Others

III

Hidden

IV

Unknown

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Johari Window

I. Public/Open QuadrantII. Blind QuadrantIII. Hidden QuadrantIV. Unknown Quadrant

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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I. Public/Open Quadrant

►What I know about me►What others know about me as well

Name, feelings, motives, wants, needs, desires, etc.

As we know each other and ourselves better this quadrant grows larger

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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II. Blind Quadrant

►Things others know about me but I am unaware of I need to learn more about myself Ex: Food on my face

►As confidence, maturity, and self-esteem develop we actively invite others to comment on our blind spots

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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III. Hidden Quadrant

►Things I know about myself that others do not know

►Secrets►Self-disclosure►Ex: favorite flavor of ice cream

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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IV. Unknown Quadrant

►Things I do not know about myself and others do not know about me either

►New situations often reveal information about ourselves that we and others did not know

►Novel situations trigger new awareness and growth

►Self-actualization (Maslow).

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Johari Window: Under-Developed,

Under-Aware Person

Lacks personal awareness and growth.

Others unable to know person as well.

III

IIIIV

Open/Public

Blind

Hidden

Unknown

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Johari Window: Under-Developed Person

(Co-Dependant)

III

III IV

Also lacks personal awareness and growth.

So “other” focused that cannot know “self”.

Open/Public

Blind

Hidden

Unknown

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Johari Window: Developed Person/

Self-Actualized Person

Developed or achieved one's full potential.

Takes intention, time, and hard work.

III

IIIIV

Open/Public

Blind

Hidden Unknown

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Johari Window

DISCLOSURE

FEEDBACK

Known to Self

Unknown to Self

Known to

Others

Unknown to

Others

Public

Area

Blind Area

Hidden Area

Unknown Area

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

►Physiological Needs►Safety & Security Needs►Love & Belonging Needs►Esteem Needs►Self-Actualization

“Deficit” Needs

“Being” Needs

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Physiological Needs► Need for air, food, & water► Need for activity, rest, sleep, and to get rid

of wastes

► Need for safe circumstances, stability, and protection

► Need for structure, order, and some limits

Safety & Security Needs

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Love & Belonging Needs► Need friends, a sweetheart, children, and

affectionate relationships in general► Need a sense of community, of belonging

► Need the respect of others, status, fame, glory, recognition, attention, reputation, appreciation, dignity, and even dominance.

► Need for self-respect, confidence, competence, mastery, achievement, independence, and freedom.

Esteem Needs

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Self-Actualization Needs► A continuous need to fulfill potentials► A need to grow► Need for:

Truth - Goodness Beauty - Unity Wholeness - Aliveness Uniqueness - Perfection Completion - Justice Order - Simplicity Richness - Effortlessness/Mastery Playfulness - Self-sufficiency Meaningfulness

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Self-Actualized Characteristics

► Reality-centered ► Problem-centered► Perception of means &

ends► Enjoy solitude► Deep personal

relationships► Autonomous► Sense of humor

► Acceptance of self & others

► Humility & respect towards others

► Human kinship► Strong ethics► Freshness of

appreciation► Creative► Peak experiences

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Self-Awareness, A Prerequisite:

►For effective communication and interpersonal relations

►For allowing us to embrace our own humanity, limitations, frailties

►For developing empathy for others ►For us to know who we are and who

we are not

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Developing Self-Awareness Can:

►Help us to recognize when we are stressed or under pressure

►Allows us to know why we are responding or acting the way we are

►Brings us freedom►Ex: Counseling sessions

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Self-Awareness Requires:

►Honesty & Courage ►Willingness to Change

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth.

Growth must be chosen again and again;

fear must be overcome again and again.”

- Abraham Maslow

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Self-Awareness is NOT:

►Is very different than being self-conscious.

►An Excuse!

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Self-Actualization, Self-Awareness

►Self, Others, Higher Power►Triad needs to be in balance, can’t

have one without the others ►If we do our work:

Relationships with depth, meaning, that last, that have room in them for mistakes, can be repaired, and are stronger for the repairing

Something to offer, ability to receive

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Lack of Self-Actualization

►Leads to: Unbalanced life Poor self-care Is not mutually healthy/supportive Taking rather than giving Using rather than loving

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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How?

►Magnum Opus: A lifetime of WORK►Builds on what has come before►Safety vs. crisis►Obedience?►Community/Commitment

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Tools►Online JoHari window exercise

http://kevan.org/johari►Jung Personality types

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

►Personality Test http://similarminds.com/jung.html

►Keirsey Types http://www.keirsey.com/

►Myers Briggs http://www.myersbriggs.org/

04/10/2023 Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital

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Resources► Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, “Of Human

Interaction,” 1969.► Abraham Maslow, “Toward a Psychology of

Being,” 1968; “Motivation and Personality,” 1970; & “The Further Reached of Human Nature,” 1971.

► Association for Humanistic Psychology http://www.ahpweb.org/aboutahp/whatis.html

► Recommended reading http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/books/

Relationships In and Out of

Addiction and Recovery

Ed Conlin, BSEd., CAC - R

IS IT LOVE …

… OR AM I JUST THIRSTY?

We Are Spiritual Beings…

We have an infinite capacity

and an

unquenchable thirst!

When we get what we want, it never satisfies.

We are designed to be “Givers,” whose lives work properly when located in proper community where

others are “Givers”.

Carl Jung “Protective Walls of Human Community”

We need right relationships with: Family/Friends Community Self Higher Power

We can’t use love to make us happy ...

...“Love isn’t love until it is FOR the other person.”

If we use relationships to satisfy, then we make them objects for our gratification.

The addictive personality will use such objects pathologically .

“ADDICTION is a pathological relationship of ‘love and trust’ with

an object or event.”IntimateExclusiveUsed for gratificationRegular & Ongoing

We come to expect the substance to do for us what makes us feel good (or not so bad!)

As with addiction, we become no longer capable of loving others for their good.

We become only capable of using them to fill our needs,

distract us from pain…

The codependent person will often sabotage their partner’s recovery to preserve his/her own role.

Same with family…

Virginia Satir “Modern Family System” -

one family member in pain= all members in pain.

So with Toxic Relationships -

Begins with desire to love, becomes need to control.

A desire to be loved becomes a need to be desired.

A desire to help becomes a need to ‘fix’. … (a need to be needed)

Toxicity offers us:

Buzz of Intimacy Buzz of Chase & Being Chased Buzz of Sex Buzz of “fixing the project” Buzz of fighting/making up Buzz of Chaos (all of above intensified) Protection from the detox of withdrawal

Questions?

Comments?

Thanks for coming!