Raising Children In a New Culture. Challenges for parents Weather Language – learn English Find a place to live Find a job Go to school.

Raising Children In a New Culture

Challenges for parents

Weather

Language – learn English Find a place to live Find a job Go to school

Challenges for parents

Parents want to keep their culture - food and customs. Children want to eat pizza and Macdonalds like their friends.

Children adapt faster than their parents.

Challenges for parents The culture in Canada is not familiar. It is sometimes

difficult to understand.

Family members are not here to help you.

Parents must do many things - take care of children, cook, clean, grocery shopping AND work at a job.

Challenges for parents

Disciplining children in Canada is different than in the

home country.

Children have rights. Parents do not understand the laws in Canada.

Children have too much freedom. Parents feel they do not have control.

Parents worry about their children’s safety.

Challenges for Parents

Do parents have rights in Canada?

Parents have the right to set limits for their children.

Parents have the right to make rules for the family.

Parents have the right to teach their culture to their children as long as their beliefs do not break the law in Canada.

Challenges for Parents

What are parents’ responsibilities in Canada?

Parents are responsible to: look after their children until they are 18 years

old provide food and clothing provide a safe home for their children make sure children go to school

Challenges for children

• Language – learn English

• School is different

• Children are lonely – no friends

• Bullying at school

Challenges for children

Children are growing up in 2 cultures.

Children want to please their parents.

They also want to be like their

Canadian friends.

Children may think they do not belong

to either culture.

Values Values are beliefs that are very important

to us.

We want to teach these values to our children.

People can have different ways of seeing the same thing. It doesn’t always mean that one person is wrong.

What do you see?

Values

Our values can change when

we get new information, our belief or value does not help us in the

new country, or we learn a new way to do something.

Changing Values / Adaptation

Adapting to a new culture = change.

Change happens slowly – little by little.

Keep some beliefs from your culture.

Choose some beliefs from Canadian culture.

Find a balance between 2 cultures.

your culture new culture

Take the good things from your culture and Canadian culture.

Discipline and Punishment

Discipline is NOT the same as punishment.

Discipline

Setting rules and limits for children

Listening to children

Solving problems with children

Setting a good example for children

Discipline

Discipline teaches children how to behave well.

Discipline teaches children how to change behaviour.

Examples of Punishment

Hitting or spanking Using physical force Calling the child names Making the child feel bad about himself or

herself (put downs) Threatening the child Yelling or screaming at the child

Punishment

Punishment makes children afraid.

Punishment does not teach children to change behaviour.

What kind of family are you?

(Barbara Coloroso)

Brick wall family

Jellyfish family

Backbone family

Brick Wall Authoritarian Parent Parents demand

absolute obedience.

Parents control their

children – no discussion.

Children are afraid of being punished.

(Brick Wall)

Brick Wall (Authoritarian)

There can be an emotional distance between parents and children.

Children may rebel (drugs, alcohol, sex). This is a way of getting back at parents.

Children do not learn how to make good choices.

Jelly Fish Permissive Parent Parents do not set any

rules for their children.

Children do whatever they want.

Children are confused, because they think no one cares.

(Jelly Fish)

Jelly Fish (Permissive)

Children do not feel connected to their family.

Teenagers may use drugs or alcohol or join a gang to be with friends.

Teenagers may have a boyfriend or girlfriend to feel loved.

Backbone Authoritative Parent Parents care about

their children’s behaviour.

Parents set rules for

their children.

Parents teach children how to think - not what to think.

(back bone)

Backbone (Authoritative)

Children help make the rules. Parents are the final authority (the boss of the family).

Children understand the rules, so they are more willing to accept them.

Children can help decide what happens if they do not follow the rules.

Remember No one can be a backbone parent 100% of the

time.

You can be a backbone parent most of the time.

Communication

Communication is how we talk to each other.

Every culture has their own way of communicating.

Some ways of communicating help us have better family relationships.

Communication

Roadblocks

Serc 2009

Roadblocks to communication

Lecture or judge

Talk and not listen

Criticize – think we are always “right”

Point a finger at the other person

Serc 2009

Effective Communication Two-way communication

Listening is important

Serc 2009

The Chinese characters for “listen”

聽

The Chinese characters for “listen”

聽 undivided attention

eyes

heart

ear

To Listen:

Eye contact

Eye contact means looking at a person’s eyes when you are talking to him or her.

Do people in your culture make eye contact when they talk to each other?

What does eye contact mean in your culture?

Eye contact

In Canada eye contact is a good thing.

Eye contact means “I am listening to what you say.”

Eye contact means “I care about you.”

Effective Communication

● Two-way communication

● Listening is important

聽 The Chinese characters that make up the verb “to listen” tell us

something significant about this skill.

Serc 2009

ear eyes

Undivided attention

heart

Being a parent is an important job.

Children and parents learn together.

Try to understand your child’s adaptation.

Ask your child:

“How does it feel to grow up in Canada?

Being a parent is an important job. As a parent, you constantly learn more and

more about your children.

Talk about your values and beliefs.

Set family rules together.

Talk about behaviour that is acceptable.

Praise your children when they behave well.

Parent – child relationship

The relationship between parents and their children is important.

Do not reject your child. If you do, your child may find connection with groups that put your child at risk of harm.

Parent – child relationship

Parents and children can work together to solve the challenges of adapting to a new culture.

Parent-child relationship

Ask yourself:

“What is more important? Keeping everything from my culture or making some changes to keep my family together?”