Radland

R A D L A N D

Sean Ulman

Copyright © 2011 by Sean Ulman All Rights Reserved ISBN: 978-0-9828032-7-1 Published by Deadly Chaps New York, NY 2011 Cover Design by Deena Acquafredda Book Design by Joseph A. W. Quintela http://www.deadlychaps.com

Contents:

1: EYE C

2: “Blacklands”

3: Premiere 1

4: Premiere 2

5: Ed, the Player

6: Springbreak

7: Las Vegas

8: Tijuana

9: Beware Bandidos

10: Ensenada

11: Starlet Cs ★s

12: Guerrero Negro pm ✓pt.

13: Guerrero Negro 2

14: Guerrero Negro 3A

15: Guerrero Negro 3B

16: Youth Cast

17: Youth Cast 2

18: Swine Fluid

19: Understudy Study

20: Mulege

21: Planet Boojum

22: La Paz

23: San José del Cabo

24: Beach Camp

25: Birds&Rain

26: Scrutiny on Mutiny

27: Hot Spring

28: Moon Boojum

29: Breakfast Oasis

30: ✓pt. 2

31: Holy Cow

32: 1Man Bandido Band

33: Branded Bandido

34: Baneful Bandido

35: Bantam Bandido

36: Bludgeoned Bandido

38: About the Author

1

EYE C

I(me) C(see) irrevocably.

What EYE(digital camera) Cs can be edited shaped framed

flipped.

I C she: starlet ilk, off-farm fresh, fruit-frappe sexpot.

EYE Cs aloof frosty posture, squashed aplomb.

I C she dumped; a first! Thirst, vulnerable = viable.

EYE (filming from snow cairn): I strutting up, eyeing dime.

2

2

“Blacklands”

28min 8mm color 2K SDU Grant. A bomblet Short.

FADE IN

Ed atop blue VW in Black Hills N.P (no permit) regarding

cinder-tinder steeples, lead-knifed dunes. Thunder

pound, EYE trembles, bison trample. Bug sooted slate.

Ed’s face pumice-pied.

Ed eats last grass blade. Cut stomach bleeds into

graphite-gray earth. Sleeps, dreams reality.

Man surrenders to landscape at outset.

I admit 1 flaw – lacks a starlet.

3

3

Premiere 1

160 buzzed coeds blanketed on lawn. My film projected on

gym’s big brick wall. Sound synched to each’s IPOD, drive-in

dirigible. They sip cinema syrup, levitate into phantasmal eve.

Aurora borealis burgeon above as onscreen Ed ekes opening

line to onyx obelisks,

“Why man? Only to awe?”

Projector tick.

In the vacant dorms 2 goons pilfer 18 laptops.

4

4

Premiere 2

Ed crashes VW into tarry spire. Od’d on awe; can’t join land. Penalized for nicking earth, Ed perishes. FADE OUT

All too euphoric to applaud. Projector tick.

Wet moans. Lovers in the bush boning w/ clothes on.

Shooting ★s unzip sky, fizzle.

I cry b/c I gave them this.

Paying debt to Ingmar Bergman Terrence Malick Werner Herzog

Tarantino PTA Aronofsky Wes…

I’ve built & lent an artful escape.

5

5

Ed, the Player

I cast Ed in lead of 2 one-man casts. 1st in my dope debut film

“Blacklands.” 2nd as friend.

His close up screams for silver screen: red curls, blue pupils,

peppered freckles, marble teeth;

1950’s hayseed farmhand or refined twin of MAD mag’s mascot.

Raspy lilt; raw hilt on act craft & he takes direction.

No opus w/o Ed, no cross-campus celebrity.

So we’re a symbiosis & buds besides: I’m all the sand; Ed’s an

ant.

6

6

Springbreak

She heard I and Ed rapping (overacting):

“Baja baby! 1wk 8000mi 90°!”

She’d seen “Blacklands,” Ed’s acting acumen, my eye.

We’re not ugly. Genius is vogue.

EYE Cs doe eyes dart, a shook shale vase.

I C she has no plans 4 break.

Eye: I strut, deadpan, “Hablas español bella dama?”

She doesn’t. But she C’s my deep eye, beseeching, besieging,

assessing her figure.

“Um… Can I bring a friend?”

7

7

Las Vegas

Midnight. Giant Lite-Brite Lego desert installation. Flickers pulse

my page, “Mersault slept.”

Luxor beam HWY 15. Nice to glide by deluxe farce. No one

wins in Sin’s fiefdom.

Ed exits. She wants 1spin.

EYE Cs her bisect smut leaflet gust into Flamingo, Ed taxiing

tart’s purse.

She smacks Ed’s mug w/ $$bag. Ed acts KO’d.

1spin 3cherries $800. “Trip’s paid for.”

♥ in throat .3 sec, I icily turn page.

8

8

Tijuana

Noon. Melt. Fence. Donut cart. Vendor ogles her waggling bun.

Doles glazed buns, licks pinkies, pink lips. Aching to taste her, I

drive up.

Swarthy guard grills me, inspects passports, peeks 4 Xtras.

I roll tires 1rev. She rolls ↓ window.

In 2mirrors (Rview, guard’s eyes) I C her glowing throat drip dew

↓ tapered carnal dale.

His choice: search us & her body’s geology, or make her smile.

He winks (she blinks) and waves us thru.

9

9

Beware Bandidos

My bro’d warned me, “No night driving or camping. Bandidos!”

Spindly legs wriggle under Subaru. Lu screams. Man pops↑.

Jolly. Blathers benign español greetings & apologies.

He is Tall, Slow & Harmless.

Wrench in T-bone paw, nothing leaking from car.

Sneakers scuff. Asthmatic hyena’s muffled guffaws. Dopey

lookout bookin it.

“Lo siento,” tall tame man says “Mi familia es muy pobre.”

He empties his empty pockets.

10

10

Ensenada

Pork empanadas. My treat, her$. Beach picnic. Tubed surfers.

I want to crush her like waves sand sand. Raze & daze babe:

bulldozer in rut.

Ed wants to lap her: filmy receding surf: hazy lay of ½dozing

lambs.

Our eyes convey opp-stylized desires, she sighs. Girls lift, walk.

EYE Cs girls hold hands, pick shells.

I flick a booger on Ed. He knows I aim to incite action 4 EYE.

He stares off, bloated ♥ blocking art.

11

11

Starlet Cs ★s

Beside sullen Lu Ed drives 1lane dirt Rd slow so EYE can absorb

orange sage-specked bank crumbling beyond beauty’s unsmug

mug. She turns too soon, Cs rolling camera, can’t roll w/ it.

Bashful. Blushes, brushes bangs, blows kisses.

A pickup bolts by blaring mariachi musica, blows dust. Sun

twinkling ochre chaff. Shot has potential.

“Lean out,” I coach, “Cough!” She Cs ★s, rolls ↑ window.

This film’s a flop.

12

12

Guerrero Negro pm ✓pt.

Gutters lined w/ fire rings 6 a side. Ceremonious inspection. 8

new soldiers. Iron scowls, wispy staches, assault rifles.

Passports possessed.

Boy, baggy desert-cammo fatigues, drags shaving mirror taped

to rod under car. Apprentice dentist itching 4 sticky cavities.

Passports pass, passed back.

I glare at rifles, think: they’re for safety.

Fixation affixes fret, gains gainsay.

Guns are meant to go off.

13

13

Guerrero Negro 2

Hotel Ballena. From 2nd busted twin bed she bedroom eyes me

as Lu starts shower.

I send Ed out 4 more Pacifico Ballena 32oz bottles.

Door shuts & she’s on me. Straddle saddled.

“I want to be your ★. But I need a ★,” she pants. De-pants.

No time to explain a guy needs a sec to stiffen. Her wet mouth

in mine fixes it.

A rough sprint. Used, hardly abused, yet I C so little.

A cheap thrill.

I’ll take it.

14

14

Guerrero Negro 3A

Hot dog stand. Bright corner on ill-lit dirt streets. Chipper

vendor, puffy gold cheeks, thief hands, flips snap-shut silver lids,

tongs the works, spins grilled links.

Makes small talk w/ regular - regular talk, not small, talk he

means.

“Cómo es tu familia? Dile a ellos les digo hola.”

His son pours horchata dixie cups, makes change w/ inherited

alacrity, eyes us, then Cs looming 6. Swallows grin.

15

15

Guerrero Negro 3B

Cholo teens, baggy black denim. Cut us, dip digits in tin bins,

dummy dumping cooler on peer cashier.

Leader Cs her, fishes gold chain 4 wallet.

Buys her hot dog. They want to C her eat it.

She lets him touch her face; trace elusive world’s illusive

entrance.

Her frosty stare ices him, avows ‘poor boy go play.’

She walks off like Ingrid Bergman.

Frazzled bossboy flexes, shakes down vendor for his cut & then

the rest of it.

16

16

Youth Cast

“I’m still young.” She strips in prickly thicket. Trash sacks thwap

thorns. She asks @ audience.

“It’s 4 art,” I say. “We choose. Big films audition audiences.”

EYE Cs 10x what I saw.

In natural form she finds her form.

She can act. Tempt. Tips lips & nips in lumpy light.

Smooth seraph smothering scrub’s pricks stickers spiked slash.

Tramps pitaya hydra. Alabaster arms lash medusa braids. Cut.

Blood slithers ↓ belly. “Ow!”

“Cut.”

17

17

Youth Cast 2

I make like a makeup artist, baste her breasts w/ blood, chink

hip w/ cholla hunks.

EYE pulls off her pouting flailing failing. “No no I’m a mess.”

EYE barges in. “Yes! Yes!” I coalesce w/ theme – beauty beaten

by land.

I strip, swab her w/ my best Tee. Caress. Like a starved swab

just in port, I make to make it w/ her.

Kneed in groin, I grovel to EYE to preserve her superior posterior

splotched w/ cactus smooches.

18

18

Swine Fluid

Rejected, I re-appropriate my appetites. Park beside dead dog.

Perky portly owners, serve pork tacos salsas guac & pork juice

portion cups.

They wait to C us slurp delicacy. I chug, scald throat. “Muy

buena, gracias.”

Girls grimace at greasy tea’s stringy sinews.

Wife goes. Man stays, squints, perhaps considers quitting

cooking. I slap up a tortilla & attack.

“Ed! Fucking drink it!”

EYE pans btw sour actor & dour owner.

19

19

Understudy Study

Chicks up front. Lu changed, chatty, ‘my bf this, my bf that.’

I like challenge. Taken is tempting.

EYE likes her darty eye. This darkhorse temptress never learned

how to look others in eye.

So when her lent mint-tint lenses land, they wallop.

EYE pans copper-soil gutters to rot palapas to Lu’s jade gems.

Ed nudges me. He I & EYE watch 2 boys on bikes watch a

3legged mutt hump a dog that may very well be a rat.

20

Mulege

Breeze. Hush. Lush palms. Bougainvilleas fringe orchards. Rivers

gush. Forest frosts desert rim.

Spacious screened taco stand. Stone counter. Bamboo floor.

Fresh lass serves fresh bass w/ 7 salsas. Father filets with

celerity and felicity.

Orioles overlap liquid timbres.

Waitress asks to touch Lu’s silk tresses.

EYE Cs Lu’s eyes close, velvety tanned hands thread (sexy slant

on Salon scene), Ed loving girl love.

21

21

Planet Boojum

Bands of rubbery black spruce-like stands bend like flagellum or

Dr. Seuss’s serpentine stalks shagged w/ fur tuffs.

Red-tipped barrels prickle sun-pelted plat, sprinkle sage &

baked clay. Embed ore: onyx-ruby garish crystal-radish garden-

garnish.

EYE Cs levitating colored levels, blue sky blued by land’s piquant

pigments: coffee mint ochre mud blood.

Lay a Maná song over page & Bam!

The opening and/or ending.

22

22

La Paz

EYE Cs blue-footed boobies perched on port cranes, Sea of

Cortez pano-rama, Pemex bano. Girls going in as 2 mujeres

hermosan exit. Btw parties. Heels. Skirts. Legs! Lil jackets.

Gringo gals gawp. Señoritas flounce w/o flinching or glancing.

Ed&I entranced-entrenched.

I lift EYE on gas guy grunting at pump insertion, leering at spruce

bellezas swanning.

3 guys’ slouched maws & ↑brows agree: here, they grow them

more organic.

23

23

San José del Cabo

Concrete round@s. Beeps blinks scorched palms languid lamps.

Fin de semana de fiesta at Soriana tienda.

Familias. Madres: lipstick purses babies. Padres: cowboyhats

boots buckles collars. Niños: bathed, behaving.

Norteña musica. Couple dancing at deli. I try eye contact. Few

strangers who C relate.

Teen stocks fruit bins, tumbling plums, hustles out crates of

mangos papaya jicama…

Checkout. Mature child sacks staples expertly.

24

24

Beach Camp

Arroyo btw 2 stucco villas, 2 tents. Eve wind&rain warped

warmed trumped by tequila.

Ed&I lose throw-rocks-at-rocks-contest. Paying bet, playing up

no-debt dude 4 Lu, I slurp shot out Ed’s navel. My guess (girls

will 1up us) is off. Lu does let me lap her salty throat.

Leaving Ed&nymph necking, we collect surf’s sapphire krill

below periwinkle milk moon. In untaken tent Lu learns me

copious lenient lessons of rejection.

25

25

Birds&Rain

EYE: roadrunner peddling paddle pitaya labyrinth, puffs crest,

parachutes, spears purple gecko, swallows squawks scrams,

sand puff. Quail covey promenade, pyrrhuloxias preach flute

toots, pelican parade plies wave, scrub jays splash ochre scrub

skyblue.

Rain. Cacti bloom, plump plants, earth earthened. EYE cannot

smell scent treasure chest.

Girls kiss like lovers off screen to spurn me.

I may find this film.

26

26

Scrutiny on Mutiny

Local guide trades bait 4 single cig. “Now we fish big fish.”

EYE sweeps: motor-angling angler against desert sage-soot

dunes doomed to be Timeshare.

Guide spits splinter pick, coal eyes glint. Lure hit!

EYE: Ed reeling aqua bull dorado, guide batting hot dolphin

dead.

7 fish in boat 1hr in.

Cut motor to lure circling monster. Orca? Ed cracks knuckles

packs tackle.

All the better for film if he aims to overboard me, except EYE

isn’t sea-proof.

27

27

Hot Spring

In lieu of big tip, guide tipped us to utopian ranch. “Bring fish.”

Inland. Pebbled drive quartz inlaid. Pastoral wealth, shade fowl

goats…

Owner ambles up. White linens, silver stache, futból pelota pass

w/ niños.

Ed proffers 2 fat snapper. Owner grins, pts out path.

NY couple exits cordial palatine’s pool. Girls drop tops.

I close eyes 4 finer view: my film’s calcifying shell –

these true-blue people & their crude rad land.

28

28

Moon Boojum

I imagine colossus scythed moon post-cyclone, spared winsome

weeds.

Eye Cs limber timber wind-bowed, bowing to dust-crust sowed

w/ cellulose jewelry: pin cushion coins, ruby-buttoned barrels,

jade pewter paddles, alloy fringed aloes, titanium chaff;

Lu loping leaping 3Xsow-cowing, slaking desert’s thirst to be 1st-

rate stage, spinning supplicating

becoming becoming.

Last plot pt allotted.

Lady-landscape communion.

29

Breakfast Oasis

Boogey N. SoDak ETA 4 days. Bellies sated at fated café. Sister

owners, silk hair jet.

Ambrosial tamales. Plates dense as discuses. Table tiled desert

mosaic.

Faded starlet pays (4Xtip), asks sisters to act (stalwart 4 her to

seek script sup role).

EXT- Dust Lot

Cute colts quaff potent coffee, crank cigs, milk break,

scowl, curse. Diesel smog smears fallow scraped

landscape, pan to Pemex, chugging truck.

Forfeit infectious.

30

30

✓pt. 2

Sleepy station, snoring shepherd, sherbet sunset. Spdbump’s

spikes glitter. Glide over or puncture? Guards guard guards in

8v8 soccer match. Skins’ smiley striker jogs off scratch dirt pitch,

checks papers, flexes 4 girls, flicks ↓ switch, spdbump’s jagged

jaws sink.

“Cuidado eh.” Guard, I & EYE C soapy moon. “La noche.”

Sprints on. Beauty banana’d ball feeds breakaway. Charging

gloveless goalie slides on gravel, stones him.

31

31

Holy Cow

Dusk. Driving, hands 10&5. Herky jerky. Dark.

Hunch(ed) – huh-harm?(shoulders)

Ghost cow, traincarwide, pallid moonglow, beluga-white.

Wheel – roulette & helmsman’s rudder. Swerve L ln, as if thru

cow, swerve R ln, no squeak.

Girls sleep thru (cow&night).

“Better park,” Ed says.

Sit by bitty bandit campfire. Polish Polish vodka, talk about life,

us still living & the cow’s credibility.

“Ghost? Hallucination?”

32

32

1Man Bandido Band

Bean breakfast. Ed&I flippin thru clips. Odd bandy-legged man

lurches up HWY 1 grunting, hurting. Hunting? He’s no bonafide

bandido, no crook to weak sneak. He does have a 6” blade

glazed a chrome sun-blaze. Ghost eyes milked, washed.

Sloshed? Drugged?

Pauses by bumper. Poses. Sheathes knife in sweatpants’ band.

“Hock.” Hawks lu-gee. Boogies ample vaudeville jig.

“What gives?” I ask Ed. “An audition?”

33

33

Branded Bandido

Conveys aim to act. Pretends wineskin bandolier’s a purse,

poses like a lady, pleads, “Película – like Robert Rodriguez – ch-

ch-ch-ch.” I get it, quick cuts, chopped takes.

We run a sketch. Sham bandido plays wham-bam bandido.

Marauds Ed. They wallow in gutter wallow awhile, then, when

knife glints against tourist’s throat, Ed & I swallow sandy panic

marbles.

“And… Cut.”

34

34

Baneful Bandido

Sheathes knife, grins, shakes Ed’s hand. Appears, rather than to

grimly graft us, he meant to hone craft. He asks to watch

playback. Problem is, viewing footage as macabre departure

from my movie’s soul (this raw land’s tender people) I/Eye

faked filming.

When I refuse to hand over camera he brandishes knife. Tent

unzips. He turns.

We sense our spiteful judgments nearly justified as

out

step

the girls.

35

35

Bantam Bandido

I C in slow mo asif in cu tt ing room.

After he lunges 4 Lu I empower EYE bc his choice is intriguing; I

sense a short story.

Lu lurks free he detains dame.

Flailing she bites his arm; his false bawl is bawdy. “Ed!”

But Ed is already a ramming alpha ram so her p e a l

i n g plea warns her captor.

Rash slash / deals Ed a grave groin gash.

36

36

Bludgeoned Bandido

Wounded Ed reenters ring. Lu leaps on thug’s back. Even match.

1 more & we’d win.

I hesitate 4 same aim as 10 sec ago.

As long as I endure (ie: don’t get gouged by gauche gaucho) I

shall be a legit artist.

I set EYE on bumper, frame shot btw tents.

I strut up.

Ed’s 1st kick crumples him behind tent.

“Ok people,” I nag, “Can we keep him between the tents. Aha.

Drag him up. Yes! Tilt his head. Ok Ed. As you were…”

37

37

Fin

Anchorage

2010

38

38

About the Author:

Last summer, in a cabin on the Chickaloon mudflats near

Anchorage, Sean Ulman, worder birder server, shelved his long

novel about Seward and art to write the short story "Radland".

Resting on the cabin porch, listening to hermit thrushes’ dueling

flutes, chowing spam and ramen, reflecting on road trips

through Baja Mexico, he measured his spirit near a harmony he

thought only approachable by works of art.

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