Stepfamily Statistics
Approximately one-third of all weddings in the United States today create a stepfamily.
It’s predicted that stepfamilies will be the most common family form in the U.S. by the year 2020. An estimated 9,100 new American stepfamilies are created each week.
Thirty-three percent of all Americans are in a stepfamily relationship, including an estimated 10 million stepchildren under the age of 18.
The divorce rate for remarried and stepfamily couples varies but is at least 60 percent. At least two-thirds of stepfamily couples divorce, and divorce occurs more quickly in stepfamilies than first marriages.
About 46 percent of U.S. marriages today are a remarriage for one or both partners, and about 65 percent of remarriages involve children from the prior marriage, thus forming a stepfamily.
Source: Stepping In, Stepping Out: Creating Stepfamily Rhythm via Counseling Today article August 30, 2016
Birth Order Position
The place in the family based on the situation in which the child is born.
This place depends on factors such as number of years between children, disability, and death & miscarriage of siblings.
Generally discussed in traditional families.
Where an individual falls within their family has some influence on how they form their personality.
Ansbacher, 1964
Oldest Child
Some time is spent as an Only Child
Dethroned at some point – the time spent as an only before dethroned is an important factor in personality
Authoritative, Leader
Rules and Laws
Admire the past & negative outlook toward future
Greatest population of problem children
Ansbacher, 1964
Second Child
Has a pacemaker
Often more talented and successful
When dethroned, it is not so bad as they have already had to share with another
Is a revolutionary / competitive
Constant striving to overcome others
May be more than one second child
Ansbacher, 1964
Youngest Child
Never dethroned
Has pacemaker(s)
Usually passes older siblings
Tries to excel in everything
Usually spoiled
May feel the most inferior
Second largest population of problem children
Ansbacher, 1964
Only Child
Rival is father
Pampered or spoiled
Center of attention
Supported by others yet rules over them
Has difficulty sharing when an adult
Ansbacher, 1964
Other Sibling Situations
Gender differences
Cultural implications
Physical differences: attractiveness, deformity, organ
inferiority, etc.
Ansbacher, 1964
Family Constellation
Each person has their own place in the family
Each person is influenced by the actions of others in
the family
positive or negative
Private logic
Parents play an important role
Dreikurs, 1992
Changes in Family
Death
Divorce
Abandonment/no contact from biological parent
Moving far away from family
Changing schools/friends
Financial impact
Yours, Mine, Ours
Both spouses have children and all children live with them
Both spouses have children and only one set lives with them, while the others visit (weekends, holidays, vacations)
One spouse has children who live with them
One spouse has children who visit (weekends, holidays, vacations)
One spouse has children, then spouses have child(ren) together
Who all is involved?
Parents & stepparents
Siblings & stepsiblings
Half siblings
Grandparents & step-grandparents
All of the above on two sides of family (mom’s/dad’s)
Shuffling the deck
Oldest become dethroned….. again!
Babies move up in chronological order…. not fair!
Onlys have to ……. share?!?
And this is at dad’s house, what about mom’s house?
Constantly shuffling - instability
The age gap matters
If there is a bigger gap in age between sibling sets, the
less of an impact it will have on personalities
Some exceptions: chauffeuring, babysitting, older sibling
influences
The closer in age, or blending of ages, the bigger the
impact on family dynamics
“Blending” the Family
Be honest (within age, and within reason)
Discuss changes (together) before they occur
Do not expect everyone to be “happy” with the changes
There will be bumps in the road, expect them, have a plan for them
Regular family meetings
Validate feelings & emotions
Feelings
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References
Ansbacher, H. L. & Ansbacher, R. R. (1964). The Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler: A systematic presentation in selections from his writings. New York, NY. Harper Perennial.
Carlson, J. D., & Robey, P. A. (2011). An Integrative Adlerian Approach to Family Counseling. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 67(3), 232-244.
Dreikurs, R. & Soltz, V. (1992). Children: the challenge: the classical work on improving parent-child relations – intelligent, humane, and eminently practical. New York, NY. Plume.
Eckstein, D. (2000). Empirical Studies Indicating Significant Birth-Order-Related Personality Differences. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 56(4), 481.
Eckstein, D., Aycock, K. J., Sperber, M. A., McDonald, J., Van Wiesner III, V., Watts, R. E., & Ginsburg, P. (2010). A Review of 200 Birth-Order Studies: Lifestyle Characteristics. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 66(4), 408-434.
Eckstein, D., & Kaufman, J. A. (2012). The Role of Birth Order in Personality: An Enduring Intellectual Legacy of Alfred Adler. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 68(1), 60-74.
References cont’d
http://ct.counseling.org/2016/08/behind-book-stepping-stepping-creating-stepfamily-rhythm/
Kluger, J. (2011). The sibling effect: what the bonds among brothers and sisters reveal about us. New York, NY. Riverhead Books.
Nelsen, J., Erwin, C., & Glenn, H. S. (2000). Positive Discipline for Your Stepfamily: Nurturing Harmony, Respect, and Joy in Your New Family. Roseville, CA Prima Publishing.
Popkin, M. & Einstein, E. (2007). Active Parenting for Stepfamilies: For parents & stepparents. Atlanta, GA. Active Parenting Publishers.
Stewart, A. E., & Eckstein, D. (2012). Birth Order Within Individual Psychology. Journal Of Individual Psychology, 68(1), 1-3.