Pp3

BUILDING FRIENDSHIPS

A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the Social

Competence ofMiddle Childhood: Ages 6-10

WHAT IS SOCIAL COMPETENCY?

ability to initiate relationships with peers

being able to maintain relationships with peers

engaging in satisfying activities and interactions with others

Katz, L. G., & McClellan, D. E., 1997

MIDDLE CHILDHOOD: AGES 6-10SOCIAL OBSERVATIONS

Typically assemble in larger groups Concerns about being accepted by

others Increase in gossip, cliques Social exclusiveness, friends being

reluctant to let others join in Long lasting or “best friends” formed More same-gender friendships

WHY CHILDREN NEED TO DEVELOP FRIENDSHIPS

ACCORDING TO RESEARCH:

Peer relationships contribute to both social and cognitive development. The best childhood predictor of adult success and adaptations is not grades, classroom behavior, but how a child gets along with other children.

Hartup, 1992

The way children act or are treated by their peers have a significant impact on the relationships they develop.

Children who are able to develop a close friendship (even if they have been rejected) increase their feelings towards school.

Friendships are all about quality not quantity.

(Ladd, 2000)

WHAT DOES YOUR CHILD LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND?

CLICK ON VIDEO BELOW

FRIENDSHIP VS.

POPULARITY

Friendship Popularity

a relationship requiring mutual bonding and acceptance between specific children

a child can have friendships and not be popular

how children are perceived by their peers through acceptance or rejection

a child can be popular, yet not have any actual friendships

CHECKLIST OF POSITIVE SOCIAL SKILLS

(MCCLELLAN, D. & KATZ L., 2001)

Individual Attributes Social Skills Attributes

Is usually in a positive mood.

Is not excessively dependent on adults.

Shows empathy towards others.

Has positive relationships with one or two peers.

Does not seem to be lonely.

Displays the capacity for humor.

Usually copes with rebuffs adequately.

Approaches others positively.

Asserts own rights and needs appropriately.

Is not easily intimidated by bullies.

Gains access to ongoing groups at play and work.

Takes turns fairly. Does not draw

inappropriate attention to self.

Accepts and enjoys peers different from themselves.

KEEP IN MIND…• Children vary in social behavior.• Children have distinct personalities that they are born with.• Cultural differences may affect social situations.• If a child is doing poorly in many areas of a social checklist,

strategies can be implemented to help them.• Peer groups of middle childhood are typically segregated

by sex.

PEER NETWORKS OR “CLIQUES”

BLUME, L. B., & ZEMBAR, M. J. (2007)

Boys Girls

typically larger groups (more extensive)

higher priority on status concerns

more likely to express anger towards well-liked peers (competition)

typically smaller groups (more intensive)

place emphasis on interpersonal connections

more likely to judge a friend’s misdeeds if it will affect their friendship

A TEACHER’S SELF-EVALUATION FOR INTERACTING WITH CHILDREN

CHECKLISTLAWHON, T. & LAWHON, C., 2000

1. Do I reflect a positive attitude toward others that can be modeled by children in their relationships?

2. Am I providing opportunities for a child to play with other children from a wide age range?

3. Do I talk with a child about peer relationships, and do I provide opportunities for the child to be heard?

4. When a child is excluded by peers, do I explain that setbacks are temporary and encourage the youngster to try again?

5. Do I encourage a child to be optimistic about being a play partner with others?

6. So I avoid interfering with the play of children and allow them to work out problems themselves?

7. Do I provide helpful information to a child about social relationships how they work?

8. Do I assess a child’s abilities in various situations that are encountered?

A TEACHER’S SELF-EVALUATION FOR INTERACTING WITH CHILDREN

CHECKLISTLAWHON, T. & LAWHON, C., 2000

9. Do I provide time for each child to practice and develop social skills with others?

10. Am I sensitive to the youngster’s attachments and interactions?

11. Do I encourage parents to listen to and converse with their child about socialization, peer relationships, personal feelings, and experiences?

12. Do I provide support, give explanations, and use other positive communication techniques with the child?

13. Do I enhance social learning through coaching, modeling, and reinforcing positive social skills, like cooperative play in a friendly, approving manner?

14. Do I recognize that some children’s social status can be enhanced by improving their academic successes, and do I guide them towards those achievements?

15. Do I provide parents with information about young children’s peer relationships, qualities associated with successful interactions, and types of problems encountered so they can help their child adjust?

A TEACHER’S SELF-EVALUATION FOR INTERACTING WITH CHILDREN CHECKLIST

LAWHON, T. & LAWHON, C., 2000

16. Do I use a variety of teaching techniques to present acceptable social information to a child, like dramatic play and literature and stories?

17. Am I gently, fair, consistent, and reasonable?

18. Do I spend time with each child?

19. Do I encourage mutual respect?

20. Do I make a concerted effort to help a child change patterns of extreme aggression?

21. Do I use calm words, express joys, and respond to the child’s cues?

22. Do I provide an environment where a child feels comfortable and safe in developing friendships?

23. Do I reflect positive emotional health?

24. Do I redirect behaviors and attitudes that may hinder a child’s pro-social interactions?

25. Do my attitude and my behavior towards each child reflect acceptance, support, and encouragement?

**A “no” response indicates an area for growth.**

GUIDING YOUR CHILD TO BUILDING FRIENDSHIPS

Parent’s Role

enroll children in activities

role play teach them techniques

from video of ways to meet peers

build child’s self-esteem don’t be pushy focus on individual needs

of child spend time talking to

your child

LONELINESS IN YOUNG CHILDREN

BULLOCK, J., 1998

Loneliness often can lead to poor peer relationships.

Factors than can lead to loneliness outside of school include: conflict at home, moving, divorce, death of someone special.

Factors at school include: peer rejection, lacking social skills, low self-esteem, being teased.

Intervention Steps

1. identify problem2. help child through

communication, social skills, and expressing feelings

3. partner child up 4. boost child’s self-

confidence

HELPING KID’S COPE WITH LOSING A

FRIENDSHIP

“PROPER ADULT GUIDANCE INCREASES CHILDREN’S LIKELIHOOD OF HAVING

PLAYMATES, FRIENDS, AND OTHER POSITIVE

RELATIONSHIPS.” LAWHON, T. & LAWHON, D.

REFERENCESBlume, L. B., & Zembar, M. J. (2007). Middle childhood to middle adolescence: Development from ages 8 to 18.

Upper Saddle River, N.J: Pearson Merrill/Prentice Hall.

Bullock, J. R., & ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education. (1998).

Loneliness in young children. Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early

Childhood Education, University of Illinois.

Hartup, W. W., & ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education, Urbana, IL.

(1992). Having Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends: Relationships as Educational

Contexts. ERIC Digest.

Having Good Friends. Sunburst Visual Media. 2000 Retrieved January 29, 2011, from Learn360: http://www.learn360.com/ShowVideo.aspx?ID=146264

Friendship Issues. Sunburst Visual Media. 2000 Retrieved January 30, 2011, from Learn360: http://www.learn360.com/ShowVideo.aspx?ID=147880

Katz, L. G., & McClellan, D. E. (1997). Fostering children's social competence: The teacher's role.

Washington, D.C: National Association for the Education of Young Children.

Lawhon, T., & Lawhon, D. C. (January 01, 2000). Promoting Social Skills in Young Children. Early

Childhood Education Journal, 28, 2, 105-110.

McClellan, D. E., Katz, L. G., & ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education.

(2001). Assessing young children's social competence. Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on

Elementary and Early Childhood Education, University of Illinois.