Power Point Reference Power Point Reference This slide show This slide show was created by was created by Donald Kachur Donald Kachur Professor Professor Emeritus of Emeritus of Education, Education, Illinois State Illinois State University University 309/824-4561 309/824-4561 [email protected][email protected]
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Power Point ReferencePower Point Reference
This slide show was This slide show was created by created by
Donald Kachur Donald Kachur Professor Emeritus Professor Emeritus
of Education, of Education, Illinois State Illinois State UniversityUniversity
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
you want to slug the next you want to slug the next person who says to you, person who says to you,
““Must be nice to work 8 a.m. Must be nice to work 8 a.m. to 3:20 p.m. and have to 3:20 p.m. and have
summers off!summers off!””
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Half the people you know Half the people you know
are below average. are below average.
Look around you!Look around you!
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
WRINKLESWRINKLES
Something other people Something other people have. You have character have. You have character
lines.lines.
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
Accept that some days Accept that some days youyou’’re the pigeon, and some re the pigeon, and some
days youdays you’’re the statue.re the statue.
Puns and FunPuns and Fun
A manA man’’s home is his castle, s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.in a manor of speaking.
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
when out in public you feel when out in public you feel the urge to snap your the urge to snap your
fingers at children you do fingers at children you do not know and correct their not know and correct their
behavior.behavior.
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
What was the best thing What was the best thing before sliced bread?before sliced bread?
A play on words?A play on words?
A man rushed into a busy A man rushed into a busy doctordoctor’’s office and shouted, s office and shouted,
““Doctor! I think IDoctor! I think I’’m shrinking!m shrinking!”” The doctor calmly responded, The doctor calmly responded, ““Now, settle down. YouNow, settle down. You’’ll just ll just
have to be a little patient!have to be a little patient!””
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
When everythingWhen everything’’s coming s coming your way, you may be in the your way, you may be in the
wrong lane.wrong lane.
Puns and FunPuns and Fun
Does the name Pavlov Does the name Pavlov
ring a bell?ring a bell?
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Why is it that doctors Why is it that doctors
call what they do call what they do
““practicepractice””??
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
you believe that you believe that unspeakable evils will befall unspeakable evils will befall
you if anyone says, you if anyone says, ““Boy, Boy, the kids sure are mellow the kids sure are mellow
today!today!””
A funny storyA funny story
I went to buy some I went to buy some camouflage trousers the camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldnother day but I couldn’’t find t find any!any!
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Why canWhy can’’t they make t they make
the whole plane out of the whole plane out of
what they make the what they make the
black box?black box?
Puns and FunPuns and Fun
When two egotists meet, When two egotists meet,
itit’’s an I for an I.s an I for an I.
HereHere’’s a thought! s a thought!
We could learn a lot from We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, crayons. Some are sharp,
some are pretty and some are some are pretty and some are dull…some have weird names dull…some have weird names and all are different colors, but and all are different colors, but
they all have to live in the they all have to live in the same box.same box.
A funny story!A funny story!
With all the sadness and trauma going on With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth in the world at the moment, it is worth
reflecting on the death of a very important reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed person, which almost went unnoticed recently. Larry LaPrise, the man who recently. Larry LaPrise, the man who
wrote wrote ““The Hokey Pokey,The Hokey Pokey,”” died peacefully died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his at age 93. The most traumatic part for his
family was getting him into the coffin. They family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble put his left leg in. And then the trouble
started.started.
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
you canyou can’’t have children t have children because therebecause there’’s no name s no name you could give a child that you could give a child that
wouldnwouldn’’t bring on high blood t bring on high blood pressure the moment you pressure the moment you
heard it uttered.heard it uttered.
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Why is a person Why is a person
who invests money who invests money
called a called a ““brokerbroker””??
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
A truly happy, optimistic A truly happy, optimistic person is one who can person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a enjoy the scenery on a
detour.detour.
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
What hair color do they put What hair color do they put on the driveron the driver’’s licenses of s licenses of
bald men?bald men?
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
SECRETSECRET
Something you tell to one Something you tell to one person at a time.person at a time.
A funny storyA funny story
The teacher asked little Johnny if he The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. knows his numbers. ““Yes,Yes,”” he said. he said. ““I do. I do.
My father taught me.My father taught me.”” ““Good! What comes after three?Good! What comes after three?”” ““Four,Four,”” answers the boy. answers the boy. ““What comes after six?What comes after six?”” ““Seven.Seven.”” ““Very good,Very good,”” says the teacher. says the teacher. ““Your dad did a good job. What comes Your dad did a good job. What comes
after ten?after ten?””““A Jack!A Jack!”” replies the little boy. replies the little boy.
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
You may be only one person You may be only one person in the world, but you may in the world, but you may also be the world to one also be the world to one
person.person.
Puns and FunPuns and Fun
A boiled egg in the morning A boiled egg in the morning
is hard to beat!is hard to beat!
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
meeting a childmeeting a child’’s parent s parent instantly answers the instantly answers the
question, question, ““Why is this kid Why is this kid like this?like this?””
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Why do croutons come in Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Arenairtight packages? Aren’’t t they just stale bread to they just stale bread to
begin with?begin with?
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Why do drive-up ATMs Why do drive-up ATMs
have Braille have Braille
on the keypad?on the keypad?
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
you know you are in for a you know you are in for a major project when a parent major project when a parent says, says, ““I have a great idea II have a great idea I’’d d
like to discuss with you. I like to discuss with you. I think it would be such fun!think it would be such fun!””
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Why is a person who plays Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a but a person who drives a
racecar is not called a racecar is not called a racist?racist?
Something to ponder!Something to ponder!
Did you know that the words Did you know that the words ““race carrace car”” spelled backwards spelled backwards
still spells still spells ““race carrace car””??
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
Why canWhy can’’t a man living in t a man living in the U.S. be buried in the U.S. be buried in
Canada?Canada?
We normally donWe normally don’’t bury people who t bury people who are still alive.are still alive.
Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?
Why donWhy don’’t you see the t you see the headline—Psychic Wins headline—Psychic Wins
Lottery?Lottery?
Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?
Why do we leave cars worth Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in a thousands of dollars in a
driveway and put our driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?useless junk in the garage?
Puns and FunPuns and Fun
Acupuncture is a jab Acupuncture is a jab
well done!well done!
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
you think caffeine you think caffeine
should be available in should be available in intravenous form.intravenous form.
Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?
How come we choose from How come we choose from just 2 people for president just 2 people for president
and from 50 for Miss and from 50 for Miss America?America?
Words to think about!Words to think about!
Did you know that Did you know that ““eateat”” is is the only word, that if you the only word, that if you
take the first letter and move take the first letter and move it to the last, spells its past it to the last, spells its past
tense, tense, ““ateate””??
Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?
A bus station is where a bus A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is stops, a train station is
where a train stops, and on where a train stops, and on my desk I have a work my desk I have a work
station, so…station, so…
Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?
Why do they use Why do they use
sterilized needles sterilized needles
for lethal injections?for lethal injections?
Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?
Why is transporting Why is transporting something by car, it is called something by car, it is called
a shipment; but when you a shipment; but when you transport something by ship, transport something by ship,
it is called cargo?it is called cargo?
Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?
Why do we drive on Why do we drive on parkways and park on parkways and park on
driveways?driveways?
Ever wonder why?Ever wonder why?
Is a turtle with no shell Is a turtle with no shell homeless or naked?homeless or naked?
DonDon’’t you just wonder?t you just wonder?
While attending a Marriage Seminar While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor. wife Grace listened to the instructor. ““It is It is essential that husbands and wives know essential that husbands and wives know
each othereach other’’s likes and dislikes.s likes and dislikes.”” He He addressed the man and asked, addressed the man and asked, ““Can you Can you name your wifename your wife’’s favorite flower?s favorite flower?”” Tom Tom
leaned over, touched his wifeleaned over, touched his wife’’s are gently s are gently and whispered, and whispered, ““ItIt’’s Pillsbury, isns Pillsbury, isn’’t it?t it?””
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
He who laughs last thinks He who laughs last thinks the slowest.the slowest.
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Do Lipton Tea employees Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?take coffee breaks?
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it merge, would they call it
Fed UP?Fed UP?
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Why do they put pictures of criminals Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why donthem? Why don’’t they put their t they put their
pictures on the postage stamps so pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while the mailmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?they deliver the mail?
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
BEAUTY PARLORBEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up A place where women curl up and dye.and dye.
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
EGOTISTEGOTIST
Someone who is usually Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.me-deep in conversation.
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
YAWNYAWN
An honest opinion openly An honest opinion openly expressed.expressed.
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
CHICKENSCHICKENS
The only animal you eat The only animal you eat before they are born and before they are born and
after they are dead.after they are dead.
A funny storyA funny story
Two antennas meet on a Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony married. The ceremony
wasnwasn’’t much, but the t much, but the reception was excellent!reception was excellent!
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
MaryMary’’s father has five daughters: s father has five daughters:
What is the name of the fifth daughter?What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: Nunu? Of course not. Her Answer: Nunu? Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question name is Mary. Read the question
again!again!
Puns and FunPuns and Fun
A hangover is the A hangover is the
wrath of grapes!wrath of grapes!
DonDon’’t you just wonder?t you just wonder?
A husband read an article to his wife about A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…how many words women use a day…30,000 to a man30,000 to a man’’s 15,000. The wife s 15,000. The wife
replied, replied, ““The reason has to be because we The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.have to repeat everything to men.”” The The
husband then turned to his wife and said, husband then turned to his wife and said, ““What?What?””
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
HANDKERCHIEFHANDKERCHIEF
Cold StorageCold Storage
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
How much deeper the How much deeper the ocean would be without ocean would be without
sponges.sponges.
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
What has four legs, a head, What has four legs, a head, and leaves?and leaves?
A dining room tableA dining room table
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
COMMITTEECOMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.and wastes hours.
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
Bills travel through the mail Bills travel through the mail twice the speed of checks.twice the speed of checks.
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
Is there another word for Is there another word for ““synonym?synonym?””
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
If the #2 pencil is the most If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?popular, why is it still #2?
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
““Why don't they pass a constitutional Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on would be the smartest race of people on Earth." Earth."
Will Rogers Will Rogers
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
If all of the world is a stage, If all of the world is a stage, where is the audience where is the audience
sitting?sitting?
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
TOMORROWTOMORROW
One of the greatest labor One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.saving devices of today.
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
Before they invented Before they invented
drawing boards, drawing boards,
what did they go back to?what did they go back to?
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
Maybe itMaybe it’’s true that life s true that life begins at fifty, but begins at fifty, but
everything else starts to everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread wear out, fall out, or spread
out.out.
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
Is it true that cannibals donIs it true that cannibals don’’t t eat clowns because they eat clowns because they
taste funny?taste funny?
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
Do pediatricians play Do pediatricians play miniature golf on miniature golf on Wednesdays?Wednesdays?
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
Ever wonder if illiterate Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of people get the full effect of
alphabet soup?alphabet soup?
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
How many three-cent stamps How many three-cent stamps are in a dozen?are in a dozen?
Twelve. A dozen of anything is twelve.Twelve. A dozen of anything is twelve.
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
Women like silent men. Women like silent men.
They think theyThey think they’’re listening!re listening!
What words REALLY mean!What words REALLY mean!
DUSTDUST
Mud with the juice Mud with the juice
squeezed out.squeezed out.
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
Age is a very high price to Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.pay for maturity.
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
One nice thing about One nice thing about egotists: they donegotists: they don’’t talk t talk
about other people.about other people.
Have you ever thought?Have you ever thought?
If a pig loses its voice, If a pig loses its voice,
is it disgruntled?is it disgruntled?
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
You know youYou know you’’re into middle re into middle age when you realize that age when you realize that
caution is the only thing you caution is the only thing you care to exercise.care to exercise.
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
How do they get the deer to How do they get the deer to cross at those yellow road cross at those yellow road
signs?signs?
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
The mediocre teacher tells. The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher The superior teacher demonstrates. The great demonstrates. The great
teacher inspires.teacher inspires.
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
Borrow money from Borrow money from pessimists—they donpessimists—they don’’t t expect to get it back.expect to get it back.
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
What do you get when you What do you get when you cross an automobile with a cross an automobile with a
household animal? household animal?
A carpetA carpet
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
Where do fish keep their Where do fish keep their money?money?
Of course, in a riverbank.Of course, in a riverbank.
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
If the police arrest a mime, do If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right they tell him he has the right
to remain silent?to remain silent?
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
you believe "extremely you believe "extremely annoying" should have its annoying" should have its
own box on the report card.own box on the report card.
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
What is it that you will break What is it that you will break every time you name it? every time you name it?
SilenceSilence
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
If a parsley farmer is sued, If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish can they garnish
his wages?his wages?
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
Is there a Fourth of July in Is there a Fourth of July in England?England?
Yes, it is just not a holiday.Yes, it is just not a holiday.
A Funny StoryA Funny Story
I went to a bookstore and I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, asked the saleswoman, ““WhereWhere’’s the self-help s the self-help
section?section?”” She said if she She said if she told me, it would defeat the told me, it would defeat the
purpose.purpose.
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
We spend the first twelve We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and telling them to sit down and shut up.shut up.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
Can vegetarians eat Can vegetarians eat
animal crackers?animal crackers?
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
I intend to live forever—so I intend to live forever—so far, so good!far, so good!
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
you encourage your spouse you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a by telling them they are a
"good helper.""good helper."
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
A conclusion is the place A conclusion is the place where you got tired of where you got tired of
thinking.thinking.
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
A farmer has 17 sheep. A farmer has 17 sheep.
All but nine die. All but nine die.
How many are left?How many are left?
Nine. All but nine died.Nine. All but nine died.
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
There are only two places in There are only two places in the world where time takes the world where time takes precedence over the job to precedence over the job to
be done: school and prison.be done: school and prison.
HereHere’’s a thought?s a thought?
YouYou’’re getting old when you re getting old when you dondon’’t care where your t care where your
spouse goes, just as long as spouse goes, just as long as you donyou don’’t have to go along.t have to go along.
Brain TeaserBrain Teaser
If there are three apples and If there are three apples and you take away two, how you take away two, how
many apples do you have?many apples do you have?
Well, you took away two apples, so you Well, you took away two apples, so you should have two.should have two.
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
If Barbie is so popular, why If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her do you have to buy her
friends?friends?
Something to PonderSomething to Ponder
Sex education may be a Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."should be given homework."
Bill CosbyBill Cosby
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
When I give a lecture, I accept When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their that people look at their watches, but what I do not watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.out if it stopped.
Marcel AchardMarcel Achard
A funny story!A funny story!
The doctor says to the The doctor says to the patient, patient, ““I have good news I have good news and bad news! The good and bad news! The good news is that you are not a news is that you are not a
hypochondriac.hypochondriac.””
HereHere’’s a thought!s a thought!
Experience is something you Experience is something you dondon’’t get until just after you t get until just after you
need it!need it!
You might be employed by a school You might be employed by a school if…if…
marking all Amarking all A’’s on report s on report cards would make your life cards would make your life