Positive parenting

POSITIVEPARENTING

This session is about

• Improving parenting skills, not creating perfect parents

• Putting parents in charge of situations when their child displays defiant or destructive behaviour

• Creating an environment where there are reduced stress levels and greater calm for parents and children when dealing their misbehaviour

Parents are Role-Models• remember at all times that you are setting an example

for your child

• parents constantly “model” behaviour which their children observe

• your child learns to behave by imitating your behaviour

EXAMPLE EXAMPLE EXAMPLE

• pinpoint things that you wouldn’t want your child’s role-model to do and then make sure that you aren’t doing them!

• show respect for all others including your child

• how parents act in their relationships with one another has a significant impact on their children’s development

Don’t unintentionally demonstrate behaviour that you wouldn’t like to see in your child

Build a positive relationship

Learn to separate the child from the behaviour.

Reduce the number of times you get overly angry with your child – try to remain calm and assertive.

Make sure your child knows that being angry does not mean “I don’t love you.”

Reactive Responses

• do not clearly state rules/expectations• beg/plead/threaten/ignore/give up• powerless/hostile tone of voice• let children decide • respond emotionally: blame/condemn• use ineffective statements• inconsistent, fail to follow through• verbal/physical abuse

Proactive Responses

• clearly, firmly state expectations• consistently deal with instances of inappropriate

behaviour• try not to get emotionally involved• don’t give up • try another strategy if the one you are using doesn’t work• use praise and positive support• calmly follow through

LANGUAGE of CHOICE

Support children in learning to make appropriate choices is aimed at developing confident, independent children who feel in control of themselves.

•Talk to students about the choices they are making

•Define good/poor choices to help students identify

•Teach them decision-making skills

LANGUAGE of CHOICE

• It’s great to see that you are making the choice to …………….”

• “You need to make a better choice”

• “You have 2 choices. Either you ……. Or………”

• “You chose to …..so the consequence now is …….”

Assertive Statement

• Stand/sit/move close to your child

• Use a firm, calm tone of voice

• Give a clear, short message “Horatio, you need to …………….”

Broken Record • If he continues to argue/refuse, repeat the statement

“Horatio, you need to……”

• If he still continues to argue/refuse, repeat the statement and name the consequence

“Horatio, you need to………OR……........”

Positive Management Plan

There are 3 elements of the plan:1. Rules that are the basis of the plan

2. Rewards that are given for following the rules

3. Consequences that need to be enforced when rules are broken

Basic Family Rules

• Choose rules that will help minimise normal, everyday problems

• Make rules specific

• Explain the rules to everyone in the family

• Consistently enforce them through appropriate rewards or consequences

Pick Your Battles!

Allow your children to make their own decisions about the smaller issues

BUTFocus on changing those behaviours that cause conflict in

your home.

POSITIVES

The most powerful form of positive encouragement is PRAISE.

• Praise: tell your child specifically what he is doing or has done that you like.

• Super Praise: first one parent praises the child, then repeats the praise in front of the other parent who then also praises the child.

POSITIVES

• Non-Verbal Praise: nod, wink, thumbs-up, high five etc.

• Special Privileges/ Rewards

Follow-through is as important with rewards as it is with consequences!

CONSEQUENCES

Be ready to back your words with actions!

Consequences need to be:• logically related to the misbehaviour• something the child doesn’t like• given as soon as possible• delivered in a calm manner• consistently applied• changed if proving ineffective• applied and then….forgive and forget

REMEMBER!

Try to remain CALM

Commit to being CONSISTENT