Plays recto - Plays Magazine

UPPER AND MIDDLE GRADES

Wearing the Pants . . . . . . . . . . . .Christina Hamlett 2Crossing the Rubicon . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carol D. Wise 9

DRAMATIZED CLASSIC

(FOR UPPER AND MIDDLE GRADES)Around the World in Eighty Days. . . . . .Jules Verne 19

Adapted for roundtable reading by Lewy Olfson

MIDDLE AND LOWER GRADES

The Blind Men and the Elephant . .Kathleen Palmer 30The Case of the Glass Slipper . . . . . . . . .Kate Wagner 35Polly Pureheart Prevails. . . . . . . . . .Marilee Jackson 43

PlaysJANUARY/FEBRUARY 2020

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Terms of Use • Vol. 79, No. 4

PlaysJanuary/February 2020

The drama magazine for young people

In this issue. . .Upper and Middle Grades

Wearing the Pants, by Christina Hamlett10 actors: 7 female, 3 male; 25 minutes. In early 1900s Puerto Rico,Luisa Capetillo stands up for women: for the right to wear pants, toreceive an equal and liveable wage, and to vote. (Loosely based on thelife of a true hero in the fight for women’s equality)

Crossing the Rubicon, by Carol D. Wise10 actors: 4 female, 4 male, and 2 male/female; 25 minutes. Pepperedwith Latin phrases, this play takes a humorous look at how GeneralJulius Caesar might have made his legendary decision to cross theRubicon River and march on the powers of ancient Rome.

Around the World in Eighty Days, by Jules Verne, adapted forroundtable reading by Lewy Olfson19 actors: 5 male, 1 female, and 13 male/female; 30 minutes. The clas-sic story of a wager between British gentlemen that turns into a racearound the world, with true love found along the way. Perfect for alarge cast.

Middle and Lower GradesThe Blind Men and the Elephant, adapted by Kathleen Palmer7 male and female actors; 15 minutes. This Indian folktale says a lotabout the character of disagreements and the nature of many argu-ments in life, as each man feels and describes a different part of an ele-phant.

The Case of the Glass Slipper, by Kate Wagner8 actors: 5 female, 2 male, and 1 male or female; 15 minutes.A fun spoof of “Cinderella” as detectives look for the girl with the glassslipper, and Ella and the Prince look for new jobs.

Polly Pureheart Prevails, by Marilee Jackson9 actors: 4 male, 4 female, and 1 male or female; 20 minutes. Fun melo-drama with twisting moustache, true love, and greedy landlord. Boo,hiss, curses, foiled again!

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2020 1

Upper & Middle Grades

2 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com

Wearing the PantsIn 1900s Puerto Rico, young Luisa Capetillo stands up

for a woman’s right to wear pants; to receive a

liveable wage; and to vote. . . .

by Christina Hamlett

LUISA CAPETILLO, a Puerto Rican

activist, in her 20s

SIX WOMEN, cigar factory workers(Note: The six factory women alsoplay the six women in jail)

SENOR ZARAGOZA, owner of the

cigar factory

CAPTAIN ACOSTA, a police officer

JUDGE MOLINA, a court judge

TIME: Early 1900s in Arecibo, PuertoRico.

SETTING: Two-thirds of the minimalistset is used for the cigar factory and theArecibo jail. A raised platform accessedby a short flight of steps has a door thatis currently open. High windows let infresh air but do not offer any view. Twowooden tables with benches containboxes of tobacco leaves, wooden trays,

Charactersand small stacks of finished, rolledcigars. The stage right third of the set isin darkness until illuminated for a briefscene. It contains a lectern with gaveland a small downstage wooden bench.

AT RISE: SIXWOMEN are at work mak-ing cigars. They are barefoot andattired in matching dull brown cottondresses. They are listening in raptattention to LUISA, who sits in a chairon the raised platform, reading to themfrom a small, leather-bound book. Shewears a khaki shirt, men’s trousers andboots.

LUISA (Reading): When Fantine sawthat she was making her living, she feltjoyful for a moment. To live honestly byher own labor, what mercy from heav-en! The taste for work had reallyreturned to her. She bought a looking-glass, took pleasure in surveying in ither youth, her beautiful hair, her fineteeth; she forgot many things; shethought only of Cosette and of the pos-sible future, and was almost happy.She hired a little room and furnishedon credit on the strength of her future

Wearing the Pants is protected by U.S.copyright law. It is unlawful to use thisplay in any way unless you are a current

subscriber to PLAYS Magazine(www.playsmagazine.com).

work—a lingering trace of her improvi-dent ways. As she was not able to saythat she was married she took goodcare, as we have seen, not to mentionher little girl.At first, she paid the Thenardierspromptly. As she only knew how to signher name, she was obliged to writethrough a public letter-writer. Shewrote often, and this was noticed. Itbegan to be said in an undertone, in thewomen’s workroom, that Fantine“wrote letters” and that “she had waysabout her.” There is no one for spyingon people’s actions like those who arenot concerned in them. (She closes thebook and looks out at her listeners.) Andthat, my friends, is where we shallleave dear Fantine until tomorrow.

WOMAN #1 (Eagerly): The father of herlittle Cosette? Will he return for them,do you think?

WOMAN #2: He’s very rich, is he not?Fantine would never have to workagain.

LUISA (Shaking her head): The likes ofrich young men never consider thefutures of poor young girls. I can speakfrom some experience on this.

WOMAN #3: But the Thenardiers—arethey good people?

LUISA: Only in their own minds. Toeveryone else, they are the worst ofopportunists.

WOMAN #4: Opportunist? What is thisword?

LUISA: Someone who preys on the confi-dence and ignorance of others in orderto feather their own nest. (Chuckles)Certainly we all know someone who fitsthat description? (WOMEN giggle atthis.) Tell me, how many of you havefamilies to support? (All of the hands go

up.) And how many of you earn a wageyou feel is fair? (No hands go up.) Haveany of you been to the home of thisfactory’s owner, Señor Zaragoza?(WOMEN all shake their heads.) I willtell you this. It is a mansion, the likes ofwhich you have never seen. It has manyrooms and fabulous gardens. It takes astaff of several dozen to keep everythingclean and gleaming and well polishedfor the guests he invites to his parties.(After a beat) Do you think any of us willever be invited to those parties?(WOMEN look at each other and shaketheir heads.) What if he were not able toafford those grand parties?

WOMAN #5: But Señor Zaragoza isvery rich.

LUISA: And why is he so rich?

WOMAN #6 (Meekly): Because of thesale of these cigars?

LUISA: Exactly! The cigars you toil tomake from five in the morning untilnine at night and earn barely enough tofeed your own families.

WOMAN #1: But we are helpless tochange things.

LUISA (Laughing): Helpless? Not ashelpless as you think. Without a laborforce to produce the very goods whichkeep Señor Zaragoza so very rich, hewould be forced to change his way ofdoing things. Listen to yourselves, myfriends. This is a new century. A centu-ry of new inventions, new ideas, newways of looking at things. If ever therewas an era of making a difference, thiscentury is it!

WOMAN #2 (Anxiously): But we cannotquit our jobs. It is all we have. (AsLUISA passionately continues,ZARAGOZA and ACOSTA appear inthe doorway.)


LUISA: It is all you have for now. I amalso not suggesting you quit. But if youwere to go on strike—even for a week—Señor Zaragoza would have no choicebut to listen to your demands.(WOMEN, in panic at the sight of theiremployer, are making gestures and try-ing to get LUISA’s attention.) Yes, yes, Isee you are excited at the thought ofthis. As am I. No longer do we need tobe under the thumb of cruel oppor-tunists who take advantage of cheaplabor. Are you with me? (One of theWOMEN points to get LUISA to turnaround.)

ZARAGOZA: As you were saying,Señorita Capetillo?

LUISA (Defiantly): Señor Zaragoza. (Helooks her up and down.)

ZARAGOZA: Why are you not wearing adress?

LUISA: Because I prefer pants.

ZARAGOZA: It is against the law.

LUISA: Then perhaps the law should bechanged.

ZARAGOZA (To ACOSTA): Take heraway, Captain Acosta.

LUISA: But I haven’t finished reading.You yourself hired me to read to theworkers.

ZARAGOZA: And that is all you werehired to do. (He grabs the book awayand tosses it toward WOMEN. ACOS-TA grabs her arm.)

ACOSTA: Come along. (ZARAGOZAexits first. LUISA calls over her shoul-der to the workers as ACOSTA pushesher toward the door.)

LUISA: Remember where we left off. I’ll

be back before you know it. (After she isescorted out, worker closest to thethrown book bends down to pick it up.The others gather round her as she ten-tatively opens it. She looks at the pages,mystified.)

WOMAN #6: Do you know how to readit to us? (WOMAN sadly shakes herhead as lights slowly go down andWOMEN exit. After a few moments, thelights come up right, where JUDGEMOLINA presides behind a lectern.LUISA is seated on the bench facingupstage. ACOSTA stands to one sideand ZARAGOZA on the other.)

MOLINA: Public drunkenness—tendays. (Pounds his gavel) Next?

ACOSTA: Luisa Capetillo.

MOLINA: And the charge?

ACOSTA: Wearing pants in public.Again.

MOLINA (Peering at LUISA): SeñoritaCapetillo. It seems like only yesterdayyou were in this court.

LUISA: Respectfully, Your Honor, it wastwo weeks on Tuesday.

MOLINA: Your penchant for wearingmen’s trousers in public is a disgrace.You are an attractive young woman.Why would you want to disguise yourgender rather than flaunt it?

LUISA: I am not one to flaunt anythingother than my intelligence, YourHonor.

MOLINA: And yet your intelligence failsto recognize the importance of rules.

LUISA: I believe rules are meant to bebroken. If men can see I am just ascapable of hard work as they are, a time



will come when they also see I shouldreceive comparable pay.

MOLINA (Chuckling): Who has been fill-ing your head with such nonsense?

LUISA: I have always been inspired bymy own parents. . .and they would notthink equal pay for equal work wasnonsense at all.

MOLINA: Where is your skirt?

LUISA: Right where I left it. At home onthe back of a chair.

MOLINA: Then I suggest you go homeand put it on. (Pounds gavel) I amgoing to let you off with a warning anddo not wish to see you in this courtagain. (ZARAGOZA clears his throatto get MOLINA’s attention.) Yes,Señor Zaragoza. You have somethingto say? (ZARAGOZA walks over toMOLINA, whispers something in hisear. MOLINA nods, addressesLUISA.) Señorita Capetillo?

LUISA: Yes, Your Honor?

MOLINA: I have it on the authority ofSeñor Zaragoza that you have beeninciting his workers to stage a strike.

LUISA: Suggesting it, to be more pre-cise. They are women of free will.

MOLINA: Have you any idea what therepercussions of a work stoppage wouldbe?

LUISA: Exactly. Which is why I havesuggested it. The factory workers toillong hours under poor conditions andfor little money by which to put food ontheir own tables. Their children go tobed starving and the parents helplessto do anything about it. In contrast,were Señor Zaragoza to miss a meal ortwo, I doubt he would suffer for it.

MOLINA (Banging his gavel): Enoughinsubordination! This court herebyorders you to 30 days in jail to reflect onyour anarchist views. (ACOSTA takesher arm and leads her off right asMOLINA and ZARAGOZA shakehands, satisfied that they have won.The lights go down right. When theycome up on the main stage, we see thatthe tables and chair have been removedand there are now bars on upstage win-dows. WOMEN we saw previously havechanged into dirty blouses, skirts anddresses and are eating bits of bread offof tin plates as they sit on benches or onthe floor with threadbare blankets. Thecreak of a metal door opening is heard,and then LUISA is pushed throughplatform doorway. When it closesbehind her with a bang, we see that itssurface is metal. WOMEN look up lookup at newcomer in curiosity.)

LUISA (With her hands on her hips):Well, that did not go as I might haveexpected. (To WOMEN) You’re proba-bly wondering what I’m doing here.(There is no response; they look atLUISA dully. LUISA comes down thesteps.) My name is Luisa. LuisaCapetillo. Looks as if I may be herewith you for a couple of weeks. (Shegoes around to each one and attempts tointroduce herself but no one wants anypart of her. She notices an untouchedplate of food on one of the benches.) Thisbelong to anyone? (No one speaks up.Finally one of the women relents.)

WOMAN #1: Maria Gutierrez. (After abeat) She won’t be back.

LUISA: Did her time already?

WOMAN #2: She killed her husband.Her trial is next week but it does notlook good.

LUISA: How so?

WOMAN #3: His family was rich. Theywant revenge.

LUISA (With a heavy sigh): The story ofour lives, isn’t it? The rich get richerand the poor get dead. (After a beat)How about the rest of you? Any otherhusband-killers in our merry littlegroup?

WOMAN #4 (Menacingly): You ask a lotof questions.

LUISA: I’ve found it’s the only smartway to get answers. (There’s a longsilence.)

WOMAN #5: I stole some needles andcloth to make my children clothes.

WOMAN #6: I slandered a neighbor.

WOMAN #3: I was turned out of myhouse because the rent was late.

WOMAN #1: I rejected my employer’sadvances.

WOMAN #4: I cheated a very bad shop-keeper.

WOMAN #2: I stole a loaf of bread.

LUISA: Ah—just like Jean Valjean.

WOMAN #2: Who?

LUISA: Jean Valjean. He’s in a famousbook by Victor Hugo. Les Misérables.Have you heard of it? (She looksaround.) Anyone?

WOMAN #4 (Sarcastically): Do we looklike we know how to read?

LUISA: I don’t know that you could telljust by looking at someone. But I doknow that his—or her—actions canreflect an awareness of what’s going onin one’s world.

WOMAN #3: You talk a lot for someonewho’s no better than the likes of us.

LUISA: No better?

WOMAN #2 (Smugly): All your fancywords didn’t keep you out of jail, did it?

WOMAN #1: Why are you in jail?

WOMAN #6: And why aren’t you wear-ing a dress?

LUISA (As she mounts the steps): Toanswer the last question first, I’m notwearing a dress because I think pantsare more comfortable. Apparently,though, it’s some sort of law thatwomen aren’t allowed to dress as theyplease.

WOMAN #2: Everyone knows that.

LUISA: Well, it’s a stupid law, if you askme. And laws are meant to be broken ifenough people are willing to take astand.

WOMAN #2: You got arrested justbecause you like dressing as a man?

LUISA: No, I was actually let off with awarning. It was the other thing,though, which didn’t rest well with myemployer. (They are all starting to drawcloser to hear what she has to say.)

WOMAN #5: What was that?

LUISA: I suggested to the workers in thecigar factory that they were beingtaken advantage of. That they shoulddemand more pay and fewer hours.

WOMAN #3: But wouldn’t they losetheir jobs? They would only be replacedby other workers who were more des-perate.

LUISA (Building up steam): But not if


word got out to those other workersthat they, too, should be paid for whatthey’re worth. If they were to form aunion, they could effect change!

WOMAN #6: What’s a union?

LUISA: A union is a group of like-mind-ed people who commit to watching eachother’s backs.

WOMAN #4 (Snorting): As if anyonewould ever do that.

LUISA (Hands on her hips): You under-estimate what people can accomplish ifthey really put their minds to it. Forinstance, what if all of us decided to goon a hunger strike?

WOMAN #3: Why would we do that?We get little enough food as it is.

LUISA: Yes, but if the newspapers foundout about it, the government wouldlook bad and be called upon to do some-thing.

WOMAN #1 (To WOMAN #2): Whatstrange ideas this girl in pants has.

LUISA: The alternative is to do nothing.And if nothing is done, then everythingstays exactly the same.

WOMAN #6: But we’re just women. It’sthe men who control everything.

LUISA: Only because they have themoney and the right to vote.

WOMAN #4 (Rolling her eyes): So nowshe’s saying we should be able to vote,too? (The others laugh.)

LUISA: Why not? There’s a movement inEngland and also in America called thesuffragettes. If women get the right tovote—

WOMAN #2 (Laughing): Their hus-bands and fathers and brothers wouldnever let that happen.

LUISA: Then maybe it’s time theystopped listening to their husbands andfathers and brothers and began listen-ing to their own voices. How can younot be excited? It’s a new century!

WOMAN #6: Not for the likes of us.This century is no different from theone that came before.

WOMAN #4 (To LUISA): How long didyou say you’re going to be here?

LUISA: A month. Why?

WOMAN #4: Because it’s going to be avery long month if this is all you’regoing to be talking about. (The othersseem to concur and start retreating.)

LUISA (After a moment): What if I wereto tell you a story instead?

WOMAN #1 (Yawning): It’s not aboutyourself, is it?

LUISA (Looking around): I was justnoticing you don’t have any books.

WOMAN #2: Like we already told you.None of us read.

LUISA: Well then, you’re missing out onan awful lot.

WOMAN #3 (Mocking her): And youintend to teach us?

LUISA (Sitting on top step): No. But Icould encourage you with a glimpse ofwhat’s waiting if you did learn to read.

WOMAN #2 (Drawing closer): Whatkind of story?

LUISA (Wistfully): Oh, I wish I hadn’t


PRODUCTION NOTESWearing the Pants

left my copy of Les Misérables at thefactory. It’s a perfect book for readingaloud. (After a beat) Fortunately,though, I think I can remember enoughof it off the top of my head. It takesplace in France and is about a mannamed Jean Valjean who steals a loaf ofbread to feed his family.

WOMAN #2 (Instantly relating): I stolea loaf of bread!

LUISA: Yes, but did you have an inspec-tor named Javert relentlessly chasingyou through the smelly sewers of Parisand to the ends of the earth? (She nowhas their attention.)

WOMAN #3: Is there a romance?

LUISA: Yes, but we’re getting ahead ofourselves. First I must tell you about asweet young woman named Fantineand her little daughter Cosette. (Thelights slowly start to fade.) BecauseCosette’s father did not marry Fantine,she was forced to take a job in a factorywhich had a very mean-spirited fore-man who meant to silence her spirit.

WOMAN #1: What was his name?

LUISA (Smiling slyly before replying):Señor Zaragoza. (Lights fade to black.)

THE END


CHARACTERS: 7 female, 3 male.PLAYING TIME: 25 minutes.COSTUMES: Luisa wears khaki shirt,trousers and boots; the women wearmatching brown dresses for the factoryscene and then switch to dirty blouses,skirts and dresses for the scene in jail.Zaragoza wears a vested 1900s suit,Acosta wears police uniform, andMolino wears a judge’s black robes.SETTING: Two-thirds of the minimalistset is used for the cigar factory and theArecibo jail. A raised platform accessed

by a short flight of steps has a door thatis currently open. High windows let infresh air but do not offer any view. Twowooden tables with benches containboxes of tobacco leaves, wooden trays,and small stacks of finished, rolledcigars. The stage right third of the set isin darkness until illuminated for a briefscene. It contains a lectern with gaveland a small downstage wooden bench.PROPERTIES: Leather-bound book, tinplates with bread, threadbare blankets.LIGHTING and SOUND: As indicated.

• Luisa Capetillo (1879-1922) was asocial labor organizer, author, andadvocate of equal rights for women.Home-schooled by her parents, she wasencouraged from an early age to be anoutspoken free-thinker. She is consid-ered to be one of Puerto Rico’s first suf-fragettes.•Following the Spanish-AmericanWar, the American Tobacco Companyhired readers to keep the illiterate fac-

tory workers entertained with novels.This, incidentally, was typically a jobgiven only to men. Luisa’s observationsof bleak working conditions inspiredher to write articles and propagandapieces aimed at orchestrating peacefulrebellion against unfair labor practices.Among her accomplishments was thepassage of a minimum wage law in1919 in the Puerto Rican Legislature.

HISTORICAL NOTES


Upper & Middle Grades

Crossing the RubiconA comic look at what might have pushed Julius Caesar

into the famous decision to cross the Rubicon River and

march on the powers in ancient Rome. . .

by Carol D. Wise

RUFILLA, wife (uxor) of Aurelius

ANNA, her slave (ancilla)

AURELIUS, master (dominus)

AVIA, Aurelius’ grandmother

AVUNCULUS, elderly uncle

MARCUS, son (filius)

MARCELLA, daughter (filia)

DECIMUS, cook (coquus)

JULIUS CAESAR, commander

(imperator)

TRIBUNUS

SCENE 1TIME: Ancient Rome.

SETTING: Atrium in villa of Aurelius andRufilla.

AT RISE: RUFILLA is seated whileANNA arranges her hair.

Characters ANNA: You have such beautiful hair,Domina. I can experiment with somany different styles.

RUFILLA: Gratias, Anna, but it doesn’treally matter much how well my hairlooks. No one of great consequence evercomes here, unless you count the Gaulswhen they are rampaging the country-side. (Sighs) What barbaric creatures!

ANNA (Dreamily): But Ravenna is sucha lovely place to live, with its rollinghills near the gentle Rubicon River. Itfar surpasses the little village where Igrew up.

RUFILLA: Do you miss your home?

ANNA (Sighing): I’ve been an ancillafor so long that I barely remember it.

RUFILLA: Does it bother you terribly—being a slave?

ANNA: It did once, but not so muchnow, Domina. You are very kind. Youprovided me with an education andhave treated me like your own daugh-

Crossing the Rubicon is protected byU.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to usethis play in any way unless you are acurrent subscriber to PLAYS Magazine(www.playsmagazine.com).

ter, and I think of Marcus and Marcellaas my brother and sister.

RUFILLA: I think I would miss my free-dom. I promise that I will make you aliberta one day. We will have a manu-mission celebration and then you willbe free.

ANNA: Most dominae are not as kind asyou. I am fortunate. When I was grow-ing up, my family struggled to make aliving. Pater was a farmer, but the landwas hard to farm, and rampagingGauls stole so many of our crops.

RUFILLA: The great Julius Caesar hassubdued the Gauls now and extendedthe boundaries of the Roman Republicas far as the Rhine.

ANNA: General Caesar is indeed a manof great power—and wealth! He hasacquired much fortune during his eightyears in Gaul.

RUFILLA (Sighing): Ah, Anna, such arethe spoils of war! Men love to play sol-dier. All my avunculus talks aboutthese days is his own service underMagnus Pompeius. Between that andhis game of Duodecim, he is about todrive me mad!

ANNA (Laughing): Ita vero. He isalways asking me to stop my work andplay Duodecim with him. I have beentempted to hide his dice.

RUFILLA: You have my permission to doso. (Sighs heavily) I think that was thechief entertainment in the army whenthe men were not engaged in battle.

ANNA: I have heard even the distin-guished Pompey was said to haveplayed it, although I cannot imagine it.

RUFILLA: We must try to humor Avunc-ulus as much as we can. He is old. His

memory is failing. But even he does notannoy me nearly as much as Avia.

ANNA (Nodding): Alas! Grandmother.

RUFILLA (Moaning): If I hear her recita-tion of remedies for every ailment onemore time, I believe that I will need tosee the medicus, myself.

ANNA: She means well. I have heardthat as we age, our minds tend to focusmore on our ailments.

RUFILLA: That may be, but Avia is atrue test of one’s patience. At least sheis only staying with us a few monthsand then she will be moving on to visitAurelius’s sister in Rome.

ANNA: That is indeed a blessing,Domina. One can abide almost any-thing for a few months. (MARCUS andMARCELLA enter right.)

RUFILLA (Horrified): Just look at thetwo of you! Covered with dirt! I’ll betyou have been playing with that stupidpeacock again.

MARCUS: Pavo is not stupid, Mater.

RUFILLA: Ridiculum! Peacocks are stul-tus! I cannot abide his infernal screech-ing at all hours, and he is always strut-ting around the yard as though he ownsthe place. You mustn’t grow so attachedto a wild animal. Peacocks are meant tobe eaten.We should have eaten Pavo along time ago!

MARCUS (Looking around): Sh-h! Hemight hear you. He’s very sensitive,you know. He’s very special to Marcellaand me—although he likes me best.

MARCELLA: He does not! He likes mebest!

MARCUS: Does not!


MARCELLA: Does too!

RUFILLA: Children! Enough! You areforever bickering.

MARCUS (Sighing): There is nothingelse to do in Ravenna, Mater. (AURE-LIUS enters left, excitedly.)

AURELIUS: Rufilla! You will never guesswho is going to be our house guest!

RUFILLA: A guest? Do you mean some-one is actually coming to stay atRavenna? Tell me, Aurelius! Who is it?

AURELIUS: I can hardly contain myself!Someone of this magnitude, cominghere!

RUFILLA (Impatiently): Who is it,Aurelius? You rattle on like Avunculus.

AURELIUS: The general himself—JuliusCaesar!

RUFILLA (Jumping up): Julius Caesar!Maritus, you are not teasing me?

AURELIUS: No, cara mea. I speak thetruth. I have only just learned it fromhis tribunus. After eight years in Gaul,the great Caesar is returning with hislegions to Rome.

RUFILLA: And he has chosen to stay inour humble villa?

ANNA (Laughing): Humble? You havethe finest villa in Ravenna! I’m surethat is why the General selected it.

AURELIUS: His 13th legion is campingnearby. He is looking for a night of com-fort. Is this not exciting, uxor?

ANNA: I’ve heard that some Romansbelieve him to be a deity.

AURELIUS (Laughing): I imagine that

Caesar himself believes that!

MARCUS: Only the great Jupiter andthe gods and goddesses of Olympus canbe deities.

MARCELLA: Caesar could be anotherdeity—like the household gods.

MARCUS: Could not!

MARCELLA: Could too!

MARCUS: Could not!

AURELIUS: Children! Enough!

ANNA: Although he is very brave andstrong, the general is a mortal. (AVUN-CULUS and AVIA enter left.)

AVUNCULUS: What’s this I hear? IsMagnus Pompeius coming here?

ANNA: No, Avunculus. Dominus saysthat the great Julius Caesar is comingto stay with us.

AVUNCULUS (Excited): Ah, I must findmy dice! I shall challenge him to a rous-ing game of Duodecim.

AVIA (Sternly): Avunculus, I do notthink that the great Caesar will wantto play dice.

AVUNCULUS: Avia, you do not know thematters of the military. I served withPompey for many years. He loved toplay Duodecim with his men.

AVIA (Crossly): We are all well aware ofthat! You remind us of it every day.

AVUNCULUS (Indignant): I most cer-tainly do not! And I am far moreenlightening than your proclamationsabout taking chamomile for bladder ail-ments.



AVIA: Chamomile is also excellent forheadaches, although I personally preferwine in which a chameleon has beensoaked.

MARCELLA (Groaning): Eww....GROSS!

MARCUS: I’d rather have the headache!

AVUNCULUS: I’ve yet to discover its suc-cess, not to mention your recommendedcure for my gout—combining mustard,saffron, the fat of a male goat, and thedung of a female goat. It makes menauseated just thinking about it.(MARCUS and MARCELLA groan.)

AVIA (Curtly): A three-finger pinch ofcumin works splendidly for nausea.

RUFILLA: Avia, no one can dispute yourskills with medicines, but GeneralCaesar has his own physician. AndAvunculus, you have indeed honored theRepublic with your military service, butI believe General Caesar is in Ravennato rest. You needn’t entertain him.

ANNA: It has been an arduous decadefor him in Gaul, and he will return toRome as a hero.

AURELIUS (Solemnly): I am not so sureof the general’s reception in Rome. Ithas been said that he has amassedmany enemies while he has been away.

MARCELLA: Surely he will be recog-nized for his success in Gaul?

MARCUS (Scowling): If you want to callstealing from the Gallic people success.

MARCELLA: He did not steal from theGauls!

AURELIUS: This is the way of bellum,Marcella. I do not know what the godshave in store for Caesar; nevertheless,he will be treated as a distinguished

guest while he is here.

RUFILLA (Excited): We must prepare forhis arrival!

AVIA: I will go out to the garden and col-lect some garlic. Who knows what kindof ailments those soldiers may haveencountered.

RUFILLA: Avia, the milites do not needyour remedies!

MARCELLA: And garlic makes you smellbad. Decimus reeks of it. If garlic hashealing properties, then Decimus mustbe the healthiest man in Ravenna!

MARCUS: He’s the cook, Marcella. Hehas to use garlic in his meals.

MARCELLA: Not that much! I can smellhim coming a mile away.

AVIA (Pondering): You know. . .I haveread that the general has seizures.

AVUNCULUS: Ah! The disease of thegods. The only way to cure that is topray to Apollo in the temple. He is thegod of medicine.

AVIA: That will accomplish absolutelynothing! Disease of the gods. . .absoluterubbish! The best cure is to take waterfrom a spring during the night andplace it in the skull of a dead man—

MARCELLA: Avia! No one’s going todrink from a dead man’s skull!

MARCUS: Depends on if they got theblood and brains out first.

MARCELLA: Eww! Marcus! That’s gross!

AVIA (Shrugging): Desperate times callfor desperate measures.

RUFILLA: Avia, please don’t make such a

suggestion about drinking from skullsof dead men to General Caesar.

AURELIUS: It is best that you remain inyour room while the general is here. Hewill want some peace and quiet. That isthe best medicine for him. Marcus andMarcella, that goes for you as well. TheGeneral has been subjected to enoughturmoil without having to listen to thetwo of you squabbling.

MARCUS: It’s all Marcella’s fault.

MARCELLA: It is not!

MARCUS: Is too.

MARCELLA: Is not.

AURELIUS (Sternly): Enough! One moreword from either of you, and you’ll bepulling weeds in the hortus until sum-mer.

MARCELLA (Gasping): Summer is sixmonths away!

AURELIUS (Smugly): Indeed!

AVUNCULUS: I for one would like to talkwith Caesar about the great GeneralPompey.

AURELIUS: I would not do that if I wereyou, Avunculus. Caesar and Pompeyhave become bitter enemies.

AVUNCULUS: Nonsense! They are serv-ing on the Triumvirate together withCrassus. Pompey married Julia,Caesar’s daughter.

RUFILLA: That was more than ten yearsago. And Crassus is dead now. So isJulia. She died in childbirth.

AVUNCULUS: Mortus! Impossible! Howcould I have missed this?

AURELIUS: At any rate, I would notmention Pompey to General Caesar.Just allow him to rest before his returnto Rome.

AVIA: Tarragon is good for fatigue.

RUFILLA (Crossly): Avia!

AVIA: I know that Caesar’s legions havegreat need for my skills. It is the veryleast that I can do for our famous guest.Come, Avunculus. You can help meselect the best parsley. It is excellentfor increasing strength and agility. Youcould use some of that yourself. You’reno spring chicken, you know.

AVUNCULUS: You’re not exactly oneyourself! But yes, I will help you. I havea good eye for the best herbs. I can’t belong, though. I must go and put on myarmor.

RUFILLA (Exasperated): Avunculus, youwill not be needing your body armortoday!

AVUNCULUS: The general may want meto ride with his legions. After all, I rodewith his friend Pompey.

MARCUS: Avunculus, Pompey is notGeneral Caesar’s friend anymore.

MARCELLA: They are enemies.

AVUNCULUS: No! Pompey is married tothe general’s daughter.

ANNA (Patiently): Avunculus, you don’tunderstand—

RUFILLA (Sighing): Don’t even bother,Anna. It’s utterly useless.

AVIA: Come, we will find some garlic,parsley and tarragon—and perhapssome rosemary. Rosemary helpsrestore memory loss. (Leads him out



right, by the arm)

RUFILLA: Aurelius, what are we to dowith them? We can’t have them enter-taining the general.

AURELIUS: Maybe we can find a sleep-ing potion. I’ll look one up in Avia’sbook. She keeps careful notations ofevery remedy.

RUFILLA: That’s a marvelous idea.

AURELIUS: I will leave you to makearrangements for our guest. (Exits left)

RUFILLA: Anna, would you please sum-mon Decimus? I must consult himabout our dinner. (Sits as ANNA cross-es left and calls out)

ANNA: Decimus! Domina has need ofyou. (DECIMUS rushes in left.)

DECIMUS: Ah, Domina, at your service!What can I do for you? A light snack?Some fruit? A poculum of vinum? Ihave fresh panis in the oven. The henjust laid some ova this morning. . .

RUFILLA: We are having a special guesttonight—General Caesar.

DECIMUS (Excited): The general him-self! I will prepare the best meal! I havebeen fattening up some dormice for aspecial occasion. Nothing says deliciouslike a plump dormouse stuffed withmeats and dipped in honey! Doesn’tthat just make your palate sing?

MARCUS (Irritably): We had dormicethree times last month, Decimus.

MARCELLA: And you didn’t get all thefur off!

RUFILLA: Let’s think of something else,Decimus.

DECIMUS (Pondering): Ah, well! Let mesee. . .I wish we weren’t out of flamingotongues. The general would be ravingabout them for months. It makes mesalivate just thinking of them! If only Icould make some garum, but I don’thave any fish intestines available.

RUFILLA (Impatiently): What do wehave on hand in the house?

DECIMUS: I have vegetables from thegarden, but I need a good meat—a del-icacy. Ah! I have it! Peacock would bean excellent choice.

RUFILLA (Excited): Ita vera! Peacock! Awonderful idea!

MARCUS, MARCELLA: No!!!! Not Pavo!

MARCELLA: Decimus, Pavo is familia.

RUFILLA: A great man is coming to staywith us. He has honored us. We mustserve him the best meal. Pavo mustmake the ultimate sacrifice.

DECIMUS: It is a well-known fact thatGeneral Caesar loves peacock.

MARCELLA: Surely, there is somethingelse you can serve? Venison, perhaps?

DECIMUS: Too tough.

MARCUS: Fish?

DECIMUS: Too many bones. The generalcould choke.

MARCELLA: What about pork?

DECIMUS: Causes indigestion.

RUFILLA: We will have no further argu-ments. Decimus, prepare Pavo for ourcena.

DECIMUS (Bowing): Ita vero, Domina. I

assure you that the cenawill be optima!The magnus Caesar will say, “Who wasthe incredible coquus from Ravennawho prepared that magnificent pea-cock?

MARCUS: You’ll have to find the pea-cock first. (Curtain)

***SCENE 2

TIME: Hours later.

SETTING: The same.

AT RISE: A knock at the door is heard,and ANNA answers it. JULIUS CAE-SAR and TRIBUNUS enter.

ANNA (Bowing): Oh, Dominus Caesar!We are humbled by your presence inour home. Please be seated, and I willtell mea domina that you are here.

CAESAR: I regret that we are early, butmy tribunus and I have urgent busi-ness to discuss.

TRIBUNUS: Please tell Domina not tohurry on our account. The general andI will be quite comfortable.

ANNA: I will tell her. (Bows and exits)

TRIBUNUS: Imperator, the Senate hasspoken. You cannot enter Italia as thecommander of an army, or both you andyour soldiers will be declared outlaws ofthe State.

CAESAR (Angrily): Pompey wishes totrick me.

TRIBUNUS: He and the Senate fear yourpower too much, Imperator. Pompeyclearly wants to rule the Republic him-self.

CAESAR: Pompey has planned this verycarefully. He deliberately sought toremove me from Rome so that he could

assume power. Now he wishes me toturn tail and run.

TRIBUNUS: Fate is cruel. You were oncesuch great allies, serving on the firstTriumvirate together, celebrating hismarriage to your daughter. . .

CAESAR: Ah, sweet Julia, my only child.If she had lived, perhaps the course ofour lives would have been different, butnow Pompey is my bitterest enemy. I donot want to appease him by disbandingmy army and returning to Romestripped of my power.

TRIBUNUS: Crossing the Rubicon witharmed soldiers would be consideredinsurrection, treason, and a declarationof war. This will mean certain death.

CAESAR: Will you follow me to the gaols—and possible demise?

TRIBUNUS: Imperator, you have provenyour skills as a great leader in this longcampaign. Your soldiers and I will fol-low you to the ends of the earth.

CAESAR: You know that after we crossthe Rubicon, there will be no turningback?

TRIBUNUS: I do. So much importance toa little body of water. . .

CAESAR: The Republic is dying. It needsa strong leader. This decision weighsheavily on my mind. I will wait for asign from the gods before I decide whatI must do.

TRIBUNUS: Just know that your menand I are behind you, whatever yourdecision.

CAESAR: You are a loyal tribunus. Wewill rest here and then I will make mydecision.



TRIBUNUS: I believe that the gods willlead you to Rome. (CAESAR sits andholds his jaw in deep thought. AVIAenters right, carrying basket of herbs.)

AVIA: Oh! You must be Julius Caesar! Ibrought you some special herbs for yourailments. (CAESAR rises.)

CAESAR (Puzzled): My ailments?

AVIA: I know that you have been in thefield for a long time, and I have sooth-ing herbs that will help all kinds of dis-positions.

CAESAR: I am fine, mea femina. I havea skilled physician.

AVIA: But I saw from the way you wereholding your jaw when I entered thatyou have a toothache. If you would eata mouse twice a month, you could pre-vent that, you know.

CAESAR: But, I do not have a tooth-

AVIA: If you have allowed it to fester,then earthworms boiled in oil andinjected into the ear provide a welcomerelief. (AVUNCULUS enters right. Heis dressed for battle.)

AVUNCULUS: Hail, Caesar! I am comingout of retirement and will fight along-side you and the great Pompey!

CAESAR: I’m afraid, senex, that I amfighting against Pompey, not with him.

AVUNCULUS: But you serve together onthe Triumvirate, and your daughterJulia—(ANNA and RUFILLA enterleft.)

RUFILLA: Avunculus! Avia! Oh,Imperator! I am so sorry!

AVUNCULUS: I say, Imperator, do youlike to play Duodecim?

CAESAR: My men like it, but I am notmuch into dice. Once the die is cast, thegame can be over. I always like tomaintain my options.

AVUNCULUS: But casting the winningdie can prove a momentous success!When I was serving with the GreatPompey—

RUFILLA (Interrupting): Avia, Avuncu-lus, why don’t you freshen up for ourcena. I’m sure that Decimus will have itprepared shortly.

AVUNCULUS: I heard that we are hav-ing peacock.

CAESAR (Brightening): Ah, I love pea-cock! One of my favorite meals! (DEC-IMUS enters right with MARCUS andMARCELLA, who are smiling, smugly.)

DECIMUS: I’m afraid that we are nothaving peacock. I couldn’t find Pavoanywhere. I think that Marcus andMarcella must have hidden him.

MARCUS (Defensively): We did not!

MARCELLA: Pavo can hide all by him-self.

MARCUS: I’m glad you couldn’t findhim, though. He’s a pet. (He and MAR-CELLA give a high-five.)

TRIBUNUS: Oh, we would not want toeat a pet.

MARCELLA: Decimus would just smoth-er him in garlic anyway. He smotherseverything in garlic—including him-self.

AVIA: Garlic is especially good for—

AVUNCULUS: Avia! The General doesnot want to hear about the properties ofgarlic. We like to talk about war strate-

gies, don’t we, General? When I was inthe army with Pompey—

RUFILLA: Avunculus! The General doesnot want to discuss battle strategieswith you either. (To DECIMUS) Areyou serving the dormice, then?

DECIMUS: Uh, well, I’m afraid theywere rancid. I had to dispose of them.

MARCELLA: You disposed of them, allright! I saw you stuffing your face withthem and gulping down our bestvinum.

MARCUS: He did not.

MARCELLA: Did too!

MARCUS: Did not!

RUFILLA: Enough! Please excuse mychildren, General. They are not usuallyso argumentative. Decimus, what areyou serving if we do not have dormice?

DECIMUS (Clapping his hands enthusi-astically): Ah, mea Domina, I havemade a delicious stew. Avia found somechickens for me. All I had to do was todrop them in the pot.

AVIA: Decimus, wherever did you getthe idea that they were chickens? Therewere some scrumptious toads sitting onthe rocks in my garden. Toads are real-ly quite tasty, you know, much more sothan chicken, and the secretions fromtheir skin have valuable healing prop-erties. A little slimy, but—

CAESAR (Squeamish; abruptly): I don’tbelieve I am particularly hungry today.

TRIBUNUS: Neither am I. Our coquus atthe camp made a large lunch for us. Icouldn’t eat another bite. (Rubs hisstomach)

AVUNCULUS: Perhaps a rousing gameof Duodecim?

TRIBUNUS: That won’t be necessary.

AVIA: I have some special herbs to helpyou relax. I just need to get the birddroppings off them.

CAESAR (Firmly): I’m afraid we mustdepart. Sudden change of plans. Wehave a long road and some heavy fight-ing ahead of us, isn’t that right,Tribunus?

TRIBUNUS (Happily): Indeed, it is, sir! Iknew that you would come to this deci-sion. The gods have spoken! (AURE-LIUS enters.)

AURELIUS: Ah, Imperator Caesar!Welcome to our villa!

ANNA (Sadly): Domine, he is departing.

AURELIUS: So soon? We have not enter-tained you yet.

CAESAR: Oh, but you have! I have beenvery entertained. Your family hashelped me make a momentous decision.

AURELIUS (Surprised): They have?

CAESAR: Indeed! I was wrestling withwhether or not to cross the Rubicon,and now I have decided that is justwhat I will do. I thought I needed somerest and relaxation here, but that clear-ly is not going to happen. Thank you forhelping me realize what I must do.

AVUNCULUS: Then I must come withyou! I am ready for battle!

CAESAR (Quickly): Oh, no, Avunculus!You must stay here and protect yourfamily. They need a brave soldier likeyou to watch over them and keep themsafe. (AVUNCULUS puffs up his chest.)


AVUNCULUS: If you see Pompey, tellhim that I wanted to serve.

CAESAR: Ah! I will tell him.

AVIA: I would be happy to accompanyyour legion with my herbs. You knowthat wool is particularly soothing forwounds when it has been dipped in amixture of rue and fat.

CAESAR: That is thoughtful of you, butmy soldiers will be engaged in fiercebattles, and I would not want a gra-cious lady like you to be harmed. Thankyou all for your generous offer, though.

TRIBUNUS: You and your family havechanged history. (Exits with CAESAR)

MARCUS: I can’t understand why afamous man like General Caesar wouldbe wrestling with the decision to cross astupid river.

MARCELLA: Maybe he is not as great aswe thought he was.

AURELIUS: It’s more than just crossing ariver. The Rubicon is a border into theRoman Republic. By crossing it, Caesaris declaring himself more powerfulthan the Senate. He is not only riskinghis own life but the lives of his soldiers.

ANNA: The Romans have very strangetraditions.

AVIA: Well, that does it! I’m going to gopack.

ANNA: Why are you packing, Avia?

AVIA: I am going to Rome. JuliusCaesar is going to need me if he is goingto take on the whole Senate.

ANNA (Alarmed): Avia, it is too danger-ous for you!

AVIA (Proudly): Nonsense! The RomanSenate wouldn’t dare tangle with me!

AURELIUS (Mumbling to RUFILLA):She has a point there.

AVUNCULUS: I will go with you. Caesarand Pompey will need a good warrior.

MARCUS: Caesar is fighting Pompey,Avunculus. You can’t help them both.

MARCELLA: I don’t think Avunculus hasbeen able to grasp that fact, Marcus.

AVUNCULUS: I will bring my dice, too.

AVISAVIA: I can’t wait to see theGeneral’s face when he sees us! (Theyexit.)

RUFILLA: Caesar and his legion had bet-ter move quickly!

AURELIUS: He may prefer fightingPompey and the Roman Senate morethan taking on those two.

DECIMUS: What about my dinner? It’sall ready!

MARCUS (Wrinkling nose): Toad stew?

DECIMUS: It’s really not that bad. I fla-vored it with garlic.

MARCELLA: Of course, you did.

DECIMUS (Excitedly): Second helpingsfor everyone!

MARCUS: At least it’s not Pavo! (GivesMARCELLA a high-five as all exit.Curtain)

THE END(Production Notes on page 42)



Dramatized Classic(Upper & Middle Grades)

Around the World in Eighty DaysClassic story of a wager between gentlemen that turns

into a race around the world, bringing with it true love.

by Jules Verne

Adapted for roundtable reading by Lewy Olfson

THOMAS FLANAGAN

ANDREW STUART

GAUTHIER RALPH

PHILEAS FOGG

PASSEPARTOUT

FOUR MEN

DETECTIVE FIX

CONSUL

TWO TRAIN CONDUCTORS

PARSEE

BRAHMIN

PRINCESS AOUDA

PILOT

BUTLER

NARRATOR

NARRATOR: This story, published in1873, begins with a bank robbery inLondon. Fifty-five thousand poundshave been stolen from the Bank ofEngland. The news is on everyone’s

Characters lips, and in everyone’s thoughts. In thedrawing room of the Reform Club, fourof the members are discussing the out-rageous theft over a game of whist.

FLANAGAN: Gentlemen, what aboutthat robbery?

STUART: I say the bank will lose themoney.

RALPH: I don’t know about that, Stuart.I think we may yet capture the thief.Skillful detectives have been sent to allthe principal ports of America and thecontinent, and he’ll be a clever fellow ifhe slips through their fingers.

STUART: According to the DailyTelegraph, it wasn’t a thief at all!

FLANAGAN: What? A fellow who makesoff with all that money not a thief?

FOGG (Coldly and firmly): The DailyTelegraph says he is a gentleman.

STUART: Right, Fogg! And I maintainthe chances are in favor of his getting

This adaptation of Around the World inEighty Days is protected by U.S. copy-right law. It is unlawful to use this playin any way unless you are a current sub-scriber to PLAYS Magazine(www.playsmagazine.com).

away, for he must be a shrewd fellow.

RALPH: But where can he go? There isno country safe for him.

FLANAGAN: I don’t know about that.The world is big enough.

FOGG: It was once.

FLANAGAN: What do you mean by that,Fogg? Has the world grown smaller?

FOGG: Certainly it has. A man can nowgo around it ten times more quicklythan he could have a hundred yearsago.

STUART: Precisely, Fogg. That is whythe search for this thief will be morelikely to succeed.

FLANAGAN: And also why the thief canget away more easily!

FOGG: Please be so good as to play yourcard, Mr. Stuart.

STUART: Just because you can goaround the world in three months—

FOGG (Interrupting calmly): I beg yourpardon. In eighty days.

FLANAGAN: Quite right, Fogg. Quiteright! According to this chart here inthe newspaper, the trip can be made inexactly eighty days.

STUART: That chart may be very good,but what may work on paper doesn’talways work in actuality. It doesn’ttake into account bad weather, con-trary winds, shipwrecks, railway acci-dents, and so on.

FOGG: Yes, it does. All are included.Two trumps.

STUART: You are right theoretically,

Mr. Fogg. But practically—

FOGG: Practically also, Mr. Stuart.

STUART (Laughing): Ha! I’d like to seeyou do it in eighty days!

FOGG: Gladly.

STUART: I’m serious! I’ll wager fourthousand pounds that such a journey,made under this condition, is impossi-ble.

FOGG: Quite possible, on the contrary.

STUART: Make it, then!

FOGG: I should like nothing better.

STUART: When, Mr. Fogg, when?

FOGG: At once. Only I warn you, youshall lose your four thousand!

FLANAGAN: Come, come, you two mustbe joking! Back to the game!

STUART: When I say I’ll wager, I’llwager.

FOGG: All right. I have a deposit oftwenty thousand pounds at Baring’s,which I will willingly risk upon it.

RALPH: Twenty thousand pounds!

FLANAGAN: Which you might lose,Fogg, by a single accidental delay!

FOGG: The unforeseen does not exist.

RALPH: But, Mr. Fogg, eighty days areonly the estimate of the least possibletime in which the journey can be made.

FOGG: A well-used minimum sufficesfor everything.

FLANAGAN: You are joking!


FOGG: A true Englishman doesn’t jokewhen talking about so serious a thingas a wager. I will bet twenty thousandpounds, against anyone who wishes,that I will make a tour of the world ineighty days or fewer; in 1,920 hours, or115,200 minutes. Do you accept?

ALL (In unison, amazed): Yes, Mr. Fogg,we accept.

FOGG: Good. The train leaves for Doverat a quarter before nine. I will take it.

RALPH (Incredulous): This veryevening?

FOGG (Calmly): This very evening. Astoday is Wednesday, the second ofOctober, I shall be due in London, inthis very room of the Reform Club, onSaturday, the 21st of December, at aquarter before nine p.m., or else thetwenty thousand pounds will belong toyou gentlemen. Here is my check forthat amount. I am quite ready now.Diamonds are trump. Be so good as toplay, gentlemen.

NARRATOR: With that, Mr. PhileasFogg, calmly, coolly, and precisely clos-es the wager of twenty thousandpounds, one half his fortune, andresolves to go around the world ineighty days. Having won twentyguineas at whist, and taken leave of hisfriends, Fogg leaves the Reform Club attwenty-five minutes past seven, goesdirectly home, and summons his serv-ing man, Jean Passepartout.

FOGG: Passepartout!

PASSEPARTOUT (Cheerfully; withFrench accent): Oui, Monsieur Fogg?

FOGG: We start for Dover and Calais inten minutes.

PASSEPARTOUT (Curiously): Monsieur

is going to leave home?

FOGG: Yes. We are going around theworld.

PASSEPARTOUT (Taken aback): Sacrebleu! Around the world?

FOGG (Calmly): Yes. In eighty days. Butwe haven’t a moment to lose.

PASSEPARTOUT: But the trunks?

FOGG: We’ll have no trunks; only a car-petbag, with two shirts and three pairsof stockings for myself, and the samefor you. We’ll buy our clothes on theway. Bring down my traveling cloakand some stout shoes. Make haste!

NARRATOR: Within ten minutes Passe-partout, still amazed at what his mas-ter has said, presents himself onceagain to Mr. Fogg.

FOGG: You have forgotten nothing?

PASSEPARTOUT: Nothing, monsieur.

FOGG: Good. Take this carpetbag, andtake good care of it, for there are twen-ty thousand pounds in it.

PASSEPARTOUT (Amazed): Twenty—twenty thousand pounds?

FOGG (Briskly): Twenty thousandpounds, Passepartout. Come along!

NARRATOR: Within an hour of theirstrange departure, the news of Fogg’soutlandish wager is splashed all overthe London papers. Immediately,thought of the bank robbery drops frompeople’s interest, and everyone is takenup with this strange Phileas Fogg.

1ST MAN: Around the world in eightydays! Impossible!



2ND MAN: Ridiculous!

3RD MAN: Absurd!

4TH MAN: Just plain balmy!

NARRATOR: Wagers are placed. WillFogg make it? Is it possible? While hisname is on all the lips of London, Fogghimself is settled in a railroad car,calmly reading his newspaper, seem-ingly less concerned with his own voy-age than is anyone else. The only inter-est he seems to show in the trip is inkeeping a complete daily record ofarrivals, departures, times and sched-ules in a small diary, which is as com-pact, complete and well-organized asFogg himself. Suddenly, the confusedPassepartout lets out a yelp.

PASSEPARTOUT: Sacre bleu!

FOGG: What is the matter, my goodman?

PASSEPARTOUT: Alas! In my hurry I—Iforgot to turn off the gas in my room!

FOGG: Very well, young man. It willburn—at your expense! You may reim-burse me when we return.

NARRATOR: The imperturbable Mr.Fogg continues to make entries in hisdiary, and so far, is right on schedule.

FOGG: Arrived at Dover—on time.(Short pause) Arrived at Calais—ontime. (Pause) Board the steamer,Mongolia—on time. Bound for Suez.

NARRATOR: Unknown to Fogg, howev-er, at the very moment he is setting sailfor Suez, the London papers are onceagain filled with his name. A telegramfrom Detective Fix in Suez has beenreceived by the commissioner of Police.The message of the dispatch reads:

FIX (Slyly): To Rowan, Commissioner ofPolice, Scotland Yard: I’ve found thebank robber—Phileas Fogg. Send with-out delay a warrant of arrest to Suez.Signed, Detective Fix.

NARRATOR: So that’s it! Phileas Foggfits the description of the bank robber,and preparations are under way toarrest him when he reaches Suez.

FIX: I tell you, Consul, this Phileas Foggis the robber! We must arrest him themoment he lands.

CONSUL: Now, now, Mr. Fix. You arethe detective; I am only the Consul. Youmay think Fogg is the bank robber, butif his papers are in order, and I have nowarrant for his arrest, he may go on.

FIX: What? You’re going to let this thiefslip through your fingers?

CONSUL: I am not convinced that he isa thief. From his description in thenewspaper, he sounds like an honestman.

FIX: Consul, great robbers alwaysresemble honest folk. Take my word forit; Fogg is the thief.

CONSUL: We shall see, Detective Fix.We shall see.

NARRATOR: After arriving in Suez,Fogg goes to the Consul’s office to havehis passport examined. There,Detective Fix hopes to arrest him.

CONSUL: All seems to be in order here,Mr. Fogg. You may go.

FOGG: Thank you for your trouble,Consul. Goodbye.

FIX (Furiously): What, Consul? You’regoing to let him escape?

CONSUL: I have no legal grounds forkeeping him.

FIX: You’re letting a fortune in rewardmoney escape you! But I’m not so fool-ish as you!

CONSUL: What are you going to do?

FIX: Send a dispatch to London for awarrant of arrest to be sent instantly toBombay, take passage on board theMongolia, follow that rogue to India,and there, on English soil, arrest himpolitely, with my warrant in my hand,and my hand on his shoulder.

FOGG: October 20th, the Mongoliaarrives at Bombay. Since we are notscheduled to arrive until the 22nd, wehave gained two days on our program.

NARRATOR: Thus, as is his custom,Phileas Fogg makes another entry inhis notebook concerning his journey’sprogress. At the same time that Mr.Fogg is enjoying the gain of time,Detective Fix is cursing it.

FIX: Two days gained, worse luck! Nowonder the warrant for arrest hasn’tarrived in Bombay yet. And no doubtFogg will be gone before it has a chanceto get here. I suppose the only thing todo is send another dispatch requestinga warrant, this one to be sent toCalcutta. I’m determined to catch thisthief who calls himself Phileas Fogg!

FOGG: Half-past twelve. Burhampoor.Train running on schedule. (Pause)Evening in the Sutpour Mountains.Everything on schedule.

1ST CONDUCTOR (Calling out):Passengers will get out here! All pas-sengers will get out here!

FOGG: Conductor, what is the meaningof this? We haven’t reached the desti-

nation, Allahabad.

1ST CONDUCTOR: This is the end of theline. The railway isn’t finished. There’sstill a matter of fifty miles to be laidfrom here to Allahabad, where the linebegins again.

PASSEPARTOUT: Sacre bleu!

FOGG: But the papers announced theopening of the railway throughout!

1ST CONDUCTOR: Can’t help that, sir.The papers were mistaken.

PASSEPARTOUT: Monsieur Fogg, whatare we to do? We are in the middle of ajungle!

FOGG (Calmly): We shall find somemeans of conveyance to Allahabad.

PASSEPARTOUT: What will this do toyour schedule, to your timing?

FOGG: I have gained two days so far, soI have them to sacrifice. A steamerleaves Calcutta for Hong Kong at noonon the 25th. This is the 22nd, and weshall reach Calcutta in time. Come,Passepartout!

NARRATOR: Undaunted by this suddeninterruption in his plans, Phileas Fogglooks about for a means of conveyanceto Calcutta, and, after much difficultyand expense, manages to buy an ele-phant and to hire a driver who will takethem to Allahabad. The driver is aParsee, who knows the forest quitewell, and with Fogg and Passepartoutseated in howdahs, the Parsee guidesthe elephant into the forest. After trav-eling for twenty hours with little diffi-culty, though considerable discomfort,the three are surprised when, all of asudden, with no warning, the elephantstops cold in his tracks.



FOGG: What’s the trouble, driver?

PARSEE: I don’t know, Officer. The ele-phant seems to fear something.

PASSEPARTOUT: What’s that noise away off? Sounds like people!

FOGG: Driver, what do you see?

PARSEE: A procession of Brahmins iscoming this way. We must preventthem from seeing us, if possible. Quick,let us hide in that thicket. We shall beable to see them pass from there.

PASSEPARTOUT (After a short pause, ina whisper): What are they doing?

PARSEE (Whispering): It is a suttee.

FOGG (Whispering): What is a suttee?

PARSEE: Do you see that woman,between the Brahmins, bound handand foot, and moving along as thoughin a dream? She is the widow of thatman, whose body you see being carried.Tomorrow at dawn the woman will beburned with the corpse of her husband.

FOGG: Is it possible that such cruel cus-toms are still practiced?

PARSEE: The authorities have littlepower in these jungle territories.

PASSEPARTOUT: The poor wretch, to beburned alive!

FOGG: Suppose we save this woman. Ihave twelve hours to spare; we candevote them to that.

PASSEPARTOUT: Why, you are a man ofheart, Monsieur Fogg!

FOGG: Sometimes, when I have thetime. But how are we to accomplish it?See how heavily she is guarded!

PARSEE: You must wait till night falls;then perhaps the guards will be asleep.They would kill you with slow torturesif you were caught!

FOGG: Very well, then. We shall waithere until nightfall, and then—well,then we shall see.

NARRATOR: From their hiding place inthe thicket, Phileas Fogg, Passe-partout, and their guide watch theBrahmin priests perform their rites ofprayer. At last night falls, but alas!Although the other Brahmins sleep onthe ground, four guards remain awaketo keep careful watch on their victim.

PARSEE: See! All but the four guardsare asleep beneath the full moon.

FOGG (Bitterly): Yes, but with thosefour brutes, how are we to accomplishanything?

PARSEE: I do not know, Officer. The sit-uation looks grave.

FOGG: To let that young woman die isheartless. To try to save her would befoolhardy!

BRAHMIN (Crying in surprise, asthough from a distance): Ah-h-h!

FOGG: The guards! Something is hap-pening!

PARSEE: Look, Officer. The corpse of thedead man. He is rising from the bier.He is not dead!

FOGG: How can that be?

PARSEE: The Brahmin priests areawake and bowing down. A miracle!

FOGG: Miracles are impossible. Theydon’t occur!

PARSEE: What else can it be? The corpseis lifting the woman in his arms! He iscarrying her this way! I am frightened!

FOGG (Joyfully): Look! It’s Passe-partout! He has taken the place of thedead man under cover of darkness!

PASSEPARTOUT (Breathing heavily):Quick, gentlemen! Let us be off! Helpme lift the young lady into the howdah.She is still drowsy. Quick! We must beoff! As soon as they find the nakedcorpse of the real dead man, all will beover with us. Hurry!

NARRATOR: Quickly, the travelersmount their elephant and are on theirway through the dense forest. By thetime the Brahmins discover the trick-ery that has made them believe in afalse miracle, Fogg and his friends arefar out of their reach. It is the clever-ness and daring of Passepartout thatsaves the life of the young Indianwoman, who turns out to be the fairestof India’s fair—Princess Aouda. AsFogg had predicted, the Parsee guidesucceeds in reaching Allahabad in timefor him to make his next connection.

FOGG (Gratefully): Parsee, you havebeen serviceable and devoted. I havepaid for your service, but not for yourdevotion. Would you like to have thiselephant? He is yours.

PARSEE: Your honor is giving me a for-tune!

FOGG: Take him, guide, and I shall stillbe your debtor.

NARRATOR: Once again, Phileas Foggsets out, this time accompanied by thelovely Indian princess, Aouda, as wellas Passepartout.

FOGG: Allahabad reached—on sched-ule. (Short pause) Benares reached on

schedule. (Short pause) October 25th.Due to arrive at Calcutta, and havearrived at Calcutta, on schedule, nei-ther behind nor ahead of time.(Musing) I gained two days betweenLondon and Bombay, and I lost them inthe journey across India and the rescu-ing of Princess Aouda. But I don’t mindadmitting to myself that I don’t regrethaving her with us—not for a moment!

NARRATOR: Unaware that he is sus-pected of being the notorious bank rob-ber, Phileas Fogg sets out again withhis party. Meanwhile, Detective Fixhas not been able to reach Calcutta intime. . . .

FIX: Dear Scotland Yard: I am pursuingPhileas Fogg to Hong Kong, and hopethat a warrant for his arrest will bethere when we arrive. Hong Kong is thelast English ground on which I mayarrest him, and if I lose him there, he islost to us forever. Detective Fix.

AOUDA (Sweetly): Mr. Fogg, I wish toacknowledge my debt of gratitude toyou for saving my life.

FOGG: As I explained to you, PrincessAouda, Passepartout was chieflyresponsible for that happy event.

AOUDA: Do you look upon it, then, as a“happy” event?

FOGG: Yes, madam, I do indeed. I shallbe sorry to see you leave us once wereach Hong Kong and you have accessto your relations.

AOUDA (Wistfully): I, too, shall be sorry,Mr. Fogg.

FOGG: October 30th. We reach theStrait of Malacca. On time. (Shortpause) October 31st. 4 a.m. We reachSingapore. On time. (Short pause) Fiveo’clock a.m., November 6th, we reach



Hong Kong. Due to mechanical difficul-ties, twenty-four hours behind sched-ule.

AOUDA: Do you make a record of everystop in your strange journey around theworld, Mr. Fogg?

FOGG: Yes, and I fear we shall not beable to make up the time lost. TheCarnatic, on which we were to havesailed for Yokohama, has alreadydeparted, according to my timetable.

PASSEPARTOUT: A whole day lost! Isthere no hope, Monsieur?

FOGG: We shall see. (Calling out) Pilot!Pilot!

PILOT: Yes, sir?

FOGG: Do you know when the nextsteamer will leave for Yokohama?

PILOT: High tide tomorrow morning, sir.

FOGG: Ah! And what is the steamer’sname?

PILOT: The Carnatic.

FOGG: But was she not to have goneyesterday?

PILOT: Yes, sir, but they had to repairone of her boilers, and so her departurewas postponed till tomorrow.

PASSEPARTOUT (Happily): Pilot, you arethe best of good fellows!

NARRATOR: The arrest warrant has notarrived, and seeing Phileas Fogg getaway from him infuriates DetectiveFix, who makes the following resolve.

FIX: I’ll get him yet, if it’s the last thingI do. Once he leaves Hong Kong, I’ve nopower over him. But he seems to be

serious about returning to England. I’lljust follow him, and the moment he setsfoot on British soil, I’ll arrest that noto-rious bank robber, Mr. Phileas Fogg!

NARRATOR: In addition to Fix’s plangoing awry in Hong Kong, another planconcerning the journey of Mr. Foggchanges. It is Fogg himself who breaksthe news to Princess Aouda.

FOGG: Miss Aouda, I have unhappynews for you.

AOUDA (Afraid): What is it, Mr. Fogg?

FOGG: The wealthy uncle with whomyou hoped to find shelter in Hong Kongresides here no longer. From all I havebeen able to learn, he has been gonefrom this place for two years, and nowresides in Holland.

AOUDA: What am I to do, Mr. Fogg?

FOGG (Firmly): It is very simple. Go onto Europe with us.

AOUDA: But I cannot intrude, Mr. Fogg.

FOGG: You do not intrude, nor do you inthe least embarrass my project.Passepartout!

PASSEPARTOUT: Yes, monsieur?

FOGG: Go to the Carnatic and engagethree cabins. Princess Aouda is comingwith us!

NARRATOR: And so the Princess joinedFogg and Passepartout on their voyage.The next destination was America.

FOGG: December 3rd. We arrive at SanFrancisco, on schedule. (Pause) Decem-ber 5th. We pass the Great Salt Lake,on schedule. (Pause) December 7th.Green River, Wyoming. An unsched-uled delay here, reason unknown. . . .

Conductor! What is the cause of thisdelay?

2ND CONDUCTOR: The bridge up aheadis weakened by snow. We dare not takethe train over it. If the bridge shouldsnap under the weight, it would meaninstant death for us all.

FOGG: I must continue this journeywithout delay. Here is a reward of fivehundred dollars. Put on the very high-est speed you have, and we’ll make itacross.

2ND CONDUCTOR (Tentatively): Well,sir—

FOGG: I’ll make that reward a thousanddollars!

2ND CONDUCTOR: Did you say a thou-sand? All aboard! All aboard!

NARRATOR: Following the advice of Mr.Fogg, the train moves forward with allthe speed it can muster. Faster andfaster and faster still it goes, till ithardly rests upon the rails at all. Like aflash they pass over the bridge! Thetrain leaps, so to speak, from bank tobank. Scarcely has the train passed theriver, when the bridge, completelyruined, falls with a crash down into therapids of Medicine Bow.

FOGG: December 11th. New York City,on time! (Pause) December 21st, twentyminutes before twelve noon. Liverpool,England. The eightieth day, and onlysix hours away from London.

FIX: How does it feel to have Englishsoil beneath your feet once again, Mr.Fogg?

FOGG (Coldly): I beg your pardon, sir.How do you know my name?

FIX: Then you are really Phileas Fogg?

FOGG: I am.

FIX: Ah, good. Mr. Phileas Fogg, I arrestyou in the Queen’s name!

NARRATOR: Six hours away from win-ning twenty thousand pounds, PhileasFogg is placed under arrest byDetective Fix, who has traveled aroundthe world to place him there. PhileasFogg is now in prison. Placing hiswatch on the table, he sees the secondsturn into minutes, the minutes intohours, and his dreams vanish with thepossibilities of reaching London by thespecified time. If he is honest, he isruined. If he is a knave, he is caught. Atthirty-three minutes past two, he hearsthe key turn in the lock of his cell andthe door is thrown open, revealingDetective Fix.

FIX (Breathlessly): Sir—sir. Forgive me.A—a most unfortunate resemblance.The robber was arrested three days ago.

FOGG (Calmly): Am I then free?

FIX: Yes, yes. You are free.

FOGG: As you have observed me closelyfor many days, Detective Fix, you havenoted that I am a man not given tophysical violence. Allow me to maketoday an exception.

NARRATOR: True to his words, Foggproceeds to strike a firm blow toDetective Fix, who has dogged himsince his departure from England.

FOGG: Out cold! Which is, consideringthe time, how my chances of yet win-ning the wager are.

NARRATOR: Having missed the regulartrain to London, Fogg, with Aouda andPassepartout, hires a special train totake him there. When they finallyreach the London terminus, the clocks


in the station all show the time to beten minutes before nine. Having madethe tour of the world, he is behind inreaching his goal by five minutes. Hehas lost the wager!

PASSEPARTOUT: Poor Monsieur Fogg!

AOUDA: It is so hard to realize that hehas lost his fortune. How is he taking it,Passepartout?

PASSEPARTOUT: I have no idea, madam.Ever since we arrived here in his houselast evening, he has confined himself tohis room.

AOUDA: If only we could cheer him. Ifonly—

FOGG: Passepartout.

AOUDA (Surprised): Mr. Fogg!

PASSEPARTOUT: Yes, monsieur.

FOGG: Will you be good enough to leaveme alone with this lady for a few min-utes?

PASSEPARTOUT: Certainly, monsieur.

FOGG: Madam, when I decided to bringyou far away from the country whichwas so unsafe for you, I was rich, andcounted on putting a portion of mywealth at your disposal. Now I amruined!

AOUDA: I know it, Mr. Fogg, and I askyou, in turn, to forgive me for havingdelayed you, and thus having con-tributed to your ruin. I am not con-cerned for myself, but what will becomeof you?

FOGG: I have need of nothing.

AOUDA: But your friends? Your rela-tives?

FOGG: I have none, madam.

AOUDA: I pity you, then, for solitude isa sad thing, Mr. Fogg, with no heart inwhich to confide your griefs. They say,though, that misery itself, shared bytwo sympathetic souls, may be bornewith patience.

FOGG: They say so, madam.

AOUDA: Mr. Fogg, do you wish at once akinswoman and a friend? Will you haveme for your wife?

FOGG (After a pause): I love you! Yes, byall that is holiest, I love you, and amentirely yours.

PASSEPARTOUT (Very excited): Mon-sieur! Monsieur!

FOGG: Ah, Passepartout. You are just intime to see me betrothed to this gra-cious lady.

PASSEPARTOUT: Sacre bleu! How won-derful! It seems that joy comes in pairs!

AOUDA: What do you mean?

PASSEPARTOUT: Monsieur, today is notSunday as you suppose! It is Saturday!

FOGG: Saturday? Impossible! Yesterdaywas Saturday!

PASSEPARTOUT: No, no, today isSaturday! By traveling always East, wegained a day’s time. You have won thewager! But you must hurry! It is twen-ty-five minutes before nine. You havebut ten minutes to reach the ReformClub. Hurry, Monsieur Fogg, hurry!

NARRATOR: Phileas Fogg dashes intothe street, hops into a cab, and is on hisway. Meanwhile, at the Reform Club...

STUART: He has lost, gentlemen.


FLANAGAN: One minute more, gentle-men. Fogg has one minute to makegood his claim.

RALPH: There’s no point in waiting. Hecan’t possibly have won.

FLANAGAN: Fifteen more seconds, gen-tlemen.

STUART: Give it up, Flanagan. Themoney is ours.

FLANAGAN: Five seconds more.

BUTLER (Announcing stiffly): Mr.Phileas Fogg!

STUART (Amazed): No!

FLANAGAN: Impossible!

RALPH: It can’t be!

FOGG: But it is! Here I am, gentlemen.The twenty thousand pounds are mine.Admit it! I have won the money fairlyand squarely, by doing what all of youconsidered impossible. I have gonearound the world in eighty days!

THE END

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Middle & Lower Grades

The Blind Men and the ElephantThis old Indian folktale tells us a lot about the

character and nature of many arguments in life. . . .

Adapted by Kathleen Palmer


NARRATOR

SIX BLIND MEN*

*Author’s Note: I used the title “BlindMen” to stay true to the original Indiantale, but casting male or female playersdoesn’t change the story line.

TIME: Long ago in India.

SETTING: Stage may be bare or, ifdesired, trees or any other outdoor setpieces may be added.

AT RISE: NARRATOR enters right,crosses center, and addresses audience.

NARRATOR: I have something that Iwish you all to think about. Have youever been in an argument with some-one? Of course you have! And when youhad this disagreement, did you boththink you were right and the other per-son was wrong? I know that I have.(After a beat) Have you ever wonderedif it is possible for both of you to beright at the very same time, eventhough you think differently? Listenand learn as six friends who are quar-

Characters reling try to decide which one of themis correct. (Waits a beat, stands upstraight) Ahem! Once upon a time, infaraway India, a group of six learnedfriends were discussing what an ele-phant might look like. They argued forhours, each claiming to know theanswer. However, what made this dis-cussion so special was that they wereblind, and therefore had never actuallyseen a real elephant. So how could theysolve this puzzling situation? Ah, herethey come now. . .(NARRATOR ges-tures as BLIND MEN enter right. Aseach enters, he crosses center, stops,and speaks. They stand in numericalorder across the stage. NARRATORstands at left, watching the action.)

1ST BLIND MAN: I believe I can de-scribe what an elephant looks likebecause I am the smartest of all of you.Although I have never actually seensuch an animal, I may have heardsomeone describe one long ago so I amcertain that I am correct about this!

2ND BLIND MAN (Questioningly):What? How can you say that? You can-not possibly know more than I do!

3RD BLIND MAN (Addressing 1ST

The Blind Men and the Elephant isprotected by U.S. copyright law. It is

unlawful to use this play in any way unlessyou are a current subscriber to PLAYSMagazine (www.playsmagazine.com).


BLIND MAN): Surely, you are not theonly one here who knows about suchthings! And who says that you are thesmartest, anyway? We are all quitelearned.

4TH BLIND MAN (Holding a hand up tohalt conversation): Stop, all of you! Iknow you may think you have theanswer, but I, on the other hand, trulyknow exactly what the animal lookslike! (Crossing arms to make a point)Someone told me about it! I heard thatit is fairly tall! At least I think that iswhat my friend told me. (Uncertainly)Or did he say it was fairly small? Tall?Small? I am sorry, but I can’t seem toremember after all. (Shrugging shoul-ders) Does it matter?

5TH BLIND MAN (To 4TH BLINDMAN): Does it matter, you ask? Ofcourse it matters. Tall and small arehardly the same thing. Anyway, canyou trust what someone else says?Perhaps whoever told you was justspinning a tale. How can you knowthat he or she was telling you thetruth? People do tell falsehoods. Infact, some lie all of the time.

6TH BLIND MAN: All right, friends,we’re getting nowhere. We have beendiscussing this for hours, yet we stillcannot agree on what an elephantlooks like. Is it large or small? Does ithave long fur or short? Does it havesharp teeth and claws? We have noidea. There must be a way to settle ourdispute. We have been friends for along time. We should not let this comebetween us. Let us think!

1ST BLIND MAN: You are right. Theremust be a way to end our argument.

2ND BLIND MAN: Yes, we need a reso-lution, but what do you suggest? (Allpace in circles for a few steps, shakingtheir heads as if in deep thought.)

3RD BLIND MAN (Stopping suddenly):Ah! I have it! We need to plan!

OTHERS (With anticipation; ad lib):Yes? What? Tell us! (Etc.)

3RD BLIND MAN: Well, first, let us stateexactly what we need to know.

4TH BLIND MAN: Very well! We wouldlike to know what the creature calledan elephant looks like. We may haveheard many things, but since all of usare blind we have not been able to seeone for ourselves.

5TH BLIND MAN: We may all have ourown ideas about it.

6TH BLIND MAN: But still we cannotagree!

1ST BLIND MAN: Then how do we findout for certain?

2ND BLIND MAN: Can we at least agreethat we are eager for the truth?

ALL OTHERS (Answering enthusiastical-ly): Yes!

3RD BLIND MAN: Yes, it is important. Itis knowledge that we seek, and trueknowledge always matters.

4TH BLIND MAN (Suddenly thinking):Then I know what we should do. Wemust find one of these strange crea-tures and investigate by touching it. Ifwe can touch it then perhaps we shouldbe able to tell what it is like.

5TH BLIND MAN: I agree. That is asplendid idea!

6TH BLIND MAN: Yes, an excellent sug-gestion!

NARRATOR (Crossing to them): Excuseme, my friends, but I couldn’t help but


overhear a part of your conversation. Ibelieve you may want to find some kindof a creature. May I help you?

1ST BLIND MAN: Yes, thank you, canyou tell us where we might find thestrange animal called an elephant?

2ND BLIND MAN: You see, since we areblind and cannot see such a beast withour own eyes, we cannot agree on whatone really looks like.

3RD BLIND MAN: So we would like to beable to touch a real one so that we canlearn what it is like. We think it is theonly way.

NARRATOR (Agreeably): Ah, that is agood idea! You are in luck. Someonehas brought one into the village. I hap-pen to see it tied right over there undera tree by the fence. Kindly step backwhile I fetch it for you. (Crosses rightand mimes untying an elephant andleading it over in front of BLIND MEN,who take two steps back. NARRATORshould make sure that the invisible ele-phant is positioned so that the “trunk”is in front of 1ST BLIND MAN.) There,the elephant is ready. I have put itright in front of you. All you need to dois step forward and touch it.

4TH BLIND MAN: Thank you verymuch. You are very kind and helpful.

NARRATOR: You are welcome. I hopeyou are successful. It is a magnificentelephant, if I do say so myself! (NAR-RATOR stands a few steps to the left ofthe line of actors.)

4TH BLIND MAN (To NARRATOR): I dohave one question before we begin.

NARRATOR: Certainly. What do youwish to know?

4TH BLIND MAN: Is it a large animal?

NARRATOR: Oh yes, quite a large beast.

4TH BLIND MAN (Very satisfied): Well,at least I was correct about that.Remember, I said it was tall.

1ST BLIND MAN (Raising an eyebrow):No, you did not say that at all! You saidit was tall or small.

4TH BLIND MAN (Shrugging shouldersinnocently): Then I was at least halfright.

1ST BLIND MAN (Rolling his eyes at4TH BLIND MAN and then continu-ing): Very well, now let us begin. I shalltry touching it first. (1ST BLIND MANsteps forward and mimes touching theelephant’s squirming trunk. It shouldlook like it is difficult to get a hold ofbecause the elephant is waving itstrunk around.)

NARRATOR: Now the First Blind Manstepped forward and happened totouch the elephant’s long squirmingtrunk.

1ST BLIND MAN: Oh my! This is inter-esting. Hmm, I am having difficultygetting hold of this elephant.

2ND BLIND MAN: Why is that?

1ST BLIND MAN: It squirms too much,but I think I know why. (Finally mimesgrasping the “invisible” trunk, runninghands over it) Ah, yes, I understandperfectly now. I know what this animalis. It winds and twists. The elephant isshaped like a snake! A long, thick,squirming snake! (Stepping back inplace in the line, satisfied)

2ND BLIND MAN: You think it is like asnake? That is a very interesting dis-covery! (Reaching out) Here, let me try.I should like to know for myself whatthis elephant “snake” feels like.


NARRATOR: And the Second Blind Manhappened to touch one of the elephant’shard ivory tusks.

2ND BLIND MAN (Miming runninghands up and over the tusk): What dowe have here? How very interesting! Itis sharp and pointed, and yet it issmooth. You were very wrong, Friend.It is not at all like a thick squirmingsnake. The elephant is like a spear, asharp, large spear. (Stepping back inplace) Yes, I am sure of it. It is a spear!

3RD BLIND MAN: This is quite puzzling!You are saying two such differentthings. One of you says it is like snakeand the other says it is like a spear?How can that be? A snake is not at alllike a spear. One of you must be wrong.(Stepping out) I shall be the one todecide. (Miming touching the ele-phant’s ear) Well, well. . .

NARRATOR: And the Third Blind Manstepped down and this time touchedthe elephant’s wide floppy ear.

3RD BLIND MAN (Miming touching theear): Yes, yes, it is thin, and flat, andlarge, and it moves easily. Even a blindman can tell what an elephant resem-bles most. I am certain that you areboth incorrect. It is not at all like asnake or a spear.

4TH BLIND MAN: Then what do youthink it is?

3RD BLIND MAN (Excitedly): It is quitesimple! The elephant is shaped like afan, a marvelous, large fan! (Steppingback in place) I know it sounds odd, butI am sure that it is like a fan.

4TH BLIND MAN (Annoyed): This isridiculous. How can it be a snake, afan, or a spear? You are all quite con-fused. It is clear that I must be the oneto decide. (Stepping out and reaching

out in front) I shall settle this at once!

NARRATOR: And the Fourth Blind Manhappened to touch the elephant’s largebroad side.

4TH BLIND MAN (Miming runninghands all over the elephant’s side):Bless me! It is quite large, quite largeindeed! And it is flat and wide and verysturdy! I know! I know what it is! Iknow! An elephant is shaped like awall, a large rough wall. (Returning toline) There, you see! I have settled it.

5TH BLIND MAN: You say it is a wall?How can it be? It seems that still noneof you can agree. Very well, I am next.I shall be the one to discover what itreally looks like. (Bending down andmiming touching up and down the leg)

NARRATOR: And the Fifth Blind Mantouched one of the elephant’s sturdyback legs, even finding the animal’sknee.

5TH BLIND MAN: Ah! No, you are allwrong. I know just what it is! It isexactly like a tree, a large sturdy tree.(Feeling the knee area) Aha! It even hasa knot where a branch might havebeen! (Standing back up and steppingback in place) Yes, the elephant is likea tree, a sturdy tree!

6TH BLIND MAN (Stepping out, con-fused): What is going on here? Youhave all tried, and yet none of you havethe same description. Is it a tree, awall, a snake, fan, or a spear?Nonsense! I shall be the one to decidesince no one else can agree.

NARRATOR: And the Sixth Blind Manreached out and touched the elephant’sthin swinging tail.

6TH BLIND MAN (Miming grabbing thetail with some difficulty and touching


it): Hmm. Well, it is thin and (Feelingthe end of the tail) it has a brush at thetip of it. There is no question in mymind. No question at all! The elephantis like a piece of rope, a long piece ofrope that is frayed at the tip. (Steppingback into place)

ALL (Very surprised): A rope?

1ST BLIND MAN: How can this be?

2ND BLIND MAN: We all touched theelephant.

3RD BLIND MAN: We all know what wefelt.

4TH BLIND MAN: And still we cannotagree.

NARRATOR: So each one of them hadtried to find out what the elephant wasreally like. They all touched it, but indifferent places, so still they disagreed.(BLIND MEN will step out and touchthe part that they had described earlier.After speaking their line, each freezes.)

1ST BLIND MAN: It is like a snake.

2ND BLIND MAN: It is like a spear.

3RD BLIND MAN: It is like a fan.

4TH BLIND MAN: It is like a wall.

5TH BLIND MAN: It is like a tree.

6TH BLIND MAN: It is like a rope.

NARRATOR: And so, ladies and gentle-men, there you have it. Since each oneof them touched the animal in a differ-ent place, each had a different opinion.So who was right and who was wrong?(BLIND MEN break freeze and moveright, still arguing, as NARRATORmimes leading the elephant to the left.)

1ST BLIND MAN: A rope? How silly! Ifound a snake. I know it was a snake.

2ND BLIND MAN: No, you are wrong. Itis like a spear, I tell you!

3RD BLIND MAN: Nonsense, a fan!Could you not tell it was a fan?

4TH BLIND MAN: How foolish you allare. It was plainly a wall!

5TH BLIND MAN: No, it wasn’t a wall atall. It was a tree! A rough large treewith a knot!

6TH BLIND MAN: You are all wrong. Itwas nothing but a spindly rope! (Stillarguing they all stop right, and afterspeaking their lines, they exit.)

1ST BLIND MAN: A snake...

2ND BLIND MAN: A spear...

3RD BLIND MAN: A fan!

4TH BLIND MAN: A wall...

5TH BLIND MAN: A tree...

6TH BLIND MAN: A rope...

NARRATOR (Crossing center): And so,my friends, isn’t that the way it issometimes when people disagree? Weargue even to the point of bitter anger.We argue and argue, oftentimes onlyseeing a small part of the argumentand not the whole of it. So each of usmay be very right and still each of usmay be very wrong—and all at thesame time. However, could it be thatwe are seeing only a small piece of theelephant? (Smiling) Next time thishappens to you, try touching more ofthe elephant. (Bowing and exiting)



The Case of the Glass SlipperIn this fun spoof of “Cinderella,” detectives search for a

missing shoe, and Ella and the Prince look for new jobs.

by Kate Wagner

ELLA, a young woman

CHARMING, Prince of the Kingdom

FARRAH, Ella’s Fairy Godmother

LAURA

NORA

HOMER HINKLEY

DORIS DINKLEY

HERALD

SCENE 1SETTING: A law office with two desks andchairs center. There is an empty chair infront on the right. Sign on wall reads,HINKLEY & DINKLEY, ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW.

AT RISE: HOMER HINKLEY sits at oneof the desks, writing on notepad. DORISDINKLEY sits at the other desk readinga book. HERALD enters and remainsstanding in same position throughout.

HERALD: Hear ye! Hear ye! Presentinghis Royal Highness, Prince Charming.(CHARMING enters, carrying a bag.HOMER and DORIS stand.)

Characters

Middle Grades

HOMER: Welcome to our law office,Prince. I’m Homer Hinkley.

DORIS: I’m Doris Dinkley. (Points toempty chair) Please have a seat.

HOMER: What may we do for you today?

CHARMING: I’m looking for a woman.

HOMER: Ah, I’m sure we can arrangefor a matchmaker to take care of that.

CHARMING: I’m looking for a specificwoman.

HOMER: Perhaps Princess Allana fromCartusia?

DORIS: I heard she has a crush on you.

CHARMING: Really? (Clears throat)Actually, I’m looking for a woman I metat the ball last night.

HOMER (Picking up pen and holding itover notebook): What’s her name?

CHARMING: I don’t know.

HOMER: Where does she live?

CHARMING: I don’t know.

The Case of the Glass Slipper is protected byU.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to use this playin any way unless you are a current subscriber toPLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com).

Ella’s stepsisters

attorneys

HOMER: Who are her friends?

CHARMING: I don’t know. (HOMER putspen down.)

DORIS: What do you know about her?

CHARMING: This is her shoe. (He pulls ashoe from bag and hands it to DORIS.)It fell off her foot as she was runningdown the stairs just when the clockstruck midnight.

HOMER: I’m sure our team of detectiveswill be able to track her down.

DORIS: Your Highness, how can we besure we’ve found the right woman?

CHARMING: Don’t worry. I will know herthe moment I see her. I could never for-get her face.

HOMER: Excellent.

DORIS: Leave it to us, Your RoyalHighness. (CHARMING stands, fol-lowed by HOMER and DORIS.)

CHARMING: It’s very important that youfind her soon, because she and I are get-ting married.

HOMER: Congratulations, Your Highness!

DORIS: Yes. Congratulations to you and(Looks down at shoe) the woman whowore this shoe.

CHARMING: Thank you.

DORIS: We’ll be in touch. (CHARMINGexits.)

HERALD: Hear ye, Hear ye, His RoyalHighness, Prince Charming, has left thebuilding. (Curtain)

* * *SCENE 2

SETTING: A living room. Chair, table,

and lamp are center.

AT RISE: ELLA is dusting. FARRAHenters but ELLA doesn’t notice her.

FARRAH: Hello!

ELLA (Looking up; surprised): Farrah!What brings you here?

FARRAH: I wanted to see how myfavorite goddaughter is doing. (ELLAputs down dustcloth.)

ELLA: And this has nothing to do withthe ball last night.

FARRAH: Of course not, but now that youmention it, how was it?

ELLA: It was fun. I laughed. I danced.

FARRAH: Did you meet anyone special?

ELLA: If by special you mean PrinceCharming, the answer is yes.

FARRAH: Do you have plans to meet himagain?

ELLA: He probably doesn’t even knowwho I am.

FARRAH: I can take care of that.

ELLA: Please don’t.

FARRAH: I’m confused. You like him,right?

ELLA: He’s nice.

FARRAH: Ella, why did you go to the ballif not to meet Prince Charming?

ELLA: I wanted to get out of this houseand meet new people.

FARRAH: Prince Charming is a new per-son.


ELLA: Who just happens to be single andwants to get married.

FARRAH: What’s wrong with that?

ELLA: That isn’t what I want, at least notnow.

FARRAH: What do you want?

ELLA: I’ve been thinking about that. Iwant a job.

FARRAH: A job? You realize that isn’thow this story goes.

ELLA: How does it go?

FARRAH: I help you go to the ball, youmeet Prince Charming, you get marriedand live happily ever after.

ELLA: Maybe we need to write a newstory.

FARRAH: And in this new story you meetPrince Charming and then you get ajob?

ELLA: Exactly.

FARRAH: What kind of job do you want?

ELLA: I’m not sure.

FARRAH: Wait. I think I have somethingthat can help. (Pulls electronic device outof pocket) O.K. Tell me about your skills.

ELLA: Let’s see. (Thinking) I have a goodmemory. And I listen to others well.(FARRAH enters this into device.)

FARRAH: Anything else?

ELLA: I pay attention to detail and I’mgood at solving puzzles. (FARRAH nods,stops texting, and hits a button.)

FARRAH: According to my Fairygod-

mother Job App, the best job for you is aprivate detective.

ELLA: A detective?

FARRAH: That’s what it says. (FARRAHshows ELLA the screen. ELLA thinks fora moment, then smiles.)

ELLA: Detective. I like that. (FARRAHreturns device to pocket.)

FARRAH: So, you want to be a privatedetective?

ELLA: Yes. Yes, I do.

FARRAH: I’ll help you. I know just themagical spell. (Pulls small wand out ofpocket, raises her arm as though she isabout to cast a spell)

ELLA (Reaching out to stop her): No!

FARRAH: What’s wrong?

ELLA: Thanks for the offer but I need todo this myself. (FARRAH returns wandto pocket.)

NORA (Offstage; nastily): Give me thenewspaper!

LAURA (Offstage): It’s my paper.

FARRAH: Is that your stepsisters? I justremembered I’m late for an appoint-ment.

ELLA: They’re not so bad, really.

FARRAH: Good luck with your job search,Ella. (FARRAH quickly exits just asNORA and LAURA, holding a newspa-per, enter. ELLA resumes dusting.)

LAURA (Reading from newspaper):Listen to this. The prince says that any-one with knowledge of the whereaboutsof this mystery woman is urged to con-


tact the law firm of Hinkley & Dinkley.

NORA: I can’t believe he said that.

LAURA: Some prince he turned out to be.(NORA and LAURA notice ELLA.) Ella,aren’t you done dusting yet?

ELLA: Not quite, Laura. Say, what’s thelatest news with the glass slippers?

LAURA: Detectives are still looking forthe woman who wore them.

NORA: I don’t think they’re doing a verygood job.

ELLA: What makes you say that, Nora?

NORA: They should have found her bynow. They’ve tried the slipper on everywoman in the kingdom.

ELLA: Not me.

LAURA: You? Why would they?

NORA: Only those of us who were at theball tried it on.

ELLA: Yet it didn’t fit anyone.

NORA: It almost fit me.

LAURA: It was just the tiniest bit snugon my foot.

NORA: It cut off your circulation so badyour foot turned blue.

ELLA: This case of the glass slipper isquite puzzling.

NORA: I bet this woman with glass slip-pers doesn’t even exist.

ELLA: I’m done with my dusting. Is thereanything else you need me to do?

LAURA: Not now. We’re going shopping

this afternoon.

ELLA: In that case, I have something Ineed to do. (Puts dust cloth on table)

NORA: Where are you going?

ELLA: To get a job. (NORA and ELLAlaugh as she exit.)

LAURA: A job?

NORA: That’s too funny. (Curtain)* * *

SCENE 3SETTING: Same as Scene 1.

AT RISE:HOMER and DORIS are sittingbehind desks. CHARMING is sitting inchair. HERALD is standing next to door.

CHARMING: Why haven’t you found heryet?

DORIS: Our detectives are doing every-thing they can.

CHARMING: If you don’t find her by fiveo’clock today, I’m going to hire anotherfirm.

HOMER: No reason to do that, YourRoyal Highness. We’ll find her.

CHARMING: You’d better. Good day.(Rises and heads to door. As he stepsacross the threshold he bumps intoELLA, who has her hands hiddenbehind her back.) Sorry, Miss.

ELLA: No problem.

CHARMING: Have a nice day. (He bowsslightly as he walks away, ELLA turningto watch him.)

HERALD: Hear ye! Hear ye! PrinceCharming has left the building. (HER-ALD exits. HOMER picks up a pen andbegins writing in notebook. DORIS


opens book and starts reading. ELLAenters, keeping her back hidden to theaudience throughout.)

ELLA: Is this the law office of Hinkleyand Dinkley? (HOMER and DORIS lookup at ELLA.)

HOMER: It is, but we’re very busy rightnow.

DORIS: Come back later and we’ll be ableto help you. (HOMER and DORISreturn to writing and reading.)

ELLA: I’m not here for your help. I’mhere to help you find the girl with theglass slipper.

HOMER: We have detectives on the case.I’m confident they’ll find her any minutenow.

ELLA: I’ve already found her.

HOMER: You and the hundred other peo-ple who contacted us this morning.

ELLA: I’ll bet none of those people havethe matching glass slipper. (HOMERand DORIS look up at ELLA at the sametime. ELLA brings her hands in front,one of which holds a shoe.)

HOMER: Could it be? (He stands up andwalks over to ELLA. He carefully looksat the shoe.) It does appear to be thetwin to the one the prince gave us.

DORIS: Where did you get that?

ELLA (Waving her hand): That’s notimportant. I came here to arrange ameeting between the prince and thewoman who lost this slipper last night.

HOMER: Just give us the woman’s nameand the slipper. (HOMER reaches forshoe but ELLA pulls it back from him.)

ELLA: Have the prince come to the fol-lowing address this afternoon. (ELLApulls a piece of paper out of the shoe andhands it to HOMER.)

HOMER: This is highly irregular.

DORIS: She does have the glass slipper,Homer.

HOMER: O.K., we’ll do as you ask.

ELLA: One more thing.

DORIS: What’s that?

ELLA: I want you to hire me as a privatedetective.

DORIS: I don’t think we can, but we dohave an opening for an office assistant.

ELLA: It’s detective or nothing.

HOMER: All right. But it’s contingent onthe prince being satisfied with the out-come.

ELLA: That’s fair. Just give him the note.(Exits as curtain falls)

* * *SCENE 4

SETTING: Same as Scene 2. Ella’s shoe ison the table.

AT RISE: ELLA is standing center, inbare or stocking feet. HERALD is inroom next to doorway.

HERALD: Hear ye! Hear ye! Presentinghis Royal Highness, Prince Charming.(CHARMING enters, holding the othershoe. HERALD remains standing insame place throughout.)

CHARMING: I was told to come to thisaddress.

ELLA: I was expecting you. I’m Ella,please come in.


CHARMING: I understand you knowwhere the woman who wore this shoe is?(Holds up shoe)

ELLA: Yes, I do.

CHARMING: Could you please tell mewhere I might find her?

ELLA: She’s right here. (CHARMINGlooks around the room.)

CHARMING: I don’t see anyone else.

ELLA: That’s because it’s me. I’m the girlwith the glass slipper. (She picks up theshoe on the table and puts it on.) If I mayhave the other shoe, please. (CHARM-ING hands her the other shoe and sheputs that shoe on. She then clicks herheels together.) See? It’s me.

CHARMING: It really is. Why didn’t I rec-ognize you?

ELLA: It just goes to show what make-upand a nice dress will do for you.

CHARMING: No matter with that. I needto go tell my parents. They’re expectingus to get married.

ELLA: You want to marry me?

CHARMING: Of course. By this time nextyear we’ll be married. (ELLA looksdown, pauses and then looks back up.)

ELLA: Next year? A whole year away?Why wait? Why not sooner? Next monthor next week. Better yet, let’s get mar-ried this afternoon.

CHARMING: This afternoon? Why I hard-ly know you.

ELLA: Then how do you know you wantto marry me?

CHARMING: That’s the way the story

goes, isn’t it?

ELLA: Not if we don’t want it to.

CHARMING: So, what do we do instead?

ELLA: I’m starting a job tomorrow. Whatabout you? Is there something you’vealways wanted to do?

CHARMING: I’ve never told this to any-one, but I’d like to be a paleontologist.Sometimes I go for walks in the desert tolook for fossils and then I bring themhome and study them.

ELLA: Do you look for dinosaur bones?

CHARMING: All sorts of animals but thedinosaurs are the most exciting. There’sa lot you can learn from fossils.

ELLA: And that’s what you want to do?

CHARMING: Sure, but I don’t think myparents would approve.

ELLA: It’s your life.

CHARMING: You’re right. Tonight I’mgoing to tell them that I want to be apaleontologist.

ELLA: Good for you.

CHARMING: I’m glad I met you at theball last night, Ella.

ELLA: Me, too. Can you do me a favorand stop by the offices of Hinkley &Dinkley and tell them the slipper situa-tion ended satisfactorily?

CHARMING: Will do. So long. (He exits.)

HERALD: Hear ye! Hear ye! His RoyalHighness Prince Charming has left thebuilding. (HERALD exits. FARRAHenters, but ELLA doesn’t see her.)


FARRAH: How are you, Ella?

ELLA (Startled): Why can’t you knock atthe door like everyone else?

FARRAH: Because I’m not like everyoneelse. Is everything with you and PrinceCharming settled?

ELLA: Yes, it is. I’m going to become aprivate detective and he’s going tobecome a paleontologist.

FARRAH: That certainly is a differentstory—but an interesting one.

ELLA: I’m glad you see it that way.

FARRAH: Is there anything I can do foryou?

ELLA (Thinking for a moment): I need tobuy some clothes for work. Do you wantto come along shopping?

FARRAH: Sorry, I can’t. I’m here on mycoffee break. I started a job today.

ELLA (Surprised): A job?

FARRAH: I’m the new assistant at thelaw office of Hinkley & Dinkley.

NORA (Loudly, offstage): It’s my newspa-per.

LAURA (Offstage): But I want to read it.

FARRAH: I’ve got to run. I’ll see you atthe office tomorrow. (FARRAH quicklyexits just as LAURA and NORA enter.LAURA holds newspaper.)NORA: Ella. Did you hear the latest?

ELLA: About the girl with the glass slip-per?

NORA: No, that’s yesterday’s news.Turns out the Prince just wanted to

return the slipper to her.

LAURA: The news today is that theEmperor’s new clothes were stolen.

ELLA: By whom?

LAURA: Nobody knows. (Reads fromnewspaper) The Emperor has hired thelaw firm of Hinkley & Dinkley to inves-tigate the matter.

ELLA: You don’t say.

NORA (Looking down at ELLA’s shoes):Hey, those are cute shoes, Ella.

ELLA: Thank you, Nora. By the way, I’vegot some news of my own. I found a job.

LAURA: You already have a job cookingand cleaning for us. We just don’t payyou for it.

ELLA: Well, starting tomorrow I’m goingto be working full time as a privatedetective at the law firm of Hinkley &Dinkley.

NORA: If you’re working full time, who’lldo the cooking and cleaning here?

ELLA: Maybe we can take turns doing it.

LAURA: Take turns?

ELLA: We’ll talk about it later. Right nowI’ve got something to do.

NORA: I don’t understand. Where areyou going?

ELLA: To solve the case of the Emperor’snew clothes. (NORA and LAURA,dumbfounded, watch as ELLA exits,happily. Curtain)



PRODUCTION NOTESThe Case of the Glass Slipper

(Play on pages 35-41)CHARACTERS: 5 female, 2 male, 1 maleor female.PLAYING TIME: 15 minutes.COSTUMES: Modern day, casual.Farrah’s outfit needs a pocket bigenough for a wand and electronic device.PROPERTIES: Book, newspaper, notebookand pen, small piece of paper, dustingcloth, a pair of women’s shoes.SETTING: Scenes 1 and 3, law office withtwo desks and chairs in center facing

audience. Additional chair in front ofone desk allows actor in chair to faceboth the audience and the lawyers. Wallsign reading, HINKLEY & DINKLEY,ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW. Scenes 2 and 4, liv-ing room with chair in middle, a floorlamp and small table beside the chair.For all scenes there should be designat-ed entry/exit spots that actors will useas doorways.LIGHTING and SOUND: No special effects.


CHARACTERS: 7 male or female.PLAYING TIME: 15 minutes.COSTUMES: Players wear sunglassesand may use sheets pinned at theshoulder as robes.

PROPERTIES: None.SETTING: Bare stage.LIGHTING and SOUND: No specialeffects.

The Blind Men and the Elephant(Play on pages 30-34)

Crossing the Rubicon(Play on pages 9-18)

ancilla—slaveavia—grandmotheravunculus—unclebellum—warcara mea—my dearcena—dinnercoquus—cookdomina(ae)—lady/ladiesdominus—masterfamilia—familygarum—fish sauce

gratias—thank youhortus—gardenita vera—so trueita vero—yesliberta—freedwomanmaritus—husbandmater—mothermedicus—doctormilites—soldiersmortus—deadoptima—grand

ova—eggspanis—breadpater—fatherpoculum—cupridiculum—ridiculoussenex—old manstultus—stupiduxor—wifevinum—wine

CHARACTERS: 4 male, 4 female, 2male or female.PLAYING TIME: 25 minutes.COSTUMES: Ancient Roman. Marcusand Marcella’s play clothes are dirtyand dishevelled. Avunculus adds bat-tle accessories (helmet, sword, etc.)

in Scene 2.PROPERTIES: Basket of herbs.SETTING: Atrium in Roman villa,with benches, plants, etc.LIGHTING: No special effects.SOUND: Knock at door.

* * *Latin words and phrases used in “Crossing the Rubicon”


Polly Pureheart PrevailsFun melodrama with twisting moustache, true love,

and greedy landlord. Boo, hiss, curses, foiled again!

by Marilee Jackson

DEXTER DO-GOOD, hero

WESLEY WICKED, infamous land-

lord

POLLY PUREHEART, a girl of high

moral standing

MOTHER PUREHEART, Polly’s

long-suffering mother

FATHER PUREHEART, Polly’s for-

getful father

MOLLY MISUNDERSTOOD

GERTRUDE GOSSIP

MANFRED MONEYBAGS, banker

STAGE MANAGER, narrator

SCENE 1BEFORE RISE: STAGE MANAGER entersfrom between closed curtains. Lights up.

MANAGER: Good evening, ladies andgentlemen. Before we begin our show, Iam pleased to present to you the cast.This is a melodrama, after all, and in amelodrama, it is helpful to know whomto applaud (Holds up sign reading,CHEERS, APPLAUSE!, and encourages

Characters

Middle Grades

audience to respond) and whom to boo(Holds up sign reading, BOO, HISS! andwaits for audience to respond). Thankyou. (During introductions, each charac-ter enters through closed curtains,recites, and exits across stage andbehind curtains.) This is Polly Pure-heart. She is the good and true heroineof the story. (Holds up sign for cheering)

POLLY: I have never had an unkindthought in my whole life!

MANAGER: This is Mother Pureheart.She is Polly’s mother and is long-suffer-ing, from years of poverty.

MOTHER: Oh, how I suffer. And suffer,and suffer, and. . .

MANAGER (Interrupting): Thank you,Mother Pureheart. This is FatherPureheart. He’s a forgetful, poverty-stricken man who has waited 20 yearsto see his ship come in. Would you intro-duce yourself, sir?

FATHER (Scratching head): I’d like to,but I can’t remember who I am.

MANAGER: Pureheart, sir. ValiantPureheart. That’s your wife over there.

Polly Pureheart Prevails is protected byU.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to usethis play in any way unless you are acurrent subscriber to PLAYS Magazine(www.playsmagazine.com).

FATHER: It is? Well, as I always say,ignorance is bliss.

MANAGER: And this is Gertrude Gossip.I guess I don’t have to explain muchabout her.

GERTRUDE: I like to think of myself asthe local newspaper, since we don’t havea newspaper. Bad news is my specialty.It is so much more interesting.

MANAGER: And this is the hero of ourstory, Dexter Do-Good. (Waves cheeringsign wildly) Like most heroes in a melo-drama, he doesn’t really do anything butmake an appearance in times of troubleand say—

DEXTER: Never fear! Dexter Do-Good ishere!

MANAGER: Of course, there has to be avillain, and for our show, it is WesleyWicked. (Waves booing sign wildly)

WESLEY: Heh, heh, where there is mis-chief to be made, I am your man.Nobody does it (With emphasis) badder.

MANAGER: Gives you chills, doesn’t he?Now, the mystery woman of our play isMolly Misunderstood.

MOLLY: Please forgive me! Can you everforgive me? I beg you, forgive me!

MANAGER: Psst. Molly, they haven’tseen the play yet.

MOLLY: Oh. I just don’t want to be mis-understood. I mean, I am misunder-stood, that’s my name, but—

MANAGER: Thank you, Molly. Last, butnot least, we have the town banker,Manfred Moneybags. He doesn’t haveany vices or virtues; he just runs hiserrands throughout the play.

MANFRED: Why, I deliver the news thatsaves the day. I’d say that’s a prettyimportant part!

MANAGER: Well, there’s our cast. Enjoythe show! (Lights out)

* * *SETTING: Pureheart home. The room isbare except for three chairs and largepile of dirty clothes on the floor.

AT RISE: POLLY paces, wringing herhands. MOTHER and FATHER sit inchairs. MOTHER holds loaf of bread,FATHER has his head in his hands.MANAGER stands at the side in audi-ence’s view, with two instructional signs.

POLLY: Oh, Mother. If only the landlordwould extend our credit one more week!

MOTHER (Holding up bread): This is ourlast loaf of bread. What will we dotomorrow?

FATHER: Don’t worry, my dear.Tomorrow is still a week away. I willthink of something.

POLLY: If only Father’s ship would findits way home.

GERTRUDE (Bursting in with a basket ofdirty clothes): More laundry, Miss Polly.

POLLY: Oh, Gertrude, we have no morecoal and without coal I cannot heat thewater, and without hot water, how am Ito do the laundry, and if I can’t take inlaundry, how am I to pay rent? Woe!

MOTHER (Cupping hand to ear): Hark!Footsteps! Could it be. . .(Villain music)

POLLY: The landlord! (MANAGER holdsup booing sign as WESLEY sticks hishead through door.)

WESLEY (Twisting mustache): I’ve comefor the rent!


POLLY: I can’t pay the rent!

WESLEY: You must pay the rent!

MOTHER: We can’t pay the rent!

WESLEY: You won’t pay the rent?

FATHER: Does someone owe the rent?

POLLY (Pleading): Please, sir. May wehave a bit more time? Our ship willcome soon.

WESLEY: I say noon tomorrow. No later.Wesley Wicked is my name, and collect-ing rent is my game. Pay up! (Booingsign)

POLLY: How did you become so cruel?

MOTHER: I feel sorry for you, WesleyWicked. And if I were your mother, I’dbe so ashamed of you.

WESLEY (Sarcastically): Madam! Youwound me to the core. (Seriously) But Iam glad you brought up the subject. Itgives me a chance to tell you my sadstory. (MANAGER pretends to play aviolin to sad music. WESLEY kneels onone knee.) I never had a mother.

MOTHER (Shocked): No mother?

WESLEY (Hand over heart): I never hada father!

FATHER (In disbelief): No father?

WESLEY (Clasping hands together dra-matically): No one to tuck me into bed atnight. No one to say, “There, there, littleboy, I’m proud of you.”

POLLY (With feeling): How sad!

MOTHER: How awful!

GERTRUDE (Brightly): How news-wor-

thy! Everyone loves the story of a poor,abandoned child. No wonder he wentbad! (Knock at door is heard.)

POLLY: Who’s there?

DEXTER (From outside): Dexter Do-Good!

WESLEY (Waving fist in air): Curses!This is where I exit. I’ll be back tomor-row. Pay up or else! (DEXTER enters.WESLEY hisses, pushes past him, exits.)

POLLY (Wringing hands): Oh, woe is me!What is to become of us?

DEXTER (Striking a heroic pose): Neverfear! Dexter Do-Good is here! (Cheeringsign. Curtain closes. MANAGER comescenter.)

MANAGER: As we return to our sad littlestory, we find our heroine contemplatingher fate. Will Wesley do the dastardlydeed? Will Gertrude get the scoop? WillPolly Pureheart prevail? Let us cheerher on! (Holds up cheering sign, thenmoves to side of stage. Curtain opens.)

* * *SCENE 2

SETTING: Same as last scene.

AT RISE: POLLY and DEXTER are in adramatic hand-holding pose.

DEXTER: Polly, I will find a way to saveyour family, or my name is not (Handover heart, looking up to ceiling) DexterDo-Good! (Cheering sign. Knock at dooris heard.)

POLLY (Alarmed): Who is it?

WESLEY (From outside, in falsetto): It isI—Grandma Goodin. (WESLEY enters,in dark wig and a dress over his pants,which stick out from hem. He carries abasket of food. He wobbles on high heels.)I came to bring some food and drink toyour forgetful father and your long-suf-


fering mother. (Booing sign. WESLEYputs finger to lips, attempting to silenceaudience.)

POLLY (Oblivious to booing): Enter, dearlady. Thank you for your generosity.

DEXTER (To audience): GrandmaGoodin? I’ve not heard of this woman.(Knock at door. MANFRED enters.)

MANFRED: Good day, Miss Polly. I bringyou (Dramatically) bad news. Yourfather’s ship capsized. The cargo oftreasure is lost.

POLLY: Lost? Oh, what shall we do? PoorFather. Poor Mother. (WESLEY twirlsmustache and wickedly raises eyebrowstwice. Booing sign.)

MANFRED: Who is that woman with themustache?

POLLY: Grandma Goodin. She has cometo offer charity. And now we shall needit, more than ever!

MANFRED: I must be going. (Leans overdramatically; in a stage whisper) Takecare, Dexter. Mistress Goodin may be awolf in Grandma’s clothing.

DEXTER (In a stage whisper): Thank youfor the warning, sir. Never fear! DexterDo-Good is here! (Cheering sign. AsMANFRED exits, WESLEY curtsies.)

POLLY: Dexter, won’t you please helpMistress Goodin with her basket? Itlooks so heavy.

DEXTER: It would be my pleasure. (DEX-TER approaches and deftly whips offWESLEY’s wig.) Aha! Charlatan!

WESLEY: Foiled! I should have worn theblond wig! (Chase ensues to fast music.DEXTER chases WESLEY, then thereverse. POLLY raises hands in dismay,

crying “Help! Help!” Finally, WESLEYgrabs large pillowcase from laundry bas-ket and slips it over DEXTER’s head.)

DEXTER (Muffled): Help! Help!

POLLY (Pointing at WESLEY): Releasehim, you villain!

WESLEY: Why should I? I think a littletrip to the country would be nice. Somefresh air would do him good! Heh, heh.

DEXTER: Mmmfff, mmmmff.

POLLY: And then?

WESLEY: You have until sunset tomor-row. If your rent has been paid by then,I will return him and you may keep thehouse. If not—(Twirls mustache menac-ingly) heh, heh. (Booing sign. Curtain.MANAGER comes center.)

MANAGER: We’re about to begin SceneThree. It is almost sunset! Will Dexterescape from Wesley Wicked? Is it toolate for Polly? Will Father rememberwhat day it is? Let us join thePurehearts as they ponder their fate.(MANAGER goes to side of stage.Curtain opens.)

* * *SCENE 3

SETTING: Same as last scene.

AT RISE: MOTHER and FATHER areseated. POLLY is pacing.

POLLY: Alas, the rent is due today, andwe are as poor as we were yesterday.

MOTHER: Oh, Polly, what will happen tous? If only your brother—(Covers mouthdramatically and looks at audience)

POLLY (Stunned): My brother? (Urgent-ly) I have a brother?

FATHER (Confused): She has a brother?


MOTHER: It is a sad story, dear child.Your father and I gave up looking forhim years ago.

POLLY: Looking for whom?

MOTHER: Your twin brother. He wasstolen the night you were born. When Iwent to sleep that fateful night therewere two of you in the nursery. When Iawoke, there was one.

POLLY (Covering eyes and sobbing): Oh,poor, poor Brother! (Knock at door)

FATHER: A visitor? At this hour? Whattime is it, anyway?

MOLLY (Entering): It is Molly Misunder-stood. I must see you.

POLLY: Come in, do. We would offer youa cup of tea, but we have only the cup.

MOLLY: I’m not here for tea. I am hereto—(Dramatic music. MOLLY placesback of her palm against forehead.) con-fess.

FATHER: Molly Misunderstood? I feel mymemory returning. Didn’t we have anurse by that name once?

MOTHER: We did!

MOLLY: And that is where my storybegins. On the day that dear Polly andlittle Ollie were born—

FATHER (Interrupting): We named ourson Ollie?

MOTHER (Impatiently): Yes, yes, go on!

MOLLY: I was jealous, because you hadtwo lovely babies and I had none. So I(Dramatic music is heard.) took him.(MOTHER, FATHER, and POLLY gasp.)I told my husband that I found him out-side our door, a poor little orphan. But

he said we could not afford a child andthat we could not keep him. What was Ito do? I could not return him to youwithout explaining my terrible deed. SoI left him outside the orphanage. (Knockat door; GERTRUDE enters.)

GERTRUDE: More laundry, Miss Polly.Any news? Bad news will do. (Anotherknock at door)

FATHER: Now who? (WESLEY enters inoriginal costume. Booing sign)

WESLEY: I have come for the rent!

POLLY: Where is Mr. Do-Good? Whathave you done with him? (DEXTERbursts through door. Cheering sign)

DEXTER: I am here, Polly. I escapedWesley’s evil clutches last evening. Itwas I who retraced the news of yourfather’s sunken ship, only to find it wasall a lie. (Points to WESLEY) He made itup to trick you.

WESLEY: Too bad. So sad. Pay up, PollyPureheart! (Another knock at door)

MANFRED (Bursting in): I hope I am nottoo late! I have just received word, Mr.Pureheart. Your ship arrived safely, andyour fortune is secure! (Cheering sign)

WESLEY: Curses! Doubly foiled!

MOTHER (Embracing POLLY): We willnever be hungry again!

MOLLY: I have even more importantnews!

FATHER: What could be more importantthan food?

MANFRED: What could be more impor-tant than a chest full of riches? Unless,of course, it’s . . .


PRODUCTION NOTESPolly Pureheart Prevails

GERTRUDE and MANFRED (In unison):Little Ollie!

POLLY: You knew, too? Was I the onlyone who didn’t know the truth about mylong-lost brother?

MOLLY: No one knows the truth, exceptfor me. Won’t anyone listen to me?

WESLEY: Truth and I have no businessin the same room. Since I am a very badloser, I will be leaving. I have other fore-closures to make. . .other lives to ruin.(Sighs) Life must go on.

MOLLY: Not so fast, Wesley Wicked. . .although that is not your true name.

WESLEY: Not my true name? How do youknow that?

MOLLY: Because I was the nurse whodelivered the cod liver oil to your bed-side last winter when you ate too manytarts. And as I lifted your head to thespoon, I saw it.

WESLEY: Saw what?

MOLLY: The locket!

MOTHER (Suddenly): The lockets! I’d for-gotten! I put one on each twin the daythey were born. One gold and one silver.

POLLY: Why, yes, dear Mother. I have

the gold one, right here. I never take itoff. (She pulls it out from her shirt.)

WESLEY (Pulling out silver locket fromhis shirt): Great stars! Can it be? (Armsoutspread) Momsie!

MOTHER: Son! (They embrace.)

WESLEY (To POLLY; tentatively): Sister?

POLLY (Embracing him): Dear Brother!

WESLEY (Kneeling, head on FATHER’sknee): Daddy!

MANFRED (To audience): A happy end-ing for all!

GERTRUDE (Disappointed): Too bad. Un-happy endings make much better news.

MANAGER (Coming center): And so, asthe sun sinks into the west, the saga ofPolly Pureheart comes to a close. Good-ness has triumphed. What was lost hasbeen found. One thing remains in ourmelodrama, however. We must have ourstory of boy gets girl. (POLLY bats eye-lashes at DEXTER, who doesn’t notice.MANAGER clears throat loudly.) Boygets girl . . .

DEXTER (Raising finger in air as he final-ly gets hint): Never fear! Dexter Do-Goodis here! (POLLY and DEXTER embrace.Curtain)

THE END


CHARACTERS: 4 female; 4 male; 1 male orfemale.PLAYING TIME: 20 minutes.COSTUMES: Purehearts are in rags. Pollywears gold locket. Wesley has handlebarmustache and wears shirt and pants exceptin Scene 2, when he dons dark wig and dressover his pants, and high heels. He also wearssilver locket, concealed under his shirt. Allothers wear appropriate costumes.

PROPERTIES: Two signs, one reading, BOO,HISS!, the other, CHEERS, APPLAUSE! Loaf ofbread. Basket of dirty clothes, with large pil-lowcase on top. Pencil and notepad. Basket offood.SETTING: Pureheart home. The room is bareexcept for three chairs and large pile of dirtyclothes on the floor.LIGHTING: No special effects.SOUND: Knocking on door.

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