Pet Loss and College Students Jessica Terwilliger, MA June 2, 2011.

Pet Loss and College Students

Jessica Terwilliger, MAJune 2, 2011

Why should therapists care about pet loss?

• Scope of pet ownership in the United States• Brief lifespan of companion animals• Roles that companion animals play in human

lives• Ethical principles

Understanding Pet Loss

• Grief Responses After the Loss of a Pet• Human-Animal Bonds• Disenfranchised Grief

Understanding Pet Loss:Grief Responses After the Loss of a Pet “I knew I’d miss him, but I never dreamed just

how much. I don’t care about anything else right now, not my job, not my family, nothing. Nothing else matters. I just want [my pet] back. There is this big hole, empty place, in me and in my life and nothing has any appeal…. I wish I could think of something that could take it away, but nothing can” (Carmack, 1985, p. 149).

Understanding Pet Loss:Grief Responses After the Loss of a Pet• Research suggests that, for many people, the

grief experienced after the loss of a pet is analogous to the grief experienced after the loss of an important human companion such as a parent, child, or spouse. At 2 weeks and 26 weeks post-loss, individuals grieving the loss of a companion animal and individuals grieving the loss of another human experience similar levels of anger, despair, social isolation, rumination, depersonalization, somatization, loss of control, and death anxiety (Gerwolls & Labott, 1994).

Understanding Pet Loss:Grief Responses After the Loss of a Pet• Surveys of bereaved pet owners (e.g., Wrobel & Dye, 2003; Archer & Winchester,

1994) indicate that common grief reactions include:• Numbness/disbelief.• Preoccupation with the loss or with memories of the pet.• An urge to search for the lost pet.• Being drawn to reminders of the lost pet.• Anger/irritability.• Depressed mood.• Hopelessness.• Anxiety.• Crying.• Loneliness. • Guilt. • Somatic symptoms (e.g., physical pain, the feeling of a lump in one’s throat).

• The majority of participants indicated that the loss of their pet had significantly impacted their lives (Archer & Winchester, 1994).

• Although grief symptoms subsided over time for many participants, for a considerable number of participants, grief symptoms persisted for up to a year after the loss (Wrobel & Dye, 2003).

Understanding Pet Loss:Grief Responses After the Loss of a Pet

Factors that may influence grief responses after the loss of a pet include:• Previous losses.• Personal beliefs about the appropriateness of

grieving.• Attachment strength and style.• Perceived social support.• Gender.• Age.• Circumstances surrounding the death.

Understanding Pet Loss:Human-Animal Bonds

“Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.”

– George Eliot

“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”– Colette


• Throughout the course of history, animals have filled diverse and integral roles in human lives: utilitarian workers; sources of sustenance; spiritual guides or guardians; curative forces and dispensers of healing; agents of socialization; connections to the natural world; and sources of social support and physical comfort (Serpell, 2000).

• In recent years, scholars and laypeople have given greater attention to the non-utilitarian and personalized relationships between animals and human beings.


• The meaning that contemporary pet owners ascribe to the relationships they share with their companion animals may vary, yet it is not uncommon for people to describe their pet as a “child,” a “loved one,” a “best friend,” “family,” a “soul mate” or meaning “everything” to them (Archer & Winchester, 1994; Carmack, 2003).

• Like human companions, animal companions may serve as attachment figures, providing individuals with a sense of comfort and security when faced with distressing or threatening events (Holmes, 1994).


• Although relationships with animals may be similar in some ways to relationships with human beings, the animal-human relationship can offer things that may be lacking in human-human relationships.• “Abiding presence” (Carmack,

2003)• Unconditional acceptance• Expression of different parts of

the self

Understanding Pet Loss:Disenfranchised Grief

“There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“I measure every grief I meet with narrow, probing eyes – I wonder if it weight like mine or has an easier size.” – Emily Dickinson


Disenfranchised grief occurs when bereaved individuals are not permitted the “right to grieve” (Doka, 2002, p. 5). Grief may become disenfranchised when:

• The relationship is not recognized or regarded as valid.• The importance of the relationship is not appreciated. • The loss isn’t the result of a human death.• The bereaved individual does not grieve as others

expect him/her to grieve.• The type or cause of death results in decreased

support.


Disenfranchised grief may fundamentally be understood as a form of empathic failure (Neimeyer & Jordan, 2002). Empathic failures may arise at multiple interfaces:

• Between the bereaved individual and others.• Between the bereaved individual and spiritual forces.• Within the bereaved individual.

How Can Counselors Help?


• Recognize and affirm the relationships clients share with their companion animals.


• Normalize clients’ experiences by providing psychoeducation about human-animal bonds, grief processes, and grief reactions after the loss of a pet.


• Support clients in developing positive coping skills for managing grief symptoms.


• Provide clients with a space in which they may share memories of their pet.


• Support clients in exploring, making meaning of, and finding peace in “special topics” related to pet loss.

• Euthanasia• Getting a new pet• Spiritual issues


• Support clients in learning how to reinvest in life while maintaining a connection and developing a new relationship with the departed pet.

• Creative memorials• Outreach• Reevaluation of values/priorities and engagement in

the world that is consonant with lessons learned from the companion animal


• Support clients in developing and implementing grief/bereavement rituals.


• Introduce clients to pet loss resources to utilize outside of individual therapy sessions (e.g., books, websites, support groups).

Pet Loss ResourcesBooks• Allen, M.A. (2007). Coping with sorrow on the loss of your pet (3rd ed.).

Dog Ear Publishing.• Anderson, A. & Anderson, L. (2008). Saying goodbye to your angel

animals: Finding comfort after losing your pet. Novato, CA: New World Library.

• Carmack, B.J. (2003). Grieving the death of a pet. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress.

• Greene, L.A. & Landis, J. (2002). Saying goodbye to the pet you love: A complete resource to help you heal. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

• Harris, E. (1997). Pet loss: A spiritual guide. St. Paul, MN: Llewellyn Publications.

• Harris, J. (2002). Pet loss: A spiritual guide. New York, NY: Lantern Books.• Kaufman, J. (1999). Crossing the Rubicon: Celebrating the human-animal

bond in life and death. Cottage Grove, WI: Xenophon Publications.

Pet Loss ResourcesBooks (continued)• Kowalski, G. (1997). Goodbye, friend: Healing wisdom for anyone who has

ever lost a pet. Novato, CA: New World Library.• Kowalski, G. (1999). The souls of animals. Novato, CA: New World Library.• McClinton, J.L. (2004). Paw prints in heaven? Christians and pet loss.

Lincoln, NE: iUniverse, Inc.• Reynolds, R.M. (2010). Blessing the bridge: What animals teach us about

death, dying, and beyond. Troutdale, OR: NewSage Press.• Sife, W. (2005). The loss of a pet. Hoboken, NJ: Howell Book House.• Walker, K. (1999). The heart that is loved never forgets: Recovering from

loss: When humans and animals lose their companions. Rochester, VT: Healing Arts Press.

• Wolfelt, A.D. (2004). When your pet dies: A guide to mourning, remembering and healing. Fort Collins, CO: Companion Press.

Pet Loss ResourcesWebsites• Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement

http://www.aplb.org• Chance’s Spot

http://www.chancesspot.org• Delta Society

http://www.deltasociety.org/Page.aspx?pid=307• Lightning Strike Pet Loss Support

http://www.lightning-strike.com• Pet Loss Grief Support Website

http://www.petloss.com• Pet Loss Support Page

http//www.pet-loss.net• The Original Rainbow Bridge On-Line Pet Memorial

http://rainbowbridge.org

http://www.aplb.org/

http://www.chancesspot.org/

http://www.lightning-strike.com/

http://www.petloss.com/

http://rainbowbridge.org/

Pet Loss and College Students Jessica Terwilliger, MA June 2, 2011.

Documents

loss of control

lost pet

pet factors

pet research

loss wrobel dye

weeks postloss

scope of pet ownership

grief symptoms