Personal Narrative. Draft #2 · 2014. 12. 13. · Draft #2 by Magali Mendoza FILE TIME SUBMITTED 17-SEP-2014 10:43PM SUBMISSION ID 453610583 WORD COUNT 1752 CHARACTER COUNT 7855 DRAFT_2.DOCX

Personal Narrative. Draft #2by Magali Mendoza

FILE

TIME SUBMITTED 17-SEP-2014 10:43PM

SUBMISSION ID 453610583

WORD COUNT 1752

CHARACTER COUNT 7855

DRAFT_2.DOCX (113.79K)

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FINAL GRADE

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Personal Narrative. Draft #2GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

PAGE 1

Nice DescriptionNice description

Wow!Wow!

WCWord choice error:Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very dif f icultto do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying toohard to come up with a f ancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be ahandy tool when you're trying to f ind a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the oneyou're looking up. However, it can of ten introduce more problems if you use a word thinking ithas exactly the same meaning.

PAGE 2

FragmentFragment

Comment 1At this point in the essay, I would like to know why you're going through her things in the f irstplace. Even just a hint might help me (as your reader) not start to think that you're just somenosy kid.

Comment 2I am not really f ollowing you or know where this is going, but you certainly have piqued myinterest. On the same note, remember this is only a 3-5 page essay. I f eel like you should beclearing up some of the vagueness by now.

Comment 3I don't understand why you f eel this way

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Comment 4It may have been a good idea to say this about her much earlier in the essay

Sp.Spelling error

Comment 5put this in italics to help show that this is a thought

Comment 6Where is this idea coming f rom?

Comment 7Did you not want to meet her f riends?

WCWord choice error:Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very dif f icultto do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying toohard to come up with a f ancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be ahandy tool when you're trying to f ind a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the oneyou're looking up. However, it can of ten introduce more problems if you use a word thinking ithas exactly the same meaning.

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Wow!Wow!

Comment 8The rest of your grandmother's f riends?

Comment 9It might have been a good idea to mention this earlier in the essay

PAGE 5

Comment 10This paragraph is conf using me. It seems like you are talking about a lot of stuf f too f ast. Whoencountered "the young girl?" Did you love your grandmother bef ore and now you hate her? Didyou just dislike her bef ore and now you f eel hate? What did you have to "repay" her f or andhow? So much inf o and I am lost.

QM Wow!Wow!

Comment 11Magali,You have a VERY unique piece here. It is very strong in it 's complexity and details. I can't say thisis f ulf illing the prompt, however, because it is more of a ref lection than a story.I would really like to help you sculpt this into something that can suit the requirements of thisessay.

Personal Narrative. Draft #2by Magali Mendoza

Personal Narrative. Draft #2GRADEMARK REPORTFINAL GRADEGENERAL COMMENTSInstructor