TELL ME ABOUT IT | by Carolyn Hax Woman upset that brother is still close with her exes HOROSCOPE | by Jacqueline Bigar TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Zero in on what you want without hesitating. You’ll achieve an awful lot with directness and your seasoned charm. No sign can handle hot situations as well as you. Use your skills, and surprises head your way. Tonight: Open up your arms to life. This week: Do research before you take a stand Thursday. ARIES (March 21-April 19) Step back and take your time making a decision. If you want to move into a new realm, make a conscious decision to let go of an innate resistance. Once you shed some skin, you could become deadly and assertive. Tonight: Take your time. This week: You are full of fire and get-up-and-go. Be careful with investments and spending. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Take your time as you settle in and study a situation more carefully. What you perceive is happening could be shockingly unrealistic. Events point you in the correct direction. Follow that path. Tonight: Happy at home. This week: Your creativity surges. Plug this gift into your daily life. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Surprises seem to keep heading in your direction, no matter what choice you make or what you do. Relax with the moment. See what is important in the long run, and make decisions accordingly. Tonight: Go with your whims. This week: Lie low. But when you are ready, count on having an impact. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Step up to the plate and understand limits and issues. You have a way that draws many to you. Still, dealing with a difficult parent could have an impact. Evaluate and think. You’ll feel more in tune if you relax. Tonight: A must show. This week: Immediately zero in on what you want. Thursday, be more laid-back. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Surprises happen while dealing with others. You might want to try something different, and someone flatly opposes you. A debate might occur. Don’t let it become any more than that right now. Tonight: Enjoy the closeness you have with another person. This week: Your insight defines a professional matter, or one where you take the lead. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) You might need to go another way or do something differently. When plans explode, use the opportunity to your advantage. What did you not include? What would you really like to do? Answer these questions, and you will know what to do. Tonight: Get as much R and R as possible. This week: Your perception is different from an associate’s. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Possessiveness marks many of your interactions; a lack of control hits where you least expect it. Be sure-footed and confident before you make a decision. Someone might be sweet on you. Tonight: Treat yourself. This week: Ask questions and schedule meetings. By Thursday, you will have a lot to consider. CANCER (June 21-July 22) Be wise and dynamic as you look for new perspectives. Look at what evolves. Consider a trip with a loved one in the near future. You make anything possible. The unexpected occurs out of the blue. Tonight: Look at the big picture. This week: Carry the responsibility for a pet project, and you’ll get laurels. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) If you like excitement, you are likely to get just that. You might be at the end of your rope dealing with others. Know when to pull back and give others space. Tonight: Say yes to living. This week: You are the way you are. Others comment. Just be yourself. Drop any insecurity. IF YOUR BIRTHDAY IS TODAY: Your emotional and financial se- curity keep coming to the forefront as main issues in 2008. How you deal with these issues could vary. Sometimes you might be angry with a partner. Other times, you have a vision for the future. If you are single, you will meet someone quite different, or while traveling you might encounter your “special” person. Be ready to walk in a new direction. If you are single, you mesh deeply with your partner, feeling closer than ever. Sometimes you might have your differences, but they work in your favor. Pisces can hold you back, for better or worse. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Let creativity flourish, and you’ll come up smiles. How you deal with someone might radically change with knowledge and hindsight. Open up to possibilities, and you will have much to smile about. Tonight: Let the wild spirit in you out! This week: You are pushing so hard. Others wish you would lighten up on Thursday. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) When left alone and spontaneous, you are not only loving, but also a ball of fire. Both sides of your personality emerge. Knowing what you want proves to be extremely helpful. Listen to feedback. Tonight: You are personality plus. This week: Deal with financial questions rather than walk away from them. The stars show the kind of day you’ll have: 5-Dynamic; 4-Positive; 3-Average; 2-So-so; 1-Difficult. Q: My daughter “Teri” and son “Mark” have always been close and included each other in their social lives. A couple of years ago, Teri’s fiance broke their en- gagement. She was very hurt, of course, but several months later she met her soul mate and is now hap- pily married. About a year ago, she had a falling out with her best friend. The problem is that her brother still considers these people his friends. Everyone lives in different cities, so there is no chance of anyone running into each other. But Teri feels that Mark’s contin- ued friendships are a betray- al, and Mark doesn’t think she has the right to decide whom he’s friends with. Is one person right, or is there a way to compromise? The issue of the boyfriend is mostly about hurt feelings. They had been together for several years, and Teri want- ed to get married. He went along with it for a while, then admitted he didn’t re- ally want to marry her (after wedding plans and deposits were already involved). The falling out came when the best friend made calls to several mutual friends saying she was worried that Teri’s new husband might be abusive. I’m not aware of what caused her to say this, but my daughter as- sures me it’s not true, and I absolutely believe her. A: This problem could go away in three words, except that needing to hear these words is exactly what makes someone unwilling to hear them: Teri, grow up. No one would deny the pain of being dumped by your fian- ce or the frustration of having to defend your husband and judgment to your best friend. However, unless the fiance and friend had ulterior motives, BORN TODAY: Actress Hallee Hirsh (1987); actor Benjamin Bratt (1963), shown here; author Jane Austen (1775). their behavior was motivated by their affection for you. Yes, the end results were two bro- ken relationships and no small amount of humiliation (which we’ll come back to in a second), but it all started with their not wanting you to get hurt. Specifically: With his heart not in it, the fiance’s only choices were between hurting you a lot now or a lot more later. He made the only com- passionate choice. And, the friend was wor- ried about you. Maybe you’re angry that she didn’t talk to you directly first, but wasn’t she obligated to investigate her concerns? Isn’t that what a best friend does? Nobody aspires to be the publicly jilted lover or the ru- mor-tainted newlywed. But sometimes things just play out that way, and we end up appearing in humiliating roles that we’re desperate to strike from the script. The solution, however, isn’t just to start rubbing out ac- tors. That just punishes the in- nocent (and, in this case, the well-meaning), in the course of accomplishing, what? It doesn’t de-humiliate you. If anything, you look worse for not taking your bad news with grace. I could argue, I suppose, that it saves you from having to face reminders of difficult things. But that’s hardly justifica- tion for denying Mark’s right to see these friends. Cruelty certainly would be, or malice — by the fiance, by the friend, or by Mark — but I see no signs of those here. I do see this: When a friend fears you’re abused, and you respond by denying it and ban- ishing her, people like me start thinking she might be right. E-mail Carolyn at tellme@ washpost.com or chat online with her each Friday at noon Eastern time, at www.wash- ingtonpost.com. Sunday, December 16, 2007 The Plain Dealer | Breaking news: cleveland.com PDQ | L5 pd Q Deputy Features Editor/PDQ Kim Crow: 216-999-4046 Assistant Managing Editor/Features Debbie Van Tassel: 216-999-4405 PDQ Chief Reporter John Campanelli: 216-999-4694 Designer Staci Andrews: 216-999-4598 Features Picture Editor Bill Kennedy: 216-999-6127 Fax: 216-515-2033 John Campanelli Plain Dealer Reporter “Christmas in jail, Christmas in jail. Had a little too much to drink. Ain’t got no bail, ain’t got no bail. And I’m spending New Year’s Eve in the clink.” As amusing as that 1950s doo- wop song by the Youngsters is, there’s really nothing funny about spending the holidays locked up — for the inmates or the people who care about them. It’s a time of loneliness, regret and separation for the whopping 2.26 million people incarcerated in the United States. Greeting cards are often salve for those wounds, but the prison population has been all but ig- nored by card companies — until now. Launched earlier this year, Three Squares Greetings is the only card company that caters exclusively to inmates and their family and friends, says Los An- geles lawyer Terrye Cheathem, founder and CEO. She got the idea a few years back while try- ing to buy a birthday card for a relative serving time. As hard as she looked, she couldn’t find the “birthday: inmate” section. That Christmas, she got a card from her relative. It was a gener- ic, yellowing thing. “It was so old and yuck. I thought, ‘Where did he get this card?!’” remembers Cheathem. Turns out, most inmates can buy greeting cards in their jails and prisons, but they are often old versions of ordinary cards The perfect card for that imperfect, incarcerated loved one available on the outside, not, for instance, a card that says, “Thanks for coming to court,” which is one of Three Squares’ offerings. Other cards include: Outside: “You are the best.” In- side: “You are the best wife in the world. Your visits are very encour- aging. I don’t know what I would do without you supporting me. I am going to make this up to you. I promise.” Outside: “Thanks for the mon- ey.” Inside: “I know that I should stop asking you for money. One day I will. Thanks again.” Outside: “Pray for me.” Inside: “I need it.” Cheathem is working to get those cards available in jail and prison commissaries. At the same time, she is offering cards for friends and family online at ThreeSquaresGreetings.com. The cards have done well, she said, because family and friends do indeed want to show their love but often find it difficult to know exactly what to say. The most popular cards have been the “Thinking of you” and “Not forgotten” cards. Almost all of the cards have a serious, som- ber tone. Cheathem, who writes the cards herself, is looking to expand the selection to include a humor line. “Inmates,” she says, “don’t lose their sense of humor.” One idea she’s toying with is a card from an inmate that will open to this message: “Wish you were here.” To reach this Plain Dealer reporter: [email protected], 216-999-4694 You had the choice to be “naughty or nice.” And you chose ....... Now you have to do your time. But, Christmas won’t be the same without you here. Stay safe. If it weren’t for those walls, I’d give you lots of hugs and kisses. Have a good day! Stay safe. It’s your birthday and I know that you’d rather be almost anywhere else right now. Hopefully, one year older will really mean one year wiser for you. Take Good Care. I apologize. When you called last time, I was not very sympathetic. I guess that I have heard your promises to change too many times. Please — stop promising to change. Just do it.