EFA Sweatshirts - latest styles - get yours to say, the Belly Dancers may be missing this year - could be a blessing in ... Mick's route took us out towards Ardleigh, Langham, Strat-ford

Almost the middle of the year already! Won’t be long before the eveningsdraw in and we will be starting to think about the trials season which is the mainsporting activity of this club. Until then we have Tims Tours to keep us amusedwhilst the scramblers amongst us have their regular outings to look forward to.

Our latest recruit to the Harley chapter, Pompous Norman, may not be toowell known amongst the EFA for his inability to find his way to places. In fact itis reckoned that he runs our El Presidente a very close second in this field ofhuman conflict. Well, Norman has got a bit of the latest ‘Yuppy’ equipment fittedto his Harley so that he doesn’t get too lost - he has fitted a GPS navigationsystem! I suppose that the leather cap and chain members of the chapter willnow have to follow suit. Mind you, it could save El Presidente its initial cost byproviding him with lower fuel bills due to the reduced mileage that would betravelled.

Seems that Tims Tour with a Difference went of very well for most of the entryor should I say participants. I gather that some of the route for the ‘deviants’ wasa bit on the wet side. Yes - there were deviants taking part! The route wasarranged so that in places it was possible for those who had the desire to ‘gocolonial’ to tackle a green lane deviation instead of Mr MacAdams patented tarsurfacing. This worked well for most as I understand it but it has been reportedto me that Peter Sigournay suffered water in the works of his Ariel’s magneto -the mag being made by the Prince of Darkness. In this instance Joe Lucas shouldhave been renamed to the Prince of No Lightning!

I make no apology for including a photograph of a Twin Shock rider compet-ing in a ‘modern’ trial because I feel that the achievement of this rider (who isknown to many of us) is ‘just out of this world’. Paul Garrett, a Southendmember, competed in the SSDT on his ‘blue’ Bultaco and finished. Now thatreally is some achievement. Paul is quite unique in some respects. I don’t knowwhen he started riding but it was some while ago and his first machine was aGreeves. However, his second machine, a ‘72 Bultaco has been his regular mountup until the last couple of years when the ‘more modern’ blue Bultaco was addedto the stable. He must be quite unique in the number of machines he has ownedand ridden over such a lengthy trials career. Anyway, I feel sure that we allcongratulate Paul on his achievement.

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I have got a little bit out of control of the advert situation in the magazine. Thisis due, in the main to my being ‘in another place’ for quite a lot of the past year.If I have missed your advert, put it in late, or cocked it up in any other way thenplease accept my apologies and if it is still needed for publcation then pleasesend it in again. Adverts received at clubnite I am afraid do carry the risk of beingmislaid so please if you want an advert in the T&T it is best to send it to me byany of the accepted means to arrive near the deadline date which is published inevery issue.

Southend member Paul Garrett in the SSDT - photo by Roy Ayres

The June PlonkersRaydon Pit, Wades Lane, Raydon, Nr Ipswich, Suffolk

Sunday 20th June 2004Start 10.30am

A trial for:Pre 65 solos • Pre 65 sidecars • Twin Shocks

Youths • Twin Shock sidecars

The Leonard Cheshire Home at Great Bromley is organising a 50s day onSunday 6th June. You are cordially invited to attend especially if you can bringa 50s bike, 50s car, or wear 50s clothes OR just come along and enjoy thenostalgia, fun and music.

We shall be returning to the Leonard Cheshire Home again on Saturday 3rdJuly for what is becoming an annual occasion. This time, Mick Brown isorganising a table sale to supplement the trial, the BBQ and the entertainment.Sad to say, the Belly Dancers may be missing this year - could be a blessing indisguise for El P and his blood pressure! Please note - this event will be takingplace before next club night.

The time has arrived for the Juneedition of the Plonkers trial, this time atRaydon. I am looking forward to attend-ing! It will make a change as Plonkers forthe last year have coincided with mebeing in internment or in recovery mode.So, all you non-scramblers, the place tobe is Raydon on the 20th June.

Yet another plea for articles. I printover 150 copies of Trials & Tribs so I amsure that out there somewhere are many

X rated ! The swamp monster aka Ray Gibb comes into view.Photo by Russell Lee - www.sport-pics.co.uk

FOR SALEMyford Super 7

In need of some TLC£100 ono

See Ted Smith

stories or reports that may be of interest to our readership. As Chairman Tedsaid when I took over the editor’s chair, if there is a call for knitting patterns theninclude them - so to our knitting readers . . .

Long distance trials seem to be the in thing at the moment. Elsewhere in thismagazine you will find an item explaining the thoughts for the attack on thisyear’s Arbuthnot Trial. I understand that Don Daly, in a weak moment, hasagreed to undertake the task of team manager for teams emanating from thispart of the world. Work is also progressing on plans for an Eastern variant of theArbuthnot. It is my view, however, that ‘our’ trial is more likely to be similar tothe OWLS Long Distance Trial. Am I right in this assumption?

I must thank Roy Ayres for sending me some photos of the Scottish Trials,both ‘Ancient and Modern’ and I have included a couple of them in this issue.The photograph at the foot of this page is ‘quite unique’. We don’t often have theprivilege of seeing Clive Dopson undertaking some serious footing!

Thanks to Mick Brown, I have received some photos taken at the ‘FratingTrial’ by Russell Lee of Sport Pics who has copies for sale - see his website.

Best wishes,

Jim

Clive Dopson striking an unusual pose (for him!) i.e. footingPhoto by Roy Ayres

Must start by putting the record straight concerning Jim's Get Well Card. Inlast month's Newsletter I was credited with organising this but Peter Eaves beatme to it. By the time we got to Clubnite he had already got a card circulatingamongst Club Members so it's thanks to Pete the card was sent.

Can't let the opportunity pass without giving a mention about Stebbing onSunday 2nd May. It was a stroke of genius to combine the Dunmow Club and thePre 65 Moto Cross Club to celebrate 50 years of Scrambling in the village. A nicetouch in the Programme was the reproduction of a set of Regs from a 1954edition of the Eastern Centre Gazette plus a couple of programmes from thesame era. We saw a lot of faces from yesteryear amongst the large crowd of

spectators, the racing was superb and the sun shone all day - brilliant.

Incorporated in this meeting was the third round of the Greeves OnlyChampionship and several Club Members are doing quite well in this series,

Alan Farmer

namely, Brian and Mark Fletcher, TimBradshaw, Paul and Michael Eustace,Chris Mace and Alan Farmer along withMike Meadows and Kevin Plummer - welldone to them.

On 8thMay a group of us on a variety ofmachinery gathered at the Leonard Chesh-ire Seven Rivers Home, Great Bromley forTim's Tour with a Difference. Mick Brown,Pete Sigoumay, Ian Mepham and DickHobart were doing the route with Off Roaddiversions while the rest of us took thetarmac alternative, meeting up at pre-ar-ranged places after each diversion. Mickhad produced a very neat Route Card andafter a brief, explanatory chat we set offfrom Great Bromley on a circular routewith the promise of tea and cakes waitingfor us when we got back. Mick's route tookus out towards Ardleigh, Langham, Strat-ford St. Mary, Thorrington Street, Shelley,Raydon. Hintlesham, Chattisham, Copdock, Bentley, Brantham, Lawford, LittleBromley and back to our starting point, a distance of approx. 40 miles, throughsome very lovely country lanes. Thanks to Mick, his wife Ann and the Helpersfrom Leonard Cheshire who made this Tour possible.

Sunday 6th June Triangle (Ipswich) Motorcycle Club Treasure Hunt Contact Tony Cole, Tel.

01473 425170 if you fancy having a go at this one. Knebworth Classic Motorcycle Show. At Knebworth Park, Stevenage, Herts

and is sponsored by Classic Bike Magazine so might be interesting.

Wednesday 16th June Charity Bike Show, Meldreth Manor Riding School for Disabled Children

near Royston, Herts from 6pm

Sunday 20th June Pre-65 Motocross Club Scramble at Marks Tey

Saturday 26th June Tim's Tour With A Difference No. 2. Further details can be found elsewhere

in this Newsletter but in an effort to keep everyone together a bit better wethought we'd try and run along the same lines as the Vintage Club andMaldon Brit.Bike Club. Their road runs are organised on an "end over end"basis and consist of a 'Leader' and a 'Tail Ender' who stay the same thewhole way through. Each time the 'Leader' gets to a junction, the personimmediately behind him positions themselves in a safe place where theycan be seen by the following Riders (not behind a hedge or telegraph pole!)Like this everyone knows which direction has been taken by the'Leader'.

Sam Appleton

This person then slots back intoline in front of the 'Tailender' andso on until we reach the end of theRun, hopefully still all in oneGroup. Rog will be happy to an-swer any queries or questions youmight have.

Woodbridge & District MCCEvening Trial at Blaxhall starting at4.30pm. Details from Trevor An-drews on 01379 586303.

Saturday 3rd July Leonard Cheshire Charity Trial,

BBQ and Table Top Sale - furtherdetails can be found elsewhere inthe Newsletter Entry Forms availa-ble tonite, closing date Thursday24th June. Entry fee includes cost of BBQ. Please let us also know if yourequire extra BBQs for Family and Friends. These can be paid for on theday but we do need to have some idea of how many people to cater for. Ifyou have had a clear out and would like to book a Table to sell all thosespare bits and bobs you no longer require please give Mick Brown a ring -01206 250462. Timetable for the day is:

2pm - 4pm Table Top Sale4pm - 7pm Trial7pm Onwards BBQ + Entertainment

Sunday 4th July Classic Bike Show and Jumblie, Battlesbridge.

Heather

Yes ! Its that time of year again, the regulations for the Arbuthnot will be outshortly and if the rumours are correct the EFA should be able to field two if notthree teams! To cope with this anticipated demand a Team Manager has beenappointed!

If you are thinking of competing and would like to ride in a team, pleasecontact Team Manager, Don Daly on 01787 477045, preferably evenings after6pm but before 9pm (we all need our beauty sleep, you know!).

If possible we would like to field a team (three in a team) of Colonial riders(i.e. rigid with road tyres), a competition rigid team and a pre- unit springer teamor maybe a mixed class team.

Chris Mace

Please Note:The closing date by which all articles and adverts to be included in the July issueofTrials & Tribulations should reach the editorial office is Wednesday 29th June.Material for inclusion in the magazine may be supplied in the following forms:

handwritten • typed • computer hard copy • fax • email • floppy discIf providing computer hard copy, a font size of 12pt minimum is preferred whilstarticles supplied on floppy disc should be saved in text format.

The management invites everyone interested to participate in our Tour of theBorders leaving the Alma at 4 pm on Saturday 26th June.

We will be passing through Sudbury en route and terminate at our 5 starapproved chippy after traveling approximately 42 miles.

May I take this opportunity to thank Mick Brown for the recent success of hisTims Tour with a Difference. This was much appreciated by the good attendanceof those people who took part. We look forward to the continuation of this at alater date .

By Order Of The Management

Some of the artists from the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics toaccommodate their aging audience. This is welcome news for those feeling a littleolder and missing those great old tunes . . .

Herman's Hermits "Mrs Brown, you've got a lovely walker" The Bee Gees "How can you mend a broken hip" Bobby Darin "Splish, splash, I was havin' a flash" Ringo Starr "I get by with a little help from dependents" Roberta Flack "The first time ever I forgot your face" Johnny Nash "I can't see clearly now" Paul Simon "Fifty ways to lose your liver" Commodores "Once, twice, three times to the bathroom" Marvin Gaye "I heard it through the grape nuts" Procul Harem "A whiter shade of hair" Leo Sayer "You make me feel like napping" The Temptations "Papa's got a kidney stone" ABBA "Denture Queen"

· Log On - Make the barbecue hotter· Log Off - The barbecue is too hot· Monitor - Keeping an eye on the barbecue· Download - Get the firewood off the pick up· Hard drive - Trip back home without any cold tinnies· Floppy Disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once· Keyboard - Where you hang the pick up and bike keys· Window - What you shut when it’s cold· Screen - What you shut in the mosquito season· Byte - What mosquitoes do· Bit - What mosquitoes did· Mega Byte - What Tumstall mosquitoes do· Chip - A bar snack· Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips· Modem - What you did to the lawns· Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife· Laptop - Where the cat sleeps· Software - Plastic knives and forks you get at MacDonalds· Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from Asda· Mouse - What eats the food stored in the shed· Mainframe - What holds the shed up· Web - What spiders make· Web Site - The shed or under the verandah· Cursor - The old bloke who swears a lot· Search Engine - What you do when the pick up won't go· Yahoo - What you say when the pick up does go· Upgrade - A steep hill· Server - The person at the pub who brings out the

bar lunch· Mail Server - The bloke at the pub that

brings out the bar lunch· User - The neighbour who keeps

borrowing things· Network - When you have to

repair your fishing net· Internet - Complicated fishing

net repair method· Netscape - When the fish ma-

noeuvres out of reach of the net· Online - When you get the laundry hung out

Some Photos in this issue of Trials & Tribs have been suppliedcourtesy of Russell Lee’s Sport Pics Sporting Photography.

Photographs taken at the ‘Frating’ Trial can be viewed and/orpurchased at www.sport-pics.co.uk

Those of you who took part in the first ‘Tim’s Tour’ of the season will nowknow a little more of the type of event that is proposed we, the EFA, run. Wecompleted a forty mile route, and some hardy souls rode a few green lanes, wepassed some sites of possible sections and this was half of the proposed mileage.

What the revolutionary council now need is some feed back and support. Ifthis event is going to be run next year the planning must commence soon, withthe first task to distribute some ‘flyers’ at the Arbuthnot in September. Thesewill encourage Arbuthnot competitors to contact us and get put on a mailing listfor regulations.

The club would encourage all riders with suitable machines to compete inour event and other regular riders to help with observing and course marking.

So if you fancy taking charge of a group of sections (three maximum),carrying out some route marking, being Clerk of the Course, course opener orback marker, time keeper, starter, machine examiner or just a general handy-person! Let us know. With plenty of help it will not be a difficult event toorganize, and if the Arbuthnot is anything to go by, a great day out for allinvolved.

Please contact Mick Brown, on 01206 250462, who is acting as liaisonofficer for the event and has already started to contact landowners and checkout the status of rights of way etc.

A man took his wife to the Suffolk Show and one of theexhibits was that of breeding bulls. They went up to the firstpen and there was a sign that said: "This bull mated 50times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said,"He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little farther and saw another penwith a sign that said: This bull mated 120 times lastyear." The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more

than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."They walked farther and a third pen had a bull with a

sign saying: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wifegot really excited and said "That's once a day. You could REALLY

learn something from this one."The husband looked at her and said: "Go up and ask him if it was with the

same old cow."The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he

should eventually make a full recovery.

Weeting Steam Engine Rallyand Country Show

Promises to be another good weekend in the Suffolk countryside. There’splenty to keep you occupied for the whole weekend plus the chance to ride yourTrials Bike (as long as it's old and British).

More information from:

Charity Barbecue TrialSaturday July 3rd 2004

atSeven Rivers, Hall Road, Gt Bromley, Colchester, Essex

(on the B1029 between Ardleigh rail crossing and the Old Courthouse P.H.)

Table Top Sale from 2pm‘A chance to clear the shed of bike bits’(book your table with Mick - see below)

Trial starts at 4 pmFollowed by Barbecue and entertainment from 7 pm

Sponsors still required for sections - £25 shares or £100 per section.Plus advertising in programme, on sections, and in the press

Contact Mick Brown for further details 01206 250462

Tommy Cooperisms. . . . . . . . . . to brighten up the day.

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder.I don’t get on with my real ladder.

Irish Confession“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?”“Yes, Father, it is.”“And who was the woman you were with?”“Sure I can’t be tellin’ you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.”“Well, Tommy, I’m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.Was it Brenda O'Malley?”“I cannot say.”“Was it Patricia Kelly?”“I’ll never tell.”“Was it Liz Shannon?”“I’m sorry, but I’ll not name her.”“Was it Cathy Morgan?”“My lips are sealed.”“Was it Fiona McDonald, then?”“Please, Father, I cannot tell you. “The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and Iadmire that, but you’ve sinned and you must atone. You cannot attend church forthree months. Be off with you now.”Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, “What’dyou get?”“Three month's vacation and five good leads”, says Tommy.

WANTED Bantam rear hub - Jason Sigournay 01245 267088

This mid-week resurrected event run in association with Mallory Park and thePoachers Section of the AJS and Matchless owners club was held on 3rd March.Mallory Park provided the land free of charge and the Poachers provided theorganisation. In fact Poacher Errol Gowshallappeared to be Secretary of the Meeting,Clerk of the Course and Observer, a trueJack of all Trades.

The whole event seems to focus on fun,but some riders certainly looked serious andintent on winning, and the organisersseemed intent on only relieving you of asmuch cash as possible. All the cash going tocharity.

To illustrate the fun and cash elementhere are two extracts from the regulations,

‘The event will be for pre 65 machines -although the organisers may allow twinshocks if we are bribed enough (profits to

Mick Brown about to kill an ant

I will never put off 'till tomorrow what I can forget about forever

charity) or you are an attractive woman or indeed bring an attractive women.’

'For some reason several riders have ex-pressed an interest in receiving a copy of resultsafter the event, exactly why is unclear. But we arehappy to oblige, and if you are one of thosestrange individuals enclosing a £5 note (profits tocharity) will ensure you get a set’

Also bribes would be accepted and to ride thespecial test it would cost you a quid, all profits tocharity, of course!

The press was well represented by the Mortons Motorcycle Group, RichardRosenthal was riding an Excelsior, and yours truly! I did not recognise any otherbiker paparazzi! The trade also appeared scarce but Pre 65 supremo SammyMiller was there as was Mr. Amal Carburettors, Neville Lewis of Surrey Cycles.

Ok off we go! Four laps, 8 sections plus an expensive special test. Othercompetitors included possible winner Mick Ash, Peter Gaunt on a beautiful exPeter Gaunt 98cc Jawa, loaned by Andrew Johnstone of Edinburgh & DMC, agentleman on a TY80 Yam, called Kevin Theobold, who I am told is also a sprinter,on a TY80? Plus another hero on a standard looking modern Royal Enfield. I alsospotted Tim Britton, joint organiser, Pete Robson on his lovely old Levis, gorgeousSara Carter on a BSA and another Mike Jackson riding a DOT. A cheerful bunchof observers welcomed us to what were eight challenging, if nadgery sections.However, two riders went clean, Mick Ash and Cris Denny with Sammy back infifth, losing three.

Now the awards, which I am told by the organisers are chosen by the reliable‘random pin’ method are as follows:

Overall winner- Duncan Burton (lost 31 marks! Even I beat ‘im on14, must ‘avparted with a lot of brass!)

Fastest time in the special test- Mick Ash (third year running, bribery?)Best Crash- Steve Goodman- (over the bars into a gully and under the bike, bet

it cost ’im)Best Excuse- Phil Turner (Phil had entered and was seconded to do a ‘Which

Bike’ test a couple days before the trial, hope his bonus went to the charity!)

Well, the day ended in a presentation of awards and a wonderful buffet tea, wehad all been presented with a commemorative ‘T’ shirt so as the saying goes, ‘I readthe Regs., rode the Trial, got the ‘T’ shirt.’

Finally as a bonus it was a test day for the road boys, an opportunity to wanderfreely around the pits, these boys don’t go racing cheaply these days do they! Mylasting memory will be watching a couple of Super Moto boys mixing it with the

WANTEDBantam or Tiger Cub

Rear HubColin Rose

01255 [email protected]