1 Abortion and Denial J. Kevin Burke MSS,LSW “Buried emotions are like rejected people; they make us pay a high price for having rejected them” - Rev. John Powell • Think of the words, actions and gestures by others that were supportive and healing in managing that pain and grief. • Write down or think of one of the most painful events in your life- divorce,abuse,abortion, loss etc. • Write down some responses to this painful event; words, actions, attitudes that were not helpful and perhaps even hurtful. • How did those words, actions, attitudes make you feel. How did they impact you?
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Abortion and Denial Conference 08/PowerPoint...Abortion and Denial ... divorce,abuse,abortion, loss etc. ... •Defense Mechanisms are the foundation of Denial and Repression (avoiding/stuffing
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Abortion and DenialJ. Kevin Burke MSS,LSW
“Buried emotions are like rejected
people; they make us pay a high
price for having rejected them”
- Rev. John Powell
• Think of the words, actions
and gestures by others that
were supportive and
healing in managing that
pain and grief.
• Write down or think of
one of the most painful
events in your life-
divorce,abuse,abortion,
loss etc.
• Write down some
responses to this
painful event; words,
actions, attitudes that
were not helpful and
perhaps even hurtful.
• How did those words, actions, attitudes
make you feel. How did they impact you?
2
• The emotions
of shame,
abandonment,
complicated
grief are
disconnected
from the wound
that lies at the
heart of post abortion grief.
The Trauma-Go-Round
of Denial:
Self Protection Vs Resolution
• Putting the Lid on the Pot-avoiding painful feelings
• The unconscious desire to find meaning and
resolution of the abortion experience
Traumatic Paradox
• Defense Mechanisms are the foundation of
Denial and Repression (avoiding/stuffing
down)
• Yet Some DM’s act as unconscious release
valves-unconscious fissures for traumatic
steam/themes (Displacement/Provocation).
3
Coping Processes
• Conscious,
intentional,
learned and
associated
with normal
adjustment
Defense Mechanisms
• Unconscious, unintentional,
self-protective instincts or
dispositions…that help
maintain repression of
painful/traumatic feelings and
memory, and minimize
anxiety. (Cramer,1998)
Defenses / coping
mechanisms help
us to cope with
this disconnected
pain until we can
find:
Meaning
Reconciliation
Healing.
4
Defense
Mechanisms can
become a prison
that keep us from
the liberation of
healing.
The Price of Denial
The Price
• Relational dysfunction:
Re-enacting repressed traumatic themes
• Drain emotional energy / lower emotional range
• Addictions / eating disorders
-High Risk / self destructive behavior-
-repeat abortions
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• “I can’t deal with this right now” -
Conscious Coping Mechanism
Suppression
Repression
• Burying the dangerous darkness deeply in
the unconscious [Defense Mechanism]
• Related to the intensity/traumatic nature of
the event--the inability of the person to
integrate this traumatic event.
• The unconscious wants to
integrate/reconcile/release pain/find
meaning.
• Post Abortive Culture of Denial
Rationalization
• Heart: I have participated in
the death of my child in a
painful, humiliating and lonely
nightmare called abortion.
• Voice: It was the best
decision at that time and made
total sense given my situation.
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Reaction Formation
Displacement/Projection
• Pro Lifer = Fanatical, rejecting,
uncompassionate, right-wing, nazi,
women-hating dark evil force.
• Repressed feelings of abortion: Anxiety
of losing control, pain of rejection /
abandonment, dark forbidden feelings of
grief, loss, rage.
Introjection
• The Tyranny of
Good Intentions:
• Sacrifice and
Appeasement
Undoing
• I will make it all come out right…
• My Grief has no voice--
I will fill the Void...Replacement Pregnancies
• 29% of Women in an Elliot Institute study
attempt to conceive a replacement pregnancy
- 45% successfully within the first year after
abortion.
• The “Perfect Mom” -
“The Mother Theresa Syndrome”
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Dissociation
• I Don’t remember, I don’t
recall, I have no Memory of
anything at all----
Peter Gabriel
• The Lights are on
but nobody is home
Somatization
• The body gives voice to it’s
Forbidden Grief and pain.
(Heather)
Resistance/Avoidance
• Fight or Flight
• “Keep Your Religion Out of My Grief”
• The Back Pew Gang
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Deflection
• The Numbing-Dumbing Culture of
Hyper-Distraction - Helping to maintain
repression and disconnect from wound.
Denial - 3 Stages
• Planned Parenthood
of Illinois -
“Grieving the
lost pregnancy”
Recognition
• Houston we have
a problem
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Acceptance
• Problem is recognized
and addressed... but
with conditions
• The Denial Damn Breaks--
Truth Can Flow Into the Healing River of Grief
Surrender
Denial Reinforced
Blaming the Victim
• “A few Women might CLING to their grief.”
(Planned Parenthood of Illinois)
• Translation: “You are weak, self-centered,
selfish, and indulgently clinging to your grief.
Your inability to let this grief go reveals your
psychological immaturity and may indicate a
pre existing emotional illness.”
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• Displacement/Projection anyone?
Julie Burchill’s
Healing Message
Deep
complicated
intensive grief
lies at the
epicenter of the
wound of those
that experience
abortion.
Visiting this wound will seem
like a treacherous journey to
the suffering soul.
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We are the Bridge Builders To
The Pain Crying out For
Healing / Reconciliation /
Christ Jesus
When is too
early for
treatment after
abortion?
Our Response to Intense Emotions
• Therapist and the Cutter
• Therapist and the
wailing woman
Feeling Outside the BoxJ. Kevin Burke MSS,LSW
“Buried emotions are like rejected
people; they make us pay a high
price for having rejected them”
- Rev. John Powell
• How did you try and avoid
the pain/conflict of the
situation and your feelings
• Think of a time when
you wanted to avoid/run
from your feelings
Only The Penitent
Man…May Pass
Coping Processes
• Conscious,
intentional,
learned and
associated
with normal
adjustment
Defense Mechanisms• Unconscious, unintentional,
self-protective instincts or
dispositions…that help
maintain repression of
painful/traumatic feelings and
memory, and minimize
anxiety. (Cramer,1998)
• Example
Traumatic Paradox
• Defense Mechanisms are the foundation of
Denial and Repression (avoiding/stuffing
down)
• Yet Some DM’s act as unconscious release
valves-unconscious for traumatic
steam/themes (Displacement/Provocation).
The Trauma-Go-Round
of Denial:
Self Protection Vs Resolution
• Avoiding/Repressing painful and threatening feelings
• The unconscious desire to find meaning and resolution of
the abortion experience
Defense / coping
mechanisms help
us to cope with
this disconnected
pain until we can
find:
Meaning
Reconciliation
Healing.
Defense
Mechanisms can
become a prison
that keep us from
the liberation of
healing.
• “I can’t deal with this right now” -
Conscious Coping Mechanism
Suppression
Rationalization
• Heart: I have participated in
the death of my child and need
to honor and grieve this loss.
• Voice: It was the best
decision at that time and made
total sense given my situation.
Reaction Formation
Displacement/Projection
• Reaction Formation: Acting Opposite of What I Really Want/Feel
• Displacement: Finding another target for your Anger/Pain
• Projection: Placing my unacceptable feelings onto you
Reaction Formation
Displacement/Projection
• Repressed feelings of abortion: Anxiety of losing control, pain of rejection / abandonment, dark forbidden feelings of grief, loss, rage are Focused on Other.