Partnership Support Excellence Empowerment Healthy Futures NASA Wallops Flight Facility October 1, 2014
Dec 22, 2015
Partnership
Support
Excellence
Empowerment
Healthy Futures
NASA Wallops Flight FacilityOctober 1, 2014
5 Agenda Items:- What is domestic violence? What does it “look like”?- What’s culture got to do with it?- Should this really concern me?- ESCADV - Who we are and what we do- How do we solve this, and how can I help?
5 Key Takeaways:- We are all impacted by domestic violence; females and males- We live in a culture that makes it possible for domestic violence
to exist- Domestic violence is preventable- We must work together to create a culture that supports healthy
relationships- I can be part of the solution
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one individual to control or exert power over another individual in the context of an intimate relationship.
Break it down: it can impact anyone; it is a pattern of behavior; it is not just physical; it is about power and control; it is a learned behavior
Takeaways: - No one deserves to suffer from domestic violence.- Each person has responsibility for his/her own behavior. Survivors do not cause
abuse and are not responsible for their abuser’s behavior- Violence is a learned behavior and is often passed down from generation to
generation.- Women and children are most likely to be affected, but ALL persons are potential
victims.
What does domestic violence look like?
Cycle of violence diagram
HONEYMOON Perpetrator: I’m sorry,
promises to get help, wooing, gifts and promises, declares
loveVictim: Agrees to
stay/return/take him/her back; stops legal proceedings; feels happy and hopeful; doesn’t
want relationship to end, just wants abuse to stop
TENSION BUILD UPPerpetrator: Moody, isolates, puts down, yells, criticizes,
destroys property, withdraws affection
Victim: attempts to calm, nurturing, keeps kids quiet, tries to reason, walking on eggshells,
stays away from friends and family, withdraws
VIOLENCE/ABUSEPerpetrator: Self-righteous
anger, hitting, choking, rape, use of weapons, humiliation,
imprisonmentVictim: protects themselves
any way they can, tries to reason, police called by the neighbors or kids, leaves,
fights back
DENIAL
Power and Control Wheel
What does domestic violence look like?
Signs of an abuser:
• Jealousy. At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will say that jealousy is a sign of love.
• Controlling behavior. The abuser is likely to disguise or excuse controlling behavior.
• Quick involvement. Many victims of abuse dated their abuser for less than 6 months before they became engaged or started living together.
• Unrealistic expectations. The abuser may expect the victim to be perfect and may depend on the victim for all their needs.
• Isolation. The abuser may try to curtail the victim’s social interaction and prevent him/her from going to work or class or being with friends and family.
• Blame-shifting. Very rarely will an abuser accept responsibility for any problem or negative situation.
• Verbal abuse. The abuser may say things that are meant to be cruel, hurtful and degrading, either in public or in private.
• Any force during an argument. An abuser may physically restrain victim from leaving the room;
hit victim with his/her hand or another object; pin the victim against a wall; or shout in their face
Why don’t they “just leave”?!• Attachment/Love• Fear• Doubt• Embarrassment• Low self-esteem• Lack of resources• Children• Control• Hope for change• Pressure from friends and family• Societal expectations• Cultural or religious restraints• Family background• Guilt and shame• Isolation
Do I stay or do I go?
Physical risks if victim stays:
Injury: Perpetrator can continue to hit and injure the victim
Death: Perpetrator may kill the victim
Physical risks if the victim leaves:Injury: Perpetrator can continue to hit
and injure the victim. Risk can increase when victim leaves
Death: Leaving does not ensure the victim won’t be found and may increase chance of homicide
Psychological risks if victim stays:Harm: Victim may be attacked verbally and emotionallySubstance abuse: victim may abuse to help copeSuicide: perpetrator and victim at risk
Psychological risks if victim leaves:Harm: Perpetrator may continue to have access to victim, particularly if children in commonSubstance abuse: victim may abuse to help cope with new life situationSuicide: perpetrator and victim at risk
Do I stay or do I go?
Risks to children if victim stays:
Injury: Children can witness violence, be object of attack, be
hurt while trying to protect parentLoss of children: CPS becomes involved if violence is disclosed
Being alone/single parenting
Risks to children if victim leaves:Injury: May be at greater risk while on
visitation without parent-victim present; no visitation may also harm the child
Loss of children: Perpetrator could gain custody or take children; CPS may still be
involvedBeing alone/single parenting
Financial risks if victim stays:Standard of living: Perpetrator may control the money, provide little moneyLoss of income: Perpetrator could keep victim from workingLoss of housing: Might be evicted due to disturbance or damage
Financial risks if victim leaves:Standard of living: Victim may have less incomeLoss of income: May have to quit job to relocate, work issues with being a single parentLoss of housing: may have to move
What’s culture got to do with it?
Should this really concern me?• 1 in every 4 women will experience some form
of domestic violence in their lifetime• 1 in every 6 men have had experiences that
can be defined as childhood sexual abuse.• Leading cause of injury among women• Roughly 1 in 3 homicides in Virginia
attributable to family and intimate partner violence
• Children who witness domestic violence is largest risk factor for being an abuser or victim as an adult.
• Impacts every sector and facet of our society
Domestic violence and the workplace
Did you know?• National surveys indicate that 21% of full-time employed
adults are survivors of domestic violence• 44% of respondents in a recent survey have experienced
domestic violence’s impact on the workplace, most frequently because a co-worker was a victim
• Studies show that over 75% of domestic violence perpetrators used workplace resources to express remorse or anger towards, check up on, pressure or threaten their victim.
Costs• Annual cost of lost productivity due to domestic violence is
$728 million• National health care costs of domestic violence (often
absorbed by employers) include direct mental health and medical services that total $4.1 billion annually
• Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work as a result of violence
About ESCADV – Impact & Statistics
24-hour a day, 7 days a week Hotline
268 phone calls in FY13
Emergency Shelter3,733 nights to 37 adults and 34
children in FY13
Counseling, Referrals, and Legal Advocacy
4,833 hours of services in FY13
Community Outreach/Education/Prevention
127 activities and presentations in FY13
“Without the shelter I would be homeless. Now I have a roof over my head and a safe place to go. The staff is wonderful and does everything they can to help people move on to a better life. Their caring and compassion means a lot, especially when you have been put down repeatedly both physically and emotionally in the past. This is a place where you start to heal and make a fresh start.” - Current ESCADV Client
Making a difference: all day, every day
Over 95% (35 of 37) adult shelter clients in FY13 transitioned to housing free from abuse
83% of clients developed a safety plan
87% of clients report receiving all the help they needed to live violence free
98% of hotline callers informed about domestic violence and services available
100+ education and outreach activities every year
How can I help a friend or family member?
Some helpful things to do:
Listen
Validate feelings
Respect their choices
Provide encouragement
What can you say?• I believe you.• You are not alone.• No one deserves to be abused.• It can be difficult to know what to do.• It can feel overwhelming at times.• It’s okay to still love him/her but not like what’s
happening.• I am concerned for your safety.• Leaving can be a very dangerous time.• There are options available.• Abuse is often about power and control.• I’ve noticed you’ve been ------ lately, and I’m
concerned.• You know your situation best.• It’s important for you to make the decision that is
best for you.• Our local domestic violence program may be able
to help you.
Is this a problem we can solve?
How can I make a difference?• Bystander intervention – Speak up and speak out• Share our information with friends and family that need
help• Provide financial support or in-kind donations• Volunteer • Invite us to present information to your church, civic
group
CONTACT: 757-787-
1329
EMAIL:[email protected]
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CONNECT:WWW.ESCADV.C
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