One Sentence at a TimeBy Richard Humphries
“The hard thing to remember, “the Captain
said, “is that every guy is different.”
The Cap, Officer D. and I were sitting around the
office well past the end of my shift. There had been
fourteen disciplinary hearings in one night, a record
number, and we were finally done. As the clerk, I
had typed all the reports, sending copies to the
Inmate and Admin and Sacramento and Files.
“You have to remember to look at them as one
guy doing one sentence at a time.” the Cap drained
his coffee cup. “Not as just another pain-in-the-ass
prisoner.”
“Like Humphries, you mean?” Officer D.
laughed.
I was good at my job and appreciated it. Every
day worked took a day off my sentence, and with
nearly four years in front of me I needed that half
time. Bad.
On any given day you could have asked me and I
would have it down to the month and day until my
release.
Every three months I marked off a quarter-year
in my journal calendar. Marking off mere months
didn’t help. I had my remaining time broken down
into months, weeks, days, hours, Tuesdays,
Christmases, Springs; anything but birthdays and
especially those of my children.
I felt an almost constant desire to reconnect with
my kids. I had to get out as soon as I possibly could.
The smallest stuff makes you miss them. A
goddamn happy family commercial on television can
make you punch something, or almost cry, or both.
The Captain suggested a smoke and we went
outside. It was June and the weather was summer
warm even at eleven p.m. The Yard was empty and
silent. In the dark, the blue light of televisions
flickered in the narrow cell windows.
Someone had left a Marlboro on my desk, which
I happily took out of my denim shirt pocket and lit.
Cap was dragging on a Camel. He smoked a
cigarette whenever he could.
“There’s only one sentence I care about,” I said.
“If every inmate was like you,” the Captain said,
“this job would be a breeze.”
“You sure were over-sentenced, Hump,” Officer
D. was a career Correctional Officer and had seen it
all. He lit a Marlboro. “If it makes you feel any
better.”
“It doesn’t, but thanks anyway,” I said. “Besides,
every guy here says they were over-sentenced.”
We finished our smokes as we talked some
baseball. I wasn’t one to kiss ass, but I also wasn’t
afraid to talk with Staff. You really had to take them
one at a time. They were all so different.
. . .
Thuck.
I guess that would be how to describe the sound
when a hard-driven knife is stuck in a guy’s gut.
Thuck.
Almost everyone on the Yard fell to a facedown
prone position on the asphalt track as soon as the
buzzers went off. The cops came running from all
directions.
The Nortenos and Surenos were jumping off.
Really jumping off. One of the two jumped over me
to stick his opposite in the kidney. Thuck. The stuck
guy went down, spurting blood as two C.O.’s tackled
his assailant.
A C.O. took aim from the Control Room of Unit 3
and shot a block gun, hitting a man trying to kill
another. The wooden bullet whammed him in the
ass and he went down.
Fists and blood were flying on the far end of the
Yard and cops laid the whole crowd down with clouds
of pepper spray.
“All inmates: Do not move,” the loudspeaker
announced. “Stay down. No warning shots will be
fired. Stay down.”
“This place,” laughed my buddy Jim, laying on
the track next to me, “is getting fucking violent.”
“You think?” His sick laughter was contagious.
“You two,” a C.O. shouted at us, “shut the fuck
up.”
“Inmate Clerk Humphries,” the loudspeaker
announced, “report to the Unit Office.”
“My typewriter calls,” I said to Jim, waving to a
cop as I stood. “See ya later.”
“I think I’ve spent about five years total so far on
the ground for an alarm,” he said. Jim was 46 and
had been down a little over sixteen years. He was
never going to get out of prison. No parole. Never.
“Today,” he would laugh, “is the first day of the
rest of your life . . . sentence.”
. . .
I could tell Ron was feeling all crappy and
guilty about his wife’s death as he crossed the Yard
to where I stood—in the goddamn rain—waiting my
turn at the evening pill call. Bronchitis, the MT said.
Probably from standing in the goddamn rain, I said.
Ron had that teary look in his eyes that he only
would do around me. Thanks a fucking lot.
“I really screwed up,” he said to me in a quiet
plea. “Didn’t I? I really ruined everything.”
We were friends enough. I could walk the Yard
with him and not be embarrassed by his rep. He had
been a successful contractor before his wife
announced their divorce and his gun went off and
shot her in the head.
When I met him, twelve years later, he would
still go crazy with the reality of what he had done.
He had albums in his cell of their cruises
together.
He referred to her in the present tense. Jesus.
“Yeah, Ron,” I said, a part of it being aware of
the audience in the pill line. “You can’t go shooting
your wife in the head with a three-fifty-seven. Not a
good thing.”
And so Ron would laugh a bit and stand beside
me and talk while I waited for my chest cold pills.
. . .
Sunday morning Chow was a big deal on the
Yard. Eggs and potatoes and turkey sausage
something and grits instead of beans. Toast, even.
Coffee and juice. A big deal.
I was a popular tablemate because I didn’t—
couldn’t--stomach the meat. I’d trade the crap
with other white inmates for servings of veggies
or fruit. In the Land of the Low Bid the cuts of
meat were less than prime, less than
recognizable.
There is a world of trouble for a White boy
who shares anything, especially food, with another
race. To take food from a Black man’s chow tray
would be suicidal. Never mind that behind the Chow
Line window men of every race were slopping the
potatoes and gravy and limas and whatnot, all
equally sweating over the moving trays as ‘line-
backers’ ran back and forth, refilling bins of all of it.
Ron and I were standing in line at the Chow Hall.
“Hump, how about I trade you half my hash
browns for your links?”
“There’s something wrong with my left arm,“ I
said to Ron. “No shit. It’s like numb.”
My left arm was like lead in my jacket pocket.
No shit. I couldn’t lift my arm.
“C’mon,” Ron wanted those sausages. It was a
weekly deal. “You’re just hungry.”
“Oh, shit,” the asphalt came up suddenly to
meet my face. “What . . .?”
. . .
Being the Captain’s Clerk saved my life.
“That’s my fucking Clerk, asshole,” the Captain
was shouting. “Get him a fucking ambulance.”
The MT was insisting I had bronchitis and should
be sent back to my cell, as he had said to me the two
days before while handing me some decongestants.
“He’s had a chest cold for a few days,” he said.
An inmate in Unit 4 had recently died of a heart
attack while waiting for a decision on an ambulance.
I was being helped to my wobbly feet by the
gate guard and a Black inmate I didn’t know.
A small invisible car drove directly into my chest
and I crumpled to the pavement again.
. . .
“Oh, shit. Oh, shit,” I breathed against the
spray the ambulance attendant was sticking down
my throat. “Oh, God, thank you. “My eyes began to
clear. “Thank you. Thank. What was that?”
I was in a stretcher, tied down, shirt torn away,
attached to a graph machine. The scene spun and
the rear doors were open to the ambulance and the
Captain was saying you’re going be all right. Do
what the doctors are saying and the woman said its
nitro spray. He’s had a massive infarction. Ben, hit
it and the siren screamed and I thought how free I
could be if I wasn’t afraid and the woman yelled in
my ear not to fall asleep goddamn it Mister
Humphries can you hear me. Can you?
. . .
“I’ll make you a great cocktail. Okay?” the nurse
asked. “We’ll put it in your IV.”
“I’m scared,” I said.
“No reason to be, Babe. I’ll be right here.” And
she, kindly, was, while they threaded the surgical
cable from my femoral artery to my heart, clearing
the broken left anterior descending.
Usually a death sentence for guys your age.
They kept me half-conscious while they installed
a stent. My right ankle was chained to the gurney
the whole time as my guard sat in the corner of the
Operating Room, reading a magazine.
If having a heart attack is a medical disaster,
having a heart attack in prison is also a psychic one.
Although the care I received at Doctor’s Hospital
of Modesto was first rate, the Correctional Officers
assigned there went out of their way to make things
miserable.
Their juvenile taunting ran the gamut from
pitching pennies against my door all night to insisting
on playing the television in my room at full volume.
They were happily cruel for their own amusement.
They weren’t from Jamestown and I was just another
asshole inmate getting free medical care on their
taxes. Not allowed to contact any of my family,
anyone who would care about me, I never felt so
alone.
. . .
I returned to Jamestown feeling like a zombie
and told the Captain I wanted to quit my job. It was
too much. The daily grind of report after report of
the worst sort of inmates doing the worst sort of stuff
to each other had finally got to me.
Stealing and stabbing and indecent exposure to
Staff and sticking and punching and spitting in the
food and nodding off on smack and threatening
supervisors and drug smuggling and over-dosing and
making pruno and falling down drunk, and always,
always fightingfightingfighting.
God, it was enough to write a fucking book and
not a very good one.
One thing I never saw. I never saw a report of
forced sex, nothing approaching the oft-repeated
‘joke’ idea that men in prison become either rapists
or rape victims because they’re doing a few years.
The Captain understood that his Clerk was burnt
out, was going stir crazy and needed a change. He
arranged for a doctor to excuse me from all work
assignments due to my medical condition. With that
in my file, I would still maintain my ‘half-time’ status
although I wasn’t working.
You earned it, Hump.
Still, though, I never felt lower. Life was as grim
as it gets. The year left in my term looked like a
century from where I sat.
Death was not an unwelcome idea.
I mean the concept. I certainly wasn’t going to
do it myself, wasn’t going to leave a legacy of dying
in fucking prison if I could help it.
After all, I wasn’t doing a Life sentence.
. . .
Officer D. soon approached me about filling a
clerk spot temporarily for an inmate program. It was
a fun place to work, he said.
Arts-In-Corrections was under the daily
supervision of a remarkable woman who had the grit
to be a creative artist and teacher and a quasi-prison
guard simultaneously.
The studio attracted inmates seeking relief from
the unending boredom through some creative self-
expression.
It also drew those seeking to get their hands on
the many razor blades, awls, screwdrivers, paints
and inks and brushes and paper and your lunch and
whatever else that wasn’t nailed the fuck down.
And Ms. H. would have it all present and
accounted for, each tool and supply hanging on its
assigned hook or on the proper shelf by the time we
were released to the yard with our budding collages,
novels, paintings, greeting cards (a good hustle for
the artistically-inclined) under arm.
Her husband, a highly regarded and talented
artist in the ‘real world’ would often join the classes
and help with the construction of mosaic murals and
holiday ornaments for local schools and towns.
Soon the permanent clerk was in place. Yet, I
hung around. The Arts program was a quiet oasis in
the middle of the daily madness. Often a group of
inmates, of every race, would be involved in a project
when the Yard alarms went off beyond the locked
classroom door. We would continue with our
creation, apart from the craziness for a small amount
of time.
Most importantly to me, we had involved
conversations about art and artists and styles, as I
would construct yet another collage from the stacks
of ancient National Geographics on hand.
My mind would wander away from
Jamestown until the Yard was recalled for the day
and I returned to my cell.
. . .
The foundation that backed the arts program
was offering a small budget to start a writing class,
Ms. H. explained to me, enough to hire an occasional
outside instructor, buy a case or two of composition
books, pens and pencils.
Most of the pens went for tattoo use. There
were no more pens.
But the Writer’s Group continued.
We would meet on Saturdays, rain or shine, at a
circle of tables in the Arts room and listen to a
speaker talk about writing.
“Don’t worry about where your writing is taking
you,” one visiting instructor told us. “Just start
writing one sentence at a time.”
We would all nod thoughtfully at her tank top
and begin writing in our composition books.
There was plenty of bad poetry, of course, lots of
lonely nights away from one’s woman. But, there
was some good poetry, too, and Rap, and some eerie
short stories that you hoped were fiction. I thought
to write a humorous novel and so began, one
sentence at a time, my first book.
. . .
Digby Phelps, III
The Valhalla, West Pier
Sausalito, California
Dear [Literary Agent/Publisher],
I’ll keep this brief, as I am sure you are terribly busy, everyone is these days except Yours Truly. Quite nearly went to prison last summer, was even married for a few hours, so a rest is indicated.
Started with a gift shoebox of cash from Alfonso Martinez, my iffy client from shadier shores. Mixed the moola with a sudden passion named Shayna,
though, and woke to an absence of both. Seems living the unexamined life will allow all manner of evil in our doors.But, I digress. Let’s say things fell apart—the center could not hold—and leave it at that for now.
A friend of a friend’s friend, name of Richard Humphries, wrote it all down in a book he’s calling ‘A Blood-Dimmed Tide’. I was hoping for a deeper, more spiritual kind of tome, but Richard says to hang on ‘til the next one. Says we have to find an editor with a sense of humor first. So I faked it and told him not to worry. That I would handle it.
Shall I send you the whole ninety thousand words? It reads fast and even I found myself laughing out loud. And it’s my story.Cheers!
Richard HumphriesP.O. B. XXXXXSF, CA 94100
. . .
The cover letter went out to publishers and
agents. By the time I paroled a literary agent was
representing my two—almost three--completed
‘Digby’ novels. As huge of a boost this was for my
ego, however, it wasn’t the main benefit I gained
from writing.
Through Digby and his sleazy boss Schroeder
and ex-girlfriend girlfriend Therese and Jasper the Art
Dealer and Rock the Stockbroker and a fictitious
amount of women . . .I escaped from prison and into
my composition books on a daily basis.
Soon, a neglected typewriter found its way to my
cell. I was up to an actual 65 words per minute and
the writing of fiction brought me to life in the ‘real’
world.
I wrote constantly. Everywhere.
While I was blithely ignoring my cellie beating off
in the bunk below me, I would write until late at night
of Digby, busily banging buxom blondes aboard his
houseboat.
While I choked down the crappy instant coffee
from the Canteen, Digby was tippling bottles of
bubbly at slightly disguised San Francisco watering
holes.
While I was alone and lonely among a great
many very mean men, Digby was charming a small
circle of his good friends over a candle-lit dinner.
Sentence by sentence I made an entire world. It
felt like magic to me at first. Then, it began to feel
more real than the reality around me.
. . .
In the next month or so, a company in Los
Angeles will begin transmitting ‘pod casts’, the
modern equivalent of the old time radio serial shows.
Each week a new episode of the adventures of Digby
and his friends will be sent out to their subscribers.
They asked my input on the casting of the actors
for this project. For weeks, I was sent audition
recordings of highly talented people giving life to the
lines I wrote.
Sentences I wrote during my sentence, as it
were.
. . .
My plan is to sit at home in my big favorite
chair, with my earphones on and eyes shut. I’ll listen
to the story, now brought to life, spoken by the
characters that came to me in a prison cell such a
long time ago, one sentence at a time.
Cover design by: www.ryanhumphries.com