North Shore Children & Families, September, 2011

North Shore

Children Families& FREE!

The online and print forum promoting the development of children, families and the parents who care for them.

IN THIS ISSUE

www.northshorefamilies.com SEPTEMBER 2011

Welcome Backto School!

Part 1of 2Managing Behavior(Part 2 in October!)

The Legitimacy ofParental Authority

Meaningful Consequences

Not Just Rewards& Punishments

Drop Off & GoCommunity CalendarMORE Contests!Education Feature:Sparhawk School

Family & Friends

Welcome Back to School!by Suzanne Provencher, Publisher

Hello, dear readers – HappySeptember! I hope you all had awonderful summer – and I hope youare fully prepared for another schoolyear.

As we return to our fall routines,schedules, activities andresponsibilities – we send the verybest wishes to all North Shorechildren, parents, teachers, busdrivers, crossing guards, cafeteriaworkers and school support staffs –and please remember to drive evenmore safely than usual as our streetsreturn to school year status.

I’d also like to take a moment tothank all of the independent schoolsand others who sponsor our North

Shore family publication and make itpossible. Whenever you can, pleasesupport our sponsors (and refer themto your friends and family!) and pleasethank them for bringing North ShoreChildren & Families to you and yourfamily each month. We could not dothis without all of you – our valuedadvertisers and readers – and we trulyappreciate your continued interest,engagement and valued support.

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The winners of our August issuecontests will be announced in ourOctober issue, since the Augustcontests’ deadline falls after thisissue’s print date.

NEXT ISSUE HAS A BONUSDISTRIBUTION – NORTH OFBOSTON SCHOOL FAIR!

And finally, our next issue (October2011) will be inserted in the goodiebags at the North of BostonSecondary School Fair onSeptember 28 at AustinPreparatory School in Reading!See our back cover for a list ofparticipating schools and more eventinformation. If you’d like to advertisein our October issue and reach evenMORE engaged, interested NorthShore parents who are seekinginformation, don’t miss our Octoberissue deadline! Our October issuewill have a bonus printing anddistribution for our regularadvertising rates – and this is yourchance to be “AT” this event! Yourad in our October issue will go homewith hundreds of information-seekingparents, so please contact me bynoon Friday, September 16, toparticipate in our October issue!You can see our advertising rates, sizes,available discounts and more online.

I hope you enjoy this issue – and thenew school year!

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2 North Shore Children & Families

North Shore Children & Families 3

North Shore Children & Families

A publication of North Shore Ink, LLC© 2011. All rights reserved.

Reproduction in full or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.

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Letter from the Editor

by Michael F. Mascolo, PhDAll parents want to influence their children’s behavior. They want to be able tosay, “Don’t do that, do this instead!” Why won’t children simply do what they’retold? Why won’t they listen? When did I lose control over my child?The answer? You never had control over your child.This is a difficult pill to swallow, but it is true. But in a sense, it should not besurprising! Can you control the behavior of other people in your life? Yourspouse? Your friends? The clerk at the supermarket? Your paper boy? Of coursenot. Let’s state it clearly:

You cannot control your child’s behavior.Your child’s behavior is under his or her control.

The only behavior that you can control is your own.If I cannot control my child’s behavior, then how do I influence my child?The answer is: By exercising control over the only behavior that you can control,your own. Although you cannot control your child’s behavior, you can control howyou respond to your child’s behavior. How you respond to your child’s actions isentirely under your control.When your child acts, you respond to your child as a consequence of her actions.Your actions are the consequences of your child’s actions. And so, although youcannot control your child’s actions, you can control how you respond as aconsequence of your child’s actions. Understanding this point makes all thedifference. That is because children – like anyone else – are very sensitive to the

Why Can’t You Control Your Child’s Behavior?consequences of their actions.Children – like anyone else – act on the basis of their interests. They act out ofsome desire, want or goal. If the action is successful in bringing about their goal,they will tend to repeat it in the future. If their actions fail, they will be motivatedto change them. And this is where parents come in. Parents cannot control theirchildren’s behavior. But they can control what is in their power to control: Theway they respond as a consequence of their children’s actions. To the extent thatparents have the power to control the consequences of children’s actions, theycan exert a profound influence over their children.So, children’s actions must have consequences. But what does it mean? What isan effective consequence to children’s misbehaviors? Although all actions haveconsequences, it is not always easy to know how to respond as a consequence tochildren’s actions!Effective consequences of a child’s actions are meaningful consequences.Meaningful consequences are those that are directly related to the intereststhat motivate your child’s actions. A meaningful consequence is one that is directlyrelated to a child’s goals, wants and desires in any given context. Suchconsequences are meaningful because they give children feedback about theextent to which their own interests are served by their behavior. They essentiallyshow the child: “If I act like that, I cannot get what I want; however, if I act like this,I may!” Meaningful consequences get children where they live. They not onlyplace clear limits on inappropriate behavior, they also inform children about howthey can appropriately and effectively advance their interests and pursue their goals.

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4 North Shore Children & Families Parenting

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The relationship between parents and children is not an equal one. Parentshave power and authority over their children. Parents sometimes find itdifficult to resolve the apparent contradiction between “love” and “authority”as dimensions of the parenting relationship. However, parental authority isboth a necessary and proper dimension of the parenting role. Parentalauthority derives its legitimacy from the responsibilities that parents have toand for their children.

Re-Legitimizing Parental Authority

When one person has authority over another, he or she has the right andresponsibility to influence, advise, educate or make demands on the personwith less authority. Parents have authority over children. A parent’s authoritycomes from his or her responsibility to the child. A parent is not onlyresponsible for the child’s safety and well-being, he or she is also responsiblefor guiding the child toward becoming a more competent, responsible andempathic person. Parents can do so because they are more competent thantheir children. It is through their responsibility to and for their children thatparental authority gains its legitimacy. Parental authority is not an option;exercising legitimate parental authority is part of the responsibility of everyparent.

During the latter part of the twentieth century, the legitimacy of parentalauthority was called into question. There was a movement from adult-centered approaches to parenting to more child-centered approaches. In theadult-centered approach, parents set the child’s developmental agenda.Parents are charged with the responsibility of directing the child’sdevelopment; the child has little or no say in the matter. In contrast, in child-centered parenting, parents relinquish some of their control to the child. Thisshift was based on the idea that it is important to acknowledge the active andcreative role that children play in their own development. Advocates of thechild-centered approach often suggested that too much direction could beharmful to children’s sense of autonomy, creativity and self-esteem. From thisview, parents are advised to act more like a “guide on the side” than an all-knowing “sage on the stage”.

The problem with child-centered approaches is that they tend to emphasizeone truth over another equally important truth. It is important toacknowledge the active and creative role that children play in development. Itis essential to address children’s emotional needs in every parent-childinteraction. But doing this does not require that parents leave their authorityat the door. Quite the opposite, it is both possible and necessary for parentsto nurture their children’s active, emotional involvement in their owndevelopment while at the same time maintaining the parent’s proper andlegitimate authority.

The Need for Emotional Sensitivity

Legitimate authority is the responsible use of power. It means using power toadvance a child’s well-being and development. The concept of legitimateauthority both supports and limits the power of parents. Although a parenthas physical power over a child, a parent’s authority does not extend toabusive or neglectful treatment. In fact, the responsible and constructive useof power requires that we, as parents, be consistently sensitive to a child’sphysical, emotional and intellectual needs. Legitimate authority honors the

The Legitimacy ofParental Authority

North Shore Children & Families 5need to be sensitive to children’s emotional needs – including their needs tobe heard and acknowledged; and to play a part in their own developmentalprocess.

Being sensitive to emotional needs is not simply a way of being “nice” tochildren. Emotional sensitivity is central to a child’s emotional development.We are emotionally sensitive to children when we:

• Acknowledge and try to meet their various needs

• Seek out and listen to children as they express their interests

• Acknowledge their positive and negative feelings about what ishappening to them at any given time

• Help to nurture their individuality and capacity to make choices for themselves

• Treat them as individuals who are worthy of respect (while demanding that they do the same with others)

Engaging children in this way is important not only because we love ourchildren and want the best for them, it important because it is through ourguidance and emotional sensitivity to children that children learn to be emotionallysensitive to others.

If a child knows that wecare about his or herinterests, he or she willbe more likely to sharethose interests with us.We can then help thechild find constructiveand appropriate ways tomeet those interests.

When a parent is ableto acknowledge that achild is angry or upset,the child is more likelyto feel emotionally safeand thus able to sharethose feelings with theparent. It is throughsuch sharing thatchildren are able to gaincontrol over theirfeelings and thesituations thatprecipitate them.

Treating a child withcompassion and respectis part of the process ofteaching children torespect and havecompassion for others; a child who has been marginalized or dismissed ismore likely to view others with anger or fear than with respect andcompassion.

Effective parenting is often about how to coordinate their own legitimateinterests with the legitimate authority of adults. Parents and children are notequal partners. Sometimes, parents experience discomfort embracing both“power” and “love” as simultaneous aspects of the parental role. But genuineauthority is not capricious; parental authority is both legitimized and limitedby the immense responsibility that parents have both to and for theirchildren. In this way, the exercise of loving authority is a parental obligation,not an option.

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Parenting

“My son won’t listen. He does what he wants to do and won’t do anything I tell him to do.”

“ Jane is always pushing boundaries. If I say she can have an hour on thecomputer, she’ll push it to an hour and a half.”

“I can’t get Alva to do his homework. It’s always a fight. I’m exhausted.”

The key to managing difficult behavior is to provide meaningful consequencesto children’s actions. Meaningful consequences are those clearly related to achild’s interests – the goals, desires and interests that motivate a child’sbehavior. Children act on the basis of their interests. Behind any action is aninterest. This is not only true of behavior that we approve of, but also ofchildren’s misbehavior. Four-year-old Becky is whining in the checkout aisle fora reason – she wants her mother to buy her candy. Meaningful consequencesget children where they live. Find out what is important to your child; don’t letyour child have that important something until they comply with yourlegitimate demands. When Becky whines, she gets nothing. When she learnsto ask quietly and politely, then, after dinner, she can get her candy.

Here’s the basic idea:

1. If you want A, then you’ll have to do X, not Y.2. If you don’t know how to do X, I’ll help you.

Meaningful Consequences: Out with the Old & In with the New


Continued on page 8

Here’s the idea elaborated into a series of examples:

Getting the Ball

1. If you want the ball from your sister, you will have to learn to ask herappropriately and not simply grab it from her.

2. If you grab it from her, I will take the ball away from you.3. If you ask for the ball, you might get it.4. If you don’t know how to ask, I’ll help you until you do.

Getting My Attention

1. If you want to talk to me, you will have to say “Excuse me”, and not simply interrupt.

2. If you interrupt, I will ignore you.3. If you say “Excuse me”, I will acknowledge you.4. If you don’t know how to get my attention, I’ll show you how.

Getting Computer Time

1. If you want your computer time, you will have to get off thecomputer after an hour, and not stay on beyond the hour.

2. If you stay on, you will not be able to go on the computer the next day.3. If you get off on time, you will earn the computer the next day.4. If you don’t know how to get off on time, I’ll show you how.

Let’s explain how this works by articulating some basic principles forunderstanding how parents can influence children’s actions.

Children act on the basis of their interests. Behind every action is aninterest: something that a child wants. Think of a child’s interests as a kindof problem to be solved. The problem is how to get what we want. Thinkof an action as a kind of strategy for solving the problem. A child’sbehavior is a strategy for solving the problem of getting what he wants.

• Toby grabs the ball from Sally’s hands because he wants to play with the ball.• Grabbing the ball is a solution to the problem of how to get the wanted ball.

All actions have consequences. The consequence of a child’s action isthe effect of the action relative to the child’s goals. Actions that aresuccessful in bringing out a child’s goals will be repeated; actions that areunsuccessful in advancing a child’s goals will motivate a change in behavior.(However, children do not always know how to change their behavior toadvance their interests or reach their goals.)


Continued on page 10

Meaningful ConsequencesContinued from page 7

• When Toby grabbed the ball, he got the toy he wanted (wanted outcome).• When Toby grabbed the ball, his mother took the ball away (unwanted

outcome).

Parents can influence their children’s behavior by regulating howthey respond as a consequence of children’s actions. If parentstolerate unwanted behavior, it is likely to be repeated. If parents areconsistent in disrupting the success of an unwanted behavior, children willbe less likely to continue to engage in the behavior.

• If Toby is allowed to succeed in his strategy of grabbing in order to get hissister’s ball, he will be likely to continue to use this strategy in the future.

• If Toby’s mother consistently takes the ball away from Toby when he grabs itfrom his sister, his strategy will have failed. He will be less likely to use thisstrategy in the future.

Alternatives to unacceptable behavior do not developspontaneously. Children need to be taught successfulalternatives to unwanted behavior. Although refusing to tolerateunwanted behavior is a key to eliminating that behavior, it does nothing tohelp the child find new, more appropriate and more effective ways ofacting. Children must be shown alternative ways that will be successful inadvancing their interests and meeting their goals. Merely telling childrenalternative ways to behave is unlikely to be effective. Instead, it is morehelpful to demonstrate and even coach the child through the new behavioruntil the child reaches success. Coaching the child to success is essential toensure that your child will adopt the new behavior; alternative behaviorsthat are not successful in advancing a child’s interests are unlikely to berepeated.

• When Toby’s mother takes the ball away from him, he learns that grabbingwill not work to get the ball. However, he has not yet learned what will (ormay) work to produce the outcome he desires.

• In this situation, it would be helpful not only to teach Toby an alternativebehavior (for example, to ask his sister to give him the ball), but also toensure that Toby’s new behavior is successful (e.g., that he can actually get theball by asking).

Motivating Behavior Change: Linking Interests & Consequences

When children misbehave, we often focus primarily on their actions and not onthe interests that motivate children’s actions. Toby grabs the toy from hissister’s hand. Focusing on the behavior – grabbing – Toby’s dad decides upon a“consequence”: No TV time today. This is actually a form of punishment, and isunlikely to be effective. It is based on the logic that associating somethingunpleasant with a child’s behavior is enough to stop it. There are many reasonswhy punishment is not an effective consequence to children’s actions.

The primary reason is that the punishment is irrelevant to the interests thatmotivated Toby’s actions. In being punished, Toby learns: “If I get caughtgrabbing toys from my sister, dad will be mad and I’ll lose TV time.” “LosingTV time” is many steps removed from the interests that actually motivateToby’s behavior. Toby wants the toy. Even though it is an unpleasantconsequence to Toby’s grabbing, “losing TV time” is several steps removedfrom what is important to Toby right now. It can even distract Toby from theissue at hand: Learning that grabbing is not the way to get what he wants, andlearning more appropriate ways of doing so.

Instead of simply focusing on the child’s behavior (grabbing), it is important tofocus on the interests that motivate the child’s behavior. Using Toby’s grabbing


A Mosaic of Teaching and LearningStyles – “The Sparhawk Formula”

by Louise Stilphen, Headmaster

David Hawkins, Professor Emeritusfrom the University of Colorado,developed a model using symbols torepresent three levels of teacherinteraction with students. His basicmodel is valuable in describing thecognitive component of a typical dayat Sparhawk’s Lower School (preK-5),so it is used and, with his permission,expanded on in this article.

CIRCLE

Represents those activities thatchildren undertake spontaneously ineither a prepared environment or anatural one. The teacher’s role is toobserve and reflect.

TRIANGLE

Represents a choice by the teacherto intervene and focus children’sspontaneous activity or to provide“scaffolding” that fosters discovery.For example:

• by adding materials• by asking questions designed to inspire

further investigation• with a demonstration or suggestion• by modeling• by suggesting that the child initiate

documentation• asking the child to become the expert

and find out more• encouragement to apply core skills

to a spontaneous activity to find an answer

SQUARE

Represents reliance on authoritativesources. Teachers plan curriculum thatsupports the acquisition andrefinement of academic skills and anevolving knowledge-base.

• information given; questions answered• books, films, artifacts, etc.• lectures, dialogue• practicing and internalizing basic skills• strategies for problem-solving

The Sparhawk Formula describes amosaic of teaching and learning styles.The component parts of theSparhawk model, the circle, triangle,and square, are in real life, fluid andinteractive – an integrated whole inpractice. They also evolve with eachdevelopmental stage. Whereelementary school is a balance of allthree, middle and high schoolcurriculum design mostly involvessquare and triangle levels.

As students learn the mechanics ofreading, writing, and mathematics, theyare acquiring what are called academicskills, and when they are taught newinformation in a specific subject areaand memorize facts, they areincreasing their academic knowledgebase. This ”square”, or convergent styleof instruction, is the one traditionallyassociated with schooling. Asimportant as this type of teaching andlearning is, it does not, by itself, fosterstudents’ evolving ability to ponder,formulate questions, hypothesize, solveproblems or to think conceptually.

“To instruct someone…is not a matterof getting him to commit results to mind.Rather, it is to teach him to participatein the process that makes possible theestablishment of knowledge. We teach asubject not to produce little livinglibraries on that subject, but rather to geta student…to take part in the processof knowledge-getting. Knowing is aprocess not a product.”- Jerome Bruner

“Circle” and “triangle” experiencesengage children in a process of inquiry.They provide opportunity to fashioninformation meaningfully, rather thanjust memorize it, and they naturallyrequire the application of emergingskills in the context of importantrather than solely rote work. Circleand triangle stages encouragedivergent thinking. They activatechildren’s natural curiosity and enablethem to develop questions, seek theirown answers, and they tend to resultin the most sustained interest andsatisfaction. Here is where childrengain confidence in their ability togenerate knowledge. As clay is not asculpture until the artist acts upon it,humans must construct meaning fromwhat they learn in order to contourtheir understanding. The triangle andcircle levels foster this experience.

“When a room is dominated bypredigested materials, the message isimplicit: others have done the thinking,you memorize.” –Francis Hawkins

The function of the “square” level isto formalize a lesson, give facts, orconfirm hunches. Here, teachers direct

the study process with curriculargoals in mind. Activities areconvergent and their design isintentional. Their purpose is toadvance students’ learning alongestablished scope and sequences andto stockpile information fromauthoritative sources. It is an efficientway to deliver large amounts ofinformation and to integrateexperience through the lens of factsand theories, in other words, to sum-up findings from the triangle andcircle levels. For students in the earlygrades, the square level has greatestvalue if it is a posteriori, that is,combined with, or deriving from,observations or experiences at thecircle and triangle levels. Unlesslearning is meaningful to youngchildren, unless it proceeds from whatthey already understand about theworld and what interests them andunless it is useful, it will not beretained in any significant way.

Circle, square, and triangle levels mayoccur in any sequence or operateseparately and they may representeither planned or spontaneousinteractions. They also apply to allcurriculum content areas for each hasdiscovery ( / ) and mastery ( )aspects. Everything, from art toscience and music to math, evenrecess experiences, has all threelevels.

At Sparhawk’s Lower and MiddleSchools, the teacher’s job is toprepare and maintain a rich learningenvironment, to observe at each level,and then to decide on interactionsthat optimize individual learning at alllevels.

Sparhawk High School has moved and is now located 1 mile from ourPreK-8 campus in Amesbury, MA!To learn more about Sparhawk School, please call 978.388.5354 or visitwww.sparhawkschool.com.

The information contained in thiseducation feature was submitted bySparhawk School, and published inpartnership with North ShoreChildren & Families;www.northshorefamilies.com.

Education Feature

The Sparhawk FormulaA Mosaic of Teaching and Learning Styles

Sparhawk School is a private day school that enrolls students from preschoolthrough high school. The school is, rightfully, proud of the fact that 100% of itsgraduates have been accepted to at least one of their top three college choices.“But,” says headmaster, Louise Stilphen, “what we are most proud of is the cultureof kindness that exists at Sparhawk; it sets the stage for the learning successesthat abound.“ Honoring Children and Celebrating Ideas is a way of life atSparhawk. The following is an article of general interest to parents of youngchildren. It is also the lens through which we view learning experiences atSparhawk School.


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Meaningful ConsequencesContinued from page 8

as an example, here are four parts of meaningful consequences to a child’smisbehavior.

1. Identify what is motivating the child. Acknowledge the child’sinterests and feelings. Identify Toby’s interests. Toby wants the toy. Hesees his sister as an obstacle to getting the toy. It may be difficult for him towait to get the toy, or perhaps Toby doesn’t know how to ask for the toy ina socially sensitive way.

2. Explain the nature of the rule that the child violated. State theviolated rule (e.g., “we never just grab things from other people”). Explainthe basis for the rule (e.g., “When she is playing with the toy, it is up to herto decide whether you can have it.”; “Simply grabbing means that you don’tcare about your sister’s feelings.”). Explain how breaking the rule fails toadvance the child’s interests (e.g., “If you grab toys from your sister orfriends, they will not want to play with you…”).

3. Provide meaningful consequences to the child’s action. When Tobypushes his sister, make sure that his actions are not successful. That is, makesure that he does not get the toy; he does not remove his sister as anobstacle to getting the toy. Point out that as a consequence of his actions,Toby will not only fail to get the toy, he will also have to deal with and makeamends with his sister (e.g., would his sister appreciate an apology? Wouldapologizing bring about desired consequences?)!

4. Teach the child alternative ways to advance his interests. Show himspecific ways in which he can change his behavior to increase his chances ofgetting the toy (e.g., he could ask his sister for the toy). Have Toby actuallypractice the alternative way of behaving. It is important that the new


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The doctors and staff work with you and your child to assurehealthy teeth, gums and bite. They also try to develop a positive attitude about dentistry and cooperative attitudes about home care at an early age. These components together help parents and their children learn skills for a lifetime of healthy teeth.

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behavior actually advances the child’s interests – that is, that the child’sactions produce the consequences that the child seeks. If they do not, thelesson will be lost. Explain why the alternative actions are preferable andare more likely to work.

So, let’s put these principles into practice. Here are several ways of managingeffective consequences to Toby’s misbehavior with his sister:

• Toby! You just grabbed that toy from your sister! We never just takewhat we want; we have to ask for the things we want. [2: Stating theviolated rule; 4: Identifying an alternative behavior.] When yougrabbed the toy, you hurt her feelings. How would you like it if your

sister grabbed the toy from you? [2: Explaining the basis of theviolated rule.] Now give her the toy back. You are not going to beable to play with the toy if you are going to grab. [3: Consequencedirectly related to the interests that motivated child’sbehavior.]

• Now, you can’t just grab something from your sister. She was playingwith it and it is up to her whether or not she wanted to share it at thattime. How do you think your sister feels? What do you think youshould do? [2: Explaining the basis of the violated rule.] How doyou think she will feel if you were to apologize? Do you think she’d bemore or less likely to give you the toy if you were to apologize? [2.Further consequences directly related to the child’s actions.]

• I know you wanted the toy. It’s sometimes hard to wait when you wantsomething really badly and you can’t get it. [1: Identifying with thechild’s legitimate interest and acknowledging his feelings.]However, grabbing isn’t the way to get what you want. So, let’s trysomething different. If you want to play with the toy, you will have to askyour sister. Since she is playing with it right now, it’s up to her whetheror not she wants to give it up. She may or may not give it to you, butlet’s give it a try. Now, ask your sister for the toy. Don’t forget to sayplease. [4: Identifying and putting into practice a new behaviorthat will advance the child’s legitimate interests.]

There is no particular order in which these various features of a meaningfulconsequence should be made. What is most important is that the child’sinappropriate behavior is not tolerated, and empathic attempts are made tofoster the development of alternative and more appropriate ways of advancingthe child’s interests.


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Providing meaningful consequences is not the same as giving children rewardsand punishments. Although there are some similarities, there are importantdifferences as well. Let’s examine the similarities and differences.

Meaningful consequences are not punishments. First of all, ameaningful consequence is not a punishment. Punishment involves givingsomeone something unpleasant when they perform an unwanted behavior.Johnny stole some cookies and is therefore sent to his room. Jill pushed Jackdown the hill and therefore gets a spanking. Jane didn’t do her homeworkand so she will not be able to go to the movies this weekend.

Punishment is not an effective way to manage children’s behavior. Punishmentis simply ineffective in creating long-term compliance. Punishment works onlyin the short-term, and then, only in two situations: (a) when the punisher ispresent, and (b) when punishment is extremely severe.

To prove this to yourself, simply observe what happens to your speeding (yes,you do this) when you see a police officer. You see the police officer and youslow down; when you no longer see the police officer, your speed is back upto its normal law-breaking level. If the police officer gives you a ticket, you

Not Just Rewards & Punishments

Parenting

North Shore Children & Families 13may slow down for a longer period of time. But then, after a few days(hours?), your speed is back to “normal”. When do you really slow down?When the police officer gives you a $5,000 ticket, cancels your license for ayear, and sentences you to one year of hard labor. Under thesecircumstances, you’ll never speed again. But short of that, punishment isastonishingly temporary.

Meaningful consequences are not punishments. When a child nags his parentfor ice cream, the consequence for nagging is a firm refusal to purchase icecream! Perhaps the consequence is, “I will not talk with you until the whiningstops”. This is not a punishment. It is a meaningful consequence to the child’swhining. It is meaningful to the child because it says to the child: Do youwant ice cream? Do you want to talk with me? I will give that to you onlywhen you stop whining and start speaking calmly.

Meaningful consequences are not “rewards”. Or, at least they are not“external” rewards. When we think of rewards, we think of stars, stickers andprizes. Whenever Jeremy says “please” while making a request, he’ll get a star.Twenty stars and he gets a prize. Can this work? Only in the short term.And only if the child cares about the prize. And only if the child can link thestickers to the prize. And only if the child can hold out long enough to getthe prize. And then only as long as the prize system is operating – which isgenerally difficult for parents to maintain. That’s too many “only ifs”.

To the extent that a child gets something that he wants for performing adesired action, a meaningful consequence is like a reward. However,meaningful consequences are organized not around some external rewardthat is unrelated to the situation at hand; instead, the parent makes the child’sinterests in the here-and-now into the “reward”. For example, the parentmight say, “If you want something for breakfast, you can’t simply say, ‘I’mhungry!’. If you say that, I will not respond to you. But if you say, ‘Can I havesome breakfast, please?’, you’ll find that I’ll respond quite enthusiasticallyindeed!” The parent did not wait around for the child to say “please” and

then reward the child with a sticker. The parent identified what wasimportant to the child in the context, and withheld that important somethinguntil the child performed the desired action. The child’s own interests serveas his eventual reward.

Transforming Children’s Everyday Interests into Long-Term Incentives

Meaningful consequences work because they turn a child’s own importantgoals, desires and interests into their own rewards. The “reward” is not anexternal prize that exists sometime in the future and is unrelated to thebehaviors that a parent wants to promote or eliminate. Instead, the “reward”comes from the child’s real and palpable interests that exist in the here andnow. Jaime wants that ball now; that’s why she grabbed it. Removing the ballhas very real motivational effects. Jaime is quite motivated to learn how shecan get the ball appropriately. And when she does, she’ll see that you werethe one there to help. This type of interaction is something that can happenevery day; over time, it simply gets worked into the fabric of the moment-by-moment interactions of everyday life.

It is also possible to use meaningful consequences to motivate children topursue more long-term goals. As described above, parents and educatorsoften try to motivate behavior change using reward systems such as stickercharts and stars, prizes, and so forth. These systems are limited in that theyare several steps removed from what motivates children in moment-by-moment everyday interactions. However, it is possible to increase theeffectiveness of such “reward systems” by using children’s deeply-felt everydayinterests as the long term incentive.

To do this, simply identify your child’s deeply felt interests. Make thefulfillment of these interests contingent on the compliance with a given rule



Not Just Rewards & PunishmentsContinued from page 13

or on the development of adesired skill or behavior. Hereis an example of how one familyused this approach to teachtheir 10-year-old what it meansto be “grateful”:

Ten-year-old Kenneth wasgetting difficult to deal with.He seemed to think that hewas the center of theuniverse. He didn’t say“Please” or “Thank you”.He didn’t seem grateful foranything. He walked aroundthinking that somehow theworld owed him whateverhe wanted: He was anentitled little boy. Hismother and father grewtired of Kenneth’s “bad

attitude”. So, they reasoned: How can I get Kenneth to see that he isnot entitled to all the privileges that he gets?

His parents settled on a clever scheme. What does Kenneth love

most of all? Computer time. What does he feel he is most entitledto? Computer time. Let’s teach him that computer time is aprivilege and not a given. Kenneth’s mom: “You are walking aroundhere thinking that you are entitled to anything you want! You whinewhen you don’t get what you want! You don’t seem grateful for whatyou have. We’re tired of this type of behavior.”

“You get one hour of computer time each day. Having a computer isa privilege, it’s not something you are owed. Feeling grateful meansbeing aware that you couldn’t have the computer at all if it were notfor other people – in this case, you couldn’t have the computerwithout the kindness of your father and me.”

“So this is what we are going to do. Right now, you have lost theprivilege of computer time. But you can earn your computer timeback. To earn it back, starting now, we want you to identify 20 goodthings that other people do for you out of the kindness of theirhearts. Each time this happens, you are to thank them for doing it.Then, come to one of us and tell us what happened. Tell us exactlywhy you feel grateful. We’ll write it down on this card. When you getto 20, you get your computer time back.”

Kenneth wasted no time in identifying his 20 grateful moments. Why?Because computer time was so important to him. He couldn’t imagine lifewithout it. In implementing this system, Kenneth’s parents were able to linkKenneth’s interests – computer time – to the development of a desired skillrelated to Kenneth’s time on the computer: Feeling grateful for things thatwere done for him (including computer time). Kenneth learned somethingmeaningful from this activity. Kenneth’s parents merely have to remind him of“the grateful task” in order to remind Kenneth to be grateful for the favorsthat are done for him. It works.

by Tricia Pini

You’ve taken all the steps to find agreat preschool or daycare programfor your child. It’s your child’s firstday of school and both you and sheare a wreck! You are feeling anxiousas you send your little one off to herfirst adventure in education. You areat the school. You are ready to dropoff your child for the first time. Yourchild begins to cry. Your heart isabout to break. You want to consoleher. What do you do?

The best thing to do is probably thehardest thing to do: Drop off your childand go.

This is often a difficult thing for manyparents to do. After all, you love yourchild and you want to console him.

Reader Contribution

Transitions: Drop Off and Go

Who can console your child betterthan you? How cold it feels to just upand leave! But if you have done theleg work to choose a program you

feel is a good fit for your little boy orgirl, then you can rest assured thatyour child will be fine. If youryoungster often cries or is sulky whenyou leave him, don’t worry. Teachers

encounter this at the beginning ofevery school year and are well-equipped to help your child with thetransition from home to school.

Several years ago, a lovely familyenrolled their youngest child in ourlocal program. Brenda was a lovingand caring mother, and her son Jacobwas extremely clingy. Against ouradvice, Brenda would enter the roomwith Jacob and take care of hisbelongings. She would then carry himacross the room and have him sit onher lap as she read book after bookto him. He quietly cried the entiretime. Our staff suggested that itwould best for Jacob if his motherwere to stay for only a minute andthen give him a loving goodbye.Brenda simply couldn’t bring herselfto do it. She would read to Jacob inthe rocking chair for nearly an hour!She would then leave when we beganour morning meeting. Jacob would




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sob uncontrollably through the entiremeeting. Eventually, a teacher wouldhave to remove Jacob from the roomuntil he could control his crying. Thisscenario made for an uncomfortablebeginning of the day for the teachers,the children and for Jacob. The onlyperson who felt good was Brenda.Jacob’s behavior changed only whenwe were able to convince her to dropJacob off and leave. It was hard forher, but she soon came to see that itwas the best thing for everyone.

One of the most extreme episodes ofseparation anxiety I’ve had to dealwith is of 3 year-old Liam. Liam hadnearly always been with someone inhis immediate family before enteringour program. On rare occasions, hisparents would have one of thegrandparents come to their home towatch him for date night. His mother,Jessica, was distraught over leaving

him at school. She warned us of hissevere separation anxiety and weassured her we would help him.

Liam arrived with Jessica the first dayof school. Jessica followed all thesteps we advised:

1. Don’t sneak out without sayinggoodbye

2. Reassure Liam she’ll be back in awhile (before lunch)

3. Give him a big hug; tell him sheloves him

4. Then LEAVE!

We were so proud of Jessica. Shefollowed all the steps – even when wewere honest and told her Liamscreamed for nearly an hour and thenfell asleep on the rug near thecubbies. When Liam woke up an hourlater, he simply stood up and joinedour group on the rug. He went aboutthe rest of his morning withoutincident, and greeted Jessica with ahuge hug when she came to pick him

up. This pattern continued for abouttwo weeks, and suddenly Liam wassaying goodbye to Jessica as soon asshe signed him in, and ran off to playwith new friends.

So many parents delay saying goodbyeto their anxious child when droppingher off at school. Often I feel parentsdo this to diminish their own(understandably!) conflicted feelingsabout having someone else care fortheir child while at school. Parentsmay feel that they are consoling theirchild about being left at school.However, their well-intentionedconsolations often have just theopposite effect: They tend to prolongrather than assuage the child’s anxiety.

“The longer you stay, the more hefeels he has an option to go homewith you.” This is the mantra I sharewith hesitant and well-meaningparents. Some parents have told methat they think I’m too harsh.However, when parents linger duringtransitions, their good intentions tendto backfire. They are unknowinglyhurting their child by allowing her to

feel there is a chance to leave as longas Mommy is in the room. But if achild has separation anxiety, he willcry when you are leaving whether ornot a parent lingers for 3 minutes or30 minutes.

It’s not easy – for you or your child –to leave your children in the care ofothers. Remember what’s best orfeels best to you isn’t always what’sbest for your child. To help ease thetransition, discuss with your child howyou will say goodbye. And then stickto the plan. If you linger too long,your son or daughter is likely to feelyour apprehension and become evenmore anxious. Which do you wantfor your child? A few days crying atdrop-off and then smooth sailing? Ora drawn out period during which yourchild is confused and anxious? If youare strong and consistent, your littleone will quickly learn to love school,make new friends and transition fromhome to school without a problem.

Tricia Pini is a North Shore parentand early childhood educator.


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A traveler came upon a group of three hard-at-work stonemasons, and asked each what he was doing.

The first said, “I am sanding down this block of marble.”

The second said, “I am preparing a foundation.”

The third said, “I am building a cathedral.”

Ben is the groundskeeper at a park. The park is impeccably clean. Ben workshard. I sometimes see him with his long stick, poking paper cups, wrappersand other debris left behind by unthinking park users. It is quite a job keepingthis big park clean.

Why is Ben’s park so clean? Because he doesn’t pick up trash.

Well, of course Ben picks up the trash – I mean, that’s part of his job! He’sthe one who picks up the trash and keeps the place so clean.

But the point is that the reason why the park is so clean is because Ben’s jobis not to pick up trash; his job is to be the groundskeeper. Picking up the trashis simply something that is done in order to keep the grounds. But keepingthe grounds is what matters.

What’s the difference between keeping the grounds and picking up trash?When Ben keeps the grounds, he is concerned about keeping the parkbeautiful. He wants the grounds to look just so. In contrast, picking up trash

is just an act. It’s about the trash. It’s about picking up these cups, and thenthose wrappers and then those cigarette butts and so forth.

The difference is akin to the difference between laying bricks and building acathedral. Anyone who has acquired the requisite skills can build bricks. But ifI am a bricklayer, and I see myself as building a cathedral, then my actions gainmeaning. I am part of something much bigger than myself – the process ofbuilding this beautiful cathedral. I have pride in what I am building. I want todo the best job in laying these bricks because how I lay these bricks willdetermine what this cathedral looks like.

There is a second difference between being a groundskeeper and picking upthe trash. Another meaning of the word “keep” is “to posses” – to secure foroneself. When I keep the grounds, I am the one who is doing the keeping –they are my grounds. Of course, someone else owns the grounds; but what ismine about the grounds is their look. I am the one responsible for the look ofthese grounds.

The park is Ben’s cathedral. His work has value; he completes his work withdignity. He cares about what he is doing. He cares about the park and aboutwhat people think of the park when they use it. And, as a result, he caresabout the type of job he does. He cares about his park because his park is hiscathedral.

Ben is a real person whose quiet dignity was the inspiration for this story.

The Honor in Doing Your BestWhy Ben Doesn’t Pick Up Trash


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by Chelsea Madison

The bell is ringing, school has begunIt’s time for learning, hard work and funSo listen to your teachers, and don’t be lateGet your homework done, don’t hesitate!

Remember your manners, and raise your handWhen you have a question,

or don’t understandYour teacher will help you,

and soon you will seeThat learning is important for you and for me!

Think of yourself as a small lump of clayYour education helps mold you

into something one dayBut only with lots of hard work and with careJust who will you be when you

finally get there?

Do you want to be a doctor or teacher or cook?

Or an astronaut or boat captain with dinner on the hook?

Or a pilot or a writer or musician with the band?

Do you know before you get there – there is so much to understand?

Who you’ll be is in the making, and there is no time to waste

Your education is a precious gift – and homework should not be done in haste!

It’s not something to “get over” – it’s the gas that takes you far!

Will you be an okay student or a scholastic superstar?

Make friends with books and your library, you’ll find great help there, too!

Get lost in adventure and mystery, with a book for an hour or two

You’ll become a smarter person, as you grow and learn and change

The world is yours to grab, my friend, it’s all within your range

And in a few short years, you will seeThe person you were meant to be!Will you be on track, or left behind?It’s up to you, this is your time!

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Community CalendarTo Submit to our Community Calendar:Please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com and submit your listings directly through our website.From our Home Page – click on Calendar – then click on Submit in the upper right corner and our formwill open for you to complete and submit your listings.

While we will make every attempt to post all appropriate listings in our Community Calendar, space islimited – and priority will be given to those events that are free and family-friendly – and those submitted byour advertising partners & sponsors.

Calendar listings are generally due by the 15th of each month prior and must be submittedthrough our website. If you need to guarantee that your listing will be posted – please contact Suzanne toadvertise. See our current Calendar for our upcoming issue deadlines.

To advertise, please contact Suzanne at [email protected] or 781.584.4569.

For complete listing accuracy, we recommend that you call ahead or checkthe websites listed. Featured listings do notconstitute an endorsement from thispublisher and we encourage our readers toalways do their own research.

SEPTEMBER IS THE MONTH FOR:Classical Music, Hispanic Heritage,Fall Hats, International SquareDancing, Blueberry Popsicles,Courtesy, Pianos, Chickens, BabySafety, Little League, Honey, Self-Improvement, Better Breakfasts, CableTV, Children’s Eye Health & Safety,Library Card Sign-Ups, PediculosisPrevention, Rice, School Success,Sewing, Read a New Book, Women ofAchievement.

Week 1: Child Injury Prevention;Week 2: Housekeepers; Week 3: ChildCare, Farm Animals, Flowers; Week 4:Equal Parents, Dogs, Roller Skating

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Save $5 off your purchase of $25+,with the ad on page 18 – atChildren’s Orchard, 75 High St.,Danvers! They buy & sell gently wornitems. www.childrensorchard.com

It’s almost time to close your pool(or save $1,000 – end of season poolsale!), so don’t miss the ads onpages 4 & 12 – with lots of greatcoupons & offers from GibraltarPools & Spas, Route 1, Topsfield!

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The North Shore Party PlannerTo advertise, please contact [email protected].

OCTOBER ISSUEDEADLINES!

Ad Space ClosesFri., Sept. 16

All Ads Due/Done By

Tues., Sept. 20

October CalendarListings Due ByTues., Sept. 20

Please submit your listings directly through our website.

To secure your ad space:suzanne@

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Music Together has a special offerfor families – see page 19 for locations& more info.; take a free trial class!

Bay State Skating School, Learn toSkate Lessons, ages 4.5-adults; visitwww.baystateskatingschool.org for arearink locations (Medford: Flynn & LoConte rinks) & class times.

WEDNESDAYS:

Open School Wednesdays, 9-11am,at Harborlight Montessori School,Beverly. www.harborlightmontessori.org

2nd WEDNESDAY OF EACHMONTH:

La Leche League of Beverly &Peabody meets on the 2nd Wed. of eachmonth at 10am at St. John’s LutheranChurch, 32 Ellsworth Rd., Peabody(corner of Ellsworth and King St.). Allbreastfeeding mothers & mothers-to-beare welcome for help & info.

FRIDAYS, SATURDAYS &SUNDAYS:

Guided Kayak Tours, ages 10+, memb.$35, non-memb. $45. Fridays, Saturdays &Sundays – 2-4:30pm – through Sept. 25.Crane Beach education staff, in assoc.w/Essex River Basin Adventures, willguide you on a kayak tour of Essex Bay &the Crane Wildlife Refuge. Registrationrequired: 978.380.4319 orwww.thetrustees.org/things-to-do.

ATTENTION SCHOOLS, FAIRS & EVENTS:

Green Infusion presents In SmallSteps, an environmentalpresentation. Listen to original songs,

Murder on The Dance Floor, ComedyMystery Interactive dinner show,Sept. 24, 7-10pm at The GloucesterHouse Restaurant. $39.95pp, includesdinner & show. Advance tix only:978.879.9293.

NOW THROUGH NOVEMBER 6:

Kimball Farm Corn Maze, Haverhill;ages 6+, $9/adults, $7/children 12 &under. www.kimballfarmcornmaze.com

SEPTEMBER 4:

Newspaper Carrier Day

SEPTEMBER 5:

Labor Day

Be Late for Something Day; CheesePizza Day

SEPTEMBER 6:

Distribution begins for ourSeptember issue (print version);delayed until our schools resume.

Fight Procrastination Day; Read aBook Day

sing along, learn to help the environmentand discover your green heart. [email protected] or978.744.9124. See ad on page 21.

GET TICKETS NOW FOR:

North Shore Music Theatre boxoffice is open for all remainingmusicals & concerts! Musicals: TheKing and I, Sept. 27-Oct. 9; Legally Blonde,Nov. 1-13; A Christmas Carol, Dec. 2-23.Concerts/Events: B.B. King, Sept. 1;Steve Tyrell, Sept. 10; Kenny Rogers, Sept.17; Harvey Robbins’ Royalty of Rock ‘N Roll,Oct. 22. For tix & info.: www.nsmt.org or978.232.7200.

Salem Theatre Co. opens Season 9with The Woman in Black, Sept. 29-Oct. 15; www.salemtheatre.com.

Victorian Family Day, December 3,10am-9pm, at Old Town Hall inSalem. Net proceeds benefit Make AWish Foundation. Featuring marionettes,Santa visit, Dickens Parlor Performances,games, story time, crafts, GermanCotillion, Old Curiosity Shop & more.For schedule & tix:www.dickensnorthofboston.com.

Community CalendarContinued from page 19



ATTENTION SCHOOLS,FAIRS & EVENTS!

Discover your green heart!Book your date today! Contact

[email protected]!Now booking presentation dates

for late summer & fall.www.green-infusion.com

978.744.9124

presents

In Small Stepsan environmental presentation

• Performances for schools, fairs and special events

• Listen to original songs• Sing along • Take a visual journey

• Learn to help the environment• Meet Naz and friends

Mature, stay at home mom has room for your child

in her home and her heart.

Looking for Quality Childcare?

Miss Wendy’s

FULL TIME INFANT OPENINGS!

Infants • Toddlers School Age • After School Care

Space is limited.Licensed childcare. MA Lic. 2080546.

Reliable. Responsible.Great location in quiet,

safe Salem (MA) neighborhood –near playgrounds, beach and park.

Miss Wendy 508.843.0848

Plumfield Academy A Charlotte Mason School

for positive and creative students in grades 1-8.

Experience the Gentle Art of Learning

123 Dayton St., Danverswww.plumfieldacademy.org

We may be the answer to your prayer.Call us at 978.304.0273.

• Stimulating Great Books Curriculum• 8/1 Student-Teacher Ratio

• Family Time Respected• Tuition - $9,000 - no additional fees

Open House

Fri. Sept. 9, 5pm

Cook out & games for the kids!

SEPTEMBER 8:

International Literacy Day; PardonDay; Date Nut Bread Day

SEPTEMBER 8 – 11:

Cravings: Songs of Hunger &Satisfaction, a cabaret w/food by BelleLinda Halpern at Salem Theatre Co.,Salem. Tix $35pp, avail. online:www.salemtheatre.com.

SEPTEMBER 9:

Happy Birthday, Lorelei! Love, Caroline xo

Teddy Bear Day

Plumfield Academy Open HouseCookout, 5-7pm, for families ofgrade school children. 123 Dayton St.,Danvers; games for the kids, parents visitwith staff. www.plumfieldacademy.org

Mom & Baby Yoga, FREE trial class,North Shore Yoga Studio, Beverly.www.northshoreyogastudio.com

SEPTEMBER 10:

Happy 17th Anniversary, Miss Wendy & Jim! xo

Sewing Machine Day; Swap Ideas Day

SEPTEMBER 11:

Remembering those we lost on9/11/01.

Grandparents’ Day; Make Your BedDay; Pet Memorial Day

SEPTEMBER 12:

Full Moon; Video Games Day

WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 12:

Itsy-Bitsy Yoga, Preschool Yoga, Kids’Yoga, Teen Yoga & KindermusikFREE trial classes all week at NorthShore Yoga Studio, Beverly! Forschedule & info.:www.northshoreyogastudio.com.

SEPTEMBER 13:

"Bachelor's Button" Parent &Child classes begin at Cape Ann Waldorf School! Tuesday mornings,

full-year program for children aged 2.6to 3.6yrs & parent/caregiver (9-11:30am).Class includes free play, circle time withsongs & rhymes, puppetry, etc. & a healthysnack. Contact Admissions at978.927.1936 to register. Classes are heldat the school's new location, 701 CabotSt., Beverly, Moraine Farm on Rte. 97.www.capeannwaldorf.org

Defy Superstition Day; Fortune CookieDay; Peanut Day; Positive ThinkingDay; Uncle Sam Day

Author John Irving, part of SSUSpeaker Series, 8pm at O’KeefeSports Complex, Salem. For tix:www.salemstate.edu/series.

SEPTEMBER 14:

Happy Birthday, Aunt Jean! xo

"Morning Glory" Parent &Child classes begin at Cape Ann Wal-dorf School! For children 20 mos.to 3.6yrs & parent/caregiver. 10-week ses-sion meets every Wednesday & includes

free play, circle time with songs & rhymes,puppetry, etc. & a healthy snack. Choose amorning or afternoon session (9-11am or12:30-2:30pm). Contact Admissions at978.927.1936 to register. Classes are heldat the school's new location, 701 CabotSt., Beverly, Moraine Farm on Rte. 97.www.capeannwaldorf.org

SEPTEMBER 15:

"Bachelor's Button" Parent &Child classes begin at Cape Ann Wal-dorf School! Thursday mornings, full-yearprogram for children aged 2.6 to 3.6yrs &parent/caregiver (9-11:30am). See 9/13listing for more info.;contact Admissions at 978.927.1936 to register.

"Morning Glory for the YoungestChild" Parent & Child classes begin atCape Ann Waldorf School! For chil-dren 3-19 mos & their parent/caregiver.10-week session meets every Thursday(12:30-2pm); see 9/14 listing for moreinfo. Contact Admissions at 978.927.1936to register.


Issue Ad Space Deadline Ads Due

October Fri., Sept. 16 Tues., Sept. 20November Fri., Oct. 14 Tues., Oct. 18Winter (Dec./Jan.) Fri., Nov. 18 Tues., Nov. 22

2011 PUBLISHING SCHEDULE

Attention Advertisers: Ask us about our …… “Try Us!” program for new advertisers

… Annual advertising frequency programs… The Annual Planner for Schools program… The North Shore Party Planner program

… Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase series

… Service DirectoryTarget your message to North Shore parents.

We’ve got the North Shore covered!

To explore your advertising options or to secure your space, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or

[email protected] learn more, please visit

www.northshorefamilies.com.

North Shore Children & Families is available for free each month at over 425 family-frequented locations throughout the North Shore!

Community CalendarContinued from page 21

SEPTEMBER 16:

Advertising Space ReservationDEADLINE at NOON for ALLADS for our OCTOBER issue! Toadvertise, [email protected]!

Collect Rocks Day; Step Family Day;Mayflower Day; Play Doh Day;POW/MIA Recognition Day; WorkingParents’ Day

The Boston String Quartet atSalem Theatre Co., Salem; 7:30pm.Tix $18/advance atwww.salemtheatre.com, $20/door.

SEPTEMBER 17:

Constitution Day; Apple DumplingDay; Citizenship Day; Oktoberfestbegins

Auditions for Winter Performances:North Shore Civic Ballet is seekingintermediate & advanced dancers for newwinter ballet. Auditions at MarbleheadSchool of Ballet, 115 Pleasant St., at4:30pm. 781.631.6262 for info.

SEPTEMBER 18:

Women’s Friendship Day; Happy 160th

Birthday, NY Times!

SEPTEMBER 19:

Talk Like a Pirate Day; ButterscotchPudding Day

SEPTEMBER 20:

"Let's Talk Media" Forum, 7-8:30pm. An engaging evening of lively discussionabout raising & educating children in ourmedia-saturated culture. A great night toshare experiences, ideas & to offer sup-port. Cape Ann Waldorf School, 701Cabot St., Beverly, Moraine Farm on Rte.97. www.capeannwaldorf.org

Community Calendar listings’ deadlinefor OCTOBER issue! Please submit

your listings for OCTOBER events di-rectly through our website (see begin-ning of this Calendar for details).

SEPTEMBER 21:

UN International Day of Peace;Miniature Golf Day; World GratitudeDay

SEPTEMBER 22:

Happy Birthday, John Postol! xo

Business Women’s Day; ElephantAppreciation Day; Dear Diary Day

SEPTEMBER 23:

Autumnal Equinox; signals thebeginning of Fall. Enjoy Fall & HarvestFestivals as you sense the closure of agreat Summer and the coming ofWinter.

Native American Day; Checkers’ Day;Dog in Politics Day; Great AmericanPot Pie Day

Breastfeeding Support Group fornew & experienced moms, 10-11:30am, free in the Parent Lounge at

Harborlight Nursery School, Beverly.www.bace-nmc.org

SEPTEMBER 27:

Happy Birthday, Dad! I love you! xo

SEPTEMBER 28:

Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year)begins at sundown. Mazel tov!

Ask A Stupid Question Day; GoodNeighbor Day; Moon Festival

North of Boston Secondary SchoolFair, hosted by Austin PreparatorySchool, Reading, 6:30-8pm. Over 60Private Secondary Schools will berepresented! For parents of 6th-8th gradestudents who are considering applying toprivate school. For more info., see theback cover or call 781.944.4900, ext. 835or visit www.austinprepschool.org.

SEPTEMBER 30:

Deadline to enter to win ourSeptember contests – 2 toenter! See page 2!

CHILD DAY CARE

Andover/No. Andover YMCAChild Day Care

978.685.3541www.mvymca.org

Miss Wendy’s ChildcareSalem

F/T infant openings!See ad on page 21!


Clark SchoolDanvers

978.777.4699www.clarkschool.com

Covenant Christian AcademyWest Peabody978.535.7100

www.covenantchristianacademy.org

Harborlight MontessoriBeverly

978.922.1008www.harborlightmontessori.org

The Phoenix SchoolSalem

978.741.0870www.phoenixschool.org

Plumfield AcademyDanvers

978.304.0273www.plumfieldacademy.org

Shore Country Day SchoolBeverly

978.927.1700www.shoreschool.org

Sparhawk SchoolAmesbury

978.388.5354www.sparhawkschool.com

Tower SchoolMarblehead

781.631.5800www.towerschool.org

Waring SchoolBeverly

978.927.8793www.waringschool.org

Service Directory

SCHOOLS

SCHOOLS

ART INSTRUCTION

DENTAL CARE

DENTAL CARE

ENTERTAINMENT

DANCE INSTRUCTION

HEALTH & WELLNESS

TUTORING

CHILDREN’S CLOTHING & MORE!

DEVELOPMENTAL LEARNING

TheArtRoomTopsfield

978.887.8809www.theartroomstudio.com

MUSIC INSTRUCTION

FUN & FITNESS

Brain BalanceAchievement Centers

Danvers978.705.9570

www.brainbalancecenters.com

Music TogetherSee our ad on page 19!

www.joyfulmusic.comwww.musictogethersalem.com

Andover Pediatric DentistryAndover & Lawrence

Locationswww.andoverpediatricdentistry.com

Malden Family DentalMalden

781.388.0900www.malden-familydental.com

EARLY EDUCATION

Little SproutsSeveral North Shore Locations

877.977.7688www.littlesprouts.com

Next Generation Children’s CentersLocations include Andover & Beverly

866.711.NGCCwww.ngccenters.com

FAMILY FUN

Gibraltar Pools & SpasTopsfield

978.887.2424www.usaswim.com

Bay State DanceMedford, Stoneham, No. Reading

978.270.9983www.baystatedance.com

Austin Preparatory SchoolReading

781.944.4900www.austinprepschool.org

Brookwood SchoolManchester

978.526.4500www.brookwood.edu

Cape Ann Waldorf SchoolBeverly

978.927.1936www.capeannwaldorf.org

Green InfusionAn environmental presentation

for schools, fairs & events!www.green-infusion.com

North Shore Music TheatreBeverly

978.232.7200www.nsmt.org

Boston Ballet School/NS StudioMarblehead

781.456.6380www.bostonballet.org/school

A+ Reading CenterReading Tutor/Individual Lessons

Serving the North Shore781.799.2598

[email protected]

Children’s Orchard - new location!

75 High St., Danvers978.777.3355

www.childrensorchard.com

Mass General/North Shore Centerfor Outpatient Care, Danvers &

NSMC Union Hospital, Lynnwww.nsmcfamilyresourcecenter.org

To advertise, contactSuzanne today!

[email protected]

October issue ad spacereservation deadline

is 9/16!

The Little GymDanvers and Woburn

www.tlgdanversma.comwww.tlgwoburnma.com

North Shore Yoga StudioBeverly

978.857.9063www.northshoreyogastudio.com

Roller World Skating CenterSaugus

781.231.1111www.roller-world.com

Drs. Merle, Zicherman & Associates

Peabody & Lynnwww.mzdental.com

Northside Dental CarePeabody

978.535.8244www.northside-dentalcare.com

North of Boston Secondary School

FairHosted by

Austin Preparatory School, Reading, MA

Wednesday, September 28, 2011 • 6:30-8pm

Austin Preparatory School, 101 Willow Street, ReadingFor more info.: 781.944.4900 ext. 835 or www.austinprepschool.org.

Over 60 Private Secondary Schools Will Be Represented!If your child is currently a 6th, 7th or 8th grader and is considering applying to private school,

this is a great opportunity to check out over 60 regional and local private, Catholic, Christian and Episcopal schools!

Academy of Notre DameArlington Catholic High SchoolAustin Preparatory SchoolAvon Old Farms SchoolBelmont Hill SchoolBishop Fenwick High SchoolBoston College High SchoolBoston University AcademyBradford Christian AcademyBrewster AcademyThe British School of BostonBrooks SchoolCambridge School of WestonCanterbury SchoolCatholic Memorial High SchoolCentral Catholic High SchoolChapel Hill - Chauncy Hall SchoolCheshire AcademyClark SchoolCommonwealth SchoolCovenant Christian Academy

Cushing AcademyDana Hall SchoolDeerfield AcademyDublin SchoolEagle Hill SchoolFryeburg AcademyGovernor’s AcademyGroton SchoolHebron AcademyKent SchoolKents Hill SchoolLandmark SchoolLawrence AcademyLexington Christian AcademyLowell Catholic High SchoolMalden Catholic High SchoolMatignon High SchoolMiddlesex SchoolMilton AcademyMount Alvernia AcademyMount Saint Joseph AcademyNew Hampton School

Newman SchoolPhillips AcademyPhillips Exeter AcademyPingree SchoolPomfret SchoolPope John XXIII High SchoolPresentation of Mary AcademyRoss SchoolSt. Clement Parish SchoolsSt. John’s Preparatory SchoolSt. Johnsbury AcademySt. Mary’s High SchoolSt. Paul’s SchoolSparhawk SchoolTilton SchoolVermont AcademyWaldorf High SchoolWhite Mountain SchoolWilbraham and Monson SchoolWilliston Northampton SchoolWorcester Academy

Schools Attending:

North Shore Children & Families, September, 2011

Documents

austinpreparatory school

north reading

ouroctober issue

issue october2011

school year status

thenew school year

school support staffs

welcome backto school