The Jersey DEVILer: “If you want to fly, you have to give up everything that weighs you down.” Disclaimer: The Jersey DEVILer is a funny/satirical/parody/spoof, funny newspaper and website published by The Jersey DEVILer. (KLC Enterprises) Advertisers are not responsible for content. All humor is to be taken as humor, and does not reflect the personal or ethical beliefs of The Jersey Deviler. The jokes are not meant to harm or offend anyone, but to entertain and bring a smile to your day. We hope that everyone will read this publication in that spirit. The DEVILer uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of our web-site (graphics, text and other elements) is © Copyright The Jersey DEVILer and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher. The DEVILer is not intended for people under 17yrs of age. The Deviler gets jokes and cartoons from various sources, so if you find any of the jokes or cartoons to be copyrighted, please let us know so that we can give credit where credit is due. All jokes, photographs, and cartoons are welcome. Send your entertaining contributions to our mailing address. Photos and artwork will not be returned. Check us out @ www.thesouthjerseydeviler.com Copyright 2021 Publisher/Editor: Ken Camp P.O. Box 691, Elmer, N.J. 08318 (KLC Enterprises) The 1st. copy of this publication is FREE. Each additional copy is priced at $1.00 (This does not include mailed subscriptions.) CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION This ‘Special Edition’ was written without any libations whatsoever! “There’s Stuff Flying Over Military Installations, and Nobody Knows What It Is.” Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) Rubio told a reporter this week that he is concerned about UFOs flying over U.S. military bases. Rubio is a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee and was its chairman before Democrats took over this year. This information comes as the Pentagon and intelligence agencies are slated to release a report about UFOs in June 2021. A TMZ news reporter then asked the Senator about whether aliens from outer space or the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) pose a larger threat to the United States. “There’s stuff flying over the top of our military installations and they don’t know who’s flying it, they don’t even know what it is,” Rubio told TMZ on March 22. “So that’s a problem. We need to find out if we can. Maybe it’s another country, and that would be bad news, too.” Former Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe last week noted, “When we talk about sightings, we are talking about objects that have been seen by Navy or Air Force pilots or have been picked up by satellite imagery that frankly engage in actions that are difficult to explain,” Ratcliffe told Fox Business on March 19. “Movements that are hard to replicate, that we don’t have the technology for, or traveling at speeds that exceed the sound barrier without a sonic boom.” He added that Americans would be surprised about the number of sightings. “When we talk about sightings, the other thing I will tell you is, it’s not just a pilot or just a satellite or some intelligence collection,” he told Fox Business. “Usually, we have multiple sensors that are picking up these things, and some of these are unexplained phenomenon, and there is actually quite a few more than have been made public.” Ratcliffe said these “sightings have happened all over the world.” The Perfect Diet A terribly overweight blonde woman goes to her doctor about her weight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat vegetables and grains for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 3 weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 15 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping." Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!" Well, to be Frank I’d have to change my name. This issue is dedicated to my good friend/best man/Navy veteran Arthur Rollar who passed from this Earth on Easter Sunday... RIP A Catholic priest buys a lawn mower at a yard sale. Back at the rectory, he pulls on the starter rope a few times with no results. He storms back to the yard sale and tells the previous owner, “I can’t get the mower to start!” “That’s because you have to curse to get it started,” says the man. “I’m a man of the cloth. I don’t even remember how to curse.” “You keep pulling on that damn rope, and it’ll come back to you.” An older married couple had been out shopping for most of the day. Suddenly the wife realized that her husband had disappeared. Somewhat irate she called her husband’s cell phone and demanded, “Where the hell are you? I just turned around and you were gone!” Husband: “Honey, do you remember that jewelry shop where you saw that beautiful gold necklace and totally fell in love with it but I didn’t have the money at that time and I said “Darling it’ll be yours one day.’” Wife: tremulously, “Oh yes, I do remember that my love.” Husband: “Well I'm in the liquor shop next to that jewelry store.” Amos A., Egg Harbor Twp., NJ Old habits are hard to break! Our boatswain's mate was a cigar smoker who would toss his matches overboard. Then one day, he surprised us all when he popped a cigar in his mouth and produced an expensive lighter from his pocket. With great fanfare, he flipped open the top, flicked the spark wheel, lit his cigar ... then chucked the lighter overboard. Edward D., Monroeville, NJ Husband to wife. “Honey, can I have a puppy for my birthday instead of cake? Wife to Boyd, “No, you can have cake & ice cream like everyone else!”