Nightmares

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I had been in the Country just over a week and was loving the life of an expatriate, the weather, the

freedom and everyday in a strange place was an adventure. The people you meet seem to have the

same attitude even after years away from home; I kept thinking I could get used to this place and

this life and not leave it for years. It should have dawned on me that most of the expats I met were

at the Pub and they may have gone there in a bad mood but after a drink or two life is wonderful

and every conversation is a Travel Brochure of why the place is wonderful.

At the bar I had made friends with a great couple, he was a construction manager from Denmark and

she was a local, she told me I “must” meet a local girl if I was going to live here as it would make my

life a lot easier and she had just the right cousin she wanted me to meet, god how many times I had

heard that back in Australia, but I was game.

We had arranged to meet at the same watering hole the next night and she would arrange for her

cousin to come along and meet me and as she said you never know Cupid may strike! Next day I

walked into the bar and noticed my two new friends among the crowd so made my way through and

ordered a drink and immediately asked her where is her cousin, she laughed and said that she would

arrive shortly. Typical of Asia shortly means anything up to a few hours so by the time she did get

there I was well and truly on my way to happy land and singing up a real storm in the place, it’s one

thing about us aussie’s no matter where we are in the world you can certainly here us.

Well my friends partner was right and the moment I laid eyes on her Cousin Cupid had shot his

arrow, my god she was so beautiful I was absolutely gob smacked she had the most amazing Grey

eyes (I felt stupid when I found out they were contacts) and this little aussie Fella for the first time in

a long time was stuck for words. She politely held out her hand and introduced herself and said its

very nice to meet you Mr. Shane, wow Mr. That was nice Mr. Shane I liked that.

The night went along really well, the new found love and I hit it off famously and at the end of the

evening exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch. The country I was in was a

Muslim Country of which I really didn’t at the stage understand very much at all about the culture

which made for a frustrating courtship with this new lady. I was so used to the Western way of boy

meets girl; boy and girl like each other, boy and girl pretty well go out again straight away. Well I

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called this lady so many times and asked her for coffee, lunch, dinner, breakfast, the zoo, a walk in

the park I was thinking its going to take so long I might be inviting her to my funeral!

Finally, she said yes and that was on the condition that another one of her cousins came along as

well, yep still very much into the chaperone stage in this culture. I said ok and all three of us had a

wonderful evening eating some of the country’s local delights. This chaperone scene lasted almost a

month and then finally I had to explain that even though I understand it, in the west two is Company

and three is a crowd. She looked at me, smiled and replied “To Enjoy the Coconut”? You have to take

your time and put in some hard work taking away the shell” So, I shut up and got used to it, funny

though after that it was only one more date and then she proclaimed that’s if it’s ok with me? we

are now classified as an item and it is therefore ok to go out alone. Wow.

We became inseparable, she introduced me to her wonderful country, taught me how to eat all the

different foods, the customs, the language, and I must admit her cousin was so right that doing

business in the place, became a damm sight easier with her showing me the ropes but moreover the

local business leaders were so happy when I introduced my girlfriend and they saw that she was

local. She also had a pretty well connected network of her own and was now starting to introduce

me to people that she knew, I was starting to think this was not only a great place but she was

making it even better.

My Dad once told me you really don’t know somebody till after a few months, takes a while Son for

the crack in the concrete to show, he was pretty smart my Dad, all relationships start off all Goo Goo

Gah Gah starry eyed and then as time goes on you start to see the “Real” and it may not be as good

as you first thought.

Well the cracks in the concrete came along slowly but surely but I put up with them, she was a little

bad tempered, a little possessive as in she didn’t like me going just about anywhere by myself, but it

was not bad I could put up with as the pros far outweighed the cons. However soon I was going to

find out a little more how possessive she was.

A good mate of mine from Australia was arriving, he had emailed me and asked could we get

together as he would only be in town for one night. I was so happy nothing like getting together with

an old mate over a few too many beers and having a good old laugh. I told the girlfriend he was

coming and I would be going out for a beer with him and she was not happy at all that I wanted to

go to a bar without her, a small argument but in the end she approved and I was showered and

dress and on my way out of the door.

In typical Aussie fashion my old mate and I had a great night a real boys night, drinking, singing and

laughing, chatted to a few girls introduced him to my local mates it was a top night. Far too soon the

clock struck late o’clock and it was time for last drinks and to go home. I escorted him back to his

hotel gave him a big hug and told him not to wait too long to meet up again. I was as happy as I

jumped into my car and proceeded to make my way home.

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I don’t know why but when I looked in the rear mirror I really felt that I was being followed, seems

when I turned left so would the car behind me, I would turn right and it would do the same, it wasn’t

close enough for me to see the number plate or style of car but its follow the leader mode really

made me think it was chasing me. I tried to forget about it but as I glanced up one more time, the car

was a lot closer now and I could see the number plate and I was shocked, it was my girlfriend’s car.

We pulled into the underground car park and before I had a chance to say “Honey I’m home” the

drama started.

She was yelling screaming, kicking my door, demanding I get out of the car, I couldn’t believe it she

was so angry those wonderful grey contacts had turned Fire Engine red. I opened the door and she

immediately jumped on me and started punching me and screaming at me, all I kept thinking was

shit what have I done.

I managed to subdue her and calm her down and told her we would talk about it inside, it’s too late

if she keeps shouting we will wake people up it’s not a good thing. She huffed and puffed and

stormed towards the lift and that 15 floor ride was silent except for the steam coming out of her

ears.

No sooner had we gotten inside the door did she start on me again, this time the punches were

quite nasty as were he nails scratching my face, I had enough and basically though I couldn’t hit her

so, I sat on her.

She promised to calm down; I told her I would let her up as soon as she told me what had caused her

to be so upset. She told me that she didn’t trust me so followed me to the bar and watched me the

whole night, she was so angry with me that I was having such a great time without her and how dare

I talk to other women. I made a big mistake, I told her “Whats wrong with speaking with other

women” and then I let her up. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife and started to chase me

around the room and using the “I will kill you” sentence (My dad didn’t warn me about that) I didn’t

know what to do so I chose the great Australian art of self defence “Athletics” and ran out the door,

no shoes, no wallet nothing just took off and once downstairs asked the local security guards to help

me.

The local lads explained to me that it’s in the women’s DNA of this country to be very passionate

about their men and occasional you have to expect this type of outburst, Hello she’s swinging a

carving knife at me I think that’s more than an outburst. They said its ok just give her half an hour

she will calm down and she will be all sweet and loving again. I waited with the guys for half an hour

and then asked them would they let me through the security doors as I had left my keys as well as

my shoes upstairs when I did the “flight rather than fight”.

We got out of the lift and to our surprise the door to the apartment was wide open and not a peep

was coming from inside, none of us were prepared for what we were about to see. The whole floor

of the apartment was covered in broken glass and dinner plates, and without my shoes I had to use

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the outside mat to wipe a path so I could make it through the place. I went to my office and my god

it looked like it had been hit by an earthquake, papers everywhere printer smashed, TV smashed,

she had gone to town on my chair with the carving knife (Thank god it wasn’t me) we later found my

laptop in the car park as she had thrown that 15 floors. I turned to the security guys and asked them

if this is part of the culture? They smiled and said, “Sometimes”.

After they left I started the tidy up process, I tried to call her but all I got was voicemail, the cleanup

took most of the night and I can’t even remember falling asleep but after a few hours I woke up and

she was still nowhere to be seen. It was now Monday morning and I had meetings to attend so I

shook my head at the situation and got ready for work as a big day was planned. I tried the whole

day to call her but again and again all I would get was her voicemail.

One of the people she had introduced me to was one of her closest long time friend’s a wonderful

women but moreover she was a powerful woman. It took a while but we became strong business

partners and more importantly also great fiends and she was an incredible help to me in making

some sensational business deals, which was great. We had wonderful times at her house, I was

introduced to all her family and non business friends, I truly trusted the friendship and I know that

she did as well. She used to make me laugh as when she would get frustrated with me she would

always call me Shane Jeffery Hodge which was exactly what my Mum would yell when she was mad

at me. Her being such close friends with my girlfriend made this relationship work well as there was

never an ounce of jealousy or competition as they both loved each other so much and trusted each

other the same.

I had always gone along with the way she did business even though sometimes I was not to happy at

some of the corruptive elements. She was very close to Government people in her country and I

really didn’t like doing business with those guys, bit to on the edge for this out of town boy I

thought, but you need the Government connection to do most high level business in Asia so I would

rarely protest and just go with the flow.

1997 was a crazy time in Asia once booming economies were starting to unravel so there were

plenty of nervous people in business and moreover there was some pretty crazy deals happening.

We were involved in one deal that I was becoming more wary about by the minute as it involved

some pretty shady characters, I voiced my concerns to my business partner and she very quickly said

“Shane Jeffery Hodge” and I knew that was a key to shut up, but this time I wasn’t happy at all in

remaining silent. That night I had a meeting with another close friend so I could discuss my problem

with him and see if he could offer me some advice. He opened the conversation asking if I heard

from my girlfriend, I told him it had been a couple of days now and I’m still getting voicemail, he told

me not to worry she will come around sooner or later.

I talked him through the deal I was involved in and the further I got in the discussion the more his

eyes roamed around and the lower his eyebrows got. He basically told me not to mess with the

people I was dealing with as they were far too powerful, it’s best if I shut and just do what I’m told. I

left the pub still feeling very uncomfortable so I called my business partner and asked her to arrange

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a meeting the next day with her and a couple of the people involved, when she used that Shane

Jeffery Hodge this time? I told her to please just arrange the meeting as I don’t feel good about it at

all, she abrubtly said ok and then hung up. I tried the girlfriend one more time, just got voicemail.

We all met at the office the next day and moved into the boardroom to discuss the deal, with my

business partner and a couple of other guys, the leader’s would never attend these meetings, they

were very careful to make sure that they could not be linked in anyway so meetings with them were

always held during a round of golf or quick discussions at a social event.

I was very nervous as I tried to explain my reason for not feeling comfortable about the deal, I tried

to explain that I am a foreigner and if this deal backfired I dont want to spend the rest of my life in

some foreign jail counting the cockroaches. I was basically told to sit down and get back in my box

and they will handle things. I protested at this attitude and when told to sit down again I let fly with

a sentence I should have thought twice about, for one split second I forgot I was in Asia and acted

like I was at the football in Melbourne and I yelled At the top of my voice and told my business

partner to “Shut The hell up Bitch”

I had just abused a very powerful women, but worse, I had done it in public in front of her peers, I

had in those five words made her lose a considerable amount of “Face” She glared at me, the room

was so silent, she closed her folder placed it in her bag and left with the other gentleman quickly

doing the same, not a word was spoken. My assistant who was in the room the whole time just

looked at me and said, “My god do you know what you have just done”

I told my assistant its ok I have had fights with my partner before, she just shook her head and told

me that arguments are one thing but what I just said is something that will not be easily forgiven. I

immediately called my partner and it just diverted to voicemail. I tried to all for the rest of the day

but the answer was always the same “Leave a message after the tone”

It has been five six days now since I had heard from my girlfriend and two since I had heard from my

business partner and then out of the blue my girlfriend called me, she wanted to meet up if that was

ok. We arranged to see each other as soon as I finished work, we could eat at the apartment as it

would be quiet and we could talk.

She arrived and just like the first time we met I was basically assaulted by her beauty, she walked

through the front door as though not a thing has happened, we sat down and talked, she said she

was sorry and would I give her another chance, “In a heartbeat” I replied and that night was so

Romanic so passionate I was happy she was back.

When I woke in the morning she was gone, and little did I know but a few other things were as well.

I got myself ready for work and all I kept thinking was why she did that, why did she just turn up and

do a midnight flit, I had no idea. Oh well I thought, I will just throw myself into the working day and

keep trying to contact her, must be an explanation for all this.

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Typical morning of bad traffic but finally I arrived and settled down to the routine which started with

the usual morning meeting but it turned out this morning was not going to be ordinary. No sooner

had I moved into the boardroom with a couple of people to discuss some of the thing we had on the

go that our meeting was interrupted by a group of four guys asking for Shane Hodge.

I immediately spoke up and said yep that’s me and asked how I could help. They produced ID that

said “Immigration” and asked if they could see my passport. I replied yep it’s at home cam we go and

get it and then all hell broke loose. They advised me that is was a Government regulation for a

foreigner to have his passport with him at all times and they suspected I was working illegally and

would now be detained for further investigation. In a split second they had my arms behind my back

and nice shiny but very uncomfortable handcuffs placed on my wrist.

I was in total shock but worse was to follow, they quickly whisked me into the elevator and then

they basically paraded my through the lobby level of the building, it was not nice to be walked

passed Starbucks in full view of friends and associates with handcuffs and guys in uniform, I was

herded into a minivan out the front of the building and we took off.

I asked where we were going on numerous occasions, again I asked can I call somebody and get my

passport, can I call my embassy and I they kept replying was “You are Under Investigation”

We arrived at their office and again the public humiliation conditioned with me dragged from the

van at the front of the building in full view of onlookers, pushed into another lift and the next thing

I’m in a holding cell with a whole heap of other guys all of which did not have suits.

I tried so hard to keep calm, I had watched plenty of movies so I just sat at the front of the cell and

tried hard to mind my own business, I just kept wondering what the hell I had done, why can’t I just

get my passport and settle this thing and I can be on my way. Every time someone in a uniform went

past I kept asking “What’s going on”, “When can I get out of here” and the answer was the same

each time, “Your Under Investigation” The guys in the cell were not so nice, they started crowding

around me asking me if Smoked, what had I done, I was starting to feel really bad by the second.

It seemed like hours but finally two guards arrived called my name and opened the door I thought

sensational, at last we are going to sort this stuff out, the two guys basically lifted me up by the

handcuffs and god it hurt as the steel was digging into my wrist, I got really angry and asked the guy

to cool it and then without warning he just whacked me straight across the mouth. I couldn’t believe

it so I asked him did he understand you cant do that people, and he whacked me again so I thought I

best shut up.

I was taken into a little office and basically thrown into a chair and left alone. I could feel blood

running down my cheek, but with my hands behind back it was a little hard to wipe it off so I just

rubbed it on my shoulder and then the door swung open and the two guys walked back in with

another fellow. He proceeded to tell me that if I co-operated all would go well and I might be out of

this place very soon, I again asked what the hell was going on they must not have liked the tone of

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my question as without hesitation one of the guys gave me a punch that sent me flying to the

ground. I called him a name that put doubt on who his father was and that was swiftly answered

with a kick in the tummy that well and truly winded me. I thought why is this happening, what have I

done that’s so bad and then they picked me up and put me back sitting on the chair and I also

thought I better not question the big guys parents anymore.

I was asked why I didn’t have my passport with me and why was I working in their country when I’m

not supposed to, I tried to tell him that my passport was in my house and all they have to do is let

me call somebody and I will get it picked up and then we can settle all of this. He proceeded to tell

me that was impossible and I asked why, and then to my shock he opened a folder and showed me

my passport.

I can’t remember what I said but I don’t think it was good as it fired up my sparring partner friend

again and I received another series of whacks that this time truly had my head spinning so I decided

the best thing to do was to say what appeared to be the guy in charge wants me to say.

He told me that I obviously had no understanding of the ways of his country’s culture as I had

disrespected two of its women one of which just happened to be a long and dear personal friend of

his boss the other was a young girl who was very much liked by the friend of the boss. He told me

people like me were not welcome in his country and after I have been “Investigated” I will be

deported and if I protest I will face another series of charges that are far worse than this

“Immigration issue” At that stage I was putting two and two together, the first women he was

speaking of was my business partner, the second women was my girlfriend. She had stayed with me

only two days ago and that is when she must have taken my passport, but worse she had stayed

with me and I was really scared that “Far Greater Charges” he was talking about may involve her. At

this stage I didn’t want to get hit again and I didn’t want to discuss the far greater option so I

thought it best to finally shut up.

The “Investigation” continued and was far from pleasant with the sparring partner occasionally

getting involved and the next thing I knew I was waking up in a hospital feeling pretty bad and I’m

sure looking worse. The hospital; was not a pleasant place but I was really glad to be out of the other

building. I asked questions of everybody that walked past but that was a waste of time as they

basically ignored me as they spoke very little English. A Doctor did tell me I had suffered a pretty bad

beating but I will be OK, I need to rest here for a week and then Immigration would come and take

me away again for further Investigation, wow I thought I get to meet up with those guys again bad

Idea, but he was nice gave me something to sleep and slowly over the next few days I started to feel

better and finally I could get up and have a shower. I looked in the mirror and I was black and blue it

was a shock to my system, but worse I think was the shock to my spirit.

I thought how could people that only a couple of weeks before loved me so much and I loved them

set me up like this, how could people be so cruel as to allow this pain and suffering be inflicted upon

me, what on earth is worth making this happen to somebody close to you.

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The pain I had felt physically was nothing to what I was going through mentally and even when I was

finally released from the Hospital and told by Immigration to leave, don’t past go don’t collect $200

just get out I was a tortured and broken heart not Body.

I did not get to see my Business partner or speak to her same with my Girlfriend, all the things I had

done, all the relationships I had built, all what I value was destoyed in that few weeks and I was

devastated and the nightmares were about to begin.

I left the country that had given me so much pleasure so many friends and I arrived back in Australia

thinking I would be there and be able to let my wounds heal but that time at home only lasted a few

days. I was asked by my Company to help them out with a deal they were doing in the US, I can

remember my boss saying to me that the sunshine and lifestyle would do me good and help get over

the ordeal I had just been through, I thought it through and agreed and next day I was off to LAX.

It was exciting, I had never been to the US before, I thought it would help me heal but quickly I

realised I needed much more. It wasn’t the difficulty in sleeping, it wasn’t the waking up in the

middle of the night in cold sweats remembering those tragic few days of being humiliated and hurt I

could handle all that, no these were not the nightmares that this Comeback article is all about.

The nightmares were not just the ones that wake you up screaming at night, the nightmares were

there constantly, they were there before I slept and were there when I woke, the Nightmares were

there when I met strangers, the Nightmares were there when someone would say “Trust Me” The

nightmares were with any form of relationship that I tried to make.

The tragedy of what happened to me was that this man, who had loved so deeply and trusted

without question no longer felt that way about anybody, the greatest hurt that can be set upon

anybody is not the crushing of their body but the crushing of the human spirit.

When I started this article I wanted to understand who would feel like this, who would know the

same pain? Would it be Children that had suffered abuse from a Loved and Trusted member of the

Family? Men and Women that are subject to domestic Violence? Men and Women that have been

faced with the knowledge that there partner had been unfaithful? A business owner who discovers

that there partner has embezzled them? Yes these would be the people that would suffer the

nightmare of the end of trust.

But is it the end? Are we destined to have a life of Nightmares and drag that Ball and Chain with us

for the rest of our lives? Can it be restored? Yes some of the Physical scars will remain but I believe

we can, I believe we can “Comeback” to having trust again and break free from its chains.

I had a choice, that choice was to drag that ball and chain of nightmares with me for the rest of my

life to let it impact on friendships, relationships or to do something about it and two years after that

terrible time I finally got the opportunity to make that choice.

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I had moved from the US to Hong Kong and had a job that required me to travel all over the region,

and I must admit that I knew the day would come when I would have to visit the country that had

caused me so much harm. I didn’t tell my new Contactor what happened I just made sure that I

never created the opportunity to go to the place; I kept myself very busy in other Countries.

I was called into the CEO’s office and he told me he had heard about a sensational opportunity in

that place I feared and he knew I had good contacts there and he wanted me to visit as soon as

possible and the nightmares began whilst I sat in front of him. I walked out of the meeting knowing it

was the time to face my fears. I was always worried that I would place my passport at the entry

point of that Country and the guys eyes behind the desk would light up and I would be whisked away

for another appointment with my former sparring partner.

I went back to my office and took a deep breath as I stared out the window, no choice it was

confront my fear time. I called a good old friend who worked there and asked him for my old

business partner’s number, “What” he said, after all she has done to you, you’re going to call her? I

told him to shut up and give me the number.

I shook as I dialed the number, the delay you get with International calls seemed like an eternity and

then she answered, I said hello, she said what do you want. I explained to her that I had to visit her

country and I wanted her assurance that nothing would happen to me, the phone went silent for a

minute and then she came back with it. “Shane Jeffery Hodge” when you arrive, call me and we will

have lunch and discuss it then.

I felt I had assurance I would not be troubled on entry but there there was no guarantee I feared

from that point, but I had to take the chance, so tickets were booked accommodation arranged and I

left the next day.

Standing in the Immigration queue the nightmares started, “What if she lied” “What if they nab me”

I couldn’t go through all that again, I must have looked like a nervous drug courier standing there I

tell you, and then the guy behind the counter looked at me, looked at my passport, hesitated for a

second and then I heard that “Chop” as the metal stamp went down on my passport and he said,

“Welcome to our Country, enjoy your stay” wow.

I arrived at the Hotel, got settled in and it was time to call her, she told me to meet at what used to

be one of our favourite restaurants in a few hours it was the most horrible wait and when I finally

got there she was nowhere to be seen and I immediately thought it was all a setup.

Thank God she arrived in typical grand fashion as was her way, she made enough noise so she was

noticed by the staff and they opened the door for her, walking through the crowd saying Hi to this

person and that person a couple receiving her seal of approval kiss on the cheek and then she

arrived at the table.

“Shane Jeffery Hodge” you look good, have you been behaving yourself? Was her opening line, I

laughed and said, “Yes” she replied, “Well maybe I taught you a good lesson hmmm”

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The conversation went on and then she stopped me, she told me that this past two years had been

very tough on her and her business, she was not a great believer in Karma but maybe in this case it

had some merit, she told me she did not regret “Whacking” me in her words but she did regret the

severity and would I forgive her?

When she asked that question, I had flashbacks of the great times that we had shared, and then

moments of the terrible times that came at the end of it, but I was faced with an opportunity right

now to cut the ball and chain of nightmares free from my legs, I had the chance to forgive.

I looked at her and let it out, “I forgive you” I then got up reached across the table and hugged her.

We continued a wonderful business relationship for the next two years and I am proud to say we

became great friends once again until she sadly she passed way from an untimely stroke.

The Girlfriend? As fate would have it whilst I was in my favourite bar the Next night having some

catch up drinks with some old mates, I asked them if they had seen her and they told me they had

not, they think she had met a guy and got married and moved overseas.

Fate is an incredible thing and who should walk into the same bar on my next trip? She did. The

place went a bit quiet as a lot of people new the history between the two of us. As I walked up to her

she was looking a little more scared than pleased to see me, I just held out my hand and told her she

looked great and it was nice to see her.

She told me she was happy, had a wonderful man and was really enjoying her life in her new Home

Country and they looked forward to having a family soon, a little bit of small talk and then I stopped

her and told her I had something to say. I reached for her hand, held it and told her, “I forgive you”

she cried and replied “Thank you”

The Ball and Chain of my nightmares were now totally set free.

Nightmares are terrible, and the pain and suffering that are associated with them can be totally

destructive. It can last moments or a lifetime, we can allow it to continue to haunt us on a daily basis

or we can make the choice to one day say “Enough” and stop it from allowing us to live a life of

passion and joy.

I have found that there is no miracle cure for these nightmares, there is no drug, no therapy time on

the couch that will totally wipe them away, what I did find, what worked for me? Forgiveness.

When I forgave those two people it took away the DAM that had been built and allowed the flow of

Joy to comeback, the dam of resentment, and lack of trust was not totally demolished that took a

few years, but what it allowed was the flow to begin. As each day passed, and another great

memory, another good moment, another wonderful friendship was started; another part of that

dam broke away.

A T B C C T H N

12 | P a g e

C o p y w r i t e T h e C o m e b a c k w w w . t h e c o m e b a c k . c o m . a u

Yes, the pain and the hurt when somebody breaks your trust is a terrible thing, but allowing that to

be The Ball and Chain that you drag around for the rest of your life is far worse.

Forgiveness, that’s the key to breaking free of this Nightmare.

Big Hugs and Love to you from Shane.