New Zealand 2011: To and Fro ‘Take what you can get’ Paul Witte First edition | 2011| Alkmaar | ©Paul Witte Based on a true story. The names in this story may have been altered to protect the innocent.
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New Zealand 2011: To
and Fro ‘Take what you can get’
Paul Witte
First edition | 2011| Alkmaar | ©Paul Witte Based on a true story.
The names in this story may have been altered to protect the innocent.
2
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements ................................................................................................................................................. 3
Thursday, January 27: Schiphol - Kuala Lumpur: Empress Hotel Sepang ................................................................ 4
Friday, January 28: Kuala Lumpur - Auckland ......................................................................................................... 4
Saturday, January 29: Auckland: Mt Eden, The Waterfront Café, Sky Tower: Best Western President Hotel
Auckland .................................................................................................................................................................. 6
Sunday, January 30: Kauri Museum, Tāne Mahuta: Hotel Paihia ........................................................................... 7
Monday, January 31: Tall Ship R. Tucker Thompson ............................................................................................... 9
Tuesday, February 1: Haruru Falls ......................................................................................................................... 10
Wednesday, February 2: Rotorua: Hotel Silver Oaks Geyserland ......................................................................... 12
Thursday, February 3: White Island, Buried Village .............................................................................................. 15
Friday, February 4: Whakapapa Village: Wai-O-Tapu, Lady Knox Geyser, Huka Falls: Skotel Alpine Resort ........ 17
Saturday, February 5: Tongariro Alpine Crossing .................................................................................................. 19
Sunday, February 6: Wellington: Bulls, Sea Shepherd, St. Paul's Cathedral: Comfort Hotel Wellington .............. 21
Monday, February 7: Te Papa Museum ................................................................................................................ 23
Tuesday, February 8: Marlborough Sounds: Wilderness Park (9 km) ................................................................... 25
Wednesday, February 9: Cape Jackson Lighthouse .............................................................................................. 27
Thursday, February 10: Nelson: Queen Charlotte Drive, Pelorus Bridge Scenic Reserve: Nelson Central YHA .... 29
Friday, February 11: Abel Tasman National Park .................................................................................................. 30
Saturday, February 12: Blackball: Formerly the Blackball Hilton .......................................................................... 32
Sunday, February 13: Fox Glacier: Lake Matheson Motel .................................................................................... 33
Monday, February 14: Glacier Hike ....................................................................................................................... 35
Tuesday, February 15: Queenstown: Lake Matheson, Haast, Fergburger: Lakeview Holiday Park ...................... 38
Wednesday, February 16: Shotover Jet, Bob’s Peak ............................................................................................. 42
Thursday, February 17: Te Anau: Kepler Track: Fiordland Hotel .......................................................................... 43
Friday, February 18: Milford Sound, Routeburn Track.......................................................................................... 44
Saturday, February 19: Kaka Point: Twilight Tour, The Point Café and Bar: Nugget View & Kaka Point Motel ... 46
Sunday, February 20: Cathedral Caves, McLean Falls, Curio Bay, BBQ ................................................................. 49
Monday, February 21: Dunedin: Baldwin Street, Alibi Restaurant: Leviathan Heritage Hotel ............................. 51
Tuesday, February 22: Moeraki Boulders, Christchurch Earthquake: Leviathan Heritage Hotel - All Seasons
Christchurch Cashel Street .................................................................................................................................... 53
Wednesday, February 23: The Day After The Day Before .................................................................................... 55
Thursday, February 24: University of Otago, Baldwin Street, Restaurant Etrusco ............................................... 57
Friday, February 25: Christchurch International Airport - Kuala Lumpur International Airport ........................... 58
Saturday, February 26: Schiphol ........................................................................................................................... 60
‘There is a time to come and a time to go, and the time to go has now come.’ .................................................. 61
3
Acknowledgements I would thus like to thank all the travel companions for their presence on this memorable trip
to New Zealand. Without you guys, it would not have been possible to write this story down
on paper. Evelyn gets a special attention because of her dedication and commitment, and to
make sure the entire trip and everything around it would go smoothly. Femke is also
additionally listed for acting as an critical reviewer in order to perfect the whole story. And
finally, I take this opportunity to put myself - humble as I am - in the spotlight, because
without me, all these weird fantasies, stories, events, memories, descriptions, references,
photographs, and what else, probably would never have been so beautifully written. In short,
everyone, thanks!
4
Thursday, January 27: Schiphol - Kuala Lumpur: Empress Hotel
Sepang Early Thursday morning: time for adventure to start beckoning. Place of action: Schiphol,
where at 12:00 pm Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 to Kuala Lumpur will depart. But first Paul
needs to pay a visit to the Malaysia Airlines counter, because the hotel voucher for the hotel
in Kuala Lumpur still has to come into possession of the future tour group. The mission is
hassle-free, so an immediate return can be made to the check-in counter ten meters away to
start the check-in process. Around two hours later, time has come to board the aircraft for the
first part of the long 24-hour flight to Auckland. The first stop will take place in Malaysia,
where the Boeing 747 is to land unpleasantly early local time or uncomfortably late biological
time.
John, a Sawadee companion, takes place in the seat next to Paul. Both men are pleasantly
getting to know each other and soon it becomes apparent that both come from the province of
North Holland and are in fact living just 20 kilometres from each other. After an hour of
having conducted in-depth conversations, both decide to move their senses. John is about to
do a bit of reading and Paul decides to turn on the interactive screen to enjoy all kinds of TV
shows, movies, games, newspapers and music. After one could have uttered several thousand
times to himself: "are we there yet?" Kuala Lumpur has already been reached. In retrospect
one can establish that in close proximity of the two men, another bunch of other travelling
companions were seated.
Friday, January 28: Kuala Lumpur - Auckland Arrival at 6:45 am at Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KUL). The seven hour time
difference in combination with the 11 hour and 45 minute flight, has made everyone on the
plane suddenly lose his or her night. Despite Paul's sleepless 'night', he still feels remarkably
alert, bold, dashing and also audacious when walking from the plane to the meeting place.
While walking, Paul meets Walter and a few others from the Sawadee travel group. But first,
the first obstacle has to be conquered; customs. This appears more complicated than a normal
life form would expect, because some
people have accidentally forgotten to fill
out a ridiculous piece of form (traveller's
declaration form), so that upon arrival at
the counter, one is ordered to return to
retrieve the piece of form, fill it out and
return to the back of the queue.
The meeting place appears to be cloaked,
as it is very hard to find. When after a
while John also finally arrives, the search
for the bus can begin. After an intensive
search it becomes clear that the bus is
sneakily hiding outside the airport. A half an hour bus ride brings the passengers to the
5
Empress Hotel Sepang1 - known among sports car enthusiasts as the location of the Formula
One Malaysian Grand Prix2 - where they will retire until 6:30 pm.
Everyone wants to go to sleep and although Paul feels it is a bit redundant to do so, he finally
yields in the absence of better options. At half past twelve, John thinks it is high time to go
and so the couple takes its leave down to the lobby. It is strange that he immediately takes
along all of his belongings, but Paul believes John must have his reasons, so he meekly
follows. Downstairs in the lobby, John looks about dazzled. "That's weird, there's nobody
here. Where could they be?", he asks aloud. To which Paul replies: "Well, they're probably
downtown, or perhaps even up in their rooms." "But we had agreed upon assembling at half
past six, right?" "Yes, but it is currently half past twelve." "Huh? How can this be?" and John
looks stupefied at his watch. "But then you should put it on correctly, as it is now upside
down", Paul says. Through which the mystery is solved.
Afterwards, the two decide to make their way into town. They go looking for a way to get to
Kuala Lumpur, but this also appears to be more difficult than expected. Taxis turn out to be
too expensive, and the invisible and not going buses are true to their name, as they are indeed
very invisible and not going. Instead they pay a visit to
the local Masjid Al-Hijrah Mosque, where the capless
and gownless Dutchmen are even mistaken for Muslims.
The tour continues in the direction of Kuala Lumpur,
which ultimately seems to be just a tad too far to walk,
thus the decision is made to turn back. During their
retreat, the two come into the centre of attention of a local
Sepangian, who has seen them wandering about the town
and now feels obliged to offer help. Because time is too short for a visit to Kuala Lumpur, the
friendly native returns the western Europeans back to their hotel, where the car arrives not
more than ten minutes later.
At 6:30 pm, the buses again arrive to transport the Dutch travellers back to Kuala Lumpur
International Airport. The entire crowd arrives after a brief drive at the airport, where of
course a waiting game commences before the Boeing 777, which will leave at 9:20 pm, can
be boarded.
Many people board the aircraft to ensure the flying object will not leave empty handed. Yet
one can still see empty seats, for example next to travelling companion Danielle. Femke and
Karen, who are almost each other’s neighbours but not quite yet in the middle part of the
Boeing, decree Paul, who is sitting in between them, to move his ass next to Danielle, so the
ladies will be able to sit sprawled out to enjoy a well-deserved beauty sleep. Paul accepts his
fate and moves body and soul alongside the left side of the aisle. Over there, he gets well
acquainted with Danielle, who despite her Dutch features still appears to be a thoroughbred
Canuck. Countless stories are exchanged and this enables Paul to shift his mindset back to
Texel, where around this time his grandmother's funeral is taking place. The journey turns out
1 http://www.booking.com/hotel/my/empress-sepang.nl.html
2 http://www.malaysiangp.com.my/
6
to be a peculiar pleasant one, despite the fact that a successful sleep process cannot be put in
motion by Paul. This can definitely be considered as remarkable as he is able to fall asleep in
the most remarkable places, in the train, at the office, in a bus or standing against a pole, but
on a chair in an airplane is simply too much for him. Danielle on the other hand, sleeps like a
drowned ox in the water, in other words, very deep.
Saturday, January 29: Auckland: Mt Eden, The Waterfront Café, Sky
Tower: Best Western President Hotel Auckland3 The Boeing 777 lands at 12:50 pm local time (7:50 am adapted biological (Malaysian) time,
or 12:50 am maladjusted biological (Dutch) time) safely and without leaving any debris at
Auckland International Airport. The gathering of the entire party proceeds rather smoothly for
a long time. Although it is very busy at the
airport and therefore difficult to establish a
positive id on tour manager Evelyn. Yet
within the hour almost everyone has been
accounted for. Everyone except for Femke
that is, as she is having trouble locating her
luggage and vice versa. An hour later the
time of departure has finally come, so the 16
head strong delegation plus Evelyn and bus
driver Malcolm leave to downtown
Auckland.
The first photo stop is on top of Mount Eden, which offers a beautiful view over the skyline of
Auckland and its surrounding area. The largest stadium in New Zealand, Eden Park, is clearly
visible as well. The training of the local cricket heroes can also be spotted in the distance.
Around 5:00 pm, the squad checks in at the Best Western President Hotel Auckland. A tour of
the city is made, through Albert Park to the harbour where the whole group, including the two
previously flown in non-Frisians Sietske and Jikke,
will have dinner at restaurant The Waterfront Café &
Bar4. At the restaurant Paul explains to Claske and
Femke - with a cricket match in the televisionary
background - how the noble game of cricket is
played. It takes a lot of effort to keep the focus of
both ladies on the cricket course, because the
synchronous running of the batsmen takes Femke
into a fit of laughter that will continue to last until
late Sunday evening in the first week of April. After also having explained that it is not sinful
to remove the grass right in the middle of the pitch and to start using it for running purposes,
it is time to eat. Paul has no trouble nibbling away his own dinner, but the nearby seated
3 http://www.presidenthotel.co.nz/
4 http://www.showcasehospitality.co.nz/microsite/waterfront-cafe-bar
7
Claske and Femke clearly have issues in getting their plates food free. The table lord has still
room in his lower abdomen and personally makes sure that the plates can be handed over in
empty condition to the waitress. For dessert Paul orders an Ice Cream Delight and when the
ice cold ice cream is served, the ladies look lustfully at the ice cream in the silent hope they
may also be allowed to enjoy it. Unfortunately, there is barely enough for Paul, let alone two
more feminine stomachs. Moreover, it is already time to go. A select group (Sietske, Jikke,
Pete, Hank and Paul), make an executive decision to bring a late visit to the Sky Tower,
which surprisingly enough is still open. During the walk to the tower, Sietske nearly collides
with a bus stop suddenly looming out of nowhere, but she is saved from certain death by a
hero in disguise.
Because it is already dark, it is difficult to get a good view of the city. All in all, another
tourist attraction can be checked off the bucket list, because the tallest freestanding building in
the southern hemisphere has been successfully visited. Many other superlatives about other
things will follow, because if there is something New Zealand is known for, it is to brag about
all their special characteristics of buildings, objects, etc. For example, the oldest hotel in the
southern hemisphere, the second largest wooden building in the southern hemisphere, the
world's rarest penguin, etc.
Sunday, January 30: Kauri Museum, Tāne Mahuta: Hotel Paihia5 The bus comes to an abrupt halt to enjoy a coffee stop at Matakohe House
6 followed by a visit
to the Kauri Museum7. A museum
dedicated to the kauri tree and the
machines that were used in time of yore
for wood processing. The leafy exploration
is extended to Waipoua Forest, where
Tāne Mahuta8, the oldest kauri in the
world, is located. According to hearsay it
is about 2000 years old. Māori guide Kyle
provides interesting information to one
another in a highly educational
manner. While westerners have the
tendency to lose sight of the forest due to
the presence of so many trees, the Māoris on the other hand do not see a forest at all, instead
they perceive an entire supermarket. For example, some plants have medicinal properties
while others are ideal for food. The leaves of the rangiora are poisonous when chewed and
eaten, but very salutary when used as a poultice for wounds. These leaves are also very useful
5 http://www.hotelpaihia.com/default.aspx
6 http://www.matakohehouse.co.nz/
7 http://www.kauri-museum.com/
8 http://www.newzealand.com/travel/media/features/maori-culture/maori-culture_tane-mahuta-separator-
of-heaven-and-earth_featur.cfm
8
for replacing toilet paper. The soft side is suitable for someone with sensitive buttocks and
diehards can relish the rough side, as it is ideal for the ones who like it rough.
Kyle then tells about New Zealand's unusual
high number of species of ferns. Ferns have
many nutritional and medicinal properties, but
can also be used to build houses and weave
clothing. For this reason, the fern has become a
popular motif in many New Zealand designs.
The koru, symbolising new life, growth,
strength and peace, should be clearly
identifiable in the fern according to Kyle, but
Paul has visible trouble locating the spiral
shape. After receiving instructions from Danielle and
Claske, Paul convinces both ladies of finally
perceiving the koru, which is gullibly believed. The
highlight forms Kyle’s ode to Tāne Mahuta, to protect
the ignorant and perhaps non-believers. After the
myths have been remembered, the dozens of photos
made and the bladder emptied, the journey to the hotel
continues. Before actually reaching the hotel, it has
been decided to first stop at Fullers GreatSights Bay of
Islands9 to immediately book the tours for the next
day. Immediately appears to be a very elastic term,
because only after a long 60 minutes everyone is
booked for and relieved of a few dollars. Pete is doing
his best to call all the ladies by their proper names, but
it takes quite some doing. It will take some days before
everyone is being addressed by their proper name and epithet. And to make it all even more
exciting, Pete feels it necessary to rename Paul to Jack. Only God knows why.
Dinner is served at the Mako Beach Bar10
, on the
coastal Marsden Road, where one immediately
feels right at home, since bitterballs are on the
menu. This is because the Dutch owners of the
restaurant obviously want to introduce a typical
Dutch delicacy in the land of the kiwis.
9 http://www.dolphincruises.co.nz/
10 http://maps.google.nl/maps?hl=nl&lr=lang_nl&q=mako+paihia&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wl
9
Monday, January 31: Tall Ship R. Tucker Thompson Danielle, Ellen, Paul and Ineke start the busy week off with a sailing trip aboard the R. Tucker
Thompson11
from Russell to Rangihoua Bay.
There is a moderate to soft breeze, making it
ideal weather to enjoy the bright shining sun
carefree. For lunch, the ship docks in Rangihoua
Bay. One is transported by dinghy to the
mainland, where one may go for a swim in the
cool waters of the Tasman Sea, and climb the
hill and perpetuate the Marsden Cross. The
Marsden
Cross
represents
the memory of the first church service held in New
Zealand on Christmas Day 1814.
After a delicious lunch, the sails are set for the return
home. Not much later, the very first near-death
experience occurs when a power cable, that was
deployed exactly in the sail route by some unsavoury lads, is narrowly avoided. The insight
and leadership skills of Captain Nic, and the help of the sailors McKayla, Paola and Grayson
ensure that the ship is manoeuvred in an almost capsized position so the mast just bypasses
the power cable by a few inches. Otherwise, this would undoubtedly have resulted in an
electrifying encounter with certain death to the crew. Paul looks at the whole spectacle with
pleasure in his eyes and after this hectic moment he continues his tanning session on deck. He
does not take notice that due to sitting halfway on the cabin roof, his left hand is dangerously
exposed to strong UV radiation coming directly from the powerful sun. Moments later, Paul
feels that the place is getting a bit too hot for him and so decides to start shifting positions.
During the shifting movement, Paul manoeuvres his left arm, where his left hand also happens
to be located, in his field of vision and thereby experiences a horrifying experience. Paul's left
hand appears to be mercilessly burned and has already taken on bright red proportions. Now
the consequences of the hole in the ozone layer become painfully clear to the earthlings. The
solar strength in the southern and isolated New Zealand is in fact much higher than the
warmest place in Europe. Partly because of the lack of air pollution in New Zealand, UV rays
are hardly slowed down and therefore can crash in full regalia on unsuspecting people. Where
in the Mediterranean countries the UV index12
does
not get higher than 10 on even the hottest summer
days, an index of 12 is not very unusual in
Aotearoa. Even an index of 14 is regularly
measured in the north of the North Island.
11
http://www.tucker.co.nz/ 12
http://www.niwa.co.nz/our-services/online-services/uv-and-ozone
10
After this brief intermission without any noteworthy damage, the R. Tucker Thompson sails
without any problems on to Russell. Once moored and having said goodbye to the sailing ship
and its sailors, Danielle, Ellen, Ineke and Paul make their move through the typical coastal
village. Despite the summer weather Paul feels a quest is required in search of a rain jacket,
because he packed his suitcase rain jacketless. Paul ruthlessly succeeds in his quest by buying
himself an All Blacks raincoat at a small shop at The Strand boulevard.
Due to the beautiful warm weather, the
four feel morally obligated to reward
themselves with the first ice cream of the
holiday. An ice cream parlour soon
comes into view and is conveniently
located next to the only bank in
town. The New Zealand ice cream has a
divine taste, causing plenty of enjoyment
among the ice cream eaters. Some time
later, they saunter back slowly towards
the port for the ferry back to Paihia.
Once everyone is refreshed, a stroll is made to Frank's Pizza Bar and Cafe, where dinner is
found. A pizza is always a good choice, a medium pizza is already a better choice, but a large
pizza is obviously the best choice of them all. After showing some perseverance, Paul gets his
plate in an empty state, but there is no room for taking on any pizzas located on adjacent
plates. Upon return at Hotel Paihia, Hank, Paul, John and Pete hear a few Dutch sounds
coming from the direction of the pool, upon which is decided that a flanking movement is
required to get to the swimming pool area. As it turns out, Gerry and Ellen are enjoying the
soothing night sky. This gets Pete completely in his element and he gives all attendees an
evening course in astronomy. An effort is made in awing at the Southern Cross in all its glory
to behold, but due to the mild form of light pollution it is not possible to do so.
Tuesday, February 1: Haruru Falls Due to the fact that the regular volleyball training is held at a distance of 20,000 kilometres
from Paul's current location, he decides to take the easy way out and goes for a run through
the forest around the corner called Horotutu Scenic Reserve. Over a very hilly and at the same
time very narrow path, he runs to the top in a mere 20 minutes. After a brief respite it
suddenly starts to rain very lightly. So light that to an untrained rain eye it can hardly be
recognised as rain. But as they say in the Anglo-Saxon New Zealand: "What goes up, must
come down", so Paul does as the raindrops, which now have already stopped falling down, in
other words, he ran back down. The way up consisted surprisingly of a lot of climbing and
was therefore quite tiring, the way down on the other hand consists amazingly of a lot of
descending, and therefore is totally not exhausting at all. One should however watch his step
to avoid accidentally missing a turn and thereby falling 30 metres into a very inaccessible area
11
of forest. But thanks to a highly developed musculatory system that ensures a perfect cadence,
the run goes without any problems.
In the afternoon, Gerry, Ellen, Claske and
Paul decide to walk through the forest at
Haruru Falls. A nice relaxing walk with
pleasant temperatures. The route runs
through a beautiful forest full of
nature. Many cormorants can be found in
their carefully built nests and the fish feel
like a fish in very clear water. As the end of
the route draws near, suddenly a sign on top
of an elevated plateau on the left comes into
view. The sign has much allurement on Paul,
who dares to take a closer look. An easy climb lasting 1/10 of a minute, takes him to the
backside of the sign. If the backside is equally fascinating as the front, then he is in for a
treat. Paul decisively puts a step forward, followed by a
second step that illogically is followed by steps 5, 3 and 4,
in random order. Then finally the time has come. The sign
comes into view of the adventurer and the content does not
disappoint him. Of course it does not expose the location
of a long-hidden Māori treasure, but that should not spoil
the fun. A new adventure has been embarked upon. The
way back runs along the beach, where Wouter and Tacha
are found. In the evening a meal is again being had at Mako in an exclusive male and a female
companionship.
12
Wednesday, February 2: Rotorua: Hotel Silver Oaks Geyserland13 The alarm goes off early on Wednesday morning,
because a transfer of 405 kilometres is
scheduled. The bus is already warming up its engine
at 7:00 am to leave Paihia. One and a half hour later
the bus arrives in Kawakawa. A town where coal
was mined in the previous century, but currently it
mainly focuses on agriculture. Kawakawa's biggest
attraction are its public toilets, designed by Austrian
artist Friedensreich Hundertwasser. This artist lived
for 25 years in this rustic town until his death in 2000.
For lunch, Eve has decided to stop at River Haven Cafe. This place is the role model for the
neighbouring town Hamilton, that has much trouble to extort money from tourists by selling
all kinds of crap. The River Cafe in Huntly, on the other hand, does know how this works. It
has a cafe, a souvenir shop, an ice cream parlour, toilets, an iSite centre, a large parking lot
and to top it all off, an exceptional view of the magnificent power station. Lots of
opportunities to make tourists a few kiwi dollars lighter.
After the sandwiches, kitkats, quiches and eggs have
all been consumed, the long travel continues.
Matamata, known by fans of The Lord of the Rings
as Hobbiton, is reached mid-afternoon.
Unfortunately for these fans, the town itself offers
remarkably little to be cheerful about. Besides the
welcome sign and a moderately resembling image of
Gollum, there is absolutely nothing to see. The iSite
Visitor Centre is a total farce, since there is no way
one can spend his or her money on buying a souvenir. Even a dilapidated statue or even an
intensely ugly T-shirt, it is simply not available in the small shop.
A few hours later, a stop is made at the Green Lake (Rotokakahi) and Blue Lake (Tikitapu)
viewpoint. After the photo stop and laughing,
pointing and staring at an incredibly burned
Englishman, the bus is briefly boarded to be
exited a bit further to climb down the stairs to
reach the Blue Lake. Some daredevils dare to
bathe their feet in the warm temperatured
water.
In the evening, approximately half of the travel
party takes part in the excursion to Mitai Māori
13
http://www.silveroaksgeyserland.com/
13
Village14
for a traditional hāngi. Traditionally in the broadest sense. Because a standing buffet
is not exactly what one would expect from the former cannibals. But before the buffet can be
stood next to, it is time for the coming of the waka. After a short walk through a forest, past
characteristic ponds and trees, a stop is made at the Wai-o-whiro river. A few minutes later,
singing is heard from around the corner, and soon materialises in the form of seven half naked
Māoris in a waka. They pass by slowly, until a short while later when they return to pass by
again. One Māori decides he wants to do a comprehensive photo shoot and ends with a dive in
the water.
What follows is a legendary show in
which the Māori portray how things
were done in the time of their
forefathers through dance, songs and
words. It is a performance of which
average 7th graders would be
jealous. The famous haka is not to
be missed and is performed in full
glory before a live studio audience.
Numerous Kodak moments pass in
review and guarantee a piece of
'authentic' Māori culture.
An hour later, the last spectacular show ends and the audience is guided back to the eating
barn. The Māori version of Frank Sinatra is also hired to provide musical support. The buffet
consists of meat, potatoes and vegetables. The meat
has a distinctive flavour, it is good to ingest, unlike the
potatoes that taste like they smell, weird. In other
words, it was difficult to ingest. The dessert, however,
is of normal shape and taste. It is very easily
consumed.
When everyone has finished eating, the group names
are called out, with the purpose that the groups will
leave the building in phase. This causes the Sawadeeians to become disorganised, but the
Māori chief is unrelenting and does not allow for waiting games. It is like war; one for all and
for all will not be waited. Femke, Claske, Ellen, Tacha, Walter and Paul are at the front of the
battle field and docilely follow the footsteps of the chief through the pitch black forest. Every
few minutes, the battalion holds their ground to be educated by the Māori in the local flora
and fauna of this extraordinary location. In the sacred Fairy Spring one can admire eels and
trout in the insanely clear water. Back in the days when they still believed in fairy tales, fairy
people (Patupaiarehe) descended Mount Ngongotaha to visit the spring and drink the waters
of life.
14
http://www.mitai.co.nz/
14
The walk continues until suddenly the
anxious women feel unidentified objects
falling down on their heads. Of course, this is
initially seen as just a figment of the city
girls' imagination, with the maxim: today's
youth is accustomed to nothing. Paul decides
to put even more fuel on the imaginary fire
by throwing a few twigs from behind on the
heads of the anxiously frightened girls, who
respond by releasing some primal
screams. Not much later it is discovered that
there are indeed attacks taking place from above. Thousands of glow-worms see their chances
to carry out a precision bombing raid on the unsuspecting young ladies. Paul comforts the
ladies by telling the glow-worms are harmless,
as long as they are not settling down in shaded
body cavities. This allows the populace to feel
more confident to walk the last few metres of
the journey. The bus soon comes in sight, but
after arrival it seems the slow pokes are
considerably lagging behind. The backlog is so
large that for a short time there is fear for their
lives. Ten minutes later, some figures appear
from the dark woods in the shape of the
laggards. They are indeed the remains of the
party, so after a short delay, the return trip to the hotel can finally be made.
15
Thursday, February 3: White Island15, Buried Village16 For Walter and Paul, today is fully dedicated to the helicopter flight to White Island. Paul and
Pete are parting ways, and Pete gives the
last rites to Paul, because it may very
well be the last time they see each
other. A helicopter may easily crash and
burn, or be captured by a stray bunch of
Libyans. Furthermore, an active volcano
is obviously called an active volcano for
a reason and therefore may suddenly
decide to become excitingly active for a
change and start doing lots of active
activities. All in all, a day full of
excitement. After first having filled the
wallets with dozens of $20 bills at the local Countdown and having paid the excursion by
credit card, White Island is already soon reached without any major problems. The impressive
lunar like environment astonishes everyone. This combined with the ubiquitous sulphur scent
creates a special experience. A hike along the island takes Walter and Paul to the sulphur
lake. The lake itself is shrouded in mist and the unhealthy sulphur air makes the participants
appreciate even more the presence of a respirator. At moments like this one realises just how
wonderful clean fresh air actually tastes.
In the afternoon, Walter, Tacha and Paul go for a mountain bike ride to the Buried Village (32
kilometre round trip). The first hill immediately seems a big obstacle for the chain of Tacha's
bike, because it decides to fall from the derailleur. Thanks to Walters male technical
ingenuity, the chain can be repaired, so they can they reach the first climb
together. The road continues with many ascents, descents and sharp
turns. Paul experiences his second near-death experience during a descent
when a sudden sharp turn surprisingly approaches him out of nowhere. But
thanks to his great steering skills and to Yogi Berra logic, an accident can be
avoided, because before Paul misses a turn, Paul does not miss that turn, and
that makes total sense.
The much-needed fluids are replenished at the Buried Village café with
Charlie's Honest Water17
topped with a speedy visit to the destroyed
village. Because the village is largely obliterated by the volcanic eruption,
there is not much to see. In that sense it is some sort of outdoor museum
with information signs instead of a real village consisting of houses and
shops. Located next to the village, there is an unbelievable, magnificent
park, which the Māori used to walk their kurī (Polynesian dog). The trinity
wants to seize the opportunity to explore this beautiful place and therefore
15
http://www.volcanicair.co.nz/presentation/VolcanicAirNormal07Pres.aspx?ID=9830 16
http://www.buriedvillage.co.nz/ 17
http://www.charlies.co.nz/
16
enters the park in high spirits. The scenery
speaks for itself and lets everyone be amazed by
its beauty. Especially the waterfall which
plunges 30 metres down, is worth some
pictures.
The bike ride back to Rotorua is much smoother
than the outward journey. Because Paul decides
in all his wisdom to break away from the pack
after only eight kilometres to attack the
mountains in his own pace. This proves to be a
wise decision, because the fatigue is hard to find, especially compared to the way there, when
the pace was actually too slow for him. A refreshing shower provides some cooling. After
arriving at the outskirts of Rotorua, a brief orientation stop needs to be initiated to determine
the exact route to the hotel. Once the correct route is set, the Belgian-Dutch delegation cycles
in one go to the hotel for another refreshing shower. An hour later they get on their bikes all
refreshed to deliver the bikes at the bike shop. The returning of the bikes goes smoothly,
because after a thorough inspection no damage to the bikes can be discovered by the expert
staff. So Walter gets his deposit back and they may leave the shop on their way to a new
experience. After two minutes of walking, Paul gets an epiphany which makes him realise he
forgot to return the bike lock. Thus Paul urgently makes his way back to the shop to return the
lock, after which he immediately catches up with Tacha and Walter.
The bike adventure is followed by a visit to the local market because they are in the
neighbourhood anyway. The three person party recruits a new member in the form of the
wandering Claske. Paul proudly shows his magnificent volcanic rock that he brought from
White Island. Claske on the other hand hurts Paul deep in his soul by saying that it is the most
ordinary stone she has ever seen in her entire life. Badly hurt Paul moves along with the three
others to find a suitable place to buy some food. The quest even takes them past the famous
Fat Dog Café and Restaurant. But after much deliberation it is unanimously decided to order
some vitamin-rich fish 'n chips with aioli at a gourmet restaurant that has been cunningly
disguised as a shabby stall. After the hearty meal, some drinks are consumed in a bar in
Tutanekai Street, but it soon becomes apparent that the atmosphere in the bar across the street
is much nicer, thanks to the presence of some good old nasty looking Hell's Angels, so the
evening ends in the opposite bar. Walter also spontaneously invents a completely new sport;
backball.
17
Friday, February 4: Whakapapa Village: Wai-O-Tapu, Lady Knox
Geyser, Huka Falls: Skotel Alpine Resort18 Rotorua is left behind all bubbly and the trip
continues towards Tongariro National Park,
where they will set up camp in Whakapapa
Village. The thermal Wai-O-Tapu Geothermal
Wonderland19
is situated along the way. The
wondrous land is filled with incredible mud
pools and ponds called fumaroles. One can
marvel at the Devil's Home, the Rainbow Crater,
the Devil's Ink Pots, the Frying Pan Flat, and the
Devil's Bath, to name a few obscure places. The
Primrose Terrace is also worth mentioning, since
it is currently the largest natural terrace in New Zealand, since the disappearance of the Pink
and White Terraces. These tourist attractions were destroyed in 1886 by the eruption of
Mount Tarawera which caused the death of 150 people, or so the story goes. But time is of
course always on the move and has long since caught up with the past, because two days
earlier on February 220
- coincidentally or not exactly the day of arrival of the party in Rotorua
- researchers discovered remnants of the Pink Terraces on the bottom of Lake Rotomahana.
A visit to this wonderful place is obviously not complete without a visit to the 'punctual' Lady
Knox Geyser. But you never know what to expect from women and now it appears to be as
true a truism as can be found. Because only after 15 minutes, Lady Gaga 'spontaneously'
decides to erupt.
The jungle-like surroundings of the Huka Falls Spa Park Walk takes the young ladies into the
realms of The Lion King and are therefore spontaneously singing The Lion Sleeps Tonight21
a
cappella. Paul responds by searching the full
version in his extensive cellular music library.
Unfortunately, the ardently desired number
cannot be found. At least not the English
version. Only the Zulu version Mbube22
of the
South African band Ladysmith Black Mambazo
is found, but it soon appears that the ladies'
knowledge of African music is clearly
inadequate, because they do not sing along one
little bit. Around 1:30 pm, the end of the park is
reached. Evelyn is very considerate and hands
18
http://www.skotel.co.nz/ 19
http://www.waiotapu.co.nz/ 20
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/travel/news/article.cfm?c_id=7&objectid=10703655 21
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8milJNj_W0 22
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJF87m4_k88
18
out a carton drink and a currant bun-like bun to create a typical school trip atmosphere, that is
very much appreciated by everyone.
On the way to the Skotel along the State Highway
(exit Whakapapa Village coming from SH47) the bus
passes a kiwi traffic sign, a road sign to warn
motorists for jaywalking kiwis. One of these signs
provides sufficient parking for the bus to park for a
little while. This enables the travelling party to take
hold of their camera and take a few stylish pictures of
one another.
The Skotel Alpine Resort is located at the foot of
Mount Ruapehu and offers characteristic wooden cottages that can accommodate up to six
people. The cottages have a queen size bed in the living room and two bunk beds in adjoining
rooms. They also offer spectacular views of Mount Ngauruhoe, better known as Mount Doom
in the movie trilogy The Lord of the
Rings. Therefore, the tour group can be divided
into larger groups than before. For the ladies there
are four cottages available, while for the gentlemen
one cottage is more than sufficient. Cooking
facilities are also available for the first time, so
everyone can cook gastronomic delicacies all by
themselves. Spaghetti is the main meal in the
gentlemen's cottage. After Evelyn and Walter's
visit, the evening is concluded with a linguistic
discussion between Paul and Pete on Frisian, Māori and Zulu. Paul tries to teach Pete some
basic Zulu structures with the famous sentence: ngifuna isitulo esingasefesitileni, but it sure
takes Pete some effort. Ingamashumi amabili nanhlanu imizuzu emva kwehora lesine
completely eludes the Frisian.
19
Saturday, February 5: Tongariro Alpine Crossing23 Paul starts off the first kilometres of this legendary hike in company of Esther until Soda
Springs, the last opportunity for a
sanitary stop. The weather is not
that great, but it is at least not
raining too hard, making it not all
that bad. After a few kilometres,
Paul is all alone in front and so is
the first one to discover the
fabulous moonscape, full of
puddles and mud roads due to
heavy rainfall. At the mountain
tops, where one can decide to climb
to the actual summit of Mount
Ngauruhoe, he waits for the
others. Of course, the top of the mountain is very cold and windy, therefore after 15 minutes
he feels like he has waited long enough and runs on to the Devil's Staircase. In the meantime,
Jikke has set in her pursuit and after she reaches Paul they contest the stairs in each others'
companionship. A narrow path along the mountain side looking down into a very deep abyss,
will be considered the third near-death experience. With every step, one can hear the devil
laughing up his sleeve, but the infernal path is ultimately completed unscathed. Jikke fears
with great fear for the older men of the group, who are less flexible than the young gods and
goddesses and therefore may easier lose their balance due to a hellish squall, resulting in a
terminal drop to the devil's residence. At the summit they together await the arrival of Walter,
Esther and Anne. Esther considerately asks Paul if does not have any wet socks. Whereupon
he convincingly replies in a negatory manner. However, when continuing his walk he
immediately realises that his socks do in fact feel slightly moist. Some people would use even
the term soaking wet for this amount of wetness. The journey takes them further towards the
Emerald Lakes and the down a scoria covered ridge. This causes the nurse inside Jikke to
come boiling to the surface. She firmly instructs Paul how to safely slide down the steep
slope. As befits a good instructor, she immediately shows how not to do it by falling down
most elegantly on her rear end right under Paul's
nose.
Moments later, the now-laden Jikke is being
looked at several times in a pitiful manner by
oncoming passers-by, who are in awe of her
perseverance considering her apparent state. The
rest of the descent goes fast mainly because Paul
uses his persuasive abilities to convince Jikke to
believe they are able to complete the Alpine
23
http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/tracks-and-walks/central-north-island/ruapehu/tongariro-alpine-crossing/
20
Crossing within five hours. This leads to a swift descent, where both are even being referred
to as ‘some serious walkers’. Eventually the finish line (Ketetahi Car Park) is reached after
exactly 5 hours and 30 minutes (4:30 pm). Here, the two have to wait another hour and 15
minutes before the first pursuers cross
the line. It is only at 6:00 pm when the
very last, Evelyn and Esther, are also
shown the checkered flag. Finally, they
can enter the bus for the ride back to the
hotel, but not before Sietske describes
the colour of her face as ‘as red as a
crab’.
In the evening, the guys come to the
conclusion that they not have much of an
appetite and therefore do not really fancy
ordering all sorts of meals. This means
supper consists of typical pub food like
nuts, chips and a for dessert a homemade
cake made by the young ladies. To wash
it all away, some tasty Tui draught ales
are used.
21
Sunday, February 6: Wellington: Bulls, Sea Shepherd, St. Paul's
Cathedral: Comfort Hotel Wellington24 The route from Tongariro National Park to the capital
Wellington goes via State Highway 4 past an intriguing shoe
fence, where the bus of course has to stop under the watchful
eye of a guarding sheep. Around lunchtime, the tour group
arrives in the punful town of Bulls. Bulls is quite famous for
its many name jokes it uses to name nearly all major
attractions it has to offer. This means one can pick up candy at
Irresist-a-Bull, read books at Read-a-Bull, experience culture
in Memor-a-Bull, and report crimes at Const-a-Bull. It is
almost as exciting as Almelo, despite the absence of a traffic
light, which is always exciting, because it can change to both
green and red, as we all know. To satisfy their hunger, Jikke
and Claske set foot in the Bulls Eye Café to buy some food. Jikke appears to be
overoptimistic about her insatiable
appetite and is therefore forced to cede a
part of it to Paul to avoid having to lug
along unnecessary provisions. Others seek
out refuge in the Dutch Deli Windmill to
stock up typical Dutch food.
Upon arrival in Wellington the weather is
quite cloudy, so the magnificent views
from Mount Victoria is little more than a
hazy view of a foggy Windy
Wellington. In the centre of Wellington,
Hank and Paul explore the city, along the harbour where the Sea Shepherd has coincidentally
been docked, past the Beehive and the railway station. For Paul, a visit to any city is not
complete without a visit to the local
St. Paul's Cathedral, so a stop is
made at the old wooden church.
24
http://www.hotelwellington.co.nz/
22
Dinner is found at Burger King, located in a stately historic building, which must without any
doubt be one of the nicest located hamburger chains in the whole wide world. A dove has
infiltrated the premises and is in full fight with some French fries and performing frantic
efforts to become victorious. As the dove's table manners leave much to be desired, it uses as
tactic to catapult the fry into the air with his beak in the hope to successfully let the fry land in
the proper tube. After numerous failed attempts, Paul and Hank have had enough and depart
the Burger King forthwith, leaving the pigeon and its mission behind.
23
Monday, February 7: Te Papa Museum On this rainy Monday, the Te Papa Tongarewa Museum is honoured with a visit from Hank
and Paul. The museum has six floors dedicated
to New Zealand's rich history, culture and
nature. The first floor, by the English-speaking
people confusingly called Level 2, is dedicated
to the destructive and powerful forces of nature
(Awesome Forces) in combination with the
splendour of the beautiful scenery (Mountains
to Sea) the island has to offer. The exhibition
Awesome Forces allows to experience a real
earthquake simulation by entering a life-like
living room. The living room is the scene of a
real earthquake simulation which enables one to
feel what it is like to experience an earthquake
from very close. Paul and Hank are eager to
make use of this opportunity to test their
nerves. Paul turns out to be an experience
expert in the field of earthquakes as he has
experienced the notorious Alkmaar Earthquakes
'94, from up close. In a period of two months, the Alkmaar region shook hard twice on its
foundations. Without fear, Paul steps into the cosy living room. After a few seconds the
television magically turns on. A news broadcast shows the first Edgecumbe earthquake25
of
March 2, 1987. A few seconds later, it is followed by the more powerful aftershock of 6.3 on
the Richter scale. This earthquake caused great damage, but remarkably there were no deaths.
After two minutes of shaking, the adventure ends and everyone can return safely to their
homes. Hank is impressed by the whole affair, but Paul, on the contrary, feels quite indifferent
by the whole shakiness, due to his previous earthquake experiences.
25
http://www.teara.govt.nz/en/historic-earthquakes/11
24
At Level 3, Blood Earth Fire - Whāngai,
Whenua, Ahi Ka, a special trip is made
through the ever-changing landscape and
wildlife of Aotearoa. One floor up on
Level 4, Tangata o le Moana, one can
learn more about the backgrounds of the
people of New Zealand. For instance, one
can examine a copy of the Treaty of
Waitangi in both English and Māori. By
carefully studying this treaty, one can
conclude the importance of a having a
good translator available to convey the
message into a completely different language. In this particular case, this clearly did not
happen, since both sides had completely different interpretations of the convention, with
much controversy as a result.
A bit later, the two gentlemen observe the presence of two the five ‘keys’, Claske and Femke,
in the museum. Jointly, they drink a cup of coffee. In a classic circle discussion, in which it
becomes known who is the risk engineer, the speech therapist, the creative studies student and
the language specialist, everyone gets to know each other a bit better. Ultimately, they come
to the conclusion that cannot sit back and relax forever in the comfortable chairs, so they
unanimously agree upon further exploration of the museum.
At Level 5, Claske illegally attempts to take pictures of some precious objects and is
personally driven away by a local guard. Claske takes to her heels and still succeeds in
capturing some precious artwork on camera during her flight. Her flight takes her to the
elevator, where Hank and Paul are accidentally waiting after a quick tour of the fashion
exhibition of the museum. It now appears that Femke has suddenly disappeared into thin air
from the planet, but well before a search and rescue operation can be put into place, the lost
daughter resurfaces. The foursome then moves to the museum shop on the ground floor,
known to the Anglo-Saxons as Level 1. Amid all the memorabilia the third 'key' suddenly
appears from nowhere, also known as Jikke. After a few minutes of jibber jabbing, it is high
time for Jikke to explore the museum at a furious pace, because she only has an hour due to
her busy schedule. After temporarily saying goodbye to Jikke, the others browse through the
store looking for interesting gadgets. Femke shows her interest in a linguistically sound book
called Instant Māori. The very same book Paul had purchased five days earlier at a secret
location along SH1, and she immediately wants possession of it. She makes the firm decision
to take a few dollar bills from her wallet, which is quickly becoming emptier and emptier,
with the intent to be educated in the linguistically fascinating Polynesian language. After
purchasing the book, the four make their way through the rain into the city centre to look for a
lunch spot, which is found at Plum Cafe26
, albeit for some hard thinking. Claske orders tea of
dubious taste, that will only be possible to down after a lot of perseverance. Afterwards, the
26
http://www.plumcafe.co.nz/
25
local chemist is able to increase his revenue for the day through the purchase of various
creams, ointments and remedies by the Dutch merchants.
Tuesday, February 8: Marlborough Sounds: Wilderness Park27 (9 km) An early rise is required to be able to board the plane to Picton on time. But because there are
some problems with Hank and Paul's alarm clock,
the slamming door of next door neighbour Evelyn
has to act as a wake up call (6:20 am). Ten minutes
later, the two of them arrive with their suitcases in
the hotel lobby in a semi-awake state.
At Picton Airfield (PCN) it is finally possible to
disclose the weight of the mega suitcase to the
curious public. The suitcase has a mild form of
obesity (21 kg/42 lbs), but thanks to the group
check-in in combination with the typical no worries mentality of the ground staff, there is
really nothing to worry about. That one kilogram (2.20 lbs) overweight on the Cessna
Caravan should not endanger public health, so safe passage can be made to the South Island.
After first having met new bus driver Geoff at Picton Harbour, the group goes out for lunch at
Picton Village Bakery28
, where real Dutch food can be found, such as a whipped cream
custard filled donut. Femke happily tells about her fascination with the US after which can be
determined with certainty that the Americans have not heard the last of Ms Govers. She'll be
back. Maybe not immediately but definitely in the summer of 2011.
They board a fine ship and leave the port of
Picton. After a few hours they moor at Ship
Cove. The place where Captain Cook set foot,
first aboard the Endeavour and later on board the
Resolution in the seventies of the 18th
century. From here, a long trek commences
through the forests of the Marlborough
Sounds. A beautiful yet challenging hike with
beautiful scenery and also dangerous paths. It all
takes place in good weather. The first obstacle is
a wild running creek where Paul is admonished by Karen to provide a helping hand in order to
reach the other side in a dry state. Along the track, the trip is complicated by the ongaonga
plant, an annoying cousin of the nettle. Of course, time has also been set aside for the
inevitable group picture of the adventurers on top of a fallen tree.
27 http://www.truenz.co.nz/wilderness/detailed.html#OuterQCT
28 http://www.facebook.com/pages/Picton-Village-Bakkerij/118957804781438
26
Moments later, there is widespread panic when Karen's knee breaks down. Everyone fears for
a moment that she will have to be left behind in the jungle using Darwin's favourite maxim;
survival of the fittest. Someone (who for privacy reasons wishes to remain anonymous) also
suggests the brilliant idea of shooting the victim to put her out of her misery, but ultimately
this all proves to be unnecessary, as Karen is able to continue down the path as a lame duck.
Walter sees his chance to position his shoes on two occasions in two different pieces of cow
dung, which were ingeniously laid down by a lone, stray cow. Because at this stage the path
becomes more narrow and rocky, Paul decides to introduce a new descent technique. The
technique consists largely of letting gravity do most of the work, in other words, running
down until a bend comes in sight, and then exactly when the bend comes awfully close,
clinging on to a nearby tree branch. The fact that Paul is in fourth position behind guide
Lucie, Walter and Tacha, discomfits especially the latter, as she has little faith in this strategy,
so Paul is summoned to get into second position. In
retrospect it appears that overtaking was not necessary,
since no significant crashes take place, apart from Tacha
herself. Around 5 pm, Anakakata Bay is reached. The
non-walkers in the group have already been resting here
for quite some time, whilst enjoy the magnificent
view. The garden is populated by chicken-like critters,
called weka. Very shy, but very curious creatures, that try
to consume one's shoes if one is not paying the proper
amount of attention.
In the evening, a lovely meal is had at the dining table. During the dinner ceremony, Paul gets
a sudden cramp attack, that just as
quickly disappears as it had
appeared. After dinner, there is a
pleasant evening programme, during
which everyone entertains each other
with all kinds of idiosyncratic
movements. One makes sounds with his
ankle, another with her hand, and
another person bends her very bendy
thumb. Karen is of the opinion that the
time has come to give Paul a new
nickname, because Jacob is so outdated already. The wise blonde lady feels John is an apt
name for Jacob. Meanwhile, the earth has rotated in such a way that a spectacular sunset can
be admired. Everyone jumps from his or her comfortable seat to the garden to capture this
beautiful natural backdrop for eternity.
27
Wednesday, February 9: Cape Jackson Lighthouse 10:45 am. Initially, Paul does not have much of a morale to take a long walk. But as time goes
by and almost everyone has set off to see the lighthouse, he eventually picks himself up and
takes off as well. Paul accompanies the group of Anne, Esther, Femke and Ivonne, but after a
mere ten minutes, he feels the current pace is not up to his standard. Therefore he breaks away
from the pack and starts his chase for John, Hank and Pete, who had departed from the start
line 45 minutes earlier. Fifteen minutes later, Paul finally catches up with them. Suddenly, a
couple minutes later, a metallic sound is heard in the background. Paul does not trust it one
little bit and briskly continues his way forward. The sound is getting louder and louder, and it
is definitely approaching fast. Moments later, the time has come. A metal horse carrying
many women looms from behind the
bend in a brave attempt to let the brave
walker bite the dust. Evelyn summons
Paul to give way, so the car can take the
undeserved lead. Paul obeys this request
while thinking that in the very near
future there will be a chance to overtake
the many horsepower producing
vehicle. After a few minutes the vehicle
stops moving again, which motivates
Paul to immediately chase it down. For
about half a minute both sides remain in
balance, but then the ladies, under the guidance of the jeep, leave Paul in the dust. However, it
does not take long before the next encounter takes place, which is then followed by a third
one. After having said goodbye to each other for a third time, Paul finds himself in a devilish
dilemma. An intersection provides the possibility of taking the safe route of the ladies, or risk
life and limbs along a rugged shortcut. The observant reader will immediately know the only
correct answer to this question. On a path of Mount Everest proportions that would even make
Sir Edmund Hillary tremble in his grave, Paul moves between the rocks in the hope of ever
again encountering a walkable path. After a few anxious moments and attacks by deadly
insects, he reaches the promised land, a walkable or rather, a runnable path. Paul is confident
that with a little extra exercise, he will be able to shake off the ladies. He runs and runs, and
runs some more, to stop for a second, and then continues to run even faster as a greater
roadrunner (Geococcyx californianus). Then, the sneak route spontaneously ends and joins the
main road. Immediately Paul hears automobile sounds coming from around the corner. Not
much later, the beast again overtakes him, but
within a short time the roles are reversed again, as
the female companions are lured out of the jeep by
the presence of three horse hung animals. Paul sees
this as his chance to again take the lead and to not
let it slip. Several hundred metres along the way, the
practicable road ceases to exist and diverges into a
narrow cliff path towards the lighthouse. The
28
lighthouse can be seen in the far distance and although the start of the trail is rough, it evens
out quite quickly. After exactly 15 minutes walking, Paul reaches the finish which has taken
the form of a lighthouse, meaning he did it in exactly 1 hour and 30 minutes (6 kilometres).
As a reward the winner treats himself with a break while enjoying a well-deserved beer. After
waiting for 20 minutes, the pursuers Sietske
and Jikke also cross the finish line. Then
they prepare for the overly known photo
shoot, until they are ready to deploy the
collective retreat, during which Femke,
Ivonne, Anne and Esther are greeted, not
much later followed by John, Pete and
Hank. Along the path they meet up with
Ineke, Gerry and Ellen, which makes the
three-headed companionship decide to make
a short detour to Golden Sand Beach where
three horsepowers are greeted. But it turns
out the path is not challenging enough, so the decision is made to reach the homestead via the
Gold Mines. No sooner said than almost done, as the gold mines happen to be hiding and are
therefore hidden from view. After a journey of two hours the three haul themselves battle-
weary to the abandoned lodge where they can recover from a wonderful daytrip.
In the evening, it is again time for a divine meal, and for dessert a traditional New Zealand
pavlova is served. Unfortunately, there is just not enough for everyone, so Paul mercifully
decides to leave his portion to the dessertless ones. An act that will long be remembered. The
evening is concluded by Ron (the owner of Ron & Gerry's Wilderness Park) who has been
asked to share about the history, present and future of this magnificent area. Ron is clearly not
a passionate fan of the animal kingdom that was brought by explorer James Cook. The exotic
goats in particular, that devour everything they can lay their mouths on, dare not count on
sympathetic Ron's sympathy. They can, however, count on the ammunition of Ron and his
friends. Pete subsequently poses the question of where south is situated, in order to determine
the location of the Southern Cross. Ron's reply leaves Pete totally dissatisfied, since the south,
according to Ron and Danielle's
compass, is in a completely different
place than Pete's sense of direction
indicates. As evidence, Ron shows the
starry sky, including the Southern
Cross, to Pete and everyone else. This
results in the garden becoming a
buzzing place. For once, Paul is the last
one arriving and because darkness has
set in, making the stairs invisible to the
naked eye, Paul unexpectedly collapses
29
several inches down into the abyss. He can barely avoid being forced to push up the
daisies. He dusts himself off to - albeit with a short delay - start observing the Southern Cross
with the rest of the gang.
Thursday, February 10: Nelson: Queen Charlotte Drive, Pelorus Bridge
Scenic Reserve29: Nelson Central YHA30 On the bus, Paul gets companionship of Claske, resulting in the sharing of many of life's
wisdoms along the drive. When asked what kind of souvenirs Paul has purchased so far, the
answer remains somewhat vague at first. ‘Some sort of soft animal toy thingy’, does not seem
to exist in Claske's vocabulary. Fortunately, eavesdropping Danielle helps a helping hand by
coming up with the right translation: a cuddly toy.
Obviously, Evelyn has chosen to take the
scenic route for the trip to Nelson, during
which Evelyn brings up the discussion what
would be a correct Dutch translation of this
commonly used English word. The answers
that are brought to the table are ruthlessly
rejected by Paul. The end result is that an
ultimatum is reached in stating it is a very
beautiful route along quaint houses and
picturesque scenery, in short a panoramic
feast for the eyes. This route has been aptly
named Queen Charlotte Drive, following
Queen Charlotte Track, both situated in Queen Charlotte Sounds. Captain James Cook named
this beautiful region after his lovely Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz (19 May 1744
to 17 November 1818).
The beautiful Pelorus Bridge is located halfway along the trail, which runs across the Pelorus
River. A historic site due to the fact that
Māori chief Te Rauparaha created a
massacre by murdering two Māori tribes,
Ngāti Apa and Ngāti Kuia. Today it is a
much more peaceful place, widely known as
a picturesque nature reserve. On the menu is
a nice short 45 minute walk, called Circle
Walk. As the name suggests, it is a circular
walk, meaning start and finish are one and
the same. The walk starts at the parking lot
after which the Pelorus Bridge is crossed,
29
http://www.doc.govt.nz/upload/documents/parks-and-recreation/tracks-and-walks/nelson-marlborough/pelorus-bridge-scenic-reserve.pdf 30
http://www.yha.co.nz/Hostels/South+Island+Hostels/Nelson/
30
where can be looked down to spot some bathers, who are bathing in the Pelorus River. A short
time later, the second bridge comes into view, which runs across the Rai River. The tramping
track on the other side is much rougher, so all wheelchair users have to be left behind. The
forest is rich with various flora, including ferns, epiphytes, mosses and lichen. Several species
of native birds are also fluttering around, including the kererū (native pigeon), bellbirds, tūī
and fantails. Paul shares some of his life stories with Evelyn while both do not seem to notice
having left the rest of the walkers far behind. But as befits a good tour guide, Evelyn decides
to wait for the herd, meaning Paul will continue the road ahead by himself, resulting in
rushing the 45-minute walk in only 30 minutes. The winner's prize is a delicious ice cream
which is enjoyed while waiting for the arrival of the rest of the group.
When evening comes, Ineke, Gerry, Ellen, Hank, John, Pete and Paul have dinner at Café
Affair31
. Hank and Paul are even cooking their own dinner on a trusty old stone grill. After the
filling evening supper they depart for a walk to Trafalgar Park in order to sniff some
nature. The expected park reveals no park in the traditional sense of the word, but a so-called
sports park, which is used by the cricketers of Central Districts Stags and the rugby players of
Tasman Makos. When looking at this beautiful stadium, specially renovated for the
forthcoming 2011 Rugby World Cup with a current capacity of 20,080 seats, sounds are heard
coming from a nearby brass band, where local musicians are blowing their wind instruments
on this fine Thursday evening. After a brief listening session that is concluded with a standing
ovation for the musicians from Gerry, they go across a bridge to reach nearby Rutherford
Park. After a brief tour through the sports park it is about time to return back to the hostel.
Friday, February 11: Abel Tasman National Park32
Geoff has started his bus' engine early to
be able to transport the whole lot from
the parking lot to the idyllic town of
Kaiteriteri. The focal point of the Abel
Tasman National Park - the smallest
national park in New Zealand - from
where many other types of activities and
excursions can be made. Tacha and
Walter decide to go kayaking and are
thus personally dropped off by Geoff at
the point of destination. The rest of the
group gets on a boat to set foot at one of
the many golden sandy beaches, and go for a hike, or go kayaking or undertake some other
exciting activity. The majority of active people get off at Anchorage Bay, the short four-hour
route. The tough ones Esther, Pete and Paul sail on all the way to Bark Bay, equivalent to a
seven hour hike back to Marahau.
31
http://www.cafeaffair.co.nz/ 32
http://www.abeltasman.co.nz/
31
10:50 am. Since Abel Tasman National Park is considered to be a very popular park among
tourists and locals alike, all tramping paths are of high quality. Also, many toilet facilities are
available for those with a small bladder. The first few kilometres are quite heavy for the three
travel pals, because immediately the trail rises steeply, then straight down, immediately
followed by ascending straight up again. For quite a long time (30 minutes), the small group
stays true to each other, until during one of the
climbs Paul commences walking at his own
pace, a pace Esther and Pete can no longer
keep up with. At 12:00 pm, after about a one
hour's walk, they reach Torrent Bay, an ideal
location to spend one's lunch break. Pete soon
finds a rope attached to a tree branch, which
offers a perfect way to take a person back to
his childhood. For minutes on end, everyone
swings and sways about. At 12:30 pm, it is
time to get back in motion, because there is
still 16 kilometres of travelling to do. Magical landscapes alternate with beautiful beaches and
bright green foliage. Due to the presence of route signs, Paul is able to calculate his exact
speed and thus the time he has left to cross the finish line in Marahau. In the last kilometre,
Paul makes his camera casefree, so he can save valuable time to take a photo of the finish
line. This turns out to be an expensive operation, valued at NZD 30, because here the earth's
gravitational force gets a hold of Paul's carelessly in his pocket stowed away camera case,
which consequently decides to fall to the ground. At 3.50 pm, Paul arrives in Marahau in
exactly five hours of walking. Only when sitting down at the patio table that is populated by
Claske, Ellen and John, he notices he has lost something. He even returns to the alleged crime
scene, but to no avail. The camera cover has taken French leave and then also decided to
disappear from the face of the earth.
Upon their return to Nelson, Evelyn proposes to have an old fashioned picnic in the park and
perhaps even throw a Frisbee around. Enthusiasm is to be found so far away for most people,
that it is not even worth the trouble to start looking for it. Esther, Hank, Paul and Jikke are
very enthused about the plan and decide to jointly visit the local supermarket to purchase a
homemade meal. Unfortunately, Jikke’s body is not very favourable towards this plan and
forces her to prematurely and disappointedly ooze on down back to the hostel. The four
survivors amuse themselves with homemade salads, avocados and self-bought lasagna in
Anzac Park, despite the absence of a stimulating fun Frisbee, which is unavailable for
purchase at this late hour. Over time it slowly starts getting dark and with these comfortable
temperatures everyone listens to a constant buzzing of tree critters. Then suddenly the lights
switch on, resulting in dead silence, because the tree beings do not seem to fancy artificial
light very much. Not long after, the foursome heads back to the hostel terrace for a lovingly
made cappuccino. Everyone is informed of important news from the Netherlands, where
Johnny and Bridget have parted.
32
Saturday, February 12: Blackball: Formerly the Blackball Hilton33
Nelson is left behind and the journey continues southwards to
Blackball. An old mining town close to Pike River Mine, where
36 miners were trapped in November 2010, including some
residents of Blackball.
But the route to Blackball consists of many short outings. First
up, the Buller Gorge Swingbridge34
, where one can cross an
enormous gap via a swingbridge and after having arrived at the
other side, one has the option to walk back, or fly back while
hanging from a cable. Extra bonus is found in murdering or
evading hundreds of sandflies that are ambitiously trying to
suck fresh blood. Especially the sweet ladies' blood appears to
be a gourmet delicacy, so the men can relax in a relatively relaxed manner.
After Buller Gorge, the bus stops a few kilometres down the road at Cape Foulwind35
, where
after a short 44-minute walk, a seal colony can be spotted. The seal watch is followed by an
exclusive kiwi lunch. A few aggressive people cut without any compassion through the poor
kiwi's heart that does not even get a chance to utter a final death-rattle. Its kiwi friends must
watch heartlessly how the intestines are greedily spooned from its lifeless shell. Human nature
is cruel.
Next stop are the Pancake Rocks36
at Punakaiki. Rare, beautifully shaped rock formations in
the shape of pancake rocks, which, depending on the weather, can be recognised as being
topped off with syrup or sugar (a bit of imagination is necessary to see this).
Formerly the Blackball
Hilton does own up to its
name of being an
authentic hotel. The
appearance is that of a
hotel where time has
stood still for about 50
years. Therefore, some
people dare not take one
single step inside the
ramshackle hotel. But
because the street looks
even more inhospitable,
they too eventually decide to go inside.
33
http://www.blackballhilton.co.nz/ 34
http://www.bullergorge.co.nz/ 35
http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/tracks-and-walks/west-coast/buller/cape-foulwind-walkway/ 36
http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/places-to-visit/west-coast/buller-area/punakaiki-pancake-rocks-and-blowholes/
33
In the meanwhile, the eyes of Pete and John have
spotted a vitamin-rich bush in the garden across the
street. They throw themselves as vultures on the
powerless blackberry bushes that cannot do much else
than to let their fruits get picked. The blackberries are
thus promoted to appetizers. The main meal consists
of fish, steak or vegetarian food and/or chips. Because
Jikke's slender body cannot fully handle a basket o’
chips, the basket is passed on, to be emptied in a
Paulistic environment.
In the evening, Evelyn and Karen decide to paint Blackball red till the wee hours. In his
dreams, Paul persistently tries to capture Pete's snoring on his camera, but miserably fails,
because his camera malfunctions.
Sunday, February 13: Fox Glacier: Lake Matheson Motel37
Paul dreams that he is late for the morning tour through
Blackball. Something that in particular Gerry does not take
lightly, as a corollary, he decides to lie flat on a railway
crossing to watch a train drive furiously past from close-
by. Meanwhile, Femke categorically denies that she is the
daughter of one of Paul's university professors. A third degree
is needed to get her to acknowledge that she is indeed the
professor's daughter. Then, Evelyn sticks her dream world oar
in by asking for a cup of coffee. Of course, there are no cups
to be found, so Paul must first find himself an ATM, which, as
it turns out, desires €2.50 transaction costs. He does not like it
one little bit, but he will need to sacrifice his principles in
order to get to the coffee. Then suddenly the ATM breaks
down, resulting in a failed coffee mission.
The village tour under the inspiring leadership of Blackballian Donna Cavander brings most
of the party across the park, the fire station, the haunted house, the mines and the church. A
shower causes the company to slowly shrink. Where they started off with ten, a few moments
later at the haunted community centre a couple more disappear without a trace and not much
later a few more vanish into space somewhere in the mines. The survivors bravely move on to
eventually safely arrive at the hotel.
37
http://www.lakematheson.co.nz/
34
It is a drizzly day on the South
Island. Continuous rain clouds fill the sky, but
luckily it is a travel day, so most of the time is
spent in the dry bus. There needs to be stopped
only a few times, among others, at the National
Kiwi Centre38
in Hokitika to admire kiwis in
person. After kiwi time, it is shopping time at the
New World Supermarket to be able to survive
the next few days. After the grocery shopping,
Paul sees his chance to slip into a photo shop to
pick up a new camera case. Lunch takes place at Café de Paris39
, that needs to be quickly
engorged, because Geoff is already in his leaving state.
Before the final destination Fox Glacier is reached, first the other glacier - or as Herr Haast
called it, Franz Josef Glacier - has to be looked at. Due to heavy rainfall, Evelyn is compelled
to safeguard her own ass, yet she remains optimistic that the glacier may still be seen. A ten
minute walk across a soaked path leads to a gloomy viewpoint that offers a miserably
disappointing view of a glacier shrouded in
mist. Severely depressed by the absence of the
desired view, the sodden tourists march back
across the walkway to the parking lot, where they
find their seat to dry. Nature proves that this is
indeed the wettest place in New Zealand, and
certainly one of the wettest in the world with an
average annual rainfall of 5100 mm.
After a long day of travel, the bus reaches around
18:30 pm its destination, Fox Glacier. A place
that besides the numerous alpine activities has nothing, absolutely nothing to offer. The fact
that Fox Glacier is one of the few glaciers in the world ending in lush rainforests only 300
metres above sea level, does ensure it is a special place and makes it all worthwhile.
Head cook John cooks dinner that consists of old-fashioned Dutch food: cauliflower, potatoes,
green beans and chicken. Visiting Evelyn admits to have missed this food a whole darn lot
and she can hardly believe that all these delicacies are right in front of her nose.
38
http://www.thenationalkiwicentre.co.nz/ 39
http://www.cafedeparis.net.nz/CafeDeParis/Home.php http://maps.google.nl/maps?hl=nl&q=Cafe+De+Paris,+Tancred+Street,+Hokitika,+West+Coast,+New+Zealand&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wl
35
Monday, February 14: Glacier Hike40
Femke comes over to together with Paul make their way towards the metropolis that is Fox
Glacier for undertaking the half day hike. Femke is directly forced by Pete to stuff her bag
with all kinds of healthy foods, ranging from green apples to orange oranges and bright
yellow bananas. She finally knows how to save herself by compliantly accepting one of the
many pieces of fruit. Subsequently, Paul and Femke skedaddle off and after having made a
slightly wrong turn, they soon spot Walter, who will also walk the same road.
The glacier hike is of impressive proportions. With
crampons under their shoes they start the tour across
the cool ice. Because the glacier is not very fond of
standing still, every day new paths have to be
constructed. Therefore, one cannot speak of a very
comfortable hike to describe the hike, an
uncomfortable hike suits better in the search for the
right word. Yet it is still worthwhile to move through a
40 centimetre wide and one meter high corridor. Paul
almost gets seriously injured to one of his two hands,
but the damage is somewhat minor, a superficial cut of
about 10,000 microns lets a stream of blood run from
his veins.
Because the glacier hike has only taken up the
morning, the whole afternoon is still wide open. Having been dropped off in front of Fox
Glacier Guiding, Femke, Walter and Paul walk jointly down Cook Flat Road back to Lake
Matheson Hotel. Upon arrival at his cottage, Paul goes looking for his lunch that is awaiting
in the fridge, which he will nibble while enjoying the warmth of the sunshine. Paul has been
given the important task by John to go shopping for groceries and after Evelyn has confirmed
that the items on the shopping list are available at the local supermarket, he confidently goes
on his way. The Fox Glacier General Store indeed offers a wide range of food products, but
the concept of competition has clearly not been introduced in Fox. The General Store is the
city's only supermarket and it exploits this monopolistic position to the fullest. Prices are high
and the resulting damage for an onion, a few tomatoes, a lettuce, cookies and two bottles of
wine is thus about NZD 40. The rest of the afternoon is used to update the travel blog for the
folks back home and to do the somewhat necessary laundry.
40
http://www.foxguides.co.nz/
36
Come evening time it has become a busy scene
in the gentlemen's cottage with all the gathered
female beauty, consisting of Jikke, Sietske,
Claske, Femke, Ellen and Gerry. The
youngsters entertain themselves with viewing
Femke's digital pictures on her laptop and the
others keep each other company with cosy
chit-chat. Then suddenly a terrifying scream is
heard, as if small children are being spit-laced
as suckling pigs. The young ones immediately
jump off the couch and go out to investigate. It
appears to be an outcry from the local kea family. This playful bird is closely related to the
kaka and is famous for its intelligence and curiosity. For these parrot-like birds it is clearly
playtime as they appear to be training with tennis balls for the upcoming Ornithological
World Championships, where they will cross swords with the always strong ravens, eagles
and falcons, but the ducks, regarded as dark horse, should also not be underestimated.
Femke and the girls still try to explain to Pete what The Big Bang Theory is all about, but
unfortunately for them, Pete does not know his classics. Numerous examples fly across the
table to make Pete see the light. But all the examples they rake up as comparison for this
comedy show, such as Friends, The Bold and the Beautiful, and Neighbours, it does not ring
the slightest bell inside Pete's head.
The late evening meal consists of pancakes,
salad, baked potatoes, plus Ellen and Gerry's
leftovers. Sufficient vitamins and minerals
for Paul to refuel his empty tank. After a
memorable evening, Femke feels it is time
to say goodbye. But saying goodbye is
difficult. Attempt 1 fails, attempt 2 fails
even more, followed by failed attempts 3, 4,
5 and 6. Gerry, Ellen, Pete, Hank and John
are too busy with different activities in the
kitchen to notice outside noises. Only when
Pete leaves the kitchen zone, the departure process can successfully be put in motion, so
Femke can leave the building holding her head up high.
37
Another discussion is brought up about the size of Paul's suitcase. ‘What in the world could
be in it?’, is the recurring question. Sietske is convinced that the case is big enough, and she
small and flexible enough, to fit into it. Before Sietske can ask if she is allowed to give it a go,
Paul is already busy emptying his suitcase. One minute later, the bed is strewn with a pile of
clothes and an exciting new adventure beckons for Sietske. Will she fit, or not? After a bit of
inch and pinch, she finds a comfortable spot in the oh so large suitcase. Thanks to Sietske's
limber body it even looks very cosy inside. Sitting all folded up is fun, but it really becomes
adventurous when
the trunk closes. An
added bonus is
obviously a bit of
driving around the
room. This is
obviously the reason
wheels have been
added to a suitcase,
because in the olden
days it happened just
too often that people
were unable to put
girls into suitcases.
Fortunately that
problem is now solved. For fear of suffocation Sietske begs not to close the proverbial
lid. Merciful Paul agrees to this. Moments later, the adventure is at its peak. Folded Sietske
inside the Titan Superlite 4 Wheel Trolley 83 is being driven around the cottage in Fox
Glacier and immortalized for posterity by the paparazzi that are flocking from all sides.
38
Tuesday, February 15: Queenstown: Lake Matheson, Haast,
Fergburger41: Lakeview Holiday Park42 The mysterious valentine poems are the talk of the day. An authentic whodunit is the result, in
which everybody points to the other as the 'guilty' one. The picturesque Lake Matheson,
which is only a ten minutes drive from Fox Glacier, should not be absent in the photo
collection. That is why the 19 people take place in Geoff's bus to see the world-famous mirror
lake. The mirror lake is true to its name, as it is as the name suggests, a lake. Although it does
reflect quite a lot of light for a lake, so a mirror would probably be a better description. In
other words, it is a lake that has the properties of a mirror, maybe a more appropriate name
would be a lake mirror, for a lack of a better description. After the photos are made, Paul
walks along with Jikke and Sietske towards Lake Matheson Café43
. Along the way, Jikke
again brings up the valentine poem and asks Paul if she may read Paul's. This devious tactic
ensures that Paul in his quest for the ‘perpetrator’, removes Jikke from his list. A fatal
decision that will cost him dearly in the very near future.
The bus continues its journey along the famous Haast Highway to - how surprising -
Haast. This settlement is named after German geologist Julius von Haast, who travelled to
New Zealand in 1858 to perform geological surveys. He also made use of the chance to name
Franz Josef Glacier Franz Josef Glacier. Before that moment, people simply referred to the
glacier by calling it that glacier over there beside the other glacier, with much confusion as a
logical consequence.
41
http://www.fergburger.com/fullscreen.html 42
http://www.holidaypark.net.nz/ 43
http://www.lakematheson.com/
39
Until 1966, Haast remained cut off from the outside world by lack of a road. Then, the
Ministry of Works came up with the brilliant idea to construct a road. But of course, a team of
road workers needs considerable time to construct a completely new road, so the ministerial
team of geniuses decided to have a second team of road workers help out, so the road can be
realised in half the amount of time. No sooner said than done. One team started south of Ross
working their ways southwards, while the other team started at the Haast Pass working up the
north along the coast. After a long period of roadworks, both teams finally meet up at a
picturesque point on the coast. To be able to let historians write about all of this, the Ministry
decided in all its wisdom that a memorial should be erected in the form of an obelisk. And
what is more beautiful than an obelisk named after a dog? Perhaps an obelisk named after an
obscure dog. But even better is an obelisk named after an obscure dog of an even more
obscure employee of the ministry. For this reason, the viewpoint along the Haast Highway is
now known as Knight's Point, named after the obscure dog of an obscure employee.
After a brief stop in Haast, where the caffeine level is brought to a normal level, and the local
nicotineman frightens Ineke by selling a packet of rolling tobacco for the immense amount of
$NZ 32 (18 euros), the bus travels in a southeasterly direction over the Haast Pass Highway to
Thunder Creek Falls. The secret behind the valentine
notes is unravelled on the bus ride. The secretive
Sietske and Jikke frankly admit to be the evil geniuses
in designing this romantic escapade. Paul's theory of
analysing the handwriting and thus eliminating the
number of 'offenders' back to three possible
candidates seemed appropriate, but Jikke's cunning
plan of asking to read the poem, led Paul up the
garden path. Therefore, he openly admits he was
barking up the wrong tree and congratulates the two
young ladies with their sophisticated and well-
executed scheme. Meanwhile, the bus reaches
Thunder Creek Falls. This waterfall does absolutely
no honour to its name, for it is a graceful and narrow
waterfall cascading down 28 metres into the azure
blue Haast River.
The following panoramic lookout is The Neck, the point where the lakes Wanaka and Hawea
are only 1000 metres apart. From here, the companionship enjoys breathtaking views over
Lake Wanaka with the idyllic mountains of Mount Aspiring National Park in the background.
A few dozen kilometres along the way, Geoff decides decisively to add a stop in Wanaka,
where he parks the bus near the beach in Ardmore Street. At the parking lot, Evelyn summons
everyone to decide immediately what he or she wishes to undertake two days later in Te
Anau. Go for a glow-worm expedition, go for a boat trip through Milford Sound, see a movie
and/or enjoy an intimate dinner together. Especially the cinema, enjoying a nice dinner and
the visit to Milford Sound are popular and are elected by everyone. The glowing worms are
clearly less appealing to some, and will have to wait until hell freezes over, and even then
40
they will still have to wait and see if they will be found interesting enough. Ineke, Femke,
Claske, Sietske, Jikke and Paul decide to check out the beach, but Claske agrees after
consulting herself that she will meet up with the others at some later time, because she first
needs to do some grocery shopping to prevent a sudden death. Femke shows her war wounds
on the beach. Many times she has had to endure vicious attacks from killer sandflies that have
feasted on her sweet blood. Without any elegy she accepts her fate as sandfly magnet, that is
particularly greatly appreciated by her female companions.
Only around dinner time, the bus arrives in Queenstown, the adventure capital of New
Zealand and home to the
spectacular The Remarkables
Mountain Range as ever-present
backdrop. Geoff first sends the
bus through the town centre, so
everyone can recognise where
they need to check in the next day.
Evelyn also encourages everyone
to visit Fergburger, a famous
hamburger business, which only
operates in Queenstown. Geoff
continues on to Lake View
Holiday Park, where Evelyn will
take care of the check in. As usual, the speed of service leaves much to be desired, especially
when Evelyn asks to provide her with an extra key to each apartment. Evelyn, therefore,
decides to show some own initiative and simply grabs a whole box of keys to categorise and
distribute them among the hungry and impatient people. Finally, everyone is able to look for
his or her apartment to stow away his or her belongings.
Hank and Paul quickly agree to have dinner at Fergburger. They also heard in the grapevine
that Femke, Jikke and Sietske are also interested in visiting this place. Therefore, the two seek
out the whereabouts of the youngest 'keys'. A short walk brings them into contact with Gerry
and Ellen, who are enjoying the evening sun. They happen to know that the young ladies are
hiding in the apartment at the end of the passageway. The gentlemen did not get their hopes
up for nothing, because the apartment is indeed filled with the expected ladies. The ladies say
that they should wait a little before dinner, because Evelyn first needs to come over to pass
out information about the day of tomorrow. Half an hour later, busy Eve finally arrives and
tells all those present what to do. She tries to lead Paul astray, by providing him with a false
check-in time. However, Paul is not easily wrong-footed and throws the ball firmly back into
Evelyn's court by asking whether the time should not be one hour later, implying that Eve has
made a mistake. She is thus forced to bear the consequences and search her own heart. After
Evelyn has left with her tail between her legs, the five go downtown for a truly gourmet
meal. Because everyone needs to give a name when ordering and the ‘keys’ do have rather
unpronounceable names for the Anglo-Saxon world, Sietske decides her name will be Lisa for
this special occasion. The burgers are greedily consumed by everyone, although Sietske has to
41
cede superiority to the Fergburger. Paul must admit that a Fergburger with fries leaves no
room for a half Sietske Fergburger.
With a full stomach, Sietske, Jikke,
Femke, Hank and Paul head back into
town. Soon they meet a real American
hero, who asks where people nowadays
come from. When the answer is the
Netherlands, American garlands are
brought. The girls do not find it very
interesting and walk away
disillusioned, but Paul continues to talk
with the soldier, who personally fought
against Saddam Hussein in
Iraq. Eventually, Paul feels it is time to
take his leave and says goodbye to the
pretty tipsy American. When joining the ladies and Hank, the ladies admit that they did not
fully trust the soldier, and they feared that he wanted to make Paul's valuable Italian designer
sunglasses his own.
When the sun has set over idyllic
Queenstown, it turns out New Zealand
really does have a vibrant
nightlife. Numerous street performers do
their thing, from professional diabolo
throwers to a Belgian comedian, that lets a
small child steal his show. Even pubs are
open after ten o'clock! Pubs in which
dancing gay men can be found, who woo
blonde ladies from North-Holland.
42
Wednesday, February 16: Shotover Jet44, Bob’s Peak Queenstown, adventure capital of the world. Bungy jumping, canyon swinging (world's
highest swing), ballooning, rafting, mountain biking, and lots more. Femke, Hank, Ellen,
Tacha and Wouter feel compelled to hang down
a piece of elastic rope and drop down tens of
metres toward a shallow-like piece of
river. Paul chooses to start the morning in all
serenity by giving his two feet a rest in a
supercharged jetboat together with Femke. A
jetboat powered by twin Buick V6 3.8 litre
supercharged engines producing 520
horsepower and thrusting 760 litres of water per
second. It doesn’t get any safer than this. The
only thing that could possibly happen is a head-on collision at a speed of 80 km/h with a cliff
or a spontaneous amputation of a limb by one of the engines. Practically none of this happens
during the 45 minute ride on the Shotover River. After the thrilling ride, both participants
again make the compulsory photo and DVD purchases. Then, Femke will have to prepare
mentally for her bungy swing of death45
.
In the afternoon, Paul takes his whole kit and
caboodle to the internet café World Bar to update
his blog. The aforementioned group travels to the
Nevis River to face certain death. Fortunately, the
elastic cords seem of sound quality, so no search
operation has to be put in motion to look for pieces
of travel companion by the others.
Later in the afternoon, a visit to Bob's Peak is on
the agenda. Femke, Hank and Paul step into the gondola to go to the top of the mountain, and
Femke splits up for a luge ride. Hank and Paul walk on, after watching Femke's thrill ride, to
see how paragliders are paragliding off the hill. They watch for minutes on end how a woman
refuses to rush off a cliff in the footsteps of her husband. Then it is time to locate Femke, who
- out of pure delight - seems to have spontaneously multiplied herself as she is now in the
company of Anne and Karen while enjoying a drink. Femke's coke turns out more than the
young 'key' can handle, therefore Paul takes on the rewarding job of emptying the glass.
Paul and Hank feel it is a good idea to visit Fergburger46
for a second time, since they are still
in Queenstown anyway. Hank again chooses the Fergburger with extra cheese, but Paul opts
for a more exotic option, the Bun Laden. Paul's intuition tells him that it is a terroristically
delicious sandwich that in the near future may die a horrible death. The Bun Laden consists of
44
http://www.shotoverjet.com/ 45
http://www.bungy.co.nz/the-nevis/the-nevis-arc 46
http://www.fergburger.com/
43
falafel patties dressed with lemon yoghurt, chipotle chilli sauce, lettuce, tomato, red onion,
cucumber, avocado and aioli. It certainly does not disappoint and has a terrifyingly delicious
taste.
Thursday, February 17: Te Anau: Kepler Track47: Fiordland Hotel48 After having spent two days in Queenstown, the schedule no longer permits to remain one
minute longer in this adventure town. The schedule indicates that the travellers should move
on to the southwest to a town called Te Anau. But first, the historic gold mining town of
Arrowtown requests a visit. Many Chinese prospectors sought their fortune here in the late
19th century and much of this history can be learnt in the famous Lakes District Museum, the
smallest museum in New Zealand. Hordes of sheep populate the vast grassy plains along the
route and now it finally becomes clear where the predominant population of New Zealand
resides. A stop at a local farm provides a
financial boost for local farmers by the
purchase of necessary yoghurt and fruit
produce, which bring the energy needed
for the Kepler Track. Back on the bus,
Jikke shows her dark side as she grabs
Paul’s photo camera battery charger and
destroys it. Fortunately for both parties,
this horrific moment takes place in the
wondrous dream world of one of them, so
the only loss is of mental nature. Due to
the lack of time, there is not much time
left for lunch, but thanks to the proximity
of a Subway, Geoff is ordered to transport the whole lot over there. Obviously, a long queue
is soon established, because almost everyone of the 18 travellers is planning to buy a
sandwich. Paul is long in doubt whether or not he is hungry. He therefore decides to stand at
the back of the queue to have some time to figure out if he is really hungry or not. A few
minutes later, the decision has been made, he is not very hungry, so simply a bag of chips will
do. Not much later, everyone is ready to rock and roll with their rolls and shakes to have a sit
down on the bus that will depart to the Kepler Track. In the bus, Femke shows to have serious
difficulties with sipping her Subwayan milkshake. Fortunately, Paul offers a helping hand by
imbibing the rest of the shake and simultaneously realises that his decision not to be hungry at
Subway, was the correct one.
The Kepler Track is one of the nine Great Walks of New Zealand and extends over a total
length of 60 kilometres through a forest landscape. The tour group is satisfied with the part
from Rainbow Reach to Control Gates (9.5 kilometres). Paul takes, as is already written in the
stars, the lead. For the amusement of his pursuers, he decides, following the idea of an
Englishman who was found one week earlier in the woods, to leave a message in the form of
47
http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/tracks-and-walks/fiordland/fiordland/kepler-track/ 48
http://www.fiordlandhotel.co.nz/
44
twigs. It all goes well the first three times, right up to the moment when the leader is suddenly
startled by Anne, who seems to have been walking at a shorter distance than expected. Paul
continues the way forward in the company of Danielle, Esther and Anne. After a good half an
hour, the sun decides to raise its head, to which Paul responds by putting on his
sunglasses. But fate seems to have struck, because the sunglasses have suddenly
disappeared. Dark clouds gather above his head. Paul decides
to return to the suspected crime scene, where he was cruelly
disturbed by Anne. At the speed of cyclone Wilma, he rushes
back along the way there, resulting in the unsuspecting
oncoming travel friends becoming afraid to be lapped. About
15 minutes later, he reaches the crime scene, but the advanced Italian manufactured design
sunglasses (Rudy Project RB3 with ImpactX Pure Grey Tactical lenses) are nowhere to be
seen. The alleged offender - a brown, blind, timid night bird – has flown.
Because most of the group is about to go on a glow worm expedition after the Kepler Track, a
metaphoric knife is grabbed to carefully cut the group in half. Fifteen out of nineteen take the
bus back to Te Anau, and Evelyn, Esther, Anne and Paul decide to walk along Te Anau Lake
to get to Te Anau. During the hike, Anne tells about her quest for a restaurant hidden deep in
the ghettos of North Berlin, where, after a hellish tour past hooded drug dealing hoodlums
with lots of throwing knives flying by, she finally gets rewarded with the horn of plenty. Paul
is intrigued by this amazing story and stores it in his memory as he may incorporate it later
into some sort of travelogue.
Friday, February 18: Milford Sound49, Routeburn Track50 Closing off the busy work week entails an
early rise to be able to awe at the awful
beauty of sunrise. Next stop: Milford
Sound. Similar to many other places in New
Zealand, Milford Sound is labeled as one of
the most beautiful areas of the world. And
indeed, it verily is yet again really quite
beautiful. Maybe due to the overcast sky one
cannot really say: "gawd blimey, how can
something be this extraordinarily
beautiful?" But it is still so beautiful to make
one say: "Wow, that's really uncontrollably nice." But before the boat can be boarded to start
enjoying the beauty that lies before them, Mr. Penguin feels like stepping into the limelight by
posing as a lost gypsy hiding under the bus. Geoff is kind enough to point him the right way,
so its nose can be put into the right direction.
49
http://www.realjourneys.co.nz/Main/MilfordSound/ 50
http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/tracks-and-walks/fiordland/fiordland/routeburn-track/
45
Once again, this beautiful location is recorded on camera, after which everyone returns to Te
Anau. Again, the route leads through the Homer Tunnel. Building this one way tunnel took 18
years (1935-1953) and connects Hollyford Valley with
Cleddau Valley. This route - the only road into Milford
Sound - takes the travel companions to a part of the
famous Routeburn Track. More precisely, from The
Divide to Key Summit. This section starts downhill
and leads up through silver beech forest where over
time the forest landscape transforms into barren rocks
and bushes. After 45 minutes, Paul reaches the top as
leader of the pack, closely followed by Evelyn, Walter,
Tacha, Esther, Anne, Pete, John and Hank. The very
lovely Marian Lakes can be very unclearly seen in the
distance, after which the literal high point of the trip is
reached, meaning the time has come to descend into
the deep depths of the mountain. Paul once again takes
his followers by the metaphorical hand to safely lead
the way. Soon Paul, accompanied by John, walks into
Jikke and Sietske. The ladies are very busy in perpetuating their eternal beauty in curious
poses. Once finished, the ladies try to persuade Paul to wait for them, but the waiting process
takes too long, so they are left to their own devices with possibly fatal consequences as a
result. Paul and John briskly walk down the mountain path. After the clock has moved 15
minutes forward, Paul takes the decision to end the last kilometre running. This way, there is
still a good chance of finishing in a solid time, which is of paramount importance for the
position in the overall standings. Eventually, Paul finishes in first place in a time of 1 hour
and 37 minutes.
Evelyn has put a visit to Fiordland Cinema51
on the evening menu, followed by a delicious
dinner at The Ranch Bar and Grill. The half-hour film shows the beauty of the Fiordland
National Park, during which a few people - of whose Femke's name will not be mentioned -
spontaneously fall asleep from all this beauty. High time to fill the empty stomachs with a
hearty meal and a bottle of wine and/or beer. The ladies are carefully inspected by the local
meat inspector during dinner, after which it is
time to relax. The pool table is screaming to be
engaged upon. Sietske grabs his balls and after a
short search also his rack and puts the goods on
the table. In the meanwhile, Claske has put her
fingers around his stick, so she is all ready to sink
his balls into the pockets. Two teams are
established to fight to the death. Team 1 consists
of Claske and Sietske, Team 2 consists of Evelyn
and Paul. As always, dumb people have all the
51
http://www.fiordlandcinema.co.nz/
46
luck, because Team 1 has created a hefty lead in no time. Evelyn and Paul have some
problems getting their act together, which leads Paul to blow off some steam by releasing a
few expletives. The statements are not to be trifled with and certainly not worth
repeating. Team 2's competitive attitude ensures that both teams are eventually tied, causing
the pressure to rise. Both Team 1 and Team 2 are having difficulties in sinking the 8 ball
(black) in the right pocket. But some shrewd tactical interventions by Team 2 puts Team 1 in
a perilous situation, which leads Claske to sink the 8 ball into the wrong pocket. In the
euphoria of victory, Paul forgets to bring along his recently acquired Ata Whenua -
Shadowland DVD to the Fiordland Hotel, but luckily for him the responsible Walter picks it
up for him.
Saturday, February 19: Kaka Point: Twilight Tour, The Point Café and
Bar: Nugget View & Kaka Point Motel52 The weekend is all about beach, sea and coast. But first, goodbyes have to said to the
charming town of Te Anau. After all ceremonies have been performed, the bus with human
content leaves in a south-easterly direction over the Presidential
Highway, with final destination Kaka Point, the Catlins. In this
extremely democratic part of the South Island lunch will take place in
Gore. There, the young lads are ordered to perform a typical men's
job, namely, grocery shopping. Walter gets in charge of Saturday
dinner inside the New World supermarket, while Paul takes care of
the barbecue ingredients. Evelyn has made personal shopping lists to the letter to let the
purchasing process run smoothly. A bit of female intervention is occasionally still required,
because although kumara sounds a lot like a chimera, it is just not quite the same. Where Paul
is already preparing for an epic battle with the three-headed creature in the supermarket aisle,
Evelyn intervenes just in time to announce that the kumara is in fact a distant cousin of the
potato and not a fire-breathing monster. The cudgels do not need to be taken up, because
brave Paul dares to grab some slightly reluctant
behaving sweet potatoes by their throats and
throws them mercilessly into the chariot with
the other catches. Within hours, the booty is
seized and the total financial loss is not so bad,
400 measly Kiwi dollars for two evening meals
for 20 folks. But due to the absence of
alcoholic liquids, an additional stop must still
be made at Liquorland that is part of Mataura
Licensing Trust53
. Time is also made available
for a toilet stop at the adjacent Traffers bar54
.
52
http://www.catlins.co.nz/ 53
http://maps.google.nl/maps?hl=nl&gl=nl&q=Mataura+Licensing+Trust+25+Traford+Street,+Gore+9710,+Nieuw-Zeeland&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wl
47
After the former president's town Clinton has
been visited, the final destination is reached
around five o'clock. Kaka Point is named after the
native Kaka, an onomatopoeic name for a parrot,
which surprisingly often uses the cry 'ka-aa'. It
appears to be a typical coastal village with 150
permanent residents and a main street with
numerous facilities, including a playground, a
restaurant/pub and a surf club, in short, almost too
much to mention.
The men's cottage is renamed Chez les Hommes and transformed in such a way that a magical
atmosphere is created, perfect for enjoying a nice dinner. Because some stereotypes have been
working well for thousands of years, it is unanimously decided that the women will have the
honour of preparing dinner, while the men take on the difficult task of devouring
everything. Paul performs this task with
full conviction by laying stretched on the
couch, while enjoying a Steinlager
Pure. This division of labour works
amazingly well, so no need to utter cross
words by anyone. Sietske and Jikke have
learnt a new word after watching a
children's show on tv. The word in
question is 'giddy'. The question is raised
what may be the meaning of this peculiar word. Dizzy seems the most obvious meaning as the
children were running in circles like mad men. But the line that was uttered by Alison Doody
in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 'He was as giddy as a schoolboy'55
, makes them
question this meaning.
After dinner, the highlight of the day occurs
during the Twilight Tour. Due to the group
size, the party is split into two camps. Camp 1
will first visit the yellow-eyed penguin colony
and Camp 2 simultaneously will visit the sea
lion colony, after which it will be vice
versed. On the beach six hoihos (Māori for
'noise shouter') are quickly spotted, but after
having made the necessary pictures, some of
the spotters have seen enough. Tacha and
Walter try to see who is the best in pushing the
other into the ravine and Paul makes use of his
binoculars to count the number of screws of the penguin observatory. A total of 168 screws
54
http://www.mltgore.co.nz/Traffers.html 55
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097576/quotes?qt=qt0357961
48
for such a small building guarantees a stable and secure accommodation. Karen proudly
shares having shot 140 pictures of the cute little creatures, to which Paul replies that it is
almost as much as the number of screws in the walls of the observatory. Coincidence or not?
Due to the prolonged observation of hoihos, twilight is already setting when Camp 1 still has
to withdraw to start adoring the sea lions. However, the sea lions are sneaky animals and have
spontaneously decided to take on the colour of the rocks, so it is a hefty achievement to locate
them. It seems an impossible task, and after the stars have made their appearance half an hour
later, the hope of catching a
glimpse of the sea lions is
gone forever. After the
nature experience the groups
are dropped off at Pam &
Colin Paterson's The Point
Café and Bar56
to end the
day in style. The natives
have also rigged out to
welcome the exotic
strangers. The dance floor is
made unsafe for quite some
time, but then some people
feel the time has come to
ring the farewell bell. Among others, Sietske, Jikke, Hank, John and Pete leave the property,
so an exclusive group comprising Tacha, Walter, Paul, Karen and Esther remains. Local pub
regular Warren is thrown out onto the terrace on the spot to cool off after wetting the
floor. Paul decides to have a chat with the Australian and also makes his way out. Outside, the
Queenslander tells him that despite his infidelity in the Supreme Being his house is still
standing where it is supposed to stand and has not been bothered by the severe flooding that
Cyclone Yasi caused. A few minutes later, his friend walks out the door to make his
appearance on the terrace, and that turns out to be the queue to say goodbye. At this nightly
hour in the idyllic Kaka Point, the roads of the Pacific Islanders and the European
diverge. Subsequently, Paul steps unsuspectingly back into the pub, where panic has struck,
because of the disappearance of the latter. Walter has moved trembling with fear towards the
toilets to search for the missing person who may have suddenly become unwell. Despite the
limited size of the toilets, Walter remains absent for quite some time. Moments later, the
company is reunited without any complications, so everyone can enjoy delicious snacks; juicy
chicken legs and pieces of bread. A daring combination, but nonetheless very tasty.
56
http://maps.google.nl/maps?hl=nl&q=58+Esplanade,+Kaka+Point,+Catlins&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&biw=1280&bih=933&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wl
49
Sunday, February 20: Cathedral Caves, McLean Falls, Curio Bay, BBQ Today will be a day of intense
relaxation. God's wise decision of taking a rest
day is bluntly ignored, instead a full
programme is awaiting the travellers. But first,
the tide dependent Cathedral Caves must be
visited, because it is only possible to visit
them at low tide. The visit provides some
surreal images that due to the many rays of
light make it appear as if Archangel Gabriel
has personally made some of his angels
descend down to earth. The extraterrestrial-
looking seaweed creates a extra-terrestrial picture that would not be unbecoming in an art
collection of magical realism.
After the pious caves, the time has come to capture the most photographed waterfall in New
Zealand on film, namely, McLean Falls. Everything is going according to plan until Paul
decides to measure the temperature of the
water of the waterfall. Being already warned
of the slipperiness of the rocks, he moves on
very prudently to the nearest place where the
water is clattering down. But before he can
complete his ingenious quest, he suddenly
feels the ground disappearing beneath his
feet. Thanks to his cat-like reflexes, he can
barely avoid being washed away together
with the cascading water. Fortunately,
Sietske and Jikke can leave their nurse outfit
in their bags, because the damage is not
much more than just a wet shoe.
The lunch stop follows straight after this fourth near-death experience, an opportunity to
recover from the excitement. Lunch sure takes some doing, as the regular lunch maker is
conspicuous by his absence. The sandwiches are therefore not available in sufficient numbers
to fill everyone's empty stomach. As a result, some people need to sacrifice themselves to
choose between a carrot cake or a shepherd's pie. Because Paul has much goodness inside of
him, he sacrifices himself, risking life and limbs to eat a
shepherd's pie as well as a carrot cake. The carrot cake tastes
much better than expected, as it not appears to be a cake with
an entire carrot inside of it. It is a heavenly piece of cake that
spontaneously makes one's taste buds bring tears to one's
eyes. Femke has now bought a laughing out loud can of soda,
but the taste does not make her laugh as much as the name
would make one believe.
50
The sightseeing tour continues with a visit to Curio Bay, which has become well known for its
fossilised forest. Also, a lone spotted yellow-eyed penguin is spotted. The penguin nicely
poses for the eager nature paparazzi. After Porpoise Bay, the bus is again entered to transport
the entire group all the way to Surat Bay. Here starts the long walk along Surat Bay beach to
Cannibal Bay where many impressive-looking sea lions are on guard. The slower ones have to
fight tooth and nail against the sea lions but still make it fully alive to the end of the beach,
after which a hellish bus trip back to Nugget View & Kaka Point Motel follows. The driver is
annoyed by the fact that the walk took too long and is therefore seriously questioning the
meaning of life. Fortunately, Evelyn sees the danger in time and narrowly succeeds in
preventing the driver driving into the ravine with all of his passengers, which undoubtedly
would have resulted in an early end to life or even worse, the holiday.
When night falls, the company is getting ready for the long-awaited BBQ. The weather shows
its wet side, but in no way does that spoil the fun. Because after Ineke, Sietske and Jikke have
perfected themselves in the penguin dance, everyone gathers around the BBQ, where the BBQ
kings Pete, Hank, Geoff and Paul are treating the meat with compassion. The salmon is hard
to tame. Mostly due to the lack of light, the doneness of the fish is a bit off the beaten track.
Nevertheless, it is a successful evening where many an anecdote is thrown across the table.
In closing, Karen, Esther, Sietske, Femke and Paul decide to bring one last visit to The Point
Café, but on arrival it appears that the only public place of Kaka Point has closed its
doors. Nothing else remains than to just mosey on down the steep street to Nugget View &
51
Kaka Point Motel. Karen and Esther no longer have the energy left in their bodies to subdue
the mighty hill, and to avoid the top becoming an unrealistic checkpoint, Paul gives both two
ladies literally a helping hand. This ensures that everyone gets to the finish line unscathed and
after having drinking part of the night away at Chez Les Hommes, the eventful day is brought
to a close.
Monday, February 21: Dunedin: Baldwin Street, Alibi Restaurant:
Leviathan Heritage Hotel57
It is a late rise today, because Dunedin is only 100 kilometres away. This allows the bus to
already pass Dunedin's city limits in the morning. The first stop is also the most impressive
one of the day. Baldwin Street, the steepest street in the world, with a maximum gradient of a
staggering 35%, for every 2.86 metres travelled horizontally, the elevation rises by 1
metre. Pete believes it is fun to go racing up the street, which causes Jikke and Walter to start
chasing the old geezer. Due to the fact that Evelyn and Paul were the last ones off the bus,
they have to make up a hefty backlog. Both are thus forced to set a fast pace right from the
start. After a quarter of the race, the walkers have already been overtaken and halfway along
the route Pete also bites the dust. Only Jikke and Walter are able to hold on to their tight
lead. Moments later, Evelyn also cannot hold the 'wheel', so Paul is all on his own in closing
the gap. Jikke turns out to be a great prey, and after a few metres she is dropped. Walter is
also slowly but steadily losing ground. Unfortunately, the last 100 metres are the steepest and
most treacherous part of the trail. Walter feels Paul's hot breath and moaning in his back and
tries with all his might to put one foot in
front of the other. Paul also has difficulty
in completing the last metres as homo
erectus. And so the de-evolution from
homo sapiens back to homo habilis
becomes visible in a few minutes
time. With their tongue hanging on the
street, the two are dragging themselves
dead tired to the summit finish line in order
to recover from their efforts. About ten
minutes later, everyone has crossed the
finish line, which means the jaffas contest
can start. The tradition goes like this: rolling so called jaffas (candy consisting of a soft
chocolate centre with a hard covering) down the slanting street. Attempts to start a tradition
rolling the jaffas upwards, failed miserably because of the notorious presence of gravity. The
person who rolls the jaffa furthest wins. Those who do not roll the farthest, do not win, better
known as the concept of losing. During four sessions, in which three people simultaneously
roll their candy downhill, it is determined who is the best jaffa-roller in this exclusive travel
company. Danielle is the glorious winner and therefore may rest on her laurels for all eternity.
57
http://www.dunedinhotel.co.nz/
52
Afterwards, there is the possibility of having a drink in the Baldwin Street Tourist
Shop. Others use the opportunity to have a nurse insert an IV catheter into their veins, in order
to keep the Grim Reaper at a respectable distance. Three minutes later, everyone has caught
their breaths, so they can inspect the rest of this fascinating city.
Check-in at the old Leviathan Heritage Hotel takes place around noon. One group sets off to
observe the yellow-eyed penguins and albatrosses at Taiaroa Head. The ones who remain
have the rest of the day off to do as they please. Paul and Hank immediately make their way
to the city centre to get to know the city better. The train station, St. Paul's Cathedral, the
Octagon and Knox Church are some of the sights that can be given a checkmark.
Back at the hotel, Hank starts to update his blog in the Leviathan lounge. Paul has the same
plan, but on his way to the lounge his attention is pleasantly drawn to Sietske and Jikke's
room. This room seems to have some kind of magical attraction, because one hour later it is
populated by numerous visitors. Among those present are Sietske, Jikke and Paul, Claske,
followed by Walter and Hank. They spent a few hours in the small room where everyone's
innermost feelings are put on the table. After everyone's youth is analysed to the very depths
of their souls by the amateur psychologists, it is time to jointly make the city sparkle. Jikke
and Sietske regard the First Church as being the ideal location for their wedding and have
themselves be immortalised to be able to go through life as Mrs. Sietske Frickel-Dijkstra and
Mrs. Jikke Dijkstra-Frickel. The spontaneous marriage is channelled through the prospective
reverend Claske Bacon, with official witness Mountain Hank, after which the marriage is
blessed by His Holiness St. Paul. Unfortunately, Paul's cathedral has already closed at this late
hour, so the festive church party will have to be postponed until further notice.
After the church ceremony, the five visit
the indoor Meridian Mall to satisfy the
female shopping urge. Jikke tries on a
pair of bright blue boots and although the
seller furiously drops his price to low
levels, Jikke is not persuaded to purchase
them. Because the gentlemen cannot be
persuaded to renew their wardrobe, the
shopping trip abruptly ends and
continues seamlessly into recess for
Claske and Sietske. The two young
ladies pounce on a small car, which
Sietske even upgrades to an airplane.
53
The wedding dinner takes place in the rustic
Restaurant Alibi58
, where Gerry and Ellen
also pass by for a bite. John also shows his
face by pontifically strolling past the
window. After many hilarious
communication problems between Hank and
Jikke, the latter must find out whether he is
deaf or if he just has selective hearing. Hank
admits after a prolonged interrogation that
the truth lies somewhere in the middle. An
answer that pleases Jikke to a certain
degree.
Tuesday, February 22: Moeraki Boulders, Christchurch Earthquake:
Leviathan Heritage Hotel - All Seasons Christchurch Cashel Street59 The end of the trip is now in sight. Everything begins to run to an end and to everything the
predicate 'last' is added. The last long bus ride, the last accommodation, the last handout, the
last room grouping, etc. But nobody could have imagined that it will turn out to be completely
different.
Promptly at 8:00 am, the group checks out of the ancient Leviathan Hotel to travel to the final
resting place, Christchurch. The coastal road north leads past the famous Moeraki Boulders60
,
Of course, the party gets off to make
some aesthetically pleasing photos.
A small two hours later, noonish,
Temuka is reached, the last lunch stop
of the trip. The group splits up. One
group pulls into the local Subway,
another group discovers a famous
American fast food franchise and two
individually operating groups meet up
at The Jolly Potter61
. One group
consists of Pete, John and some others
who will remain anonymous, and the
other group consists of Femke, Paul
and Gerry. The menu offers a wide range of choices, ranging from soup and nachos to many
different types of sandwiches. Paul believes to have a craving for an Open Steak Sandwich,
consisting of a piece of meat served amidst a panini, added with onions, mustard, salad,
58
http://www.menumania.co.nz/restaurants/alibi 59
http://www.accorhotels.com/gb/hotel-8207-all-seasons-christchurch-cashel-street/index.shtml 60
http://www.moerakiboulders.com/ 61
http://www.jollypotter.co.nz/
54
mayonnaise and egg, and the unavoidable
fries. A whole mouthful and for Paul the task to
empty his plate before 1:00 pm, because that
will be the departure time of the
bus. Everything goes according to plan until
suddenly the table starts to lead a life of its
own. Rather than staying put, as 99.9% of all
tables around the world do, this particular table
ostentatiously starts shaking back and
forth. After the rest of the restaurant is also
beginning to make similar shaking movements,
the conclusion is drawn that an earthquake is happening. But Paul is not easily upset and
when ten seconds later the earth and the table have settled down, Paul quickly looks at his
watch to learn that he has only ten minutes left (12:50 pm) to nibble away his delicious
sandwich. Miraculously he manages to be ready just in time and so exactly at 1:00 pm they all
leave the half-collapsed restaurant.
Immediately bets are made on the severity of the earthquake. After listening to the news radio,
Evelyn seems to be closest with 6.5 on the Richter scale, as the official figure is 6.362
. A bit
later, the bus and its passengers are all shook up by an aftershock, but the bus' shock breakers
mitigate the quake to a significant
degree. The group still travels albeit
somewhat shocked on to Christchurch, 150
kilometres along the away. Two hours and
several breaking news updates later, the bus
approaches downtown Christchurch to
within 30 kilometres. Only at this moment
the severity of earthquake is perceived. The
whole centre is in ruins and because Hotel
All Seasons Christchurch Cashel Street is
also located in ground zero, they are
strongly advised to turn back. As a result, a
long retreat is set in, but it is still preferred over lying helplessly under the rubble in
Christchurch. It is decided to insert a cooling off period in Ashburton, where the travellers are
updated at Kelly's Cafe and Bar via a live TV coverage on the situation. This gives bus driver
Geoff - whose family lives in Christchurch - the ability to phone home. He hears that the
damage was confined to only some property damage. In the meanwhile, Evelyn has been in
conclave with Sawadee to announce that the latest head count is still 18, meaning everyone is
still pretty much alive and kicking. Having also been in contact with the New Zealand tour
operator The Green Spot63
, a quick announcement is made that accommodation is found at the
62
A total of 189 earthquakes occurred on 22/2/2011, four of which with a magnitude greater than 5 on the Richter scale. Click on the link below for an animation of all earthquakes that day: http://www.christchurchquakemap.co.nz/ 63
http://www.greenspot.co.nz/onsbedrijf.html
55
same hotel where was checked out a few hours earlier. This appears to have been a wise
move, because a few hours later is learnt that almost every hotel in a radius of 200 kilometres
from Christchurch is booked solid. In the evening, another group of tourists with a similar
itinerary were even told that the Leviathan Hotel had no more vacancies, so they would have
to find a warm spot under a bridge.
For dinner is stopped at the lovely town of Timaru, which offers two American gourmet
options, the clown or the general (McDonald's and KFC). Afterwards, the long travel day
continues. At 10:00 pm, the group finally returns to the place that was abandoned 14 hours
earlier. To recover from the adventurous day, Evelyn proposes to drink one, two, three, four,
five, six or seven drinks at Metro bar64
, where so called Green Man65
beer flows. Esther
experiences more exciting moments when the bouncer literally but especially figuratively
kicks her out, with the ridiculous
argument: 'you are drunk.' Five minutes
later, Billy the Bouncer feels she has
sobered up enough to return back to the
dance floor. For the hard core party
animals the long day ends at 3:00 am
when the lights are literally turned on
and figuratively go out. After having
also downed the last sips of liquor on
the terrace, Evelyn, Karen, Paul and
Femke continue their way back to the
hotel. At 3:30 am, they enter the
building. Paul decides to update his blog since the only hotel computer must be free in the
dead of night. This is indeed the case, so he can drive on the virtual highway in order to
inform the hinterland of his current status. At 4:15 am it is time to go to bed.
Wednesday, February 23: The Day After The Day Before At 10:00 am, a meeting is held to discuss the consequences of previous day's earthquake. Due
to the created mayhem in Christchurch and its surrounding areas, it is not possible for the
New Zealand tour operator The Green Spot to make definitive arrangements. Therefore,
Evelyn and the group agree not to go too far astray. After the meeting, a postcard is
distributed among the travellers to leave behind a personal message for Evelyn. Writing funny
quasi-serious stories is right up Paul's alley, who also gratefully accepts this challenge to
showcase his writing skills. Jikke and Esther are apparently surprised by the minuscule font
size of the story. Jikke even has difficulties in starting up a successful reading process, but
after several attempts she finally manages to read the story which immediately make her
recognise the sensitiveness of the story, that touches her very soul.
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Paul and Hank seize the day by entering St. Paul's Cathedral, which had been closed two days
earlier when they tried to gain access. Despite the cathedral's wonderful name, one cannot
avoid feeling somewhat disappointed by its interior. The newfangled atmosphere does not
really feel sacred, certainly one of the expected features in a house of God.
At the evening onset, Sietske, Jikke, Claske, Hank, Paul and Ineke feel like bringing a visit to
a sophisticated-looking restaurant. The ladies have their eyes on the stone grill restaurant The
Terrace66
, resulting in a quick
determination of tonight's place of
dinner. Lots of 400 °C (752 °F) hot
stones make their way to the dinner
table as means to prepare the meat. The
tasty main meal tastes as it should taste,
very tasty. For dessert, the young 'keys'
choose the crème brûlée, the
experienced 'key' a Chocolate Brownie,
Paul an Ice Cream Sundae, and Hank
opts for a traditional cappuccino. The
biscotti that accompanies the crème
brûlée turns out to be a bit difficult for
the ladies to nibble away. The consistency of the cookie provides a hard core and the taste
leaves much to be desired. The brownie, however, is of better quality, but has the
disadvantage that it has quite filling qualities and can therefore not be entirely devoured by
the lady in question. This means Paul is again forced to, after finishing his icy cold Sundae, to
also have a go at the remainders of the Brownie. Some minutes later, when the edible food has
entered the digestive systems, it is time to leave the restaurant.
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Thursday, February 24: University of Otago67, Baldwin Street,
Restaurant Etrusco In the meanwhile it is announced that the travel group will depart on Thursday night for
Christchurch International Airport (CHC). Because no damage is done to the airport, the
planned flight schedule shall be maintained. This implies, however, that still a 350 kilometre
long bus ride to Christchurch needs to be made to actually reach the airport. The new plan is
therefore to leave late Thursday or early Friday morning (1:00 am).
Dunedin is known as the University Capital
of New Zealand, which is why Hank and
Paul wish to admire the university from up
close. The University of Otago turns out to
consist of a mixture of buildings. Modern
buildings are among architectural
masterpieces, resulting in a melee of
different styles. Because the southern
location of the university, the new
university season has just started, so there
are many booths set up where new students
can register for exciting extracurricular activities.
Lunch provides Paul with an overdose of energy, which needs to be consumed in one way or
another. So he decides to walk in the direction of
the earlier visited Baldwin Street. First, the under-
construction Forsyth Barr Stadium68
is on the
schedule. Forsyth Barr Stadium will be the first
stadium in the world ever with a permanent roof
over a natural grass surface. After a short stop at
the stadium, the route continues along the cricket,
rugby and tennis fields to Brackens View
Lookout. From there it is only three kilometres to
Baldwin Street. Via Lovelock Avenue, Opoho
Loop Road and North Road, the steep street is again reached after about 45 minutes. This time
Paul decides to walk up to the summit to avoid a possible early death. Walking is much better
to digest than running, and this time it just a very steep road, not the route to Satan's
layer. From Baldwin Street it is a short five kilometre walk back to the hotel, so all in all a
quiet day of walking totalling 11.4 kilometres.
The last supper takes place in Restaurant Etrusco, where the latest stories are spread among
those present. The walking buffet includes bread, followed by pizzas and pastas. Many
hilarious moments pass over the table once again, with highlight Jikke's question to Pete
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http://www.otago.ac.nz/ 68
http://www.forsythbarrstadium.co.nz/construction/
58
about a priest who had said the church should always be left even before one note has been
sung, or something of that nature.
In the lounge of the hotel
Ivonne has the honour of giving
the farewell speech in close
harmony with the invisible
Esther. Short anecdotes about
all travel companions are
presented to the group, but the
focus lies particularly on travel
miss Evelyn. She is widely
praised for her organisational,
enthusing, and dream world
inhabiting skills. After the bag
of money is handed over, Pete
gets up on stage to give a tribute
to the other Frisian present. The poem in her native language makes Evelyn lose her
composure, because of which she needs to pull herself together.
Then the microphone is handed over to Ineke for a musical interlude. Following her musical
foray in Paihia, when it looked like Scully and Mulder were arriving on the tunes of her
harmonica to solve an X-file, she now has left her harmonica behind and diligently worked on
a song as a tribute to the highly professional and friendly tour leader. She even apologises for
not having enough time to manually copy the lyrics 18 times and she therefore can only hand
out six copies to everyone. After an ultra short reading session and lubrication of the throats,
the song is sung as pure as a nightingale. Evelyn gets emotional touched by this musical event
and needs to blink away a few tears.
Afterwards, Femke heads into the nightlife scene with her mothers to drink away the last
hours. Paul continues to dilly-dally in the lounge with Ivonne, Esther, Sietske and Jikke,
where the women try to convince Paul to head over to the Metro bar as well. After giving it
some thought, it is unanimously agreed by almost all participants that Paul shall indeed visit
the bar. Not much later in the bar, Femke, Ivonne and Karen are joined by Paul and
Evelyn. Around half past twelve, it is time to leave the pub forever and pick up the luggage in
the nearby hotel.
Friday, February 25: Christchurch International Airport - Kuala
Lumpur International Airport The long journey starts at exactly 1:03 am, because Paul realises on board the bus that his
carefully purchased lunch is still lying in the refrigerator of his hotel room. Three minutes
later, after a quick sprint up and down the two stairs, everyone is already all ready to go. The
bus sets itself in motion and Paul immediately realises that he has also left behind two bottles
59
of Steinlager Pure in the refrigerator door of his hotel room that he had bought in Gore. But he
decides not let the bus turn around and take the costly loss for granted.
Because it is night time, the sun is hiding from the public, making it virtually impossible to
read a book. Therefore the majority of the
company decides to go for a beauty sleep. At
3:45 am, the time is ripe for a toilet stop in
Oamaru, where Geoff stops the bus right in
front of the police station. The bus finally
arrives at the Christchurch Airport around
7:10 am, where the 17 Dutch people, one
Canadian and a Belgian step out of the bus
for the very last time. The time has come to
say goodbye to bus driver - 'yep yep yep' -
Geoff. Because of the many experiences that
they have been through together, some
people are having trouble to keep the waterworks inside the exocrine glands.
A little later, everyone is already queuing to check-in. After the Chinese have created the
necessary space, the group is ready for weighing the suitcases. Always an exciting
event. Everyone gets through the weigh-in unscathed. Paul's suitcase even gets a nice orange
label with the magic number 28 and the text: Bend your knees. An hour later, the actual
check-in counter is reached, which also means the farewell of the three stragglers. These are
the two still non-Frisian Jikke and Sietske, and the actual Frisian Evelyn. After a few vows
have been made to each other, the fellowship is about to part after a crazy 28 days together.
At Auckland International Airport (AKL),
the fellowship thins out even more. Danielle
prepares for an extended stay on the North
Island, while Annemiek and Femke prepare
for a week on Fiji. Again, a farewell ritual
takes place, resulting in a decimated group
consisting of only 13 individuals. It is also
necessary to recheck-in the luggage. For
Paul this certainly is an exciting time,
because the Titan Superlite 4 wheel Trolley
83 may not weigh more than 25 kg (55.1
lbs) to avoid any financial penalties. With
some hesitation in his legs, Paul puts the suitcase on the scale and looks without much
conviction at the counter. But then the most unbelievable thing happens. Out of nothing the
computer suddenly stops working, so the case cannot be weighed. The lovely check-in lady
consequently hands his passport over to her lovely check-in neighbour lady, who prints a label
and a boarding pass and entrusts it to her capable colleague, who in turn attaches the label to
the suitcase and gives the boarding pass to Paul. Supernatural forces seem to be giving Paul a
helping hand to leave New Zealand unharmed.
60
Half a day later, the remaining company
arrives at Kuala Lumpur International
Airport (KUL). About 4 hours will need to
be spent at the airport before Malaysia can
be left at midnight. Again, the group grows
smaller. John flies on to Bangkok, where
Esther in fact flies back in the direction from
where she came from to reach Singapore.
That leaves a depleted group of 11
individuals comprising Hank, Pete, Paul,
Walter, Tacha, Ivonne, Gerry, Ellen, Karen,
Ineke and Claske.
Saturday, February 26: Schiphol After travelling for 31 hours and skipping two nights of sleep, the group finally arrives at
Schiphol (AMS). In retrospect it must be stated that the Indian airspace had better be avoided,
because just like on the outward journey the plane almost shook apart out of pure misery.
Also, 24 hours of Malaysia Airlines food is too much for any sane person. When the retrieval
of the personal belongings at the baggage carousel is happening, it is also the moment for the
last of the Mohicans to say goodbye to each other. Pete is the first to set the farewell ritual in
motion, closely followed by Gerry, Ineke, Tacha, Walter, Ellen, Ivonne and Karen. A few
minutes later it is Claske's turn to say her goodbyes and says goodbye to Hank and Paul. Then
it is Hank's turn, leaving Paul all alone in anticipation of his well-known suitcase.
61
‘There is a time to come and a time to go, and the time to go has now come.’
"Looks top notch! Really made me laugh, some things were already a bit rusty and it is wonderful to be
reminded of them!"
"I've read your story with a broad grin on my face!" Unfortunately, I have to conclude that you've been trying to
hide your real death experience no 5. Maybe it's because your brains had entered into a clinical state?"
"WOW!!!"
"The memory of our special holiday on the transition to a new sailing season, actually evoked some emotion in
me." Thanks again for your (almost lifelike) story!
"Gee, what a book!"
"Everyone wants to read 'the book', they all really enjoy it! I have read it several times already :D"
"I am honoured to read it!"
"AWESOME. Beautiful use of the third person instead of 'I form' to, well, maintain a bit of distance on it all.
PS. this story has more footnotes than my thesis :D dagnabbit I say!"
"I'm truly speechless! What a great story ....AMAZING!"
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