Netflix Communication Workshop Nov 2015

Effective Communication

Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla November 2, 2015

Why are we doing this? (Part 1)

One Big Idea

INTENTNeeds

MotivesStories

Reality #1

BEHAVIORVerbal

Non-Verbal

Reality #2Common

IMPACTAssumptions

FeelingsResponsesReality #3

The Net

3 Realities (The “Net” Model)

Feelings & Emotions – Why??

Everyone feels them; we just pretend we

don’t.

Convey crucial information; absence of emotion leaves out

half the story.

Emotions indicate importance. Most

powerful motivator?

They are an early warning

system

Feelings & Emotions – Why??

Disclosure & Vulnerability

Self-Disclosure

Will I be less liked,

respected, influential

(leader-like)?

Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the

relationship?

Will others use this

information against me?

How will others

see/assess/ judge me?

“What in my ‘bubble’

should I share?”

Self-Disclosure

“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ BROWN

Authentic Leaders

“The single factor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection.”--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Barry

Authentic Leaders

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Team & Culture

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

What Makes an Effective Team?

1. Participation2. Collaboration3. Cooperation (Commitment)

Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ

“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

“I’m starting to feel defensive”

Inward (my emotions)

Outward(others’ emotions)

Emotional Awareness

Emotional Management

(“Regulation”)

“He seems to begetting agitated”

• Take a deep breath• “Could you give me a sec?”• Take a walk

“Are you ok?”

EQ (Individual)

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Inward (Our Team)

Outward(Other Teams)

Emotional Awareness

Emotional Regulation

EQ (Group)

High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group

Group norms determine group EQ

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Group EQ

Feedback & Influence

Working AgreementsJohari Window

OPEN/PUBLIC

PRIVATE UNKNOWN

I know I don’t know

You know

You don’t know

Reactions/Feedback

Disclosure

BLIND

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?

1. Personal Development2. Team Effectiveness3. Stronger Relationships

Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow

Photo: Robbie Grubbs

Can I give you some feedback?

Photo by State Farm [link]Social situations ≈ Physical threats

Threat Response

Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]

David RockWhat social situations triggera threat response?

StatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness

SCARF Model

So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?

INTENTNeeds

MotivesStories

Reality #1

BEHAVIORVerbal

Non-Verbal

Reality #2Common

IMPACTFeelings

ReactionsResponsesReality #3

The Net

The Net (again)

Feedback

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback

• Focus on specific, observable behaviorWhen you do [x]…

• Describe the impact of that behavior on youI feel [y]…

• Ask about the other person’s motives or intentions

Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

Stay on your side of the net!

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…

1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.

2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation.

3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with this presentation.

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback

When you do [x]…

I feel [y == emotion] that / like

And my story is [z].

Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

Photo by Ana Karenina [link]

1:1 Feedback

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback

• Look for “Grains of Truth”– Learning is better than being right– Goal is understanding, not winning

• Listen and ask clarifying questions• Acknowledge your feelings• Gift mentality

– Say “Thank you!”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback

• Give more!!!• Do not praise to buffer criticism

– Avoid “The Sandwich”• Do not praise to overcome resistance• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:

– Weak: “Joe, you’re killing it.”– Strong: “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been on time to almost

every meeting this week. I feel grateful for the extra effort.”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback

• Assume good intent; be curious• Use a soft start

– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:My intention is…When you do [x], I feel [y].

• Be aware of your own stress• Goal is joint problem solving

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback

• Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area

• Communication & Management– Too much/ little, choice of format, email etiquette, language choices,

communication style in front of others, transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions

• Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from this person, How do they impact

others? What do they model well? Anything you worry about? Arrival/departure times, attire, how they speak/listen/act?

Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net