MySassyGirl(chapter1-9)

8/6/2019 MySassyGirl(chapter1-9)

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NOTE (05-21-07): 9 out of 33 chapters translated.

MY SASSY GIRLKim Ho-Sik

Translated from original Korean version:http://blue.utb.edu/tyi/Korean/yubgi/yubgi01.htmhttp://community.livejournal.com/jeonjihyun/tag/internet-serial+%28korean%29

Translated by bumfromkorea:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0293715/board/flat/55549493

CHAPTER 1

I was drinking and hanging out with my friends in Shinrim district until 10 pm. Butthat day was also the day I had to go visit my aunt in Bupyung. I thought I shouldstop screwing around and left... I took the subway from Sanrim station and inShindorim I was waiting for a train that headed to Inchon.

So while I'm waiting, I noticed that there was a girl next to me, completely wasted.She wasn't exactly 'celebrity-pretty' but still unique and attractive. She was one ofthose girls who looked good in yellow t shirt and jeans. Looked like she was about24.. or 25...

Maybe it's because she's drunk, but her eyes were almost closed, unfocused, andsometimes gagged.

"[gagging noise]"

If she wasn't so hammered, she would be really cool.

Then the train came. It was late... so there weren't so many people inside the train.She and I took the same train... of course, since we didn't know each other, we wereon the opposite doors.

As soon as she got on the train, she leaned on a pole. But while a normal personleans against their backs, she was leaning against her stomach, and was wavingback and forth precariously.

Her drunken behavior was pretty cute, so I kept watching... In front of her (the chairright next to the pole) a bald man was sitting down... He was reading thenewspaper with an utmost concentration. Right on top of his head, she was goingback and forth!

No one around her was paying attention to her... I was only watching her too Butsuddenly, she acted strangely. She was shivering for a moment then,
http://blue.utb.edu/tyi/Korean/yubgi/yubgi01.htmhttp://blue.utb.edu/tyi/Korean/yubgi/yubgi01.htm


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[sound of throwing up]

Yes, it's true... Suddenly, she... on the bald guy's head.... While this was going on, Iwas the only one watching.

But when the sound of throwing up came around, everyone on the car turnedaround to look at her... then at the man... and everyone started to roll on the floorlaughing.

On top of his bald head were noodles coming down like hairs... a red noodle noless... must have been from the snail dish... then to the shoulder... to the stomach...the chunks and liquids and ...

That man... for 10 seconds he looked as if he didn't understand what had happened,then he wiped his head with the newspaper he was reading. He was so awestruckhe couldn't say anything... poor guy!...But... the real fiasco started from there.

After she threw up, she looked at me, eyes barely open, and before she fell downshe said..

"Sweetie... [throws up] sweetie... [throws up]"

When she called me sweetie... everyone on the car started looking at me.

"Wha... wait... Miss, who are you? What do you mean 'sweetie'?"

I tried to deny it... but it was too late... everyone was looking at me with a viciouslook.

^v^ (a woman next to me who was still laughing)

@.@ (a girl standing by the next door)

-.& (a man who just woke up)

O.O (a girl who just had her eyelids done... sunglasses at this hour?)

^___^(A student who looked like he was my age)

T.T (This is me...)

Some guy was trying to hit me with his newspaper... some woman tells me 'whatthe hell are you doing?' Yes... Suddenly, I became the boyfriend of the drunk girl.

The bald man stopped wiping himself off and called me...

"What do you think you're doing? Come here!!!"


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'He's going to kill me!' I was terrified... and slowly, approached him.

"Hurry up and take care of this mess. How can you just sit by while your girlfriend isdrunk like that? Are you out of your mind?""Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir.. T.T."

I didn't have any tissues... I don't even have any hankerchiefs... So I had to take myt-shirt off... my sister bought me that... and started to wipe his clothes.

When things were kinda back to the way it should be... my girlfriend (?) started toworry me. I looked and she was knocked out spread eagle.

I picked her up (actually, I dragged her by her feet)... and sat her down on a chaireveryone avoided me... damn it...

Next stop was Bupyung... I have to get off But what about this girl? I can't justleave her here... the people in the cart kept staring at me. I tried to wake her up,but she just won't budge.

So, without a choice, I carried her and went off at Bupyung... she looked pretty light,but when I got out of the station, I was covered in sweat.

What should I do?... I'm not a bad guy; I don't want to carry around a drunken girl...especially when she's a complete stranger...

My chance??? Yeah, I'm sure it's a chance... wait, you're telling me to just takeher?? Having no other options, I looked for a local motel.

"Ma'am, I need a room.""Oh dear... she's completely wasted.""Yes ma'am... can I have a room?... Oh, and do you have a medicine that wakes youup?"

So I went into a motel room with her...

She was very skilled... she threw up so much, but her clothes didn't have anythingon... so I didn't have to take anything off, I just dumped her off on the bed and... Ithought "Why the hell am I here?" Damn it...

I looked at the mirror and I was covered in sweat... I looked like a crazy person..

"Well, since I'm at a motel might as well take a shower."

I took a very long shower... a shower after sweating so much... it feels good. I cameout afterwards, but she was snoring already... she's impossible...

But I'm not that kind of person... so I just wrote a memo: "Miss, contact me later."and left my cell phone number.


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Do you think she called? If you're curious... I have so many memories with her (mostof them hurting me...) Yep... she's one brave girl... She called me next day...

CHAPTER 2If you think about it, shes very brave. Completely wasted, and taken to a motel bya stranger (nothing happened... read below)... would you read the memo left by thestranger and call him the next day? If so, send me an email... I know a friend.

So yes... as soon as she woke up, she read my memo and called me. They sayignorance is strength... she probably dont remember what happened last night.

Me: Hello?The Girl: Who the hell is this? (Like I said... brave... -_-;;)Me: What? Who is this?

The Girl: I called the number on the memo you left at the motel... Get over here.Get over here now!

So I went back to the motel... she was waiting outside. To be honest, I was a bitafraid to talk to her. She wont remember anything from last night.... and then shewould... You son of a b!tch! @$$hole! What did you do to me? Im calling the cops!

Me: Excuse me...The Girl: Its you? (You? Informal you. I cant believe this girl! (Note: Itsconsidered VERY rude to use informal format to strangers))Me: Yes, its me... b- but... why are you using informal-The Girl: Hey, Im hungry. Lets go get something to eat.

Me: Yes maam...

I had to say Yes maam... You had to be there T.T

We went to the nearest restaurant. Apparently, all that drinking did nothing to herstomach... I couldnt believe it... and when she was done, she looked at mine andsaid Hey, are you eating that or not? If youre not, give it here. Then, she took itfrom me, and started munching on it. Damn it, Im hungry too....

Then she told me to take care of the bill... $.$...

Then she took me to a coffee shop near the Bupyung station. She must live

somewhere around here... she knows the area well. She ordered two coffeeswithout asking me, then told me

Youre buying.

A thought crossed my mind. Is she? Shes really shameless. Maybe shes one ofthose con artists who takes money from guys who help her when she throws up onsome bald men....


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Then she started telling me about yesterday... sounded like a movie with chunksmissing. She didnt remember my face, but she remembered me helping her andher calling me sweetie. What the hell... shouldnt she be saying sorry to me then?

Then she asked me what happened. So I began to put the missing chunks in her

movie one by one. Suddenly, her eyes were saddened, then told me that she wasdumped yesterday... She said her goodbyes, drank until she were gone... then, shebegan to cry in front of me..

People in the coffee shops were looking at me... just like last night.

~.~ ~.~ (A couple next to us (get a room!))

@.@ (The waitress)

.? (Some guy next to us)

Whenever Im with this girl, people start looking at me... But she was reallyattractive when she was in her right mind (kind of...). Plus, she was crying, and Istarted feeling sorry for her.

We went outside the shop... then she told me...

Give me some money for taxi...

... So I gave her 10,000 won ($10)... Im a nice guy, right? Actually, I did it because Iwas really scared. Shes a lot more tougher than she looks. She said she would callme at night.

I lived in Seoul, so I came back. That evening... she was really calling me. And shetold me to go back to the coffee shop in Bupyung. She wanted to buy me dinner tosay thank you.

I met her at the coffee shop again. She changed what she was wearing and she puton some makeup... she was a whole new person. She was breathtaking.

Then we started to drink. I was a bit nervous... she might drink too much again...and just like last night-

She drank a half bottle of soju (roughly 4~5 shots) without stopping. Then, she wasunconscious. Again.

Only half a bottle? Then yesterday, she drank half a bottle? It was unbelievable. Iwasnt going to pay this time, so I looked into her wallet and took out the money forthe bill. On her ID, it said 760416-2****** (This means that her birth date is 04-16-1976). Im 75 (meaning that he was born in 1975). My friend are all 74, but sincemy birthday is early, Im treated like a 74. Shes younger than me, and shes usinginformals? Maybe I look younger than I am.


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Once again, shes on my back. Please dont throw up.... Then I went to the samemotel last night. The owner welcomed us... recognizing us...

Owner: Shes wasted again?Me: Yeah.... -_-;;Owner: Go ahead, Ill get you the wake-up pills

I guess loyal customers are indeed valuable, buying medicine and everything. I puther on the bed and looked at her carefully... also at the chest.. area... -_-;;. Shereally was pretty. I could hear my own heartbeats.

Something was wrong about her. She must have changed into... into this. I think thepain of breaking up had affected her greatly. She probably tried to deal with thatpain with alcohol. Shes not acting like a drinker. In any case, I felt sorry for her.

Tomorrow was Monday, which meant I had to go to school. But I gave it up, andslept in the corner... and thought Ill try to treat her pain...

You think were in a relationship now? I wouldnt call her my girlfriend... Like is toocasual, but Love is too heavy. But I dont want to be in love with this girl Imsure she feels the same way about me too...

But I have to help her deal with the pain shes going through.

Right now, its been three months. And yes, there were plenty of... dates. Its beenpretty horrible three months.... and of course, there are lots of stories to be told...

CHAPTER 3So... Heres a good news... I use informal format with her as well now... Afterconfirming that she was younger than me, then I told her.

Me: Hey! How old do you think I am?!... Maam? (And Im stuttering even when Imsaying this)Girl: You? I dont know... why is that important? (Her eyes are getting narrower)Me: Youre a 76! Im older than you! I oughta beat the crap out of you and teachyou some respect! (I wish I could have said that... but...)Me: I... I think youre a 76... and Im older... so I thought, maybe...

Girl: Oh, really? How old are you? Ok, then you use informal too

And thats how I got to use informal to her. Something wasnt quite right, but Idecided that at least I wasnt beaten in the process. We have a strange connection,dont we? Its been two nights and three days since weve met, and we spent thetwo nights in a motel.

She goes to S university. Im not that impressive myself... Im a college student. Shedoesnt have classes on Wednesdays, and I dont have classes on Thursdays.


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Few days later, she called me. She said she didnt have class that day, so shewanted to do something. I was at school... in lecture. I told her I was in class andthat I had lectures that afternoon, so I couldnt get out until 5. Then she told me shewas coming here. Its not like I could stop her.

After lunch, the lecture started at 2. At 2:30, the front door of the lecture hall burstopen, and everyone looked towards it. Usually, when students were late for classes,they use back doors. Quietly. Whoever this was, she was one brave student. Thenshe said out loud.

What kind of school is this? I cant find the damn classrooms!

You guessed it... Our tough... tough girl. As soon as I found out it was her, I turnedaround and pretend to be asleep. I hoped she didnt notice me. And then... I couldhear her footsteps. She was coming towards me...

How could she know it was me? She couldnt have seen me...

Whenever I got some money, I usually spend it on food and drinks with my friends,so I basically have one pair of sweatshirts and pants. And yes, I was wearing thesame clothes as I had whenever I met her.

I blame the world... I blame alcohol... I blame my friends... I just wanted to runaway... She sat right next to me.

It hadnt been that long since semester started, so though students recognized eachother, but the professor didnt recognize all of us. The professor probably thoughtshe was some brave student late for class.

Then the class continued. But people were talking left and right...Shes new, isnt she?Shes pretty hot!Our school has girls like that?Finally, a reason to go to this class.

Some guy with same major as mine whispered to me from the back.

Bro, the girl next to you is really cute. Lets work on her after class.

I thought to myself Moron... idiot... If she just forced me to leave the lecture, Id beknown throughout the school as... That guy. The 20 minutes till the break periodfelt so long.

Then the break came. In case she started talking to me, I got up quickly. Shefollowed, of course, and told me we should go somewhere else... What the hell...

Im not exactly a model student. This professor is famous for giving out Ds forabsence and F for an absence and tardiness.


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So I told her. In all honesty, I could not ditch this class. Just kill me instead.Surprisingly, she told me Ok. And sat back down.

After 10 minute break, the class continued. Two hours left... but she was nowhere tobe seen. Did she leave? Or is she just waiting for me?

Then the professor came in and said.

Gyunwoo. Ill count you as present, so go ahead...

Huh? Professor, why?

That girl was your girlfriend, right?

The lecture hall turned completely silent. Everyone was looking at me with envy.Haha... It felt kinda good. But... what did she say to the professor? How did sheconvince that intolerant professor to let me go? So I took my stuff and came out.She was waiting for me outside.

Hey, what did you told him? Hes not exactly understanding....

Yeah... she told me

I told him I had to go get an abortion, and that you were the father.

If someone else had to me this, I wouldnt have believed it. But... This girl... she wasdefinitely capable....

What kind of situation is this??? I was ruined! My campus life at this point had beenterminated. I didnt do anything to her...

Then I couldnt go to that class again. I just decided to take the F. The studentscomplained about letting me go, so the professor told them what she told him.

The girls in my major arent even talking to me. During the CAD class, Yungmi usedto help me with the blueprints all the time, but now she looks at me as if Im apervert.

Afterwards, any classes I took, people were talking and talking...

It had been only 2 months since I started college after military service... and Imalready left out.

Thats not all. This is nothing compared to what I had to go through so far.

Oh... I got a B in that class I couldnt go to any more. I didnt go to class at all... andonly took the final... The professor must have taken my situation intoconsideration. So people started hating me even more. That class... you had to workyour ass off to get a B. One in 120 gets an A in that class... A friend of mine told me


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that such things had never happened before or never will... He told me it was gonnabecome a campus legend...

CHAPTER 4

She always wants to meet me during the weekends or Wednesdays... EspeciallyWednesday... you know why, right? Yes... For the people who know why... Thankyou. You've read all the writings so far... ^^ I live for people like you.

She doesn't have classes Wednesdays... but I don't have any classes either. Like Iwrote from last chapter... She came to my class in a Wednesday and... made amess, so I don't go to lecture on Wednesdays. I can't, actually. (My tuition...T.T)

Once again, on Wednesday, I gave up going to school and was standing by in myhouse. She didn't call beforehand, but if she comes by and call me and tell me"come out in 10 minutes or I'll kill you!",... I have to get there in 10 minutes.

This one time, she called me, and told me...

"I'm at Shin-do-rim station, so get here in half an hour. I have a bottle of soju withme."

... ... ... ... T.T

I live in Shin Dang district. Even if they don't close down Dang San bridge, I can'tget there by subway in half an hour. So I took the cab... And... Yes. She really didhave a bottle of soju with her. If I didn't get there in time, she probably would havedrank it all by herself.... scary...

Anyway, she called me that day as well. She told me to go to Jam-Shil station'sfountain. And... Without an exception...

"You have half an hour."

This is where my war begins... But today, she was pretty generous with time limit.Maybe she had a good day. 30 minutes... I can take the subway as long as I run likehell...

She wants to go to Lotte World... (A part indoor, part outdoor amusement park inSeoul)

She paid the entrance fee... she even bought the day-pass... I bought lunch... justhamburgers...

Usually, girls turn really cute in amusement parks... When you ask them to ridesomething scary... they pretend to be scared... and screams, and all that stuff.Right?


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I thought... she would be the same... but she rode the gyro drop three times in arow (This is the Gyro Drop: http://youtube.com/watch?v=9ynIwWnro8g)

Afterwards, we went to Sukchon Lake. It was getting dark, and what with thestreetlights, the mood was just right... Apparently, in the old days, the place wascrawling with gangsters... but now, the place was filled with couples sitting on

benches we sat down too.

There wasn't much to do... so we just... sat there. Out of nowhere, she wanted todrink beers. I do NOT want to drink anything with this girl. But just a can of beer?...Whatever, it's just soft drink. We bought two cans and a saewookang (shrimpcrackers).

By the time we finished, she called out a passerby...

"Hey! Why are you wearing red shirt? Who said you can wear red shirt?!""What the hell... Who the hell are you? Crazy..."

The stranger looked at her as if she was crazy. I ran away... And hid behind a bench.

I guess she got tired of picking fights... with strangers... She looked at the lake andshe said it was so pretty. She wanted to take a closer look. So we went through thebushes and went closer.

In her eyes, there were streetlights... lakes... she didn't say anything. She'sprobably thinking of her ex again. Already, she started to cry. I felt so bad for her...

Though she was tough on the outside, she was so fragile inside.

She suddenly said to herself... "That lake is so pretty... I wish I could go inside..." Ibecame a bit tense. I thought she might jump into the lake. I stood by her side...then...

Then, I found myself drowning in the lake... T.T.

I tried to get out, but... I can't swim...

People by the lake gathered around... but no one tried to get me out. Even she musthave been surprised... No one knew what to do.

No, you guessed right. She wanted to see how deep the lake was, so she pushed meinto the lake... 'Why don't you just stab me with a knife to see how sharp it is?'

Sukchon lake is deeper than you think. The land is in front of me, but I can't standon the bottom of the lake. No one tried to help me... so I eventually crawled out.

I could hear the siren by then. Someone must have called 112 (emergency numberfor Korean police)

We rode the police cruiser bravely... and went to a local station. We had to hear twohours of lecture from an officer. She was nodding all along.


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I asked later...

Me: Hey, what if I died then? Why did you push me?"The Girl": Men are all bastards...

I couldn't say anything... I couldn't be angry at her either. I was just sad. I really feltfor her... When can she recover from all that?

Next day, a daily newspaper had a small headline...

"After Being Dumped By Girlfriend, a Local Man Attempts Suicide."

CHAPTER 5

I was very weary of her "toughness" and her ability to make trouble just about

anywhere. By then, I was pretty much on alert for any 'sudden situations'. In caseshe drinks by herself and is helpless... or in case she makes trouble after she'sdrunk... I wrote my phone number on a card and put it in her wallet.

*If I'm completely out of my mind, please call the number below. Cell Phone #: 016-225-*****

It's just like that lost and found tag you get for your dog. I know... there wasn't anyother way.

You know how people can't always be happy? That there's a day when everythinggoes wrong? That day, I was very depressed because of a friendship gone rather

awry. And what's a better medicine for sadness than alcohol? I drank quiteexcessively that night.

I can only handle a bottle and a half of soju (Note: This is quite a lot for U.S.standard... Soju is 20~25% alcohol) But I don't act up when I'm drunk. I just sleep...quietly. I drank two bottles that day, and I had to head home only semi-consciously.

When I arrived at the Subway station, I suddenly wanted to see her (whose outwardlooks, at least, was appealing). I took the lane heading to Inchon... and fell asleep

Someone woke me up then.

"Listen, young man. You have to get off here. This is Jemoolpo station." (Note:Jemoolpo station is in front of University of Inchon)

I was still drunk at this time. Just because I slept a little doesn't mean all the alcoholdrank already would be gone. Someone dragged me off the subway and had me liedown on a bench. (Still, the world really is a nice place to live in. I was a completestranger, and that guy had the heart to take care of me)


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I looked around, trying to figure out where I was... It really was Jemoolpo station.And then I called her...

"Hey!... I... It's me... *gags* *burps* I'm at... uh... Jemoolpo Station. You gotta comehere... and get meeee... in 30 minutes."

She lives in Bupyung. If you think about it, 30 minutes is pretty generous. I wasalways pressured by her time limit... and I guess I was unconsciously planning for arevenge. -_-;; Then I fell asleep... at least, I don't remember anything after that.

When I woke up... I was in jail. -_-;;

My stomach was not feeling good at all... I had a blinding headache, and had apainful thirst as well. A cop got me a cup of water...

"Sir.. Why am I in here? Let me out...""No, you gotta wait for the call from the DA (District Attorney)"

District Attorney? I must have attacked a woman or something last night while I wasdrink... My life was over... I tried to remember what happened, but all I remember iscalling her.

Half an hour later... my beautiful and tough girl game in... I realized she hadn'tcome last night. But then, she told me that her uncle was the district attorney, andhe lived in Jemoolpo. She was worried because I did something very out ofcharacter, and called her uncle in the middle of the night, then her uncle... saw mesleeping under the station bench, barefeet... and using a soda can as a pillow.

Apparently, there were some coins thrown in front of me... well, thank you.

Then her uncle had taken me to the nearest police station. I understand thesituation and that her uncle was a DA, but still... letting me sleep in a jail? And I washis niece's friend... and of course, she agreed to put me in jail.

Remember how I put a card in her wallet?

Well, she put one in mine...

*Hello. I'm a mental patient. Sometimes, I'm completely out of my mind, so if yousee me acting crazy, please call this number: 011-316-**** *

And this is how we have each other's address and phone numbers (and askingpeople to call this number in... certain situations) in our wallets. It's pretty cool...-_-;; Later when I get a job at an office, I'm going to xerox it.

That day, she beat the living hell out of me... and told me that if I do something likethis again, she'll kill me. 'You're worse than me...'


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CHAPTER 6

NOTE: This chapter is not really part of the story. Remember that the author is, atthe point of writing this, posting it on a website for people to read. So he took achapter to clarify some things.

Hello, this is Gyunwoo 74.

Hahyung is suffering because of me... Everyone got a picture of Hahyung, right?She has nothing to do with her...

Also... a lot of emails and memos ask the same questions.

Are you cheating on the girl with Hahyung?What is the girl's cell number?Is this a true story?

Everyone told me to answer on the next chapter, but if I wrote the answers beforethe story, it doesn't look good. (It's already too long.. -_-;;) I'll just leave the answersto everyone's imagination...

Oh, and she finally found out about this whole internet story deal. I really hate herfriend...

If something happens to me, I'll reveal her friend's ID (Screenname. Also, he's notacting that pissed off either. There are nuances in the sentences that cannot betranslated)

I'll probably going to be summoned by her again... What excuse would I use? No,

how can I beg her not to kill me? I don't want to die...

And yes... she calls me...

"Come to Bupyung ?? Cafe in one hour."

She's very pissed off. From Seoul Shindang district to Bupyung station... there's noway subway can get there in one hour... Taxi? Yeah, but only express taxis, and it'sgonna cost about 50,000 won ($50). And I'm a really poor guy...

I got there in hour and half.

I thought all my fingers were going to break... I wanted to keep the middle ones...\_/

From here, I'm going to write this the way she want me to... If the visited counter islower than before, I'm going to be killed along with my fingers...

I apologize sincerely once again...


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Now, chapter six... she's... very pretty?

=========================================================================She's pretty... She looks very similar to Shim Eun Ha(Photo reference: http://www.jayang.hs.kr/upfiles/%EC%8B%AC%EC%9D%80%ED

%95%98-good.jpg)

(Once again, I'm writing the way she wanted me to... I told her we should just post apicture of us... then she beat the crap out of me...)

Her life is very similar to the ones played by Kim Hyun Joo in a Drama

(Remember that cheesy soap opera playing on Sunday mornings?... Is it still on?)

She's very smart too... She receives scholarship awards...

(I have nothing to say... no, I don't know what to say to this...)

She's a senior in college right now... If there's a good position open, she wants youto know that she's very qualified.

(She thinks internet can do everything... wherever she gets a job at, maleemployees are gonna suffer...)

Remember how she told me that she was dumped and that's why she drank somuch in the beginning? She wants me to edit it so that she dumped him...

(Too much TV, if you ask me.)

She's very busy because she's writing her graduation thesis, and she's an economicadministration major. She wants to know if there's any thesis paper out there thatshe can copy...

(I have no idea what this girl is thinking)

Her friend who told her about this... you're gonna print this out and show it to heragain, right? Please, please edit out the sentences in parentheses. Please? I'll buydinner...

I apologize once again... I don't want to do this either, but ... I have to survive.

CHAPTER 7

On her ID, her birthday is April 16th. I don't know why... but on the calendar, it's inJune... (Note: Most likely, this is caused by the discrepancy between lunar calendarand Gregorian calendar (which is widely used throughout the world))


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So, this was it. I immediately called my friends who were still working there.Apparently, they still couldn't find a better job...

In the middle of the night, she and I are the only ones at the amusement park... As Istretch my two arms to the sky, the carousel turns on with fireworks! Now that'swhat I'd call a movie scene!

I tried to convince them... but they refused saying that they'll get fired andthere'll be security in the place anyhow... but I couldn't give up.

Me: What if I got the security guys something to drink and smoke?Friends: I don't know... would that work with just couple of bucks?Me: Here's 50,000 won ($50)... bribe them for me.

My friends look at me like I'm crazy and stands up.......

Me: Fine. 100,000 won ($100)... This is all I got...

They're heading for the door

Me: Fine! Fine! Here's 200,000 won ($200)

We figured out our strategy.Friend 1 would turn on the main power and go straight to the pirate shipFriend 2 would hide in the carousel control roomFriend 3 would track us in case she does something crazy, and turn on whatever theride she wants.

I would go with her into the amusement park... take her near the carousel... and tellher..

"This is my magic for you."

I stretch my arms, then the carousel turns on with music, and we ride the carousel.Then we move on to the pirate ship. As we go on, one of the friends turn on thestreetlight as we pass by them. Then we ride the pirate ship... Just the two of us...the plan is foolproof! No one in real life could get a birthday present like this...

The day before her birthday... we have to move in at late night, so I figured thefront gate would be closed. I tried to find a side door, but there weren't any... Idecided we would climb the wall. She's... probably an expert wall climber...

I practiced in front of the carousel, with both arms stretched out...

Passersby are staring at me...

And I quickly pretend I was yawning.

I'm so proud of my brain cells... they're learning quickly how to avoid other peoplestaring at me while I'm with her...


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The day has come. It's her birthday... A bouquet? I don't have one. I told my friendsto buy one for me and put it on the carousel... I pretended that I didn't have anygifts...

She's yelling at me... I have to endure it... the day is almost over, and I have to keep

her with me till the late night. Of course, going for a drink would be the bestsolution, but... if she drinks a half a bottle... she would be quite unpredictable...

It's 1 in the morning. I called my friends I was heading over there... They tell meeverything is ready... I sure have a bunch of trustworthy friends.

We took a taxi to the amusement park... she asked me why we're going there... Ididn't really answer...

We arrived at the wall of the park.

"We have to climb over"

Her: Are you crazy? Why are we here in the middle of the night? Climbing over thewall no less...Me: I always wanted to come to the park in the middle of the night... please? Let'sbe crazy and just do it. You're good at that right?... being completely out of yourmind...

She climbs over in seconds... and I took 10 minutes...

My heart was beating loudly. Finally, the best plan of my life is about to come to itsfull. She might just come for a bear hug when she's so moved...

We headed over to the carousel... everything was going according to the plan... itwas very dark, and we couldn't see anything...

In front of the carousel, I turned around to face her and took her by her shoulders,and as practiced, whispered.

"This is my magic for you."

I stretch my arms to the sky.

Silence is broken by sound of music singing happy birthday. Carousel is turned on.

She must have been taken by surprise. She's about to cry. I took her hand and wasabout to ride the carousel... Then... out of nowhere... I hear whistles

"Hey!! What's going on!! Who are you??"

And now, we're at the police station.

After getting yelled by security for hours, we were sent to the police...


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Officer: What are you guys trying to do? Why would you go in there in the middle ofthe night? Huh?Me: I'm so sorry, sir... See, what happened was-Officer: (He's not even listening.. why ask me why we did it then?) Do you have anyidea how much fines you are going to take?

So, she and I... along with my friends... spent the night in jail together... This is mysecond time in jail... (You remember the first time, right?)

In any case, I guess I did give her an unforgettable birthday gift. Can anyone saythey spent their birthdays behind the bars?

My friends told me... they tried to bribe the security, but they refused... Since thatjob was the only way they can support their families, they can't risk getting fired...

So my friends spent the money I gave them on their cell phone bills.....

Since they promised, they thought "whatever" and let this whole thing happen...

Next day, they all got fired... (Ha!)

So what about the fines? The next day, her uncle... yes, the one that let meexperience the fine institution of jail... came by and took care of it. You gottaappreciate the power of DAs...

But... I became #1 on her uncle's blacklist...

That's right... Drug dealers, murderers, robbers, rapists... I beat them all, and tookthe first place!!!....-_-;;

I'm still marked by her uncle... Her parents think of me as public enemy #1. I justwanted her to be happy.

She has almost moved on from him now... To tell you the truth, because of takingcare of all the things both her and I did for past few months, I don't think she hadtime to think about him at all...

Pretty soon, it'll be the 100th day since she threw up on the bald guy in thesubway... so it'll be the 100th day since we've met...

Of course, there's no way I'd remember something like that... She called me andreminded me. She's really rough, but there are sides of her that are cute like that...

And once again... what would I do for her... this 100th day?

If you have a good idea... please email me...

But I got the impression that it was her who was preparing something... What is sheup to?...


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CHAPTER 8

Sometimes on TV, a martial artist comes out and demonstrates these fancy moves.You won't believe me... but I'm a martial artist too... really.

In Taekwondo, Kendo, Judo, Hapkido, and Kung Fu, I have... one degree...(1st Degree + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 = 1)

The reason I'm rambling about this is because I wanted to prove to everyone thatit's not because I'm physically weak that she always beats the crap out of me. Youdon't believe me?

... You're right.

It was July, when the weather turned really nasty. For two months, she and I hadcovered basically all the places couples go to (bar... PC House... movies... videoplace... motel (?)... ... ... jail -_-). And we were getting tired of going to the sameplaces over and over again.

So we both agreed to "play with some culture and sophistication." and decided toplay squash (you know, that sport that apparently only the 'bourgeoisie' enjoys).. Inever played squash before, but I did have some experience with Tennis, so I waspretty confident.

She... wanted to make a bet.

Me: What bet?Her: Loser buys drink tonight.Me: I don't want to drink with you... ever...Her: Then, the loser has to fulfill the winner's one wish.Me: Okay... Don't regret it. It can be anything!

She's overconfident with her natural athletic talent... She has no idea what'scoming... and the game begins!

Bam! Bam! Bam! (No, not the sound of me getting beaten up)

Game over... the result? Of course I won... I can win against her in something...

finally!! You owe me a wish!

But the problem started from here. She must've been angry that she lost... shewanted to do Kendo... But Kendo is a pretty tough sport. It's a murder on yourshoulder and back...


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When I was little, I always kicked ass in swordfighting with little sticks. Everyonewho's my age in my neighborhood has at least one scar on the head from me... So...there was no way she knew how to do Kendo...

And even if she did... how good can she be?

I was drunk with victory and... Yes... I was confident once more.

So we go to the Kendo gym... and... what? People in the gym started to say hello toher. "Hey, long time no see..." From here, I started to get nervous... and I was backto my old self again.

Me: It's too hot to play Kendo... let's just go swimming or something!Her: -_-;Me: I... I think I have a stomach cramp...Her: \_/

I was covered with equipments that I didn't even know the names of... Whatever...

the protective pads gotta be sturdy enough...

Everyone in the gym stopped what they were doing and began to watch.... but notthe fight, but me... With a strange look on their faces-_____________ - (Kinda like this...)

We both have the bamboo swords... 3 meters apart... I begin to sweat, and there'stension in the air... She approaches, and I stare right at her sword. It looked as if itwas rising, then

BAM!

She went straight for my head... Did I get hit? No way! I parried her attack... It wasawesome. But if I had gotten hit, it probably would've killed me. I called for timeout.

Wait!... Hey! When I watched it on TV, it went head, head, waist, leg... isn't thatwhat we're supposed to do? I wish I hadn't agreed to do this...

I feel sudden pain at my side, then a cramp in my head... I could see the stars...then I don't remember what happened...

I could see the ceilings... I just pretended I was knocked out...

Any case, I'd won the squash game, so she still owes me a wish. What should I tellher?... How about if I tie her up on a tree and beat her (for once)?

After that day, I get nervous every time she holds even a wooden chopstick... whoknows? She might complain that her food sucks and throws her chopstick like aknife to the cook or something A girl with Kendo degree... is scary as hell.


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CHAPTER 9

Today's Saturday! She doesn't have any classes and neither do I... My plan for theday is to go to the library and study the whole day. That's right, I study...sometimes...

I went to school, got a place in the library, and opened my book...

And now I'm getting sleepy... T_T

I pledged to be a great person by opening the front door and going to the libraryand... falling asleep in less than 5 minutes... I was barely conscious. I tried to fightoff sleep by drinking coffee, smoking, washed my face with cold water... and cameback to my seat...

And ardently I... slept. Zzzzz

I don't know how long I slept, but my phone started to vibrate. I answered, barelyawake. And of course, it was her...

"Hello?""Hey. I'm going to the University Street (literal translation. Think your localuniversity, and the street right next to it filled with shops, coffee shops, etc.), someet me there.""I have to study today...""No... Do you want to die, or do you want to get there?""I'll get there..."

Suddenly, the silent library became noisy.

"What kind of an @$$hole answers phone in the library?""See, this is why I can't even study at the library."

In the drowsiness of my sleep, I answered the phone loudly in the middle of thelibrary. I quickly got my bag packed... the book I was using as a pillow was drenchedwith my drool... disgusting... -_-;;

I got to the University street and she was waiting for me there. Lunch was a fewminutes ago, and neither of us had anything to eat so... she said

"I'm hungry. What should we get?"

"Just whatever..."

"Let's go eat Jajangmyun (cannot translate... here's a picture for you guys though^^: http://sfood.info/cuisine/nudle/p_11.htm. The price range is about 3~5 bucks. Itis a noodle with black bean sauce, kinda sweet, kinda salty. Considered a junk foodand can get messy around your mouth if you're not careful). I'm suddenly cravingfor a Jajangmyun."


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She wants jajangmyun... so we found a Chinese restaurant (Note: not really Chinesefood... just called one for no apparent reason) and she ordered

"Can we get a double order of Jajangmyun and a single order?"

Well, that was sweet of her. She wanted me to get more so she ordered the doubleserving... the waitress gave me the double and gave her the single. But then,something feels wrong, and she tells me

"Hey, our orders are switched. The double one is mine.""Wait... you get the double and I get the single?""That's right. Hurry up.""Then... why didn't we get two doubles?"

So she eats the double and I eat the normal one. But I have my pride too. Beforefinishing mine, I ask the waitress.

"I need another double here."

She doesn't let up "No, can we have two of those?"

So we're on our second bowl...

"Let's go." We shouted at the same time and started eating.

Somewhere in the middle of the second bowl, she says

"Hey, your first bowl was a single, so it's not fair. You have to get another one.""Can I get Jjam Ppong (once again... spicy seafood noodle? ^^ here's a picture:http://image.ohmynews.com/down/images/1/ghsqnfok_291861_1%5B459530%5D.jpg) instead? I'm getting sick of Jajangmyun..."

Daikon pickles fly at me. So do onion pieces (Note: both are usual side dishes withJajangmyun)... you know, with that black sauce.

"No way! Ma'am, can we have another double?"

She ate 2 doubles and I had a single and a double... and now, there's anotherdouble in front of me... I picked up my chopsticks... The world has turned in thatblack Jajang sauce color... but like I said... I have my pride

I'm finishing up mine, and so is she... I told her

"Hey... I ate three bowls... you have to eat one more single... for us to have eatenthe same amount... ma'am, we need one more single..."

At this point, other customers have forgotten their orders in front of them. Theowners aren't even working, but are too busy staring at us. And some delivery boy


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got the living crap beaten out of him by the owners after asking them if he coulddeliver later... even the chefs came out of the kitchen to watch us...

Everyone was looking at us... as if we were crazy...

I finished mine, but she still has one more to go...

You know how the teacher's giving out group punishment? And you're the first oneto get hit, and you turn around and look at other kids behind you about to get hit...it was just like that.

But... she finished... and said.

"We have to finish this..."

She ordered another double... and then we played the multiplication game (whereyou recite the multiplication table in a certain beat and song) for it... I'm anengineering major. Engineering! There's no way I can lose to her.

But... like I said... she's an econ major... damn it.

I managed to eat 2/3 of it... and we left the place.

"How much?""Let's see... 2 singles and 5 doubles... 20 bucks."

We ate... 20 dollars worth of Jajangmyun (think 20 dollars worth of Big Macs)

I can barely walk... the noodles are near my throat... if someone hit my stomachright now...

I cringe and looked at her...

She was writhing with pain....

We got in front of a Baskin Robins. She tells me.

"I can't walk anymore... let's rest here for a second.

So we sat... collapsed near a telephone poll... Then some guy passed by, coughingand then spitting thick, yellow mucous right next to us. We saw that... then... whileholding the telephone poll... we started to throw up.

That was around 3 pm... on Saturday... meaning that the place was packed withpeople.

So, we were holding hands (lovely) and... threw up in front of them. We try to stopit, but we looked at the ... result... and... went at it again.


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Everything is.... black. I was reminded of a Jajangmyun pizza for some reason. Someof the stuff splattered and got on my face... and on her face...

After a while, we're about to faint... and we stood up, shaking.

And we looked around... the sun looks like a Daikon pickle. Everyone looks like

delivery boys.

About 200 people made a half-circle with 10 m radius around us... and waswatching us...

I took her hand and ran... and thought "I will never eat Jajangmyun... EVER!"

And then I prayed that no one I knew was in the crowd...

I went back to school on Monday... but some guys in my major was talking ingroups...

"So last Saturday, I went to the University street, right? You know that BaskinRobins? Some guy and a girl were throwing up in front of it in the middle of the dayholding telephone polls. But I still have no idea what they ate... it was all blackand... ugh. I thought 'are they from the mental hospital?' I guess they wereembarrassed and started to run, and their face was covered with that black stuff."

I thought I was having a heart attack...

Well, at least that guy didn't know it was me... thanks to the Jajangmyun residue...

After that, asking me to go eat Jajangmyun would mean termination of ourfriendship...

MySassyGirl(chapter1-9)

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