Mindful Compassionate Coaching in a VUCA world: developing ... · • The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion (Christopher Germer) • Mindfulness : a practical guide for finding peace

MindfulCompassionateCoachinginaVUCAworld:developingcoachandclientcompassionforselfandothers

LizHall

MindfulnesspracticeAwarenessofbreath

Thissession• Intro:whymyinterest,whyme?• Settingthescene:whynow?• Whatiscompassion(andmindfulness)andwhatisitnot?• Mindfulness&compassion:twowingsofthesamebird• Research:benefits ofcultivatingcompassion(with

mindfulness)• Relevance/applicationtocoaching,particularlyinrelationto

VUCA- turningtowardsdifficulties• Puttingintopractice:howwecandevelop(self-)compassion,

somepractices&potentialobstacles• Resources

“Nothingismorepowerfulthananideawhosetimehascome”

VictorHugo

“Thecureforthepainisinthepain”Rumi

Theclimate• Growingevidencebaseforcompassion&mindfulness• Psychologyfallingoutoflovewithself-esteemasmarkerfor

+vementalhealth...andintolovewithcompassion• Goal-settingculture:blameselfwhenfail• “It’scrazyoutthere”- VUCA,BREXIT,refugeecrisis,climate

change…• Riseindepression&anxiety….andshifttakingplace:speaking

out• Highexposure- socialmedia,e.g.‘hotornot’app;FOMO

And nowcompassion• BuildingonMindfulnessRevolution• GrowingevidencebaseforCompassionFocusedTherapy(CFT)….showing

promiseformentalhealthconditionse.g.socialphobia,excessiveself-judgment,PTSD…andCompassionateMindTraining- grouptherapyforpeoplewithsevereshame

• CFTgivenbirthtoCompassionFocusedCoaching• CompassionCultivationTrainingatStanfordUniversityCCARE(Centerfor

CompassionandAltruismResearchandEducation)• Compassionineducation(e.g.Saltash CommunitySchool)• Growthincompassionateleadership(e.g.CompassionateMind

Foundation)• Goeshandinhandwithmindfulness- canbemissingingredient• Perfectforourtimes- VUCA,highstresslevels,lotsofself-criticism

Nomud,nolotus

Whatiscompassion?

• “ItrytotreatwhoeverImeetasanoldfriend.Thisgivesmeagenuinefeelingofhappiness.Itisthepracticeofcompassion” (DalaiLama,accessed2015)

• Com…pati....butwithACTION• Compassionis“asensitivitytothesufferingofselfandothers,withadeepcommitmenttotrytorelieveit”(DalaiLama,1995)

Twowingsofthebirdofawareness

• Twowings:compassionandmindfulnessareinter-dependent• Mindfulnesstrainingincreasescompassiontoselfandothers• Mindfulnesscorepractices:

i)single-focus;ii)openawareness,iii)loving-kindness&compassion(e.g.Germer &Siegel,2012)

• Withoutcompassion:Awareyetself-critical• Withoutmindfulness:Self-indulgent

Compassion:3elements/flows

Threeelements(Neff,2003)

1. Havingcompassionforothers2. Receivingcompassionfromothersorbeing

theobjectofcompassion3. Compassionforoneself- self-compassion(formultipleselves)

Self-compassion:3elements

• Mindfulness (vs.Over-Identification)• Commonhumanity(vs.Isolation)• Self-Kindness(vs.Self-judgment)

(Neff,2003)

Guidedself-compassionpracticeBringtomindstressfulscenario• Thisisamomentofsuffering(mindfulness:naming,turningtowards)

• Sufferingisapartoflife(commonhumanity)• MayIbekindtomyselfinthismoment?(self-kindness)E.g.Handsoverheart…whatwouldyousaytofriend?

Lettinggoofpractice,noticinghowyoufeel,allowingyourselftobe(Neff’sSelf-compassionbreak)

Whatcompassionisnot“Don’truntowardpainandsuffering.Justdon’trunawayfromthem”Sufisaying• Self-esteem• Self-indulgence• Self-pity• Passivity• Egotism• Empathy

Empathy

• Gatewaytocompassion• Compassionactivatesbraincircuitsassociatedwithpositiveemotion&reward,empathydoesn’tnecessarilydoso

• Compassionleadstoprosocial behaviour(=voluntarybehaviour intendedtohelpanother)moresystematicallythanempathy• Compassion=empathywithaction?

Goodbyeself-esteem…helloself-compassion

• Differentpictureemergingaroundself-esteem• Self-esteem=evaluatingyourselfpositively,

self-compassion=relatingtooneselfwithkind&forgivingattitude(Neff&Vonk,2009)

• Highself-esteemcancreatelotsofproblems(Baumeister etal,1996)….wecan’tallbeaboveaverage!....Thich Nhat Hanh:superiority,equality,inferioritycomplex.....Tryingtomaintainhighself-esteem…narcissism,self-absorption,self-righteousness,anger,prejudice,discrimination

“Self-compassionprovidesthesamebenefitsasself-esteeemwithoutitsdrawbacks” KristinNeff

Compassion:innate?

• Ourcapacityforempathy,compassion,kindness,andaltruisticbehaviourisinborn…onlylaterdowejudgewhoisworthyornotofourkindness

• What’sinitforme?SocialpsychologistDanielBatsonresearchonprosocialmotivation- ifwefeelempathyforsomeone,wewillhelpthem,regardlessofwhatwegetoutofit…Warneken&Tomasello (2009)-childrennaturallyhelp

• CooperationANDcompetition• Butforsomewhohaven’tencounteredcompassionwhileyoung,canbe

undeveloped(e.g.Davidson)&mostofushavetendencytobeself-critical....self-criticismveryharmful(oneofbiggestpredictorsofseriousmentalhealthproblems- Harter,1993)

• Untrained,compassionisreactive

Benefitsof(self-)compassion• Makesushappier,moreoptimistic&increasesrelationshipsatisfaction(Neffet

al,2007,2013)• Decreasesdepression&anxiety.. (Self-compassion) linked topsychologicalhealth

andwellbeing(e.g.Neffetal;Brach,2003)• Workswithaffiliative brainsystems(self-criticismworksthrough threatsystem)

(e.g.Weng etal,2013)• Associatedwithimprovedabilitytocopewithadversity(e.g.Sbarra etal,2012)• Senseofpurpose• Boostsconnectionswithothers..inorganisations,promoteshealingandbuilds

thequalityofrelationships… trustandstrengtheningsharedvaluesofinterconnectedness (Dutton,Lilius,andKanov ,2007) Greaterpresence,attunementandresonance (McCraty,2002;McCraty etal,1998)

• Aslittleas30minutesadayfor2weeksissufficient tochangethebrainandinducemoreprosocial&altruisticbehaviour (Davidson)

• Benefitmorefromothers’kindness• Greatercreativity(Zabelina andRobinson, 2010)

Thebrainoncompassion

Theneuroscience:practising self-compassion• Strengthensthepartsofbrainthatmakeyouhappier,moreresilientand

moreattuned toothers• Cancomfort‘negative’emotionsinthepresent,reducingdistress…

recruitstheCareCircuit(Panksepp,1998- sevenprimaryemotionalcircuitsinthebrain)togenerateoxytocin&endogenousopioids

• Canpermanentlyhealpainfulmemoriesfromthepastorchangenegativecorebeliefs….Panksepp:ifdistressingmemoriesreconsolidatedwhileCareCircuitactive,theybecomelessdistressing

• Compassionmeditationstudies(Davidson,2012)- ….Inmonks,‘happiest’brainsverydocumented(e.g.LPFCmoreactivethantheright;extremelyhighlevelofconnectivitybetweenLPFC&amygdala;gammawaveswithhighestlevelsofamplitide&synchrony)...butevennovicesbecomehappier!

Compassion:cornerstoneofallgoodcoaching

• Compassion=importantfactorincreatingpositivechangeinpsychotherapy(Wampold,2013)

• Compassionleadstobetteroutcomes(Boyatzis;Fluckiger etal,2012)- leadstodesiredchange,enhancedhealth,andwell-beingincoaching(Boyatzis,SmithandBeverage,2012)

Compassionincoaching

“Aaaaggh….I keeptryingtocoachmyclientaroundhowtobemorecompassionate towardshimself,butI’mgettingnowhere…Imustbeaterriblecoach!”

TheinnercriticWhatisthisselfinsideus,thissilentobserver,Severeandspeechlesscritic,whocanterrorizeusAndurgeusontofutileactivityAndintheend,judgeusstillmoreseverelyFortheerrorsintowhichhisownreproachesdroveus?

T.S.Eliot,TheElderStatesman

Floccinaucinihilipilification

Noun rareTheactionorhabitofestimatingsomethingasworthless

EXERCISE

Howdoyoutypicallyreacttoyourselfandinchallengingtimes?(hand-out)

EXPLORE/COACHINPAIRS

CompassionatecoachesPractising self-compassionhelpsus:1.Helpourclientbecomeasourceofcompassionfor

themselves- e.g.role-modeling self-compassion,explicitlyhelpingthemdevelopself-compassion

2.Behappierandtogeneratemorecompassionforourclients…moreresilient&moreattunedtoothers....helpsusgenerateUPR(Welwood,2002)

Themoreourclientsfeelheard,understoodandcaredfor,themorelikelyitisthey’llbehealed/getpositiveoutcomes

MindfulCompassionateCoachingFoundations• Practice:Coachsupportedbyownmindfulness/compassionpractice

• Philosophy&stance:turningtowardsthedifficult;exploringemotions;emphasisonbeingmindful&self-compassionate

• CPD&supervision:Mindfulness&compassion/related

• Underpinnings- abletodrawonevidence-basedmindfulness&compassioncultivationapproaches

MCC:coachingrelationship

• Contracting forhowmindfulness&compassionmightshowupincoaching…ABC

• Modeling CARE,TRUST,RESPECT,MINDFULNESS,LOVE,COMPASSION….Turningtowardsdifficulty(lotusandthemud) etc

• Drawingonmindfulness/compassion-relatedunderpinnings&practiceswhereappropriate

MindfulCompassionateCoachingunderpinnings&practices:ABC

• AWARENESS/MINDFULNESS: e.g.traditionalmindfulness(Buddhist)teachings(e.g.Thich Nhah Hanh,DalaiLama);secularmindfulnessteachings(MBSR- Kabat-Zinn,MBCT- MarkWilliams);Liz’sFEEL/FELTmodel(Hall,2013/2015);Gestalt,CleanLanguage

• BODYWISDOM:e.g.somaticcoachinge.g.RichardStrozzi,EuniceAquilina);yoga;mindfulnessteachings&practices(e.g.BodyScan,MindfulMovement-WalkingMeditation)

• COMPASSION:e.g.Buddhism;KristinNeff’swork;CFC(e.g.PaulGilbert;ChrisIrons,StephenPalmer),TimDesmond-modularity/psychologicalparts

• PlusNEUROSCIENCE etc

CompassionFocusedCoaching• CFT(Gilbert)• Integratedapproach:includingevolutionarypsychology,neuroscience,

attachmenttheory,socialpsychology• CFCaimstohelpclientsnotice&understandimpactof‘negative’

emotions,self-criticism,ruminationetc;understandbenefitsofcreatinganalternativecompassionate&helpfulrelationshipwiththemselves&others,andhowtodothis

• WorkswithconceptssuchastheThreeAffectRegulationSystemsmodel;evolutionaryideasrehumanbrainbeingtricky…normalising

• UsespracticesincludingSoothingbreathing;CompassionateFocusedImagery

ThreeAffectRegulationsystems

Outofbalance• OveractiveThreatSystem(anger,shameetc)• Overactive/underactiveDriveSystem• UnderactiveCaring&Affiliative System

CompassionateImageryexercise

Exploreinpairs/plenary

LovingKindnessMeditation• MayIbesafe….kindtomyself...freefromsuffering...

acceptmyselfasIam• Mayyoubesafe….kindtoyourself...freefromsuffering ...

acceptyourselfasyouare(lovedone)• Mayyoubesafe….kindtoyourself...freefromsuffering ...

acceptyourselfasyouare(neutral)• Mayyoubesafe….kindtoyourself...freefromsuffering ...

acceptyourselfasyouare(difficultperson- client?)• Mayyouallbesafe….kindtoyourselves...freefromsuffering

...acceptyourselvesasyouare(everyone)

LKMbenefits

• Positiveimpactonbody’sbiochemistry,enhancedresilience&empathy&self-compassion(e.g.Davidson,2007)

• Toolfordrivingpositivebehavioural change (e.g.Frederickson,2014)• UseinCFC(Gilbert)• Ekman(2008):powerfultooltohelppeoplerewriteinternalscripts• Marturtano(2014)recommendsaspartofmindfulleadership• LKMincoachinghelpscoaches‘quieten’theirinnercritic,andbemore

presentandlistenmoredeeplytoclient- helpedcreateanenvironmentwhichimprovedcoachingoutcomes….softening,easing,helpingmoretransformationalworktakeplace(Heardman,2016)

Potentialobstaclestoself-compassion

• Fear• Defensiveness• Pride• ‘Nearenemies’ofself-indulgence;self-pity;passivity;egotism

• Culture

‘Nearenemies’ofself-compassion

• Self-indulgence…won’tbothertodoanything...doesn’tactuallyserve

• Self-pity:wallowinginsufferingandnotwithwishingoneselfwell

• Passivity:Compassionleadstoaction(notalways)

• Egotism:beingoverlyinvolvedwithourownneeds...self-esteem

Stagesonpathtoself-compassion

• Backdraft:anger,negativity…worthlessselffightingforsurvival

• Infatuation stage• Trickymiddlebit- nomagicformulaL• Trueacceptance

MindfulCompassionateCoach

WhatdoesyourMindfulCompassionateCoachingpracticelooklike?Whatcanyoucommitto?Exploreinpairs

Practices&exercises

• Mindfulnesspractices• FEEL/FELTmodel(Hall,2013,2015)• CompassionateImagery(Gilbert)• LovingKindness(Befriending)Meditation• Self-compassionbreak(Neffwebsite)• http://self-compassion.org/test-how-self-compassionate-you-are/ (Neffwebsite)

Resources• MINDFULCOMPASSIONATECOACHINGMASTERCLASSwithLIZHALL:Thursday

15th December• Coaching inTimesofCrisis&Transformation (LizHall&others)• Mindful coaching:usingmindfulness totransformyourcoachingpractice(LizHall)• “CompassionFocusedCoaching”,HandbookofCoachingPsychology ( Irons,

Palmer&Hall)• RadicalAcceptance (TaraBrach)• Self-Compassion inPsychotherapy (TimDesmond)• SelfCompassion (KristinNeff)• TheMindfulPathtoSelf-Compassion (Christopher Germer)• Mindfulness:apracticalguideforfindingpeaceinafranticworld(MarkWilliams

andDannyPenman)• TheMindfulworkplace(MichaelChaskalson)• Themiracleofmindfulness (Thich Nhat Hanh)• Whereveryougo,thereyouare(JonKabat-Zinn)• Fullcatastropheliving(JonKabat-Zinn)• TheMindfulTherapist(DanielSiegel)

ContactLiz

Email: [email protected]: 08442092157Skype: liz.hall2

www.coaching-at-work.comwww.lizhallcoaching.com