Midnights with the mystic : a little guide to freedom and bliss

PraiseforMidnightswiththeMystic

“Noloftythoughts,justthetruth.CherylSimoneandSadhgurunotonlytellitlikeitis,theyshowushowmakeuseofthisinformationtoexpand,enjoy,and

appreciateourlives.”—DrJoeVitale,authorofTheAttractorFactorandTheKey

“Extraordinarywisdom,theinsightandclarityoflogic,thelanguageofapoet.Ifyoureadthispowerfulbook,youwilldiscoverwhoyoureallyare,whoweall

are.”—NealeDonaldWalsch,authorofConversationswithGod

“Whenyoureadthisbook,Iknowyou'llresonatewithitstruths,betouchedinwaysthatcantriggeryourowntransformation,andrealize,asIhave,thatapeaceful,fulfilling,andvibrantlifeisavailableforoneandallwhoopenthemselvestoreceivetheabundantGraceofthisunparalleledbeing.”

—RichardfromTexas(fromEat,Pray,Love)“Sadhguru'spiercinglogicandwitrevealthetruenatureoflife,whilethe

author'srivetingpersonaljourneyrevealsSadhguru—thepersonandthesciencethatframeshislife'swork.Thebookmakesacompellingargumentforwhyevery

personshouldexperiencewhatSadhguruhastooffer.”—RaviVenkatesan,CEO,MicrosoftIndia

“MeetingSadhguruhasbeenthemostprofoundexperienceofmylife—afterintenselysearching,Ihaveatlastfoundabeingwiththeclarityandvisiontoleadmetotheultimate.Whilenowordscanfullydescribewhatitmeanstoencountersuchabeing,thisbookcapturestheseeker'spredicamentandlaysbareSadhguru'smasteryoverlifeandhisabilitytoengineerblissfulness.Foranyonethathaseverquestionedthepurposeoflife,everypageinthisbookwillresonatewithyou—itisasifthisbookwaswrittenbyyouandyetforyou.”

—InduJain,Chairperson,TimesofIndiaGroup

Copyright©2008

byCherylSimoneandSadhguruJaggiVasudevAllrightsreserved,includingtherighttoreproducethisworkinanyformwhatsoever,without

permissioninwritingfromthepublisher,exceptforbriefpassagesinconnectionwithareview.

CoverdesignbyKathrynSky-PeckCoverphotographsbyGettyImagesHamptonRoadsPublishingCompany,Inc.

1125StoneyRidgeRoadCharlottesville,VA22902

434-296-2772•fax:434-296-5096

e-mail:[email protected]•www.hrpub.com

Ifyouareunabletoorderthisbookfromyourlocalbookseller,youmayorderdirectlyfromthepublisher.Call1-800-766-8009,toll-free.

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataLibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataSimone,Cheryl,1953–Midnightswiththemystic:alittleguidetofreedomandbliss/CherylSimonewithSadhguruJaggiVasudev.p.cm.Summary:“Apersonalrecountingoftheauthor'sfive-dayretreatwithherguru,SadhguruJaggiVasudev,andherjourneytowardself-enlightenment”--Providedbypublisher.ISBN978-1-57174-561-3(5.25x7.25tp:alk.paper)1.Simone,Cheryl,1953-2.Vasudev,Jaggi,Sadhguru.3.Spiritualbiography.4.Yoga.I.Vasudev,Jaggi,Sadhguru.II.Title.BL1175.S4A352008

295.4092--dc22

2008001721

ISBN978-1-57174-561-3109876543

Printedonacid-freepaperinCanadawww.redwheelweiser.com

www.redwheelweiser.com/newsletter

TABLEOFCONTENTS

FOREWORDbyRichardVogt

FOREWORDbyPatMacEnulty

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTERONETheSeeking:AnAmericanStory

CHAPTERTWOTheFinding:EncounteringSadhguru

CHAPTERTHREEOurWeekBegins:SadhguruArrives

CHAPTERFOURNightOne:MidnightwithaMystic

CHAPTERFIVENightTwo:DivineBliss

CHAPTERSIXNightThree:“AndNow,Yoga”

CHAPTERSEVENNightFour:IntotheMystic

CHAPTEREIGHTOurLastNight:ADeeperUnderstanding

EPILOGUE

APPENDIXONEIshaYogaPrograms

APPENDIXTWOIshaFoundation

FOREWORD

Those of youwhohave read the phenomenal bestseller,Eat,Pray, Love,knowofthemanyso-calledpearlsofwisdom“RichardfromTexas”directedat the author, Elizabeth “Groceries”Gilbert. From the pages of her book, Igained, quite unexpectedly, some notoriety. The media dubbed me a“remarkable character that with his colloquial one-liners dispels poignant,irreverent,humorousadvice.”Othershavegonesofaras tocharacterizemypersona as “sowise and possessing such an incredibly unique spirit.” EvenOprah(that's theOprahWinfrey)invitedthis“surprisinglywisecowboy”onhershowthatfeaturedLizandherrunawayhitbook.Her readersalsoknowofmy formerproclivitiesasa junkieandadrunk,

alongwithmypriorcareerasadrugdealer,orasGroceriesmoredelicatelylabeledmy line ofwork, a “commodities broker” in illegal narcotics.Whatyou don't know is how the transformation occurred from that addict andalcoholic to a “Big Texas Yogi,” who can emit what is alleged to be sageadvice.Certainlytheschoolofhardknockstaughtmemanylessons.Butmoreimportantly,Ihavebeenblessedwithtworemarkableteachers:first, theoneLiz chose to keep anonymous (so I will too); and second, Sadhguru JaggiVasudev.Even with my flourish and fanfare for memorable one-liners, I have no

words that can even come close to describing this exceptionally incrediblegreatbeingIamnowgracedtocallmyguru.I'veneverbeeninthepresenceof anyone like him before.He truly is one-of-akind.One could never labelhimwhatwepreconceiveintheU.S. tobea typicalEasternguru.He'sveryunorthodox,devoidofconformity,ajokester,frequentlydonsbluejeansandT-shirts, and loves to toss a Frisbee around. Yet, he epitomizes the verypinnacleofwhataferventseekersearchesfor inaspiritualguide—onewhomakesallpossibilitiesavailable.IfirstmetSadhguruin2005whenaverydearfriend,whohadtransformed

so much herself, invited me to attend an introductory Inner EngineeringProgram.Well,tobetruthful,shejustdidn'tinviteme—sheboughtmyairlineticketandpaidforthehotelandtheclass,soIcouldn'tsay“no,I'mtoobusy,

blah, blah, blah,” ormake some other excuse. So there Iwas sitting in thehotelmeetingroomandinwalkedthispresencewhoactuallymademybodytingle.Thenheturnedandfacedus.I looked intohiseyesandbecamedizzy. Iwasgazing intodeeppoolsof

lovethatjustsuckedmeinandtotallyenvelopedme.Ihadneverhadthatkindofexperiencebefore.All I could thinkofwas, “Oooohhhh, I'm in for somewild stuff.” And then he opened his mouth and began to speak. When hetalked, it resonated so deeply within me that I almost had a physicalexperienceofhiswords. I felt that Iwas touchedon a cellular level.Tobemoresuccinct,Iwascompletelyblownaway.At theendof theprogram,Ispoke tohimaboutmyheartcondition.You

remembermyprayer toopenmyheart thatLizwrote about?Resulting in aquadruplebypass?Wellitwasaboutfiveyearslaterandproblemshadflaredup again. Iwas eating nitroglycerin like it was candy, had suffered a heartattack, and was dodging the grim reaper. The doctors told me there wasnothingmoretheycoulddoandsuggestedthatIgetmyaffairsinorder.I askedSadhguru if therewas anythinghe coulddo tohelpme.He said,

“Yes,butIdon'thavethetimehere,soyou'llhavetoattendanotherspecificprogram.” The thought that ran through my mind was that he was a greatsalesmanandhaddeliveredaclosingguaranteeingthatIwouldcomeback.So off I went to India for the next program, at the Wellness and

RejuvenationCenter inhis ashramadjacent to the foothills of theVellingiriMountains in Southern India. My treatment, individually designed bySadhguru (as it was for all participants of the program), consisted of acombinationofyogicpractices,dietmodifications,Ayurvedic therapies, andSiddhamedicines.Voila!AfteramonthIwaslivinginadifferentbody.Mysymptomswerenomore.Andthegrimreaper—well,weputhimtobed.I now have attended every advanced course that Sadhguru offers, along

withcountlessothers.Butwhatisuniqueisthat,eventhoughmanyattendaprogram, he mixes what he calls a “yogic cocktail” exclusively for eachpractitioner,blendingall theaspectsofyoga in just therightproportions,soeveryone can achieve their longing. And I have. He has imparted an innerexperienceofesotericYogicteachingsthathavebeenaroundforthousandsofyears,but seemed totallyoutof reach forme.Andallona fast track,and Imeanholdontoyourhat.ThetimeIhavespentaroundSadhguru,practicingthemethodsheteaches,

receiving the benefits of his myriad “technologies,” and above all beingshoweredwith theGrace that flows so freely fromhim, is transformational.

My life today is one of effortless living filled with joy, a deep sense ofserenity, and freedomfrommanyof theday-to-dayentanglements. I feel soexceptionallyfortunateandgratefultohavethisconsummategiftofSadhguruinmylifethatIbestowedituponmytwosons,whonowareonthepathofIshaYoga.And now I wish to impart to you the same gift. This incredible being,

SadhguruJaggiVasudev,isavailabletoyouinMidnightswiththeMystic.Thebookputsyouinhispresenceinaveryhumanway.Itiswrittensothatitiseasytograsp.Youdon'thavetoknowanythingaboutthesubjectmattertogetwhatitteaches.Butevenseasonedreaderswillfindfreshkernelsofwisdomandunderstanding.Cheryl Simone, the book's coauthor, had the great good fortune to have

Sadhguruspendaweekatherlakehousesohecouldcompletesomeneededwork.Duringtheeveningsandintothenight,shesatandconversedwithhim—such an amazingly rare experience for someone to be able to spend thatkindoftimewithanenlightenedbeing.Soyou,throughthebook,areinvitedtopartakeinthatsameincrediblyrareexperience.You can take Cheryl's journey alongside her. You, too, can be the one

sittingbythefire,ridingintheboat,orgazingatthestarswithSadhguru,andall thewhile conversingwith theworld'sgreatest teacher—soaking in everyaspect of his discernment.Midnightswith theMystic offers theunusual andinsightfulopportunityforyoutosharethatpersonalspacewiththispreciousbeingandbeapartofthemetamorphosisthatCherylunderwent.Itisfilledwithallsortsofstraightforwardnuggetsthatarejustplainuseful.

Whenyoureadthisbook,Iknowyou'llresonatewithitstruths,betouchedinways thatcan triggeryourown transformation,and realize,as Ihave, thatapeaceful, fulfilling, and vibrant life is available for one and all who openthemselvestoreceivetheabundantGraceofthisunparalleledbeing.Midnights with theMystic: Don'tmiss this rare opportunity. So sit back,

relax,putyourfeetup,andgetitstraightfromthehorse'smouth.

—RichardVogt,aka“RichardfromTexas,”acharacterinEat,Pray,LovebyLizGilbert

FOREWORD

Asan independenteditorandwriter, Ihavehadthegoodfortune toworkwith a number ofwonderful andwise authorswhilewritingon a variety ofspiritual topics. When I read Cheryl Simone's manuscript about herexperiencesandSadhguruJaggiVasudev,Ifeltanimmediatekinshipwiththeauthor.Ialsohadadeepyearningtomeettheunusual,fast-driving,humorous,andathleticgurushedescribesinherpages.SomeofSimone'sexperienceswithSadhguruaresimilar toexperiences I

have read in books about masters long dead. At the same time, Sadhguruseems to be so much more fun than the stereotype of the “hermit on themountain.”Hissenseofhumorandhiszestforlifefairlyleapedoffthepage.And,Simone'ssearchfortherightspiritualpathtotakehertoaplaceofblisssounds like my own decades-long hunt. This book, I realized, is about ajourneyintotheheartofenlightenment.Simone is the perfect guide into Sadhguru's world, especially for

Westernerswhomaynothavehadmuchexperiencewithgurusorenlightenedbeings. Simone asks the big questions. Her burning curiosity and sharpintellecthelpusprobe into thedepthsof thispursuit.SomepeoplemightbeunderstandablyintimidatedbysovigorousamanasSadhguru,butSimoneisabsolutelyclearononething:Sadhguruistheonepersonwhocananswerthequestionsthathavebeendrivingherforalifetime,andsheisnotgoingtoletthe opportunity to find those answers pass her by. Although she had neverwrittenabookbefore,Simone'spassionforhersubjectenabledhertoconveyher story in a straightforward and personablemanner that helpsmake oftenabstractideasaccessibletoanyone.Simone initially approached the whole idea of a guru with a bit of old-

fashioned skepticism.As she sheds her doubts,we cannot help but becomeconvincedourselvesthatSadhguruistherealthing—apersonwhonotonlyisabletodwellintheinfinite,butwhohasthetoolstohelpusgowithhim.AbouteightmonthsafterIinitiallyreadthemanuscript,Iwasabletotake

an Inner Engineering course with one of Sadhguru's teachers. Though

Sadhguruhimselfwasnot there,hispresencepermeated theclass,andsomeoftheparticipantsobviouslyhadextraordinaryexperiences.TheotherthingInoticed was that all the volunteers who had been following Sadhguru'spracticeshadalightshiningintheireyes.Ihadnevermetpeoplesokindandloving.Theyweren'tpushy.Well,Ithoughtafterthisprogram,I'mobviouslygoingtobeahardnutto

crack.Ididnothaveanawakeningexperiencewhileinthecourse.Iwasmysame old cranky self, but I was committed to my spiritual growth and Ifollowed the prescribed practices. I also remembered Simone's rendering ofherownspiritualtribulations.Shetellsusthatsheoftenwonderedwhyotherpeopleseemedtohavegreaterordeepermeditativeexperiencesthanshehad,but she also reminds us that “experiences” are not the goal of this work—transformation is. And for some of us, it may take time to wear down ourresistance.TwoweeksaftertakingtheInnerEngineeringcourse,IwenttoSadhguru's

ashraminTennesseetotakeanotherprogramwiththemasterhimself.AtfirstIsimplythoughtIwouldenjoymyself;Ihadnohopesforfeelingwhateveritwas other people seemed to feel. Two days into the program, my life waschanged.InmyjournalIwrote:“Ispent theweekendwithaguruwhoslewmy heart and turned my blood into furious rivers. I gasped for breath andplungedintothosehungrywaters.IweptinagonyuntilIfeltmyselffloating,heldupbytinygoldfish.Ontheshore,mybrokenshadowwailedandwavedadullsword.Whenitwastimetogo,Isailedaway,myshadowtrailingbehindme.Inthedistance—drumming!”IfeelfortunatethatIreadthisbookpriortoparticipatingintheprograms.I

wentinwithanopenmindandwithanintellectualunderstandingofsomeofthe concepts that we would discuss. I also realized that while it is awondrouslygoodthingtoactuallysitatthefeetofthemasterandlearnthesetechniques,itisthetechnologyitselfthatcanbelifealtering.NowthatIhavebeen following thepractices that I learned in theprograms, Ihavebegun toexperiencethebenefitsthatSimonedescribedinherbook:betterhealth,moreenergy,greaterfocus,andmomentsofinexplicablejoy.For so longwe'vebeen toldweneed to live in thenow.We'vebeen told

that “all this is an illusion” and that the “kingdom of heaven is within.”Intellectuallywemayunderstandtheseideas,butthedifficultpartformostofusseems tobehow.Howdoweget froman intellectualunderstanding toaliving experience? Thanks to Cheryl Simone and her book, I feel that I'vetakenafewbabystepsonthispath.Iplantoadvancemuchfurther,buteven

ifIstayedhere,IwouldhavetosayI'mmuchbetteroff.Alittlebitofpeaceisalittlebitoftreasure.ForthosemeditatorswhohavetakenoneormoreofSadhguru'sprograms,

thisbookwillprovideanswerstothequestionsyoudidn'tevenknowyouhad.For others, such asmyself, who had never even heard of Sadhguru before,readingthisbookwillopenyoureyesandyourmindtoexperiencesyouneverimaginedpossible. Itoffersusgreathopethatwemaynotbe limited to thismerry-go-roundoflifetimes.Enlightenmentispossible.Forus.This is a book that must be read more than once. It is not simply a

collection of pithy sayings; rather, it is an indepth, involved conversationbetweenaseekerandonewhohasfoundwhattheseekerislookingfor.Eachtimeyoureadit,youwillunderstanditatadeeperlevel.Sadhguru'slifestoryisinthesepages.Infact,severalofhislifestoriesarehere.Hiswisdomisalsohere.Andeven,Ithink,hisloveishere.

Namaste,PatMacEnulty

Author'sNote:PatMacEnultyhasaPhDincreativewritingfromFloridaStateUniversity.Sheistherecipientofseveralawardsforscreenplaysandfictionwriting.Sheistheauthoroffourbooks,numerousshortstories,essays,poems,andplays.Pathasalsowrittenseveralplaysforyoungpeople,includingPuckandthe

MushyGushyLovePotion,whichhasbeenpublishedbyHeuerPublications.Currently,Patisworkingonanothernovelandisadaptingoneofherbooksforfilm.Sheisalsoateacher,workshopleader,writingcoach,andfreelanceeditor.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Myheartfeltgratitudetoallofmyfriendsandfellowtravelers(bothnamedandunnamed)whohavetouchedthisbookinmanydifferentways:Sadhguru,who is beyond all that I can say. The many ways he has changed andexpandedmylifeandiscontinuingtodosoisthegreatestofanyandallgifts.David Cochran, my co-creator in life and love, whose patience, support,

andenthusiasmhavehelpedmecrossmanyspeedbumps.Myson,wholovinglysacrificedspendingtimewithme.SwamiNisarga,sannyasin,whotouchedthisbookinmanyessentialways.Rusty Fischer and Beth Bassett, editors, who helped turn an amazing

experienceintoabook.PatMacEnulty,editor,whoseassistancewasinvaluableandwhoisnowon

thisjourneywithme.Siobhan Donnelly, Gail Burns, Bobby, Swami Shailash, and Mike

Snodgrass, whose enthusiasm, friendship, and tireless assistance in manydifferentwayswaspriceless.GingerPrice,NewLeafDistributingCompany,whoearlyrecognizedwhat

wehavehereandwasinstrumentalinhelpingtomakeithappen.Raleigh Pinskey,who is awonderful storehouse of PR knowledge and a

pleasuretoworkwith.BobFriedmanandallofourotherfriendsatHamptonRoadsPublishing.

INTRODUCTION

ThereisaForcewithin

ThatgivesyoulifeSeekthat—Rumi

Imetthemysticandself-realizedYogiSadhguruJaggiVasudevaftermany

yearsoffruitlesssearching.ItwasafterIhadhungupthesearchandvowedtolivemy lifeasbest Icouldwithout thedeep inner realizationandserenity Isoughtthathecameintomylifeandchangedit.In this man many people worldwide have seen someone beyond our

imaginations.Heisabeingwhoisintenselyaliveineverypossibleway—ineveryhumanwayand inevery spiritualway.Whatever Ihad thoughtbeinghumanmeant,heismorethanthat,andwhateverIhadimaginedbeingagurumeant,heisalsomorethanthat.Before I met Sadhguru, my quest for understanding took me to many

different teachers on many different paths. I attended dozens of spiritualretreats, read many books on spirituality and philosophy, and traveled tospiritualplacesallover theworld, including India,Nepal,Tibet,andBrazil.Still,aftermanyyearsoftrying,Ihadn'tgottenanyclosertotheanswersIwasseeking. I felt I'd actually come up empty-handed despite my considerablepersistenceandtheintensityofmydesire.This isnot tosaythat thepathsI triedwerenotworthwhile; theyjustdid

notsatisfyme.IdidnothavetheconfidencethattheyweregoingtotakemewhereIwantedtogo.So,aftermorethanthirtyyearsofsearchingthatonlyresultedindisappointment,Iwasatalossforwhattodonext.Makingthismorefrustratingandconfusingwasthefactthatby“American

dream”standardsitlookedasifIhadreallysucceededinlife.I'dcreatedalifeabundantand rich inexperiencesandaccumulation. Ihad love inmy life, awonderfulfamily,plentyoffriends,myownbusiness,andlotsoffreetime.I

havealakehouseinthemountains;IcangotothebeachwheneverI like.Ihavealovingandrespectfulpartnershipoftwenty-sixyears,andevenafterallthis timepeoplesay thatheandIstill lightupwhenweseeeachother.MysonandIareveryclose.YoucouldsayIhavethewholepackage:greatguy,wonderfulson,cutedogs,andbeautifulscenery.Andyet,therewasnodenyingthatIlongedforsomethingelse.Iachedfor

it—abigger understanding, a bigger experience of life, a bigger indefinablesomething. People deal with this kind of dissatisfaction in many differentways, running the gamut from distraction to destruction. They drink, takedrugs,haveaffairs,becomeobsessedwiththeirwork,orexerciselikecrazy.Itried to suffocatemyown longing through comfort andkeepingbusy.EventhoughIknewinmygutthatwhatIwaslookingforIwouldonlyfindwithinmyself,Ikepthopingthatsomekindoffulfillmentwouldcomewiththenextaccomplishment. Ultimately, the quest for success began to look like anendless series of goals, and I was getting bored chasing one goal after theother.Inotonlygotbored,Ialsofeltguilty thateventhoughIhadeverythingI

wanted,Iwasnevercompletelysatisfied.Wasthisreallyalltherewastolife?Inadditiontohavinganundercurrentofrestlessnessanddissatisfaction,my

abundant life had come at a cost: chronic stress, fatigue, hyperthyroidism,insomnia,andtheaccompanyingprescriptiondrugs.I began asking myself, How is it that I could create a beautiful life for

myselfontheoutside,yetinnerpeace,unconditionallove,andself-knowledgeremained so elusive? I've always been a positive, make-it-happen kind ofperson.I'veneverblamedGodortheuniverseforanythinginmylife.ButIbeganwonderingifitwasevenpossibleformetocontrolmylifeanddestinyinamuchbiggerway.Isitactuallypossibleforanordinaryhumantobecomecompletely free of ignorance and to gain inner realization, love, and self-mastery?Ispermanentinnerblisspossibleforaperson?ThisbookisthestoryofhowIcametospendtimewiththeIndianmystic

andyogamaster,Sadhguru,andhowIdiscovered,inthecourseofexploringthe subjects of life, death, and destinywith him, that real and lasting innertransformation was not only possible for me but was becoming a livingreality.Severalyearsafterheinitiallycameintomylife,Sadhgurustayedwithmeforaweekatmyhomeinthemountains.Inthisbook,you'lljoinmeonanextraordinaryjourneywithhim.WhileI

havechangedmanyofthenamesoftheparticipantsinthisstory,thewordsofSadhguruandhisamazingstoriesare truth inallmeaningsof theword.But

first,webrieflytravelthewindingroadthatledmetohim—orperhapsmoreaccurately—thatledhimtome.

CHAPTERONE

TheSeeking:AnAmericanStory

IhaveclimbedthehighestmountainsIhaverunthroughthefields...Ihaverun,IhavecrawledIhavescaledthesecitywalls

OnlytobewithyouButIstillhaven'tfoundWhatI'mlookingfor.—Bono/U2,1987

FromasearlyasIcanremember,Ihavebeenaseeker.Ididnotknowitatthetime.ImerelythoughtIwascurious.Asachild,I

could not stand not knowing the answers to what I thought were the mostbasicquestions:Wheredidwecomefrom?Whyarewehere?Howdidatreecomeoutofaseedandaseedcomeoutofthetree?Howdidsomethingcomeoutofnothing?Laterthequestionsdeepened.Whathappensafterwedie?Isthere a God or a creator? What is the essential nature of my existence? Ipassionatelywantedtounravelalllife'ssecrets.While religion and science offered explanations to most of the big

questions, Iwasnever comfortedby these answers. I couldnever stifle thatquestioningvoicethatwaslongingtoknowmore.I was raised in Lexington,Massachusetts, a beautiful historic town with

gorgeouscolonialarchitectureandwherethehousesweresetbackoffoftheroad on big, expansive, luscious, green lawns. It's an affluent town withaffluentkidsandaprogressive,award-winningschoolsystem.Myfatherwasa successful entrepreneur and businessman; my mother was a homemaker.TheLexingtonschoolswereratedamongthetopinthestate,whichisoneofthemajorreasonsmyfathermovedusthere.Ifyoudidnotwanttosendyourkids away to private boarding schools, then you lived in Lexington.Many

Harvard professors, scientists, engineers, and doctors live there. It is apicturesquehistoricalNewEnglandtown,niceandsafe.My first experience with death camewhen I was in first grade (prior to

movingtoLexington,whenwelivedinMalden,Massachusetts).Irememberthatithappenedonebeautiful,warm,sunnydayinthespringtimeandthattheidyllicmoodofanewbeginningafter the longwinterwas interruptedwhentheprincipaloftheschoolcameintoourroom.Hegravelyannouncedthatagirlinmyclasshaddiedandwasnevercomingback.Ididn'tevenknowwhat“died”meant. I remember thinking,What does thatmean, shedied?Wherecouldshehavegone?Howcouldshehavejustgottensuckedoutofherelikethat?Howcouldshepossiblybegone forever?Thequestionsateatme.Noone, includingmy parents (whowere supposed to know everything), couldanswerthesequestionstomysatisfaction.Somehow,and Ihaveno ideahowsince itwaspretty far fromwherewe

livedandoutsideoftheareaIwasallowedtoexplore(Iwassupposedtostaywithintherangeofmymother'sveryembarrassingloudwhistle),Ifoundmyway to the dead girl's house. It was a traditional two-story, New England-style,white,clapboardsidinghousewithblackshuttersonalargecornerlot.Inoticed a blue Schwinn girl's bicyclewith a basket on the front leaning upagainst the house and I wondered if it was hers. Both of her parents werehome, which surprised me because my dad would never have been homeduringtheday.Theywereequallysurprisedtoseeme,buttheywelcomedmeintothehouse.Afterafewminutesofconversation,theyshowedmeintoherbedroom.It'sastrangefeelingtogointotheroomofadeadperson.Herroomwas painted white and had a pink bedspread andmatching pink and whitefrillycurtains.I lookedaroundathertoys,dolls,games,andstuffedanimalsneatlyplacedontheshelves.Therewerealsoseveralstuffedanimalsanddollslyingagainst thepillowsonherbed.Herclosetdoorwasopenasifshehadjustpulledoutherdressforschool.As we stood there, I asked her parents every question I could think of.

Surelytheycouldoffermesomeanswersaboutwhathadhappenedtoherandwhereshehadgone.Theywereherparents,afterall.Idon'tevenrememberthespecificquestionsIaskedorhowtheyresponded.Idothatremembertheywerekindtomeandseemedhappytohavemethere.Butthehousefeltlikesomething hugewasmissing. It was as if there was a big black hole in it.When I tried to leave, I felt an invisible tug from her parents. They keptcomingupwithexcusesformetostay,offeringmesomethingtoeatordrinkandasking if Iwanted towatch television. I felt sosadfor them,but itwas

startingtogetdarkandIwasabouttobeinbigtroubleifIdidn'tgethome.Ihadnotfoundanyanswersthere,onlyenormousemptiness,loss,andgrief.ThenexttimeIencountereddeathIwastenyearsold.Mygrandfatherdied.

Mygrandparentslivednearus,andbecausemymissioninlifeatthetimewassolely tohavefunandadventures, Ialwayssnuckbyorcompletelyavoidedtheirhouseasmygrandfatheralwayshadanendlesslistoferrandsformetodo.Thenhedied. I felt terrible thinkingabout all the times Imissed seeinghim.Evenatten,IrememberthinkingthatIdidnotwanttolivemylifeinaway that I would be sorry for something I had or had not done. Thetemporary,everchangingnatureofthingswasbeginningtosinkin.These experiences fueled and intensified my curiosity. I often wondered

aboutdeath.Itdidnotmakememorbidordepressed;itjustkeptmecuriousandedgy.AsIaged,I readvoraciously.I readphilosophy,spirituality,religion,and

anythingthatofferedexplanationsaboutwhathappenswhenwedie.Findinganswerstolife'squestionsalsobecameentwinedwithwantingtoknowhowtobecomemorethanjustanordinaryperson.Surelytherewasmoretolifethantobeborn,growup,work,eat,sleep,makesomemoney,andthendie.Inmyreadings,Ifoundexamplesofpeoplewhoweremuchmorethantherestofus.IreadaboutwhatJesus,Buddha,andConfuciushadtosay.AndIdidnotstopthere. I also read about the occult, parapsychology, and witchcraft. I readanything that offered explanations beyond the scientific. I got extremelyinterestedinwhatallthedifferentmastersfromallthedifferenttraditionshadto say. Iwanted toknowwhat theyknewandhow they came toknow it. Iwantedtoknowhowtheybecamemasters.Weretheyborndifferentfromme?AllthelivingpeopleIencounteredwhenIwasyoung,eitherthroughbooks

or inperson,weresimplypassingonwhat theyhadbeen taughtorheardorreadratherthanwhattheyhadexperiencedforthemselves.Aftermanyyearsofsearching,IbegantofearthatIwoulddiewithoutknowingthetruth.Thiswas all themore frustrating because I had been told I had a goodmind. InschoolIwasplacedinaprogramforgiftedkids.ItdrovemenutsthatIwassupposedtobesmartbutthatIstillcouldnotfindtheanswersformyself.At the same time, I harbored a slim hope that I would findmy answers

when Idied.Maybeyouhave todie toknow.Butwait, I thought.Perhaps,andevenworse,youcoulddieandstillnotknow.Ikeptwondering,Whycan'tIknowwhileIamalive?JesusandBuddhadefinitelyseemedtoknow.Andyet, they lived so long ago. It seemed everyone who knew anything wasalreadydead—andtheywerenottalking.

Then, strangely, when I was fifteen and home with the flu, a book justshoweduponmyfrontporchwithaone-pagenotethatread,“ForCheryl.”Ihadnevergonetothebookstorelookingforthatbook;Ididn'tevenknowitexisted.But,suddenly,poof!Thereitwas,magicallyatmydoorstep.Ineverdidfindoutwholeftitthere,butIamveryhappytheydid.ThisbookwasdifferentfromanythingelseIeverread.Itwasaboutyogis

fromtheEastandthepathofyogaandwherethisyogacouldtakeapersontoreach their full human potential. This was totally new to me. I hadencounteredHathaYogabefore,andit just lookedlikeaseriesofstretchingexercisesthatweresupposedtobegoodforkeepingyourbodyflexible.Thisbook,however,toldaboutamysticfromIndiaandhowyogahadtransformedhim and some others into highly evolved, self-realized human beings.Withthe exception of the ancientmasters likeBuddha and Jesus,whowere longagodeceased,Ihadneverheardofanythinglikethatbefore.The book was The Autobiography of a Yogi by the Indian mystic

Paramahansa Yogananda. Thanks to Yogananda, I found a name for thefreedom I had been seeking: self-realization. Self-realization, which is alsocalled enlightenment, was explained as the knowledge of one's true selfbeyondallillusion.Itsoundedasifwewereallcollectivelysufferingfromadistortedviewofrealityinwhichwethoughtwewereseparatefromeveryoneandeverythingelse,whenwewerereallyalloneenergy.Einsteinalsosaidafewthingsthatrelatedto thisconcept.Hesaid,“Ahumanbeingispartofawhole,calledbyusuniverse,apartlimitedintimeandspace.Heexperienceshimself, his thoughts, and feelings as something separated from the rest, akindofopticaldelusionofhisconsciousness.Thisdelusionisakindofprisonforus,restrictingustoourpersonaldesiresandtoaffectionforafewpersonsnearest tous.Our taskmustbe to freeourselves from thisprison . . . .”Healso said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”According to Yogananda, we can come out of this illusion and know,understand,andexperiencelifeinacompletelydifferentway.Itisdescribedas a knowing that comes only through experience, rather than intellectualunderstanding, and it is felt in every cell of the body.Yogananda describesself-realization as the dissolution of the sense of a self as a separate egopersonalityintoablissful,ecstatic,boundlessonenessthatisfreefromdeath.InstantlyIknewthisiswhatIhadbeenlookingfor!Besideshelpingmetonametheobjectofmyquest,thisbookalsogaveme

thehopethatself-realizationcouldbeattainedbyordinarypeoplelikeme.ItmademebelievethatIcouldactuallyandexperientiallyknowlifeoutsideof

the prison of my small, separate identity. Yoga is a way to go from beinglimitedtounlimited,theultimatequest.WhatIwaslongingtoknow,Icouldknow.Igotsoexcited!There was (of course) one major drawback. Yoga works best under the

guidance of a guru. Yogananda glowingly describes a guru as a spiritualteacherwho isacompletely freebeingno longerboundby the illusionofaseparate self, a being with access to other dimensions and a biggerunderstanding of life. A guru is said to be a dispeller of darkness and aremoverofobstacles,someoneabletohelpothersoutoftheignoranceoftheirseparateidentities.IimmediatelythoughtthatthingswouldgomucheasierifIcouldbewithsuchaspiritualteacher,andIwonderedifIwouldeverfindaguru.Yoganandamakes it clear that themost important thing that happened to

himwasthathehadtheincrediblegoodfortuneoffindinghisguru.AsIreadfurther, Igotconcerned.This relationshipbetweenaguruandadiscipledidnot sound like anything I was capable of. Yogananda's guru sounded verydemanding.Self-realizationandinnerblisswasonlyfoundthroughdiscipline.Whyisthat,Iwondered.Whatdoesdisciplinehavetodowithfreedom?NowIwasinbigtrouble.Thisdidnotfitintomyideasatall.Iwantedthefreedomandbliss,butatfifteenandaswild,adventurous,and

undisciplined as Iwas, I didn'twant to do thework or be toldwhat to do.Besides that, the relationship sounded devotional, and that really made mesquirm. I was definitely not into bowing down and worshipping anotherhumanbeing.Thiswasthe1960s,anddidImentionthatIwassearching?Myquestforwisdomandfulfillmenttouchedeveryareaofmylife.Ispent

my teen years in a roaring overdrive of experimentation and exploration.Lexington is a twenty-minute drive fromHarvardUniversitywhere, duringthat time,TimothyLearyandRichardAlpert(wholaterbecameRamDass),were professors and initiating LSD experimentation. Itwas not long beforeLSDfounditswayintomysafehighschool.Lotsofusbeganexperimentingwith it. One of my closest friends in those days, Barry, had a sister whoattendedHarvard,andshebroughthimsomeLSDtotry.Hetrieditandlovedit.Although the nightly newsdelivered horror stories of people doing crazy

things on LSD, Barry told me it would take me to new levels ofunderstanding.So,Ijoinedhiminexperimentingwiththehallucinogen.

TherewasabigfieldnotfarfromwhereI livedwherea lotofkidsfrommyschoolheldparties.OurcarstereoswouldblastJimiHendrix,JanisJoplin,andJimMorrison.Itwastheperfectplacetotakean“acidtrip.”AssoonastheLSDhit,Inoticedthateverything—thegrass,thesky,thetrees—seemedtobealiveandteemingwithavibrantcosmicenergy.Everythingwasliving,loving, laughing, flying, crying, and dying all at the same time. What Iconsidered to beme expanded and exploded to include the universe. Itwasincredible. Bliss without discipline. Excellent, I thought. I was convinced IwasexperiencingsomeofwhatYoganandahaddescribedonlywithoutdoinganyofthework.Whatlucktohavediscoveredthis.Ashortcut!Untilwecrashed.

Ihadalwayssensedthattherewasapartofmethatseemedtobeobservingmy life as I lived it. During an LSD trip, I would experience that part ofmyselfasifitwerethe“real”innerme.But,whenthedrugworeoff,sodidthe experience. Each time my friends and I would expand into this muchbigger consciousness and then have to return to this leaden reality. I couldretainnothing,notanywisdomanddefinitelynopermanentexpansionorlovefromtheexperience.Whatitdidleavemewithwasthefrustrationthattherereallywasmuchmore to life thanwhat Inormally experienced.Whywas Ionly able to have a temporary glimpse of oneness, unconditional love, andbliss?Thisleftmewithamuchdeeperthirstandlongingthanbefore.Backthen,whensomanypeopleweretryingtofigureoutthemeaningof

life,everythingseemedsorealandintense.Foraminutewewereinvincible.Weweregoingtochangetheworld!Thosewereheady,restless,andrecklesstimes full of a youthful longing to do something different andbetter.Therewaspeace, love, greatmusic, dancing, andprotesting in the streets—such awildlyjoyfultime,somanypeopleseeminglyawake,livinglifefulltilt,onallthetime.But,atthesametime,peopleweredyingallaroundus.As we stuck daisies in the soldiers’ rifles to protest for peace, the TV

showed other soldiers coming home in caskets. We saw firsthand thecasualtiesofVietnamonbothsides.Wewatchedhistorybeingmade.Andwe

were appalled. At home, our friends were dying of drug overdoses bothaccidental and on purpose. Young, vital people died in car andmotorcycleaccidents going so fast, literally and figuratively, taking crazy chances,thinkingtheycouldneverdie.Itwasallsuchaterriblewaste.Barrywasverysmartandalwayshadtobelearningsomething.Hisfather

wasaHarvardprofessor.Barrywas theonlypersonIknewwhowould justpickuptheencyclopediaandreaditforfun.Everysubjectseemedtointeresthim.Therewasalsoaveryrecklessside tohim,andIoftenwonderedwhatwasgoingtobecomeofhim.OnetimeheandanotherfriendnamedMike,whowerepurportedtohave

thehighestIQsofanyoneintheschool,werehavinganargumentaboutwhowasthesmarterone.TheyweresupposedtobewithinoneortwoIQpointsofeachother,andinthatgeekygroup,theythoughtthatwassomesortofabigdeal.Theybothturnedtomeandaskedmewhowasthesmarter.IhadknownMike foryears,butBarry,beingmyboyfriend, smugly figured that Iwouldsidewithhim.Ishockedhimbysaying,“Mike'sdefinitelysmarterthanyouare,Barry.”Barry, indisbelief, said, “What!Howcanyousay that?You reallyknow

me.YouknowhowsmartIam.IfanyoneknowshowsmartIam,youdo.”“Yes,” I answered, “and that'swhy I knowwithoutquestion thatMike is

smarter than you.Mike is going tomake something of himself, andwhat Iknowaboutyouisthatyouaremostlikelygoingtocrashandburn.”BarryandIstayedfriendsafterwelatersplitup,oftentalkingonthephone,

andhewrote tomewhen Iwas at college.But I later kept a distance fromhim. Ino longerwantedanything todowithdrugs. I knew that if I didnotchangemylife,Iwasgoingtoself-destruct.Idon'tknowwhathappenedtoMike,butBarrywasfounddeadofadrug

overdosewhen hewas twenty-five.His sister had committed suicide a fewyears earlier. When I heard the news of Barry's sister I felt sick to mystomach.IwassosorryforherandveryconcernedabouthowthiswasgoingtoaffectBarry.WhenBarrydied,IjustwishedIorsomeonecouldhavedonesomething.Ihadsohopedhewasgoingtopullhimselfoutofthepathhewason. The drugs that had started out as fun turned deadly. Both of them hadseeminglyperfect,giftedlivesandwastedthematsuchyoungages.Myheartjustbrokefortheirparentslosingtwooftheirchildren.Itwasinconceivabletomehowtheycouldbearsuchatragicandunnecessaryloss.BythetimeBarrydied,Iwasalreadyamotherofathree-year-oldandIcouldnotimaginehow

Barry'smotherwasgoingtosurvivelosingherchildren.These experienceswith death inmy youth, startingwith the little girl in

grade school,who I didn't really know at that time, and then extending outintomycircleoffriends,fueledmyquestforunderstandingandcausedmetonever deny or pretend that death would not eventually overtake me andeveryone I loved.Themagnitudeand inevitabilityofdeathwasoften inmythoughtsandkeptmysearchingalive.Asagenerationwehadnoone,really,toguideus.Wedidnottrustanyone

whowaspartoftheestablishmentorevenovertheageofthirty.Ithinkthatthe same youthful energy that was so scattered and uncontrolled back thencouldhave led todeepand lasting transformation,bothwithinusand in theworld,ifwehadtherightleadershipandguidancetohelpchannelthatenergyinaconstructiveway.Right before I readAutobiography of a Yogi, I also became interested in

meditation,asincompatibleasthisseemswithallthewildnessofmylifebackthen.Iwasnotlookingatmeditationasadiscipline;Iwaslookingatitasfun.Attheageoffifteen,IstartedmyformalstudyofmeditationandmindcontrolwithaspiritualteachernamedMargie,whowassomewhatofalocalcelebrityintheBostonarea,givingspiritualitytalksontheradio.ImetMargiethroughmy father. She and the wife of one of his business associates taught ameditation/mindcontrolclass.Margiewasaboutforty-fiveyearsoldandhadbeenadevoutCatholicfor

years.AbouttenyearsbeforeImether,shehadbecomedisillusionedwiththechurch and began to study with many different teachers from differenttraditions.Shewassmart,serene,andlotsoffun.Eventhoughshewasmucholderandwiser,shealsoseemedtostaypartteenager.Therewassomethingaboutherthatmadeeveryonewhocameintocontactwithherfeelgood.Shelived inConcord,Massachusettsona fiveacreestate.Herhousewasacute,little,yellow formercaretaker's cottage set inawoodedareaquiteadistancefromthemainhouse.Tome,theplacewasenchanting,andinmyyoungmindknowingMargiewaslikehavingafairygodmother.Shewasinterestedinallthe Eastern religions as well as in parapsychology, mind control, and thedevelopmentofpsychicabilities.Itwasclearafterspendingtimewithherthatshewassomewhatclairvoyant.ShesometimesseemedtoknowthingsbeforeI told her, often answering the phone with the answer to a question orcommentIhadnotyetasked.Itwasreallyamazing.NooneelseIknewwaslikethatandbeforeImether,Ididnotbelieveanysuchthingwaspossible.One time she and I were planning on going to the ballet, but a friend

showed up at my house from out of state. He had traveled all day just tosurprisemeandwasonlygoingtobeintownforthatoneevening.Itoldhimthat,unfortunately,IalreadyhadplansforthatnightandifIcouldnotreachMargietocancel,Iwouldnotbeabletogoanywherewithhim.ItriedtocallMargiethreetimesinarow,andattheendofthethirdcall,

withmyfingeronthebuttonandthereceiverstillinmyhandItoldhimIwassorry;Ihadtogoto theballet.At thatverymoment, thephonerang.ItwasMargie.Herfirstwordswere,“SorryIwasn'tathometogetyourcall.Idon'twanttogoeither.”Itshockedus!Thiskindofstuffoftenhappenedwithher,though,andafterawhileitseemednormal.Margiealsotaughtmeaboutreincarnation,whichfascinatedme.Ihadonly

heardofitbeforeintheprimitivecontextpresentedinmyelementaryschool,andIthoughtithadsomethingtodowithbeingrebornasacoworsomeotheranimal.Margiegavemeacoupleofbookstoreadaboutreincarnation.WhatIreadandwhatMargiesaidmademuchmoresensethantheotherexplanationsofwhathappensafterdeaththatI'dheardupuntilthen.Shesaidthislifewasaprogression and that a human birth was a big opportunity to know youroriginal god nature. This fascinated me. But again, while reincarnationsatisfiedmycuriositymorethanotherexplanations,itremainedtheoreticalasIobviouslyhadnoexperiencestobackitup.Thiswonderfulteacherwasnotonlyinstrumentalinintroducingmetothe

studyofmeditation;shealsointroducedmetomyfirsthusband,Ted,whenIwasseventeen.Margietaughtameditationclassinthelocalprison,whereTedwasoneof

herstudents.Hewasinjailformanslaughter.Atagesixteen,he'dhadafightwith a boy who tragically died as a result.Margie adored Ted. She talkedabouthowwiseandkindhewas,andshewantedmetomeethim.Areyoukidding?Ithought.WhywouldIwanttomeethim?Thelastthing

Iwantedtodowastomeetanyoneinaprison,andIalsodidnotwantMargie“fixingmeup”withanyone—eventhoughshedeniedthatithadanythingtodowiththat.Shekepttalkingabouthim,however,andoccasionallyshewouldbringme

totheprisonwithher.Eventually,Imethim.Tedwasnineteenwhenwemet,andsoontobeeligibleforparole.Despite

thefact thatTedwas incarcerated,he lived likeayogi.Hehadhisowncelland spentmostofhis time reading,meditating, fasting, anddoingyoga.Hewasquiteshiningandbeautifulatthetime,andheseemedmuchdeeperthan

anyone I'd ever met—with perhaps the exception of Margie. His spiritualthirstwas so strong thatmy own spiritual thirst very naturally bondedwithhis.NotoneoftheotherboysIknewhadanyinterestinspirituality.Wefellinloveandplannedtobetogetherassoonasitwaspossible.ItseemedthatIwasheadedintoblissafterall.Whenhewasgrantedhisparole,weimmediatelyplannedtogetmarried.I

wasnineteen.Iwasfullyconsciousofwhataterribledecisionthislookedlikeonmypartandofalltheconsequencesofsuchadecision,butIfeltstronglythatifmyspiritualthirstwasgenuine,Ihadtogointhatdirection.Myfatherhadmoved us to Lexington to ensure that I would have the best educationpossible and all the “right opportunities.” Even thoughmany of the girls Igrew up with blatantly spoke of money, success, and status, and marrying“right,”Ihadnosuchintentions.Iwasnotreallyinterestedinmarriage,abigwedding,oranyofthetrimmings.Iwasonlyinterestedinlove.Iwasflyinghighandknewinmyheart thatTedandIwouldlastforeverinourspiritualbliss.However,myengagementdroveahugewedgebetweenmyfamilyandme,

andespeciallybetweenmyfatherandme.Myfatherhadendlessdiscussionswith me about what an enormous mistake I was about to make. Once hefinally realized that nomatterwhat he did or said he could not changemymindorcontrolmyactions,hegotsoexasperatedthathenotonlyrefusedtoattendthewedding,healsoquitspeakingtome.Hemadeitabundantlyclearthathedidnotwanttohaveanythingtodowithme.Foratime,Iwasdeadtohim.This was a huge loss tome because I was crazy aboutmy father, and I

knew thatheadoredme.Until thenhehadalwaysbeenmybiggest fanandsupportedeverythingIdid.Hewasveryhard-working.Hewouldoftenleavefor work before dawn and not return until after dark, yet he was attentiveenoughofme tonoticewhat Iwasup toand that Iwas readingall sortsofthings that were out of the mainstream, things about meditation andspirituality.That's the reasonhe toldmeaboutMargie'smeditationclass. Infact, when I said I'd take the class if he would, he agreed and we took ittogether.Henotonlyintroducedmetomyfirstspiritualteacher,hesharedintheexperiencewithme.Ratherthanfrownonitassomethingweird,hewaswillingtotakethetimetoexploreitwithme.Ihopedthat,intime,myfatherwouldsoftentowardmeandeventuallyget

toknowTed(whichheeventuallydid).Iknewhewasonlyconcernedaboutmywell-beingandhewasdoingallhecoulddotoinfluenceme.Eventhough

Iknew this, itweighedheavilyonmebecause the last thing Iwanted todowascausemyfatheranysuffering.Asforme,IdidnotcareaboutTed'spast.Icaredonlyaboutwhohewas

when Imet him. Spiritual growthwasmore important tome than anythingelseinmylife,andIthoughtthisrelationshipwasmeanttobe.Ithoughtwewouldbeonaspiritualpathtogether.IknewIhadfoundmysoul-mate.Foratime,Icontinuedtobelievethis.Butthingschange.WemovedtotheMidwest,whereTedwasparoledand

where his parents lived. Ted found a job doing skilledmachine work. Thehourswere long, and the townwherewe livedwas dreary and cold. I wasawayfromfriendsandfamily,butTedandIwereveryclose,soIwashappyeventhoughIdidnotlikewherewelived.AyearlaterIfoundajobforhimwith friends of mine in sunny Florida. Ted was able to get his paroletransferred,sowemoved.Ireallywantedustolivesomewherebeautifulandwarm.Tedhadsomehowmanagedtocreateaspiritualcocoonofsortsforhimself

insideaveryharshenvironmentwhenhewasinprisonandhadalotoftimetoworkonhimself.Butwhenhegotout,thedistractionsofbeingoutsideintherealworldandtryingtoearnalivingcreatednewchallengesforhim.Hewasextremelyresponsibleandwasobviouslycapableofgreatdiscipline,butwithworkingtwelvetofourteenhourdays,themeditation,fasting,andyogahehadbeendoingbecamea thingof thepast.Theradiance,peaceofmind,and sense of humor that had been present in him before was no longer asaccessible.Tedwasalsoatalentedmusicianwithanamazingvoice.Musicseemedto

easilytransporthimtohiseasy-goingself,buthisoverallday-to-daylifewasnotlivedwithasenseofease.WhatIdidn'tappreciatefullyatthetimewashowtraumaticitistospend

fouryearsinprison.Ittakestimeforpeopletorecover.Iwaswideopen,anopenbook;Tedwasamuchmoreprivateperson,whichoftenputusatodds.Wewereverydifferentfromeachother,muchmoredifferentthanIrealized.Somehow,probablybecauseofthewholesoul-matefantasy,Iexpectedustoexperiencethingsthesameway.ThewayIwasmadeTeduncomfortable,andthewayhewasleftmefeelingsuffocated.Thingsbecamesouneasybetweenusthatwecouldnotevendosomethingsimpletogether, likegotoamovie,andhaveitgosmoothly.Littlebylittlewelostourintimacyandoursenseoffun. We became just another mundane, at odds, unhappy couple. I washeartbrokenaboutwhatwashappeningtous,butIstillhopedwecouldfixit.

What had been beautiful, thrilling, andmiraculous such a short time earliercompletelyunraveled.Likeeveryother“high”Ihadexperienced inmy life,thisonealsoleft.Thenattwenty-two,Igavebirthtomyson,Chris.TedandIwerebothso

ecstatic aboutChris.Wewere flying!Theblisswasback! Ibarely slept forweeks. It was such a miracle, nothing could bring us down. For a time itseemedtomaskthedifficultieswewerehavinginthemarriage.Aboutayearlater, Ted had some opportunities to do something with his music and wemovedtoAtlanta.Shortlyafterwemoved,likeatapeonfastforward,themarriagecametoa

crashinghalt.OutofwhatIthoughtwastheblue,Tedaskedforadivorce.Ishouldhaveseenitcoming,butnot thatmanypeopledivorcedbackthen.Itwaslikebeinghitinthestomach.Ittookmybreathaway.Ihadnoideathatonceweweremarriedandhadachild,changingourmindswasanoption.Ithought we had married for life and that the marriage, though rocky, wassomethingwewouldworkon.WhenIlookatitnow,Iknowthatneitheroneof uswas happy in the relationship, but it just never occurred tome that itwould not become good again. At that point, I was totally involved andfocusedonbeingagoodmother.Myconcernaboutthemarriagehadtakenabackseat.Ididnot realize itat the time,but Idon'tquit things. Inowhavehad the

samebusinesspartner(whoisalsomyverygoodfriend)fortwenty-oneyears,my lawyer for eighteen years, and (thoughwe're not officiallymarried)mysecondhusbandformorethantwenty-fiveyears.Althoughthiscanbeagoodcharacteristic, it is not always the right decision. Sometimes, like the songsays,youhaveto“knowwhentofold'em.”Forthenextcoupleofyears,Iwouldnotletgoandwestruggledwiththe

relationship.Thedeeppassionwasgoneforbothofus,but Istillwanted tokeepthemarriagetogether.Ted,ontheotherhand,felthehadalreadymissedtheprimeofhislifeinprison,andnowhewasnothappyinthemarriage.Hesaidhedidnotwantto“waste”anymoreofhislife.Ouch!Thiswas not supposed to happen, I thought.Thiswas a relationship that

wasmeant tobe.After that, Ibecamequitecynicalaboutrelationships. Inolongerbelievedinsomejuvenileidealisticideaofsoul-matesorthatanythingwas“destinedtobe.”Again,theeverchanging,impermanentnatureoflifehadleftitsmarkonme.Getting divorced felt like getting ripped to shreds. I had never before

experienced such a personal loss. The other losses inmy life had certainly

shaken me, but this was deeper and much more personal. It made meunderstand in a very real way how all things eventually end. Even if yourmarriageworksoutwell,itdoesn'tgoonforever.Thephrase“tilldeathdouspart”pointsouttheinevitable.Later,whenIfoundloveagain,Ididn'tblowitout of proportion and burden it with soul-mate status.With anything that'simpermanent, and relationships are a prime example, whatever happens,howevergoodorbad,somedayit'sover.So,whatisitthat'sneverover?Istheresomethinginusthatdoesnotdie?

Lovewasn'tit,eventhoughIthoughtlovewasthebestthatlifehadtooffer.Yogananda says that you die a thousand deaths until you're liberated.Whateverthisliberationis,Iwantedit.Mypridewassobruisedbythefailureofmymarriagethatanentireyear

wentbybefore I toldmyparentsabout it.Whenmymotherwouldcall andask,“Sohow'sTed?”Iwouldsay,“He'sfine”asifnothinghadchanged.Tedand Iweremaintaining a friendship of sorts. I knew that hewas fine, so Iwasn'tlying.Iwasinnohurrytobreakthenewstomyparents.Nooneinmyfamilyhad

everdivorced,andIfeltahugeamountofembarrassmentoverthefailureofmymarriage,particularlybecauseofthestandI'dmade.Practicallyeveryonewhomattered tome, includingallmy friends (exceptMargie),hadopposedthemarriage.EvenBarrytriedtotalkmeoutofitandsaiditwouldnotbelikeIwasimaginingittobeandthatTedwouldbedifferentthanIexpected.ThewayIsawit,thedivorcewasthebiggestfailureofmylife.Even though they could easily have helpedme, I embarked on this next

phaseofmylifewithoutaskingmyparentsforanyhelpatall.TheylivedinanotherstateandIonlyspoke to themonceaweek. Iwouldneveradmit tothem that Iwas having a hard time.That part ofmy lifewas over, and forbetterorworse,mysurvivalandmyson'ssurvivalwasuptome.AlthoughIwasintremendouspainfromlosingnotonlytheloveofmylife

but alsomy sense of security, I did notwant to talk about it. I hated to bevulnerable.IdidnotwanttodiscussitatalluntilIhadmysenseofbalanceback. Iwas a problem-solver, a fixer; Iwasn't normally emotional, but thistimemyemotionshadmecompletelyhijacked.AtsomepointIthinkIboughtinto the idea that emotionswereweakness. I did not believe inwhining orcomplainingaboutlifewhenitisgoingwrong;youjustdothebestyoucantofixthingsandmoveon.Imainlylookedatlife'schallengesasspeedbumps,butthissituationwashugetome.OntheradioHelenReddywassinging,“Iamwoman,hearmeroar.”But

roaringwasnothappening forme. Iwasa singleparent,broke, and inwayover my head. I was not only completely on my own, I was also totallycluelessabouthowtobeagoodmotherandhowtomakemoney—letalonedothembothatthesametime!But,Ididhavemypride.When Iwas young andmyparentswere supportingme, I looked around

andsawthatevenpeoplewithmoneydidnotseemtobehappy,soIthoughtthatmoneywasnotimportantor—atleastveryoverrated.Ididnotknowhowyoung, immature,andevenarrogant that thinkingwasandhoweasy it is tothink thiswaywhensomeoneelse is takingcareofallyourmonetaryneeds(particularlyinquiteabeautifulstyle).Istillknowthatmoneyandhappinessareunrelated,butthelevelofsufferingcreatedwhenthebasicsoflifearen'tcovered . . . this was something I had no idea about. I realized just howimportant money was to me once I didn't have any. I had never beforeexperienced the fear of not having enoughmoney; never before had I beengrippedwithfearaboutanything—itcanbepracticallyparalyzing.Tedpaidhischildsupport,butitbarelymadeadentinourexpenses.Being

responsible for providing food and shelter forme and a baby overwhelmedme.WhenIwasmarried,Tedhandledit.Iworkedsome,butwhetherIdidornotdidnotreallymattertohim.Likemyfather,Tedtookontheresponsibilityformakingmoney.Ihadnocareerpath,notrainingofanysort,andreallyhadneverhadtoworkbefore.Ihadgonetocollegeonandoff,butIneversoughtadegree. I tookenoughcourses tograduate,but Inever founda field Iwasinterested in.Therewasnothing Iwanted tobe. I started inphilosophy,buttheyhadthesamequestionsIhad,andasfarasIwasconcerned,noanswers.I thought I was interested in psychology, but they did not seem to haveanswers either. So, I just took courses I was interested in, such as EasternreligionsandEnglish,withoutanyspecificgoals.NowIwasfacedwithmanyof thebaddecisionsI'dmade, likenotchoosingacareerpath.Whatkindofjobcould Iget?Again, it turnedout that Iwasnot so smart after all. Iwasdeterminedtobeindependent,butIwasalsoreallyworried.Inmanyways,Ithoughtmylifewasfinished.Iwasonlytwenty-five,but

thingshadbeguntolookhopeless.My friendsweredoingallkindsof funand interesting things.Theywere

travelingtheworld.Theywereskydiving,scubadivinginthetropics,skiingin Switzerland, taking cooking classes in Paris. They were traveling toEurope, India, andEgypt. Iwasworking two jobs:one thatdidnotpaymeanythingandoneIdidnotparticularlylike.And,asifthiswerenotenough,Iwas living inconstant fearofnothavingenoughmoneyandofgrowingold

alone.Isankintowhatwe'dnowcallaclinicaldepression.Iwokeupdepressed,

went to sleep depressed, and felt depressed throughout the day. I couldn'tshakeit.ItwasasifIwereenvelopedinathick,heavyfogthatpossessedme.Itsuffocatedme.Thedepressionwaslikealivingentity.Itwantedtolive,tosuckoutallmylifeenergy.Iquitesimplyhadnohopeforthefuture.I'dneverexperienced anything like this. I'd been a happy and fun-loving pleasureseeker,andnowmylifewasdevoidofanythingresemblinghappiness.It tookme a full year to climb out of this all-consuming depression and

becomehappyagain.OnceIhadfallenthatdeep,itwasverydifficulttoclimbout.When Idid findmywayout, I tookmystateofmindvery seriously. IknewIwouldnevergobackthere.Iwouldneverallowmyselftosinkintoastatelikethatagain.Itwascrystalcleartomethatmyhappinesswasmysoleresponsibility.Ididnotneedanyoneelsetomakemehappy;itwaswithinmeandmealone.IwasverycarefulafterthatwhereIwouldallowmythinkingtotakemeandwhatIwouldallowmythoughtstolandon.IalsoverystronglyfeltthatIneverwantedtogetmarriedagain.Ididnottrustmyjudgmentaboutmenanddidnotwantanymorechildren.SinceIwashappyagain, I feltnoneedtobeinarelationship.The first job I tookwasasanapartmentmanagerat thecomplexwhere I

lived,whichonlygavemeafreeapartmentandbarelyenoughmoneyforfoodand gasoline. It turned out that I was very good at getting the apartmentsrented,sotheownersstartedsendingmetotheirotherpropertiesthatwerenotrentingverywell.SomeoneIknewsaid,“Cheryl,youaresogoodatthis!Youwouldbegreatinrealestateandyouwouldmakealotmoremoney.”Ilikedgettingtheapartmentsleased.Itwasfuntomakesomethinghappen.

TheideaofdoingsomethingIenjoyedandmakingmoremoneyatthesametimesoundedgreat.Ilookedintoitanddecidedthatbecomingarealtorwasagoodideaforme.ItookajobasacocktailwaitresssoIcouldgotorealestateschoolduring

theday. Iwas really ready tomake somedecentmoney. Ididnotwantnothavingenoughmoneytobeanissue inmylife.AllIcould thinkaboutwasgettingmylicensesoIcouldsolvemymoneyproblemsandgetback to thelifestyle I was more comfortable with, one that I had so recklessly thrownaway.However,once Ididgetmy realestate license, Iwasworseoff. Inolongerhadaguaranteedpaycheck.WhenIdidmakeasale,itcouldbeweeksor months before it closed. If we had a crisis, such as a tire blowout oranythingoutoftheordinary,Ididn'thavethemoneyforit.OnetimeIhada

badcaseofthefluandmissedaweekofwork.Icouldn'tpaytheelectricbilland had to borrowmoney from a friend to keep the power on. I had neverbefore experienced how something you take so easily for granted couldcompletelydislocateyourlife.Ialsohadnoideahowdifficultitistotakecareofababy.Thedemandsof

providingforthetwoofusmeantIwasawayfromhimmorethaneitheroneofuswanted.Chriswouldoftengetmadatmebecausehedidn'tlikemebeinggone.Onetime,whenhewasonlyfouryearsold,hebangedhislittlefistonthedinnertableandexclaimed,“WhenIgotomyfriend'shouse,hismotheristhere.Sheisalwaysthere!Whereareyou?”Iwasaworking,singlemother.WhatcouldIsaytomakehimunderstand?Sometimeduring all this, good thingswere also happening. ImetDavid,

mycurrentbutunofficialhusband,andfellheadoverheels in loveagain, inspiteofmycynicismaboutthewholelovething.Itisstill,tothisday,oneofthebestthingsthateverhappenedtome.Beinginloveisgreatfun.Theinitialhighishugelyblissful.Youfeelinlovewiththeworld.Theinitialdrug-likeeuphoria,whilewonderful,alwayssettlesdown.Tohaveawonderful friendandcompanionthatyouadoreisahugegiftoflifethatIhavebeenfortunateenoughtoexperienceformanyyears.Isoongaveup thewaitress joband tookonapaperroutewith thenewly

formed newspaper calledUSA Today because it made pursuing real estateeasier.Myjobwas todeliverpapers into thenewspaperboxesaroundtown,anditpaidfairlywell.Icouldbefinishedworkinginabouttwohours,evenbeforemostpeoplewokeupinthemorning.ThisrequiredtakingChriswithmeon the route since it startedat four in themorning.Theonly time IhadseenthathourofthemorningbeforewaswhenIstayedupforit.Stayingupforitwasmucheasierandfunthangettingupatthathour.Ihatedthatalarmclock.Onedaywhenwewereoutdeliveringpapers,aguyinabeat-upcarstarted

to follow us. Concerned, I tried to figure out what to do. Where was theclosest police station?Where couldwe gowhere peoplewould be around?Chrispoppedawake.He saw the car and theguy, andhe lookedatme.Helooked again at the car and he looked back at me and said, “If somebodywantedtohurtus, is thereanythingatall thatyoucoulddoabout it?”Iwashavingthesamethought!Wegotluckyandacute,youngpolicemancametoourrescue.Even though thisparticular incident turnedoutall right, theresponsibility

of trying to keep my child safe and all the emotions accompanying that

responsibility I felt at amagnitude that I could never have imagined beforebecomingamother.ShortlyafterIgotmyrealestatelicense,Iinformedmyfriendsthatinthree

years,when Iwas eligible tobe abroker, Iwouldhavemyown real estatecompany. Thiswas a pretty bold claim since Iwas struggling just tomakeenoughmoneykeepmeandChrisclothed,fed,andcomfortableaswelivedfromcommissiontocommission.SoonafterImadethisstatement,a loanofficerdiscoveredmeandstarted

introducingmetohisbuilderclients.SuddenlyIhadmoreworkthanIcouldhandleand themoney flowed in! I liked theworkandputa lotof timeandenergy into it. Three years after I hadmy real estate license, to themonth,someoneelseintroducedmetosomeinvestors,andIstartedmyownbusiness.Approximately two years later, with the help of my current business

partner,Iboughtouttheguywhowasmyfirstmoneypartner.Ilatergotintohousebuildingandlanddevelopmentaswell.Forthemostpart,Ihavelivedaveryaffluentlife;butonethingaboutrealestateisthatitismarket-drivenandalittlebit likegamblinginLasVegas.Youcanmakea lotofmoney,but iftheeconomygoessouthoryoumakesomebaddecisions,youcanalsolosealotofmoney.Eventhoughthingshavegoneverywellformanyyears,ithasnever seemed absolutely stable, and I was often stressed out about mybusiness.Whilemakingmoney andgrowingmycareer, I alsowent aftermy inner

growth.Imovedalongthesetwoavenuessimultaneously: thebusiness,self-help,personalgrowtharena, and the spiritual arena.Bynow, Iwasactuallymorecomfortable in thebusinessfield. Ididn'tseemygrowthasabusinessperson as separate from the process of finding spiritual freedom. It wassomething I could apply and see the results of. Even the business bookauthors,suchasTonyRobbinsandNapoleonHill,oftenpointedtosomethingmuchbigger,somethinguntappedinsideofus.I also explored different types of yoga. I startedwith the lessons offered

fromYogananda's foundation through themail (which I sent off for shortlyafterIreadhisbook).Overtheyears,IfoundawidevarietyofotherlivingteachersasItookpart

inmany classes and retreats. In addition to yoga, I tried a variety of otherthings: Transcendental meditation, Zen meditation, Vippasaana meditation,and Tibetan Buddhism. Each of these paths had their own success storiesabout individuals who had found enlightenment, or at least transformation,throughtheirpractices.

Each practice interested me at first, but despite several years ofinvolvementwiththesevariouspaths,theyleftmefeelinghopeless.Forsomereason,IdidnotparticularlylikethepracticesandIwasnotabletotrustthatthey would really work for me. Small things were happening, but it justseemedtomethatevenifIdedicatedmyentirelifetooneormoreofthem,itwould take an eternity for something substantial to happen. I am extremelyresults-oriented, and even with a sufficient amount of time spent on thevariousmethods, I could not seemuchor enough transformation inmyself.This isnot tosay that thepathsI triedweren'tworthwhile; they justdidnotseemtobe“it”forme.Iknewthatmyexpectationswereextremelyhigh.Iwantedenlightenment.

Maybemyexpectationswereactuallytheproblem,butitwasimpossibleforme to set them aside. After all, Yogananda's book had convinced me thatreachingthepeakwaspossible,andIcouldn'trestuntilIclimbedtothetop.His book had made it sound like yoga was a very quick, direct path toenlightenment,soIneverlostinterestinyoga.Even though I was disappointed with my progress so far, my various

studieswerenotawaste.ThankstothemanyspiritualdisciplinesIpracticedover the years, I did find somemeasure of freedom. Emotionally, I stayedsteady and for themost part pretty upbeat. I learned to create a littlemorespace betweenmy thoughts and actions—actually betweenmy feelings andreactions. This is extremely important; without it, life can be a real rollercoasterride.AlongthewayIalsometavarietyofinterestingandbeautifulpeople.Imet

theDalaiLamaandevenhostedahighTibetanRinpocheandhisattendant,wholivedwithmyhusband,son,andmeforeightmonths.RezongRinpocheis highly revered in the Tibetan community.He spent nine years in silencewhile living in a cave during this lifetime. His inner light and depth ofunderstandingtrulyshinesbrightlyfromwithinhim.Whenhespokeataclassabout“emptinessbeingquitefull,actually,”Ifeltthathewasspeakingfromhisownexperience.Theentire time theBuddhists stayedwithus, theymeditatedandchanted

daily—alldayandlateintotheevening.Iwouldoftenwakeupatthreeorfouro'clockinthemorningandhearthemchanting.Although their liveswere fullofspiritualdiscipline, theywerenotoverly

serious, and there was constant laughter. The atmosphere of our homechangedwhile theywere there. It felt charged somehow. Although I lovedhavingtheircompany,andknowingthemenrichedmyjourney,theirpathsdid

notresonatewithmeasawaytotransformmyself.OtherteachersIencounteredincludedSwamiMuktanandaandRamDass.I

wenttoseeSwamiMuktanandaincollegewithseveralofmyfriends.Wehadheardthathewasanenlightenedbeingandthatpeopleoftenhadspontaneousexperiencesoftheirinnerkundalinirespondingtothespiritualmasterinawaythatcausedthemtochant,dance,orperformyogichandmovementsthatwerepreviouslyunknowntothem.MyfriendsandI,evertheskeptics,talkedaboutthatonthewaytoseetheSwami.Wedecidedthatunlesssomethinglikethathappenedtooneofus,wewouldkeepourdoubtsintact.SwamiMuktanandawasaglowingbeing,andmanypeopledidseemtorespondunusuallytohim.Theydancedandsang,andwerevisiblymovedbytheSwami,butforsomereason, I did not feel any connection to him. Iwas turned off to the entiresceneIfoundthere,thefreneticmovementandthecrying.Itwasnotforme.Inspiteofmythirstforspirituality,Ihavealwaysbeenextremelyaverseto

allspiritualsceneswherepeopleseemto losecontrol. Ialsostillharboredalotofjudgmentabout“masters”or“gurus.”Inmyimmaturity,Ireallythoughtdevotionwas for stupid peoplewhowere looking for someone to tell themwhattodo.NotonlywasIbotheredbyspiritualscenes,apartofmewasalsopretty mainstream. I was more comfortable with business people andintellectuals than with spiritual seekers and people in the New Agecommunity. Idefinitelydidnotwant tobe involved inanything that lookedlikeacult.Ialsomet theAmericanspiritual teacherRamDassandwent tomanyof

his talks and retreats. Ram Dass was easy for me to relate to. He was anintellectual and spoke in terms I could understand.Likeme,RamDass hadexperimented with LSD. During an early meeting with RamDass, I had aprofoundmysticalexperience (which Iwill talkabout later) that Icouldnotexplain.Becauseofthatparticularexperience,Iaskedhimifhewasmyguru.Iwasnotnecessarilylookingforaguru,butIthoughtperhapsmygurumighthavefoundme.ButRamDasssaidno,hewasinnowayaguru.HesaidthatwhenImetmyrealguru,Iwouldknowit.HehadspentafewyearsinIndiawithhisguru,NeemKaroliBaba.Hetoldmethatsometimeswhensomeone'sseeking is intense, things will happen through him. I came away feelingdisappointed. Yet, at the same time, I had even more confidence thatsomehowmyowninnerselfwouldguidemetofreedom.Overtime,Ialsometseveralotherpeoplewhoweresaidtobeenlightened.

Someofthepeoplewhodidappeartometohaveabrightinnerlightshiningfromwithinhad spent timearoundsomeonepurported tobeenlightened. In

otherwords,likeRamDass,theyhadhadalivingguru.I started to think that in order to experience real lifechanging inner

transformation,Ineededtobearoundanenlightened,self-realizedbeing—iftherereallywassuchabeing.EventhoughIconsideredmylifetobehappyandonsomelevelscomplete,

I continued to have a certain deep, disappointed wariness. Is this really allthereistolife?Iwondered.IknewthatwhatIwantedthemost,Istilldidn'thave.Butme,haveaguru?

WasitreallyaguruIwaslookingfor?Intellectually, I knew that evenwith somemeasure ofworldly success, I

still had no mastery over spiritual things. There was no denying that afterthirtyyears.What'sironicisthatI'veneverhesitatedtoconsultwithoraskanexpertfor

guidanceinmybusiness.Butwithexperts,you'reworkingwiththemonyourownterms.Ihadnoideawhat itmeant tohaveaguru;you'regettingintoarealmwhereyou'renotsureifit'sgoingtobeonyourtermsornot.Firstofall,would I even be able to recognize a true guru? Second, what if I am notcapableandunabletodowhatisneeded?What I didn't know then is that when you're truly sincere and ready for

help,youdevelopacertainreceptivity.Youbecomewillingtosetasideyourdoubtsandconcernsandtakealeapintotheunknown.Finally,onedayIbrokedown,setasidemypride,andaskedtheuniverse—

or the infinite or whatever I was calling “it” at the time—for help. I haveneverbeencomfortableaskingforanykindofhelp,sothiswasnotacasualrequest.Ithadcomeonlyafteralongstruggletofindtheobjectofmyquestonmyown.Iconcludedthatwithoutsomesortofextraordinaryhelp,nothingofa trulydeepandtransformationalnaturewasevergoingtohappentome.Faster than I could imagine the end of my life would arrive, and thisephemeralgigwouldbeup,onceandforallwithorwithouttheanswersIhadsearchedforsomanyyears.So,Igaveup.Itwasnotabigevent.Nolightningintheskyorthunderboltsfollowedmy

humblerequestforhelp.Butsomethingseemedtohaveclicked.Afterward,anunfamiliarpeacedescendeduponme.Althoughnothinghadchangedon theoutside, a certain serenity enteredme. Somehow I felt thatmy journeywasseriouslyunderwayatlast.Withinmonths,Ifoundmyselfplacedinfrontofapersonwhowouldprove

tobeasmysticalashewassimple.

CHAPTERTWO

TheFinding:EncounteringSadhguru

“Thislifeformeisanendeavortohelppeopleexperienceandexpresstheirdivinity.Mayyouknowtheblissofthedivine.”

—SadhguruOnedaynotlongago,anexuberantmanfromSouthIndiawastravelingin

thecountrynorthofVancouver,Canada.Seeingthathiscarneededgasoline,he stopped at the first station he came to, a rural one deep in theCanadianwoods.Hehad justgottenoutofhiscarandbegun to fillhis tankwhenhenoticedanoldNativeAmericanman leaningagainstanearbypick-up truckandlookingathimintently.Thetwomendidnotknoweachother,butsoontheoldermanslowlywalkedtowardthemanpumpinggas.Whenhewasnear,he said to theman fromIndia, “Thewinds toldusof

yourcoming,brother,”andhebowedrespectfully.

The mysterious and poetic words of the old Native American are not asurprisetothoseofuswhohavegottentoknowSadhguru.Tous,heseemsatonce to be very much a part of the day-to-day rhythms of life and yet socompletely beyond them; it's not surprising that even the wind would singwith news of his coming to those who are listening. I heard the story ofSadhguru's encounterwith theoldNativeAmerican frommy friendandhisassistant,Leela,longaftertheeventsIamwritingabouthere.Unlike the oldman, I first heard about Sadhguru in an entirelymundane

way.I was sitting at a gate in the Phoenix airport waiting for my connecting

flight to arrive on my way to a silent retreat being held in Santa Barbara,

California when I noticed a young man sitting in peaceful meditation,oblivious to the hustle that surrounded him. Since I rarely see peoplemeditating (especially in airports) and since Iwas heading for ameditationretreat myself, he stood out to me. Coincidently, on the leg back fromCalifornia,much tomy surprise, this same youngman came and sat downnext tome at the airportwhile Iwas againwaiting to boardmy plane.Wesoonstruckupaconversation.SinceIinstantlyrememberedhimasthemanIsawmeditating earlier, I asked him about it. He told me that he had beeninterestedinmeditationforyears.ThatledtometalkingaboutmymeditationexperienceattheretreatIhadjustbeenon.Hismeditationlookedlikeitwasworking;minewasn't.Unfortunately, my experience with solitude this time had not been

particularly good. Even after spending an entire week in silence I had notcome awaywith any feeling of peace.On the contrary, I feltmore agitatedthan when I arrived. I was even more painfully aware of all I failed tounderstand and of all the attachments and fears I had accumulated over theyears. I felt as if I was suffocating. Peace of mind did not seem remotelypossible forme.Wewerenotvery far intoa conversationwhenhe toldmeabouthisguru,Sadhguru.Sadhgurusoundedinterestingtome,evenintriguing.IwonderedwhyIhad

not heard of Sadhguru before.As the youngman repeated some things thisguruhadsaid,Ibecamesufficientlyinterestedinknowingmore.Whatreallystruckme,however,wasnot theyoungman'senthusiasm,buthowmuchhefeltthathehadchangedsincemeetingSadhguru.“Since meeting Sadhguru and practicing the yoga that he transmits and

teaches,Ihavedroppedmanyofthefearsandattachmentsthathavedoggedmy life since childhood,” he said. He went on to tell me that he hadperiodicallysufferedfrompanicattackssincechildhoodinadditiontofeelingloads of stress and anxiety. He also claimed that he suffered with chronicinsomnia. You would never know it to sit with him. He was so calm andcentered;helookedlikeanadvertisementforyogaandmeditation.IsattherethinkingthatIstillmustnotknowhowtomeditatebecauseitwasnotworkingevenafterallthistimeandeffort.WhenIvoicedthatthoughttohim,hetoldme that prior to meeting Sadhguru the same had been true for him, eventhoughhealsohadmeditatedforyears.Iwasnotusedtohearingsuchglowingaccountsof lastingbenefits.Sure,

small changes are common to people when they first meet a teacher ordiscover a new retreat, book, or philosophy.But, he claimed that only after

meeting Sadhguru and learning the practices that Sadhguru had taught himthat he underwent a significant life transformation. I wondered if it waspossible that this young man had actually found an authentic, living guru.Somethingseemedtobeworking.Hedefinitelyhadanunusuallypleasantandpeacefuldemeanor.Butmy skeptical side would not be so easily persuaded. To begin with,

therewaswaytoomuchreverenceinhisdescriptionofSadhgurutosuitme,and this leftme cold.There's nothing like an overabundance of devotion torankleme.Ontopofthat,hesaidthatSadhguruhadanorganizationofmorethan five hundred thousand volunteers worldwide, which made meuncomfortable just hearing about it. I personally have never liked groups.Withtheexceptionofafewprofessionalorganizations,Ihavealwaysavoidedjoininganything.Iparticularlydisliked“spiritualscenes.”Ievenwonderedifthishadtheflavorofacult.Healsomentionedvariousalteredstatesofenergythathappenedtopeople

around Sadhguru.Hewent so far as to say that Sadhguru often left peopledrunk and ecstatic for many days and that sometimes people have to becarried out of the meditation hall. This really sounded farfetched. In mytravels over the years I had seen some unusual things, but I had neverencountered anything quite like that, so my agnostic radar became fullyengaged.ThroughtheTibetansIhadmetthough,andbecauseIwasanavidreader, I had heard ofmany stories that sounded a bit far out about peoplebehaving strangely around so-called masters. And, I had seen for myselfpeoplebehavingveryunusuallyaroundSwamiMuktananda,butthissoundedabitmuch.Since I hadpersonallynever experienced any such thing, Iwasdoubtfulastothegenuinenessofthebehavior.Besides, therehavebeenmanyaccountsof exceptional teachers from the

East who have ended up being a disappointment tomany people, and theyhavecausedgurusingeneraltohaveabadstandinginthiscountry.We'veallheard in themedia about the fewwho'vemade spirituality into either a bigbusinessorwhohavecreatedscandalsofonesortoranother.Yet in spite of my skepticism, I was definitely curious since I had just

endedyet another spiritual retreatwithout feeling like Iwasdoinganythingwith myself. Still, I could not help but venture a question, “So howmanylimousinesdoesSadhguruown?”Theyoungmanwasspeechless.Helookedstunnedanddisappointed.Inthe

awkwardnessof themoment,Ifeltabitembarrassedatmyinsensitivity.HequicklyrecoveredandsuggestedIcheckoutSadhguruformyself.

On the basis of this one conversation, I figured that Sadhgurumust be atruly charismatic person, even thoughmy inner skeptic considered it highlyunlikely that he was an enlightened being. After all this time, part of medoubtediftherereallywassuchathingasenlightenment.As I said, Iwas very discouraged to have ended another spiritual retreat

withoutmakinganyprogress,anditwascontinuouslyandpainfullyobvioustome that despitemy effort and perseverance, I was not getting anywhereclosetowhereIwantedtobe.WhenIcouldgetpastmyownpride,IknewIwantedrealhelptoassistmeinmyspiritualjourney.Or,maybeitwasn'tthatIwantedhelp,but Iknewinmycore thatashardas Ihad tried, Ihadbeenunabletotransformmyself.IstillbelievedinamuchbiggerhumanpotentialthanIwasexperiencing,butIwascluelesshowtoexperienceitformyself.Even though I knew I was not getting anywhere on my own and that I

neededsomerealhelp,Istillwasalsofullofdoubtandonlyhalfbelievedthatsomeonewhocouldgiveme thatkindofhelp reallyexisted.Manyof thosewhoweresupposedtobesomethingspecial,Icouldnotrecognizeorrelateto,oriftheydidseemtohaveaninnerquality,theystilldidnothaveanyimpactonmylife.So,whybother?Howdoes the line in that songgo? “What ifGodwasoneof us?”Well,

whatif?IhadcometothepointwhereIhaddecidedthatevenifImetChristorBuddha,Iwouldprobablyeitherfailtorecognizetherealizationinthemorwoulddismisstherealizationandassumeitwasincapableofreachingme.Atthispoint,Ihadonequestion,really.Howcouldanenlightenedbeingsaidtohaveaccesstootherdimensionshelpmetobecomeself-realized?

Severalmonthswentby,andIgavelittle thought toSadhguru,althoughIdorememberhaving thepassingnotion that ifhereallywasaguru thathadanythingtodowithmeandmylife,hewouldfindme.Perhapshedid.Atanyrate,afewmonthslaterwhenIwasonlinebuying

ticketstoaDevaPremalconcertatthelocalUnitychurchinAtlanta,muchtomysurprise,Sadhguru'spicturepoppedupontheirwebsite.Hewasgoingtobe giving a talk at that Unity church, fifteen minutes from my home, thefollowing week.My natural curiosity was piqued, and I decided to go and

checkhimout.WhenIarrivedatthechurch,Ichosetosittowardthefrontoftheroom,but

offtothesidesoIcouldgetacloselookandstillbemoreofanobserverthanan engaged participant. As fate would have it, after I took my seat, somevolunteers went up on the stage and rearranged the setup, positioningSadhguru's chair directly in front of me. So much for my plans. This wasgoingtobeamuchcloserlookthanIhadintended.I went to this talk fully guarded, expecting Sadhguru to have plenty of

charm,butalsobelievingthathewouldhavenoeffectonme.Ihadlivedlongenough to insulate myself from being unduly influenced by a person'smagnetism,beitpersonalorprofessional.However,whenhewalkedintotheroomthatnight,hewasimmediatelyandancientlyfamiliartome.HehadanessencethatIknewandhavealwaysknown.IfeltIhadknownhimforever.In addition to my shock at recognizing him, something inside me wascompletelyrattled.He looked like theoriginalguru,ancient, timeless, serious,andalso,how

canIputthis,twinkly.Ontopofthat,hewasstrikinglybeautiful,turbanandall. Hewore a long, off-white, raw silk tunic; a beautiful silk, tapestrytypeshawl;asaffron-colored turban;andstylishbrown trekkingsandals.All thatwaseye-catching,buthiswasnotjustaphysicalbeauty.Therewasaspiritualradiance that permeated his being and filled the room. He had an innerstrengththatseemedtoblendsubtletywithtenderness,anditamelioratedthebrutal directness of his talk. I had come looking for amystic, and Iwasn'tdisappointed.Somehow I knew immediately, even before he spoke, that here was the

“something more” I had been looking for. I sensed that he knew what IwantedtoknowandthathewaswhatIwantedtobe.Iintuitivelyfeltthathecould leadme to “it.” There are people youmeet who are larger than life.Sadhgurumadethemseemsmall.In speaking, he was articulate, fun, funny, and flawlessly logical. The

answers to life'squestionspouredoutofhim.He talkedaboutmany things,from the mundane and practical aspects of life all the way to the deeperdimensions of existence. He explained how the yoga program he designed,called Isha Yoga, derived frommany centuries of yogic wisdom, could beused by anyone to attain wholeness, vitality, personal growth, and self-realization.Hespokeaboutfreedomandhowmanyormostofushavebecomehostage

toexternalsituations.Hesaid,“Theoneandonlyreasonthatyouareunhappy

isthatlifeisnothappeningthewayyouthinkitshouldithappen.Therearetwoaspects to this.One isyoucangoabout fixingyour life toconcurwithyourthoughts,oryoucaninstantlyhavetheabilitytoconsciouslycreatethekindofthoughtthatyouneed.Ifyourhappinessandyourwell-beingarenotsubject to anybody or anything, only then you are free.Otherwise,whetheryou are in prison or walking on the street, you are still a prisoner withinyourself.”Healsospokeaboutstress.Hesaidthatmanypeoplehaveacceptedstress

asawayoflifeandthatsomepeoplerefusetobelievethattheydonothavetohave it. He said, “One is not stressful because of what he is doing; one isstressful because he is a badmanager of himself. He doesn't know how tomanagehisownsystems.Thatiswhyheisstressful.“Everybodybelievestheirjobisstressful.Youaskthepresidentifhisjobis

stressful,youaskthetopexecutive,andheisalsostressful.Youasktheofficeboy,andhis job isalsostressful! Ibeg todiffer.Nojob isstressful.Only ifyou have no control over your own systems are you stressed. Your body,mind, chemistry, or your life energies are not happening theway youwantthemto.Noneofthemaretakinginstructionsfromyou.Ifonlyyourphysical,mental,chemical,andenergysystemstookinstructionsfromyou,wouldyouevercauseanykindofunpleasantnesswithinyourself?Youwouldbeblissfulevery moment of your life. Your life would not be at all enslaved to theexternalconditionsthataresubject toamilliondifferentforces.Atthesametime some are stressed, others are doing the same jobs joyfully. So, thequestionisnotatallaboutthework.Ifweweregoodmanagersofourselves,we would become happier as we grow older; instead, the opposite is true.Childrenareburstingforthwithhappiness,”hesaid,“butmostadultsbecomelessandlesshappy.”Thatnight,Sadhguruspokeplainlyaboutmanythingsthatseemedapparent

butthatIhadnotlookedatinthatparticularway.Justsittinginfrontofhim,therewasapull thatmademyspinesitupstraighter.Hiswordscut throughlayers of old, worn-out thinking that had been part of my mental state foryears.With each new insight,my desire formore increased.His logicwasflawlesstothepointthatitchangedmythinkingonthespot.But,itwasmorethanlogic.Istilldon'tknowwhyIimmediatelytrustedSadhguru,butafterhewalkedintotheroom,mysuspicionsleftmeandIfeltcompletelyathomeandgratefultobethere.Atthesametime,afterhehadbeenspeakingonlyafewminutes, itwasas ifmymind stoppedand Idistinctly remember thinkingaloud,resounding“Uh-oh.”ThiswaswhatIhadbeenlookingfor.Ihadbeen

whining for years about wanting to be free, and now I hoped Imeant it. Iknewinthatmomentthatallmyself-imposedlimitationsandcomfortsweresuddenlyindanger.Ihadcomeintothepresenceofsomeonewhocouldshowmewhat real freedom is—not the kind of freedom that flaunts authority orhitchhikesortakesdrugsforkicks—butarealfreedomthatliberatesfromtheinsideout. I alsoknew thatunless Iwas seriousaboutwanting tobe free, Ishouldnotbehere.Hewasnotsomeonewhowouldjust looktheotherwaywhileIremainedaprisonertomyhabits,thoughts,andmisunderstandings—orwhateveritwasthatwasholdingmeback.Inhispalpablepresence,letalonethewordshespoke,IfoundSadhguruto

be sweet and threatening at the same time. Ever since Iwas old enough torealize thatmy seeking and restlessness had an inner, spiritual dimension, Ihave exposed myself to the words of countless different teachers andtraditions.Almostalwaysitseemedthatjewelsofinsights,althoughinspiring,never seemed to havemuch lasting effect onme.Coming face to facewithSadhguruwasastarkcontrasttoeveryoneandeverythingelse.Noteverythinghesaidwerethingsyoumightwanttohear,buthiswordsresonatedwithtruthandcutlikeascalpel.TheconnectionIfeltwasonadifferentlevelaltogether,anditshowedme

thelimitationsofthepriorsearchingIhadbeendoing.AsmuchasIhatedtoadmitit,Ihadbeensearchingforalive,enlightenedbeing,andherewasthatandmore.WhatIhadfoundwasintenselyalive!ThingshesaidthatnighthauntedmelaterwhenIhadtimetothinkabout

them.Onecommentinparticularthatstayedwithmewas,“Everyopinionyouhaveaboutanythingcanbealimitingidentity.”HereIwassearchingforself-realization down every avenue I could find when all along I was limitingmyselfbyattachingtomyownopinions.After thepublic talk,I learnedthat therewasgoingtobeamoreintimate

meeting at someone's home with Sadhguru the following evening. Once IconfirmedthatIwasinvited,therewasnoquestionaboutwhetherIwouldbethere. Iwas excited about getting to see him again so soon. I foundmyselfwonderingjustwhattheexcitementIwasfeelingwasallabout.ThenIrealizedthatperhapsfortheveryfirsttimeIcouldactuallyseethe

possibility of becoming free, free from longing, free from wanting to besomethingmore,freefromallcompulsiveness,freefromtheveryprocessoflife and death. It now looked like it was a real possibility and not justsomethingIhadcookeduporimagined.TheveilIhadwornallmylifeasaresultof thisvaguesearch lifted frommyheart. Ihadprettymuchgivenup

hope after all my unsuccessful years of searching; now I was enormouslyrelievedthatthispossibilityofself-realizationdidindeedexist.Thepossibilitywasrightinfrontofme.Before Iwent to themeeting the followingnight, I thought I should take

advantageof the timeIwouldhavewithhimtherebyaskinghimaspecificquestionthathadbeendisturbingmeformanyyears.Afterall,howoftendoyougetaprivateaudiencewithoneofIndia'smostrenownedmystics?Asthemeetingunfolded,however,Icompletelyforgotaboutmyquestion.

I'vesincebeen toldbyotherpeople that this isacommonoccurrence.Onceyou're aroundSadhguru, his peace is so contagious andhis presence so fullthatquestionsandproblemsoftendisappear.As I had suspected earlier, however, this guru was not going to allow

anyone around him to remain captive to wrong perceptions or conclusions.Over the years, I've learned how to keep others from readingme. This hasbeenausefulskill in thebusinessworld,but thisskillgotmenowherewithSadhguru.Atonepointhestoppedwhathewasdoingandpointeddirectlyatme.HetoldmeIhadaquestion.Hedidn'taskme.Hetoldme.Surprised,Icountered,“No,Idon't.”Asifreadingmymind,hesaid,“Yes,youhaveaquestion.”Iinsistedagain,alittlemoreforcefullythistime,“No!”“Justaskyourquestion!”hereplied,justasforcefully.Well,uptothatpointpeoplehadbeenaskingavarietyofquestions,polite

but rather vague queries on amixture of pseudo-spiritual ormundane stuff.Whattheyneededtodotofixtheirlivesortoamasswealth,regainhealth,orwhatever. I had no interest in furthering the conversation along those lines.SinceSadhguru insisted, I asked the question that had been festering insideme.“IfmymindcanproduceabeautifullifeformeandgetmewhateverIhave

wanted,” I said, “why am I not able to produce, or find, self-realization byusingmymind?”AfterallthesearchingI'ddoneinmylife,IhonestlythoughtI would have been enlightened by now. Instead, after all these years,regrettably,notmuchhadhappenedwithinme.Hebarelyevenpausedbeforehesaid,“Youcanuseyourmind,but tobe

effective,yourmindmustbeuncluttered.Themindmustberazorsharp.Onlyifthemindisrazorsharpisitusefulastoolforyourtransformation.ThereisaformofyogacalledJnanaYogathatleadstounionthroughintelligence.Itisadifficult path formost people.Very fewpeoplehave the caliber of intellect

thatisneeded.”To emphasize his point, he pickedup a knife thatwas inserted in a cake

someone had brought to themeeting and said, “Think of it thisway.Yourmindis likeaknife thathascut intoacake.Whenyoupull theknifeout, itstillhascakeonit.Similarly,yourmindretainstheresidueofmanydifferentpastimpressionsandexperiences.Allthesepastimpressionsarestucktoyourmindlikecakestickstoaknife.”ThismadeperfectsenseeventhoughInowfoundmyselfthinkingthathe

wastellingmemyminddidnotworkasatoolbecauseitwastoodull.Whathappened?IwasalwaystoldhowsmartIwas—andIwashappytobelieveit.Sadhgurucontinued,“Rightnow,youarenotabletouseyourmindtotake

youtofreedombecauseyourmindiscluttered.Youhavetokeepyourmindrazorsharpanduncluttered.Thenyoucanslicethroughtofreedomusingthemind.Then,whateveryourmindmayenterinto,noneofitshouldstick.Onlythencanthemindbeusedasacompletetool.“Doing yogawill remove the cake from the knife, but it is better to use

morethanjustyourmindasatool.Youarenotjustthemind.Thereareotheraspects of you. You also have a body, you have emotions, and you haveenergy.Usingjustoneoftheseaspects,likethemindalone,isliketravelingsomewhere with just one wheel of the car. All four wheels of the car areneeded togo there.Onlywith all fourwheels canyouget there. If youuseonly one aspect as your path, you can still get there but you may becomesociallyincompetent.Beinganeffectivepersonintheworldwillprobablynotbepossibleifyouaredrivingyourcarwithjustonewheel.Itwillinvariablylead towithdrawaland isolation. It isstillworth it,buthowmanywouldbereadyforthatkindoflife?Itisbesttouseallfouraspects.Theyogaweareteachingisacombinationofallthesefourthings:mind,body,emotions,andenergies.IshaYogasetsalltheseforcesinonedirection.“Our life energies are the most basic and the most powerful aspect of

human beings. Though most people are unaware of it, whichever way ourenergiesplay,that'sthewayourbodiesandourmindsandouremotionsplay.So,oncewegettheenergies—thefundamentals—movinginonedirection,wecanmakesure thatourbodies,emotions,andmindsarealsomoving in thatdirection.“Different people's energies, minds, emotions, and bodies function in

differentways.Aguruisonewhoknowswhatisneededforeachindividual.There has been somuch emphasis on live gurus because they canmix therightcombinationforeachperson.ThereasonIshaYogaworkssoeffectively

foreveryoneisthatituseseveryaspectofyoutohelpyougrow,notjustyourmind.”

After the meeting, I approached the guru as he was walking out of theroom.“Sadhguru,howdidyouknowIhadaquestion?”Iasked.“Itwaswrittenalloveryou,”hesaid.Somuchformypokerface!WhileIwastryingtofigureoutinwhatwaymyquestioncouldhavebeen

so obvious, he patiently explained, “Such questions are powerful. Anunansweredquestioncankillpeople.Inthisworld,mostpeopledonothavegenuine questions. Their questions usually are only of entertainment value.Theyaskquestionstoamusethemselvesor tosettle theircuriosity.Itmakesthemfeelintellectual,whichiswhattheyaspireto.“If you have a genuine question, however, you cannot rest until it is

answeredor resolved.Youcannot forget it.Even ifyoubury itdeep, itwillbringrestlessnessandevendisease.Ifyouburyittoodeep,thenyouwillseethateverycellinyourbodywillscreamthatquestion.“Questionsofthiskindaremybusiness,youknow,”headdedandsmiled.Aswe talked further,hemadea fewcomments that revealeda surprising

understandingofmynature—surprisinggiventhatIhadseenhimforthefirsttimejustthenightbefore.AsmuchasIhatedtoadmitit,Ifeltabitunnervedat howperceptive and accurate his comments aboutmewere.Amongotherthings, he told me I was in danger of wasting my life to “laziness andcomplacency.”Iknewthiswastrue.Ionlydidwhatcameeasytome,neverchallenging

myself. I was the one looking for effortless bliss, and I enjoyed mycomfortablelifestyle.He then toldme to come to India inAugust, the followingmonth, for a

programhewouldbegiving.ImmediatelyIbalked;therewasnoway.Icouldalmostfeelmyselfphysicallybackingup.AsmuchasIwantedtotakeaclasswithhimassoonaspossible,IcouldnotwrapmymindaroundgoingtoIndia.I was simply not ready for a trip of this magnitude. I had major healthconcerns.Icouldpullittogetherforthreeorfourhoursadaytoshowupforwork,butbeyond that, Icouldn'tevenwalkacross the roomwithout feeling

likeIwasgoingtopassout, likeIwasdraggingabagofbricksbehindme.Amongotherthings,Ihadhyperthyroidismandlowbloodpressureof75/35.Justwalkingacross theroommademefeeldizzyandfaint,andIwastoldIwas at high risk for a heart attack. I did not talk about itmuch, but itwasprettybad.IhadbeentoIndiatenyearsbeforewhenIwasinperfecthealthandhad still gotten violently ill. I seemed to have been amagnet for everygermthatwasoutthere.Consequently,IdecidedIwasnevergoingtogobackto India even though I had for years fantasized some sort of a distantconnection to the land of yogis. Besides, I suspected that India would beoppressivelyhotinAugust.I told him about my previous experience and how precarious my health

was.HewasquietforaminutethensaiditwouldbeokayformetocomeandthatIwouldnotbesickwhileIwasthere.Still I resisted. Even though I wanted to go, I had toomany doubts and

fears about being able to handle such a trip. I decided towait and take hisclassthenexttimehecametotheUnitedStates.Thisdecision,however,didlittletocalmanewsenseofuneaseIwasfeeling.Here'sthething.I'dsincerelyaskedforsomehelp.Helpshowedupandthe

first thing I didwas say no. I felt like I was flunking out even before I'vegottenthroughthedoor.Icouldn'tevendothefirstthing.Whatwouldhappenwiththesecondthing?WouldIevengetasecondchance?Inormallyreallyinvolve myself in a big way if I am interested in something, yet here wassomethingIreallywantedandIwasbackingaway.Iwasveryconcernedthateven if IhadfoundtheguidanceIwas lookingfor, Ihadfounditmuchtoolate.Perhaps,givenmyageandhealthlimitations,Imightnotbeabletodowhatever it was that was necessary for me to attend his classes, let alonetransform.Atthattime,IhadnowayofknowinghowtrustworthySadhguru'swords

were.Helookedlikesomeonewhowasbotheredbynothing,particularlyheatortravel,soIfiguredhecouldnotappreciatehowdifficultasummertriptoIndiawouldbeforme.

Although Ideclinedhis initial invitation togo to India, Iquicklybecame

veryfocusedonlearningwhateverIcouldfromSadhguruassoonaspossible.InIshaYoga,thesystemdevelopedbySadhguru,thebasicprogramisknownas Inner Engineering, a technology that offers a scientifically structuredprogramtohelpindividualsestablishoptimalphysical,mental,andemotionalhealth and vitality, and to prepare the practitioners for deeper levels ofspiritual awareness. In theWest,many of us have been exposed to varioustypes of yoga exercise, such as Hatha Yoga. In Isha Yoga, the physicalposturesaretaughtinorderforyoutobeabletoaccessthehigherdimensions.Theposturesaredesignedtogetyoucomfortableinyourbodyforsittingandtopurifyyourbodyandmake itmore subtle so that theseotherdimensionsbecomeavailabletoyou.AlthoughSadhguru'sfoundationisbasedinIndia,heoffers programs around the world. In Isha Yoga there are highly trainedinstructorswhohaveundergoneaveryrigoroustrainingformanyyearsunderSadhguru's supervision. Somehow this training allows them to learn how tokeepthemselvesasideandfunctionasconduitstodeliverSadhguru'spresenceand energy. I have heard any number of people vouch that the teachers’programs are just as good as Sadhguru's and that the participants feel hispresenceeventhoughheisnotphysicallythere.IplannedtotakethenextprogramhegaveintheU.S. inwhatevercityit

was given, but I did not have to travel because six months later he had aprogramveryclosetowhereIlivedinAtlanta.ItooktwoofhisclasseshereinAmerica,andhecontinuedtoimpressmewiththedepthofhisinsightandhisabilitytoopenuppossibilitieswithinme.Infact,thefollowingFebruaryIdidgo all theway to India for the advancedprogram thatwasonlyofferedthere.AsSadhgurupromised,myhealthwasfine.IspentnineweeksinIndiathatnextyearandwasevenabletodoaHimalayantrek(whichwouldhavebeen physically impossible forme a year earlier) with him and a group ofmeditators. I spent twomonths in India the followingyear, and IhavebeengoingtoIndiaatleastonceayeareversince.WhenIbeganIshaYoga,Iwastakingfourprescriptionmedicationsdaily.

Itsoundslikealot,butIwassurpriseditwasn'tmore!Ihadavarietyofthingswrongwithmyhealth.ThehyperthyroidismIhadwastheincurableGraves’disease.Ihadamultitudeofotherthingsthatwereoffwithmysystem.Ihadchronic fatigue, allergies, a constantly queasy stomach, deep physical bodypain, and chronic insomnia. My health had gotten so bad that it wasembarrassingtome.Ithadbeengettingprogressivelyoutofwhackforseveralyears.Frankly,Iwasfeeling60percentdead.Itwastakingenormousefforttokeepfunctioning.

WhenIdidtakeSadhguru'sprogram,eventhoughmosteveryonefounditblissful,Ihadsomuchphysicalpainthatjustsittingstillwasverydifficultforme.Because of this, therewas noopportunitywhatsoever at first forme tobenefitfromthemorespiritualaspectsofthepractices.IwasconcernedthatImightbetheonepersonthisprocesswouldnotworkfor.Thepeakexperienceshappeningtootherpeopledidnothappentome,and

even though I felt extremely disappointed, somehow I stuck with thepractices.AsIsaid,Iamoftenundisciplinedandlazy,andIhadtoignoremyownwhining.Iknewthatifanythingwasgoingtotransformme,thiswasit.SomethinghadveryobviouslyworkedforSadhguru,andIknewhewouldnotwastehistimewiththeseprogramsif theydidnotwork.Thepracticesareauniquesystemofbringingbalanceandintensitytoone'sbody,mind,emotion,and energy; they consist of powerful breathing techniques and meditationamongother things.Even in the state of health Iwas in, thepracticesweredoable. I have to admit that my morning practice leaves me with such acertainkindofserenityandblissfulnessthatlaststhroughoutthedaythatIdonotwanttomissitforanything.Ikeptatthemdayafterday,andasaresult,manythingschanged—andtheyactuallychangedreallyfast.Iwas offmost of the prescriptionmedication in threemonths.Whenmy

doctor readmybloodwork, he said, quite uncharacteristically for aman offewwords,“Thisisastonishing!Thisisastonishing!Thisisastonishing!”Thatisnoexaggeration.Hesaiditthreetimes,justlikethat,andheadded

thathehadneverseenanyoneashyperthyroidasI,foraslongasIhadbeen,get thiswell thisquickly.He isnot somecrystal-wearing,New-Agedoctor,either, but a well-respected endocrinologist with a wall full of degrees andawards from the halls of traditional academia. I had also suffered withallergiesandothersymptomsforseveralyears.Nowthey,too,weregone.Inadditiontobecominghealthy,Ihaveexperiencedformyselfmanyofthe

thingsSadhgurupromisedinthefirstclass.Iusedtobeabigworrier.NowitissuchareliefnottobeinaconstantstateofconcernabouttheworstthingIcouldimaginehappening.Iwashavingaconversationrecentlywithmyfatherabout some of his concerns for himself, me, and the world and he said,“Nothingreallybothersyou,doesit?”“No,nothingreallydoes,atleastnotthewayitdidbefore,”Ianswered.“IwishIcouldbelikethat,”hesaid.OvertheyearsIhadacquiredthesamekindofworriedmindmyfatherhad.

Itwouldgoonaseek-anddestroymission,lookingforthenextthingtoworry

about.Nowmostofthetime,Ihaveadeep,consistentsenseofjoy,althoughmymind is stillmore active than Iwant it to be. I don't dwell on difficultthingssomuchandtendtodowhatIcantomakechangeswithoutaddinganypersonaldrama.Ifthere'saproblem,Ijusttrytofigureoutwhattodoaboutit.Idon'twanttowastethismoment.Challengingsituationsstillhappen,butIdonot lose sleep over them. Sadhguru has said that peace ofmind is only thebeginning, not the goal. That was exciting to me because even though myhealthwasmuchbetterandmymindhadsettleddown,Icameforsomethingelse.

CHAPTERTHREE

OurWeekBegins:SadhguruArrives

“Iwantyoutoknowthepower,theliberationofanotherkindofscience—theinnerscience—throughwhichyoucanbecomethemasterofyourowndestiny.”

—SadhguruOn a sunny August afternoon, I drove to the Atlanta airport to wait for

Sadhguru'sarrival.IwastobehishostatmylakehouseinthemountainsofNorthCarolina,andthiswouldbethefirsttimeIwouldhaveunlimitedaccessto theguruwhose teachings I hadbeengetting toknow. I felt unbelievablyexcited,buttheprospectwasalsodaunting.Thingswithhimareoftentotallyunpredictable,nomatterhowmuchyoutrytoprepareforeveryeventuality.It hadbeen threeyears since I'dmetSadhguru inAtlanta.Even though I

hadenjoyedquiteabitoftimespentwithhimoverthepastfewyears,Istillfoundmyselfwith a variety of emotions every time Iwent to see him: bigenthusiasm combined with a bit of edgy anticipation. But it's a transitoryproblem, for as soon as I am with him, I'm completely absorbed in thesituation. Many times I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into thestillnessofhispresence,butatother timesmycuriousminddoesn'twant tomissanopportunitytogetmyendlessquestionsanswered.SadhguruandhisassistantLeelawerecomingtobemyguestsatmylake

houseforanentireweek.Sadhguruhadfirstbecomeacquaintedwiththelakethepreviousyear,whenhe stayedatmyplace foronenight. I could tellhereally liked it.Since that time, Ihadbeenbugginghim tocomeback.As itturnedout,heperiodicallywithdrawsintoseclusiontoattendtosometypeofinnerwork.Sincethelakehouseisnothingifnotsecluded,itwastheperfectsetting.Leela had been with Sadhguru for almost fifteen years. Trained as an

engineer,shehaspracticallyunlimitedoptionsforherlife,yetshehaschosentoserveasafulltimevolunteerforIshaYoga.SheassistsSadhguruinmuchofhisday-to-dayworkintheUnitedStates.Despitehermanyresponsibilities,

she iseasilyoneof themostunruffledpeople Ihaveevermet.Withakeenmind and a dry sense of humor, she often makes her point in a mostpenetratingandunexpectedway.AsmuchasIlovetosharethelakehouse,Ihadnodoubtthatextendingmy

hospitality to Sadhguruwould be a unique experience.Although the sereneconfidence that characterizes photographs of himmight give the impressionthatSadhguruisanentirelygentle,otherworldlyfigure,inpersonhewouldbebetter described as an active volcano: dynamic, forceful, unpredictable, andwithanexplosivesenseofenergy.WhenI'mwithhim,Ineverknowwhatisgoingtohappennext.Ifeltentirelycluelessabouthowtomakethistheidealweekbecausehehadnotbeenparticularlyforthcomingabouthisplans.Ionlyknewthathewantedtospendmostofthetimeinsilence.IhopedIwouldbeabletodotherightthing,whateverthatwas.Alwaysthe

perfectionist, I not only asked Leela for advice beforehand, I also e-mailedSadhguru'sashraminIndiaforsuggestions.Bothrequestsweremetwiththesame disarmingly uninformative advice: something simple and comfortablewould be just fine. I was looking for details and trying to be prepared foranything(grocerylists,etc.),butgotnowhere.Itseemstobealwaysthiswaywithhim.Youcanneverbecompletelypreparednomatterhowhardyoutrybecausethingsareconstantlychanging.WhenIarrivedatthedesignatedwaitingareaintheairportthatafternoon,I

foundalargeandglowinglyenthusiasticgroupofpeoplerepresentingallagesand cultureswaiting to see Sadhguru, even though his travel plans had notbeen formally announced. There was a buzz of excitement in the air thatcaught the attention of everyone, even the normally unflappable securityguards.Theenthusiasmandshiningeyesofsomanypeople,youngandold,seemedtocreatealivingsenseofanticipation,asizzleandcrackleofenergyas if we were all conductors along a vast power line. At the heart of theexcitement,itseemedtome,wastheunspokenbutpotentknowledgethatinhispresenceapossibilitybeyondallthatweknewwasaliveandavailable.Standingthere,IrememberedthatbeforeImetandgottoknowSadhguru,

thissceneat theairportwouldhavemademeuneasyandwouldhaveraisedmultiple red flags. I would have foundmany of the people too reverential,theiradmiration toouncomfortable.Myquick-todisbelieveradarwouldhavepopped up and registered concern, yet here I was, happy and enjoying theexcitementaroundme. Itwasevidenceofhowfar Ihadcome,howmuch Ihadcometobelievethatthisguruwastherealthing,andhowmuchIvaluedknowingSadhguruandhavinghiminmylife.

I lingeredon the fringeof the crowd, simply soaking in the scene. I sawthatmanypeoplebroughtgiftsfortheguru.Severalheldbouquetsofflowerstoofferhim,andonemanheldapicturehehadpainted.OthersheldspecificthingsSadhguruwasknowntolike.Therewasajarofspicyhotpickles,abigbag of special handmade soap, and even a Frisbee,which this athletic gurulikestothrowwhenhehasafreeminute.As the time for Sadhguru's 4:30 p.m. arrival approached, people were

finding the right spots to get their first glimpses of him. At precisely theappointed time, the plane toucheddown, and soondisembarking passengersbegantostreampastus.Andthenwecaughtsightofhimwalkingcalmly,hisserene, glowing, caramelskinned face in sharp contrast to the harriedexpressionsofthosesurroundinghim.Asoftenhappens,Ifeltabriefshock.His appearance is extraordinary. He is both old and young. He had agray/whitebeard that reachedto themiddleofhischest,yetheworeclassicaviatorstylesunglassesandtanjeans.Wewerefromthesamegeneration.Hewas, in fact, my contemporary. Both of us had grown up listening to theBeatlesandtheRollingStones.As if oblivious to the rushing flow of hurrying travelers around him,

Sadhgurumovedwithawarmsmiletowardthegroupthathadcometogreethim.Heacknowledgedeachperson,somewithasmile,andotherswithanod,somewithahug,andotherswithapiercingcommentthatcuttothequick.The long flight hadnot numbedhiswhimsical sense of humor.Someone

asked,“Howwasyourflight,Sadhguru?”Herepliedquickly,“Oh,theydidn'tletmefly!Iwasjustsittingaround.”Thenhethrewbackhisheadandgavehisusualhearty,deeplaugh.Eventhoughhehadbeentravelingforthepastthirty-sixhoursandstillhad

manymilesmoretogobeforehecouldrest,heappearedunhurriedandtrulypresentasheinteractedwiththosewhohadcomeout toseehim,answeringtheirquestionswithhisfullattentionandbrieflytalkingwithvolunteersaboutthedetailsofhisagenda.Thiswasnot the first time I had seenSadhguru interactwithpeople in a

publicsetting,andI'veneverseenhimpullbackfromotherstoattendtoanyofhisownneeds. It's as ifwhen surroundedby thosewhocome tohim forguidanceandinstruction,hehasnopersonalconcerns.I'veseenhimpatientlytend toeachpersonwaiting in long lines to speakwithhimeven thoughhehas not eaten or slept; even though he must work for hours when he isfinished.Everyquestion, even those that are trivial, is answeredwithwordsthatrevealagenuinedepthandprofundity.Morethanonepersonhastoldme

theywouldaskhimaseeminglyordinaryquestiononlytohavehisresponsetouch their real question, often deeply held and unspoken. One time Imentioned this tohim, andhe replied, “I always answer theperson, not thequestion.”

Foralmostanhour,Sadhgurucontinuedtospeakwithpersonafterperson,exchanging greetings, joking amicably, listening intently. Finally, from thesoapladytotheFrisbeeguy,everyoneseemedhappyatthisopportunitytoseehimagain.Theenergyradiatingsun-likefromhimleftaglowoneveryface.Afterthelastgoodbye,SadhguruandIwalkedleisurelytothebaggageclaim.Aswewaitedforhisbags,Itookalookatoneofthegiftshehadbeengiven,abookaboutthemysticSufipoet,Rumi.IknewenoughaboutRumitoknowthathispoetrycelebratesa loveaffairwith thedivine, so IaskedSadhguru,“Islovetheultimatepossibilitythatonecanseek?”Just then his bag appeared on the carousel, and as he reached for it, I

assumedhemissedmyquestion.Withhisbagsafelyinhand,weheadedformycar.Thewheelsofhissuitcasecreakedandgroanedonthepavement,theirnoiseechoingoffthecinderblockwallsofthebrightlylitparkingdeckaswewalkedtothecar.KnowingSadhguruisasmuchamanofmotionasheisofstillness,Iasked

himifhewantedtodrive.Itisawell-knownfactthathelovestodrive—andfast—butaftersuchalongtrip,Ithoughthemightwanttorest.Notachance.Laughing,IrolledmyeyesasIhandedoverthekeys.Ishouldhaveknownhewouldn't let theopportunitypass. I took thepassenger seatandstrapped theseatbelt on securely, reflecting onemore time on the guru's reputation as adriver of vehicles (and of people). In India, where speed limits seemnonexistent,heisknownforpushinghiscar—nottomentionhisstudents—tothelimit.He inserted the key into the ignition and then looked intently atme and

asked,“HowfastcanIgo?”I don't know why he bothered to ask; it was really never up to me.

Squealingoutoftheparkinggarage,heprobablycouldn'thaveheardmeevenifIhadansweredhim.

ThetripfromAtlantatothemountainsnormallytakesclosetothreehours.Butafteronlyafewgear-strippingminutes,wewereoutofthecityandwellonourwaytosettinganewtriprecord.IreflectedonhowabsurdthenotionofanIndianyogamasterspeedingdownInterstate85inaBMWconvertiblemightbetomostpeople(includingmoststatetroopers),butthenIjustsmiledandrelaxed.IknewthatIwasridingshotgunonwhatwouldbeanincrediblejourney—andnotjustwhilewewereinthecar.I'dhadplentyofexperiencewithSadhguru'shell-forleatherdrivingstylein

India, so it seemed like a fair question to ask him, “Sadhguru, why thispassionwithenginesandspeed?”“Oh,” he responded, smiling, “I am passionate about every thing in life;

drivingisoneofthefewthingsthatareleftnowduetothedemandsoftimebecauseoftheworkIhavetakenup.”Hechangedlaneswithdexterouscarebeforeadding,“Ihavealwaysliked

vehicles of all kinds, startingwhen Iwas a child.At one point,mybiggestdreamwastohaveabicycle.WhenIfinallygotit,Ispentalotoftimeonit.Iwouldalwayshavenewtiresonmybike.Whentheywerealittlewornout,Igavethemaway.Itwasnotflamboyance,youknow.Ididnotcarewhatthebikelookedlike.Theridehadadifferentfeelingwhenithadnewtiresonit,andthat'sthekindofstuffIcaredfor.”“I know how you drive,” I said, “so I can only imagine that you wore

through lots of tires for your bike. Where did you get the money to keepbuyingnewtires?”Sadhguru laughed and said, “I made sure I had enough odd jobs and

enterprisestomakemoneywhenIwasakid.”“Likewhat?” I asked. Iwas trying to get a feel forwhat a kid raised in

Indiamightdotogetmoney.“Therewasaresearchcampusthatpaidbigmoneytohave thepoisonous

snakesremovedfromtheirgrounds.Theypaiddifferentpricesforremovalofthedifferentsizedcobrasandvipers.Iwouldalsocatchparrots.Iwantedtobeabletokeepmybikeupandfundmycyclingexpeditions,soIwasdelightedtohavefoundthatjob.Besides,nooneelsewouldorcouldtodoit.IwouldperformactionsthatwereconsideredriskyandtakeanychallengeIcouldfindforexcitementormoney.”Iwasglad thatSadhguru's reminiscinghadexpandedbeyondhis love for

speedintoarareglimpseintohischildhood—butcatchingpoisonoussnakes?Hecontinued in thatvein,“Theotherkidswereoftendaringme toclimb

things,”hesaid.“Icouldclimbanything.WiththemoneyImade,Iwasableto fund bicycle trips for ten to fifteen boys for four to five days at a time.That'sbig fundingfora ten-year-old.That'showIspentmymoney. Ineverwent to restaurants or cared about new clothes. I had too many outdoorinterests.”Another way that Sadhguru expressed his love for cars was through his

attentive knowledge of the various cars we passed on the interstate. As hedrovealong,henoticedandcommentedonsuchdetailsasthemodelnumbers,engine specifications, gear ratios, and transmission capabilities down tominute performance details of cars we passed. He'd point out the year inwhich this or that automobile was made and when design changes wereimplemented.Itseemedtomethatnothingescapedhisnotice.“Youcertainlyseemtohaveanencyclopedicknowledgeofcars,”Isaidas

wespedalong.Hedidn'tacknowledgethecomment,butinsteadchangedthesubject. “I also loved airplanes,” he said. “I was desperate to fly. I almostjoinedtheIndianAirForcebecausethatwouldgetmetofly.Afewofusbuilta hang glider. I took themaiden flight and jumped off a nearby hill in therickety contraption. Instead of soaring in the sky, I quickly crashed into aravine below. Not only was the hang glider broken, but it broke both myankles,too,”hesaidandlaugheduproariouslywithhiscontagious,bellowinglaugh.“Wow,Ibetyourparentslovedthatone,”Isaidwryly.“Yes, my father was always concerned that I never had any fear about

anything.”Ismiledandshookmyhead.Fastcars,fastplanes,poisonoussnakes,and

who knows what else. Fearlessness and a love for engineering seemed tocoalesce in him. I thought about how his love for the gas pedal echoes asimilarlovehehasforacceleratingthespiritualevolutionofthosewhostudywithhim.Ofcourse,itmadeperfectsensethattheyogaheteachesisakindofengineering:spiritualengineering.Sadhguru's life seems to have amore clear purpose than anyone else's I

haveknown,yethisyouthhad itsownshareofwildnessandmeandering. Iwondered just how much more control he exercised over his life than theaverage person. What drove this fast-driving mystic? Did destiny haveanythingtodowithit?Forthatmatter,doesdestinydriveanyone?“Sadhguru,”Iaskedas thespeedingwhite linesof thehighwaylulledme

into a hypnotic, receptive state, “is there such a thing as destiny? Just how

muchcontroldoweactuallyhaveoverourlives?”I takepride inbeinga focusedandgoal-orientedperson,and Iknow that

thistraithasbeenagreathelpinmylife(particularlyintermsofmycareer),butdespitemyfocus,Ialsoknewhowmuchinmylifeeludedmycontrol.IwantedtoknowjusthowfarIcouldpushmyselfintermsofmanagingeverycorner of my experience. And since I approached life from a spiritualperspective,Ialsowantedtoknowwhatkindofunseenforcessuchaskarma,the energies of cause and effect that pulse through our lives, play a role indeterminingwhatspecificeventsaredestinedtohappen(ornothappen).Areweatthemercyofourdestiny,orcaneventhatbechanged?Hepausedbeforeanswering.“Nowwhatyouarereallyaskingis if lifeis

alreadypre-fixed.That'sthequestion.Thisquestioncomesupbecausecertainthingsarehappening inyour life, andeven thoughyouare trying topush itoneway,itisoftengoinganotherway.Thatisthereasonforthequestion.“So, is this destiny? As you know, external situations are controlled by

many,manyforces.Rightnow,wearedrivinginthiscar,andthissituationiscontrolledbygravity,themovementoftheplanet—itsrotationandrevolution—andatomicforces,andanynumberofthings.Therearealsoforcesatworkwell beyond present levels of perception and understanding. We onlyunderstandthemtosomeextent,andtothatextentwecancontrolthem.“Forexample,onecansteeracar,makesurethereisenoughgas,andobey

therulesoftheroad.Thosethingsareunderone'scontrol,butgravityisnotunderourcontrol.Butourunderstandingofsituationshashugelyimprovedinthe last fifty years.Wenow think less about destiny andmore about thingshappeningbyintent.Doyouseethis?”Hepausedexpectantly.Clearly,hewasnotaskingarhetoricalquestion.“Yes,”Isaid.“Idefinitelydon'tthinkalongthelinesthatifitismeanttobe

itwillbe,thewaymygrandmotherusedtothink.”“So,”hecontinued,“in thenextonehundredyears, ifourperceptionand

understandingisgreatlyenhanced,youwillseeuslessandlessatthemercyof destiny.Most situationswill be in our hands. It is beginning to happen,slowly,stepbystep,isn'tit?Still,wedonotunderstandalltheforcesworkinguponthisparticularsituationrightnow,soeverythingwedon'tunderstand,wesayisGod'swill.Thatisachildishexplanationforallthatyouareunabletoperceiveandunderstand. It'saneasywayofwashing itoff.We label it thiswaybecausewehavenotunderstoodtherealitiesoflifeproperly.“Rightnow,wearedoingamajorprojectintheruralareasinSouthIndia.

You know I have been involved with rural people since I was young, butwhenIreallygotthereandsaweverythingthatwashappening,Iwasamazedthatinthetwenty-firstcentury,whenagovernmentmedicaldispensaryisnotmorethanfivekilometersawayinanyvillage,everyyearmorethanseventythousandchildren lose theirvisionsimplybecauseof somethingas treatableasconjunctivitis.“Conjunctivitisdoesnot takeawayvision; thechildrenare justscratching

out their eyeballs. If they just leave their eyes alone for another four dayswithoutmedicine, theywillbeokay,but thechildrenareunable tobear theitch.Justtwodropsofanantibioticandtheirvisionneednotvanish.Doyouthinkthatisdestinyorsomethingthatwecanchange?”“Definitelyit'ssomethingthatcanandshouldbechanged,”Ianswered.“Whateveryourdestinyisrightnow,”hecontinued,“itisself-created,but

unfortunately, you are creating it unconsciously. It is written by you andnobodyelse.Thecreatorhasgivenyouperfectfreedom.Hehasputhisownselfintoyou.Yourdestinyiswrittenbyyou.Itisonlybecauseoffeelingsofhelplessness that people are talking so much about destiny. You can alsocreateyourdestinyconsciously.Iwantyoutoknowthepower,theliberation,of another kind of science—the inner science—the yogic science throughwhichyoucanbecomethemasterofyourowndestiny.“Youhavenotyetunderstoodtheenormityofbeinghuman.Ifyoutakea

humanbeingtohisfullheight,thedivinewillbeapartofhislife.Ifyouhavemasteryoveryourphysicalbody,10to15percentofyourlifeanddestinyisunderyourcontrol. Ifyouhavesufficientmasteryoveryourmind,40 to60percent of your life and destiny will be under your control. If you havecompletemasteryoveryourlifeenergies,100percentofyourlifeanddestinywillbeunderyourcontrol.“The whole science of yoga is just to work on these three levels: body,

mind,andenergy.Anyhumanbeingcanexplorehiscapabilitiestothefullestonlywhenheexistsinastatewheretherearenoissuesofhisown.Therearenointernalissues,eitherofbody,thought,oremotion.It isonlyinthisstatethathecanfindexpressiontoallthatheis.Allthatwearedoingintheformof spiritual process is just that.You decidewhere youwant to go, the nextcourseanddestination.It isinyourhands.Asthereisaphysicalscienceforexternalwell-being,thereisaninnerscience,ayogicscience.Withthis,youcan take your destiny 100 percent into your own hands. You can take 100percentoftheveryprocessoflifeintoyourhands.Theverywaythatyouarebornyoucandecide.Theverywombthatyouarebornincanbechosenby

youconsciously.Thatistheextenttowhichyoucanhavemasteryoveryourownlife.“Your birth, the very process of life and your death, can be your choice.

Youcancreateyourlifethewayyouwantit.Evennowitisyourchoice,butyouarechoosing itunconsciously.Onecanchooseconsciously,also. Ifyoudonottakeyourdestinyintoyourhands,youliveaccidentally.Whenyouliveaccidentally, anxiety is very natural. Almost 90 percent of the world isanxious all the time. This is simply because peoplemake no effort to taketheirlivesintotheirownhands;thewayithappens,ithappens.”“If we are unconsciously creating our destiny right now, how is it

happening?Isitourthoughts,orouractions,orourpastactions?”Iasked.“Whoyouarerightnow,”hereplied,“yourwholepersonality,everything

thatyouare,isacomplexaccumulationofyourimpressionsoflifeitself.Thisislikeyoursoftware.Thisiswhatisreferredtoaskarma.Itisthevolumeofyourimpressions.Everythingyouhaveperceivedhasimprinteditselfonyourmind and even on your energy.The veryway your body behaves, the verywayyourenergiesbehave, isaresultof thepast impressionsofyourkarma.Theverywayyoumoveyourbodyisprogrammed.Sowhatyoucallkarmaisthe sum of the vast store of impressions you have taken as your software.Because of these impressions, you develop certain tendencies. These areunconscioustendencies.“Your body, yourmind, your emotions, your energies, everythingworks

according to these tendencies that evolve because of the vast store ofimpressions.Thisistheinfluenceofkarmaonyourlife.Unlessonerisestoacertain pitch of awareness and has a certain mastery over oneself, one isalways being pushed and pulled by these tendencies that have been createdunconsciously.Even thoughyou are being pushed in a certain direction, allthiswascreatedbyyou,nooneelsebutyou.”“So ifwe created it, canwe undo—or avoid—thatwhichwe created?” I

askedexcitedattheprospect.“Or,canwechangeitwithawareness?Or,aretheresomeexperiencesthataredefinitelydestinedtohappen?”Sadhguruanswered,“Rightnow,yes.Therearemanythingsthatarebound

to happen because these tendencies are far deeper than your mentaldetermination.Ifyoudeterminetogoinacertainway,therearemanythingsyou can change. Certain fundamental things will find their own way.However,onceapersonhasa certainmasteryoverhis life energies,hecancompletelychangethecourseofhislife.

“Nowweare talkingaboutcreating thesamethingconsciously.Theveryfactthatapersonturnsspiritualwhenhesays,‘Iamseekingliberation’meanshewantstotakethecourseofhislifeintohishands.Youwanttotakeyourdestinyintoyourhands.Withtheveryfirststepofyogayouaretryingtotakechargeof somepartofyou, startingwith thebody, thebreath, and then themindand theenergy.Youaregoingstepbystep. It ismore than justaboutbeing free from suffering. You can definitely change the course of yourdestiny.”“Sadhguru,” I said, “all those things you said in the program thatwould

happen if I stuck to these practices have happened to me. Life now has acertainsenseofeasetoit.Iactuallylikethepractices.Also,somanylittleandalsonotsolittlethingsarecompletelygonenow.TheconstantstateofanxietyIwasinisnowgone.Still,IdonotnecessarilyfeelthatIamclosertotakingmoreofmylifeintomyhands.”“Cheryl, definitelyyou are taking it intoyourownhands.Youwere in a

badstateofhealthwhenImetyou.Evenyoureyesweresunk.Ifyouhadnotstucktoyourpractices,youwereontheroadtoamajordisaster.Ifyouhadnotstucktoyouryoga,bynowyouwouldbemuchworse.Askyourdoctorwhereyouwereheading.Nowallthathaschanged.So,didyoutakelifeintoyourhands?Youareonyourfeet,abletodoeverythingfarbetterthanbefore.Definitely that part of your life has been taken into your hands. Ask yourdoctor.HewillconfirmwhatIamsaying.Onceyouarephysicallyunhealthytothatpoint,everythingcrashes.Nowallthatisfixed,yourenergyisup.Justlookathowyourhealthhasimproved.So,allthosethingsyouunknowinglytook into your hands the minute you took your physical health into yourhands.”Looking young and exuberant with his hair tied back in a ponytail,

Sadhguru lowered his sunglasses and looked at me with those ancient, all-knowing eyes. I knew he did notwantme tomiss this point thatwhat hashappened to me did not happen by accident. Beyond all predictions bymedicalexperts,whathesaidwastrue.BeforeIbegantopracticeIshaYoga,myhealthwasinbadshape.Ittookenormouseffortjusttokeepfunctioningatwork.ItwasallIcoulddotogetthrougheachday,pretendingthatnothingwaswrong.BythetimeIgothomeintheevening,Iwasnotabletodomuchofanything.Ifeltcompletelyzapped,withoutonedropofenergyleft.Now,bycomparison,Ifeelwonderfulandlight.“So,whatdowehavetodotofullytakeourdestinyintoourownhands?”I

asked.“Iheardsomeoneaskyouabouthowtocontrolherthoughts,andshe

talkedabouthowher thoughts ranonendlessly,outofhercontrol, inmanydifferent directions without any apparent reason. That seems to be true formost of us. I heard you say that we cannot control our thoughts when weidentify ourselves as so many things: our bodies, our minds, jobs, andfamilies. It sounded likeyou said that all thathas something todowithourcontrollingourdestiny.Canyouexplain?”“Themoment you are identifiedwithmany things that you are not, then

you cannot stop the thoughts. Starting with the physical body, which is anaccumulation, themind, theemotions, things,people.Youhave takenonsomanyfalseidentifications.Theyrunonendlessly.“People do not understand the relationship between these false identities

andthemselves.Youmayknowhappinessinthisstate.Youmayknowsomejoy because of some external situations, but just being yourself in anabsolutely pleasant way is not possible for most people. Happiness in thisstateisbecauseofsomethingexternal.Itisnotthewayyouare.”“Sadhguru,most everyone I know ismainly looking for a perfect life,” I

said. “The perfect mate, beautiful scenery, unlimited wealth. I like thosethings too, but I knowwe are selling ourselves short. I still feel there is somuchmorethanthat.”“Definitely there is more. Once you do the necessary sadhana (spiritual

work), you have a certain amount of mastery over your body, mind, andenergies. If one wants to pursue a spiritual destiny, a lot more control isneeded.A lotmoremastery isneeded.But, ifyouareonlyseekingmaterialwell-being, just a certain amount ofmastery is needed, and very easily youcanachievethesethings.”“I still feelwe are really selling ourselves short by only trying to have a

nicelife,”Isaid.“Even with a little mastery over your mind and body, you can easily

achievethosethings.Ifyouintensifyandenhanceyourlifeenergiesbeyondacertainpitchthatwillmakeyourenergiesmoredominantthanyourmindandyourbody,thenyoucaneffortlesslycreatewhatyouwant.Whatyouwantinthe physical plane in theworldwill come and fall at your feetwithout youinvestingyourlifeuponthem.Thisshouldnottakemuchofyourtimeatall.Successfulpeoplearethosepeoplewhohaveacertainamountofmasteryovertheirminds. They are able to apply themselves in a certainwaymore thanother people.However, it is best if you transcend the compulsive nature ofdesiring; otherwise, you will throw this planet off balance by creating toomanyunnecessarythings,”Sadhgurusaid.

“Iamfrustrated,”Isaid,“becauseonceIbecamefocusedinmylife,Iwasable tomakea lotofwhatIwantedtohappenexternallyhappen,yetIhavenothadanyluckmakinganythingspiritualhappen.”“Youhaveonlybeenabletomakesmallthingshappen.Youhavenotyet

beenable tomakebig thingshappen.Youneed tobeable tomakebig,bigthings happen. If you can for one moment experience that the source ofcreationiswithinyouandshiftyourwholefocustoyourself,”hesaid,“youcanrewriteyourowndestiny.”Certainly, I had not been able tomake big, big things happen. Sadhguru

wasremindingmehowimportantitisthatmyhealthhasimprovedsomuch.Ididnotmeantoundervaluethat.Ifyoudon'thaveyourhealth,ittakesafrontseat toeverything.BecauseI lackedstaminaandhadsomuchpain, theIshaprogramsat first hadbeenverydifficult forme.Because that is gone, I amnowabletoexperiencemoreofthesubtleaspectsoftheyoga,butthishasjustaddedtotheintensityofwantingtobecomeallthatispossible.Ihadbarelynoticedthesceneryblurringbywhenwewereontheinterstate,

butnowwewereonatwo-lanehighwayandapproachingtheNorthGeorgiaMountains.Lushgreenfields,whichweredottedwithneatlyrolled,harvested,goldenhay, andwewere surroundedby a hazymountain backdrop.At onepoint,wepulledover todrop theconvertible top. Itwasninety-fivedegreesand the sky was white when we left Atlanta, but here it was at least tendegrees cooler andwithout the humidity. The skywas a beautiful, brilliantblue.Aswedroveon,hecontinuedtoaddressmyconcerns.“First,whoyouareshouldbeestablished,”hesaid.“Yourfocusisscattered

becausewhat you call ‘myself’ iswhat you are identifiedwith: your body,your mind, your house, your car, your husband, your child, your pet, youreducation,yourbusiness,yourpower,andallyourotheraccumulations. If Istrippedyouofalltheseidentities,youwouldfeellikeanobody.So,whatyourefertoas‘myself’isspreadaroundyourightnow.WhenIsay‘you,’Imeanjust you. Not this car, not this trip, not this week, not your child, notsomething else—just you. If this ‘you’ remains unidentified with anythingotherthanwhatitreallyis,youcanrewriteyourdestinywhicheverwayyouwant.Rightnow,youareascatteredbeing.Thereisnoyou; thereis justanaccumulatedpast.Youstillhavetogatherupallthismessandputitaside.“Aslongasyouareidentifiedwithallthesethingsyouhaveaccumulated,

you are a crowd, and the crowd's destiny is always predestined. Once youbecome an individual, you cannot be divided anymore. Indivisible means

infinite. You canmake fractions out of everything except the infinite. Thatwhichcanbefragmentedwillnotknowabsolutestability.Whatthatmeansis,youarepiecemeal;justholdingyourselftogetherisafeat.Itisnowonderthatpeopleareananxiousmess.Onceyoubecomeatrueindividual,notidentifiedwithanything,yourdestinyisyours.Iwantyoutounderstandthis.”I reallywanted to understand it, too.Listening to him speak, Iwondered

how Iwas scatteringmy focuswithout realizing it. Iwas no longer full ofanxiety, but my spiritual destiny still definitely wasn't in my hands. As hesays, Sadhguru answers not just the question, but the person. I knew thisdefinitely applied tome and I wondered, Am I still too identifiedwithmybody,mind, house, car, husband, child, pet, education, business, power, thelist of things hementioned?How do I stay completely involved inmy lifewithout being identified? Some people leave their lives to become yogis. Iwanted to become enlightened within the structure I had set up. Was itpossible?Hesaysthatyoucanliveintheworldandbeliberated.How?Howdoyoulivethatexperienceofbeing“indivisible”?Sadhgurucontinued:“Themoreyougetenslavedbythelogicalprocessof

themind, themoreandmoreyouaspire tobeexclusive.Thewhole societytodayisencouragingexclusivity.Exclusivenessmeansthatyouareseparatingyourself from life. You are making a cocoon of your own. The need forexclusiveness has come from a deep sense of insecurity. Exclusiveness andinsecurityfeeduponeachother.Thiswholephenomenonofexclusivenessandinsecuritythatisrulingalargepartofhumanityispurelypsychological.Ithasnoexistentialelements.”IthoughtabouthowtruethatwasforourculturehereintheUnitedStates.

Weliveinourseparateworlds, inourexclusiveneighborhoods,keepingoutanyonewedon't likeorwant.It isn't just therichwhodothis.Eveninpoorneighborhoods,itcanbedangeroustobeanoutsider.Weallowaverylimitednumber of people into our circles. Could this self-imposed isolation bekeepingusfromtrulyliving?“Your physical body and the life within are effortlessly inclusive. The

physical body has been picked up and is on loan from the planet, but youmade it into yourself. With every inhalation and exhalation, you aretransacting with the whole world. The energy within is always one witheverything,soyourexclusivenessispurelyamentalboundary.Inotherwords,youhaveamindthatisnotinlinewithalllife.Whenyourmindisnotinlinewith the life you are, you have become unwilling for the process of life tohappenatitspeak.Thisunwillingnessispurelypsychological.

“Everycell inyou is striving toexist and thrive.Whenyoudonotknowthis,youfeelmentallydepressedandyoumayfeellikeyouwanttodie.Closeyour mouth and hold your nose and see what happens. You will see thateverythinginyouwillmakeaclearstatementthatitwantstolive.Asthelifeprocessisaprocessofinclusion,ifyousetforththepsychologicalprocessofexclusion and create a deep sense of unwillingness toward the life processitself,thenmentallyyouareworkingagainsttheverylifethatyouare.Thisisfundamentallythesourceofallsuffering.Ifyoualignthemindwiththerestofyou,thenmindcanbemadeabsolutelyinclusive.Withthisinclusiveness,you become blissful. With this inclusiveness, your life process becomeswilling. Whatever you do willingly is your heaven and whatever you dounwillingly is your hell.When one is all-inclusive, blissfulness is a naturalstate.“Yogameansknowing and experiencing everything as apart of yourself.

Modern science has proved beyond a doubt that everything is one energy.Religions are screaming that God is everywhere. Whether you say God iseverywhereoreverythingisoneenergy,youaresayingthesamethingfromtwodifferentcontexts.Ascientisthasmathematicallydeducedthisreality.Hehasnotexperiencedit.Hisrealizationisintellectual.Itdoesnottransformhislife.Areligiouspersonjustbelievesit.Ayogiisonewhoisunwillingtosettleeitherfordeductionsorforbeliefsystems.Hewantstoexperienceandknowit.Inthatsense,yogaisatechnologyoftakingapersonfromhisindividualitytohisuniversality,toknowingandexperiencingexistenceashimself.“Patanjali,who is considered tobe the fatheror assimilatorofyoga, said

this very beautifully.When he began the Yoga Sutras, he said, ‘And now,yoga.’Whathemeantwasthatnowyouhavetriedeverything—tastedmoney,power,wealth,love,pleasure,andyouevendidthedrugs,”Sadhgurusaidandlaughed,“andnothingreallyworked.Itwasallfine,butitdidnotbringyouanygreatsenseoffulfillment.Whenyouknowthis,youarereadyforyoga.”IthoughtaboutallthatIhadexperiencedinmylife:somanymomentsof

pleasureandfun.IalsorememberedwhenIrealizedmybusinesswasgoingtobeasuccess.Afternothavinganymoney,finallyIwasabletobuymyownhouse, go to the restaurants I wanted to go to, travel and do whatever Iwanted.IthoughtI'dfinallymadeit.But,itwasneverenough.Nothinginmylife,nomatterhowwonderful,evercompletelysatisfiedme.“For the most part, many people enjoy all those things only because

everyoneisnotabletohavethem.Thatistheonlyreasontheyareconsideredspecial.Ifeveryoneintheworldwasabillionaire,youwouldnolongercare

about being a billionaire. You are often only enjoying things because youthinktheyarespecialorunique.Thisisnotrealjoy.Whenyouhavegottentotheplacewhereyourealizethatallthesethings,nomatterwhattheyare,donotbringyourealjoyinanabsoluteway,thenyouarereadyforyoga.That'swhyPatanjalistartstheyogasutraswith‘Andnow,yoga.’“Wecanwalkthroughlifeuntouched.Whenwewalk,wewanttowalkon

apleasantstreet.Noproblemwiththat.So,let'swalkonapleasantstreet,butdon't invest yourself in it. If you invest yourself in it, youwill become thepavementeveryonewalkson.So,investyourselfcompletelywithinyourself.“If your destiny is in your own hands, will you choose bondage or

freedom?Youwillchoosefreedombecausethedeepestlongingofeverylifeis tobe free from theveryprocesseswe refer toas lifeanddeath.So,onceyourdestinyishappeninginawareness,thenextstepwilljusthappenbyitselfbecause the life within you has the intelligence to choose freedom, notbondage.Onlybecauseyourdestiny isbeingcreated inunawarenessdoyougoaboutweavingbondagesaboutyourself.”I nodded, silently drifting intomy own thoughts. I understood that I had

always been identified with my body and mind. Even though most of usbelieveinsomethingafterthedeathofthebody,weallstillidentifywithourbodies.Icouldunderstandthis,eventhoughmycomprehensionofitdidnotseemtochangemyexperience. Ievenknewthatmymindcouldnotbeme,since I knew I could not always listen to what it was saying. To alsounderstandthatIhaveaddedevenmorefalseidentificationswassomethingIhadbeenunawareof.

Before I knew it, we reached the turn up to the mountains of NorthCarolina.IstillhadmuchIwantedtoaskSadhguruaboutdestiny,butIalsowantedtomakesureIwouldbeabletobeashelpfulaspossiblewhilehewashere.SoIasked,“Whatwillyoubedoingthisweek?IstheresomewayIcanhelp?”“Areyouagoodcook?”Heaskedandlaughed.Ifrownedandadmitted,“Notreally.Icanputafewthingstogether,butI

wouldnotcall itcooking.”Idefinitelydidnotwanttoriskcookingforhim,

especially since I knew thathis assistant,Leela,whowasmeetingus atmymountainhouse,coulddothismuchbetter.“Thenyoucannotbeofmuchusetome,”hesaidandlaughedagain.“No, really, is there any way I can assist you in your work? Is there

anything thatyouneed?” I asked. Iwasn't surewhat thenatureofhisworkwas,andtruthfully,IsupposeIwasfishingforsomekindofclue.Ihadhearda lotabouthow important themysticalpartofhiswork isandhow littlehespokeaboutit.Ididnot thinkhewouldexplain,butaftera longpausehe said, “Cheryl,

youcouldsayIhaveaverylargefamily.Theyarespreadaroundtheworld,andsometimestheyneedalittletendingto.Manyofthemdependonmefortheirwell-being.Therearealsootheraspects to it thatmaybe toomuchforyour logical mind to digest. You may be surprised to know that I haveinitiated even more people that I have not met than I have met. Physicaldistancedoesnotmatterhere.“Besides, people not only seek spiritual guidance fromme; they are also

lookingforotherkindsofhelp.TherearealsomanysickpeoplethatIneedtoattendto.Sometimeswhenitistime,Ihelppeoplewiththeirtransition.”This isdefinitelyovermyhead,but Iwish Icouldunderstandeverything

about him, I thought as Sadhguru fell silent.He seemed not towant to sayanymoreaboutit.So,changingthesubject,IaskedhimhowLeelagottobeluckyenoughtobehisassistantand,thereby,tospendsomuchtimewithhim.“You know,when I travel, I travelwith those peoplewho are quiet,” he

answered.“Idonotneedanyone'scompany.IamatmybestwhenIamalone,butmyworkisaconstantanddeepinvolvementwithpeople.Throughthedaytherearemany,manypeoplearoundme,andIdonothesitateforamomenttobe deeply involved in their lives, as I have no fear of entanglement. Myinvolvementwithpeopleisabsolute.“WhenIaminprivatespaces,thereareafewpeoplewhoareallowedtobe

aroundmeandassistme.Ichoosethosewhohaveimbibedacertainamountof stillness or aboutwhom there is a certain sense of completeness, so thattheydonotneedmuchattention.Thereisacertaintuninginthatallowsmanythings to be donewithout a singleword being uttered. Inmanyways, theyhave made themselves a part of me. Even when they are around, due tominimalmovementwithin them, I amstill in solitude.The tuning in allowsthem to function in perfect harmony without the need for instruction andexplanation.

“Youareofferingyourplaceandyourhospitality. I regret that Iwon'tbearoundtoomuchtoenjoyit.Iwillbespendingmostofmytimealone,butIwilldomybesttospendtheeveningswithbothofyou.”His comments only increased the mysterious quality of the week. Not

knowingwhattosay,Isimplysatinthesilence,allowingittopermeateme.Weremainedsilentfortherestoftheshorttimeuntilwearrivedatthehouse.Aswepulledintothedriveway,Iglancedattheclockonthedashboard.Wehadarrivedfullyforty-fiveminutesearlierthanIanticipated.AsSadhgurustoppedthecarandturnedofftheengine,theRumianthology

thatsomeonehadgivenhimattheairportfelloffthedashboard.AsIpickedupthebook,Icouldsenseachargetothestillness,asenseofexpectancyinthequiet.Perhaps thefallof thebookremindedhimofmyquestionbackatthe baggage claim—of whether love is the ultimate that one can seek—becausesoftly,Sadhguruaskedme,“Cheryl,areyoulookingfor loveorareyoulookingfortheultimate?”ForamomentIwastakenaback.Sincehedidn'tanswermyquestion,when

Iaskeditintheairport,Iassumedhehadnotevenheardit,butherewewere,milesandhourslater,andasiftherewasnotimelapsehejustpickeduprightwhereitleftoff.Iponderedhisquestionforamomentandsaid,“Sadhguru,Idon'tunderstandwhattheultimateis.Iunderstandwhatloveis.AllIknowisthatifthereismoretolifethanthis,thenIwantmore.”Henodded.“Oh,thereismore,”hesaid.“Thereismuch,muchmore.”

CHAPTERFOUR

NightOne:MidnightwithaMystic

“Loveisyourquality.Loveisnotwhatyoudo.Loveiswhatyouare.”—Sadhguru

Justasweweregettingoutofthecar,InoticedtheheadlightsfromLeela'sToyotaminivan illuminatingmydriveway.Whosaysyogisdon'thavegoodtiming?AlthoughLeelaisonlyinherlatetwenties,thereissomethingagelessand

wiseabouther.Sheisabeautifulwomanwithlong,jet-blackhair,sparklingblack eyes, and gorgeous skin. She seems to care nothing about the thingsmost young women are caught up in. I often noticed that she woreexceptionally loose fitting clothes;when I askedher about it, she replied inher typically off-handedway that she preferred comfort to fashion.When Ionce commented to Sadhguru that Leela seemed to be totally indifferent tohowbeautifulawomansheis,helaughedandsaid,“Peopledonotknowhowbeautiful theyare,so theyneedconstantconfirmationfromtheoutside. It isgoodforherthatshehaslostsuchaneed.”TherehavebeenmanytimeswhenLeela's innate logicmademequestion

justwhatIhadbeenthinking.Shehasaverydry,crisp,oftenfunnywayofsayingwhatisonhermind.Sheiscertainlynotafraidtospeakoutaboutwhatsheisthinking.When I first started doing a little volunteerwork at Isha, I foundmyself

workingwithsomepeoplethatIdidnotparticularlylike.Ithoughttheywereflakesandthattheyweremakingthingsmoredifficult,confusing,oralotlessfunthantheyneededtobe.FromthetimeIopenedmyownbusiness,Ihadspoiledmyself bymostly only working with people I liked, respected, andthoughtwerefun.WhenIcarpedtoLeelathatIwasnotusedtoworkingwithorevenbeingaroundpeoplelikethis,shesimplyasked,“Oldpersonornewperson?”“Whatdoesthatmean?”Iasked.

Calmly she explained herself. “Are they new to Isha or have they beenaroundSadhguruforawhile?”Ithoughtthatwasaninterestingdistinction.IcouldalreadyseerealchangesinmyselfintheshorttimeIhadbeenastudentofSadhguru's.AsIconsideredthat,IbegantoseethatmanyofthepeopleIdidnotlikewereallquitenewtoIsha;andlikewisethepeoplewhoimpressedmethemosthadbeenaroundSadhguruforquitesometime.As I thought about it, I realized that even in the short time I had known

them,IcouldseeformyselfthechangesthatwereoccurringinthepeopleatIsha. Ihadonceheard itsaidnot to judge theBuddhabytheBuddhists,butwhenIsawhowsomepeoplewerewhenImetthemandhowtheywereaftercomingoutofsomanythings,IthoughtthatitdoesreflectwellonSadhguruandtheyogictechnologyheisteaching.OnceIheardSadhgurusayhedidnotcarehowsomeonewaswhen theycame tohimbecause, asheput it, “afterbeinghere,theywilldefinitelychange.Nomatterhowtheycome,iftheyarewilling, theywill become beautiful beings here.” In this context I had alsoheard Sadhguru once say that a good gardenerwill not complain about theconditionofthesoilnoraboutthepoorseed,butwillinsteadseehowbesttomakeitflower.Itisinthisthatthegardener'sskillcomesintoplay.Leela toldme thatwhenshe first startedvolunteeringat IshaFoundation,

shewouldfindthepeopleshelikedtheleastandworkwiththem.“Why?”Iasked.Shereplied,“Iwasinterestedingettingridofallmyboundaries,andthey

showedmewheremylimitationswere.”ThatwasatotallydifferentapproachfromthewayIhadbeenlivingforthe

lastthirtyyears.Funny,eventhoughIconsideredmyselfastudentofhumanpotential, it never occurred to me that those boundaries make us smallerhuman beings. I used to protect my comfort zone so much. Leela has onseveraloccasionssaidtomethatalittlediscomfortisgood.Leela has a wonderful sense of humor, and we are constantly laughing

whenwearetogether.Still,IdonotknowhowshekeepsupwithSadhguru.Hispaceisabsolutelysuperhuman.Icannotimaginehowanyhumancouldkeeptheschedulethathekeeps.Ifanythingisanexampleofwhathavingnoboundariesmightlooklike,itisallthatSadhguruisabletopackintohislife.Hehopsaroundtheglobeeasierthanmostpeoplegetacrosstown.I once took a road trip with them in India, with Sadhguru driving (of

course). The gas pedal stayed on the floor and the speedometer stayedabove120 kph. When I asked Sadhguru if he thought we were getting too

closetoanoncomingtruck,hetoldmehehad“fourinches.”Whew,Ithought,nowthat'sarelief!Twiceduringthattriphestoppedforsathsangs(spiritualmeetings)intwo

differenttowns,wheremorethanafewthousandpeoplecametoseehim.Hesatperfectlystillandspokefornearly twohours.Thenwewereback in thecarandflyingdowntheroadagain.Theentiredaywaslikethis:fastdrivingpunctuatedbytotalserenityandpresencewhileinthesathsangs.Finally,wearrivedatourdestination—attwointhemorning.Fourhourslater,hewasupplayingsoccer.He maintains that pace day after day, year after year. As much as my

energy level has improved after practicing Isha Yoga, Sadhguru's pace isunimaginabletome.Afterjustafewdayswithhim(letaloneanentireweek)andfollowinghisscheduleofatmostthreeorfourhoursofsleepanight,Iamcompletelysleepdeprivedandhavetroubleputtingwordstogethertoformacoherentsentence.ButLeelagoesnonstopwithhimforweeksonendwithnoapparentproblematallandverylittlesleep.After we arrived at my house, Leela and I unpacked the car. Sadhguru

disappearedintotheroomwherehewouldbestaying.Hisroom,liketherestof thehouse, featured rustic furniture,woodpaneling, andNativeAmericanIndianblanketshangingonthewalls.Afireplaceinthelivingroomaddedtothe feeling of cozy warmth and casual comfort. I lit a fire while Leela setabout tomake the kitchen her own for the week.Within a few hours, justbeforemidnight, she servedwhatwouldbe the firstofaweekof incredibleSouthIndianfeasts—withoutrelyingonrecipesandrarelymakingadishthesamewaytwice.Sadhgurujoinedusfordinner,andwesettledinanticipatingalongnightof

exhilarationandintrigue.I put on a pot of water tomake tea. Just as the kettle began to whistle,

Sadhguru asked, “Tellme, Cheryl, do you still have that boat of yours?” Icouldseebythewaythelightdancedinhiseyesthathewasreadytogooutonitjustthen.Ismiled.Nevermindthathehadbeentravelingformorethanaday,anighttimeboatrideseemedtobeexactlywhathewanted.ThoughI'dhadtheboatforseveralyears,neveroncediditoccurtometotakeitoutinthedark,much less foramidnight ride.Hiseagerness togoagainmadememarvelathishighlevelofphysicalenergy.Midnight is normally my bedtime, but that night Sadhguru's unusual

request gavememy own energy boost. I sprang up and led him andLeela

throughtheslidingglassdoors,downthetrail,andontothedock.“Readyandwaiting,”Ibragged,thankfulthattheboatwasgassedupandoutfitted.ThenitoccurredtomethatIhadleftafewimportantthingsbehind—such

asthekeystotheboat!Isprintedbackuptothehouse,whereinadditiontothekeys,Ialsograbbedafewblankets,abigflashlight,matches,andapairofnight-visiongoggles.

The night was delicious, a perfect North Carolina summer evening: apleasant temperature because of the elevation, warm but cooler than thesummer days. As I emerged from the cabin with my hands full, I took amoment to notice and appreciate just hownice the outside air felt, and justhowmany stars filled the clear dark sky. The crickets and cicadasmade adroningsymphony,andtheairwasfullofthesoul-nurturingscentsofthelakeandsoilandmountainforest.BythetimeIreturnedtothepier,Sadhguruhadalreadypositionedhimself

atthehelm.LeelaandIsatupfrontashebackedtheboatawayfromitsdock,and off we went across the deep indigo darkness of Lake Glenview atmidnight.Muchthewayhehandledmycar,Sadhguruhandledtheboatasifhewas familiarwith it.Watergently lapped thesleek,silverypontoons thatkeptusafloatandstableasSadhguru'ssmileseemedtoactuallybrightenupthedeep,nightbeyond.Withathrillofenjoyment,Inoticedthatweweretheonlypeopleonthewater.Itwasperfect.A short time later we came to a small uninhabited island. Sadhguru

skillfullysteeredtheboattoasandyareawithafallentreethatweusedasamakeshiftdockalongthewoodedshore.AsLeelaandItiedofftheboat,hewentaheadofustoaclearing,wherehepromptlylitaroaringfire.Wejoinedhimandsataroundtheblaze,baskinginthewarmthandinitslightthatshonelikealonebeaconinthemidstofavastworldofdarkness.Afewminutesofsilence passed by and then Sadhguru began chanting a vibrant, deeplyhaunting mantra. There is something so stirring when he chants that it isalmosthypnotizing.

NadhaBramhaVishwaswaroopa

NadhaBramhaVishwaswaroopaNadhaHiSakalaJeevaroopaNadhaHiKarmaNadhaHiDharma

NadhaHiBandhanaNadhaHiMukthiNadhaHiShankaraNadhaHiShaktiNadhamNadhamSarvamNadhamNadhamNadhamNadhamNadham

Hisvoicefadedintothegreatersilencethatseemedtoenvelopeusall,and

we three sat in a noiseless, blissful peace for some time before I askedSadhgurutoexplainwhatthatbeautifulchantmeant.“Loosely translated,”he said, “this iswhat itmeans: ‘Sound isBrahman,

themanifestationoftheuniverse.Soundmanifestsitselfintheformofalllife,soundisbondage,soundisthemeansforliberation,soundisthatwhichbinds,soundisthatwhichliberates,soundisthebestowerofall,soundisthepowerbehindeverything,soundiseverything.’”I thought aboutwhat that couldmean and I remembered that therewere

alsoplacesintheBiblethatalsotalkedabout“theword”anditsoverarchingsignificance:“InthebeginningwasthewordandthewordwaswithGodandthe word was God.” I thought that there is a great circle of connectednessbetweenallthedifferentspiritualtraditions.

Asthetimemeltedaway,LeelabegantospeaktoSadhguruaboutayoungcouplethathadrequestedSadhgurutomarrythem.Whentherewasalullintheir conversation, I asked Sadhguru whether there was such a thing assoulmates.Ididnotthinktherewas,butthequestionwasonmymindbecauseofadiscussionIhadearlierintheweekwithmysonaboutwhetheraperfectpersonexistsforeveryone.WhenImarriedatnineteen,Ireallybelievedthateveryonehadasoulmate,andatthattimeIwasconvincedIhadfoundmine,butafterIwasdivorced,Iquicklyabandonedthatidea.Evenso,someofmyfriends, even at my age, were still looking for their perfect matches. Iwondered if such an ideal situation could really exist. Perhaps, given my

earlier failedmarriage, Ihad justbecomeacynicabout itall,even thoughIlater bounced back from my divorce with a truly happy second lifepartnership.AsappreciativeasIamofthemaninmylife,Ineverburdenedour relationship with the expectation that we had to be soulmates for eachother.Sadhguruasked,“Areyouaskingifthereisasoulmateforeveryone?”“Yes,”Ireplied,“that'smyquestion.”“Now,youmustunderstand this,”Sadhguruexplained,hiseyesaliveand

brightasthereflectionofthefiredancedacrosshisface.“Matingisalwaysofthe body. It's a body requirement. Maybe it is also of the mind and theemotions.So,theprocessofmatingbelongstothebodytosomeextentandtothemind to some extent.The soul cannotmatewith anything, nor does thesoulneedamate,becauseit isabsoluteandboundless.Onlywhat is limitedneedsamateinordertofeelalittlebetter.”Thislineofthinking,thoughlogical,soundedquitestarkandnottheleast

bitromanticorfun.“Whydoyouchooseamate?”heasked.“Iguesstofindfulfillment,”Ianswered.“Youwantyourbodytofeelalittlebetter,”hesaidwithasmile.“Wecall

thatsexuality,anditcanbequitebeautiful.Wewantourmindtofeelalittlebetter.Wecallthatcompanionship.Wewantouremotionstofeelbetter,andwecallthatlove.Emotionalcompatibilitymakesitverybeautifulandsweet,but that is as far as it goes. Experiencing a good physical compatibility,companionship,andastrongsenseofloveinmanywayscanmakeyourlifeverywonderful, but if you arewilling to look at all this very carefully andsincerely,youcannotdenythelimitationswithwhichitexistsandtheanxietythatnaturallyfollowssuchanarrangement.Thoughitisquiteafortuneforahuman being to find someonewho is physically,mentally, and emotionallycompatible, the limitedness of that arrangement invariably becomessuffocatingifyouareunwillingtosettleforthelimited.“Tohavesuchapleasantarrangement is like living inabeautifulgarden.

Everyhumanbeingwantstohavethis,butthisisnotamatterofsoul.“All the connections youmake thisway are either of the body,mind, or

emotions.You cannot connect anything else thisway.Maybe if you rise inyour awareness and attain a certain mastery over your energies, you canconnectyourenergies.“Itisextremelyimportantthatweunderstandthelimitationswithwhichwe

arelivingandtrytomakethebestofthemfornow,andthenseehowwecangobeyondourlimitationstomorrow.“Ifyoudonotunderstandthelimitationsofyourrelationship,itgetsgreatly

decorated,butwhenitcrashes,itbecomessouglyyoucannotevenwalkoutofitgracefully.Itbecomesuglysimplybecauseyoutellmanyliestoyourselfandtotheotherperson.“Itisbettertobestraight,atleastwithyourself—evenifyourpartnerlacks

thenecessarymaturityforyoutobe100percentstraightwithhim.Atleasttoyourselfyoumustbestraight.Itisveryimportant.Ifyouwanttolivesensiblyandjoyfully, it isextremely important thatyoudonotfoolyourself. It isallrighttofooltheotherperson.Youalreadyknowheisafoolbecausehehasprovided sufficientproofof that, ashehas come toyou,”he said andburstintolaughter.“Thanks a lot,” I said and also laughed even though I found his humor

funnierormorecharmingwhenitwasdirectedtowardanyoneotherthanme.“Onlyifyouarestraightwithyourselfwillyouknowthevalueofoffering

thattoanotherhumanbeing.So,itdoesnotmatter,”hesaid.“Withhim,youdowhateveryouthinkisthebest.Mybusinessisnotwhatyouaredoingwithsomebodyelse.Whatyoudowithsomeoneelseisjustsocial.Mybusinessisjustwithyou,basicyou.Withyourself,youmustbestraight.“Itisvery,veryimportanttobestraightwithyourself;otherwise,lifewon't

work right.And ifyouarevery straightwithyourself,youwill see throughthingsveryeasily.Therearelotsofthingsthatpeoplethinkareimportantthatwon'tmattertoyouorevenmakemuchsensetoyou.“Themoresincereyouarewithyourself,thecleareryouwillseethingsand

the lessmelodrama youwill add to things in order tomake your lifemoreintenseandinteresting.Withoutallthemelodrama,youwillbecomefreerandfreer, and you will quickly become less entangled. You will cut away oneencumberingropeatatime.Thenyouwillrisehigherandhighertoelevatedrealities.“If you do not become absolutely straight with yourself, it may take a

lifetime to deal with every little thing that disturbs you before you finallycometo thepointwhereyourealize thatallyourworrywasnotgettingyouanywhere.Youwill need a full lifetime.That is awaste of your time—andlife.“But if you are very straightwith yourself, youwill see thatmost of the

things that are highly romanticized in the world actually mean nothing.

Actuallymeannothing.Theyareallveryempty.Lifeisfullasitis.Itdoesnotneeddecorating.Onlythosewhoaremissingtheintensityofthelifeprocess—thosewho are not in perceptionof the grandeur of lifewithin—have thisjuvenileideathattheyhavetoenhancelife.Thelifeprocessdoesnotneedanyassistance from you to become beautiful—if only you arewilling tomergewith itandknowitsbeauty,”hesaidandpickedupabranchtorepositionacoupleofthelogsinthefire.Healsothenaddedanotherlargelog,andthefirewassoonalarge,roaringblazeagain.Hecontinued,“Doesthismeanyoushouldnotenjoythesimpleaspectsof

life?No.Let's apply it to thismoment. If you eat yourdinner,will yougetenlightened?No, but that does notmeanwewon't eat dinner;we eat.Whycan'tweenjoythesimpleprocessoflife?Wewilleatbecausewearehungry.Even thoughdinner isnotgoing togetus to theultimate,westillenjoyourdinner.Ourbodiesarehungry.Similarly,ifyouarehungryinyouremotions,yourbody,andyourmindforcertainthings,yougetmarried.Butyouknowverywellthatthisisnottheultimate.Thisisagoodwayandasensiblewaytohandleyourmarriage. Ifyoubelieve toomany fancy thingsabout it, then itcannothelpbutdisappointyou.Oneday,itisdefinitelygoingtocrashinonyou.Evenifyouaremarriedtothemostwonderfulpersonintheworld,itwillstillcrashbecauseyoucannot foolyourself forever.Thesearrangementsaremadetomakeourlifejourneypleasantforourselves,alsoforthosearoundus.Whatyoucallpeace,joy,andlovearealldifferentlevelsofpleasantness.”“Sadhguru, do you think that some people should cut out marriage

altogetheriftheydon'tthinkthatitisrightforthem?”Iasked.“Whynot?Ifthereisnosuchneedinyou,youdon'tgetintoit.Ifyouare

nothungry,youdon'teatdinner.Youdon'teatdinnerbecauseeverybodyelseiseatingdinner.Thesamegoesforeverythingelse inyour life. If there isaneedinyou,youdocertainthings.Ifthereisnoneedinyou,youdon'thavetodoitjustbecauseeverybodyisdoingit.”Ashespoke,IwonderedhowmuchIstillallowedotherstoinfluenceme.

At thispoint inmy life, Iwaspretty confident that Iwasdefinitely straightwithmyself,butyouneverknowinwhat insidiouswaysyouare influencedby theopinionsofothers. IhaveavividmemoryofwhenIbecamestraightwithmyself.Onecold, rainynightshortlyaftermydivorce,mycarhad leftmestrandedonabusy roadafterwork. Itwas threeo'clock in themorning,and I was onmy way to pick up Chris from the babysitter's house.WhilewalkingtofindaphoneboothinthepouringrainandthinkingIdidnotreallyhaveanyonetocall,Ireallygraspedthestarknessofbeingcompletelyalone.

Fora time Ihad isolatedmyself frombothmy familyandmy friends.As Istarted to sink deeply into self-pity, something inme said, “Well you cameintothis lifealoneandyouwill leavealone;whatyoudowiththemiddleisreallyuptoyou.”AsIabsorbedthisaloneness,IrealizedthatIfeltveryclosetotheedgeoflife.InolongerfeltthatIhadtheinsulationofafamilyorevenclose friends. I realized that the insulation Ihadfeltbeforewasonlya falsesense of security anyway. In reality, anything could happen to anybody,familyornofamily,friendsornofriends.Somehowthiscausedmetobecomefriendswithmyself.Beforethat,Iwas

muchmoreinfluencedbyotherpeople.WhatthatactofmakingfriendswithmyselfmeanttomewasthatIsuddenlygotextremelyhonestwithmyself.Itwasadefiningmomentforme,andfromthatpointon,I triedto tellmyselftheunvarnishedtruth.OnethingI'vediscoveredsincedoingSadhguru'sIshaYoga is thatyoustart toseeyourselfmuchmoreclearly.Moreofwhatyouaredoingcomesintoyourawareness.Manythings,likeself-centeredness,areembarrassingtosee.Thecleareryouseeyourselfandthelessdramayouaddtoyourlifethemoreyourpersonalneedsbegintoevaporate.Embarrassingornot,asyoubegintochangewithawareness,itisallabsolutelyworthwhileandessential.Asthesethoughtsdancedthroughmymind,Iglancedatmywatch.Iwas

surprisedwhenIsawitwasalready2:20a.m.Timeseemedtobeflyingaswesattogetheronourprivateislandaroundthewarm,glowingfire.As Sadhguru talked, we each helped to keep the fire burning. I became

deeply aware of my surroundings: the slight breeze that danced across ourfaces, thesmellsof the lakeandthefire,positivelydelicious in theirearthlyfamiliarity. The fire was so warm and soothing as we sat on the island. IlookedatSadhguruandheseemedtoknowthatwewerenotreadytoleave.Iventuredtoaskanotherquestion.“Sadhguru,” I said, “I always thought that lovewas theultimate,butyou

said there ismore.” Iwas referring to the conundrumhe had posed formeearlierthatevening.“Whatisthismore?Istheresuchathingasdivinelove?”Aftera fewmomentshesaid,“Love isahumanemotion. It isoneof the

mostbeautifulthingsahumanbeingiscapableof.Manyculturesorso-calledcivilizations have suppressed love. Many people have made an enormouseffort toexportlovetoheaven.Loveisoftheearth,oftheheart thatisyou.There has been too much talk about how love is God. You do not knowwhetherGodisloveornot,butifyouarewilling,youcanbelove.Loveisahumanemotion.Humanbeingsarecapableofimmenselove.Youdonotneed

togotoheaventoknowit.Itisthetendernessoftheheartthatyoucalllove.Youknow,evenyourdogislove.“By teachingpeople that lovecomesfromupabove,wehavemade them

moreandmoreincapableoflove.Lovecomesfromwithin,notfromabove.Ifyou free your mind of complex prejudices that you have developed byidentifying yourselfwith one thing or the other, youwill see that it is verynaturalandspontaneousforahumantobeloving.“Themomentyoudividetheworldintorightandwrong,intowhatisyours

andnotyours,intoGodandDevil,yourlovebecomesveryconditional.Itgetsenslaved to the external situations and it will nomore be your quality, butsomething thatwill onlyhappenbecause someone else or something else iswonderful.“Toputitsimply,asahumanbeingexperientially,youarejustthesefour

things:body,mind,emotion,andenergy.Rightnow,thecombinationofthesefour is what you call ‘myself.’ The best the body can reach is health andpleasure.Thebestyourmindcanachieveisjoyfulnessandpeace.Thepeakofyouremotions is love.Yourenergiescan reverberateeitherwithamundanefeeblenessorwith agreat intensityof ecstasy.Theseare theonly realmsofexperiencethatareavailabletoyouasofnow.“Generally,peopledonotknowmuchintensityofbody,mind,andenergy,

but they are capable of intense emotions, whatever those may be—anger,hatred, jealousy, love,or compassion.Formostpeople, emotion is themostintensepartofthem,anditdominatesanddecidesthegeneralqualityoftheirlives.And,loveisthesweetestofallemotions.“Ifyouasksomeonewhethertheywouldliketobehealthyorunhealthyin

theirbody,orhappyorunhappyintheirmind,youknowtheobviouschoice.Similarly, on the plane of your emotions, would you want to be loving orhateful or angry? If you are using your sense, you would naturally chooselove.“When I say the word ‘love,’ probably you think in terms of loving

somebody,butloveisnotaboutsomeoneelse;itisyourquality.Justashealthisofthebodyandhappinessisofthemind,loveisyouremotion.Iftheoneswhom you love verymuch are not in your physical presence, you are stillcapableoflovingthem,aren'tyou?Ifthepeopleyouloveceasetoexistasyouare sitting on this island, you can sit here and still continue to love them.Manypeoplefindtheexpressionoftheirloveonlywhensomeoneisdeadorabout to die. We always love the dead, don't we?” He laughed beforecontinuing.

“Everyhumanbeingiscapableofbeingabsolutelyloving,buteachonehasissueswithalmosteverythingandeverybodyaroundhim.Hehasgottenintoamental state where no one in the world is okay except himself. Thediscriminatorydimensionofhismindhasgoneberserk.“Sincerelylookatyourselfandsee.Lookatthedearestpersoninyourlife

andseehowmany layersof resistance to themyouhave.Themomentyourmind says that someone or something is not okay, you cannot love. Youcannot love that which is not okay. As people make themselves more andmore incapable of love with their judgments and opinions, the need forbelongingforcesthemintoacompulsiveanddestructivesenseofattachment.“Loveisyourquality.Youarejustusingthingsandpeoplearoundyouas

stimulitofindexpressionforthisquality.Ifyoubringsufficientawarenesstothe discriminatory intellect, loving is the onlyway you can be.Love is notwhatyoudo.Loveiswhatyouare.“Ifyoulookatloveasanemotion,seecarefullywhatitsobjectiveis.When

yousay‘Ilovesomebody’onanemotionalplane,youarelongingtobecomeone with that person, so it is really oneness you are seeking. There issomethingwithinyouthatfeelsinsufficientthewayyouarerightnow.Thus,you long to include another as a part of yourself. If this longing finds aphysical expression, we call it sex. If it finds a mental expression, it getslabeledasambitionorgreed.Whenitfindsanemotionalexpression,youcallitloveorcompassion.“Loveisjustlifelongingforitself.Thislongingisalongingtobecomeall-

inclusive.Tobecomeall-inclusiveistobecomeboundless.But,theseattemptstoward boundlessness and all-inclusiveness through physical, mental, andemotionalmeanswill remainalways justa longing.Many times lovemakesyou feel that you have reached boundlessness, but you always fall back torealizeitwasnotso.“Ifonetranscendsthediscriminatoryintellect,”hesaid,“thenyouattaina

stateofsamadhi.Samameansequanimity;dhimeansintellect.Itisastateofboundlessnessandecstasy that isbeyond the limitationsofbody,mind, andemotions.Whether yougo after sex,money, or love, boundlessness iswhatyouarelookingfor.Whenalargepartofyouisstillunconscious,thelongingremainsandyoudonotfindthefulfillment,theultimate.Ifboundlessnessiswhatyouarelookingfor,whynotapproachitdirectly?”I listenedinsilence,butasilenceinwhichmymindcontinuedtowork.I

thought,Soifboundlessnessiswhatwereallywantbehindeveryotherdesireandlonging,whatisthepropervehicle?LookingatSadhgurusittingtherein

utter stillness, I wondered if he was the vehicle that could take us to thebeyond.Withoutlookingatmehesaid,“Withthesemanyquestionsonyourmind,youcannotpiggybackaride.”Headded,“Let'ssaythatwhileridinginthepontoonboat,wewanttogotothemoon.Ifweattemptitinthatboat,wewill not go anywhere.Youwill either crash upon the bank or dive into thewater, mistaking a reflection for the real. To go to the moon you need anappropriatevehicle.Trying to reachboundlessness throughphysical realitiesamountstothesame:goingtothemooninapontoonboat.”

Astheeveningwounddown,thesilenceseemedtogrowdeeperwithinme.MymindkeptreturningtothathauntingmantraSadhguruhadchanted,andasI thought of it, the fire, the evening, the peace, the quiet, and thecompanionship all let me slip naturally and easily into meditation. In thatmeditativestate,Ifeltaliveandathome,perhapsmoresothaneverbefore.Itwasanincredibleexperienceofjustbeing:pure,objectlessconsciousnessthatis timeless, without space, and indescribably joyful. This larger presenceseemedtoexpandfromdeepinsideme.“Sadhguru,”Isaid,“thatmantrayouchantedtonight issostirring.Where

diditcomefrom?Isitancient?”“Thestirringisnotjustamantra.Themantraisjustamedium.Actually,it

isnotancient,”hesaid.“ItcametomewhenIwasintheHimalayas,butthatisalongstory.”“Willyoutellusthestory?”Iasked,sohebegan.“AboveKedar,whereyoutrekkedlastyear,isaplacecalledKantiSarovar.

Generally,peopledonotgothere.Itisaverytrickyclimb.SeveralyearsagoItrekkedupthereandjustsatonarock.Anyway,foryourinformation,thisisthe site of the first yoga program on the planet. The legend says that fortythousand years ago Shiva, the first yogi and the first guru of the yogatradition,expoundedthesystemofyogainitsfullglory,depth,anddimensiontothesevensages,whoarereveredinIndiaastheSapthaRishis.“Itisverydifficulttoputthisintowords,butaftersometimewhileIwas

justsittingthere,everythinginmyexperienceturnedintosound.Mybody,themountain, the lake in front ofme, everything became sound. It took on the

sound form. You know,modern science has now proved that the whole ofexistenceisjustvibration.Doyouknowthis?“Quantumtheorynowsaysthereisnomatter,justthevibrationofenergy.

Whereverthereisvibration,thereisboundtobesound.Thequestionalwayscomesthatifitissound,whycan'tIhearit?Youcannothearitbecauseyourhearingislimitedtoasmallbandoffrequencies.“The frequencies thatareaboveyourhearingareknownas theultrasonic

frequencies, and the frequencies that are below your hearing are known assubsonic frequencies. What a transistor does is convert a frequency youcannothearintooneyoucanhear.So,wealreadyknowthatthereismuchwecannothearandthatthewholeofexistenceissound.“WhileIwassittingthereaboveKedar,everythingbecamethesoundform

andwas just going on inme in a completely differentway. Even though IhaveadeepappreciationofSanskrit,Ineverbotheredtolearnitbecausemyownvisionhadnever failedmeand Ididnotwant to read theancient textswritteninSanskritandcluttermyselfwithallthetraditionalwhatever.SohereIam,sittingwithmymouthclosed—Iamveryclearaboutthat—butmyownvoice isgoingon loudly,as if it isonamicrophone, loudlysinginga song,anditisintheSanskritlanguage,andIamthesong.“ThatsongwastheoneIchanted,theNadhaBrahma.”The three of us sat enveloped in a warm deep silence before Sadhguru

smiled and said, “Cheryl, we are going to have to continue this tomorrowevening.Thenightisslippingaway.”Ididnotwanttoleave,butIcouldnotprolongourtimeontheislandany

longer.Ilookedatmywatchinamazement;itwasalreadyalmostfouro'clockinthemorning.Amerefourhourshadpassedsincewefirstventuredintothedarkandgoton theboat tocome to this island.Andyet,over thecourseofthose four hours, I knew that I had been very near the ultimate, where theworld takes on formswedo not know.Asweprepared to leave, I thought,everythingissomuchstrangerthanIeverimagined.Andyet,itwasabouttogetstrangerstill....

CHAPTERFIVE

NightTwo:DivineBliss

“Allthatyoudesireeitherforthingsorpeopleorpowerisathirsttoincludeeverythingasapartofyourself.Itisyourlongingfor

boundlessness,yourinfinitenature.”—Sadhguru

I awoke the following day still invigorated by our conversation on theisland and eager for our next one to begin.But true to hisword, Sadhgurustayed behind closed doors in his own quarters. Since during the day heneededonly the fruit andwaterwe left in his room,Leela and I decided tohikenearbyWhitesideMountain,whichispartoftheAppalachianmountainsystem.Formed 950million years ago, theAppalachians rose higher than twenty

thousand feet above sea level in some places in prehistoric times, but therangeunderwentwidespread,prolongedcyclesoferosion,andtodayitspeaksareconsiderablylower.Whiteside,saidtobeoneoftheoldestmountainsontheplanet, isnowoneof thehigherpeaks in thesouthernAppalachiansatamere4,930feet.Aswebeganourhike, I thoughtofSadhguru's loveofmountainsandhis

deeprelationshiptothem.Whathewasdoingduringthedaymusthavebeenprettyimportantforhimtomissthisgorgeousday.IwasgladhetoldmehewouldgetinatleastonehikewithusbeforeweleftNorthCarolinaattheendoftheweek.Withwaterandsnacksinourbackpacks,wewerereadytogoinnotime,

and we felt carefree as we walked into the bright sunshine of a southernhighlands morning. Overhead, the sky was brilliant blue and dotted withpuffy,whitecloudcolumnsthatreachedfromhighintheatmospheretoveryneartheground,sonearyoufeltyoucouldtouchthem.Soonwereachedthenearbypointwhere the trailbegins itsascentup theslope,andweenteredashaded corridor that cut through young trees, their trunks spindly with the

effortofsendingtheirheadsupintothelight.AttheirfeetsproutedsomeofEarth's most luxurious vegetation. Wild mountain flowers bloomed amongmasses of green moss, azaleas, feathery ferns, and stands of polishedrhododendron.Fartheron,wesawlargeoaks,spruce,andhemlocktreeswithgreatlimbs

thatcanopiedthetrailandformedhigh,commodiousnooksandcrannies.Wewalkedbyrockwallshackedoutwhenthetrailwasbuilt,someofthemwetfrom water seeping its way to creeks that eventually emptied into theCullasajaRiver.Afterwe had trekked for awhile,we reached the summit,where the view opened up and we could see the hazy, tree-softened GreatSmokyMountainsspreadbeforeus.Fortypercentof thearea isundisturbednational forest, and there is so much variation in elevation that manywaterfallsgushandglistendowntheslopes.All this beauty was the reason I had chosen to have a cabin on the

magnificentHighlandsCashiersPlateau,oneoftheprettiestplacesIhaveseenanywhere in theworld. I planned tomake sure Sadhguru hiked this trail atleastonce.Leelaand I foundasecludedplace tositand talk,and theday flewby. I

was very curious about many things I had seen happening to people atSadhguru's advanced programs, and I was also interested in knowingmoreabout Leela—why she was here and how she had changed since meetingSadhguru.Unlikemostpeople,Leeladoesnot talkaboutherself easily.ShedidtellmethatshehadbeenaroundSadhguruforsixteenyearsandthatshehad come to be with him because she wanted to be completely free of alllimitations. Butmostly,we talked about the intense experiences I had seenpeopleundergoinSadhguru'spresence.Leelasaidshethoughtthatthespeedof one's transformation had to do with how open and willing one is totransforminthepresenceoftheguru.Betweenthetwoofus,weplannedtodiscussthisandseveralothertopicswithSadhgurulaterthatevening.We were back at the cabin by mid-afternoon, tired but happy. Later, as

nightfell,weworkedtogetherinthekitchen,exchangingjokesandenjoyingwarmtimesaswepreparedafittingmeal.Ihelpedwiththesalad,whileshedid the gourmet cooking. She prepared a South India feast ofmasala dosa(mashed potatoes and traditional Indian spices), sambar (yellow lentils andvegetables), rice, cauliflower pickles, a delicious spicy cabbage dish, and aricepudding.With the cooking done and the dinner laid out, we awaited Sadhguru's

arrival. Itwas about10:20p.m.whenhewalkeddown the stairs to joinus,

andwithhimcamethesoothingquietnessandastoundingsenseofintensityheexudes,whichneverfailstosendajoltthroughme.AfterdinnerIspedthroughwashingthedishesandthen,likeatroopleader,

hustledmyvisitorsoutintothecoolnightair.Sincethislocaleisarainforest,theweatherherechangesasquicklyasitdoesinthetropics.Wehadenjoyedthewarmsunandabrilliantblueskyduring theday,but thatnighta foggymist rose like a curtain from the lake, and overhead, clouds obscured themoonandstars.Wewerehardpressedtofindourwaytotheislandanddidsoonlywiththehelpofthedimheadlightontheboat,Sadhguru'smemory,andalargeflashlightIbroughtalong.Sadhguru was as undeterred by the fog as he had been by any other

difficultyIhadseenhimencounter,andagainhedrovetheboatatfullspeedoverthelake.Thistime,Iwasoftwomindsabouthispassionforspeed.Iwasapprehensiveabout the lowvisibility,but settledby thecoolassurancewithwhichhehandledtheboat.Iwasgladwewouldquicklyreachourdestinationandbereadytotalkagain.When we laid anchor at the island, Leela and I helped Sadhguru gather

wood, and he began to build a fire aswe unloaded the blankets, flashlight,tortillachips,andsalsaIhadbroughtwithus.Bythetimewewerethrough,Sadhguruhadaroaringblazethatsentsparksintotheinkynight,andhewassittingcross-leggedbeforeit.Seeinghimthere,asenseofdéjàvucameoverme.Wewerehereagainasifweneverhadleft,insidethecirclemadebytheglowingfire,listeningtotheowlscallandthewaterpatientlylapagainsttheboat,andsittinginthepresenceofabeingsocompellingitseemedtomehisimprintwouldforeverremainonthislittleplotofearth.Howgooditwastobeherewithhim!Aswesatforamomentinsilence,Ithoughtaboutlastnight'sconversation

andtheguru'sshortdiscussionofsamadhi. Infact, thoughtsofsamadhihadbeenonmymindallday.Iknewitmeantastateofbliss,butIalsoknewthemeaningwasmorecomplicatedthanwhatthatshortdefinitionimplied.Ihadmanyquestions. I stilldidnotunderstand itsqualities,ormore to thepoint,howonecametoit.Itseemedthattheword“samadhi”wasusedtodescribemany different states of being.Were the people I had seen at the advancedprograms experiencing it? Did it lead to enlightenment? Was it a taste ofenlightenment, or was it enlightenment itself?Was it a temporary mergingwithGod,orwasitpermanent?WhenJesussaid,“Thekingdomofheaveniswithinyou,”washespeakingofthisbliss?

“Sadhguru,”Isaid,“willyou talk toussomemoreaboutsamadhi? Istillhavemany questions. Besides what I have read, I saw a grave in India onwhichwaswrittentheword‘Samadhi.’Whatdoesthatmean?Doyouhavetodietoreachastateofsamadhi?”Iasked,halfinjest,becauseIknewitwassaidthathewasinaperpetualsamadhi,orblissstate.Sadhgurulaughedoutloud.Heisamanofquickwitandeasylaughter,and

he enjoys subtlety. “Most people only experience peace and transcendencewhen they are dead,” he said. “You know, in America you say, ‘Rest inpeace,’ even as whole lives go by in restlessness. Have you heard of thatwomanwhomadea tombstoneforherhusbandwithan inscription, ‘Rest inpeaceuntilwemeetagain’?”Heaskedwhilestilllaughing.“Restinginpeace,unfortunately,comesformostpeopleonlyindeath.“Samadhimeansastateinwhichonehastranscendedthelimitationsofthe

bodyandmind,and thismusthappen in lifeandnot indeath.So, for thosewhoareinastateofsamadhi,thereisnosuchthingasdeath.Deathbelongstotherealmofthebody.“Yourbody is just somethingyouaccumulated. It is apieceofearthyou

imbibedthroughfood.Thisisjustapieceofearth,”hesaid,tappinghischest,“prancing around like this. Your body is on loan from the planet. All thecountlessnumbersofpeoplewhohavelivedonthisplanetbeforeyouandmehaveallbecometopsoil,andsowillyou.Thisplanetwillcollectbackatombyatomwhatithasloanedtoyou.Nointerest,though,”hesaid,winking.“Ifoneisconstantly,experientiallyawarethatboththebodyandthemind

areaccumulationsonehasgathered,thenthatissamadhi.Youareinthebody,butyouarenotit.Youareofthemind,butyouarenotit.Thatmeansyouareabsolutely free of suffering because whatever suffering you have knownentersyoueitherthroughthebodyorthroughthemind.Onceyourawarenessiskeenenough tocreatea spacebetween these twoaccumulationsandwhoyoureallyare—thisistheendofallsuffering.“The root of ignorance is in being identifiedwith the accumulations you

call the body and mind. Your clarity of vision is cluttered with all youridentificationsandyourpersonality.Itisbecauseofthislimitedidentificationthatthedistinct linesbetweenwhatismeandwhatisyouhavebeendrawn.Alldisharmony,conflict,andsufferingare rooted in this.Samadhi isastate

whereyouhaveobliteratedthesedistinctions,andyouarelookingbeyondthewall.“Samadhicanbeastep towardenlightenment,but it isnotessentiallyso.

Stayinginthesestatescertainlyhastensone'srealizationofboundlessnessbysettingupaclearspacebetweenwhat isyouandwhat isnotyou.However,onecanknowandenjoythesestatesbutstillnotknowtheessentialnatureofexistenceorbecomeliberatedfromallthecompulsiveaspectsoflife.”“I'vewonderedaboutthepeopleIseeattheIshaprogramswhoappearbe

to sitting in ecstasy for hours, tears streaming down their faces. Are thesepeopleinasamadhistate?”“Yes,whatyouarewitnessingintheadvancedprogramsarevariouslevels

ofsamadhi.Samadhiisacertainstateofequanimity,wheretheintellectgoesbeyonditsnormalfunctionofdiscrimination.Oncetheintellectisonhold,theboundaryofwhatisyouandwhatisnotyoucollapses.“The very nature, purpose, and energy of a guru is to dismantle and

dissolve the limitations. In my presence, you will always feel theinsignificance of your physical and psychological needs because my veryenergy is tuned toward alienating you from them or creating a distancebetweenyouandyourmindandbody.EverythingIdoorsayisaimedtowardthat.Onceyouallowmyenergy to seep intoyou,youwillbe inasamadhistate.Howfaryougodependsonhowfaryouarewillingtoallowyourselftogo.AllthetalkingIdoisjusttocoaxyoutoallowmetoenterbetweenyouandyourbody-mind.“ManypeopleenterecstaticstatesthemomentIwalkintotheplacewhere

they are, even if they have their eyes closed, or even if they are mentallyunawareofmyphysicalpresence.”I had seen that for myself. Many of my friends get so ecstatically

intoxicatedthatforcertainperiodsoftimetheyhavetobehelpedaroundlikelittle children or have to be supported as if they are inebriated, but soblissfully inebriated that something in me longed to experience and knowwhattheyweregoingthrough.Itwasdifficultformetorealizeandacceptthatthisdidnothappentomenotbecauseofmybalanceorstability,butbecauseofmy insecurity and fear of losing control. Iwas not comfortablewith theabsoluteabandonwithwhichSadhguruandsomeothersat Ishasing,dance,andaboveall,liveeverymomentoftheirlives.SadhgurumadeitcleartomethatwhatIthinkiscontrolisactuallysuppression.“But,onecanknowandenjoythesestatesandstillnotknowtheessential

natureofexistenceorbecome liberated.Youmaymeditate for twelveyearsand then come out of it, and even then you may not be a realized being,althoughyoumaybealittlecloser.Whenyougointoanotherrealityandstaythereforlonghoursoryears,thegripofthispresentrealityisbrokenforyouandyouhaveanexperientialunderstandingthatpresentrealityisnotallthereis.That'sthewholepurposeoflongmeditations.“Thesestatesarenotuniquetoyogis.Mysticsandsaintsfromalltraditions

haveexperiencedandspokenaboutthesethings.OneoftheChristiansaints,SaintJohnoftheCross,spokeofthenecessitytogobeyondalltheboundariesonehasknown.Form,hesaid,mustyieldtotheformlessinorderforthesoultobefullyemptied.”Later I looked for Saint John's words. The quote reads this way: “Even

visionsof theholyChristcrucified,ofGodinresplendentmajesty,orof theheavenlyeffulgencemustbereleasedinordertoreachdivineunion.”“In IshaYoga,” Sadhguru said, “we have created powerfully consecrated

spaces,whereexperiencingasamadhistatecomesaboutverynaturally.Thesesamadhisareverypleasant,blissful,andecstatic.Therearealsosamadhisthatarebeyondthis.“Onceyouare liberatedfromall thatyouthinkisyou,youwillknowthe

blissfulness of creation and creator.This blissfulness is the basis for you toexperiencedimensionsbeyondthephysical,anditisthebasisoftrueloveandcompassion.“Onewhoisconcernedaboutthepossibilityofhisownsufferingcannever

know true love and compassion. Only when you are no longer concernedaboutyourselfcanyoutrulylove.”“ButSadhguru,”Isaid,“isn'tloveaboutgivingandtaking?”He shook his head gently. “Love is neither giving nor taking. It is your

longing to include the other as part of yourself. Giving and taking arearrangementsyoumakeforthefulfillmentoftheneedsyouhavewithinyou.Needs areofmanykinds: physical,mental, emotional, social, and financial.Fulfillingtheseneedsisapartofyoursurvivalprocess,butthisisnotlove.“HaveItoldyouthestoryoftheprettywomaninthepark?”Heaskedwith

a smile. He is not one to hide his delight at the prospect of sharingmischievous, oftenbiting, stories that usuallymakeapointwith equalpartsbrutal impactandcompassionateclarity. I indicated that Ihadnotheard thestory, and he began. “One afternoon,” he said, “it happened that ShankaranPillaiwenttothepark.Whenhearrived,therewasaprettywomansittingona

bench. Shankaran Pillai settled down on the same bench, and after a fewminuteshemovedalittleclosertothewoman.Shemovedalittlefartherawayfromhim, andagainhemoveda little closer.Shemoved farther,hemovedcloser,andshepushedhimaway.Hegotdownonhiskneesandsaid,‘Iloveyou.IloveyoulikeI'veneverlovedanybodyinmylife.’“You know, women are sometimes fools for love, and things happened

betweenthem.Atsevenforty-fiveintheevening,however,hesaid,‘Ihavetogo home!’ She said, ‘What? You are leavingme?You said you loveme!’ShankaranPillaireplied,‘Yes,butmywifeiswaitingathome!’”Sadhgurulaughed(Ididnotthinkthatparticularjokewasthatfunny)and

thenhegottothepoint.“Now,this‘Iloveyou’hasbecomeakindofmantra,an open sesame,” he said. “You can getwhat youwant just by using thosewords.What is reallymeant insteadof ‘I loveyou’ is ‘Ihave someneeds Iwanttofulfill.’“Ofcourse,everyonedoeshaveneedstheywantfulfilled.Thereisnothing

wrongaboutitandnothingrightaboutit.Ifyouseethisclearly,thenthereisapossibility you can grow into your love.What is important is that you aresincereand truthfulwithyourselfabout it. In truth,onlywhenyouhave theother's well-being uppermost in your mind do you have a taste of love.Otherwise,allyouhaveisamutual-benefitsscheme.Inthissituation,ifyourneedsarenotfilled,yourso-calledlovewillgoaway.“Falling in lovewhereyourpersonalitygoesaway isawayofdissolving

yourlimitedselforyourperson,anditcanbecomeadoorwaytothebeyond.“Youearlierasked if there is sucha thingasdivine love.Love isalways

divine. When you are touched by love, you are still here, but you do notbelonghere.“However, if you are asking whether God loves you, you know many

people are proclaiming that God loves them. The way they have madethemselves,onlyGodcanlovethem.PeoplearemakingthemselvesinawaythatonlyGodcanlove.Makingyourselfinawaythatpeoplecannothelpbutlove you is significant. Being in a statewhere onlyGod can love you is apatheticwaytoexist,isn'tit?”Heaskedandlaughed.“Jesustoldyouto‘lovethyneighbor.’Lovingyourneighbordoesnotmean

fallinginlovewiththemanorwomannextdoor.‘Neighbor’meanswhoeverisnexttoyourightnow,irrespectiveofwhotheyareorwhattheyare.Lovingthiswaymeans that love isyourquality. Ithasnothing todowith theotherperson. This love is given as freely and naturally as a flower exudes its

fragrance. How can you love one and hate another when the same divineexistsinall?”“So,islovethewaytomergeintooneness?”Iasked.“Theinstrumentsformergingintoone'sultimateunionaremany.Loveis

onewaytogetthere.Withintensityofemotion,onecangetthere.Withrazor-sharpawareness,onecangetthere.Theverybreathisaunionwithexistence.There aremany possibilities. One can also come to this by doing the yogapracticesyouaredoingnow.Generally,wearetalkingaboutusingloveasaninstrumentbecauseitisapleasantwayofdoingthings.Atthesametime,youneedtounderstandthatintheprocessoflove,youmaygetsoentangledthatyoumaynotgoanyfurtheratall.“Now,whensomepeopledeclarethatloveisGod,theymaybecontentand

not want to go any further. They just want to remain in that little bit ofpleasantness.Iwantyoutounderstandthis.Youarenotseekingsex,orlove,or ambition—although these things allow you to experience a little bit ofblissfulness.So,loveisjustacurrencyforyourblissfulness.”Helookedatmewithhisheadtiltedandhiseyesshining,waitingformy

next inevitable question. Iwatched the flames dancing over thewood for amomentbeforeIspokeagain.“So,areyousayingthatloveisdefinitelysomethingdifferentfrombliss?”I

asked.“Cheryl, please understand this. The reason that you want to love

somebodyisbecauseitgivesyousomesenseofblissfulness.But,youwillnotbe able to be blissful all the time. Sometimes you will be blissful, butsometimes you will still be anxious andmiserable. Sometimes you will befrustrated. So, love is not bliss. Love may lead to certain moments ofblissfulness.Sexmaylead tocertainmomentsofblissfulness.Fulfillmentofambition may lead to certain moments of blissfulness. All these are justinstrumentsthatallowyoutobecometemporarilyblissful.Onceyoubecometrulyblissful,allthepreviouspeakexperiencesofyourlife,likesex,ordrugs,orwhatever,willlooklikeabsolutekidsstuff.IwantyoutobetotallyecstaticanddrunkontheinsidelikeIam.”I remembered reading aboutRamakrishnaParamahamsa saying, “Ohyou

boys, chasing after woman and gold when every pore of my body isorgasmic.”IfiguredSadhguruwassayingthesamething.“Ifyouareblissful,willyouseeksexor love?Theanswer isyouwilldo

whatisneededandappropriate.Itisnotthatyouwillbeincapableofsex,or

love,orambition.Allthesethingsyouwillbecapableof.Itisjustthatyouarechasing thembecause you do not knowhow to bring forth the blissfulness,whichistheverybasisofwhoyouare.Youarechoosingroundaboutwaystogetthere.“Whatyoucallsex,love,ambition,orgreedisjustlife'slongingforitself.

All you are longing for is to have a larger slice of life. Everything you aredoinginyourlifeisjustthis.Itislife'slongingtoincludeandknowitselfinitstotality.“Whetheryouareawareofitornot,youbelievethatifyoubecomejusta

littlebitmore,youwill feel settled.Themomenta littlemorehappens,youlongforalittlemoreandalittlemore.Yourthirstisnotalongingforthings,or people, or power. Your thirst is your longing for boundlessness, yourinfinitenature.“Doyousee that there issomethinginyouthatdoesnot likeboundaries?

Even though this instinct for selfpreservation in you continually fixes orcreatesboundaries,youstillnotdolikeboundaries.Thereissomethingwithinyouthatwantstogobeyondtheboundaries,tohaveandknowalargersliceoflife.Howlargeasliceoflifewouldsettleyouforgood?”heasked.“Nothinghas ever settledme forgood,nomatterhowwonderfulmy life

mightbeatanygiventime,”Ianswered.“Even if I were tomake you queen of the planet— don't worry, I won't

makesuchamistake—wouldn'tyoudefinitelylooktothestarsformore?”IcouldseeoutofthecornerofmyeyethatLeelafoundtheimageofmeas

a queen a really funny one, and I looked at her and grinned. Sadhguru,however,wentonasifhedidn'tnotice.“Please examine this. Is your desire really formoney, or just expansion?

Hmm? It may be seeking money, pleasure, property, love, this, that, orwhatever.But,fundamentally,itisseekingexpansion.Whateveryouachieveto satiate your desire, it is not working. Your desire is asking for the nextthingandthenextthing.“Now, if you are aware that desire is only a seeking for expansion, how

much do you want to expand? How much will do? You want to becomeunlimited. Desire is a spiritual process, but it is finding an unconsciousexpression.“The very moment your unbounded nature got trapped in your limited

body,desirewasborn.Itisonlybecauseofdesirethataspiritualprocesscanbe initiatedbecause there is adesire tobecomeunbounded. If thisdesire to

become unbounded is finding unconscious expression, we call this amaterialisticwayoflife.Ifthesamedesireisfindingaconsciousexpression,then we say the spiritual process is underway. Both are the same. One ishappeningwitheyesclosedandtheotherwitheyesopen.Youhavetowalkapath.So,shallyouwalkitwitheyesclosedoreyesopen?Thosearetheonlychoices.Evenifyouwalkwithyoureyesopen,therearemanypitfalls,butifyouwalkwith your eyes closed, there is almost no chance of finding yourway.“Youareseekingunboundedexpansion.Seekitconsciously.Ifyouseekit

unconsciously, your lifewill go towaste asyoudomany stupid things thatwon'tmeananythingtoyoutowardtheend.“Seekingexpansionconsciouslydoesnotrestrictyoufromdoinganything.

See, what you do, what kind of clothes you wear, and what you eat havenothing to dowith your spirituality.Whether you arewalking throughyourlife consciously iswhatmatters. It's notwhatyouaredoing. It's aboutwithwhatlevelofawarenessyouperformanactivity.“Mywish andmy blessing is that youwillwalkwith your eyes open in

yourlife.”That is alsomywish forme, I thought. I was so grateful that Sadhguru

showedupinmylife.ItwasdifficulttobelieveIhadonlyknownhimsuchashort time and that so much had already changed. As I was listening toSadhguru,Iheardabreezestir throughthe trees.Lookingup,Isawthat thecloudshadthickened,anditlookedlikeitcouldrainatanyminute.“Now,whenIsay‘innerengineering,’”Sadhgurucontinued,“Iamtalking

about just bringing forth the basic blissfulness in you, giving it expression.Thereasonithasnotfoundexpressionisthatyourphysicalbody,yourmentalbody, and your energy body are not properly aligned. If these three areproperlyaligned,theinnerblissfulnesswillnaturallyfindexpression.Onceitpermeates every cell in your body, you are no longer sexual, loving, orambitious.Youarecapableofall these things,butyourexistence isbeyondthis.Youarestillpartoftheworld,butyouaretouchedbythedivine,whichwill leaveyou in exalted statesof exuberance. It is this exuberanceyou areseeking through money, power, sex, love, God— whatever may be yourcurrency.Allthatyouareseekingistoheightentheexperienceofyourlifetoitsultimatepossibility.”In the silence that followed his words, I thought about the vast sea of

humanity of which I am part and how we are constantly looking forsomething,strivingtowardsomething,failingagainandagainandtryingover

againandagain.Iwasbeginningtounderstandthatallthislongingisonlyanunconscious expression of life trying to find its way to its natural peak. Ibecame keenly aware of the crackling of the fire. It seemed tome that thewood was burning away like the fancy ideas I'd had. I knew that I reallyunderstoodverylittle.Infact,themoretimeIspentwithSadhguru,themoreIrealizedhowlittleIknewaboutanythingthatreallymatters.Icouldseehowmost of us cling to our thoughts, opinions, ideas, and emotions becausewehavenoperceptionof thereal truthabout lifeand love.Even thoughallmylifeIhadthoughtofmyselfasaseekeroftruth,Ihadfailedtograspeventhesimplestrealitiesofmyownexistence.Inmyattempttosettlemydiscomfort,I had been living with many incorrect, fixed conclusions about things thatwereimmenselyimportanttome,butthatwerestilloutofmyexperienceandunderstanding.

As I thought about my own perceptions juxtaposed with Sadhguru'spenetrationofthemostprofoundaspectsoflifeanddeath,Iwascompelledtoaskhimhowheattainedhisclarityofvision.Iwantedtoknowhowhegottowhere he is now. After some time, I asked him to tell me the story of hispresentlifetimeandhowhegotenlightened.AlthoughIhadreadpartsofthestory,Ilongedtohearitfromhim.Hebegan,speakingasifheweretalkingaboutsomethingthathadoccurred

just yesterday. Iwas not surprised. I and others havemarveled at his vividmemory,noticinginparticularthethousandsofpeoplewhosenamesandlifedetails he easily recalls. “I never really was a child in my life,” he began.“When I look back, I can clearly remember all the things that happenedaround me. I even remember situations that occurred during my infancy. Iremembervividlywhowas ina room,what theroomlooked like,whatwassaid,andwhatsomeonewaswearing.MymotherusedtobestunnedwhenIwould describe in detail events and conversations I witnessed when I wasthree to sixmonths old. Even as a child Iwas thinking the sameway I donow.”Sadhgurusaidthatasayoungsterhehadbeencalled“Jaggi,”shortforhis

birthname,“Jagadish.”Manyyearslaterhetookthenameweknowhimbynow. He was a taciturn and yet quite joyful child, he said. Also, he was

fiercelyindependent.Hedislikedbeingcoddledandwalkedaloneveryearly,evenashisolderbrotherwasstillbeingcarriedinsomeone'sarms.Healwaysseemed much older and wiser than his years and his friends and familymembers often came to him with their problems. Even his mother wouldconfideinhim,andthen,realizingwhatshewasdoing,wouldask,“WhyamItellingyouallthis?Youareonlyaboy.”Indeed, young Jaggi's loving, perceptive mother was often surprised and

conflictedby theboy'swordsandactions.Onesuchreactionoccurredwhenhewasaboutelevenyearsold.Onthisoccasion,whichhevividlyremembers,somethingpromptedhismothertoexpressherselftohiminatenderway.Thisrarely happened in those days, he said, sincemost Indianmothers were socompletely devoted to their children that their love was obvious. Findingwordsfortheirlovewasrare.Aftershespoketohiminthisway,herespondedwithwhatseemedtohim

a simple, perfectly logical question. “If I had been born in the house nextdoor,” he asked, “would you still feel this same way about me?” She wastakenaback.Tearsfilledhismother'seyes,andshewalkedaway.Theinquirythatseemedharmlesstohimwashurtfultoher.Half anhour later, hismother returned tohim, still in tears.Silently, she

touchedhisfeetandthenwentawayagain.Jaggirealizedthathehadhurther,butinhisprecociousness,heknew,too,thatshewastryingtocometotermswiththetruthbehindhisquestion.Heknewverywellthatifhehadbeenborninto the house next door, she would not feel the same way about him. Heknewthiscausedhertostruggleinsideherselfnotonlyoverherloveforherchildren,butalsoforherhusband,herfather,hermother,hereverything.The only member of his family he never surprised, he said, was his

grandmother,who sometimes “danced in ecstasy” in his presence.Many ofthe familymembersconsideredherweirdorcrazy,buthedidnot think shewas crazy.He lovedher deeply andwas drawn to her. Shewould sing anddance and cry and throw flowers with her feet at the gods—an absolutesacrilege,but shedid it joyfullyand lovingly.Whenheaskedwhat shewasdoing,shewouldsay,“Somedayyouwillknow!”Hisgrandmotherlivedtobe113.Not surprisingly, Jaggi was so full of questions that he found it almost

impossible to sit quietly in his classes at school. He knew, too, that theteacherswere only doing their jobs and, therefore, talking about things thatmeant nothing to them in their real lives.As a result, he skipped school asoften as possible to go on hikes and treks. In spite of his absences from

school,however,examinationswerenotdifficultforJaggi.Hecouldquicklyandeasilyreadbooksandlearnallthatwasneededtopassatest.Aftertheageofaboutten,Jaggioftentrekkedtotheplacethateventually

wouldbecome the sceneofhisenlightenment. ItwascalledChamundiHill,located in the beautiful town ofMysore,where hewas born andwhere hisfamily lived much of the time while he was growing up. For him and hisfriends,thishillservedasaracetrackwheretheyrodemotorcyclesandaplaceto have parties. Later he even held businessmeetings there.But sometimeswhenhetrekkedalone,hechosetogointoother,heavilyforestedareas.Herehe would stay several days, eating the food he brought with him—a fewloavesofbreadandeggshehadboiledinsecrecy.Hedidnotaskpermissiontogotrekkingbecauseheknewitwouldnotbe

given,buthealwayslefthisparentsanotetellingthemwhenhewouldreturn,and he always returned on the day he said hewould.When he disappearedinto the forest, hewould spend thedayswalkingand sitting in the treetops,swaying with the breeze. After some time in the trees, he would becomeecstatic,blissful,butheneverrealizeduntilhewasmucholderthatontheseoccasions he was meditating. Years later, he would begin to teach otherpeopletomeditatebyswaying.Oftenhewouldreturnhomewithabagfulofsnakeshecaughtintheforest.

Hewasprofoundly fascinatedby the creatures, loved to catch them, andhewasverygoodatcatchingthem.(Whenhewasagrownman,herealizedthatthisfascinationwithserpentshadsurvivedinhimfromhundredsofyearsinthepast.)Jaggiwasseenasaverydifferentsortofboyfrommost,vibrantbutvery

quietandoffewwords.Whenhedidspeak,peoplesatupandpaidattention.Hewas also quitewild.His parentswere franticwhen he disappeared, andonce he came home, they repeatedly reprimanded him for his behavior.Predictably, they were also disturbed by his bagful of snakes. The soleredeemingaspectoftheboy'sadventureswasthathealwaysreturnedexactlywhenhesaidhewould.Jaggi'sparentstriedhardtokeephimfromacquiringthefiveortenrupees

he needed to purchase bread and eggs for his treks, but he always found away.Hisfatherallbutdespaired.Hehadnoideawhattodowithhisstrangeson.Oftenhelamentedwithhisheadinhishands,“Whatwillhappentothisboy?Whatcanwedowithhim?Hehasnofearatallinhisheart.”

Jaggi's lackof interest in formaleducationcontinuedashegrewolder.“Ipassedmypre-universitycourses,”Sadhgurusaid,“becauseIcouldjustreadabook and get what I needed to know, but then I announced that I was notgoingtogotocollege.Myfatherwasaprominentphysician,andhewantedmealsotobecomeadoctor.Myfamilydideverythingitcouldtopersuademetoattendcollege,butIrefused,saying,‘Iwilleducatemyself.’“Despiteall theprotests frommyfamily, Ididnotenroll. Instead, Ispent

mostofthatyearinthelibrary.Mornings,beforethelibrarydoorswereopen,Iwouldbe there.Alldayuntil the libraryclosed, Iwouldbe there. Igot soinvolved; foronewholeyear Ineverevenbothered tohave lunch. I learnedmoreacademicallythatyearthanIeverwouldhavelearnedifIhadenrolled.Ijust read everything from physics to philosophy, geography to history,literature toPopularMechanics magazine. During that year, I enjoyed andbecameveryinterestedinEnglishliterature.“Everyonehadbeensoangrywithme fornotgoing tocollege thatwhen

thenextacademicyearcommenced,Iletmymothercajolemeintogoingtotheuniversity.Myparentsagaintriedtopersuademetomajorinmedicine,orat the very least engineering, but I refused. I decided that if Iwent back tocollege,itwouldbeforEnglishliterature.TheyaskedmewhatIwasgoingtodowithsuchadegree—readpoetryallday?Iwasnotconcerned,asIneverhadanyintentionofcapitalizingonmyeducation.”Predictably,Jaggididnotsitdocilelyintheliteratureclasses.Findingthat

his teachers read fromprepared notes, he simply requested that they let thestudents photocopy the lecture notes so that theywould notwaste precioustime and energy in classes and the professors would not waste time andenergy reading their notes out loud. His professors were not amused, butbecause of his high grades, they let him go to college in this unorthodoxmanner for the restofhis collegeyears.His attendancewouldno longerberequired.“So I plantedmyself in the college garden,” he said, “and people started

coming tome to share theirproblems. Iwas surprised that everyonehad somany problems. I did not choose this; it just happened.”Hewas, in effect,holdingcourtintheuniversity.Eventhoughheneverhadanyproblemsofhisown,hewassympathetictowhatothersconsideredproblems.When the timecameforJaggi tograduate,hewrote fifteenpapersatone

time—and received high marks for them. Encouraged by this show ofacademic excellence, his fatherwanted his son to pursue amaster's degree.Jaggi refused, saying that enoughwas enough, and besides, he had alreadyreadeverythingonthemaster'sdegreesyllabus.Hislong-sufferingparentsatlastgaveuptryingtoinfluencetheirson'seducationalchoices,andJaggisetouttomakeenoughmoneyduringthenexttwoyearstotravel,whichwasthetimeitwouldhavetakentocompletetheadvanceddegreeprogram.“I always loved to travel and explore without having any planned

destination. It was only the border checkpoints that limitedmy travels,” hesaid. “I had already crisscrossed India on my motorcycle, and I thought Iwouldrideallovertheworld.”

SometimeafterJaggi'stwenty-fifthbirthday,hisdestinybegantounfoldonhisbelovedChamundiHillinaveryunexpectedway.He went there one afternoon and at about three o'clock, he parked his

motorcycle and sat downon a big rock that had a stunted purple berry treegrowing in its crevice. His eyes were open as he sat there, but somethingbegan to happen to him.Suddenly he did not knowwhatwas himwas andwhatwasnothim.“AllmylifeIhadthought,thisisme,”hesaid,pointingathimself.“ButnowtheairIwasbreathing,therockonwhichIwassitting,theatmospherearoundme—everythinghadbecomeme.“The more I say about this, the crazier it will sound because what was

happening is indescribable.Whatwasme had become so enormous, it waseverywhere.“Ithoughtthislastedafewminutes,butwhenIcametomynormalsenses,

itwasaboutseventhirtyintheevening.Myeyeswereopen,thesunhadset,and the sky was dark. I was fully aware, but what I had considered to bemyselfuntilthatmomenthadjustdisappeared.“HereIwas,sittingonarock,andthetearswereflowingtothepointwhere

my shirtwaswet. Iwaswildly ecstatic, although I did not knowwhatwashappeningtome.WhenIappliedmylogicalmind,theonlythingitcouldtellmewasthatIwaslosingmybalance.Thatwasallmymindcouldtellme.Ididnotknowanythingaboutspiritualexperiences.Ihadnotbeenbroughtup

inanykindofspiritual traditions.IhadbeenfedwithEuropeanphilosophy:Dostoevsky,Camus,Kafka,andthelike.“Of course, I grew up in the sixties, in the time of the Beatles and blue

jeans.ThosewerethethingsIknew,andhereIwas,explodingintosomethingcompletelybeyondmyabilitytograsp.Ididn'tknowwhatitwas,butitwassobeautifulIdidn'twanttoloseit.”About six days after this incident on Chamundi Hill, Sadhguru said, he

experienced timelessness again. He was sitting at the dinner table with hisfamily forwhathe thoughtwasaminuteor two,but in realityhewas thereseven hours, fully aware, though his old familiar self was not there.Everythingelsewasthere.This timeless,bodilessphenomenonhappenedagainandagainwithmore

andmore frequency, andeach time it happened,heneither sleptnor ate formanydays.Onestretchwasthirteendays.Hedidnotknowwhatthiswas;hedidnothaveanameforit.Thenpeoplebegan to say, “Oh,he is in samadhi,” and theyputgarlands

aroundhis neck and touchedhis feet. Somewanted to know things such aswhatthefutureheldforthemorwhentheirdaughterswouldbemarried.Hehadnowordstodescribeallthis.Everything about him began to change. The way he perceived and

experiencedlifechangeddramatically.Evenhisphysicalbodychanged—theshape of his eyes, the timbre of his voice, his body structure. The changeswere so dynamic that the people around him could clearly see he wasundergoingsomekindofmajor transformation.Afterabouteightweeks, thesamadhistatebecameanenduringreality.Thenhecontinuallysaweveryoneandeverythingaspartofhimself.Afterknowingandexperiencing theecstatic stateofall-inclusiveness that

had become continuous in him, witnessing other people going aboutunrealized in painfully limiting ways even though they had the samepossibilitywithinthem,broughthimconstantlytotearsofcompassion.Thesetearsofcompassionslowlyevolvedintoaresolvetostrivebeyondallpersonallimitations and comfort in offering this possibility to as many people aspossible. It is an expression of this resolve and compassion that led to thecreationofinnumerablepowerfulmethodstoleadpeopleintohigherstatesofexperience and awareness, which Sadhguru innovatively called InnerEngineering.Later, he said, ashebecame seasoned to this blessed state, hewasbetter

able to handle his compassion, but in the beginning it was difficult to besteady.Theenergyhadtobeexpressed.Theunboundedhadenteredhimandhecouldnothideit.Itisnosmallmatterwhenthedivinedescendsuponyou.Bythistimeinhislife,Jaggihadbuiltafewhighlysuccessfulbusinesses,

but when he began experiencing this blissful state, it also empowered himwithadeepinsightintopeople'sminds,andhefelthehadanunfairadvantageovereveryonearoundhim.Hedecidedtowalkawayfromallthebusinesseshe had painstakingly built from nothing. He began to travel, and soonlifetimes’worthofmemoriesfromthedistantpastbegantodescendonhim.“The skeptic that I was did not want to believe anything about previous

lives,”hesaid.“Iwasnotthekindtobelieveanythingofthatkind.Iwasnotsomebodywhowouldevenenteratemple.Iwasnotsomebodywhobelievedanything I couldnot seeandunderstand. I followeduponall thememoriesthatcametome.IwenttotheplacesIrecalledfrompreviouslifetimes.Imetpeopleanddidmuchskepticalanalysisofalltherevelationsthatwerecomingto me.What I was remembering was clearer than daylight, but my logicalmindwouldnotacceptit.Ihadtogothroughthewholeprocessofverifyingit.“Fromthat timeon,acertainvisionforcreatinganenergyformthat isof

immense possibilities, an expression of the compassion of my guru fromlifetimes past, became the single pointed agenda ofmy life.Themaking ofthis energy form involved complex inner processes and such unbelievabletwistsandturnsontheoutside.Peoplewhowerewitnesstoitknowmostofwhat happened. It is toomuch of a fairy tale for anyone else to believe. Iwouldnotbelieveitifsomeonetoldmeaboutit.ThatisallIcansayaboutit.”

Sadhguru'svibrantvoicefellsilent,andIfeltasifthespacearounduswaspregnant with an intense force beyond my comprehension. It wasoverwhelming.WhenIwasinIndia,ImeditatedinsidetheshrinethathousesthisenergyformcalledtheDhyanalinga:alargecylindricalstructureencasedin a seventy-six-foot dome buildingmade of burnt bricks,mudmortar, andother traditional materials. I wanted to know more about this mysteriousstructure,inwhichIhadexperiencedsuchprofoundpeace.

After sitting in deep solitude for some time, I foundmyvoice and askedhimwhatwasuppermostonmymind.“ButSadhguru,” I said,“whydidallthishappentoyou?Whywereyouchosenforenlightenment,andwhydidthemakingoftheDhyanalingabecometheagendaofyourlife?”Henoddedplayfullyatme.“Ifyoureallywanttoknowtheanswertothat

question,”hesaid,lookingathiswatchandthenthedyingfire,“wewillhavetotakethisstorybackseverallifetimes....”Asiftopunctuatehisthought,thick,fatraindropslandedmid-fire,sizzling

and bursting like overcooked marshmallows. Sadhguru smiled radiantly asLeelaandIgotupandscamperedawayforthepontoonboat.Hefollowedusand then gently stilledmy hand as I reached for the padded key chain stillstuffedintheignition.“Lookoutoverthelake,”hesaid.Besidetherain,thefogwassothickwe

couldnotseeafootinfrontofus.Therewasasheet—makethatawall—ofimpenetrableprecipitation.“Howwillyounavigatethroughthat?Letussleepon the boat rather than fight to get back to the dock and sleep inside yourhouse.”Iopenedmymouthtoprotest,buthesilencedmewithasmile.“Tomorrow

thesunwillriseandwecangethomequickly.Tonight,whyworryaboutit?Youthoughttobringblankets,andtheroofaboveyourboatisalltheshelterweneed.Rest,andtomorrowwe'llreturnhomeatfirstlight.”IncaseIhaven'ttoldyou,Icanbeverydetermined.Iknowthelakewell,

and I thought I could get us home, so I had tomake the attempt.But afterthirtyor fortyminutesof trying tonavigate in thehopelesslyblindingfog, Igaveup.Sadhguruwas right.Therewasnoway togethome. Icouldeitherkeepusawaketherestofthenightlookingforthehouse,orwecouldgetatleastalittlesleepontheboat.Weturnedofftheengine,andLeelaandIcurledupunderablanketlikemy

two miniature Dachshunds. Sadhguru lay on his back and went straight tosleep.Andso,asmysecondmidnightwiththemysticcrepttowardawet,soggy

dawn, I fell asleepwonderingwhy in theworld I still resistedwhat he saidaboutevensimplethings.

Leelawokemeatfirstlight.Theboathadbumpedintotheshore,andshewantedtomakesureitwasokay.Ichecked.Everythingwasfine.Webothgotupandlookedaround.Wehadonlysleptacoupleofhours,andthefogwasstillimpenetrable.As we surveyed the situation, we looked at Sadhguru, who was still

sleepingpeacefullyonhisback in thesamepositionhehadfallenasleep in.Hehadnotmovedaninch.AsI lookedathim,IsaidtoLeelathatwewerenot doing a very good job of taking care of him. She nodded her head andsaid,“Iknow.Don'ttellanyone.”

CHAPTERSIX

NightThree:“AndNow,Yoga”

“Wedon'tneedmoreHindus,moreChristians,moreMuslims;weneedmoreBuddhas,moreJesuses,moreKrishnas—therealones.Liveones.Thatiswhentruechangewillhappen.

Andthatpotentialisinnateineveryhumanbeing.”—Sadhguru

As Leela and I peered into the fog that still hung over the lake the nextmorning, we were both a little worse for the wear. As always, though,Sadhguruawakenedcompletelyrestedandburstingwithenergy.Bynowitwassixfifteen.Thesunwasstartingtorise,butthecloudcover

wasstillsothickthatwecouldn'tseeasmuchasafootinfrontofus.Farfromalarming, it felt absolutely enchanting to be the only ones on the lake,envelopedbyall that thickwhite fog.Stranded—nocloser tohome thanweweretothefire-litislandwe'dleftbehindhoursearlier—butsafelycocoonedinside themist,wewere free to pick upwherewe left off. Itwas as if thepreviousnight'sstormhadneverevenhappened.Rememberinglastnight'squestionabouthowSadhgurucametobetheway

he is, Idecided Icouldn't let it fadeaway,as Iknew themistwouldatanymoment, so again I asked him how he had done it. How had he liberatedhimself,andwhatparthadyogaplayedinallit.As if expecting not to be let off the hook, Sadhguru replied, “Yoga first

enteredmylifelongbefore,evenbeyondthispresentbody.”Tosomeextent,Iknewwhathemeant.Ihadheardsomestoriesofhispast

lives, and he had earlier toldme that his enlightenment in this lifetimewasmorea“remembrance”forhimandthatthiswas,infact,histhirdenlightenedlifetime. But of course, I wanted the entire story. What were those otherlifetimes like and how did they fit into his now being a guru? So I keptprodding,andatlastthestrangetaleunfolded.

Asthegurubegantospeak,LeelaandIwereoffagainonourjourneyintohis fascinatingmysticalworld. I felt as if Iwas in some ancient place, andsittingsmackinthemiddleofaswirlingwhitefogbankdidn'thurt.Itwasasifthesettingwerebendingtomatchthestory.

Two lifetimes ago, Sadhguru said, he had been an intense seeker of theultimate nature. He left home when he was seventeen and became what isreferredtoasawanderingsadhu.HetraveledalloversouthernIndiaonfoot,pursuingyoga in theShiva tradition,andhebecameayogiknownasShivaYogi,namedafterthefirstteacherofyoga.InhisincarnationasShivaYogi,Sadhgurudevotedhislifetimeentirelyto

his liberation, pursuing the goal of enlightenment with intensity and greatperseverance. His journey to liberation was not made in comfort. He wentthroughheartbreakingspiritualdisciplinesandwasoftenwithout food.Asaresultofhissingle-mindedness,hebecamequiteaccomplishedasayogi.Atthisjuncture,IaskedSadhgurutobacktrackandtelluswhyhehadbeen

drawntoyogawhenhewasShivaYogi.IgotwhatIaskedfor.Incredibly,heresponded by taking the story quite a bit further back in time, almost fourhundredyearstotheearly1600s,whenhelivedinCentralIndiaasavibrantyouthcalledBilva.Ever the questioner, I interrupted again to ask why all his lifetimes had

takenplaceinIndia,andherepliedrathercrypticallythattheyhadn't.Hesaidthatjustthelastthreewerelivedthere,andthattwelvelifetimesagohelivedin Africa. He said that only those last three lifetimes were spirituallysignificant.Iwasmullingoverjusthowmanylifetimesthisancientbeingmayhavelivedinallashecontinuedthestory.Bilva, he said, was a fierce devotee, wild and intense, and possessed a

certain clarity of vision that allowed him to look into the hearts of otherpeople.OneofBilva'spassionswassnakes,andhewasthesnakecharmerinan intuitive tribe at a timewhen snake-charmerswere considered holymeninfluencedbythegods.Theyweremagicians,healers,andsoothsayers.Tribestothisdaystillpracticethisart.OnoneofmyvisitstoIndia,Iwas

amazedtobewitnesstoatribalsnakecharmeroutsideofatempleareawhere

many touristsaboundandallkindsofpeoplesellvegetables,clothes,crafts,andanassortmentofotherthings.Iwasupthehillfromhimandgladtobeagooddistance awaywhen I noticed avery strange event.Thisbare-chested,long-haired, intense-looking Indian man was sitting on a blanket andmumbling some unintelligible words and sounds. As he started tapping hisfeet slowly and deliberately upon the ground, slowly snakes from the wildbeganmovingtowardhim.Withinthirtyminutes, therewereadozensnakes—includingcobras—crawlingtowardhim.Hecollectedtheminhisbag.Thiswasbizarre to see.Theability to charmor call snakes implies some sortofunknownsupernaturalknowledge.During that lifetime, Bilva's understanding of snakes was one of the

personalcharacteristicsthatpropelledhimtowardgreaterspirituality.Hewasadefiantandrebelliousyoungmaninhistwenties,andbecauseoneofhisactsof rebellionangeredcertainpeople,his lifewasbrought toanearlyend.Hewas tied to a tree and put to death with bites from a snake, a cobra. Thepoisonousvenomofthecobracontainspowerfuldigestiveagentsthatquicklyand painfully destroy tissue, producing massive hemorrhaging and burstingtheanalcavity.Bilvaknewallaboutsnakesandwasawareofwhatwasgoingtohappento

himfromthesnakebite.Asthevenomranthroughhisbodyandhewasveryclose to dying, he locked his anal cavity—in yogic language this is calledMooladhara Banda—and he began to focus on his breathing. Bilva did notchooseconsciously to invoke thisyogicdisciplineofwatching the incomingand outgoing of the breath, a spiritual discipline ofKriyaYoga calledAnaPanaSatiYoga.Hebegantowatchhisbreathspontaneouslybecausehewastrying to die with as much dignity as possible and breathing was the onlyfunction left to him. The young man watched his breath even as heexperiencedexcruciatingpain,andasaresult,helivedthelastfewminutesofhislifeinheightenedintensity.Whenhedied,helefthisbodyinawareness.Bilva'sbreathwatchingwasagiftofgrace,Sadhgurusaid.Becausehedied

in awareness, a new spiritual process began, took root in his being, andchangedhiminmanyways.Hisspiritualquesthadbegun.Itcontinuedinhisnextlifeandcarriedhimtothepathofyoga.HethenbecametheyogicalledShivaYogi.ShivaYogiwentmanyplacesandtriedmanythings,andhesufferedmuch

hunger and physical hardship. He became accomplished in the various artsand intricacies of yoga, yet for all that, the ultimate self-realization eludedhim.

At this point in Sadhguru's story, I again questioned him, probing forspecificdetailsabouttheyogahepracticedasShivaYogi,sincetodayheputssomuchemphasisonyogaasameansofself-transformation.Herepliedthatwhathedidthendidnotreallymatterbecausehedidnotattainedmukthi,orcomplete freedom from bondage. However, through the mastery of certainaspectsofKriyaYoga,hedidattaincertaincapabilities thateventuallygavehimthefreedomtoexistwithoutfoodandwaterforlongperiodsoftimeandtowalkthroughseeminglysolidmaterialsuchaswalls.Aboveall,heattainedenhancedperceptionthatallowedhimtograspthepast,present,andfutureofanyperson.Still,becauseultimaterealizationeludedhim,hewasleftwithacertainrancorandwithaburninglongingtoknowtheultimate.AsSadhguruspokeofBilvaandShivaYogi, Iwasconsciousofhisdeep

stillnessandoftheswirlingmistbehindhim.Helookedlikeanancientbronzestatue,afigureofimmenseantiquity,whoseeyesseemedtoseefarmorethanwhatexistedinthemomentwepresentlyinhabited.

AsIsatbeforeSadhguruinwhatseemedadeeppoolofpeace,mythoughtswereaboutreincarnation.Instinctively,whenIfirstheardaboutreincarnationfrommyfirstmeditationteacher,itmademuchmoresensetomethanlivingonlyonelifetime.I'vereadalotaboutitsince,butmyinitialfascinationwithmultipleliveseventuallyfaded.ThepastwasonlyrelevanttomeasawaytounderstandhowIgothereandtotheextentIcouldlearnfromit.ButnowthatIwasstrandedinthefogwithanenlightenedbeingwhocouldrememberhispastlives,Iwantedtounderstandhowhewasabletobecomesuchaprofoundmysticandwhatparthispastplayedinit.“Reincarnation is more an evolution than anything else,” Sadhguru said,

answeringmyquestionbeforeIaskedit.“Animalsalsoareevolving,butonceyouhaveahumanbirth,youcantakeyourevolutionintoyourownhands.“Andnow,yoga,”hesaid.“Youcanhastenyourownevolutionwithyoga.

You can go from a limited being to one who is completely beyond alllimitations.Yogaisnotjustaboutphysicalandmentalwellbeing,eventhoughtheyareeasilyhandledwithyoga.Itisaboutbreakingthelimitationsofthisdimensionandmovingintoatotallydifferentsphereoflife:fromthephysicalworldtoanotherexistencebyitself.Thisotherdimensionisrighthere—itis

notsomewhereelse—butitisnotavailablewhenapersonisrootedtotallyintheirphysicalnature.“Ifone is totally rooted in thephysicalnature,one identifieswith limited

things and feels insufficient. As a result, you begin to accumulate materialthings.Itisthenatureofthemindtoaccumulate.Whenthemindisgross,itwantstoaccumulatematerialthings.Whenitbecomesalittlemoreevolved,itwants to accumulate knowledge.When our emotions become dominant, themindwantstoaccumulatepeople.Themindisagatherer,alwayswantingtogather something. When a person starts thinking or believing he is on aspiritual path, then the mind starts accumulating socalled spiritual wisdom.Maybeitstartsgatheringtheguru'swords.Butwhateveritgathers,untilonegoesbeyondtheneedtoaccumulate,whetheritisfoodorthingsorpeopleorknowledgeorwisdom, it doesnotmatterwhat you accumulate; theneed toaccumulatemeansthereisaninsufficiency.Thisinsufficiency,thisfeelingofbeing insufficient, has entered into this unbounded being only becausesomewhereyougotidentifiedwithlimitedthingsthatyouarenot.“If one brings sufficient awareness, and above all, a constant sadhana

(spiritual practice) into his or her life, the vessel slowly becomes totallyempty. Awareness empties the vessel. Sadhana cleanses the vessel. Whenthesetwoaspectsaresustainedforasufficientlylongperiod,thenyourvesselbecomes empty. Only when this emptiness arises does grace descend uponyou.Withoutgracenobodyreallygetsanywhere.Foryoutoexperiencegraceyouhavetobecomeempty;yourvesselhastobecometotallyempty.“Ifyoudonotexperiencethegrace,ifyoudonotmakeyourselfreceptive

tothegrace,ifyoudonotemptyyourselfinordertobearthegrace,thenthespiritualpathissomethingthatneedstobepursuedformany,manylifetimes.Butifyoubecomeemptyenoughforgracetodescend,theultimatenatureisnotfaraway.Itisheretobeexperienced.Itisheretoberealized.Itisgoingbeyondalldimensionsofexistenceintotheexaltedstate.Itisnottomorrow;notanotherlifetime.Itbecomesalivingreality,”hesaid.While sitting there absorbed in thought, the fog began to lift and I could

hearthemorningchirpingofbirds.Agreatblueheronflappeditswingsasittookoffinflight,trumpetingitswildprehistoricshrilltoannouncethedawnofanewday.IwaschillyandwrappedtheblankettightlyaroundmyselfasIwondered how many lifetimes I would have to go through before I couldbecomeempty.Ididn'twanttokeepgoingroundandroundlikeachildstuckonacarnivalmerry-goround.Iwantedenlightenmentthistime.“Whydowehavethisdesiretoaccumulate?”Iaskedhim.

Sadhgurulookeddownathishandsandanswered.“Thiswholeattitudethatwhereveryougoyoumustgatherasmuchasyoucanhascomeintoyoulongago.Onebasicculprit for thishasbeenyoureducation.Ithasalways taughtyouhowtogathermoreandmorethings.Youlearnedsystematicmethodsofgathering. You can make a living this way, but no matter how much yougather of things, people, knowledge, power, or even socalled spiritualwisdom, they are incapable of liberating you. They are incapable of takingyouonestepclosertoyourultimatenature.Tobringthenecessaryawarenessandtoconstantlycleanseyourvesselrequiressadhana,orinnerwork.Thisisyoga.“Theonlyotherwaytojumpthelineintoliberation,ifyoudonotwantto

go through the struggle of awareness, is to be so innocent you simplysurrender. This isBhaktiYoga.But thinkingminds are not capable of this.Surrendering is not something you do. Surrendering is something that justhappenswhenyouarenot.Whenyouareabsolutelywillingandyouhavenowillofyourownandthereisnothinginyouthatyoucallyourselfthengracedescendsonyou.WhenJesussaid,‘Come,followme,’almostallwhoheededhis invitation were simple peasants and fishermen. The educated,sophisticated, and scholarly did not respond. And of course, Jesus made itclear that only children could enter his kingdom ofGod,whichmeans thatonly the innocent and childlike couldwalk the path of devotion, faith, andsurrender.”Ithoughtwithacertainsadnessofhowmanyofushavelostsightofthat

simplepathofhumility.Noteveryone,ofcourse.Still, it seemed thatmanyreligionsveeredfarawayfromtheteachingstheywerebuiltupon.Sadhgurustretchedhisarmswideasiftakinginthewholemorning.Then

hesaid,“Iwouldalwaysstick to thepathofawarenessandsadhana. Ifyounaturally jump the line and shift from awareness to devotion, that iswonderful; however, but cannot be cultivated. Cultivated devotion is notdevotion,justdeception.”“Buthowdowedoitthen?”Iasked.Hecontinued,“Thewebofbondageisconstantlybeingcreatedonlybythe

waywethinkandfeel.Whateverwearecalling‘awareness’isjustawaytostartcreatingadistancebetweenallthatyouthinkandfeelandyourself.Whatwearereferringtoassadhanaisawaytoraiseyourenergiessothatyoucantide over these limitations or these mechanisms with which you haveentangledyourselfinyourthoughtsandemotions.”I said, “I alsoheardyou refer to theprocessof emptyingas ‘dissolving.’

Canyouexplainwhatyoumeanbythat?”“Dissolvingdoesnotmeanputtingyourselfinabarrelofsulfuricacid,”he

said with a grin. “The personality you unconsciously constructed wasfundamentallydictatedbytheinstinctofself-preservation.Yourpersonalityisa mask you wear to face the world, but this personality, or mask, in yourexperiencehasbecomeyou.Youhavebecomecompletelyidentifiedwithit.Ifthismistakenidentity,thisyou,isdissolved,blisswillbeanaturalstate,asitisyouressentialnature.Tofacetheworldyoucanalwaysmakefacesasthesituation demands, but you need not be identified with the role you areplaying.”I hadmany roles inmy life: businesswoman,mother, companion, friend,

and daughter. I tried to imagine myself without those various identities. Itwasn't easy to separate “me” from all those personas, even though I havealwayshadsomethinginmeobservingmylifefromaveryslightdistance.Lookingaround,Inoticedabreakinthefogandcouldseethethickstand

oftreesatthewater'sedgenotfarfromwheretheboatwasfloating.Itwasatangleofbranches,leaves,andshrubs.“Sadhguru,” I said, “we talkabout spiritualgrowth,yet ifwhatwe really

wanttodoisjustdissolvethisseparateidentity,is‘growth’thecorrectword?”“Growth is toward dissolution,” he said. “As you dissolve the limited

creationofyourpersona,builtwithacomplexamalgamationof impressionsthatyouhavetakeninunconsciously,theboundlesssourceofcreationbeginsto grow in you and becomes a living presence in your life. That is thedissolutionwearetalkingabout,thedissolvingofthebondagesthatmakeyoua limited existence. When we talk in terms of spiritual growth, it is onlybecausealogicalmindcanneverthinkintermsofdissolving.“Anotherwaytoreachzeroistoexpand,expand,toinfinitelyexpand.That

is also zero. Zero and the infinite are the same.The path of expansion is amoresuitableconceptfortheegotoidentifywith.“Ifpeopletellyoutojust‘droptheego,’itisnotgoingtohappen.Muchas

you try, it isnotgoing tohappen.So, insteadofdroppingyourego,expandyour energies. Even saying, ‘I have no ego’ is a very egotistical statement.Theegoisashadowlikestructure.Itistheveryfirstresultofyouridentifyingwithyourbody.Themomentyoustartedkickinginyourmother'swomb,theegowasborn.“Theegoisyourshadow.Itisnotgoodorbad.Externalsituationsgovern

shadows.Whenthesunisnotatitszenith,youhaveashadow.So,theegois

not the problem. The problem is that you have lost the distinction betweenwhatisyouandwhatisyourego.Tryingtogetridofyouregoismuchliketrying to get rid of your shadow. If you tried to outrun your shadow, youwouldonlybecomeexhaustedandfrustrated,butifyoujustturnaround,theshadowwouldbebehindyou.Theegoismuchlikethis.Itisthere.Thereisnosuchthingaslivingwithoutego.Itisthere,butifyouareaware,theegowillserveyou.“Youexpandunlimitedlyuntilyoudissolve.Growthmeansexpansion,and

at the same timegrowthmeansdissolution.Only in ignorancedoyou thinktheyaredifferent.”“So, what actually reincarnates?” I asked. “This separate identity? If we

eventuallymergeintoonenesswiththedivine,whichisalreadyourinnermostcore,therereallyisn'taseparatesoul,isthere?”“Whatisreferredtoasasoulactuallyisafiction.Inthecontextofrebirth,

ofgoingfromonebirthtoanother,youhavetohavesomeunderstandingofthemechanicsofhowyouarebuilt.Whenyou sayyouare ahumanbeing,youusuallymeanyouroutermostperiphery,yourphysicalbody.Inyoga,welook at everything about us as separate bodies because it is easier tounderstandthatway.So,weseethebodyasfivedimensions,orfivesheaths.“Thephysicalbodyisreferredtoasthefoodbody.Thesecondoneis the

mental body. The third one is called prana, or energy body. These threebodies—physical, mental, and energy—are all in the physical dimension.Theyarephysicalexistence.Thephysicalbodyisverygross,notsubtle.Themental body is subtler. The energy body is even subtler, but all three arephysical.Youcanlookatalightbulbforanexampleofasimilarrelationship.Thelightbulbisphysical.Theelectricityisalsophysical,andtheverylightthatitemanatesisalsophysical.“Thephysical,mental, andenergybodiesarephysicaldimensionsof life.

These three carry imprints of karma. Karma is imprinted on the body, themind, and the energy, and the imprint, or structure, is what holds it alltogether.Karmaisthecementthatholdsyoutothephysicalbody.“Theothertwobodiesarenonphysical.Oneofthemislikeatransientstate

andtheotheriscompletelynonphysical.Thenonphysicalbodyisreferredtoastheblissbody.Thisblissbodyinsideyouis100percentnonphysical.Ithasnoformofitsown.Onlyiftheenergybody,mentalbody,andphysicalbodyareinshapecantheyholdtheblissbodyinshape.Itislikeanairbubble.Acertain amount of air is held in a bubble. The moment you take away thestructure, theairbecomesonewitheverythingelse. If these thingsare taken

away, the bliss body will become part of the cosmos. So, if the karmicstructure is completely dismantled, there can be no soul left. Everythingmergesintoeverythingelse.Ifthekarmicstructureisdismantled100percent,youmergewithallexistence.Thismeansthereisnoyou.”AsLeelaandIsathuddled togetheron theboat, Icoulddetectmoreofa

breakinthecloudsandIcouldhearmanymoresoundsofmorningaroundthelake.Peoplewere starting towakeupand letout theirdogs, anda few fishwerejumping.Icouldalsosmellbaconcookingsomewherenearby.Sadhgurucontinued, “Thisnonphysicaldimension—theverycoreofwho

youare,whichwecan refer to asnothingor everything—is thebasisof allcreation.Itistheultimateintelligencethatcreates,maintains,anddestroysallexistence.Thisnothingnessorthisboundlessnessisreferredtoasblissbodybecausethatwhichisnonphysicalcannotbedescribed,soitisonlyinferredinour experience. When one is in touch with this dimension beyond thephysical,onewillbedrenchedinblissfulness.So,whenwesayblissbody,wearereferringtoitinthecontextofourexperienceofitasbeingindescribable.Whenwesay liberation,wemeanbecoming freeof theveryprocessof lifeandbirthanddeath.Liberationmeanscomingfreefromthekarmicstructurethatholdsthesebodiestogether,becomingfreeofyourveryexistence.”“Sadhguru,”Isaid,“isthisblissbody,orourinnerself,actuallyGodina

way?IsitthatwecaneitherbethislittlelimitedpersonorwecanbeGod?”“What you call your self is also the universal,” he replied. “It is not

different. It is just that now this peel, or covering,” he said, stopping toindicate his own body, “has formed over the universal aspect of you.Withyoga, you begin to differentiate the energy levels in yourself. You create awholesystem.Youcreatespiritualpractices.Thebodyandmind—thepeeling—subside in importance, and the self stands out. Now you have a betterchance of really looking at the self, experiencing it. This is the wholesadhana. Whatever you call yoga, the spiritual practices are just meant toreducetheimportanceofthebodyandmindandtobringouttheimportanceoftheself.“Enlightenment is not something that happens. It is always there. The

spiritualpractices,orsadhana, thatyoudoenableyoutosee that it is there.Youarenotdoingsadhana toconstructdivinitywithinyou.ManypeopleintheUnited States talk about self-development. Self is one thing you cannotdevelop.Youcandevelopthemind,whichisfine.Youcandeveloptheego,which everyone does anyway. How can you develop the self, which isabsoluteandboundless?

“And, if you could develop the self, you had better discard it because itwouldbeincompletestuff.Onlythatwhichisincompletecanbedeveloped.Ifsomething isalreadyall-pervadingandeternal,howcanyoudevelop it?So,sadhana is not about building something. It is not about creating divinitywithin you or becoming enlightened. Divinity is already there within you.Sadhana is just awayof openingyour eyes.Sadhana is like an alarmbell.Thewholethingisjustaprocessofwakingyouup,wakingyouuptoanotherlevelofreality.“There is no such thing as self-knowledge.There is just self. That is all.

Jesusmadethisclear.Hetalkedabouthimselfandhisfatherinheaven,butatone point he said, ‘I and my father are one.’ The you that is beyond alllimitationsandthatwhichyouarereferringtoasthealmightyarethesame,”he said, lookingdeeply intomyeyes as if tomake sure Iunderstood this. Iknew therewere peoplewhowould think this ideawas sacrilege, but as hespoke,Ialsoknewhewastryingtoimpartavitaltruth.Irealizedthatmostofour liveswe live in a fog just like the one that still lingered over the darkwatersofthelake.“How can we experience this if we're trapped by these limitations?” I

wantedtoknow.“Youmustbecomewilling to transcendyour limitations.Thiswillingness

is surrender. The only barrier to it is you. If you arewilling,who can stopyou?So,thesadhanaisjusttomakeyouwilling.Enlightenmentisneverfaraway,but tomakeapersoncompletelywilling takes timebecauseyouhavelayersandlayersofresistance.Ittakestimetoworkthroughtheresistance,tobecome absolutely willing. It need not necessarily take time, but generallypeopledotaketime.”“Sadhguru,”Isaid,“inthisculture,sayingthatyoucouldevolveintoagod

wouldoffendmanypeople Iknow.Yet, self-realization is something that isstrivenforinIndia.Canyoutellmewhythereissomuchdifference?”“India is a very ancient culture that has produced many enlightened

beings,”hesaid.“Therearetwokindsofculturesintheworld.OnecultureisalwayswaitingforGod tocomedownasahumanand transformtheworld.Thisisonekindofculture.“Theotherkindofcultureissayingthattheonlywaytotransformoneself

andthesituationistoturnintoagod.Yogacomesfromthisculture.Inyogawe have no incarnations of God. We see the possibility that even we canbecomelikeGod,blissfulandall-seeing.

“WhateveryouholdasGod,wecanbecome, andeveryonehas the sameopportunitytodoso.IfonlyonepersonisGod,orthesonofGod,whataretherestofus?Whatareallofus?Wealsocomefromthesamesource.Onlythosewhoare totallyprejudicedsay, ‘No,myGod isdifferent;yourGod isdifferent.’Onlythenisthereaproblem.Don'tforgetthatJesus,afterhewasdonewithenticingpeoplebypromisingtotakethemtothekingdomofGod,turned around and said, ‘The kingdomofGod iswithin you.’He also said,‘Youcanbecomegreaterthanme.’“A Buddha or Krishna or Jesus is not looking for followers. They are

strivingtomanifestthedivinetheyknowtobepresentinallbeings.“Anyonewithalittlesensecanseethatalllifehasdefinitelycomefromthe

samesource.So,ifweallcomefromthesamesource,allofuscarrythesameenergywithinus.SomepeoplecallitGod,somepeoplecallitAllah,EinsteincalleditE,andwearecallingitIshwaraorIsha.“Whateveryoucallit,allofuscarryitwithinusinanunconsciousway.In

fact,ifyoumakeitconsciousandallowthisenergytoexpressitself,youalsoarethedivine.That isn't tosaythatuntil thenyouarenot thedivine—rightnowyouarealsothedivine,butunawareofit.Whateveryouareunawareofdoesnotexistforyou;youmustunderstandthat.Ifyouaresittingrighthereand an elephant is standing behind you, such a big animal, and you areunawareof it, itdoesnot exist foryou.Onlywhenyoubecomeawareof itdoesitexistforyou.Similarly,althoughGodiswithinyou,aslongasyouareunaware of your god-like nature, it doesn't exist for you. When someonebecomes aware, he also becomes aware that everybody carries the samepotential.”“Sadhguru,”Ibegan,“iseverypersoncapableofreachingthepeakoftheir

consciousness?Will this yoga really work for everyone, or just for specialbeingslikeyouorforpeoplewhoareintenseseekers?”“Yoga definitely works for everyone. Let this be clear. Yoga is a

technology, so there is no question of it working for one person and notworking for another.Your telephone, your television, your computerworksfor everyone—even thoughmost people do not have a clue as to how theywork.Youjusthavetolearnhowtousethem.Dependingontheirexpertise,different people can use them at different levels. Most people will neverunderstandhowyogaworks,butitdefinitelyworksforeveryone.Factorssuchasage,attitude,orkarmicsituations,tonameafew,decidehowquicklyyogaworks,butitdefinitelyworks,whetheryoucanimmediatelynoticeitornot.Somepeoplewill catch fire like gasoline, somewill burn like paper, others

willburnlikewetwood,butyogacandefinitelyhasteneveryone'sevolution.”“Does this always take a long time, or can it happen quickly?” I asked.

WhatIreallywantedtoknowwashowquicklythiscouldpossiblyhappenforme.He said, “It could take hundreds or even millions of rebirths, or this

transformation could happen in just this moment. If it is the one and onlypurposeofyourlifeandallyourenergiesarefocusedinthisdirection,itisnotfar away. The problem is that people have so many other priorities thatspiritualityisontheside.Whatyouareseekingiswithinyou.Ifitistheonlypriorityofyourlife,nothingcanstopyou.Ifyouarewilling,what iswithinyou cannot be denied to you even for a moment. If it was a question ofcapabilities, we could prescribe a certain amount of time. When you willbecomewilling,tellme,whocandecide?”“But,Sadhguru,ifthatistheonlypriorityinourlives,whathappenstoour

livesasweknowthem?”“Lifeasyouknowitisnotabarrier.Ifrealizingyourultimatenatureisthe

onlypriorityofyourlife,everythingyoudowillnaturallyorientitselftowardthat.Yourwork, your relationships, your love, yourmoney,yourvery life'sbreathwillorientitselftowardyourultimatenature.Theexperienceofeverylittlehumanthingyoudobecomesextremelyfulfillingandjoyfulwhenit isdone in the light of great purpose. Once your ultimate nature is your onlypriority, the life process, the little acts, the thoughts, and the emotionswillbecomeajoyfulandfulfillingprocess.”I was relieved to hear this. Theworld is so full of distractions that it is

difficultnot to losefocus.Iwasveryconcernedthatonlythosewhowalkedoutof their livesgot enlightened, andeven then,onlyvery,very few.Theysay it takes everything you have and then some. Some people take thisliterally, and I am sure there is a lot to that, but even then there is noguarantee.Youcanstillbe identifiedwithyourbodyandmind.So,howdowecomeoutofallweareidentifiedwith?KnowingmyultimatenaturewasahugeprioritytomebutIwasstillcluelessashowtouseeverythinginmylifefortransformation.So,how?HowdoIdoeverythinginmylifeinthelightofthisgreatpurposeoftransformation?Iasked,“But,howdoesyogaactuallyleadtotransformation?”“Cheryl,” he said patiently, “yoga leads the body to a state where it is

perfectly in tune.When your mind, body, energy, and your inner nature—whichistheseedofcreation—areperfectlyintune,thebestofyourabilities

willnaturallyflowoutofyou.Doyouseethatwhenyouarehappy,youhaveendlessenergy?Haveyounoticedthis?”“DefinitelyI'venoticedthat,”Ianswered.Nodding, he continued, “When you are happy, your energies always

functionbetter.Evenifyoudon'teatorsleep,itdoesn'tmatter.So,justalittlebit of happiness liberates you from your normal limitations of energy andcapability.“Yogaisthescienceofactivatingyourinnerenergiestosuchavibrantand

exuberant state thatyourbody,mind,andemotions functionat theirhighestpeaks.Whenyourbodyandmind function in ahigh stateof relaxation andwithacertainlevelofbliss,youcanbereleasedfromthephysicalandmentalproblemsmanypeoplesufferfrom.Withthepracticeofyoga,yourbodyandmindwillbekeptat theirhighestpossiblepeaks,whichnaturally leads toacertainmasteryandcontroloverone'slifeanddestiny.”This was definitely becoming true forme. I was functioning at a higher

vibrationorcruisingatahigheraltitude,sotospeak,thanIeverhadbefore.Things thatused tobothermeno longer touchedme.Myhappinesswasnolongersodependentonexternalsituations.Infact,tomyownamazement,insomewaysIwasbetterabletomoldtheoutsidesituations, includingpeoplewhomImarkedasdifficulttocooperatewith,andcreatewhatIwanted.“Youtoldmebeforethatpeaceofmindisjustthebeginning,”Isaid.“So,

howexactlydoesyogaworktotranscendallthelimitations?”“Youcantranscendtheropesthatbindyouoneropeatatime,oryoucan

explodeoutofyourlimitations.Whatyourefertoasyourcapabilityisreallyacertainwayyourenergy functions.Asyougainmasteryoveryourenergies,you will do, simply and naturally, things you never imagined possible.Americans are enamoredwith technology, so I'll use the followinganalogy:Yoga is really just the technology of using your energy for higherpossibilities.Whenone'sinnerenergiesareactivated,oneentersanaltogetherdifferentsphereofperception,experience,capability,andpossibility.Inotherwords,youcangrowtoapointwhereeverythingthatcaneverbedonewithinthelawsofnaturecanbecomeyours.“Did you hearwhatMark Twain said after hismeetingswith the Indian

mystics?”Sadhguruasked.“No. I loveMark Twain but I do not remember anything he said about

India.”“Hesaid,‘AnythingthatcaneverbedonebymanorbyGodhasbeendone

inthisland.’”

As if the elements were listening to Sadhguru, we now had a magicalmomentwherethesunburstmagnificentlythroughtheclouds.Afterwehadsoaked in the welcome warmth of sunshine for a few minutes, Sadhgurusuggested that we head for the house. As immersed as I was in ourconversation,Ireluctantlyagreedthatitwastimetogo.Therestofthestorywouldhavetowait.I could now recognizewherewewere. I pointed out the direction ofmy

house, Sadhguru started the boat, andwe headed across the lake.Whenwearrived,theguruwentbacktohisroom,andLeelaandIdecidedtoeachtakeashortnapandthendosomegroceryshopping.Again thedayspedby,and thateveningSadhguru joinedusmuchearlier

than usual. Since therewas still some daylight left, he suggestedwe take awalk.Theareaaroundmylakehouseissobeautiful,withbreathtakingviewsstretching all theway down to the lake, thatwe decided just towalk thereratherthanwastethelittledaylightthatremaineddrivingtooneofthehikingspots.Aswewalked,ItooktheopportunitytoaskSadhguruaboutsomemundane

matters.Oneofmyfriendswhoknewthattheguruwasgoingtospendaweekat the lakehadaskedme to try togethim to speakaboutmoneyandaboutwhethereachpersonactuallyhasaspecificcallinginlife.Ihesitatedbeforebringingup these topics. It seemed likeawaste to take

timewithaspiritualbeingtotalkaboutmoneyandvocation—whenheknowssomuch about things that are completely unknown to the rest of us.But, Ireasoned, since Sadhguru deals with people as they are, and since forWesternersmoneyissoimportant,perhapsitwaslegitimatetoaskhim.Ihadpersonallybeenalloverthemapaboutmoney,fromthinkingitdidnotmatteratallbecauseitdidnotmakepeoplehappytobeingworriedaboutnothavingenoughandthenthinkingitwassoimportantthatIspentwaytoomuchofmytimeacquiringit.Oncewehadbeenwalkingforafewminutes,Iposedaquestion.“Why,”I

asked,“doesmoneyseemtotakesuchatollonthelivesofmanypeoplehere

intheUnitedStates?ManyofthepeopleIknowarespendingthemajorityoftheir time working for money and yet often feel they don't have enoughmoney or, for that matter, enough free time thanks to working so hard atmakingmoremoney.”Without hesitation, Sadhguru replied that people often ascribe too much

valueandtoomanyqualitiestomoney.Hesaidthatmoneyisjustadevicetomakeourtransactionseasier.WhenIpressedformore,hesaid,“Moneyisadevicethatstartedwiththebartersystem.Itwasnotcomplicated.Itwasjustameansofexchange,atooltomakelifemorecomfortable.Ifmoneyisinyourpocket, life is more comfortable. Money is not the problem. The momentmoneyentersintoyourheaditbecomesaperversion.Yougetidentifiedbyit.Itbecomeswhoyouare.Howmuchmoneyyouhavebecomespartofyouridentity.Onceyougetidentifiedbyit,youcanneverhaveenough.“There aremanywealthypeoplewhobecome justmiserablewith even a

little fluctuation in theirnetworth.Butmoney ismerelyameans toanend.Like everything else,money has been created for ourwellbeing.We forgetthiswhenwebecomedeeplyidentifiedbyit.“Insteadofjusthavingmoneytouse,webecomesomeone—orsomething

—becauseofit.Thenwebegintocompareourselvestootherpeopleinsteadofenjoyingwhatwehave.Thisbecomesakindofasickness,wheremakingmoney is then turned against your own wellbeing. Everyone has differentcapabilities. If you just look at your own capabilities without comparingyourselftoothers,youwillfindawaytohaveenoughmoneybydoingworkyouenjoywithoutallthestruggle.Moneyisdefinitelyneeded,buthowmuchmoneydowereallyneed?Ifwewouldchangeourideaofasuccessfullifetoajoyfullife,wewouldfindourneedformoneywoulddramaticallydecrease.“How much money, how much comfort, does one actually need to live

joyfully? Never before have people been as comfortable as they are today.The kinds of comforts and conveniences that even royalty did not have ahundredyearsagoareavailabletoordinarypeople.Yet,itcannotbesaidthatwearehappierthanourancestors.Oncemoneybecomespartofyouridentity,acertainfearanddiscomfortcomesalongwithit,nomatterhowmuchmoneyyoumighthave.Thisisnotanintelligentwaytolive.Theverythingthatwassupposed to bring you comfort and the hope of living happily turns againstyou.Wemaysucceedincreatingoutwardlyperfectlives,butthetruequalityofourlivesisbasedonourinteriority.”“Sadhguru,”Isaid,“whydoesitseemthatyogisareagainstcomfort?”Sadhguru laughed and said that yogis are definitely not against comfort.

“Theywanttobecomfortableineverysituationatalltimes,evenlyingonabedofnails,”hesaid.“They justdon'twant to settle for thesmallcomfortsthatmostpeopleareafter.Comfortisnotdictatedbyexternalsituations.Truecomfortariseswithacertainlevelofeasewithinyourself.“In today'sworld,wemakeeconomics themost importantpartofhuman

life.Yourloveisnotimportant,yourjoyisnotimportant,yourfreedomisnotimportant,yoursensibilitiesarenotimportant,yourmusicanddancearenotimportant.Themostimportantthingisyoureconomics.Today,inanycity,ifyousaysomeoneisabigman,itdoesnotmeanheisthemostintelligentman.Itdoesnotmeanheisthemostlovingman.Itdoesnotmeanheisthemostskillfulman.Definitely it does notmean he is themostmeditativeman. Itsimplymeanshehasthemostmoneyintown.So,ourwholeorientationhasbecomeeconomics.Unless the subtler aspects of life become important,wewill not be joyful people. If you would stop comparing yourself to otherpeople,youwouldfindthatyourneedswouldcomedowndrastically,andyouwould livemuchmore sensibly—a sense that ismost essential to save andsustainthisplanet,theverybasisofourlivesrightnow.“Money is an empowerment, but by identifying yourselfwith it, you are

makingitanimpediment.Thereisnothingwrongwithmoney.Ifyouleaveitinyourpocketanddonotidentifywithit,itisuseful.Onceitgetsintoyourhead, it becomes a perversion. If youwouldmakeyour innerwellbeing thetoppriorityofyourlife,youwouldfindthatmoneyiseasilyhandled.”“Sadhguru,”Isaid,“Iknowthatyourfatherwasaphysician.Didyouhave

anaffluentupbringing?”“Moneywasnotanissueinmyhome,”hesaid.“Myfatherhadaverygood

career, but money was not a central focus. My father's father was amillionaire, butmy father refused all the familywealth thatwas his for theasking. Instead of going into the family business, he became a physician.Whenmyfatherwasjustfiveyearsofage,helosthismothertotuberculosis.Asshewitheredaway in thosedayswithout theneededremedy,shewishedthathersonwouldbecomeadoctor.Thatdesiretookrootinhimeventhoughhisfatherwantedhimto takeover thefamilybusiness.Onething thatstoodoutaboutmyfatherwasthewayhealwaysputotherpeoplefirst.Whetherhewasoncallornot,hewould immediately respondandacteven foraminorissuewhenever hewas called.Moneywas never involved. I can remembermany timeswhen the familywassittingdown todinnerandhewouldgetacalltohelpsomeone.Hewouldgetupandgo.Mymotherwouldaskthatheatleasttakeaminutetofinishhismeal,buthewouldalwaysjustgo.

“Now inmy grandfather's case (that ismymother's father), it was quitedifferent.Hewastherichestmaninthetown.Mygrandfatherwasenamoredwithhismoney,butmygrandmotherwasveryspiritual.ThecontrastbetweenthetwomadeabigimpressiononmewhenIwasyoung.“Every day there was abundant cooking going on at my grandparents’

house,andinthemorningallthebeggarsinthetownwerefedthere,threetofourhundredofthem.Mygrandfatherranhisownkindofkingdom.Hesatatthefrontdoorforhisbusinessaffairs,startingatsixthirtyinthemorning.Thefirst thing was the feeding of the beggars, and those gifts to them wererecorded.Maybe he believed they helped him to buy his tickets toHeaven.Thenhegoton tohis financial transactions.He lentmoney toanybodyandeverybody in town,andpeoplecame in themorning topay their interest, tosettletheirloans,orwhatever.Healsolentmoneytotheclassofpeoplecalledtheuntouchables.To thosepeople,hewould justdrop themoney,ashedidnotwanttotouchthem.“Whilemy grandfather ran his kingdom,my grandmother ran a different

sortofkingdomoutofthereardoor.Peoplecametomygrandfatherbecausetheycouldn'thelp it.Hehadthemoney, thepower.After theyfinishedwithhim,aftertheywentthroughtheterribleexperienceofdealingwithhim,manyof the same people found their way to the rear of the house where mygrandmotherwouldsit.Shehadnothingtogive,buteverybodywantedtobetherewithherforatleastafewminutes.Thesamepeoplethatmygrandfatherwouldnottouch,mygrandmotherwelcomedatthebackdoorandenvelopedinherlove.Theysharedtheirlivesandtheirproblemswithher.“Iwasfascinatedbythis.Youknow,thesetwokingdomsattwoendsofthe

house.SomehowIalwaysfeltmygrandmother'skingdomhadmoregraceandbeautyaboutit,sincepeoplecametherebecausetheywantedtocome.Peoplewenttoseemygrandfatherbecausetheyhadtogothere:Theyhadnootherway.Iamsurethatiftheyhadenoughmoney,thosesamepeoplewouldhavehadnothingtodowithhim.“When my grandmother was sixty-four, she moved out of the house.

Thoughthefamilyownedlargetractsoflandinthearea,shewentandsetupalittletempleonsomeoneelse'sland,andthiswasanabsolutedisgracetothefamily. They were the richest people in the town, yet she built her smalltemplewithherownhandsonsomeoneelse'sland,andshelivedthereoffthatperson'sland.Shegrewherownvegetablesthere.“Shewouldoftencometomygrandfather'shouseforthreeorfourhoursin

themornings, especially ifwewere there visiting.Whenwewent there for

vacations,shemadesuretocomeandspendafewhourswithus,andsheusedtodosomethinginthemorningthatfascinatedmesomuch.Shewouldtakeaplateful of her breakfast and go outside with it. She went to where thesquirrels, sparrows, andother creatureswere, and littleby little, sheputouther food for them. She put it everywhere. At least three-fourths of herbreakfastsheputout for the littlecreaturesbeforesheateanything,andshetalked to themas if they understoodher language. Sometimes she talked tothemverbally,andothertimesshewasjustreallysortofwiththem.“Mostof the familydismissedherascrazy,butwhat shewasdoingwith

theselittlecreaturesfascinatedmebecauseshewasreallywiththem.Tomeasachild,whatshewasdoinglookedquitenatural.Shewascommunicatingwiththeanimalsjustasonewouldspeakandcommunicatewithpeople.“It was onlymuch later that I thought aboutwhat shewas doing.Many

timesshewouldn'teatanyofherfoodatall.Whensomeonewasthere,theywouldask,‘Whyaren'tyoueating?’‘Ialreadyate,’shewouldsay.‘Iatewiththesquirrels.’Shefedthemandshefeltfullherself.Itwasnotanemotion.Itwasrealtoher.Shereallyfeltherstomachwasfull,anditwasenough.Shelivedtobe113,soitmusthavebeenokay.“So,much later,when I startedexperiencing thingsverymuchoutof the

ordinary, every little thing she did suddenly meant so much more to me.Before,Ilikedit,butIcouldnotunderstandthedepthoftransactionshehadwithlife.”AsSadhgurupaused,Iagainquestionedhim.“Youmentionedthatoneof

yourgrandmotherswould singanddance inecstasyand throw flowerswithherfeettothegods,”Isaid.“Isthisthesamegrandmother?”“That'sher.Howcould therebe two?”he replied,nodding. “Lateron, so

manymoreofherwaysbecamecleartomeandhavebecomemine,too.Allthatshewasmeanssomuchmoretomenow.”

Wewalkedawhileinsilencealongthepathandstoppedonapromontoryoverlookingthelakethatgleamedserenelyinthesunlight.Aroundtheedges,the reflections of trees created a perfectmirror image of the shore.Butmymindcouldnotbestilllikethelake.Iwantedtogetbacktomyotherquestion,

soIsaid,“Okay,anotherquestion.Dopeopleactuallyhavealife'scalling?”Sadhgurulaughed.“Iflifeiscallingyou,”hesaid,“youmustgotowardit

withutmostpassionandinvolvement,notwithhesitationandcalculation.Assurvivalhappenstobeabasisfor life,onlywhenit is takencareofwill thefinerandsubtleraspectsof life findaplace insociety.This isnotabout theegoproblemofwantingtodosomethingdifferent;itisjustaboutyourlivingtoyour fullpotential. Ifyouare trulypassionateabouteveryaspectofyourlife,youwill realizeveryeasilywhatyouaregoodat.Youmaybegoodateppumeilladadi.”“Whatisthat?”Iasked.“That means you may be good at something that has never been done

before, something completely new. But, even if you are not a completeoriginal,evenifyouaredoingthesamesimple,age-oldthings,whenyoudothem with utmost passion and involvement, they will raise you to a newdimension of experience. Problems comewhen people are passionate aboutonlyone thing,orwhen theyarepassionate inanexclusiveway.Thisoftenleads to isolation. Exclusive existence and a very limited involvement willonlyleadtofrustrationandpain.Iamtalkingaboutall-inclusivepassion.“Onemustbeintouchwitheverythingone'sfivesensescanperceiveina

given moment, be absolutely passionately involved with that. This is truecompassion.Compassion isnot anattitudeofkindnessbut an instrumentofunprejudicedinvolvement.“Thewaylifehappensisfirstbeing,thendoing,andthenhaving.Butright

now,becauseyouare trappedinyourmind,youarealwaysthinkingfirstofhaving.Youcometoastageinyourlifewhenyouwanttohaveacertainkindof life that includesacertainkindofmate,house,car,orwhatever.How tohavethis?Nowyouarethinkingwhattodo.Themomentyoustart thinkingwhat to do, the people around you start advising you. You start thinkingdoctor, lawyer, export business, or whatever. Once you do one of theseprofessions for a period of time, you start thinking you have becomesomething, and then you are just moving against life. You are going thehaving-doing-beingway,anditleadstoanendlesspursuitofhaving,whichisthe basis of an unfulfilled life.Youmust first establish yourway of being.Then, whether you get to have what you desire or not, you will still bewonderful.Thequalityofyourlifeisdecidedbyyourwayofbeingandwhatyouget tohave isonlyaquestionof capability andconducive situations. Ifyoumakethissimpleshift tobeing, todoing, tohaving, thenalargepartofyourdestinywillbebyyourwill.

“Now, I want you to get this right: There is no life's calling, but life iscalling—both fromwithin andwithout.Onlywhenyou truly respond to thecall of life will you know life in its entirety. Only when you know anunprejudicedandabsolute involvementwith theuniverse, everyatom in theuniverse,willyouexplore, experience, andknow the full scopeofwhoyouare.And,inthisabsoluteinvolvement,youneednotbelimitedbyyourownpastexperienceandcapabilities;youcanimbibeandhaveaccesstothegreatstorehouseofknowingthatistheverynatureoftheuniverse.Itisalsothroughthisabsorbed,unadulteratedinvolvementthatonecanknowthetruenatureoftheself,whichisboundless,andthebasisofall,whichistheultimatedestinythattheall-desiringprocessisactuallyleadingyouonto.”A few flimsy white clouds scuttled by overhead. At this point, we were

comingtotheendofaninletandwouldsoonbeheadedbacktowardthelakehouse.Even thougheverythingwe talk toSadhguru aboutultimately comesbackaroundtoourknowingwhoweare,Istillwantedtoaskhimaboutsomemoreofourobstacles.“Sadhguru,”Isaid,“manypeopleinthiscountryaresostressedoutanditisruiningtheirlives.Whatcantheydoaboutit?”“First of all,” he said, “why are people becoming stressed?When I first

came to theUnited States a few years ago,wherever Iwent, I noticed thatpeople were talking about stress management. I could not understand that.Whywouldanybodywanttomanagetheirstress?Youwanttomanagethingsthatyouvalue,don'tyou?Doyouwanttomanagethingsyoudon'tcarefor?Icanunderstand that youwant tomanageyour business, your property, yourfamily,yourmoney,thingslikethat,butwhystress?“Ittookmeawhiletounderstandthatpeoplehavecometotheconclusion

that there is noway to livewithout stress. Stress is an acceptedpart of lifehere.Butthetruthisthatstressisnotapartoflifeexceptwhenyouhavelostyour sanity. Stress is not happening because your job is difficult. It ishappening because you are incapable of handling your own systems. Youdon'tknowhowtomanageyourbodyoryourmindoryouremotionsoryourenergies.Ifyouknowthat,thennothingisstressfulbecauseyouarenolongerhijackedbyexternalsituations.”In the silence that followed thesewords, Imulledoverwhathe said.We

hadheard,Ithought,anaspectofhisteachingthatreacheddowndeepintotheeverydayexperiencesofliving.IwasgladIaskedthequestionsIhadthoughtmightbetooshallow.

Aswecontinuedtowalkandchat,wecamearoundabendinthepathandheard,andthensaw,twodogsloudlyandaggressivelychargingatusfromashortdistanceaway.Previously,Ihadhadacloseencounterwithoneof thedogs, a red chow whose reputation for being hostile and confrontationalpreceded him. His owner had been told more than once to contain thisuncontrollabledog.Infact,someoftheneighborshadcalledAnimalControlseveraltimesabouthim,butthedogwasprettycraftyandsofarhadnotbeenpickedup.Iknewthisdogbysight,andhehadbeen joinedbyanotherscary, rabid-

lookingdog.WhenIsawthemchargingatus,Iscreamed.SadhgurumotionedforLeelaandmetostayback,andwestoppedandwaitedashewalkedon.Tomysurprise,when theferociouslygrowlingdogssawthegurucoming, theyimmediatelysatdownmeeklybythesideoftheroadasifcontainedbysomeunseenforce.AfterLeelaandIgingerlypassedthedogs,Iexpressedmysurpriseabout

theway theywere suddenly subdued. True to form, Sadhguru laughed andsaid, “Iwould not relish a piece ofmeat being pulled offmybody, thoughthey would! After this, these dogsmay be a little more civilized, althoughtheirownersprobablywillnotapproveof theirguarddogsbecominggentlecreatures.“Cheryl, I want you to understand that life around youwill respond and

create itself to match the way you are and not the way you or the peoplearound you think you are. What you think about yourself is existentiallyirrelevant.”We walked on in silence after that, but no matter how serene my

surroundingsweremymindwouldsimplynotquietitself.IcouldnotgetoverhowevenaggressiveanimalsseemtoknowwhoSadhguruis.SomanythingshappenwhenIamaroundhimthatIwouldnormallyfindextraordinary,yetinhispresencetheyseemperfectlynormal.Thisexperiencewiththedogsremindedmeofsomethingthathappenedon

the Himalayan trek I took with Sadhguru and Leela. The trek began on agorgeousSeptemberday,andIwasamongseveralhundredpeopletrekkinginthebreathtakinglybeautifulHimalayanMountainsof IndiawithSadhguru. Ihad read much about the Himalayas and the yogis and mystics who livedthere,andforyearsIhadwantedtovisit thosemythicmountains.Whenthe

opportunityarosetoexplorethisincredibleregionwithSadhguru,Ijumpedatthe chance even though less than fifteen months earlier, because of healthconditions,Iwasnotabletowalkevenaquartermile.Onthisextraordinaryday,wewereclimbingtowardmysticalKedarnath.It

is fairly high up in the mountains, at more than twelve thousand feet inelevation.Thiswasnoordinary trek; I knew thatSadhguruwasparticularlyfond of Kedar. He spoke of it often with love and reverence. It is a placewhere many saints and sages have lived, and still do. It is said to be acaptivatingplaceofintensity,solace,wisdom,wonder,andwildness.ThedaywewalkedtoKedar,theskywasbrilliantblueandthesunshone

thewholewayupthemountain.Itseemedadaymadejustforus.Althoughtheairwaswarmatthebaseofthemountain,itgotquitecoldasweclimbedhigher.Thatdaywe trekkedclose toninemiles.Alongourway, thereweretea stalls where one could get chai, Limca (a lime drink), or Fanta orangesodas.Onecouldalsogetbottledwaterandsomecrackersorcookies,andafewstallsofferedcookedIndianfood.Each person in our group was walking at his or her own pace, so even

thoughwewerealargegroup,wewalkedmostlyaloneandinsilence.Aswemadetheascent,weencounteredmanypeoplenotamongourentouragewhowere walking or riding horses or mules up and down the mountain. Somewerebeingcarriedbylocalpeopleinakindofbasket.Apparentlythismodeoftransportationwasnotuncommonathighelevations.When I was about three-fourths of the way up themountain, I came by

chanceuponayogiandabouttwentyofhisfollowers,whoalsowerewalkinguptowardKedar.Theirdress,demeanor,andsymbolsindicatedthattheywerestaunchworshipersofShiva,whointheyogicculture isseenasanadi-yogiandadi-guru,thefirstyogiandthefirstteacherofyoga.Assuch,heisknownasthegreatestguru.LegendhasitthatShivaactuallylivedonpristine,glacier-fedLakeKanthi

Sarovar,whichmeans“lakeofgrace,”locatedabouttwomilesaboveKedar.HeissaidtohavevisitedKedaroftentomeetandinstructtheyogisandsagesthere.Forthisreason,Kedarisconsideredhisabode,aplacethatevokeshispresence.Theyogiweencounteredon themountainworeasimple,unstitched,off-

white garment and a shawl, and he had holy ash smeared between hiseyebrows.Hewasbarefootedandoneofhisshoulderswasuncovered,buthedidnotseemtobebotheredbythecoldair.Hewassetapartbyhisintense,smolderingeyes,hisbeautifulface,hislong,flowingblackhair,thegraceand

agilityofhisstride,and theairofstrengthabouthim.Helookedaboutfiftyyears old and appeared to be a guru himself.Hewas noticeablymore self-assured than the people with him, even arrogant, and you could tell theylookeduptohim.Hispowerwasapparent.Iwalked on and soon lost sight of the distinctivelooking guru, but I saw

himagainseveralhourslaterbesidetherivernearthetopofthemountain.Heseemedtohavenofatigueafterthelongtrek.Then I sawoneof the Isha volunteers fromour group approachhim and

starttalkingtohimaboutSadhguruandtheDhyanalinga,ameditationshrinethatSadhgurubuilt inSouth India.Theyogi said, “Whyareyou tellingmethis?Idonotcareaboutsomeguruorsomeshrine.Youobviouslycannotseewho I am. I amShiva!”The Ishavolunteerwas taken aback.Thiswas likesaying,“Iamtheultimate”or,“IamGod.”Despite his shock, however, the Isha volunteer was not dissuaded and

continued to talk to him about Sadhguru. They had quite an animateddiscussion,with the yogi continuing vehemently to dismiss the talk and thevolunteerandtoloudlyclaimthathewasShiva.Themeditatorthensaid,“IfyouareShiva,you shoulddefinitelymeetmyguru;hewill becomingheresoon.”Theothermanshookhisheadindisagreement.Thisheatedexchangecontinueda little longer at anescalatingpitchuntil

thevolunteergaveupandwalkedaway.Theyogistayedtherewithhisgroup.Ashortwhilelater,IsawSadhguruhimselfapproaching,lookingverystylishanddecidedlyunspiritualintrekkingpants,hikingboots,anIndian-styleshirt,andaviatorsunglasses.Innowaydidhelookthepartofayogi.AsIwatched, the intense,barefootedShivacaughtsightofSadhguruand

somethingamazinghappened.Thisyogi,whowassoproud,whoseemedtoneed no one but his own godly self, went running to Sadhguru and threwhimselfonthegroundbeforehim,flatonhisfaceinfullprostration.

Dogs,ordinarypeople,NativeAmericanelders, andeven self-proclaimedShivasallrespondtoSadhguruinthemostextraordinaryways.Inspiteofallthat,heconstantlydownplayshisimportanceandkeepshimselfasaccessibletohisstudentsaspossibletokeepusfromfeelingoverwhelmedandawedby

him.

CHAPTERSEVEN

NightFour:IntotheMystic

“Itishumanaspirationtofunctionatthepeakofbody,mind,andenergy.Yogaisatechnologythatfacilitatesthefulfillmentofthataspiration.”

—SadhguruOur eventful late afternoon walk left me with simultaneous feelings of

relief and hunger. Even Sadhguru, despite his tenacious will and relentlessenergy,appearedtobedueforsomenourishment.HeandIsatontheporch,relaxed and refreshed by the cool, breezymountain air, while Leela busiedherselfinthekitchen.Iglancedinatherfromtimetotime.Shehadtiedupherluxuriousblack

hair, and while she worked, her face appeared bathed in the stream ofremaining light that shone through the kitchen window. Seemingly withoutmuch effort, she assembled yet another magnificent feast, which we atequietly. Inwardly, I continued tomarvelat thewayonegentle spicemergeswiththevibrancyofanothertocreatelayersofflavors,andIwonderedhowinamerethirtyminutesLeelacouldproducesuchasymphonyoftastes,smells,anddelights.ButLeela'sgourmetcuisinewasnotallthatwasonmymind.Asquicklyas

she could combine her ingredients to create amagnificentmeal, so too ourweektogetherseemedtobepassingatwarpspeed.Betweenthetimespentinsilenceand reflectionand the lightningboltsof illuminationandclarity thatenergized our conversations with Sadhguru, the hours marched byrelentlessly.Liketheothersbeforeit,thisdaywouldalsobegoneinaflash.EvenasItriedtosavoreverymoment,asmuchasIwantedtheminutesandhourstolastlonger,thetimestillpassedatanunprecedentedspeed.Midnight rolled aroundagain, and sowewentdown to theboat and cast

off,returningtotheislandandtothestoryofSadhguru'slife—or,inhiscase,lives—andtotheimportanceofyogainhis(oranyone's)journey.Assoonaswewereallsettledinourspotsaroundthefire,Iwastednotimeinitiatingthe

conversation. “Sadhguru, this morning you said that yoga actually ‘hastensone'sevolution.’Canyouelaborate?Iknowthisishappeningtome,buthowisitpossibleandwhatexactlyishappening?”“Thereisabeautifulstoryaboutacaterpillarthatillustratesthis,”Sadhguru

said.“Haveyouheardthatstorybefore?”“No,Iamnotfamiliarwithit.”“Thiscaterpillarlivedmuchofitslifebelievingithadcomeintobeingonly

to eat and sleep and dowhat the rest of the caterpillars did. However, thisparticular caterpillar was restless and unhappy, and he felt incomplete.Somehowhesensedthatlifehadadimensionnotyetexperienced.“Oneday,drivenbya strange longinghecouldneitherdefinenor fulfill,

therestlessfellowbecamestillandsilent.Hehungfromthebranchofatreeandwove andwove, weaving a cocoon around himself. Inside the cocoon,although constrained and uncomfortable, hewaited, sensing and aware.Hispatienceeventuallyborefruit,forwhenthecocoonburstopen,loandbehold,hewas no longer the lowlyworm thatwove darkness around himself but aresplendent,wingedbutterflywhoseverycolorsdazzledtheappreciativesky.Nowhesoaredandflew,nolongerlimitedtoaworm-likeexistence,butfreeandunchained.Thecaterpillarhadbeentransformedintoathingoflightnessandair,magicandbeauty.“Once the transformation had taken place, it was impossible for the

butterflytoreturntobeingaworm.Inthecocoon,thecaterpillarhadbecomeone with his inner being, and in this union of the body and the divine hereachedhisultimatenature.”Sadhgurupaused,hiseyesaliveandsparkling,andthenhesaid,“Whathappenedinthecocooncanbedescribedasyoga.”He paused for a moment before saying, “Here I must say that it really

amused me recently to hear a top-level neuroscientist tell me that withintwenty-fourhourswecancompletelyrewireourbrains—thatwithinadaywecan change the very fundamentals of our life. He went on to add that theneuronactivityinthebrainisofthehighestpossibilitywhenourspineiserectandourbodyisstill.Thisissomethingwehaveknownforages!”ThenSadhguruaskedmeifIhadheardthatsomeresearchersinIndiahad

beenscanningthebrainsofpeoplewhohavebeenthroughIshaYoga'sInnerEngineeringcourseandpracticingthetechniquesformorethanthreemonths.Ihadheardaboutthat,soInoddedyes.Sadhguruwent on to say that the scientists had found that the coherence

betweenthepractitioners’rightandleftbrainwasphenomenallyhigh.“That

means,Cheryl,thatyouwillgettousealittlemoreofyourbrainthanbefore.Generally they say that people are only using 12 percent of their brain, butfrommyexperienceof people, I don't believe they are using even that,” hesaidandletoutahootofinfectiouslaughter.Thenhewenton,“Yogaisthepathofbecominglimitless.Yogatransforms

and liberates human beings so that they can reach this unbounded state.Humans,unlikeanimals,donotmerelyexist.Theyarebecoming.‘Human’isnotanestablishedquality;onehastogrowintoit.Onehastobecomethat.Toevolve as a human being is to become aware of one's limitations, to strive,with intense passion, toward the transcendence for which we all have thepotential. Yoga is a way of finding your ultimate potential. In a specificcontext,yogahascometomeanspiritualunionwiththeabsolute.Liberationwhile living is the goal of yoga, the highest experience, a fusion of theindividualwiththeuniversal.”Although his words seemed both inspiring and filled with possibility, I

caughtmyselfagainwonderingifsuchtranscendencereallycouldbepossibleforme.Eventhoughmanyremarkablethingshadhappenedtome,IcontinuedtowonderifIwouldtrulybeabletobecomeself-realizedinthislifetime.Partofmewondered howmuch the yoga, the practices, had to dowith it. It's atechnology that affects not only your body,mind, and energy, but that alsosomehowmakesyoureceptive.Iknowitisabigpartofit,butIalsoknowitisnotthewholething.SomeofthepracticesSadhguruteachesaresimilartothoseIwasexposedtointhepast,butheputsthemtogetherinacompletelydifferentway.EvenwithalltheyogaSadhgurudidinpreviouslifetimes,andwith all that he accomplished, he said he did not become enlightened. Thereasonwhy is shrouded inmystery. I knew thepracticeswereworking, butperhaps this process is more than something I can do myself. SomethingseemstohavetohappenthatI'mnotdoing.IhaveoftenheardSadhgurusaythat“youhavetoputyourselfaside.”Perhaps the answer to this question could be found in Sadhguru's own

story.Stillcuriousastohowhehadcometoyogainthislifetime,Iaskedhim,“Didyouhaveayogateacherthistimearound?”“Yes, when I was just eleven years of age, the grace of my guru found

expression in the form of an ageless yogi.Hewas a seventy-eight-year-oldboyat the timeandhe livedon toaveryactive108yearsofage.Thisyogiwasadirectdiscipleofmyreveredguru.Hecameasanunknownremindertome ofmy guru'swill to create an eternal energy form.He taughtme someverysimpleyogapractices.Afterthat,thissimpleformofyogajustbeganto

happeneveryday for thenext thirteenyears.The reason Iamsaying that itjust happened is because Iwasnot committed to thediscipline, butwithoutonesingleday'sbreak,itjusthappenedfromwithinmetocreateaverystrongandstablebodyandmindunderanysituation.NomatterwhereIwas,everydaywithout fail I did the yoga.Since then there has beenno lookingback.Lifehasmovedatafast-forwardpacefromonepeaktoanother,assistedandenhancedbythegraceofagloriousbeing.”“Whowasthisyogateacher”Iasked.“ThisyogiwhotaughtmeafewsimplepracticeswasnamedMalladiHalli

Swami.”“Whatwashelike?”“Hewasanincrediblehumanbeing.Hewasayogi,abodybuilder,andalso

anexpertinvariousmartialarts.Inadditiontothoseaccomplishments,hewasagreatayurvedicdoctor,orhealerusinganancientart.Hewasanadivaidya,whichissomeonewhocandiagnosediseasesimplybyfeelingthepulse.Hecouldnotonlytellwhatwasgoingoninyoursystemtoday,hecouldtellwhatdiseasesyouwouldgetinthenextfifteenyears.Hewouldtellyourightnow,andwhat'smore,hewouldtellyouwhatcorrectivemeasurestotake.“Heused to come to the townwheremygrandparents lived and campat

theirhouse.Itwasaverylargehouse—thehouseitselfwasalmostanacreinsize—andinthebackyardtherewasalargewell.”“What doyoumeanby ‘largewell’?” I could not remember having seen

anylargewellsinthiscountry.“Allthoseoldhomeshadwellsinthebackyards.Thiswellwasabouteight

feetindiameteranddroppedtoabout150feet.Inthesummer,thewaterwasaboutsixtytoseventyfeetdown.Oneofthesportswedidaschildrenforfunwastojumpintothewellandclimbout.Climbingoutwasabigpartof thechallenge.Therewereno stairs; youhad toholdon to the rocks and spideryourwayup.“Ifyoudidnot jumpcarefully,yourbrains couldbecomea smearon the

wall.Sowe jumped inandclimbedout, jumped inandclimbedout.Onlyafew of the boys could do it. One day this seventy-something-year-oldmancame. He looked at us and then jumped into the well, and he climbed outfasterthanme.Ididnotlikethat.Thismanwasnotjustold,hewasancienttome.SoIaskedhim,‘Okay,how?’“Hesaidtome,‘Youcomeanddoyoga.’That'showIgot intoyogathis

time.

“Swami was such an incredible human being. The way he lived wasremarkable.Sixdaysaweekhetraveledandonlyonedayaweekhestayedinhisashram.Hemaintainedthatscheduleforninetyyearsofhislife.Mondaymorningshewasalwaysattheashrambecausethatwasthedayhesatasanayurvedic doctor. He began his day at three thirty or four o'clock in themorning and went on until eight at night. Once he sat down to treat hispatientsthatwasit.Hedidn'tgetupforfood,toilet,this,that.Nothing.“Thevolunteerswhocametohelphimarrivedinshifts,buthewouldjust

sitthereforeighteenhoursstraight.Andforeverypatientwhocame,hehadajoketotell.Thiswasnotlikeadoctor-patientthingatall;thiswasmorelikeafestival.Mostpeopleforgotthattheyevenhadadiseaseinhispresence.“The next six days he would be traveling, most of the time lecturing,

demonstrating, and fundraising. He was definitely one yogi who was notafraidofmoney.Hespentalotoftimefundraisingbecauseatthattimehehadthree thousand destitute children with him, whom he was feeding andeducating.Youknowwhatisinvolvedinfeedingandeducatingjustonechild.“When I had been doing yogawith him for six or seven years, the other

boysandIusedtogetintothewrestlingringwithhim.Ihadbeenworkingoutin a gymnasium and I joggedmore than twelve kilometers a day, so at thetimeIwasallmuscleandveryfit.Therewereafewboyswhowerestrongerthanme,butIwasalsoconsideredveryquick.Icouldevencatchasnake;notjust any snake, but a provoked cobrawhen itwas trying to attack. Iwouldcatchitwithmyhandswithoutastickoranything.EvennowIcandoit.Iwassoquick,butifIgotintotheringwithSwami,itwasnogood.Healwaysgotthebetterofme.“Toeventhescorewebegantopit threeboysagainsthim.Hewasinhis

eightiesandwethreeyoung,strong,quickboysneverlastedaminute.Withinsecondshewouldhaveall threeofuspinneddown.Notoncedidwe last aminutewithhim.So,weusedtojokewithhimaboutwhenhewasgoingtodie.We'daskhim,‘Thewayyou'regoing,whenwillyougo?Itlookslikewewillpassyouandgo.Whenareyougoing?’“Hewouldveryconfidentlysay,‘Ihaveanotherfortyyearsofworkbefore

Ifinishandgo.’Hewasalmostsuperhuman.Thewayhewasgoingitlookedlikehewasgoingtofulfillthat,butattheageof108,hepassedaway.“To give you an example of the incredible way he lived and his

commitmenttowhathewasdoing,onenightwhenhewasaroundeightyhegottotherailwaystationalittlelateintheevening.ItwasaSundayevening.No matter where he was on Sunday, he was always back in the ashram

Mondaymorningtoseepatients.“So,thisSundayeveninghewasinatowncalledArasikere,whichisabout

seventykilometers(orfortythreemiles)away,andtherailwaywasonstrike.Therewas no train and no otherway to get to the ashram.Therewere twocompanionswithhim.Whenhesawthatthetrainswerenotoperating,hejustleft his companions standing on the railway platform and took off runningdownthe tracks.Overnightheran theentireseventykilometersandreachedtheashramearlyMondaymorningtotreathispatients.Peopleintheashramdidnotrealizehowhegotthereuntillater,whentheothertwopeoplearrivedandsaid,‘Swamijiranawayontherailwaytracks!’“At theageof108,onacertainday,Swamiwas inMysorecitygivinga

lecturewhenhecollapsedonthedais.Hehadsomekindofacardiacattack.Wedon't knowhowmajororminor itwas.When theyadmittedhim to thehospital,hewasunconscious.“Theyputhimin theICU,whichwasonthesecondfloor.Somewhere in

the middle of the night, he became conscious and saw all the tubes andneedles theyput inhisbody.Thiswasnotacceptable tohim.Hehadneverbeen in a hospital before. He just pulled out everything been in a hospitalbefore.He justpulledouteverythingyear-oldman jumpedoutofa second-floorwindowandgotaway!Threemonths laterhedied.Suchan incrediblehumanbeinghewas.“Yet, when this incrediblemanwas a child of eight or nine, youwould

never have been able to recognize what he would become. He was such achronicasthmaticthathisparentswereconvincedhewasgoingtodie,anddieveryyoung.Hewasnotgrowingrightandwasverysmallforhisage.Whenagreatyogihappened tocome to theirarea, theywentandhanded theirchildover tohimandsaid, ‘Please, try todosomethingforhim.’Swamitooktheboyinoutofcompassion,andhe livedwith thisyogiforseveralyears.Theyogi brought up the boy. In the care of this divine yogi, the boy grewincredibly.”AsSadhgurutoldthisstory,anewquestionoccurredtome.Havingheard

somany stories about the benefits of yoga, now IwonderedwhySadhguruseemed to discount the yoga he practiced in his past lifetime,when hewascalledShivaYogi.“Sadhguru,”Isaid,“lastnightyoutoldusthattheyogathatShivaYogidid

wasofnorelevancetoyou.Whyisthat?Imean,itworked,didn'tit?”After consideringmyquestion, he said, “Itworked to apoint.But itwas

stillnogood,whenallyouwantisultimaterealization.Nothingelsematters.DoyouwantGodorjusttoreceivehisgifts?ShivaYogiwasabletoraisehisenergyuptohis thirdeye,orAgnachakra,buthewasnotable toattainthefinalrealization,soheremainedaforlornseeker.”I had heard some stories aboutSadhguru'smost recent past lifetime—the

nextbirthafterhewasknownasShivaYogi.Therearemanystoriesfloatingaroundaboutthatlifetimebecauseitwassorecentandisparticularlyrelevanttohis life this timearound.Somepeopleevenhavememoriesofbeingwithhimthen.Inthatlifetime,hewasalsoagurucalledSadhguru.HisfullnamewasSadhguruShreeBrahma.Hewasknownasachakreswara,onewhohasabsolutemasteryoverallthechakras(theenergysystem).But,Ididn'tknowwhatanyofthatmeant.“Howdothechakrastieintoallthis?”Ihadreadinmanyplacesthatthere

aresevenmainchakrasinthehumanbody,andthattheyareenergycenters,but I did not know anything else about them orwhat relevance theymighthave,letalonehowtheyworkoraffectus.When I asked this question, something about Sadhguru changed: His

presencebecamemarkedbyachargedintensitythatwasaudibleinhisvoice,as itoften iswhenheaddressescertain topics. IhadvisitedSadhguruShreeBrahma's ashram in Coimbatore, not too far from the Isha Yoga ashram.Althoughitisverysmallandnotverywellkept,thepresence—theenergy—in the place completely floored me. I never used to be very sensitive toanything like this.Thevery thoughtof theplaceevennowsendsanelectricfeelingupmyspine.IwassnappedoutofmyreveriewhenSadhgurubegantospeakinresponse

tomyquestion.“Whatwecall‘chakras’areenergycentersinthebody,”hebegan.“Seven

isthenumberofchakrasmostpeoplehaveheardabout,butthereareactually114chakrasinthebody.“Even though you have yet to realize it, the human body is a complex

energy form. In addition to the chakras, it has seventy-two thousandenergychannelscallednadis.Thesechannelsarethepathwaysalongwhichthevitalenergymoves.Theymeetatdifferentpointsinthebodyandformatriangle.Wecall this triangleachakra,whichmeans ‘wheel.’Wecall itachakra,orwheel, because it symbolizes growth, dynamism, and movement. So, eventhoughitisactuallyatriangle,wecallitachakra.Someofthesecentersarevery powerful while others are not as powerful. At different levels, theseenergycentersproducedifferentqualitiesinahumanbeing.

“Fundamentally,anyspiritualpathcanbedescribedasajourneyfromthebase chakra, called the Mooladhara chakra and located at the base of thespine,totheSahasrarchakra,locatedatthetopofthehead.Thesevenchakrasare called Mooladhara, Swadhisthana, Manipuraka, Anahata, Vishuddhi,Agna,andSahasrar.“This journey ofmovement from theMooladhara chakra to the Sahasrar

chakraisfromonedimensiontoanother.Thismayhappeninmanydifferentways. All the different yoga practices can effect this movement.Fundamentally, you can describe any spiritual path as a journey from thelowest to the highest chakra. Mooladhara means the fundamental, orfoundation.Itistheveryfulcrumoflife,theverybasisoflife.Itislocatedatthe base of your spine. You cannot live without being active in this basechakra,butyoucanlivewithoutbeingactiveintheSahasrarchakra.“Mooladhara is really made up of two terms:Moola means the root or

sourceandadharmeansthefoundation.So,itistheverybasicfoundationoflife. In this physical body, your energies need to be to some extent in theMooladhara chakra. Otherwise, you cannot exist. But, if the Mooladharachakraalone isdominant, foodand sleepwillbe thepredominant factors inyourlife.“Wecanspeakintermsoflowerandhigherchakras,butsuchlanguageis

often and too easily misunderstood. It is like saying the foundation of abuildingandtheroofofabuilding.Theroofofthebuildingisnotsuperiortothefoundationofthebuilding.Thefoundationofthebuildingismorebasictothe building than the roof. The quality, the life span, and the stability andsecurityofthebuildingdependtoalargeextentonitsfoundationratherthanonitsroof.Butintermsoflanguage,theroofishigher,andthefoundationislower.“The next chakra is called Swadhisthana. If your energies move into

Swadhisthana,youareapleasureseeker.TheSwadhisthanachakraislocatedjust above the genital organs. When this chakra is active, you enjoy thephysicalworldinsomanyways.Ifyoulookatapleasureseeker,youseethathislifeandhisexperienceoflifearejustalittlemoreintensecomparedtoapersonwhoisonlyaboutfoodandsleep.“Ifyourenergymoves into theManipurakachakra,youareadoer in the

world. You are all about action. You can do many, many things. You areendless activity. If your energies move into the Anahata chakra, you are acreativeperson,apersonwhoiscreativeinnature,oranartist,oranactor,orsomeone who lives very intensely— more intensely, perhaps, than a

businessman,whoisallaction.“The Anahata literally means the ‘un-struck.’ If you want to make any

sound,youhavetostriketwoobjectstogether.Theun-strucksoundiscalledAnahata.Anahata is likea transitionbetweenyoursurvival instinctsand theinstinct to liberate your self. It is located in the heart area.The lower threechakras are mainly concerned with your physical existence. Anahata is acombination:Itisameetingplaceforboththesurvivalandtheenlightenmentchakras.“ThenVishuddhi—awordthatliterallymeansafilter.Vishuddhiislocated

intheareaofyourthroat.IfyourenergiesmoveintoVishuddhi,youbecomeavery powerful human being, but this power is not just political oradministrative.Apersoncanbepowerfulinmanyways.Apersoncanbecomesopowerfulthatifhejustsitsinoneplace,thingswillhappenforhim.Hecanmanifestlifebeyondthelimitationsoftimeandspace.“If your energies move into the Agna chakra, located between your

eyebrows, you are intellectually enlightened. You have attained to a newbalanceandpeacewithinyou.Theoutsidenolongerdisturbsyou,butyouarestillexperientiallynotliberated.“If your energies move into Sahasrar, you become ecstatic beyond all

reason.Youwillsimplyburstwithecstasyfornoreasonwhatsoever.“Allthesechakrashavemorethanonedimensiontothem.Onedimension

isaphysicalexistence—abiologicalexistence—andtheyalsohaveaspiritualdimension. So, all these chakras can be transformed into a completelydifferent dimension. If you bring the right kind of awareness, the sameMooladhara that is food and sleep will turn into the process of becomingabsolutelyfreefromtheprocessoffoodandsleep.Ifonewantstogobeyondfoodandsleep,oneneedsMooladharainanevolvedstate.“To move from Mooladhara to Agna requires many procedures, many

methods,processesthroughwhichonecanraiseone'senergies.FromAgnatoSahasrar,thereisnopath.Youcanonlyjumpthere.Inawayyouhavetofallupward. So, the question of going step by step to that dimension does notreallyarise.Thereisnoway.Itisbecauseofthisoneaspectthatthespiritualtraditions have emphasized the significance of the guru's role in one'srealization.Youcanonly jumpintoanabyss thedepthofwhichyoudonotknowifyouhaveanabsolutelyinsaneheart,orifyourtrustinsomeoneissodeepyouarewillingtodoanythinginhispresence.Mostpeople,duetoalackof either of these two aspects, just get stuck in Agna chakra. Then,peacefulness is the highest thing that they will know. It is only from this

limitation that there has been so much talk about peace being the highestpossibility.”“Sadhguru,”Iasked,“whatdoesthishavetodowithkundalini?”“Themostfundamentalenergywithinyouiscalledkundalini.Tofulfillour

survivalneeds,justaminisculeamountofthisenergyisneeded.Mostoftheenergy within you is untapped or unaroused. We refer to this energy askundalini,symbolizedasacoiledsnake.“Thereasonasnakeisusedforsymbolismisbecausewhenasnakeisstill,

itisabsolutelystill.Onlywhenitmovesdoyounoticeit.Thatisthenatureofa snake. So, kundalini is referred to as a coiled snake because this energy,whichissotremendous,existswithinyou,butuntilitmoves,youwillneverrealizeitisthere.Oncetheenergyisaroused,itdoesmanythingstoyou.”I certainly knowhow the practices, themethods, I learned fromhim that

were supposed to cause this energy tomove had affectedmy health. Therewas no denying the results of my blood tests before and after. The doctorthought it was astonishing. It also provides an explanation for some of thethings that I've experienced, like when things seem much more vivid thanusual,asifmyperceptionismuchdeeperandeverythingispulsatingwithavibrantenergy.I'veexperiencedthisatsacredspotsintheHimalayasandalsoinmyday-to-daylife.Everythinghasgottencrisperandmorevibrant.“In yogic culture, very systematicmethods for tapping this energy exist.

When your energy moves, you cannot believe that this is you. Somethingenormousbeginstohappen.Itbecomesatremendousforcewithin.So,ifthiskundalini moves to different dimensions of your body, or your chakras, itaffectsdifferentaspectsofyourlifeinsomanyways....”Sadhgurufellsilent,asifhehadsaidenoughfornow.Sensingthatitwas

timetochangethesubject,afterafewmomentsIasked,“So,whathappenedtoShivaYogi?”Sadhgurucontinuedwiththestory.“EventhoughShivaYogiwasexposed

toavarietyofsadhanaandmethods,andhadmasteredthesame,hebecamestagnant after reaching the level of the Agna chakra. The final realization,aftersomucheffort,hadstillnothappened.Thenhesawadivineguruandatthat moment, he recognized that this guru was at the absolute peak ofconsciousness.“Until then he had not found a guru that could lead him to the ultimate.

Even though he had met many people who were at heightened levels ofconsciousness,hewouldnot accept anothermanas aguru.Heonlywanted

Shiva to come and initiate him. Shivawas known as the highest. For him,Shivawastheonlyguru.“ToShivaYogi,ShivawasGodhimself.OnlyifShivaappearedwouldhe

accept a guru; otherwise, he stuck to his sadhana. But, when he saw thisdivineguruandrecognizedthathewasattheverypeakofconsciousness,hebecamecompletelyreceptivetohim.“Even thoughhewasable toopenhimself to theguru toanextent, there

was still some resistance in him because he could only completely open toShiva.Theguru,anenlightenedyogiwhosawtheintensityinShivaYogiandhisstruggle tosurpassAgnachakra,outofhiscompassionusedhiswalkingstickandlightlytappedShivaYogi'sforeheadbetweentheeyebrows.“In that moment, Shiva Yogi merged into his ultimate nature. But, a

childlikelonginginhimstillcravedtoseeShiva.Thedivineguru,outofhiscompassion,cateredtothischildlikeneedandtooktheformofShivahimself.ShivaYogi'scontactwithhisguruwasverybrief in thephysicalsense,andafterthattheynevermetagain.But,theyremainedintouchinadifferentway.“Somehow,thedivineguruidentifiedShivaYogiasapersonsuitableand

capableofcarryingoutagifthewantedtooffertohumanity:theestablishingofanenergyform,a linga,ofimmenseproportionsthatwouldaidpeopleinbringingaboutunobstructed spiritual transformation.This is anenergy formthat would always be available to people who wanted to evolve theirconsciousness. Thiswas a gift the divine guruwanted tomake available tohumanity.Beforeleavinghisbody,heconveyedavisionoftheeternalformtoShivaYogiandentrusted thiswork tohim.Thiswasnotdone inspeech,not in words. He communicated that this needed to be done, and hetransmittedthetechnologytohim.“Shiva Yogi immediately began working toward fulfilling this mission

ordainedbyhisguru.Formanyreasons,hewasunabletocompletehisguru'svision in that lifetime.Outofunfailinggratitude,hisdesire to establish thissacred energy formand fulfill his guru'swishes setShivaYogion a coursethattooktwomorelifetimes.”After enlightenment,Sadhguru said,onegenerallyends thecycleofbirth

and death on the physical plane. But, because of the work of creating aneternalform,whichcametobeknownastheDhyanalinga,ShivaYogimadetherarechoicetoreincarnateandcontinuehisphysicalsojourn.

WhenIaskedSadhguruwhytherewerenotmoreenlightenedbeingsontheplanet,hesaidthatformostbeings,themomentofenlightenmenthappensatthetimeofleavingthebody.IreadthatevenBuddha,afterhisenlightenment,chosenottocomebackforanotherearthlysojournwhenitwastimeforhimtogo.AfterBuddhaawakened,hewrotethefollowingpoem:

SeekingbutnotfindingtheHouseBuilder,Itraveledthroughtheroundofcountlessbirths:

Opainfulisbirtheverandagain.HouseBuilder,youhavenowbeenseen;Youshallnotbuildthehouseagain.Yourraftershavebeenbrokendown;Yourridgepoleisdemolishedtoo.

MymindhasnowattainedtheunformednirvanaAndreachedtheendofeverykindofcraving.

ThenBuddha'snextthoughtwas,“Ihaveattainedtheunborn.Myliberationis unassailable. This is my last birth. There will now be no renewal ofbecoming.”AsIwaswonderingwhatitcouldpossiblymeannottobeidentifiedwith

ourbodiesandpersonalities,andjustwhatliberationactuallymeans,IstartedthinkingaboutShivaYogi'sdivineguru. Iwonderedwhysomethingdidnotseemtoaddup.ThenI realized thatSadhguruhadmentionedhimearlier inrelationship to his yoga teacher in this lifetime. I could not see howSadhguru's guru from another lifetime could also beMalladiHalli Swami'sguruinthislifetime.Iasked,“Areyousayingthattheguruwholiberatedyoutwolifetimesagowasyouryogateacher'sguruinthislifetime?”Sadhgurusaid,“Yes,hehadthesameguruasme.”“Howisthatpossible?”Iasked.“Mydivineguruactuallylived150,160years,”Sadhguruanswered.

I had heard many extraordinary tales about yogis before, living evenhundreds of years, but I never thought that it was actually possible. IrememberedreadinginYogananda'sTheAutobiographyofaYogiaboutmanysuchpossibilities thatyogishadexploredandmanifested.Even thoughIamgenerally open-minded, I am always skeptical about such things and hadthoughtthesestorieswerejustsymbolicandnotfactual—untilnow.“Thisconvergenceofguruscouldnothavebeenacoincidence,”Isaid.Sadhgurulaughed.“Yes,”hesaid.“Itwasmorelikeaninsurancepolicy.”“Are you saying that because your guru wanted to see the Dhyanalinga

happen,hewassomehow involvedagain inyour life this time?How is thatpossible?”“Cheryl,whenyour consciousness is no longer identifiedwithyourbody

andmind,many things are possible.Many things that seem like ‘miracles’becomepossible.”“Sadhguru,”Iasked,“buthowaremiraclespossible?”“So, you are asking now what a miracle is?” Sadhguru responded.

“Miraclesarealwayswithinthelawsofnature,butthoselawsarenotnowonyour current level of perception.They involve something that is happening,genuinely happening, though you are not able to understand or grasp how.Youseetheresult,butyouareunabletoseetheprocess.“Isitsodifficulttounderstandthatsomeonemayhaveadifferentlevelof

perceptionandcapabilities?Evenanimalshaveadifferentlevelofperceptionthan you.During the tsunami, all the animalswent to higher ground. Theyhaveadifferentperceptionthanpeople.“If youdid not knowanything about electricity or how it produces light,

andyoulookedatthistorchlight,asfarasyouwereconcerned,itwouldbejustapieceofmetal.IfItoldyouthatthisthingwouldproducelight,wouldyoubelieveme?Youwouldnot,butifIfloodedthisplacewithlight,itwouldbea‘miracle.’YouwouldprobablythinkthatIwasGodorhisson,oratleastamessenger.So,variousthingsthatpeoplearoundmetalkabout,thingsthathavehappenedtothem,it is just that theyareunabletofigureouthowtheyhappened. Existence is inmany different dimensions, not just the physical.Forthosewholiveandknowonlythephysical,everythingthatisbeyondthephysicalseemsmiraculous.“Theseso-calledmiraclescanhappeninmanyways.Whenyouwereborn,

your body was so little, and now it has become big. Pardonme!” he said,smiling, “I am not saying that you are big! So, this growth happened from

withinyou.Thisbodywascreatedfromwithin.Yougaveitthematerialintheformoffood.Thecreationprocesshappenedfromwithin.“Thatwhich is thebasisof creation, thecreator, iswithinyou.When the

manufacturer of this body is within you, if you have some repair job thatneedstobedone,shouldyougotothemanufacturerortothelocalmechanic?“Ihavejustintroducedyoutothemanufacturer,sodonotblamemeforthe

miracles. I always play down the miracles because I don't want people tocomehereformiracles.Iwantthemherewithgenuineseeking.“TheDhyanalingaiscreatedasanexternalmanifestationofthepeakform

of all inner energy. How it aids and contributes in the evolution ofconsciousnessisdifficulttoexplain.Itmaytakeseveralhundredyearsbeforeitstruevalueisrecognized.TherehavebeenmanyattemptsbyotheryogistocreateaDhyanalinga.ItissomethingthatwasknowninIndia,butitwaslostoverthecenturies.”Sadhguru became quiet in his other-worldly way, so it was some time

before I felt comfortable asking him to say more about this. The fire wasdyingdown,soIplacedafewmorelogsontheflames.Leelaseemedtohavedrifted intomeditation,assheoftendoeswhenSadhgurugoes intoacertainframeofbeing,asifnotwantingtomissasingleopportunitytoridethewaveofhisenergies.AfterawhileIventured,“Sadhguru,whatexactlyisalinga?BeforeImet

you,Ihadneverheardtheword.”“InSanskrit,”Sadhgurureplied,patientlyasalways,“lingaliterallymeans

theform.Anyformorsymbolcanbereferredtoasalinga.Itisasymbolofthe unbounded.The expression of religious and philosophical ideas throughsymbolshascomenaturallytopeoplesinceancienttimesinmanypartsoftheworld.The linga is an ellipsoid, or the first form. It is also true that if oneraises one's energies to their highest pitch before dissolution, the final formthatittakesonisalsoanellipsoid,orthelinga.EvenGalileospokeabouttheellipsoid aspect of the universe. When universes are formed, the ellipsoidshapeisthefirstformtaken.Alingacanbeanaturallyoccurringform,suchasarock,oritcanbeaformthatiscreated.Theshapeofthelingaallowsittofunction as a perennial storehouse of energy. Most lingas are energizedthroughthechantingofmantras.”Sadhguru's appearance completely changed when he spoke about this

energyform.Somehowheseemedtoexpand.Hisphysicalpresencebecamemountain-likeinstature;heseemedtospreadoutwithaspiritualradiancethat

wasageless,ancient,andtimeless.Lookingathim,IhadafeelingsimilartothatI'vehadgazingupathighmountainpeaks,soenormousandpowerfulyoufeeloverwhelmedandyouhave to stepback. It takesyourbreathaway.Heseems unapproachable at these times, and my strong instinct is to keep acertain distance. He is often like this during his advanced programs. MyfriendsandIhaveoftentalkedabouthowit'sasifhestepsoutofpersonalitymuch the way a person removes a coat. He becomes something enormous,unlikeanyotherhumanIhaveevermet.Inothersituations,he'smuchmoreapproachable. I think it is out of his kindness, not wanting us to beuncomfortable around him, that he keeps himself cloaked. Thiswas one ofthosetimeswhenhewasunmasked.TheDhyanalingawascreatedattheashraminIndiabySadhguru,andthere

aremanywild stories told by the people thatwere therewhen itwas beingcreated.(Theywereseeingandhearingallkindsofunbelievablethings.)Itisan energy form that is encased in an ellipsoid structure. The structure isenclosedbyabeautifuldomebuilding,whichcreatestheDhyanalingatemple.It is awonderful space to sit andmeditate. But, nomatterwhat I had readabout itorwhoIasked, itwasstill something that Icouldnotunderstand. IwantedtohearaboutitfromSadhguru.“What is the Dhyanalinga and how does it function? Is there a logical

explanation?”Iasked.“The Dhyanalinga is a tremendous tool for transformation. Generally,

peopleareunabletorecognizethefullpotentialandvalueofwhatit is.It isthe highest possible manifestation of the divine. It has all seven chakrasfunctioningfully.SittingattheDhyanalingaisthesameassittingwithaliveguru—without all the confusion. The consecration of a Dhyanalinga hasalways posed problems because the deliberate energizing of a form is acomplexanddifficultprocess.”BeforemyexperiencewiththeDhyanalingainIndia,Ialwaysthoughtthat

talkofenergyformswasjustnewagehocuspocusorsomeimaginedidea.Infact, if I heard about this from anyone other than Sadhguru, Iwould neverhavebelievedanythingabout it. Ididnot thinkenergy formsexisted.Once,whenI toldSadhguru that Ididn'tbelieve inenergy forms,he lookedatmewithwidenedeyesandasked,“Whynot?Youareone.”Now,basedonmyownexperiences,IknowthattheDhyanalingapossesses

a powerful energy.When I first sat in the Dhyanalinga, I absolutely lovedbeinginthatspace.Itissobeautifulthere,andsomehowdeep.But,Ididnotthinkmuchaboutitotherthanthatitwasawonderfulplacetomeditate.Only

after I was in there a few more times did something seem to happen. Itactually felt alive and palpable in there. I have never been particularlymeditative,soIwasstunnedwhenI lookedatmywatchandsawthathourshadpassed.OnlythendidIreallybegintowonderjustwhatitwasallabout.Iwas sure that I had only been there a few minutes. Suddenly, it was darkoutside. All that time had just disappeared. I still don't understand how itworks,but themoreIamaroundSadhguruandthemoresuchexperiencesIhave, themore I am convinced that he helps us to access a dimension thatmostofusdon'tevenknowexists,muchlesshaveaccessto.Thefirehadbeguntoweaken,andsoLeelagotupandthrewsomemore

wood on it. Sparks flew up and popped above the flames.When Leela satbackdown,IturnedtoSadhguru,whowaspeacefullygazingatthesky.“Sadhguru, will you tell us more of the story? You left off with Shiva

Yogi's enlightenment and his mission of the Dhyanalinga. What happenednext?”“Having received the grace of the great guru to be an instrument in

fulfillingtheguru'smonumentalmission,havingreceivedthisfiat,ShivaYogiimmediatelystartedendeavoringtoaccomplishthesame.But,asheplungedinto the preliminary steps of preparing his own system toward this goal, herealized that theappropriate time for thisDhyanalinga tohappenwasyet tobe.Hespentafewyearsdoingthenecessarypreliminaryworkandthenshedhis body so he could come at an appropriate time with a more youthfulphysicality.And thus,SadhguruShreeBhramhawasborn inTamilNadu inSouthIndia.“SadhguruShreeBhramha,havingrecognizedthattheguru,thelightofhis

life, had consciously shed his body on theWhite Mountains of Vellingiri,startedstrivingtoestablishandconsecratetheeternalformatthefoothillsofthosemountains.“SadhguruShreeBhramha,bornwiththesolepurposeofestablishingthis

eternal form,made himself a fiery person of immense intensity.As he sawthatanendeavorofthismagnitudecouldnotbeaccomplishedwithoutsocialsupport,hewentaboutestablishingseventyinstitutionsinthatstate,includingschools,orphanages,andashrams.“At thesame time,hestartedworkingona selectgroupofdiscipleswho

would be needed in consecrating the eternal form of theDhyanalinga. Thisesotericendeavorbroughtacertainamountofresistancefromafewpowerfulfamilies in the area, and it became increasingly difficult for Sadhguru tocontinue his work. As the resisting group of people started persecuting his

disciples, Sadhguru again realized that he was not yet going to be able tofulfillhisguru'swill.Sadhguruhadnotplannedtostayinhisbodyamomentlonger thanwasneededtoestablish theDhyanalinga;hehadplannedto liveforonly forty-twoyears.For thepurposeof theDhyanalinga,hehadsethislifeenergies ina fiery intensity thatwouldburn itselfout in that amountoftime.So,withthetimesetforhisdeparture,runningintosocialdifficultiesputhismonumentalendeavorintojeopardy.“Asthetimetickedaway,eventhoughSadhguruwasanaccomplishedyogi

ofenormouscapabilities,acertaindirectionlessangeraroseinhim.Itbecameapparentthathewouldagainbeleavingwithoutfulfillingthesacredmissionthatwasplaceduponhim.Withhisspiritonfirehewalkedlikeacannonballwithoutrestorrespite,followedbyonelonedisciple,morethansixhundredkilometers toward the Somashwar Temple at Kadapa in the state of AndraPradesh.Thisisthetemplewheretheguruhadspentacertainperiodoftime,soSadhguruwasseekingtogointothelapofhisMaster.“Hespentseveralmonthsthereputtingtogetheranelaborateplanofhowhe

andafewofhispeoplewouldcomebackforanotherlifetime.Thisplanningwenttotheextentofdecidingwhoshouldbebornwhereandinwhichwomb,andheplantedhispeopleinfamiliesthathadbeenthesourceofresistance.“When this elaborate, esoteric procedure was complete and in place, he

walkedbacktoCoimbatore.Afterhespentalittletimewithhisdisciples,forthelasttimehewentupthesacredmountainofVellingiri.Thiswasagrandtemple to him, as his guru had not only walked upon that magnificentmountainbuthealsochosetoshedhismortalcoilthere.Atthetimeofpartingfromhisdisciples,withadeterminedassurancehedeclared,‘Iwillbeback.’Hewentupthemountainandspentadayandahalfpreparinghissystemtocreate a rare phenomenon of leaving his body through all seven chakras,whichwas away of demonstrating that hewas fully qualified to create theeternalformandthattheunwantedpostponementwasonlyduetohisinabilitytohandletheunknowingsocialelementsaroundhim.“When Sadhguru returned again to create the eternal form, once he

remembered it, he was determined to construct himself in a socially savvyway,eventhoughhestillcarriedthesamefieryspiritandintensity.”NowSadhguruspokenomore,and—justasIhaddiscoveredaftervisiting

the Dhyanalinga for the first time—I became aware that many hours hadpassedsincewecametoourisland,althoughtheyhadseemedonlyminutes.Itwasas if the timehaddisappeared. Indeep silence,we loaded theboat andheadedforshelterasIponderedallthathadbeensaid.

CHAPTEREIGHT

OurLastNight:ADeeperUnderstanding

“Self-realizationisnotgiventoyoubytheguru.Hesimplyremovestheobstaclesthatarebeyondyourperception.”

—SadhguruThenextmorningwasmadetoorder,anexquisitedaywithcolorssovivid

and air so fresh, it felt as ifwewere in paradise.Even thoughour last feweveningshadbegunearlierandearlierandIunderstoodthatSadhguru'sfocusduring the day was elsewhere, I still wanted him to experience this placeoutsidewithusonthisgorgeousday.Fortunately,itwasasiffateknewhowmuchIwantedtoprolongwhatlittletimewehadleftwithhimandhelpedtomake that happen.Leela and I did get to have someof the guru's treasuredcompany in the daytime for a relished change, although this seemed moreimpromptuthanplanned.Early thatmorning,Sadhgurugot a call from India, and the caller said it

was important that they speak to him. To relay themessage, I went to hisroomandknockedlightlyonhisdoor.Ididnotwanttodisturbhim,butthedoor was cracked a little, so when he did not answer, I peaked in. Notsurprisingly,hewassittingcrossleggedontherough-hewn,NativeIndianrugI'dplacedonthehardwoodfloor.Helookedfullyabsorbedandoutofreach.Ifeltasifhewasnothereatall.Iquicklyandquietlyclosedthedoorandleft.Sadhguru came downstairs about an hour later and got involved on the

phoneandthentheInternet.Hehadalmosttwohundrede-mails.Talkaboutabusymystic!Sincewehadseensolittleofhiminthedaylighthours,Iaskedwhether he would like for me to arrange a golf game for him with myneighbor,whoIknewwasascratchgolfer.Hesaidyes.Iwashappyhewouldgettoenjoysomeoutsidefun.Ihatedtoseehimmissingallthesebalmydayswewerehaving,andIknewthatgolfwasoneofthemoreWesterncustomshewasbeginningtoenjoy.Infact,duringhislasttriptotheUnitedStatesafewmonthsearlierIsaw

himplayhis thirdgameofgolf.Heseemed to love it.Hewasgreatat it. If

anythingwasanadvertisementforyoga,watchingSadhgurumastergolfwas.Iheardacommentaryonceofsomegolf instructor tryingtoexplainhowheteaches people to get in “the zone” while playing golf. I have never seenSadhguru any other way but in the zone. I love watching him play gamessince it is such a contrast to how we see him during a program. He is soancient,mystical,andoftenotherworldlywhenyousitinfrontofhimthatthechildlikeexuberance,intensity,andathleticaccuracyhehaswhenheplaysagameisquiteasurprise.IfSadhgurutakesanythingseriously,itisgames.Hereallyplaystowin.Theguyshewasplayingwithforthatgameweresomebusinessmenwho

werealsoIshameditatorsandwhoknewthatSadhguruhadonlygolfedtwicebefore. They were pretty good golfers (or so they thought), and theyconsidered it theirduty to teachSadhguru thisAmericangame, to“help thegurulearntogolf.”Theoutcomeofthatdayofgolfwas,however,notwhattheyexpected.Despitehis radiant skin and flowingbeard, the splashSadhgurumadeon

thegolfcoursewasnotbecauseofhisappearance,buthiswayofplayinggolf.Sadhguruseemedtolikeonlyoneparticularclub,awoodwithalargestrikingface.Inadditiontotryingtotellhimhowtoholdtheclubandhowtobendhisknees,these“proudgolfers”wereexplainingtoSadhguruwhyheshoulduseavarietyofdifferentclubs.Sadhgurusaid,“Leavethattome.Justtellmewheretheballshouldgo.”Theseguys justweren'tgetting thehintandpersistentlykeptgivinghiminstructions.Theystoppedonlywhenhefinallysaid,“Can'tIjusthittheball?Iknowhowtowhackaball;justtellmewhereitshouldgo.”Atthispointhispartnersrelentedandgavehimtheclubhewanted,andhe

promptlyhittheball265yardsonthegreen.Everyone'smouthsfellopen,andLeelaandI triednot to laughtoo loudly.Fromthatpointon, the instructionstoppedandthecompetitionbegan.Thatday,withtheexceptionofacoupleofmulligans,Sadhguruendedwithascoreofthreeunderpar.Nooneonthegreen or later in the clubhouse had ever heard of such an outcome for anovice,especiallyonewithsuchanunconventionalwayofplayingthegame.Disappointingly,thegolfgamedidnothappenthisdayatthelakebecause

noonewasathomeatmyneighbor'shouse.Sadhguruwasfinewiththatandinsteadsaidhewaseagertotakethewaverunnersoutforaride.Ithoughthemighthavebeen.Iknewhisagendathisweekmusthavebeenveryimportanttohim,orhewouldalreadyhavebeenon thoseboats.Theboatswerenew,andwhenwepickedthemout,mysongotinvolvedandmadesureIgottheonesthatwouldgoveryfast.Tome,theyspedalonglikerockets.

Now that Sadhguru had chosen this activity, the three of us quicklychangedourclothesandtrompeddowntothedockequippedwithlifevests,keys,andtowels.Sadhguruhoppedonthewaterscooter,andasIwastellinghimwhat to do, he took off.By the timeLeela and I could untie the otherboat,Sadhguruwascompletelyoutofsight,goingatleastsixtymilesanhour.Wetookoffafterhimalthoughwemightaswellhavebeentrackingaghost!Wehadgreatfunontheboatsthatday,withLeelascreamingaswewentas

fastaswecouldstand.Thedaywasexquisite.Thesunwaswarmandtheskybrilliant. Splashing along the water, I couldn't imagine a more splendidafternoon.Whilewewereout on the lake,Sadhgurupointedout a differentislandforoureveningfiresidechat.AsmuchasIenjoyedthespectacularday,Istillcouldhardlywaitforthenight.Ilovedournights.After a few hours,we returned home. Sadhguru once againwent behind

closed doors, and Leela and I went back to the dock to hang out and talk.Earlierintheday,SadhguruhadmentionedadifferentvisithehadoncetakentotheAppalachianMountainsandhowbeautifulitwasinthisotherlocationalso.IaskedLeelaifsheknewwhereSadhguruhadbeenandshesaidhehadvisited a place called Center Hill Lake, which is a few hours drive fromNashville.Shesaiditwasquitepristineandsecludedthere,anareawhereyoucangofordayswithoutseeinganotherhumanface.Leelawentontosaythatitwas there thatSadhguruwrote thepoemcalled“America.” I rememberedthat stirring poem and I was curious about it. It is a haunting piece thattouchesontheterriblefateoftheNativeAmericanpeople,whoweredefeatedand shamed.When I askedLeela if she knewwhat the circumstanceswerethat inspired thepoem,shesaid thatbeforewriting it,Sadhguruhad takenawalk alone in the forest and when he returned, he seemed distant andunapproachable.“Ihaveknownhimforsomanyyears,but thisdayhewasdifferent,”she

said.“Whenhewalkedintothecottageafterhisabsenceofacoupleofhours,heseemedveryintense.Hewassooutoftimeandoutofplaceitwaslikehewasnotthereatall,buthewasalsosomuchthere.IknowIamnotmakingsense, but his image that day has stayed with me.” Later, she said, heexplainedwhathappenedduringhiswalkintheforest,butLeeladidnotwanttotellthestorytome,preferringthatIgetitfromSadhguru.The incident Leela related made me wonder again what life is like for

Sadhguru,whathecanseeandknowthatisoutofourexperience.IdecidedthatIwouldaskhimaboutthepoemthatnight.Ialsowantedtoaskhimaboutacuriousencounter IhadwithRamDass,whenI, too,hadseen thingsway

out of the ordinary. In part, my experience with Ram Dass was what alsomadeSadhguruseemsofamiliar tomewhenIfirstseteyesonhimandfeltthat pull in my spine. Now, after our talk about chakras and kundalini, IwantedtosortoutwhathadhappenedduringthatexceptionaltimeIhadwithRamDass. Inpart, Iwasseeingsomeexplanationsfor thedifferentways inwhichwecanexperiencelifeandotherdimensions.

Assoonaswesettledinbythefirethatnight,IaskedSadhguruifitwouldbe okay forme to get his insight into something that had happened tome.EvenasIsaidthat,Iwasuncomfortablebringingupapersonalquestion,butIpersistedbecausethiswasanexperienceIhadcarriedaroundinsideforalongtime.AsIknewhewould,Sadhgurumadeitclearthatitwasokaytoask.So,Isattherementallyphrasingmyquestion,awareofthewarmfireand

thefrogsymphonyand theowlscallingaroundus.The thingwas Iwasnotsure I could even describe what happened. When I was still quite young,twenty-twotobeexact,Ihadmanyburningquestions.Bythistime,Ihadreadmuch about yoga, enlightenment, andEastern religions, and I had had bothpsychedelic experiences and some unusual experiences during meditation.BecauseofwhatIhadreadandexperienced,IwasconvincedthatsomehowtherewasmuchmoretousthanthephysicalandthatGodisnotsomekindlygrandfatheroffinsomeremoteplace.Iknewthatsciencesaysthatallmatteriscontainedenergy,thateverything

physicalcanbereduced toenergyand thatenergycannotbedestroyed.Themore esotericmy studiesbecame, themore I seemed tobe reading inmorethanoneplacethatthereisonlyoneGodandthatGodhastakentheformofthemanyandthatunderneathallusisGod,andwejustdidnotknowit.Mymindwasconstantlygrapplingwiththat.So, theburningquestionIhadwhenImetwithRamDasswas,Howcan

we possibly all be one when I feel and experience life so separately? Yet,somehowIknewthateverythingwasconnected.IhadheardlifedescribedasMaya,orillusion.Thatalwaysmademeangry.Itseemedsocoldandcallous.Life seemed toobrutal tobepassedoff as somemeremovie, so to speak. Ithought itwaswaytoopainful tobecalledunreal,butIalsowasconstantlyawareof the transitorynatureof things.So,what is real? Iwondered.What

doesn't die?God?Was there something real that Iwas and could somehowknow?Well,allthisturmoilwaswithmewhenIsatdownwithRamDass.Atthat

time, he had not been back from India for very long. He was quitemagnificent.Hehadspentalotoftimewithhisguru,NeemKaroliBaba,andhaddonealotofspiritualwork.SomeofmyfriendshadmovedtoNewYorkCity to bewith him, and they called to tellme that hewas going to be inAtlantaandthatIshouldgotalktohim.Iwasalittlereservedinthosedays,but somethingpropelledme toapproachhimafter the talkhegave inStoneMountain,whichispartofmetropolitanAtlanta.WhenIaskedRamDass ifhewouldhaveany time tomeetwithme,he lookedupat theceilinga fewminutes and said, “Yes, okay.Come to theStoneMountain Inn tomorrow.”Hegavemethetime,place,androomnumber.ThenextdayIwastherewithbellson.Iknockedonthedoor,andRamDasstoldmetocomein.WhenIopened

thedoor,hewassittingcrossleggedonthemotelbed.Iaskedhimifhewastakingabreak,andhesaid,“Itisallabreak.”Ithoughtthatmustbeveryniceforhimsince,forme,lifeseemedtobesomewhatofastruggle.Anyway,hetoldme to come in andpull up a chair. I sat directly opposite him, andwestartedtalking.HeaskedwhyIwantedtomeetwithhim,andItoldhimthatitwasdifficulttoputintowordsbutthatsomehowIknewthatIwasboundandIwantedliberation.Ibelievedamuchbiggerexperienceoflifethanthiswaspossible forahumanbeing.Aswe talked,hebegan tellingme thingsaboutmyselfasifhehadaninsideview.Hetoldmealotofverypersonal,specific,insightfulthings.Then something very strange happened. While we were sitting there

talking,RamDassno longer looked likeRamDass.AsIsat therewatchinghim, he started to look completely different. Everything about the way helooked changed. His eyes, his face, his hair all kept changing. He took onmanydifferent forms,which looked like theembodimentofancientwisdomand grace,which I perceived asmanifestations ofmany variousmasters. Itlooked as ifwith every breath hewas changing into a different enlightenedbeing. His physical form actually changed. After some time, he asked mewhatwashappeningwithme,andIcanonlyimaginethatImusthavehadafunny expressiononmy face. I said that nothingwashappening; Iwas justwatchinghisformchange.Hesaid,“Doesthatfreakyouout?”Isaid,“No;Ican'tbelievethis,yetsomehowitseemsmorerealthananythingelsethathaseverhappenedtome.”Notonlyisitstrangetowatchsomeone'sformchange

andevendisappear,butit'sevenstrangertofindthissofamiliarandnormal.Itwasas thoughwhatIrefer toasmyselfwasalsothesameselfsittingin thechairacrossfromme.Iwasinapresencethatfeltlikehome,thatfeltlikeme.Thisexperiencemademerealizethatourformsaresotransient.Iunderstoodthat our individual identities were transitory and that there was somethingabsolutelystablewithin,whichIlongedtouncover.Theexperiencewaspowerful.Itshowedmethatweallhavethesameinner

self,whichisjustcoveredbyourdifferentpersonalitiesandwhoknowswhatelse. After the meeting, I was elated. I thought that now I would have nodifficultyuncoveringwhatwastrulyme.Of course, I did not feel comfortable telling many people about that

experience. Most people would think I was simply a nutcase. One of myfriendsIdidmentionittosaiditmusthavebeenanLSDflashback,butIhadneverhadevenonedrugflashbackbeforethat,andI'vehadnonesince,soIknewthatwasnotwhat itwas.ANewAgepersonthatIknewtoldmethatmythirdeyechakrahadopened,butIwascluelessaboutwhathadhappened.IonlyknewthatIwasdeeplystruckbytheexperienceandmorethanever,Iwantedmore.Later, I visitedRamDass at his home inNorthernCaliforniaandaskedhimifhewasmyguru.Hesaidno,hewasnotaguru.Hesaidthatsometimes, when someone's seeking is intense, things happen through him.HesaidthatwhenImetmyrealguru,Iwouldknowit.Ithoughtmyspiritualjourneywasoffandrunningandthatbigthingsweregoingtohappentome.Allthathappenedmorethanthirtyyearsago.So, as we sat before the fire on our island that August evening, I told

SadhgurumyRamDassstory.“WhenIsawyouforthefirsttime,”IsaidtoSadhguru,“youseemedtobethesamebeingorthesameessenceIhadseensolongagowithRamDass.ItwasallsofamiliarandallIcouldthinkwas,uh-oh. I knew this gigwas about to be up forme.What is real had finallyshownbackup.”Sadhguruthenstartedtoexplainwhathappened.“RamDass,asyouknow,

wenttoNeemKaroliBaba,”hesaid.“NeemKaroliBabawasaphenomenalbeing of immense capabilities.Hewas amystic, onewho did not have theburdenofeducation.Ihavetotalktoyouinyourlanguageandsaythingsthatyoucanunderstandaccordingtoyoursensibilities.“Yousee,Cheryl,howcarefullyIamgoingaroundwithyou?NeemKaroli

Baba doesn't have to bother with all that. That is the freedom of beinguneducated. So, out of his love for Ram Dass, or out of Ram Dass's ownsincerityandwillingnesstoreceive,acertaindimensiondefinitelydescended

uponhim.“Idon'tknowwhetherRamDasssaidthisonlytoyouatacertainmoment

orifhesaidittoeverybody,butintheverynatureofthings,RamDasscannotbe your guru. However, he can be a good window to show you anotherdimensionoflife,whichisexactlywhathedid.BecauseRamDassisnotRamDassoutofhisowncapabilities,RamDass isnotRamDassoutofhisownsadhana. Ram Dass has become Ram Dass because in his life he did onesensible thing: He sat with a man like Neem Karoli Baba. He had thenecessarysensetojustsittherewithhim,andheimbibedacertainaspectofthatbeing.NeemKaroliBabawantedmanywindowstoopen,sohecreatedonewindowandsentittoAmerica.”Sadhguru then asked if Iwas familiarwithMicrosoftWindows. “I think

youareusingXP.Youknowthat?So,thisislikethat.Thisisacertainkindofsoftware,awindow.HeopenedawindowandsentittoAmericasothatyoucould see something. If you sat with him with a certain intensity andinvolvement,youwouldseethings,butthewindowitselfmaynotseeit.”Iwonderedabout thatbecause Ihad later readwhereRamDasssaid that

sometimesheisn'teventhereinmeetingswithpeople.“Windowsneversee,”Sadhgurusaid.“Ourteachersarewindows.Theyare

capable ofmaking people experience and see thingsway beyond their owncapabilities.Windowsonlyshow.Now, theyarenot thereas teachers.Theyarejustthereaswindowstoshowpeoplesomethingtheymaynothaveseen.This is also the experience of many teachers. The Isha Yoga and InnerEngineeringprogramshavebecomesuchpowerfulmediumsofexperienceastheteachersareputthroughagruelingtrainingprocessand,aboveall,averyintense sadhana, many of them for five to eight years. They learn to keepthemselves aside. They just have to learn to be there in a certain state ofabsence; the rest will happen well beyond their own understanding andcapabilities. They find that in their classes, many people are experiencingthingsthattheythemselvesmaynothaveseen.Theyarelongingtoexperiencethose things. It may not have happened to them, but through them it ishappeningtosomanypeoplebecausethroughthewindowyoucangraspthebeauty of the Himalayas, but the window itself may not have grasped thebeautyoftheHimalayas.“So,RamDassisagoodwindow,notmuddledwithmuck;aclean,glass

window. It is good. It shows you many things and it is wonderful. It iswonderfulofRamDassthatheadmitstoyouthatheisnotyourguru.Heisjust a window. It is so wonderful. His humility is wonderful becausemost

peopleinhispositionwouldimmediatelyclaimthat,beingawindow,theyarethemselves the Himalayas. Ram Dass is a wonderful window because heknowshislimitations.Heknowsthebeautyofwhoheisandatthesametimehe knows the limitation ofwho he is. It is a beautiful thingwhen a humanbeingknowshisorherownlimitations,whenahumanbeingisstraightwiththemselves.“Iamnottalkingaboutlimitationsyouhavesetforyourselfasamatterof

convenience.Iamtalkingaboutthelimitationsthatexistencehasputonyou,whicharenotconvenient.Whenyouadmityourlimitations,itbringscertainhumility inyou. Itputsyouwhereyoubelong. It isvery important thatyouare alwayswhere youbelongbecausewhatever you imagine about yourselfwillnottakeyouanywhere.”Then Sadhguru said, “Can I tell you a joke?You are talking about such

seriousthingsasaSwamichangingforms,soIdon'tknowifyouareupforajoke.”“Yes,”Isaid,“Iamalwaysupforajoke.”Iwasjusthappyhedidn'tthinkI

had been hallucinating. He took what I said seriously and helped me tounderstandwhathappened.Sadhguru cheerfully began to tell us his joke. He likes jokes almost as

muchashelikesplayinggames.“One day a pheasant and a bull were grazing in the field. The bull was

grazing; thepheasantwaspickingout the ticksoff thebull'sbody.Theyareused to each other, so it's going on as usual. Then the pheasant becamenostalgic and said, ‘When I was young, I could fly and sit on the topmostbranchofthebigtreeoutthere,butnowIcan'tevengettothefirstbranch.’Thebullsaidnonchalantly,‘Oh!What's theproblem?Justeatmydroppingsand itwill giveyou all thenourishment that youneed to go to the topmostbranch.’ The pheasant said, ‘Really? You mean just eating your droppingswill get me to the top of the tree?’ ‘Yes, try and see!’ he replied. So thepheasanthesitantlyate somedroppings, and thatverydayhe flewup to thefirstbranch!Everydayheatemoreandmoredroppings.Inaboutafortnight'stime, he reached the topmost branch. He sat there. The pheasant was sothrilled, having eaten the droppings and being able to sit on the topmostbranchlikewhenhewasyoung.Nowwhenthefarmer,whowassittingonhisbalcony,sawthisfatpheasantsittingonthetopmostbranchofthetree,hejustcouldnotignorehim.Thefarmerpulledouthisshotgunandshotthepheasantoffthetree!Themoralofthestoryis:Bullshitmaygetyoutothetop,butitwillneverletyoustaythere.”

Afterwealllaughed,Sadhgurugotseriousagainandcontinuedexplaining.“So,whatever you think about yourself is irrelevant,” he said. “Youmay

tell yourself all kinds of stories about yourself.Youmay think all kinds offancy things about yourself, but it has nothing to do with the existentialreality. Your ideas and thoughts may have some social relevance, but therelevanceendsthere.Thewayexistenceholdsyou—Iwantyoutounderstand—the very way you are existing right now, is perceived by life, and thelifemakingmaterialyoucallGodperceivesyouexactlyasyouarerightnow.Theveryspace in theexistenceperceivesyouexactlyasyouare rightnow,notthewayyouwishyouwere,notthewayyouaredressed,notthewayyoulook,notthewayyouspeak,notthewayyoutellyourselfyouare,andnottheway the world thinks about you. But, just the way you actually are isconstantlyperceivedbytheexistence.“Youcandeceiveyourself,youcandeceiveyoursociety,youcandeceive

theworld around you, and you can deceive your friends, but this existencecannot be deceived. To try to deceive existence is to make a fool out ofyourself. Everything you are is constantly perceived. You cannot get awaywith pretending anything.All deceptions are the product of themind.Yourfundamental existence is not of the mind. One way of describing what isspiritual is that it isbeyondtheprocessof themind.Rightnow,all thatyouperceivethroughyoursenseperceptionsgoesthroughtheprocessofthemind.Mind is make-believe. It is in this context that it is said that everything isMaya,orillusion.”AsoftenhappenswhilelisteningtoSadhguruansweraquestionI'veasked,

I fell into a deep stillness. I began to resonatewith his answer, realizing itshed some light on a change that had taken place after the experiencewithRamDass(theexperienceIspokewithhimaboutearlier).SittingwithRamDass,IreallygottheunderstandingthatGodisyourself, thesameinnerselfthat is alwaysobservingmy life, that is in everyoneandeverything.Weallhave the same inner self.We have different personalities and egos, but ourinner selves are the same.When that self spoke tome throughRamDass Ialso felt totally bathed in love—and the love strippedmeof all pretenses. Icametotherealizationthatifthereisn'tanythingaboutmethat'snotknown,and I'm loved regardless, thenwhat's there tohide? Itwas a very liberatingthing, like all is forgiven because you're loved anyway.You are free to beyourself.Thinking aboutSadhguru'swords, Iwas remindedof something else that

happenedduringthetrekIwentonwithhimandagroupofmeditatorsinthe

Himalayasacoupleofyearsago.Themostdifficultpartofthetrekwasataplace called Tapovan, which is at 14,600 feet above sea level and partlytraversesa solid sheetofglacier.Therewasawoman therewithadauntingpresence; remarkably, shehadonaperfectlypressed sari, the sortof Indiandressawomanwouldwearinacity.Thesari'sperfectionlookedoutofplace,tosaytheleast,ontopofanicymountain.Thewomanwasverykind,warm,andhospitable.WeweretoldthatsheisknownasBengaliMa,whichmeansshe is from Bengal in India. Ma means a motherly figure. She lives in adwellingofwhichpart isanaturalcave.Itseemsthatmanypeoplevisitherthere on themountain, and she iswell known in that area and revered as amystic.Someofthemeditatorsfromourgroupwenttoseeheratherdwellingand

offered their respects.Sheaskedwhere theyhadcomefrom; theyexplainedthattheywerefromSouthIndiaandwerewiththeirguru,Sadhguru.Thensheinquired,“WhoisSadhguru?”Oneofthemeditatorsshowedherhispicture,and she studied it for a while before saying, “He is not here anymore! Hefinishedhisworkandleftlongago.Heisnolongerhere.”Thistotallyunnervedthepeopleinourgroup.Infact,somethingabouther

had already shaken them. There was something so powerful about herpresence that two from our group burst into tears as soon as they firstapproachedher.WhentheyinsistedthatSadhguruhadcomeherewithus,shejustsmiledandagainsaid,“No.Hehasleftlongago.”I asked Sadhguru about this incident. I was curious to know what the

womanmighthaveseenbylookingatSadhguru'spicture.She,too,seemedtohaveatotallydifferentlevelofperceptionfromordinarypeople.Sadhguruagain laughedand said, “See, somepeople cannotbedeceived.

AllthisdeceptionIcreated,Ideceivedallyou.NowsomeonegoestoBengaliMa,andshesays,‘Heshouldnotbehere.’Shesaidthisbecauseonlylifeinacertainlevelofvibrancyandkarmicappendagesisaccountedbytheexistenceas life. I am not an account. That is what shemeant. As you know, I wasprogrammedtoleaveimmediatelyaftertheconsecrationoftheDhyanalinga,whichwasfinallycomingtofruitionafterthreelifetimesofintenseeffort.Inmanyways,Iasanindividuallife,wasabsorbedbytheexistence,butbytyingmyselfinitiallytoavarietyoflifearoundmeandlatertomorespecificlife,Ihavecontinuedanapparitionlikeexistence—but,see,Iamfor‘real,’Cheryl!“All thismay sound too far-fetchedanddifficult tobelieve,butnowyou

mustseethatwhatthemodernscientistsaretalkingaboutisasmuchbeyondlogic as mysticism is. Do you know that they are talking about eleven

differentparallelexistences righthereasyouand I siton this island? In theyogicsystems,wehavebeentalkingabouttwenty-onedifferentdimensionsofexistence.So,thisBengaliMasaidthisnotbecausesheknowsanything,butsimplybecausesheisjustexistence.Sheisnotawoman,sheisnotaman,sheisnotasaint,andsheisnotasageoragod.Sheissimplyexistence,soshehasacertainunclutteredperception. I feelquitesilly that thiswoman in theHimalayasisabletoseethroughallthis.“Ifyoukeepyourwindowclear,yousimplysee things theway theyare.

Sheisnotthelowestorthehighest.Shesimplyis,andthisismostimportant.Highandlowisallmadeup;theseideashavenothingtodowithreality.Yoursenseofhighandlow,goodandbad,virtueandsin,Godandthedevil,areallyourowncreationandyourownprojections.Theseprojectionshavenothingtodowithreality.Realityisjustthis.Howyouarewiththisisallthereis.”Sadhguru continued, “Ram Dass may not know it, but he is a clean

window.Youcouldusehim to seemany things,but stillhecannotbeyourgurusimplybecausehehasnomethods.Ifyouhavespentsufficienttimewithhim—I don't know howmuch time you have spentwith him—probably hewillgoon talkingabout the same thing.Nothinghappens. Ifyou simply sitwithhim, somethingcanhappen.But,nothingcanhappenasa resultofhisteachingsbecauseheisnotequippedtobeaguru.Heisacleanwindow.Heisameansforaclearview.“Youmustjustlookthroughthewindow.Youmustnotcarrythewindow

with you.You don't have to carry thewindowwith you for it to showyouthings.Acleanwindowshowsyouthings.That'sall there is to it.Now,thiscoulddomanythingsforyou,butstilltheseglimpsesareonlytoinspireyou.Aglimpse in itselfdoesnotgetyouanywhere.Aglimpse in itselfdoesnottransform you. You saw other masters, or whatever you saw, and it onlyinspiresyoutoseek.Itisnotadestination,anditiswonderfulofRamDasstoremindyou that he is not the destination for you.There aremanywindowslikethis,particularlyinIndia.Many,manywindowslikethis.”“Sadhguru,howisagurudifferentfromawindow?”Iasked.“Generally,aguruwillnotgiveyouglimpsesofthesortthatyouaretelling

me about unless he sees a particular need to break through a specificlimitationinaperson.Instead,hewillgiveyoumethodsthatwillslowlywearoutyourlimitednature.Thesemethodswillhelpyouevolveoutofwhereyouarerightnow.Becauseglimpsesarejustexuberantexperiences, theyarenotof much use to you. You may like them, but often they can fuel yourimaginationorevenleadyoutohallucinatorystates.Yousee,thereisalways

the danger of the mind distorting everything as per your needs andrequirements,causingfurtherlimitations.Thisdangerisconstantlylurking.“Probably you will understand it better this way. A guru is like a

technologist or a mechanic who will give you the necessary tools andguidanceastohowtofixyourexistingfacultiessoyoucanbecomeavehicleforyourultimateblossoming.This isasubjective technology thatcannotbegraspedobjectively,henceallthemystery.”Isaid,“Butitisstillmysterious.Howisitthatyoucanseewhatweneed?I

have not been inspired for years. Though I have done a fair amount ofspiritualpractices,Ineverfelttheytookmeanywhere.”He said, “Cheryl, is it really that difficult to believe that someone could

haveadifferentlevelofperception?Evenyourdogscanperceivethingsyoucannotperceive. If Iclosemyeyesandsithereandsomeonewalks into theroom,evenwithmyeyesclosedIcantellyouwhatkindofpersonwalkedin.Evenyourdogscandothat.Takethistreerighthereforexample.Youseethistree, how it's being blocked by the branches of this bigger tree? It's veryobvioustoallusthatifwewantthesmallertreetogrow,thenwehavetocutoff thesebranches thatareblocking it. It's just in thatcontext that Icanseewhatneedstohappenforaperson.“Manyteachershavetaughtyouproperyogawithcorrectmethods,butthe

subjective dimension was not there. Even though some things happened, asteadyprocess towardyour spiritualwellbeingdidnothappen.The teacherscame from good stables, so the methods were correct, but the subjectivedimensionwasmissing.We in the yogic culture treat a spiritual process oryogicmethodasalivedeity.Thisisbecauseamethoditselfmaycreatesomephysicalbenefitsandmentalstability,butitwillnottakeyoubeyondthat.Theone who transmits it should be able to infuse life into it. For the deepdimensions to open within you, it must be infused with life. I mentionedPatanjalitoyouearlier.Patanjaliisthefatherofyogaandtheyogasutras.Theword sutra, when assimilated by him, means a thread that gives a realizedbeing the freedomtomakeagarlandoutof it.Although,without the threadthereisnogarland;youdonotwearagarlandforitsthread.“Depending upon a certain master's accomplishment, he adds flowers or

beads or diamonds to the sutra using this basic thread. If you justwear thethread,itisnotofanygreatconsequence.Itisjustwastedinignorance.Thereasonwewanttodissolvethewayyouarerightnowissoyoudon'tgetinthewayofthetransmissionthatiswellbeyondyou.“Cheryl, ifyou lack inspiration, someoneor somethingcan inspireyou—

butthepurposeoftheinspirationendsthere.Ifyouwantinformation,youcangetinformation,butknowingwillneverhappentoyou.Youmustunderstandthat life exists in many different dimensions. When we are in a certaindimension of experience, another dimension, whatever it may be, is not arealityforus.Forexample,foryouwhenthesuncomesupinthemorning,itis light.When the sun goes down in the evening, there is darkness. This isrealityforyou.Therearemanyanimals—letussaytheowl—forhim,if thesuncomesupinthemorning,thereisdarkness.Whenthesungoesdownintheevening,itislight.“Ifyouandthisowlsittogetherandstartarguingaboutwhichislightand

which is darkness, you will not get anywhere. You know it will get younowherebecauseyourperceptionisintwodifferentdimensions.Thesensoryinstrumentsofperceptiononlycatertoyoursurvival.Itisapoorwaytoliveifyoucannotseethatlifeishappeninginmanyotherwaysbesidesthewayyouknowit.Thatwillnottakeyouanywhere.So,whenwearetalkingaboutyogabeyondthephysicalandmentalwellbeing,wearetalkingaboutbreakingthelimitationsofthisdimensionandmovingintoatotallydifferentdimensionoflife: from the physical world to another existence by itself. This otherexistenceisnotsomewhereelse,butitisnotavailabletoapersonwhenheistotallyrootedinhisphysicalnature.“Ifyouwant to seekanotherdimension, it isalwaysbest thatyouhavea

person who is already in that other dimension. Otherwise, it looks like anendless journey. There are a few peoplewho arewilling to set sail into anopenocean,notknowingwheretheyaregoing.Theysimplygo,andsomedaytheymayfindsomething.Afewmayfindsomething.Somewilljustdie,butafewwillgetacross.Now,todayyouknowthattheworldisround,andifyougothisamountofdistance,eventuallyyouwillhitland.Supposeyoudidnotknowall this.Youtakeoneboatandyougooff into theocean.Yousimplykeepgoing.Thattakesacertainkindofperson.Noteveryonecandoit.Noteveryonecanmakethisjourney.Youhavetobewillingtothrowyourlifeintoit.“So,ifyouwishtowalkintoadimensionthatisnotinyourpresentlevelof

experienceandunderstanding,thereareafewwaysinwhichyoucanenterit.Oneway is that I give you the roadmap andyou find your ownway. It isentirely up to you. So, when you are trying to go into a dimension that isbeyondyourexperienceandunderstanding,aroadmapisgoodbutyouknowthatevenwitharoadmapyoucanbelostallthetime.AnotherwayisthatIputonmy taillightsandsay, ‘Just followme.’Nowyou try tokeepupata

certain pace. Suddenly the fog comes and you can't see the taillights, andsuddenly you think you have been ditched. Then you see a glimmer of thetaillightsandyouthink,‘Oh,it'sstillokay.’Thiskeepshappening.Youkeepgetting lost and question if you are being ditched. There may be ten carsbetweenyouandmeandagainyouthink,‘Oh,heleftme.’Thatishowmostpeoplearefollowing.Anotherwayyoucangetthereisyoujustsitonmybus.Onceyougetonmybus,evenifyoudozeoff,itdoesnotmatter.Youwillgettothedestination,butyoucannotdothedriving.So,thesearethethreeways.Iamgameforanyofthem.Ifyouareanadventurouskind,usetheroadmap.Ifyoudonotnecessarilywantadventure,butyouwanttoactbrave,thenwewill keep the taillights on.Most peoplewho claim to be adventurous avoidadventure every chance they get. Just look carefully.Or, if you are tired ofgettinglosthereandyoudon'thaveanythingtoprovetoyourselforanybodyelse,youjustgetonthebusandplonkyourselfdown.Itwillgowhereithastogo.Youchoose.Whicheverwayisfinewithme.Ifyouhavelotsoftime,thenplayaroundwiththeroadmap.Ifyouareinahurrythenjusthoponthebus.“Now,thisisneithereasynordifficult.Itisjustsimple.Itissosimplethat

yourmind—which isbeingpulledandpushedbysomany factors,which isfunctioning within the limitations that you have gathered, where you havemadeyourlimitationsgoldplated—isjustgettingconfused.Ifyoustopgoldplating your limitations, if you stop seeing your shackles as ornaments thatyouwear and are proud of, then it is very simple and you are on fulltime.Please see howmany deceptiveways you seek support for your limitationsfrom the people around you. You want approval for your limitations. Youwantthesehindrancestobethoughtofasallright.”Iwastakenabackbythis.Ofcourse,hewasright.IlookedoveratLeela,

who was smiling at me. The light from the fire danced across her face. Ileanedbackagainsta treeand thoughtofall the limitations Ihadplacedonmyself over the years.Why we do that to ourselves, I wondered. The firecrackledanddrewmyattentionbacktoSadhguru.Hiseyeswereasdeepastwowells.Ithoughtabouthowinterestingitisthatweunconsciouslyfixouridentity.

Ihadnotrealizedhowweourselveslimitouridentitieswheneverwesay,“I'mthiswayorI'mthatway;thisisthekindofpersonIam.”Therewasalotoftalkaroundabouthavingnoboundaries,and Ididn'tknowwhat thatmeant.ButnowIunderstoodbetterwhatpeoplemeantandrealizedthat,ifanything,for a long time I hadbeenmakingmyboundaries smaller.Prior tomeeting

Sadhguru, I can see thatwhat Iwas comfortablewithwas shrinking: I hadgottenmoreparticularaboutwhatIlikedanddidn'tlike,andquickertojudgeif I thought something wasn't measuring up. For instance, if a place didn'thaveairconditioning,youcoulddefinitelycountmeout.Togoforawalk,ithad to be seventy degrees and sunny. I was accepting all this as normal. IknowIhadacceptedmanyofmylimitationsasnormal.Thisisdefinitelynottrue anymore.Now, there are somany things I'm less likely to avoid.And,evenifIdohaveresistanceatthetime,afterwards,I'malwaysgladIdidit.ThisbroughtupanotherquestionIwantedSadhgurutoanswer,soIasked,

“Sadhguru,manypeopleIknowthinkthattheyarefinejustthewaytheyare.Infact,someeventakeittothepoint,inthiscountry,ofthinkingthateithertheyhaveeverythingallfiguredoutorthey‘havearrived’ormadeit.Iftheythinktheyarealreadythere,howisanytransformationpossible?”“The problem is, Cheryl, that whatever you polishwill shine. This is so

withignorance,too.Iseethistrendtodayintheworld,especiallyintheWest,thatinsteadofadmittingwhatyoudonotknow,peopleareassumingrealitiesthatarenotyetintheirexperience.Knowingexistentialrealitiesintellectuallydoesnotmeananything.TherewasatimewhenpeoplebelievedGodwasupthere.Now there aremanypeople going about saying ‘God is everywhere.’Therearesomewhosay,‘Godiswithinme.’Inaway,allthesestatementsareequally flaky. Sometimes people, through various means, have had certainelevatingexperiences.Thistheyareevencallingenlightenment.Youcanhaveelevatingexperiencesbydoingalmostanythingwithcertainintensity.Thisislike you are on this side of the wall and you got on your trampoline andjumpedhardandyougottoglimpsewhatisontheothersideofthewall.Justhavingaglimpseofwhatisbeyondisnotit.Findingwaystocrossthewallistheultimategoalofthespiritualprocess.“Rightnowthesituationisthatifsomeonehasnoneedforantidepressants,

hethinkshehasarrived.Alittlebitofpeaceandwellbeingisnottheultimategoal.The ultimate is not aboutwellbeing at all, but you cannot approach itunlessyouaresittingonthestablegroundofwellbeing.Justhavingphysicalwellbeingislikemakingajourneyinastationarycar.“Ifyoujustsitintheparkinglotinyourdreamcar,morningbecomesnoon,

noonbecomesevening,eveningbecomesnight,andnightbecomesdayagain.Seasonswillchange,flowerswillbloom,andleaveswillfall.Youcansitrightthereandbelievethatyouaregoingsomewherebecausethesceneryhasbeenchanging.Toknowwellbeing,youdon'tneedanyspiritualprocess.Keepingyourselfwellexercised,readingagoodbook,maintaininggoodrelationships,

and maybe playing golf should take care of your wellbeing. The spiritualprocessbecomesrelevanttoyouonlywhenyourealizethat,thoughphysicalandmentalwellbeingsettlesmanythingsinyourlife,itisonlyaplatformtofulfill thedeeper longingswithinyou.There issomethingwithinyou that isconstantly longing for boundless expansion. When you start a spiritualprocess,physicalandmentalwellbeinghappennaturally.Itismoreofasidebenefit,notthepurpose.So,whenthislittlebenefithappenstopeople,alotofthemliketoassumetheyhavearrived.”Iagain foundmyself slipping into silence.Theothereveningsduringour

weekwerefilledwithmanyperiodsofsilence,butsinceIwasrunningoutoftime and still had lots more questions, I wanted to ask Sadhguru aboutsomethingelsethatwaseatingatme.Ihadarecentexperienceofhimmakinga reference to something aboutmy past that hewould have had noway ofknowing anything about. I was eager to get to the bottom of how he hadknownthatparticularthingsinceIhadnotmentionedittohimoranyoneelse.I said,“So,Sadhguru,youseemtobeable toseewhat isgoingonwithus,and you are always teasing us that now that we havemade themistake ofsittinginfrontofyou,wenolongerhaveanysecrets.Butcanyouactuallyseeourpastorwhatisgoingonwithus?”Iasked.Sadhgurusaid,“IfIcouldn't,Icouldnotdothiskindofwork.”“But what does that really mean?” I asked, still probing for some

understanding.Sadhguruslowlyexplained,“ThefirstthingIdowhenIseeapersonisbow

down.Itouchtheirinnermostcoreandrecognizethemasanembodimentofthedivine.Thatiswhythebowingdown.Next,Iseetheheapofimpressionsthat one has gathered. I see all the karmic structure and the resultanttendencies. With some people, there are very strong impressions of pastevents.Thoughtheyareofthepast,theyhavebecomealivingrealitywithinthem, and of course then there is the clear possibility of where thesetendenciesmaytakethatpersonifhecontinueshislifewithinthecompulsionsofthesetendencies.YoumentionedbeforethatyounoticedIoftenansweradifferent question than that which is asked. Someone may ask a wrongquestion,butImustgivethemarightanswer.Sometimeswhensomeoneasksone typeofquestion, Iwill start talking about a completelydifferent aspectbecauseIdon'tlistentotheirwords;Ilistentothemasindividuals.Ilistentothemasreverberationsoftheiraccumulatedimpressionsor,shallIsay,rightnowIseeyouasjustanaccumulationofyourkarma.So,itistruethatonceyou have made the mistake of sitting with me, there is no such thing as

privacy inyour life.When there is love, there isnoneedforprivacy.Thosewhom you truly love you always take into your private spaces. As I haveenvelopedallbeingsinabsolutelove,Idon'tallowthemanyprivacy.”Sadhguru started laughing uproariously and then got up, walked to the

shoreline,anddove into thewater foran impromptuswim.Asweheard thewater splash,Leelaand Imadeeyecontact. I'msurewewereboth thinkingthesamething:Wedon'thaveanytowelsordryclothesforhim.Youreallyhavetobepreparedforanythingaroundhim!Muchlater,afterwefinishedoffabagofchipsandsalsa,Irememberedto

askSadhguruabouttheAmericapoem.Not surprisingly,Sadhguruwasquiet for a timebeforehe said, “The last

timeIwasatCenterHillLake, ImetaNativeAmericanman there.That iswhyIwrotethepoem.”“Whydidmeetingthatmaninspireyoutowritethatpoem?”Iasked.Sadhguru astonished me by saying, “The man I met had been standing

perfectlystillinthesamespotforthelastthreehundredyears.”“Threehundredyears,Sadhguru?”IaskedSadhgurusaid,“YouknowhowtheNativeAmericanIndiansareportrayed

asveryproudandalwaysfit,strongpeople.Theyknewfighting.Theyweregoodwarriors,hadgreatpride in theirculture, andwereverystraight.Theywouldfightabattlewithyou todayand tomorrow, ifyouasmuchascalledhim a brother, they would be just fine. That is how they were. For them,killinganddying inabattlewasanhonor.Theyneverknewthatsomebodycould come and own the land, take it away. They just did not understand.Theysawtheearthasaliveforcethatsustainedthem.ThisisoneofthefewculturesintheworldthatdidnotlookupwhenyousaidGod.Theylookedtotheearthastheforcethatcreatedandnurturedthem.“WhenIhappenedtobewalkinginacertainpartoftheAppalachianForest

in Tennessee, I saw aman standing still.Hewas standing still, frozen in acertainpositionofdespairandshame.Isawthathewasinthat,youknow,thepastregaliaofthenativetribes.Hewasjuststandingtherecompletelyfrozenin full regalia.Whenever I see someone in extreme movement or they areimmediately still, I put myself into it because both of these situations arepossibilities for me to do something. The in-between, medium movementdoesn't mean much. People in extreme movement, they are a possibility.Peoplewhoareutterly still, they tooare apossibility. I cannotkeepmyselfawayfromthesetwokindsofpeoplebecausethatisafieldofpossibilities.

“So, then I saw that it was almost three hundred years, close to threehundred years, that he was standing there frozen. I saw that the situationbehindhis lifewas that this particular personhad the responsibility and theprivilegeofprotectinghiselderbrother,whowasacertainkindof leaderorchief of the community. Hewas like a right-handman to him.Hewas hisassistant, protecting him in every way. Now in that tradition, elder brotherdoesnotnecessarilymeanthathewasbornfromthesamefatherormother.Youcantakeupbrothersinthesamewaythatyoucantakeupfriends.Thismanheldthiselderbrotheringreatesteem,andhehelditasagreatprivilegetowalkbyhissideandprotecthim.Asituationhappenedwherehehadsetupameeting for the chiefwith somemilitarypeople.Somehow this chiefwasdeceived and this elder brother, who was of a certain leadership andprominence,waskilledbythewhiteman.Thismanfeltsoresponsible.Thisman that I cameacross stood there inabsolutedespair, failure,distress, andshame.Suchextremeemotionswerewithinhimthathehadjustbeenstandingthere for three hundred years.When I saw him, he was still standing rightthere.Not inaphysicalbody;obviously theearth fellback toearth,but therestofhimstoodtherejustashewasinthatmoment.So,Ithought,itistimehemoveson.Toomuchtimeinshame,toomuchtimeindefeatisnotgood.Ihelpedhimtomoveonfromthatsituation.And,Iwroteonebadpoemafterthat.”

AMERICA

ThebroodingdarknessofthesewoodsFeduponthenativeblood

InthetwistedtangleofthefallenwoodThespiritofthefallenIndianstood

Ohbrothers,youridentityamistakeThosewhooceanscrosseddidmake

ThegreedforgoldandlandLaidwastethespiritofwisdomandgrace

ThechildrenofthosewhobymurderdidtakeAretaintlessoftheirforefather'smistake

Butthosewholived,feduponmilkofcourageandprideStandasspiritsofdefeatandshameOthemurderedandthemurderous

Embraceme,letmesetyourspiritstorest

There was nothing to say. I was strongly affected by the poem and theimageoftheIndian,theabsolutehorrorofthatkindofshame.Ifeltimmobilejusthearingaboutit:apersonwhowassodistraughtthathebecamefrozenintime, so to speak. How could this be? What a bone-chilling, stomach-wrenchingstory.AstorylikethiswouldhavebeentotallyunbelievabletomebeforeIknewSadhguru;instead,Iwastearingupovertheterribleexperiencethatpoormanwentthrough.Maybe I had completely taken leave ofmy sensibilities, but nothing that

Sadhguru spoke about seemed unimaginable tome. It just seemsmatter offact.Afterhavingspentsomuch timewithhim,everythingoftenappears tobesupportedbyamagicalfieldofenergy.ThishappenssofrequentlywhenIam with him that now, even if something is not in my present level ofexperience, I am open to the possibility. It is more along the lines of howinconceivable a fax machine or the Internet once was. Very little seemsdifficulttoimagine.Ifyouhadknownwhatahardcoreskeptic,borderingonacynic, that Iused tobe,youwouldknow that thischange inmy thinking iscompletelyoutofcharacter.IfanyoneelseIknowotherthanSadhguruspokeofthesethings,Iwouldjustthinktheywerecrazyandwouldhavenothingtodowiththem.IhaveexperiencedSadhguruasamystic,andInolongerdoubtthathehasabiggersphereofperceptionthananyoneelseIhaveeverknown.Themore time I spendwithhim, themoreextraordinary things Iwitness

firsthand.IwasworkingonaprojectforIshaafewmonthsago,andIhadameetingwithSadhguruinNashville,Tennessee.IgottothemeetingearlyandLeelatoldmeaboutapilotforatelevisionshowthatSadhguruhadbeenonthe previous day. Sadhguru was one of three people on a panel to answerquestions about life and life's mysteries. He was there with an Americanshamanandapsychiatristfromaprominentuniversity.Awoman approached the panel with a taped video of her husband. Her

husbandwasinhisfortiesandwasdiagnosedwithterminalcancer.Hewasatthe end stageof the cancer andwas rapidly approachingdeath.Thewomanshowed a verymoving video of her husband in bed on lifesupport.Hewasasking questions, pertinent questions, about death and what was going to

happentohim.HetalkedaboutprayerandaskedwhyGodshouldsavehim.Peoplehadbeentellinghimtopray.Allhislifehehadbeenpraying,butnowhewasnotsosure.WhywouldGodrespondtohim?WhynotthepeopleinIraqandsomanyotherswhoaresufferingintheworld?Thethreepeopleonthe panel were all supposed to approach his questions from their ownperspectives.Theshamanwentonabouttherebeingsomekindofwonderfulparty on the other side, where all his old friends and loved oneswould bewaitingforhim.Sadhgururespondedtothisman'sgenuinelongingtoknow,at thefinalstageofhis life,withadifferent levelofvisionandcompassion.Oncehestartedspeaking,heseemedtotakeovertheshow.As Leela was telling me the story, Sadhguru came out and joined our

conversation.Hesaidthatthetwootherpeopleontheshowweredoingtheirbesttogivethismansolace.Hewentontosaythatthemanwasnotlookingforsolace;hewas lookingforhelpandunderstanding.Sadhguruofferedhishelptotheman'swife.Sadhguruwentontosaythatthewomancalledbacktosaythatherhusbanddidwanthishelp.Sadhguruthensaidthatinanhourwewouldbegoingtogotohishousesohecouldhelphim.AsIwaslisteningtoSadhguru,hiswordsslowlystartedtosinkin.“Weare

going to the house of this man who was on the videotape on that showyesterdayinonehour?”Iasked,thinkingIhadnotunderstoodwhatSadhguruwastellingme.“Yes,hewantsmyhelp,”heanswered.“You'regoingtohelphim?”Iaskedincredulously.“Whatdoesthatmean?

Youaregoingtohelphimdie?”“Yes,”Sadhgurusaid.“Heandhiswifeareverybrave.”“WellSadhguru,whatdoesthatmean?Willhegetenlightened?”Iasked.Sadhgurulaughedatmeandsaid,“No;hewillnotgetwhatyouwant,but

hewillhaveaverysoftlanding.”IstilldidnothaveanyideawhatSadhguruwastalkingabout,butthenext

thingIknewSadhguru,Leela,andIwereonourwaytothisman'shome.InthecaronthewaythereIsaid,“Sadhguru,youknowthatDoctorKevorkiangot ina lotof trouble forhelpingpeopledie. In fact, I thinkhe is inprisonnow.”Sadhgurulaughedloudandsaid,“Cheryl,Iamnotgoingtheretokillhim.I

amnotgoingtopulloffhislifesupport.Iamnotevengoingtotouchhim.Iamjustgoingtohelpmakehisexitsmoothandeasy.”Aboutthirtyminuteslater,wearrivedattheirhome.Itwasasmallhousein

amodestneighborhood.Whenwegotthere,thehousewasfilledwithpeople,primarilyfamilymembers.IhadheardSadhguruspeakaboutdeathatoneofthesathsangsIattended,andIrememberedthathesaiditisactuallyeasierforustodieifwearenotsurroundedbyourfamily.Hesaiditiseasiertoletgowhenweareawayfromourlovedonesandourattachments.Thatisobviouslynot howwedo things in this country. For some reason,we all feel thatweshouldbethereattheexactmomentourlovedonesdepart.Afterwemettheman'sfamilyandtheythankedSadhguruforcoming,we

wereledintothebedroom,whereheslept.Hewasinbedwithoutashirtonand was covered with a blanket that was folded under his arms. He washookedup to several IVs.WhenSadhguruwalked into the room, theman'seyespoppedopen.Heactuallylookedgood.Ihadheardhewasinincrediblepain,soIwassurprisedthathelookedsoawakeandnotlikehewasinpainorevensufferingatall.Sadhgurujuststoodtherewithhiseyesclosedforsometimethenhehuggedthemanandleft.OntheridebackSadhgurusaid,“Ifixedit.Hewillleavetomorrow.Itisa

fullmoon.Itisanauspiciousday,andaverygoodtimetoleave.”“What do youmean you fixed it?” I asked. “Howcan you knowhewill

actuallyleavetomorrow?Doctorscanneverpredictthingsthatclosely.”“Iamnotguessingaboutthis,Cheryl,”hereplied.“Hislifeenergieshave

becomeveryfeebleandhavegonebeyondthepointofhavingthecapacitytoholdontothebodyforverylong,nomatterwhat.Withofalltheselifesupportmechanisms,theymaybeabletopushhislifeformaybeaweekortwo,butinthe process hewillmost probably become totally unconscious and lose theopportunity to leave this life in awareness.So, Ihave setuphis energies insuch a way that he will leave at the beginning of the full moon tomorrowbetweeneleventhirtyandtwoo'clock.Itisaverygooddaytoleave.”The following day, I was back at the flat where Sadhguru was staying.

AboutanhourafterIarrived,aroundoneo'clock, thephonerang.Sadhgurureceivedwordthatthemanhadjustpassed.TheytoldSadhguruthatfromthetimehewenttoseehim,all thepainseemedtohavestopped.Beingpresentfor thatwasquiteanexperience. Ihadnothadanyotheropportunity toaskSadhgurumoreabout thatwhen it happened,but sinceLeela and Ihadhimcaptive on the island again, I thought he might talk about it somemore. Iaskedwhat hemeantwhen he said that he helped thatman to have “a softlanding.”“The transitionwasdefinitely smoothas Idismantled the residualkarmic

structure,asheisstillyoungandthatwouldallowthatlifetofindaformvery

soon,”hesaid.Taking that tomeanhewould reincarnate right away I asked, “So, being

bornagainquicklyisagoodthing?”Obviously,Iwascluelessaboutallthis.IthinkIstillharboredsomeslimhopethatonceIdiedIwouldbeenlightened,oratleastunderstandalotmorethanIdonow.“Definitely,”Sadhgurusaid.“Itisaverygoodthing.”“So,whatisgoodaboutit?”Iasked.“Cheryl, when you are in a human body, you can do so much more to

evolveyourself.”“Arewestillevolvingwhenwearenothavingaphysicalbirth?”Iasked.“Yes, but things happen much more slowly. Human birth is a huge

opportunity.Somethingthatmaytakeayearherecouldtakeahundredtimeslongerthere.”I did not really understand, but I was beginning to see why a lot of the

Eastern traditions talkedabout the importanceofahumanbirthandalso theimportance of themoment of death. I asked Sadhguruwhy themoment ofdeathwassaidtobeimportant.Sadhguruanswered,“Whenoneleaveshisbodyinawarenessconsciously,

hecaneasilysetthefuturecourseforthelifewithin.Onewhocanwitnessthismomentoftransitiongetstoglimpseandperceivelifeinwaysthatmightnototherwisebeavailabletohim.Asthistransitionislikeatwilightzone,yougettoview itbeingaway fromboth lifeanddeath.Thevariousyogicpracticesaredesignedandstructuredtobringaboutthisprofoundglimpse.Itisforthispurpose that in many cultures of the world the last moment of life or themomentofdeathisconsideredveryimportant.”Sadhguru'sassertionthatwehadnotyetunderstoodtheenormityofbeing

human was making more sense now. He often said that many humans areprimarilyfocusedonsurvival—whattoeat,wheretosleep,havingsex,andsoon—but humans, unlike animals, have the capacity to reach the peak ofconsciousness.IhadoftenfeltthatIhadnotmadethemostofmylife,andIhadwasted a lot of it. In fact,when Imet Sadhguru, he said that Iwas indanger ofwasting the rest ofmy life to laziness and complacency. I didn'tdisagreewithhim.Infact,thatwasmyprimaryconcern:WhyhadInotbeenabletodomorewithmyself?Iwasenjoyinglifetoacertainextent,butIwasneverwithout the longing for somethingmore than just this small, ordinaryexperienceoflife.“Sadhguru,” I said, “I have heard you say onmany occasions that most

peopledon'twant truth.They justwantsolace. I take that tomean that theyjustwant tokeeptheirbeliefsystemsintact tokeepthemselvescomfortable.I'vealsoheardyourepeatedlyrefuse to talkabout thingsoutsideofpeople'sexperience,but isn't itmoreuseful tounderstandhowthingsreallywork?Ifthishuman life is suchahugeopportunity forus to evolve, isn't it better toknowthatthantositaroundwaitingforeverythingtogetfixedafterwedie?Ifreincarnationiswhathappens,willyouexplainmoreaboutit tous?Oncewe have a human birth, do we just somehow keep creating a story untileventuallysomethinginuswantsout?”Just as I finished askingmy question, a localized storm appeared out of

nowherewithloudthunderandbrightlightning.AsmuchasIhatedforittohappen, the weather brought our wonderful night to a brisk end. When Iglanced at my watch, it was already close to five o'clock. The rest of myquestionsweregoingtohavetowait.Ihatedtoseethisnightend.Iwisheditcould have lasted forever. Not only was this night ending, my week ofmidnightswasalsocomingtoaclose.Itwasanending,andyetIknewitwasalsoabeginning.

EPILOGUE

Thenextmorningandtheendofourtimeatthelakecamearoundwaytooquickly,atwarpspeed.Afteralightbreakfast,Sadhguru,Leela,andIpackedour things and loaded up the cars to head out in three different directions.Leela was going back to her home in the Midwest. Sadhguru and I wereheading back to the airport, where Sadhguru was catching a plane toCaliforniaandIwasdepartingtoFloridatovisitmyparents.AfteratearfulgoodbyetoLeela,IlockedupthehouseandSadhguruandI

left for Atlanta, with him driving of course. During this ride, I was muchquieterthanonthefirsttrip,soakinginallthatIhadexperiencedduringthatincredibleweek.Icouldscarcelybelievethatsomuchcouldhappentomeinsuchashortperiodoftime.Morehappenedtomeinaweekwiththisgloriousbeing than in thewhole thirty-plus years beforemeetingSadhguru,which Ihadspenttryingtofindunderstandingandsomekindofinnerexperience.Yet,IknowIhavebarelyscratchedthesurfaceofwhoSadhguruisandwhoIcanbecomeorwhatispossibleforaperson.Because of Sadhguru, a dimension is opening up in me that was not

accessible before. This has completely changed how I experience life. IcertainlystilldonothavealltheanswersIhavebeenlookingfor,norhaveIsuddenly become enlightened, but something is definitely happeningwithinme.WhenIaskedSadhguruwhyeverythingwassointensenowandwhythis

yogaworkedsomuchbetter thananythingelseI'dtried,hesaid,“BecauseIdo not teach yoga. I amyoga.”When I asked him again at a later time, hesaid,“Becauseitisalivetransmission.”Idon'tknowwhatthatmeans,butIfeel that it is more than just the physical aspects of the practice that areworking onme. I can't believe that therewas a timewhen I questioned thevalueofhavingaguru.Thesameisnowtrueformeasitwasfortheyoungmanwhofirsttoldme

aboutSadhguruthatdayintheairport:“Allthishashadaliberatingeffectonmyattachmentsandfears.”Iamnowcruisingatamuchhigheraltitudethanbefore,regardlessofexternalsituations.Thisdoesnotmeanthatthingsdonot

stillfallapartfromtimetotime.Theydo,butIamnolongerconsumedwithworry when things are challenging. I definitely am not worrying ahead onspeclikeIusedto.MarkTwainoncesaid,“Ihavebeenthroughterriblethingsin my life, some of which actually happened.” Instead of a life ruled byoutside circumstances, I am very steady and happy, even if things becomechallenging.Sadhgurusaidthatonceyouareayogi,nothingbadcaneverhappentoyou

againbecausethere isnothingthatyoucannotuseforyourultimategrowth.Eveninhellayogicanbehappy.Ifyouarehappy,thereisnosuchthingashell.WhenIlookbackandseehowmuchhaschangedintheseveralyearssince

meetingSadhguruandbeginningtheyogaprocesses,itseemslikeamiracle.Sadhgurusaysthatmiraclesdonothappenwithabang;instead,theyhappenquietly.Theyhappenasquietlyasflowersbloomandtreesgrow.

AsIwassittingback,enjoyingtheridetotheairportandabsorbedinmythoughts,SadhguruaskedmeifIwasgoingtogoonthetriptoMountKailashinTibet,towhichhewouldsoonbetakingagroupofpeople.Hementioneditthepreviousyear,whenIwasintheHimalayaswithhimandabunchofotherIsha meditators. He spoke about Mount Kailash and a place called LakeMansarovarthathewasinterestedinvisiting.Hetolduswhatheknewaboutit at that time and asked who might want to go. Before I could think itthrough,myhandimmediatelyshotup.Iwasdyingtogo.When I got home, however, I did some research. It turns out thatMount

Kailash soars up to twenty-two thousand feet. Just to get to the base of themountain,onehastotrekuptoeighteenthousandfeet,analtitudethat isnosimple trip. I discovered that the trip up the mountain was an extremelyarduousjourneyandthatmanyofthosewhoembarkuponitdieeveryyear.IalsotalkedtoaphysicianIknow,whotoldmeoftwoofhercolleagueswhowentonasimilartriptoKailashwithasmallgroupofonlyfourteenpeople.Theybothdiedofpulmonaryproblemsonthetrip.IwentfromdyingtogotothinkingIwoulddieifIdidgo.ThewebsitethatIfoundalsowentonaboutaltitude sickness and harsh, rapidly changing inclement weather, includinglandslides. Kailash is said to be the most difficult pilgrimage in Asia.

KnowingSadhguru, none of this came as any big surprise tome—not onlythathewouldwant togo there,but that itwouldbebeyondchallenging forme. I concluded that this trip was definitely not for me. Maybe if I wereyoungerandmorephysicallyfitIwouldgo.So,therewewereridingdowntheroadwhenSadhguruwantedtoknowifI

wasplanningongoing.Ireplied,“No,Idon'tthinkso.”Sadhguru asked, “Why not, Cheryl?You should go. Itwould be good if

yougo.”Hecaughtmeoffguard.Ihadreallygivenitalotofthoughtandwasquite

comfortableinmydecisiontopass,becauseIwasconvinceditwouldbewaytoodifficultanduncomfortableforme.ButIhadnotexpectedtobetalkingtohimabout it. Itwouldbegood forme togo?Sadhgurusaying“itwouldbegoodifyougo”isnolightmatter.Istartedtohavethissinkingfeeling,filledwith enormous trepidation that Iwas going to be taking this trip nomatterhowdifficult itwouldbe.SoIsaid,“The thing is,Sadhguru, Iwouldreallylovetogoifitwouldnotkillme,butIthinkitisreallyovermyheadgivenmyage,fitnesslevel,andallotherthingsconsidered.”Sadhgurustartedlaughinguproariouslyandsaid“Cheryl,ifitdoesnotkill

you, it isnotworthdoing!Only ifyouarekilledwillyou trulycomealive.Let'sdothekillinginthemostexoticplaceontheplanet.”Ididmakethejourney,butthat'sanotherstory....

THEONETHATISThefleshThespirit

OnlythemeansToknowTheonethatis

—Sadhguru

APPENDIXONE

IshaYogaPrograms

Gleanedfromthecoreoftheancientyogicscienceandunveiledforeveryhuman being, Isha Yoga programs allow individuals to take tangible stepstowardtheirinnergrowth.DesignedbySadhguru,theprogramsprovidearareopportunityforself-discoveryundertheguidanceofarealizedyogi.AtIsha,yogaistaughtinitsfulldepthanddimensionandiscommunicated

on an experiential level. The programs provide methods for establishingoneself inwholeness and vitality as the first stepping stone toward spiritualgrowth. The simple yet powerful practices taught in the basic Isha Yogaprogramspavethepathforinnerexplorationandself-transformation.Tailoredtosuitindividualsfromeverysocialandculturalbackground,Isha

Yogaprogramsinvolvesimplepostures,meditation,andotherpowerfulwaysof transforming one's energies. They do not require physical agility or anypreviousknowledgeorexperienceofyoga.

BASICPROGRAMS

InnerEngineeringInnerEngineeringisthebasicIshaYogaprogram,whichisofferedinmany

citiesintheUnitedStates.Inthisintensiveseven-dayprogram,thefoundationfor exploring higher dimensions of life is established by offering tools thatenableone to re-engineerone'sself through the innerscienceofyoga.Oncegiven the tools to rejuvenate themselves, people can optimize all aspects ofhealth,innergrowth,andsuccess.Forthoseseekingprofessionalandpersonalexcellence, this program offers keys for meaningful and fulfillingrelationshipsatwork,home,community,andmost importantly,withinone'sself.Theprogramalsooffersthetoolsnecessarytocreatethebalancebetweenthe challenges of a hectic career and the inner longing for peace andwell-being.The approach is a modern antidote to stress and presents simple but

powerful processes from yogic science to purify the system and increase

healthandinnerwell-being.Programcomponentsincludetransmissionofthesacred Shambhavi Maha Mudra as well as guided meditations. Whenpracticed on a regular basis, these tools have the potential to enhance one'sexperienceoflifeonmanylevels.

Wholeness

Wholeness is an eight-day residential program conducted bySadhguru at

the Isha Yoga Center in India. It is scientifically structured to produce anenvironment conducive for personal exploration and transformation. Theapproachinthisprogramistrulyholistic,asittreatseachpersonasawhole,recognizingtheessentialunityofbody,mind,andspirit.Practices learned in the Wholeness Program place great emphasis on

purifyingprocessesthatrenewthebody'spotencyandactasastressreducerandapreventativefordisease.ThepracticestaughtattheWholenessProgramactivate a subtle process that leads to a change in one's inner chemistry.Science today has proven that all physical and emotional states have abiological/chemicalbasis.ThegoaloftheWholenessProgramistotransforma person's inner chemistry, which leads to physical health, joyfulness, andvitality, and which ultimately cultivates the person for the experience of ahigherspiritualdimension.This program features Shakti Chalana kriya, a series of powerful and

purifyingbreathingtechniques;asanas,dynamicyogapostures;andShoonyameditation, an effortless process of conscious non-doing that stimulates therelease of all physical, mental, and emotional blocks and that activatesspontaneousexpressionofone'svitalenergy.

ADVANCEDPROGRAMS

BhavaSpandanaProgram

Bhava Spandana Program (BSP) is a four-day, threenight residentialprogramofferedtothosewhohavecompletedeithertheInnerEngineeringortheWholeness Program. This advancedmeditation program is designed bySadhguru to provide the opportunity to experience higher levels ofconsciousnessbeyondthelimitationsofthebodyandthemind.BSPofferstheexperienceofaworldoflimitlessloveandjoy.

AccordingtoSadhguru,IshaYogaprogramspreparethemindandcultivateone'sbodyandenergy to lookbeyondone'sphysical reality.Theprocessofyoga is tocultivateone'senergies insuchaway thatgradually itbreaks thephysical limitationsandoneexperienceslifebeyondthephysicaldimension.This is justapreparationso thatwhen theenergybegins tomove, theminddoesn'tresist.Thepracticesslowlyelevateoneinthisway.BhavaSpandana is a boosting experience in the samedirection. It is like

making a person jump and look beyond the wall. “He sees beyond hislimitationexperientially.Onceheseesthat,heknowsthatonedayhemustgooverthewalltoseewhatisontheotherside.”

Samyama

Samyama is an intensive, eight-day residential program conducted by

SadhguruattheIshaYogaCenterinIndia.Samyamameditationsprovidetheexperientialpossibilitytofreeonefromthebondsofkarmaandtopurifythebodyandthemindtoreceivehigherlevelsofenergy.Samyamapresentsthepotential for participants to reach heightened levels of consciousness and toexperienceexplosivestatesofmeditativenessinthepresenceofaself-realizedyogi.

OTHERPROGRAMS

HataYoga

Hata Yoga, a two-to three-day residential program at Isha Yoga, is anopportunity to learn surya namaskar (sun salutation) alongwith a series ofasanas (yoga postures). The program does not require any previousexperience in yoga or particular physical agility. Participants need not havegonethroughanypreviousIshaYogaprograms.Inthisone-timeprogram,thepostures are imparted in such depth and precision that the one who goesthroughtheprogramisenabled topractice themathome.IshaHataYogaisfar beyond being a mere physical exercise, simply bending the body. Thiscomprehensive set of asanas is scientifically designed in such a way thatthroughregularpractice,onecanattaintoacertainmasteryoverthebodyandthemind. IshaHata Yoga not only improves health andwell-being, it alsobrings the necessary balance within oneself to experience higher levels of

energy.As a preparatory step for other IshaYoga practices, it significantlyenhancestheexperienceofkriyasandmeditation.

IshaYogaforChildren

Isha Yoga for Children offers a unique possibility for every child to

experienceajoyfulblossomingoftheirnaturalpotential.IshaYogacelebratesthe natural gifts within every child, including their sense of wonder andonenesswithlife.The program introduces children to yoga through playful and joyful

exploration, allowing each child to develop and live in optimal health andinnerpeace.IshaYogaforChildrenconsistsofanintroductiontosimpleyogapractices,

includingShaktiChalanakriyaandasanas,aswellasthecultivationofadeepsense of responsibility and reverence for life. The program content ispresentedthroughfungamesandplaysothatchildrenexperienceasenseofbelongingandunitywithlife.Participants of Isha Yoga for Children often experience enhanced

concentration and memory, more focus, and improved mind-bodycoordination.Thepractices learnedareaneffectivepreventative forobesity,asthma,sinusitis,andotherchronicailments.

APPENDIXTWO

IshaFoundation

Isha Foundation is a nonreligious, nonprofit, public service organizationthat addresses all aspects ofhumanwell-being.From its powerful programsforinnertransformationtoitsinspiringprojectsforsocietyandenvironment,Ishaactivitiesaredesignedtocreateaninclusiveculturethat is thebasisforglobal harmony and progress. This approach has gained worldwiderecognition and is reflected in IshaFoundation'sSpecialConsultativeStatuswiththeEconomicandSocialCouncil(ECOSOC)oftheUnitedNations.Supportedbyhundredsandthousandsofactiveanddedicatedvolunteersin

morethantwohundredcentersworldwide,thefoundation'sactivitiesserveasa thriving model for human empowerment and community revitalizationthroughouttheworld.

ISHAYOGACENTERIshaYogaCenter,foundedundertheaegisofIshaFoundation,islocatedon

150acresoflushlandatthefoothillsoftheVellingiriMountains,whicharepartofareserveforestwithabundantwildlife.Createdasapowerfulsthana(acenterforinnergrowth),thispopulardestinationattractspeoplefromallpartsof the world. It is unique in its offering of all aspects of yoga—gnana(knowledge), karma (action), kriya (energy), and bhakthi (devotion), and itrevives the guru-shishya parmapara (traditional method of knowledgetransferfrommastertodisciple).ThecenterhousesthearchitecturallydistinctiveSpandaHall,asixty-four-

thousand-square-footmeditationhallandprogramfacilitythatisthevenueofmany advanced residential programs. Also located at the center are theDhyanalinga Yogic Temple, Theerthakund, Isha Rejuvenation Center, IshaHomeSchool,Nalanda(acorporateconferencecenter),andVanaprasthaforfamilies. IshaYogaCenter provides a supportive environment for people toshifttohealthierlifestyles,improvetheirrelationships,seekahigherlevelof

self-fulfillment,andrealizetheirfullpotential.

DHYANALINGAYOGICTEMPLEThe Dhyanalinga is a powerful and unique energy form created by

Sadhguru from theessenceofyogic sciences. It is the firstof itskind tobecompletedinmorethantwothousandyears.TheDhyanalingaYogicTempleis a meditative space that does not ascribe to any particular faith or beliefsystem,nordoesitrequireanyritual,prayer,orworship.Within this architectural marvel, a dome structure without pillars, the

energiesoftheDhyanalingaseemtovibrateandalloweventhoseunawareofmeditationtoexperienceadeepstateofmeditativeness,revealingtheessentialnatureoflife.Everyday,thousandsofpeopleconvergeatthisuniquemeditationcenterto

seekoutinnerpeaceandsilence.AsthefocalpointofIshaYogaCenter,theDhyanalinga is rapidly gaining in its global reputation as being one of themostsoughtoutplacesformeditation.

ISHAYOGAPROGRAMSIshaYoga programs allow individuals to take tangible steps toward their

innergrowth.TheseprogramsaredesignedbySadhguruasarareopportunityforselfdiscoveryundertheguidanceofarealizedmaster.Anarrayofprogramsisconductedregularlybythefoundationworldwide.

Theseprogramsestablishoptimalhealthandvitality,provideenhancedmentalcalmness and clarity, and instill a deep sense of joy. They can be easilyintegrated into one's everyday life and embrace the human effort to reachinnerawareness.

ACTIONFORRURALREJUVENATIONAlong-timevisionofSadhguru,ActionforRuralRejuvenation(ARR)isa

pioneering social outreach program.ARR aims at providing comprehensiveand ongoing rural rehabilitation services, such as free medical relief, yogaprograms,natureawarenessprograms,andcommunitygames to theheartoftheruralcommunitiesofIndia,creatinganopportunityforvillagers,includingwomenandchildren, to takeresponsibilityfor theirownlivesand torestoreand reach their ultimatewell-being. So far,ARR has helpedmore than 1.7millionpeopleinmorethanthirty-fivehundredvillages,inthesouthernstates

of India (as of July 2007). This initiative is also finding its way to thenorthwesternpartofAfrica.

ISHAVIDHYAIshaVidhya,anIshaEducationInitiative,iscommittedtoraisingthelevel

of education and literacy in rural India and to help disadvantaged childrenrealize theirfullpotentials.Theprojectseeks toensurequalityeducationforchildren in rural areas in order to create equal opportunities for all toparticipateinandbenefitfromIndia'seconomicgrowth.With English computer-based education complemented by innovative

methods for overall development and blossoming of each individual, IshaVidhyaschoolsempowerruralchildrentomeetfuturechallenges.Sadhguru'sintention and goal is to start 206English “computer friendly”matriculationschoolswithinthenextfivetosevenyears,atleastoneineachtalukinTamilNadu.The schoolsareexpected tobenefitmore than fivehundred thousandstudentswhenfullyfunctional.

PROJECTGREENHANDSAn inspiringecological initiativeof IshaFoundation,ProjectGreenHands

seeks to prevent and reverse environmental degradation and enablesustainable living. The project aims to create 14 percent additional greencover in the state ofTamilNadu in southern India.Drawing extensivelyonpeople'sparticipation,114milliontreeswillbeplantedstatewidebytheyear2010.As a first step, a mass tree planting marathon was held on October 17,

2006. It resulted in852,587saplingsbeingplanted in6,284 locationsacrosstwenty-sevendistrictsinthestatebymorethan256,289volunteersinjustoneday,settingaGuinnessWorldRecord.

ISHAREJUVENATIONSurrounded by thick forests at the tranquil foothills of the Vellingiri

Mountains,IshaRejuvenationhelpsindividualstoexperienceinnerpeaceandthe joy of a healthy body. It offers a unique and powerful combination ofprograms, scientificallydesignedbySadhguru, tobringvibrancyandproperbalancetoone'slifeenergies.Theprogramscontainasynthesisofallopathic,ayurvedic, and siddha treatments, and complementary therapies, alongwith

thesublimewisdomofvariousancientIndiansciencesandspirituality.Thesetreatmentshavehadaphenomenalimpactontheagingprocessandhaveledtomiraculousrecoveriesfromseeminglyhopelesshealthsituations.All the proceeds of Isha Rejuvenation contribute toward providing free

health care to rural villagers under the Action for Rural Rejuvenationinitiative.

ISHAHOMESCHOOLIshaHomeSchoolaimsatprovidingqualityeducationinachallengingand

stimulating home-like environment. It is designed specifically for the innerblossomingandthewell-roundeddevelopmentofchildren.With its prominent international faculty and Sadhguru's personal

involvement in the curriculum, Isha Home School kindles the innate urgewithin children to learn and know.Focus is given to inculcating life valuesand living skills whilemaintaining the rigor of academic excellence as pernational and international standards. It does not propagate any particularreligion, philosophy, or ideology; rather, it encourages children to seek adeeperexperienceandinnerunderstandingofthefundamentalsoflife.

ISHABUSINESSIshaBusinessisaventurethataimstobringatouchofIshaintothehomes

and environments of the community and to ultimately enrich people's lives.Thisopportunity ismadeavailable throughnumerousproductsandservices,fromarchitecturaldesigns,construction, interiordesign, furnituredesignandmanufacturing,landscapedesign,handicraftsandsoftfurnishings,todesigneroutfitsfromIshaRaiment.All profits from this venture are used to serve the rural people of India

throughIshaFoundation'sActionforRuralRejuvenationinitiative.

HOWTOGETTOISHAYOGACENTERIshaYogaCenter is located thirty kilometerswest of Coimbatore, at the

foothillsofVellingiriMountains,partoftheNilgirisBiosphere.Coimbatore,amajor industrial city inSouth India, iswell connectedbyair, rail, and road.All major national airlines operate regular flights into Coimbatore fromChennai,Delhi,Mumbai,andBangalore.TrainservicesareavailablefromallthemajorcitiesinIndia.Regularbusandtaxiservicesarealsoavailablefrom

CoimbatoretoIshaYogaCenter.VisitorsshouldcontactIshaYogaCenterforavailabilityandreservationof

accommodationswellinadvanceofarrivaltothecenter,astheyaregenerallyfullybooked.

CONTACTUS

IshaYogaCenterSemmedu(P.O.),VellingiriFoothills

Coimbatore641114,IndiaTelephone:91-422-2515345

E-mail:[email protected]

IshaInstituteofInnerSciences191AnthonyDr.

McMinnville,TN37110,USATelephone:931-668-1900

E-mail:[email protected]

IshaInstituteofInnerSciencesPOBox559

Isleworth,TW75WRUnitedKingdom

Telephone:44-7956998729,44-7939118981E-mail:[email protected]

Website:www.ishafoundation.org

ABOUTTHEAUTHORS

CherylSimone isa lifelongstudentofhumanpotential,aspiritualseeker,an entrepreneur, a wife, a mother, and the CEO of several businesses. ShelivesinAtlanta,[email protected] more information on Cheryl's experiences and to download a free

introductorytalkbySadhguruentitledInnerEngineering,pleaselogonto:www.midnightswiththemystic.com

SadhguruJaggiVasudevisayogi,mystic,andvisionary.Heisaspiritualmasterwith a difference.An arresting blend of profundity and pragmatism,his lifeandwork serveasa reminder that inner sciencesarenotanesotericdisciplinefromanoutdatedpast,butacontemporaryscience,vitallyrelevantto our times. Probing, passionate, and provocative, deeply insightful,devastatinglylogical,andunfailinglywitty,Sadhguru'stalkshaveearnedhimthereputationofaspeakerandopinion-makerofinternationalrenown.With speakingengagements that takehimaround theworld,he iswidely

sought after by prestigious global forums to address issues as diverse ashuman rights, business values, and social, environmental, and existentialissues. He has been a delegate to the United Nations Millennium PeaceSummit,amemberoftheWorldCouncilofReligiousLeaders,andaspecialinvitee to the Australian Leadership Retreat, the Tallberg Forum, and theWorld Economic Forum at Davos in 2006 and 2007. Listeners have beenubiquitouslyimpressedbyhisastuteandincisivegraspofcurrent issuesandworldaffairs,aswellashisunerringlyscientificapproachto thequestionof

humanwell-being.

HamptonRoadsPublishingCompany...fortheevolvinghumanspirit

HamptonRoadsPublishingCompanypublishesbooksonavarietyofsubjects,includingspirituality,health,andotherrelatedtopics.

Foracopyofourlatesttradecatalog,calltoll-free,800-766-8009,orsendyournameandaddressto:

HamptonRoadsPublishingCompany,Inc.1125StoneyRidgeRoadCharlottesville,VA22902E-mail:[email protected]:www.hrpub.com