Melody Montgomery. Today’s Session Focus – Structure Your Writing. Precision – Unravel Nouns. Concision – Activate Sentences. Avoid Redundancy. Revision.

RUG: WRITING WITH FOCUS,

PRECISION, AND

CONCISION

Melody Montgomery

Today’s Session

Focus – Structure Your Writing.

Precision – Unravel Nouns.

Concision – Activate Sentences. Avoid

Redundancy.

Revision – Writing IS re-writing.

Focus

Starting the Writing Process

• Read the instructions carefully.

• Brainstorm, outline, and diagram ideas.

• Expand outline into sentences, and link ideas with

transitions.

• Work on daily (plan for 4-6 months of writing and

preparation for grant proposals).

• Plan for editing and submission time.

• Review throughout.

• Write and re-write: get feedback, edit, and proofread.

• Do not worry about your first draft(s).

Focus

Making Your Ideas Clear

Tie paragraphs together to tell a story.

Use transition words to link ideas.

Define terms, even if you think they are known.

Avoid long sentences (keep each at 15-20 words).

Breakdown ideas.

Keep the subject close to the verb.

Avoid using the same words over and over.

Focus

The 1st sentence is the most important

Contains the main idea of

the paragraph.

Provides the reader a

‘bucket’

Structure of a paragraphFocus

Structure of a paragraph

Contents

Supports 1st

sentence

Water in the bucket

Focus

Structure of a paragraph

Last sentence - Handle

Summary or evaluation of information

“Taken together, these data point to…”

Focus

Use transition words to link ideas.

Focus

TransitionsFocus

For continuing a common line of reasoningconsequently, furthermore, additionally, also,

To change line of reasoninghowever, on the other hand, but, yet, nevertheless, despite

Contrast and Comparisoncontrast, conversely, instead, likewise, on one hand, similarly

Emphasisabove all, chiefly, with attention to, especially, particularly, singularly

Exemplifyingchiefly, especially, for instance, in particular, markedly, namely, including

Exceptionaside from, barring, beside, except, excepting, excluding, exclusive of, save

Transitions cond.Focus

Consequenceaccordingly, as a result, consequently, for this reason, hence

Generalizingas a rule, as usual, for the most part, generally, usually

Illustrationfor example, for instance, for one thing, as an illustration, as an example,

Similaritycomparatively, coupled with, correspondingly, identically, likewise, similar

Restatementin essence, in other words, namely, that is, that is to say, in short, in brief

Sequenceat first, first of all, to begin with, in the first place, at the same time, for now,

Tell a clear and interesting story that

emphasizes your focus. Structure

sentences to stress your key points.

Focus

Stress PositionSubject = Old InformationVerb = ActionStress Position = New Information

Examples:Although the treatment is highly effective, it has significant side effects.Although the treatment has significant side effects, it is highly effective.

Focus

• Avoid expletive constructions

• They begin with there are/is or it is

• Be careful when using it/they/etc. Is it clear what it is referring to?

Expletive constructions

Focus

Precision

Long Compound Noun Strings or “Noun Stacks”

Be cautious when using long strings of nouns;

can form multiple meanings.

Unraveling:

• Properly use hyphens.

• Read the phrase backwards.

• Use prepositions to break into modifying

units.

Precision

• neuron-specific autophagy-deficient mice

• mice deficient in neuron-specific autophagy

• monocyte secreted HIV-related stimuli

• HIV-related stimuli secreted by monocytes

• LC-MS/MS-defined target concentrations

• target concentrations defined by LC-MS/MS

Unraveling Noun Strings/Noun StacksPrecision

• We will be testing our hypothesis using

innovative methods to examine the data

after we have analyzed it quantitatively.

• Using innovative methods, we will

thoroughly test our hypothesis, examine the

data, and quantitatively analyze our results.

Use Parallel Verb Tense

Precision

Magnitude v. Elevationhigher = elevationincreased = more

Logic v. Timealthough, but, whereas = logicsince, as = timebecause = logicsubsequently = timeconsequently = logic

Precision

Singular v. Pluralphenomena = pluralphenomenon = singulardata = pluraldatum = singularcriteria = pluralcriterion = singular

Affect and Effectaffect = verbeffect = noun

Compliment and ComplementCompliment = Positive StatementComplement = Adds to

Precision

Precision

Capitalizing Job Titles

General Rule: Capitalize title when it precedes the name, and do not capitalize the title if it follows the name.

Helpful link: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/capitals.htm

• Can use in place of parentheses. • Cytokines (small cell-signaling protein molecules) pair to these receptors.

• Cytokines, which are small cell-signaling protein molecules, pair to these …

• Use before ‘which’

• Use before conjunction separating two complete

statements. Note: ‘however’ is not a connection

• Use after transition words (e.g., Furthermore, Next,)

• Use to separate nouns (DNA, RNA, and tRNA)

• Serial comma: In American English the serial comma is standard

in most non-journalistic writing and follows the Chicago Manual of

Style.

Comma Usage

Precision

Which & ThatWhich follows a comma and introduces non-essential clauses

• The transmembrane protein CD22, which is a negative regulator of cellular signaling …

That does not follow commas. Introduces essential clauses• By examining the pathway that negatively regulates cellular signaling, …

i.e. & e.g.i.e. = id est. That is. •Nucleic acids (i.e., DNA and RNA)

e.g. = exempli grati. For example.•Macromolecules (e.g., nucleic acids)

Precision

• Use between nouns of equal importance (eye-

opener)

• Use between two numbers spelled out (e.g.,

twenty-four)

• Use to link two nouns or words that modify

another noun (e.g., real-time experiment, well-

run practices)• Note, modifiers ending in ‘ly’ are not typically hyphenated.

Precision

Hyphen: Punctuation RulesUsed for compound noun phrases

Three-hundred-year-old trees: An indeterminate number of trees that are 300

years old.

Three hundred-year-old trees: Three trees that are 100 years old.

Three-hundred year-old trees: 300 trees that are one year old.

Disease causing poor nutrition: A disease that causes poor nutrition

Disease-causing poor nutrition: Poor nutrition that causes disease

Multiple extra cellular signals: Many additional cellular signals

Multiple extra-cellular signals: Many signals that are outside the cell

Cancer causing mutagenesis: Cancer that causes mutagenesis

Cancer-causing mutagenesis: Mutagenesis that causes cancer

Hyphens: Clarify Longer Clauses

Revision

Concision

Eliminating Wordiness

Is aware of/has

knowledge of …

Is taking …

Are indicative of …

Are suggestive of …

In the event …

Concision

Knows

Takes

Indicate

Suggest

If

Avoiding Redundancy• Past History• Final outcome • Repeat again• Actual facts• Refer back• Absolutely essential• Basic fundamentals• Close proximity• Desirable benefits• Entirely eliminate• Still persists

http://grammar.about.com/od/words/a/redundancies.htm

Concision

Phrases that You Can Omit

• Has a tendency to In the event that

• In the process of • All things

considered• Has the ability to • As far as __ is

concerned

• In light of the fact that

• By means of • For all intents and

purposes • It seems that• In the nature of• At the same time as

Concision

Let the Subject Do the Work

• Keep subject and verb close.Our theory, which was adopted using the basic principles of human

healthcare ethics that contains four principles, is a grounded theory

approach.

Our grounded theory approach adopts the four basic principles of human of

healthcare ethics.

• Use active verbs and activate sentences.We will develop a cell line - rather than “a cell line will be developed”

The ICP data show - rather than “It can be seen from the ICP data…”

Concision

Use Strong Action WordsExamples:

accelerate, compile, compose, delineate, describe,

detect, determine, develop, elevate, evaluate, expand,

formulate, generate, hypothesize, illustrate, implement,

induce, inflict, instigate, interpret, isolate, maintain,

manipulate, perform, placate, predict, prepare, prescribe,

produce, promote, prompt, propel, protect, reduce,

repair, research, support, synthesize, target, test,

transfer, undertake, utilize, yield …Examples of active verbs:

http://www.cvisual.com/film-techniques/writer-action-verb-list.pdf

Concision

Original: An understanding of these recurring cytogenetic

changes has led to the molecular dissection of specific

chromosomal regions and has resulted in the isolation

and cloning of various proto-oncogenes

Revision: Because we better understand these recurring

cytogenetic changes, specific chromosomal regions

have been molecularly dissected resulting in isolation

and cloning of various proto-oncogenes.

Concision

Reduce Prepositions

Passive Sentence:

• (Noun) (Verb phrase) By (Noun)

• The true subject is at the end

1. Find the true subject.

2. Find the verb.

3. Organize into subject-verb structure.

Exercise: Converting Passive to Active Voice

Concision

The ABC pathway is blocked by elevating

the expression of the XYZ protein.

Increased expression of the XYZ protein

blocks the ABC pathway.

Concision

Converting Passive to Active Voice

There were a number of questions regarding

the experimental design and several

concerns were pointed out by the group

members.

The group members raised a number of

questions and some concerns regarding

the experimental design.

Converting Passive to Active Voice

Concision

Avoid Weak Qualifiers

If, Try, Hope, May, Might, Should, Could, Believe, Possibly

use EXPECT.

Concision

Write in clear, simple

sentences

Avoid difficult, compound sentences

Break things into smaller

chunks

Poor structure diverts readers’

energy

Don’t put your reader to sleep

Concision

Revision

BEFORE

It is unknown why such

phenomena occur.

Because the screening

process requires proof

of certification, it is not

necessary to collect this

information.

REVISED

At this point in time, we

cannot ascertain the reason

as to why such phenomena

occur.

In light of the fact that

certification is required, we

consider it irrelevant to inquire

regarding this aspect of

one’s background given that

It has been addressed in the

screening process.

Revision

Editing and Proofreading Tips

• Edit and proofread in blocks of time. Allow your self to step

away and look at fresh.

• Try changing the look and formatting of your document.

• Use a highlighter to mark the changes that you made for printed

edits.

• Create a timeline – schedule time to write/practice

Revision

Checklist

Read out loud.

Replace/unravel long noun phrases.

Is your train of thought clear (correct modifiers and

prepositions)?

Check sentence variety (impact – short sentence).

Check that you do not use the same words and

phrases over and over (thesaurus.com).

Precise/unambiguous word choices.

Revision

Structuring your writing

1. Positions of emphasis

2. Let the subjects do the work

3. Paragraph organization

Activating verbs

4. Use active voice

5. Strong verbs

6. Avoid nominalization

Eliminating wordiness

7. Prune the redundant

8. Reduce weak qualifiers

9. Avoid clichés and empty generalities

Review…

Email-address: [email protected]: 402.559.4132

http://www.unmc.edu/research_editorial.htm