Meet People

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FOUR STEPS TO DRASTICALLY IMPROVE YOUR DATING

BY ADAM WREN





PREFACE 1

INTRODUCTION 5

ATTRACTION 7

HONESTY VULNERABILITY 15

REJECTION 20

HAVING FUN 25

CONCLUSION 29

CONTENTS




1

Just over 10 years ago, I spent a year in and out of a psychiatric hospital, suffering

with severe depression. I had dropped out of school, was extremely unhappy and

had two very serious suicide attempts that brought me incredibly close to death. On

one occasion an overdose had me within inches of never waking up and left the

doctors wondering how I ever survived. On a separate occasion I had cut myself up

to such a degree that the house resembled that of a murder scene as I’d also taken

drugs to help the process along. I remember almost nothing of either of these

events but it’s safe to say I’m very lucky to still be alive.

What lead to this self destructive behaviour was a combination of growing up with

an abusive stepfather, being bullied at school from a very young age and several

deaths in the family that I just didn’t know how to deal with.

It wasn’t until I was about 19 that I had a psychologist to tell me to harden the fuck

up and do something with my life. At first, I wanted to punch her in the face but her

directness and honesty made me realise through a very long conversation that I amthe only person who is preventing me from moving forward. No amount of

medication would change my life if I wasn’t willing to step up and make changes.

I very gradually pieced my life together through a process of persistent baby steps

forward, progressively building enough momentum to support myself in life. I

managed to gain entry into university (with great difficulty given I had previously

dropped out of school).

At this stage I was still absolutely terrible with women. The thought of approaching

and talking to a stranger on the street or even asking a girl out on a date was justcompletely foreign and didn’t even register in my mind as a possibility. This led me

down a path of bitterness towards women. I would look around and become

frustrated that so many other guys had no problems (or so I thought).

What I did manage to do is make friends with a girl that had a boyfriend. The

relationship between her and I escalated very quickly from being purely platonic to

one of romance and intimacy. Any advance I had the courage to make towards her

was usually whilst we were both under the influence of alcohol.

PREFACE



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Within a few months, I was totally in love with this girl, and despite her being in a

relationship with another guy, she reciprocated the same strong feelings that I had

towards her. We would often go back to my apartment between lectures to fool

around.

Eventually her being with her boyfriend really got to me and further served to fuel

my insecurity. The uncertainty of not knowing whether she’d end up choosing me or

stay with her boyfriend was eating me up on the inside. She told me that she

wanted to be with me but kept on delaying the decision.

I gave her an ultimatum – it was him or me. I, for some reason (possibly denial),

thought that she would instantly break up with him and start a relationship with me.

Oh how naive I was. It didn’t go my way at all.

I was absolutely devastated. I had a sense of loss, felt sorry for myself, anger, and

frustration at the world in general, bitterness at her for doing that, hate for her

boyfriend and an uncanny feeling that I just wasn’t good enough. All this rolled up in

to one giant ball of overemotional shit.

This was the final straw for me. I’d never had success with women before and I just

had my heartbroken. Something needed to change but I had no idea what.

That event gave me motivation to change. I didn’t know what to change or even

how, but I was determined to try.

I spent the next year researching personal development, sales, relationship advice,

picking up, social psychology and just about anything I could get my hands on. I

went out of my way to educate myself in as many ways as possible.

I spent the first six months of that year trying traditional pickup methods. I spent the

majority of the time at shopping centres approaching women using all sorts of lines,

routines and the mentality of ‘pretend I’m not interested while I ”build attraction”’.

I tried to build an identity as a ‘bad boy’ and shaped my life in a way that I thought

women would perceive as attractive.




3

The success varied. While I did get laid, the success was fairly short lived. She

would be interested at the start, but as she got to know me and my walls came

down, she would see I was still insecure and needy then lose interest very quickly.

While I did get more attention from women and I did get laid, I was still extremely

unhappy. Something had to be wrong with the “game” and pickup material that I

was reading.

So I stepped back and realised that this whole process was fundamentally flawed.These methods were designed to mask who you really are; to pretend you’re not

interested thereby manipulating women into being attracted to you.

The whole process was about trying to “win” her over regardless of what she’s like

as a person. It comes from a place of neediness instead of a place of true

confidence.

When I tried a more honest and genuine approach, my life changed forever.

I was dating more attractive women that added value to my life, I was moving

forward in life, achieving goals and most importantly, living a lifestyle that I enjoyed

rather than one that was designed to impress people.

A few friends had noticed a dramatic change in me and asked me to help them with

their dating lives. Within a few months, they had achieved awesome results as well.

I realised that helping others was something I really wanted to do – in a way that

helps men grow to be the best they can be instead of teaching guys to be sleaze

bags.

I started Get Good Game in June 2010 and have since spent my time helping bothmen and women with their personal growth and development goals. Living true to

my values, I am constantly educating myself and pushing myself forward so that my

clients can achieve their best results. I have found there is a big difference between

being good with women and being a good coach. As a result, I’ve done my best to

master both. The rest is history.

My story is by no means the worst of its kind. There are plenty of people who have

faced adversity in their journey and dealt with dark experiences. I’ve also been



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fortunate enough to witness many of these people go much further than I have in a

shorter period of time; but this isn’t about comparisons.

Despite having come from a history in which the odds were completely against me,

I have since used what I have learned and experienced to help thousands of guys

drastically improve their dating and personal lives.

And I still love every second of it.




5

If I was to have one overarching goal it would be this: For every person that I have

had the opportunity to teach or provide advice to, my goal is to instill in that person

the raw inner confidence and understanding to be able to meet women that are not

only unimaginably gorgeous, but are so incredible in that they completely blow your

mind away – and to top it off, they feel exactly the same way towards you.

In effect, this eBook will pave the way for the fastest, least painful path for moving

forward with personal growth, enabling great results.

I’m sure that you, like millions of people around the world are sick and tired of one

or a few of the following issues:

! Not dating enough

! Terrible sex life

! History of shitty relationships

!

Being hurt in past relationships

! Dating the wrong people

! Not being happy with those you do date or sleep with

These are merely a few examples.

If this is the case, rest assured that you are in the majority of people in the world

who want more from their lives. Unfortunately, millions of people settle into

relationships that they are not happy in, or out of sheer complacency or fear will

stay with someone who is not compatible with them. This leads people down a path

of living very miserable lives, and contributes to society’s ever increasing rate of

divorce. There is nothing wrong with anyone that has shared an experience similar

to this; this simply calls upon a person to be very much aware that they are capable

of achieving far greater happiness.

Like most of my clients, they will share with me stories of previous toxic

relationships, lack of confidence in approaching women, dating the wrong types of

women or simply not knowing what to do to move things forward when they meet

INTRODUCTION



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someone they are interested in. It is far more common than you realize and the

great news is that it doesn’t need to be this way.

What separates you from most people in the world, however, is the fact that you

have taken a step forward to make positive changes. The fact that you are reading

this eBook may seem to be a small action, but it is a step in the right direction that

most don’t have the courage to take. If you can continue to make small steps in the

right direction, you will achieve results beyond what you could imagine.

If you have spent any time at all reading about dating advice, I’m sure you will have

noticed that most of it is either over complicated, misguided or just contradictory.

This eBook is not based on nor intended to give you all the techniques and

methods that are out there. Techniques and methods will not produce the most

fruitful, significant, fast and long-term results.

This eBook will cover the four most vital elements that will totally redefine how you

go about your dating life.

!

Attraction

! Honesty/Vulnerability

! Rejection

! Having fun

You will notice that the focus is more on you as an individual than what you say or

do with women. These four elements are the most fundamental behaviors and

mindsets that you need to develop in order to facilitate drastic changes.

These are the things that I wish had been taught when I was a lot younger, as Ibelieve that without a doubt it would have helped me move forward a lot faster and

with much less pain.

It doesn’t matter if you have never approached a woman before, or have been in

several relationships, your background, the way you were raised, where you’re

from, your age, and so on; none of it matters. What matters is how committed you

are to moving forward.




7

Attraction is the core element of dating and a vital tier in all phases of romantic

relationships. Without attraction, a relationship is going to be limited to a friendship

or nothing at all.

An understanding of what is and is not attractive is going to provide you with a true

knowledge and insight as to why sometimes things work out and why sometimes

they don’t.

It’s hard to be objective about a situation when you’re emotionally involved in it. We

often can’t see the forest from the trees. Having a deeper knowledge will bring in to

action mindfulness of that objectivity.

Let’s begin by asking the obvious question… what is attraction? This is something

that has been debated at all levels for years and will continue to be for a very long

time.

“Interpersonal attraction is the attraction between people which leads to friendships

and romantic relationships. Interpersonal attraction, the process, is distinct from

perceptions of physical attractiveness which involves views of what is and is not

considered beautiful or attractive.”

(Thanks Wikipedia)

Clearly that makes it sound pretty unromantic and doesn’t mean much on it’s own.

Let’s simplify it.

Attraction is the sexual and emotional chemistry between two individuals.

ATTRACTION



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We’re going to talk exclusively about romantic attraction because this is the

fundamental precursor to sex, dating, relationships, and so on.

While there are certain qualities that are attractive, we need to focus on who we are

as an individual. We have control over the decisions we make and actions we take.

The right ones will lead to the best short and long term results.

To make it clear, attraction does not have an on and off switch. It is something that

grows, evolves and changes over the course of time and is much more of aspectrum of colour than it is black and white. While physical attraction is usually

what interests people initially, romantic attraction requires so much more.

There are a lot of factors that make someone attractive. If you look at attraction

purely from an evolutionary psychology perspective, people will tend to seek a mate

who is going to provide the greatest chance of having healthy children.

Some of these factors include:

! Health

! Status

!

Power! Money

! Physical looks

If this were the case, we would only see rich good-looking men of high status

attracting women (or at least high quality women). Evidently this fails to take into

account that there is a lot more going on than just evolutionary psychology in the

age we are living in. Since there are plenty of guys out there still dating that do not

fit that criteria, it’s safe to conclude that this is far from 100% accurate.

I personally know a guy who is in his mid 50’s, who is overweight, not at all goodlooking, doesn’t earn a great income, and yet he manages to attract some of the

most incredible women.




9

The single most attractive trait that anyone can possess is that of confidence.

There are two types of confidence:

! Core confidence

! Situational confidence

Core confidence relates directly to self-esteem and how you view yourself. It is the

ability to be vulnerable, honest, and not dependent on outcomes. Core confidenceis about trusting your own abilities despite what life throws at you, doing what is

best for you in your life and most importantly, loving who you are.

Situational confidence is having trust in your ability to perform certain tasks. A

former client of mine was an actor. On stage, he had an incredible amount of

presence, energy and an uncanny ability to draw the audience into his performance.

When it came to women however, he could barely talk without mumbling, fidgeting

and looking at the ground. He had situational confidence on stage, but a lack of

core confidence and as a result, was terrible with women.

When it comes to success with women, people struggle the most with therealisation that success with women comes from internal changes.

Learning lines, routines or any pre-scripted phrases will not move you forward.

Whilst pre-scripted lines and routines can give a sense of situational confidence by

means of “having something to say”, it detracts from core confidence that comes

from trusting your own ability to know how to handle whatever happens in a

situation.

The biggest problem with traditional “pick up” advice is that it comes from a place

of neediness. The concepts inherent in most pick up advice is to teach you how to

pick up any girl regardless of what type of person she is; in other words it’s all

about how hot she is. This mentality is extremely needy as it places more

importance on getting the girl than it does on whether she’s an awesome girl or not.

There are plenty of incredibly good-looking women out there who have the

personality of a dead horse. With that said, there are just as many women out there

who are average looking but have mind-blowing personalities. There will come a

point in your life (hopefully) that you realise that it’s not all about hot women and

random sex.



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This isn’t to say that casual sex is a bad thing, it just shouldn’t be ones primary

focus.

Although scripted and methodical approach techniques can certainly give short-

term results in terms of getting a positive reaction in the early stages, it fails very

quickly when the lines and routines run out. This approach is designed to target

insecure women. It essentially teaches men how to hide their own insecurities and

suggests that you need to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to “win the girl

over”.

Once again all of this behaviour is fake confidence designed to hide true

insecurities. Fake confidence demonstrates neediness – which inevitably kill’s

attraction.

Any woman with a reasonable level of self-esteem is not going to respond to things

like “negs” (backhanded compliments or just plain insults) and using tricks to get

her to invest in you.

Ideally, you would eventually if not already want to find someone who is so good

looking that it blows your mind every time you see her, and she has a personality

that keeps you stimulated, interested and inspires you to be the best person that

you can be. That person must see you in the same regard in order for the

relationship to be healthy and sustainable.

It is vital that you place a higher importance of what you think of yourself than on

what others think of you.

Confidence in dating comes from internal factors. Internal factors are derived from

self-esteem. So where does self esteem come from?

The most vital part of high self-esteem is self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is being 100% happy with who you are right now. Not in 10 years

time when you drive a Ferrari, live in a penthouse and have a body that looks like

it’s been hand crafted in the image of Ryan Reynolds. It is accepting the way things

are right this very moment.





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Having something to talk about means being able to discuss more than what you to

for work or how strange the weather has been. Think it’s obvious? Turns out it’s

not.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from women about previous men that they

have dated is that lots of guys actually don’t have much to talk about, and struggle

to hold a solid conversation.

This doesn’t just apply to men, but the population in general. It is amazing howmany people I meet who really struggle to be engaging in a conversation when

talking about issues other than themselves.

Here are some pro tips:

! Educate yourself

! Have interests

! Try new things

! Live an awesome lifestyle

!

Have opinions! Have values

! Know what’s happening in the world

These are things that give you something interesting and intriguing to talk about

rather than the usual garbage people say when they are talking purely for the sake

of talking. Talking for the sake of it is just verbal diarrhoea; it’s all shit and just keeps

flowing out.

Being able to hold a conversation and allow it to flow from topic to topic in an

engaging manner where you are both captivated is going to build an incrediblystrong connection.

Conversations that are both interesting and engaging are crucial for building strong

connections. So when your parents said, “Don’t talk about religion or politics” –

ignore it. They were wrong.




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I’m sure you can do this with any of your close friends, so you can do exactly the

same when talking to strangers. Most of the time people are too caught up in their

own thoughts. They focus so much on what to say next rather allowing the

conversation to take its course.

Show interest in her.

Everyone’s favourite subject seems to be themselves. Since we know our own lives

the best, it’s a pretty easy subject for us to talk about. So talking about ourselves allday isn’t the best way of getting to know someone.

Come from a place of curiosity and learn as much about her as you can. If this is

someone whom you know nothing about, it’s a chance to learn about who they are

as a person, what they stand for and most importantly, if you are going to get along.

Don’t fall into the trap of asking about meaningless rubbish for the sake of keeping

a conversation going, but find out what they are passionate about. When you’re

talking about passions, hopes and dreams, you’re finding out more about the core

of them, and it treats them like an individual rather than just a stranger that you’ve

met.

Some of the most interesting people I have ever met have been people from whom I

have expected the least. Never assume anything about anyone. Appreciating them

for who they are as an individual is an extremely attractive quality.

Don’t ask question after question or it will feel like a job interview. Allow the

conversation to flow by listening to what she is saying and respond to what she has

said rather than just asking another question.

Attraction is a fairly complex subject when it comes to the psychological aspect.There are still many areas relating to attraction that I have intentionally omitted

because they are either beyond the scope of this eBook, or don’t play as dramatic a

role.

Psychologists themselves still do not fully understand exactly how attraction works

on a neurological level, but at the end of the day, that is not what’s important.



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Playing games, pretending to be a bad boy and manipulative techniques are not

going to get you anywhere beyond the surface. If you want to be

attractive, you need much more than that.

Build your self-esteem by accepting who you are in the here and the now. Keep on

growing to be the best version of yourself. Not for anyone else, but for you.

Hold true to your values and your own identity. If someone disagrees with you,

that’s fine, not everyone is compatible. It may not even be a value that’s going tocause conflict. Knowing who you are and what you stand for is what makes you,

you.

Learn to allow conversations to flow to the point you wonder about how you ended

up on a topic. Keep it interesting, fun, flirtatious, polarising and you’ll be well on

your way! The ability to do this will make you stand out well above everyone else.

Be curious about her individuality as well. No one wants to be treated like a nobody.

Show her that you are interested in more than what she looks like and you will stand

out well above most men.

Building your confidence, self esteem and coming from the right mindset is going to

make a significantly bigger difference to how attractive you are.

Attraction is about who you are,

not what you have.




15

Honesty and vulnerability are two things that are drastically lacking in the realm of

dating and relationships. Interestingly, these are two of the most important factors

that pave the way for happy and healthy relationships. This applies to just about

every aspect of life, not just dating.

Honesty needs to be our first point of focus before vulnerability. Personal growth

and development in life starts with being honest with yourself and your intentions at

all times and at all costs.

Ask yourself this: have I set my goals because they are what I want to achieve or

because I think it will make someone else happy? Am I sleeping with this girl

because she’s an absolute champion or because I'm scared of being alone?

If you’re sleeping with a lot of women to validate yourself (ego), prove to your

friends that you are awesome or to fill a void of unhappiness within yourself, then

you need to reassess and get your own shit together before you are really going tomove forward in dating.

When you are honest with yourself, you gain the ability to make much better

decisions about what you want in life and will allow you to make much better

decisions in your life. Lying to yourself about what makes you happy and how you

feel about things is a fast track to low self-esteem.

In dating, honesty in your intentions and in your emotions are absolutely vital for

success.

If you want to sleep with a girl and have no strings attached, be honest about it! If

you are looking to get married and have a hundred babies, again, be honest about

it!

There is nothing wrong with casual sex or one night stands. If each of you are on

the same page with what you want and continue that honesty, then it can be an

awesome experience. The same principle applies with one-night stands. If all you

want is something for one night, have the balls to make it clear and don’t pretend

you want something more.

HONESTY AND VULNERABILITY



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When approaching a girl out of the blue, there is nothing wrong with your first line

stating your intentions – within a socially intelligent context.

For example, if you see a short petite beautiful blonde girl with bright blue eyes

walking down the street, you can open with “Hey, I just saw you and thought you

were absolutely gorgeous because xyz”. Whilst pulling this off correctly involves a

high level of non-verbal communication, it is about going in with a totally honest

approach. You are making it very clear that the reason you approached her is

because her looks are what attracted you to her.

This approach is going to be extremely polarizing and will inevitably push some

people away. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because if they walk away from a

situation after you have been honest, it was never going to work out. If you had kept

quiet, anything further would be based on misconceptions or fall apart later down

the track. Remember, this honest approach is an attractive quality and

demonstrates a lot of courage.

As I've explained in the previous 'Attraction' chapter, being honest is also about

standing up for the type of behaviour you expect from others and the ability to hold

true to your values without compromise.

If you have ever had to be brutally honest with someone you deeply care about, you

would be well aware that it is not an easy thing to do. Why? We don’t want to either

upset them, or get rejected.

Honesty requires vulnerability

Vulnerability is putting your balls on a chopping block, handing someone a hammer

and saying, “come at me bro”.

Vulnerability requires you to put yourself in a precarious position in which you may

be judged, rejected, or even offend someone.

Approaching a girl on the street, going for a number, going in for a kiss, being

honest about how you feel, knowing and admitting your faults; these are all

examples of vulnerability.




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Most importantly, vulnerability requires you to be your honest self and be happy

with who you are. As the old saying goes:

“You just need to be your self.”

We were all told this was the secret to dating from a very early age. Unfortunately,

due to the lack of understanding from everyone who said it, there was a huge lack

of context behind it, thus making it totally meaningless. Especially since you didn’t

really know who you were or what you stood for at an early age.

There are some traits that you have due to genetics, and others due to the

environment in which you have been raised in or are in currently. It’s a fact of life.

While there are things that we can always improve upon, it is vital to understand

that if there are qualities that you don’t like about yourself and you look at them

negatively, it is going to be a pretty hard thing to change.

What you resist persists.

What you hate you create.

Understand that no one is perfect and no one ever will be. You can always aim to

improve but you will never achieve perfection. To improve these things, you first

need to own your faults and fully accept them.

Being vulnerable is about knowing your own faults. Being a moron is ignoring them

and pretending you are perfect.

Vulnerability is not about opening up and telling your life story to prove that you are

a vulnerable guy. Doing this with the aim of impressing her or trying to win her over

is purely neediness.

Being vulnerable and opening up does not mean that you should be giving your life

story on the first date either. This sets off alarm bells to women, suggesting that you

have emotional baggage. It’s perfectly fine for her to know everything about you,

but let her find out as time goes on. Keep a bit of mystery. Not for the purpose of

playing games, but because should both be investing equal amounts in each other

at equal times. If that happens, it’s a very good sign things are going to turn out

well.



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Being vulnerable, despite common misconceptions, is a masculine trait. It does not

mean being overly emotional, but rather knowing your flaws and being able to admit

them, whilst putting in a conscious effort to improve on whatever those flaws may

be.

What you should look for is someone who wants you for you, unashamedly;

someone who adds value to your life and brings out the best in you. This does not

mean you should cease endeavouring to grow to be the best version of yourself.

Let's look at a personal example of mine where things went wrong due to a lack of

honesty, vulnerability and a blatant lack of compatibility.

Years ago when I was first studying and learning about the concepts of honesty and

vulnerability, I was dating a girl significantly younger than me. She was a stunning

blonde with the biggest blue eyes you’ve ever seen (apparently this is my type). She

was extremely artistic, open minded, open hearted, totally selfless and overall an

incredible human being.

We started dating before we got to know each other very well and ended up in a

relationship faster than we should have (hindsight is 20/20).

As the relationship progressed and both of our walls came down it became quite

apparent that we were, in fact, very different individuals. Our differences in interests

were never the issue, but rather our differences in the way we handled our

emotions.

I had learned to be fairly open about my emotions and any insecurity I had, but

when I did, she didn’t know how to handle it and was really put off. Nor would she

open up to me about what was going on inside her head when things were going on

in her life. As a result, I found myself becoming less and less open around her.

This dynamic continued and inevitably resulted in a complete breakdown in

communication in the relationship and led to its demise.

I had to be honest with myself that we weren’t compatible, and furthermore I had to

be honest with her about that. This certainly wasn’t easy on my behalf because she

was someone whom I cared deeply for despite our differences. In breaking up with

her, I had to be both honest and vulnerable in explaining how I felt. It was made




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worse by the fact that it was the first time I saw her cry, but the reality of it was, it

just wasn’t going to work.

The lack of honesty and vulnerability occurred on both our behalves and eventually

caused the end of the relationship.

Contrary to that experience, some of the best relationships or even flings I have had

were with women with whom I have been totally open and honest, and they have

given me the same in return. If for some reason one of us ended up on a differentpage from the other in terms of how we felt, we would open up, talk about it and

decide what to do from there.

At the end of the day, taking risks is an absolute necessity if you wish to move

forward and grow as a person. If we didn’t take risks, we would stay home in a giant

bubble wrap blanket and never talk to anyone. In reality, we take risks every day.

What we are talking about here are taking risks that effect our emotions or those of

others we care about, and this can be much more daunting.

You need to take risks to do what’s best for you. Have the balls to leave the girl that

you are in love if you know deep down she isn’t good for you. Take the risk of telling

that tall hot red head at the coffee shop that you think she’s stunning and you’d

love to find out more about her. Take the risk of being yourself on a first date even

though she may not like anything about the way you live your life.

Vulnerability is the opposite of ego. Vulnerability is the difference between high self-

esteem versus low self-esteem. Ego on the other hand is something that we all have

at some level and it’s ingrained deeply within us. It is something that we see

everywhere, especially in pick up artists.

As a mentor many years ago explained to me, ego is that little voice inside yourhead that tells you that you’re okay. It’s your subconscious defence mechanism.

When things are not going well in life, dating in particular, it leads us to thoughts like

“I’m awesome with women”, when in reality you haven’t had a quality date yet or a

non—psychopathic girlfriend in several years.



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Putting on a show and trying to impress women by talking yourself up, or by

pretending you have more money than you actually do, or bragging to your friends

about how many phone numbers you got on a night out even though none of them

have called back, are all examples of egotistical behaviour.

Don’t think that vulnerability is spilling your guts and telling a girl that you are

completely in love with her. This isn’t going to make her suddenly want to be with

you. Life doesn’t work like that.

It took vulnerability for me to admit that I was useless with women. I would have

had more chance of being struck by lightning twice on the same day as winning the

lottery than I would get the number of a girl who I had just met.

Decide what you really want and go for it. If you want to approach a girl because

she is stunning, then pick your balls up and do it. Tell her why you approached her.

If it’s because she looks amazing in that dress, say it. This is being brutally honest,it takes vulnerability because she might not be the slightest bit interested and it is

extremely polarizing.

Honesty is being aware of how you feel & expressing it; vulnerability is having the

balls to express that in spite of fear of rejection or failure.

Be yourself, unashamedly and unconditionally. You have to live with yourself every

second for the rest of your life, so you may as well start building your self esteem

and love yourself.

Although you can still end up in a relationship or possibly even sleep with a few

women while you actively do nothing with your life and put on an act to trick women

into liking you, it is not going attract highly attractive women who are going to add

value to your life.

Most importantly, drop the ego; not just for the sake of being better with women but

for yourself. It’s the opposite of honesty and vulnerability.

REJECTION




21

We’ve all been rejected at one point or another, whether it is by a girl we’ve just met

or someone we care about. If you haven’t been rejected, you have probably never

left your bedroom.

There are times where it can really hurt, especially if it’s by someone we love. This

can be caused by their losing interest, cheating on you or by simply not giving you a

chance in the first place.

Rejection is not as scary as it is made out to be, provided we look at it the rightway.

One of the worst rejections I have ever had was when I was at McDonalds grabbing

a quick snack. I saw a beautiful brunette sitting by herself while the place was fairly

busy. After getting my order, I decided to approach her.

I walked up to her feeling confident as hell and said something along the lines of

“Hey, I’m Adam” – nothing direct, intimidating or even bullshit. But her response I

will never forget.

“FUCK… OFF!!!!”

It was so loud that the whole place went silent and everyone started looking at me. I

didn’t even have a chance to sit down. I had no idea how to handle it. So many

things went through my head but I was in such shock from getting a reaction like

that that I didn’t even know what to say. So I walked off with my tail between my

legs and tried to pretend that nothing ever happened.

It sucked, to say the least. It’s fair to say I was pretty embarrassed. Now every

person that was there probably had his or her own opinions of what had happened,

but I realized that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought.

How I approached her, what I had said, what I was wearing, and so on would have

made little difference in this scenario. The reality of it is, that she was either in the

world’s worst mood or she was an extremely miserable person, especially to treat a

complete stranger like that. Don’t get me wrong, if I had been harassing her for

ages or had done something rude, it would be understandable. Yet the reality of it

was, I had done nothing but say hello. I would never want to date or sleep with a

person who treats people like that.



THE EASY WAY

22

When you approach a girl and she either walks away or says something in an

attempt to get you to leave, there is usually one of two (or both) things going on.

1. She is purely not interested in you.

Not matter how well you approach or how good your game is, there will

always be people that just aren’t attracted to you. It is a fact of life that is

completely unavoidable.

2. She isn’t in the right state of mind.

There is no way you will ever really know what’s going on inside the head of

someone else. She might have had a bad day, she might be stressed out or a

truck might have just hit her mum.

It is absolutely vital that you understand that you cannot FORCE someone to likeyou. No matter what marketing you see, or what people try to convince you, it is

absolutely impossible to trick someone into liking you for who you truly are. All you

can do is give yourself the best opportunity by being the best person you can be,

being honest and being vulnerable (we’ll get to that soon).

As attractive as you may be, you still don’t have full control over the situation. Girls

will turn you down all the time. This doesn’t mean there is anything ‘wrong’ with

you. Despite any flaws you may have, if someone is compatible with you, those

flaws won’t be an issue. Never take rejection as a personal attack on you.

Place a higher importance of your self than on someone else.

Having high self esteem and putting your own wants and needs above others

opinions is going to significantly help the way you feel about someone turning you

down. If you have a great group of friends, love your job and live a happy and fun

lifestyle, does it really matter what a girl, who you know nothing about, thinks of

you? Absolutely not.




23

Let’s face it; the best stories come from rejection. It either goes well, or you have a

hilarious story to tell your friends. Provided you keep a positive attitude about

rejection or being turned down, it can only make you stronger. If you fall into the

trap of internalising a bad response and you take personally, it will affect your self-

esteem. Mentality is everything.

An objection does not mean rejection.

There will be times when you get turned down not because they aren’t interested,but because there are other factors going on. There have been hundreds of times

that I’ve gone for a phone number, first kiss or sex and been turned down. This

doesn’t mean that they won’t want to at a later stage. They may just not be ready to

take that leap of faith and invest in you yet. Every girl is different and depending on

the individual, it may take a longer time before she’s willing to open herself up to

you.

This is most evident when you first approach someone. People generally have their

guard up because you are a stranger, they don’t know your intentions and

potentially hundreds of other reasons.

If you don’t get a positive response or she isn’t jumping at the chance to find out

about you, it’s not necessarily your fault. While there may be factors such as you

having bad breath or something similar, it’s far more likely that she has her guard up

because of the circumstances of the situation.

The best way to overcome this is to learn to be comfortable with any initial

awkwardness and give her a chance to relax and open up. There’s no need to run

away with your tail between your legs if it doesn’t all go perfectly within the first 30

seconds. The same applies to dating. Some women can take a few dates before

they are really willing to open up.

An important factor in the back of women’s minds is safety, and trust is something

that we need as human beings. If you demonstrate a behavior which indicates to

her that she can’t be vulnerable around you, attraction will die very quickly. So if

you don’t react well when she doesn’t sleep with you on the first date, she’s not

going to feel safe around you.



THE EASY WAY

24

As a personal example: I had gone on a date with a beautiful blonde girl I had met a

few days earlier through a friend. We started off having a few drinks at a bar on the

river, and then went to the roof of my apartment building, kissed for a while, and

then I took her back inside to my bedroom.

Things started getting pretty heated until she said, “I don’t know if I’m ready to

sleep with you yet”. I was completely alright with that. Things got heated for a while,

and then we called it quits for the night. The next time I saw her, she knew she

could feel safe around me and was clearly much more comfortable, and ready totake things further.

Even though rejection can be something over which you have no control, by no

means should you become narcissistic about it and claim that it is always someone

else’s fault. You still need to take responsibility over the things you do have control

over, such as your ability to handle rejection, and have a desire to be the best

person that you can be.

Confidence isn't about being so amazing that you will never be turned down, but

rather about having the ability to move forward from rejection and not let it change

the way you feel about yourself.

Rejection can be painful, so learn to look at it from a positive perspective. Learn to

deal with the discomfort and your confidence will soar.

Become comfortable with being uncomfortable.




25

If you’re not having fun, what’s the point?

Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is not easy. If it is, you are not

pushing yourself enough. With that said, it does not mean you can’t enjoy the

process.

The difference is in your mentality.

The way you perceive a situation will shape what inevitably happens. If you only

focus on the parts that scare you, it’s going to be a pretty average experience, yet if

you focus on the fact that you are doing something awesome for your confidence

and go in thinking “yes, it might be scary, but I can’t wait to try it and see what

happens” the ride is going to be much more enjoyable.

Safety is always the easy option, but there is a lot more fun to be had in taking risks.

The risk doesn’t need to be big; it might be as simple as going in for a first kiss orasking for a phone number. You may well get turned down, or it might go better

than expected, but not knowing what will happen is half the fun.

When you are enjoying something, your mind frees up cognitive space to think and

do more than panic and wonder what to say next.

Conversation, flirtatious behavior, sexual escalation and everything else will flow a

million times easier when you’re having fun, because when you’re having fun, you’re

relaxed.

The good thing about the human brain is that it cannot truly feel two opposing

emotions at exactly the same time, so if you’re having fun and you’re relaxed, it’s

hard to be nervous at the same time – and vice versa.

Learn to embrace the nervousness. Once you acknowledge that it is there, and stop

fighting it, it will usually subside.

HAVING FUN



THE EASY WAY

26

The same applies to the feeling of awkwardness. Chances are that at some stage

things will get awkward. Whether it is through rejection, or one of you says

something totally out of place.

Being able to handle awkwardness and social tension is an extremely attractive

quality as it shows huge amounts of confidence. Handling social tension and being

able to deal with silence can give the woman you are talking to the chance to start

investing in the conversation, as most of the time they won’t be able to handle that

tension and will talk just to fill the silence.

The more relaxed you are in the interaction, the more relaxed she will feel. As a

result, she is far more likely to invest and want to get to know more about you.

Play with this idea, have fun and laugh at the situation when it gets awkward. You

will be amazed at how easily a situation can be turned around when you’re both

laughing at it.

We learn things extremely quickly when we first start something new. However,

there will be a time when you reach a learning plateau. Everyone does and there is

no way of avoiding it.

Do not become frustrated by this. All that will do is make you feel like shit and the

second that happens, you’ll start going backwards.

The best thing you can do is change the way you go about things; mix it up a bit.

If you’ve been trying to meet girls during the day, try doing it at night instead.

Perhaps even step back from it completely and focus more on yourself and building

a lifestyle that’s going to make you happier on the whole, then go back in bigger,

stronger and ready to kick ass.Having fun isn’t all about dating though. Fun should be a part of your every day life.

Do not fall into the trap of doing things in life that are designed to impress or please

others. This is exceptionally needy behavior and will put people off very quickly

when they see through the façade. This is the sort of thing people do when they are

“trying too hard”.





THE EASY WAY

28

You need both something to strive towards, and the ability to be happy in the

present, and appreciate the process.

With an understanding of what you want and being happy with where you are, it is

then up to you to set goals to reach your ideal lifestyle.

Chances are you won’t get that million-dollar penthouse overlooking the ocean

within the year, so make them realistic, achievable and make yourself accountable

to them. It’s important that you understand that only your motivation and takingaction will help you reach your goals.

Once, I got into an argument with a psychology professor whom I used to know well

and debate with from time to time. We got discussing what it means to be happy.

My first response was “to lie on your death bed and have no regrets”. Initially she

laughed and said that no one dies without regrets. I think that’s crap. I want you to

lie on your deathbed and not have any regrets, but to be able to think:

“Wow, my life was fucking awesome!”




29

Attraction is fairly complex subject on a neurological level but it is not something of

which you need a deep understanding. What is vital is that you be the best person

you can be.

Being an attractive person is not about playing games or manipulating people. You

need to be happy with who you are before you will be truly happy with anyone else.

It all starts with building your self-esteem and being the best person that you can

be.

While you can never ‘make’ someone become attracted to you, because not

everyone is compatible, by being the best person you can be you are setting

yourself up for the best chance. Put more focus on building a lifestyle that makes

you happy as an individual rather than one that is designed to impress people.

Aim to be the best person you can be for your own sake, not for anyone else’s. This

will make you significantly more attractive than any line or quick fix will.

Honesty and vulnerability is the key to building solid attraction. Be honest with

yourself, your intentions and never pretend to be someone you are not. Opening

yourself up to rejection is the secret to vulnerability. This takes a lot of courage and

is extremely polarizing.

We all have qualities that are both desirable and less desirable; it is part of being

human. This doesn’t mean you should not work on improving things. Don’t just be

yourself, but be your best self.

Rejection. Yep, it’s going to happen, get used to it. It is a natural part of life and it’s

going to easily sort out with whom you are and are not compatible.

It comes down to how you deal with it. With the right mentality and realizing that it is

not actually a big deal, your anxiety levels will drop significantly and talking to and

dating women will become a whole lot easier.

CONCLUSION



THE EASY WAY

30

We all make mistakes in life and we will all continue to make them. What is

important is that you learn from it and do your best not to make the same mistake

again.

Stepping outside of that nice warm and cozy safety bubble that we call our comfort

zone can be scary. If it’s not scary, you haven’t really left it. That doesn’t mean you

can’t enjoy stepping outside of your comfort zone. Think of it as going on a ghost

tour. You know you’ll shit yourself, but love every minute of it.

Taking risks is what makes life exciting – embrace whatever happens. Things won’t

always go well, but you still have control over where you put your focus. If things go

well, celebrate it. If things don’t, celebrate the fact that you took a risk.

Having one-night stands, dating, or relationships should not be a giant pissing

contest based on who has slept with the most or the hottest women. This

egotistical behavior won’t get you far.

If you can pick up the hottest girl in the club, that is all well and good, but when she

leaves in the morning and won’t call you back because you have nothing else going

for you, you are back to square one.

Dating should not be about “how I can get this girl to like me?” but is she going to

add value to my life and can I add value to hers?

Where you go from here and what you do with this information is purely up to you.

Anyone can improve and change their lives but it needs to be a conscious choice.

There is no shame in asking for direction. Even though I’ve been coaching for over

four years, I still seek guidance from other coaches with whom I work, friends,

mentors, and so on. No matter where you are in life, there is always room forimprovement.




31

I want everyone that reads this to get to a point where you are able to be the most

attractive person you can be, be honest and vulnerable, handle rejection no matter

how bad it may seem, and have an absolute bucket load of fun along the way.

I can give you the best information in the world but at the end of the day, you are

the one that has to use the knowledge you take away from this.

So what did you take away from this eBook and what are you going to do with it?



The Easy Way – Four Fundamen-

tal Steps to Drastically Improve Your

Dating

An introductory eBook that covers

four critical pillars that are going to

bring the easiest, yet most dramatic

changes to the way in which you go

about meeting women, dating and

building awesome relationships. With

so much advice out there that is of-

ten either wrong or contradictory, it is

easy to be misguided and end up no

better off than you started. This eB-

ook goes about breakings down how

most of what is being taught is wrong,

and what you can do that is right.

INSIDE

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