Managing Conflict with Assertiveness

Managing Conflict with Assertiveness

Stephanie Dean, LPC-MHSP, CEAPAssistant Manager

Work/Life Connections EAP

The Truth about

Conflict Conflict is “ok” - natural and inevitable. Conflict often makes people uncomfortable and

defensive. Unresolved conflict can do significant harm to

relationships. Conflict needs to be addressed. There is no one “best” way to deal with every

conflict. We can limit opportunity for conflict escalation by

engaging each other in an open, respectful way.

Constructive vs.

Destructive ConflictStrengthens relationships and teamsEncourages open communicationDeals with real issuesCalms & puts focus on resultsSupports a respectful workplaceFacilitates openness and permission for service recovery

Damages relationshipsResults in defensivenessWastes time & resourcesFocuses on blameCan be loud or hostileResults in employee and patient dissatisfactionMissed opportunities for improvement

Conflict Management Styles

Accommodating Avoiding Competing Compromising Collaborating

So What’s Your Type?

What Factors Affect Your Style?

Gender Self-Concept Expectations Situation Position (Power) Practice Life Experience Communication Skills

Assertiveness

Assertive behavior promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably, to exercise personal rights without denying the rights of others.

(Alberti, 2001)

Non-assertive behavior

Aggressive Behavior

It’s Not What You Say

It’s How You Say It

Eye contact Body Posture Physical Distance Gestures Facial Expressions Voice tone, volume Fluency Listening

Thinking Persistence Content “I

messages” Timing Target Audience

A warm smile A firm handshake Use positive statements:

Thank you I like what you did. I can tell you worked hard on this project. I’m glad to see you.

Reaching out Positively

Reaching out

Positively Give and receive

compliments Apologize

The central point of effective anger expression should be to achieve some resolution to the problem that caused the anger. Some strategies to cope include: You are responsible for your feelings Anger and aggression are not the same thing Get to know your “buttons.” Develop and practice coping strategies:

exercise, rest, relax, hobbies, etc. Pick your battles

Dealing with Anger

Assertiveness and

angerIf you decide to take action: Verbally express concern State your feelings

directly Stick to specifics of the

present situation Work toward resolution

Deciding when to be

assertive What really happened? How much does it

matter? How important is the

relationship? Can I get what I want? Do I just want to express

myself? What are your options? Can I get a positive

outcome?

Do I have the skills? Do I have the energy? Have I counted to ten? Would it be better to

wait? What will happen if I do

nothing? Will I be upset if you

don’t? What are the risks?

Benefits? Consequences?

What about work?

Be honest and avoid playing games

Listen (especially if you disagree)

Wait before responding angrily.

Express opinions, but know that others may not agree.

Accept responsibility for your mistakes

How would it feel to be in the other person’s shoes?

Timing

Assertiveness and Common

Sense Assertiveness is not

about “getting your way.”

Be yourself Persistent, not a pest Practice, but never

perfect Take care of yourself

Observe your own behavior and emotions. Set a realistic goal. Pick a situation. Observe an effective model. Imagine yourself handling the situation.

One Step at a Time

Communicating Cooperation

University of Colorado researchers have documented behaviors that generally elicit cooperation:

Avoid assumptions Acknowledge the other party’s perceptions whenever

possible Acknowledge any responsibility you have Indicating the other party “has a good point” (if they do) Identify any areas of agreement Make appropriate eye contact Active Listening

“I” statements rather than “you” statements Reflection

During times of higher stress, some people need additional

resources.

Medical Arts Building Suite 018936-1327