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ContentsPart1MisadventureAToast!XsandOsADangerousRecipeJustFriendsWhenIgnoranceIsBlissHeartontheLineSeaofStrangersArtandBooks
AVoyageAThank-YouNoteAnEndearingTraitHisWordAWell-DressedManAStrangerWallflowerRollercoasterHisCauseandEffectLostandFound
AfraidtoLoveTheWandererPart2TheCircusofSorrowsCircusTownATimelineInTwoPartsABadDayRoguePlanetsClosure
AQuestionAWayOutLostThingsABetrayalAfterYouAReverieLettingHimGoTheThingsWeHideLoveLostTimeTravelers
ASmallConsolationAnImpossibleTaskTheKeeperSadSongsJealousyWakingwithoutYouThatDayTheGirlHeLovesALover'sPastBeauty'sCurse
DeadButterfliesWishfulThinkingAHeavyHeartSavingYouAnAnswerSwanSongPart3LoveFirstLoveHeandISundayswithMichael
MorningswithYouSoulMatesAFairyTaleAlwaysADreamBeforeThereWasYouBeautifulAllorNothingSomeTimeOutSouls
SoloShowTheFearofLosingYouEbbandFlowWritteninTrafficAngelsGoldenCageLoveLettersCodependencyCanyonsATimeCapsule
ForMichaelThehalfofthisbook—thewholeofmyheart.
ADedication
Shelendsherpen,tothoughtsofhim,thatflowfromit,inhersolitary.
Forsheishispoet,Andheisherpoetry.
Part1Misadventure
AToast!
Tonewbeginnings,infearandfaithandallittinges.
Toloveisadare,
whenhopeanddespair,
aregatesuponithinges.
XsandOs
Loveisagameoftic-tac-toe,constantlywaiting,forthenextxoro.
ADangerousRecipe
Tolovehimissomething,Iholdhighly
suspicious.
Likehavingsomething,soverydelicious—thenbeingtold,todothedishes.
JustFriends
IknowthatIdon'townyou,
andperhapsIneverwill,
somyangerwhenyou'rewithher,
Ihavenorighttofeel.
Iknowthatyoudon'toweme,
andIshouldn'taskformore;
Ishouldn'tfeelsoletdown,
allthetimeswhenyou
don'tcall.
WhatIfeel—Ishouldn'tshowyou,
sowhenyou'rearoundIwon't;
IknowI'venorighttofeelit
butitdoesn'tmeanIdon't.
WhenIgnoranceIsBliss
Ideplore,beingignored.
For—
Iamnotabore!
Butit'sperplexinglysweet,
andquitesexytoo—tobeignored,ignoredbyyou.
HeartontheLine
Loveisgood,itisneverbad—butitwilldriveyou
mad!
Whenitisgiventoyou,indribsanddrabs.
SeaofStrangers
Inaseaofstrangers,you'velongedtoknowme.
Yourlifespentsailing
tomyshores.
Thearmsthatyearntosomedayholdme,willachebeneaththeheavyoars.
Pleasetakeyourtimeandtakeitslowly;asallyoudowillrunitscourse.
Andnothingelsecantakewhatonly—wasalwaysmeantassolelyyours.
ArtandBooks
Withoutadoubt,Imustread,allthebooksI'vereadabout.
Seetheartworkshungonhooks,thatIhaveonly,seeninbooks.
AVoyage
Tobeguidednormisguidedinlove,norbrokenhearted.
Buttosailinwaters—uncharted.
AThank-YouNote
YouhavesaidallthethingsIneedtohear
beforeIknewIneededtohearthem.
TobeunafraidofallthethingsIusedtofear,beforeIknewIshouldn'tfearthem.
AnEndearingTrait
Thescatterbrain,isalittlelike,thepatterofrain.
Neitherhere,northere,buteverywhere.
HisWord
Iamnot,justanotchonhisbelt.
Whathefeelsforme,
he'sneverfelt.
Iamawordhehasheardbuthasneverseenforhimself.
Yethewantstoknow,howthatwordisspelt.
AWell-DressedMan
Hischarmwilldisarm;hissmile,
instyle;hisfashion,inpassion;hiswords,hisflirt,histiefromhisshirt,tomywrists—hiskiss!hiskiss!
hiskiss!
AStranger
ThereisaloveIreminisce,
likeaseedI'veneversown.
OflipsthatIamyettokiss,
andeyesnotmetmyown.
Handsthatwraparoundmywrists,
andarmsthatfeellikehome.
IwonderhowitisImiss,
thesethingsI'veneverknown.
Wallflower
Shrinkinginacorner,pressedintothewall;dotheyknowI'mpresent,
amIhereatall?
Isthereawrittenrulebook,
thattellsyouhowtobe—
alltherightthingstotalkabout—
thateveryonehasbutme?
SlowlyIamwithering—aflowerdeprivedofsun;
longingtobelongto—somewhereorsomeone.
ARollercoaster
Youwillfindhiminmyhighsandlows;inmymind,he'lltoandfro.
He'sthetallestperson,thatIknow—andsohekeepsme,onmytoes.
HisCauseandEffect
Hemakesmeturn,hemakesmetoss;hiswordsmeanmine
areataloss.
Hemakesmeblush!
Hemakesmewanttobrushandfloss.
LostandFound
Asunkenchest,ontheoceanground,toneverbefoundwaswherehefound
me.
Therehestirred,myeverythought,myeveryword,sogently,soprofoundly.
NowIamkept,fromdreamsIdreamt,
whenonceIslept,sosoundly.
AfraidtoLove
Iturnawayandclosemyheart—tothepromiseoflovethatisluring.
Forthepasthastaughttonotbecaught,inwhatisnotworthpursuing—
ToneverdothethingsI'vedonethatoncehadledtomyundoing.
TheWanderer
Whatisshelike?Iwastold—sheisamelancholysoul.
Sheislikethesuntonight;amomentarygold.
Astarwhendimmedbydawninglight;theflickerofacandleblown.
Alonelykitelostinflight—
someoneoncehadflown.
Part2TheCircusof
Sorrows
CircusTown
Fromacitysobrighttoastrangelittletown;
onacarousel
spinning,aroundandaround.
Thedizzyingheight,ofthestarsfromtheground.
Theworldallalight—withhissights,hissounds.
ATimeline
YouandIagainstarule,setforusbytime.
Amarkerdrawn
toshowourend,etchedintoitsline.
Thebriefestmomentsharedwithyou—thelongestonmymind.
InTwoParts
Youcomeandgosoeasily,
yourlifeisasyouknew—
whilemineissplitintwo.
HowIenvysothehalfofme,
wholivedbeforelove'sdue,
whowasyettoknowofyou.
ABadDay
Whenthoughtsofallbutone,
arethoseIamkeeping.
Whensorethoughthereisnone,
forwhomIamweeping.
Acurtaindrawnbeforethesun,
andIwishtogoonsleeping.
RoguePlanets
As a kid, I would countbackwards from ten andimagine at one, therewould be an explosion—perhaps caused by arogue planet crashingintoEarthor someothermajor catastrophe. Whennothing happened, I'd
feel relieved and at thesame time, a littledisappointed.Ithinkofyouatten;thefirsttimeIsawyou.Yoursmile at nine and how itlit up something insideme I had thought longdead. Your lips at eightpressed against mine and
at seven, your warmbreathinmyearandyourhands everywhere. Youtellmeyoulovemeatsixand at five we have ourfirstrealfight.Atfourwehave our second andthree, our third. At twoyou tell me you can't goonanylongerandthenat
one,youaskmetostay.And I am relieved, sorelieved—and a littledisappointed.
Closure
Liketimesuspended,awoundunmended—youandI.
Wehadnoending,
nosaidgood-bye.
Forallmylife,I'llwonderwhy.
AQuestion
It was a question I hadwornonmylipsfordays—likea loosethreadonmyfavorite sweater Icouldn't resist pulling—despite knowing it couldallunravelaroundme.
“Doyouloveme?”Iask.
In your hesitation Ifoundmyanswer.
AWayOut
Doyouknowwhatitislike,
tolieinbedawake;withthoughtsto
hauntyoueverynight,ofallyourpastmistakes.
Knowingsleepwillsetitright—
ifyouwerenottowake.
LostThings
Do you know whenyou've lost something—likeyourfavoriteT-shirtorasetofkeys—andwhilelooking for it, you comeacrosssomethingelseyouonce missed but havelong since forgotten?Well whatever it was,
there was a point whereyou decided to stopsearching,maybebecauseitwasno longer requiredoranewreplacementwasfound.It isalmostas if itnever existed in the firstplace—until that momentof rediscovery, a flash ofrecognition.
Everyone has one—aninventory of lost thingswaiting to be found.Yearning to beacknowledged for theworth they once held inyourlife.I think this is where Ibelong—among all yourother lost things. A
crumpled note at thebottomofadraweroranold photograph pressedbetween the pages of abook. I hope somedayyou will find me andremember what I oncemeanttoyou.
ABetrayal
IcannotundowhatIhavedone;Ican'tun-singasongthat'ssung.
Andthesaddestthingaboutmyregret—
Ican'tforgiveme,andyoucan'tforget.
AfterYou
IfIwroteitinabook,couldIshelveit?
IfItoldofwhatyoutook,
wouldthathelpit?
IfIwillit,canIun-feelit,nowI'vefeltit?
AReverie
Adustyroom,awindowchair,unseeingeyesthatgazeinto
themontageofaloveaffair.
Acarouselofmemories,spinningroundintoablur.
Hermindisnowafairgroundride—shewondersif
youthinkofher.
LettingHimGo
Thereisaparticularkindof suffering to beexperienced when youlove something greaterthan yourself. A tendersacrifice.Like the pained silencefelt in the lost song of amermaid;orthebentand
broken feet of a dancingballerina. It is in everyconsidered step I amtaking in the oppositedirectionofyou.
TheThingsWeHide
Andso,Ihaveputawaythephotographs,
everytraceofyouIknow.
Thethingsthatseemtomatterless,aretheonesweputonshow.
LoveLost
Thereisonewhoyoubelongto,
whoselove—thereisnosongfor.
Andthoughyouknowit'swrongful,
thereissomeoneelseyoulongfor.
Yourheartwasonceavessel,
itwasfilleduptothebrim;
untilthedayheleftyou,
noweverythingsingsofhim.
Ofthetwowhocametoloveyou,
toone,yourheartyougave.
Helivesinstarsaboveyou—
inthelovewhocameandstayed.
TimeTravelers
Inallourwrongs,Iwanttowritehim,inatimewhereIcanfindhim.
Beforethetearsthattoreus.
Whenourhistorywasbeforeus.
ASmallConsolation
Everythingthatweoncewere,
isnowasadand
lonelyverse.
WhenonceIhadsomuchtosay,
Iamnowbereftofwords.
Sometimesitistheorderofthings,
thatmakethemseemmuchworse.
It'snotasifyouwouldhavestayed,
ifIhadn'tleftyoufirst.
AnImpossibleTask
Totryoruntrytoforgetyounot,
mayberelatedsomewhat—
Totying,thentryingtountie,acomplicatedknot.
TheKeeper
Youwerelikeadream,IwishIhadn'tsleptthrough.
WithinitIfelldeeper,
thanyourheartwouldcaretoletyou.
Ithoughtyouwereakeeper,
IwishIcouldhavekeptyou.
SadSongs
Oncetherewasaboywhocouldn'tspeakbutowneda music box that heldevery song in all theworld.One day hemet agirlwho had never hearda single melody in herentire life and so he
played her his favoritesong. He watched whileher face lit up withwonderasthemusicfilledtheskyandthepoetryoflyricsmovedher inawayshehadneverfeltbefore.He would play his songsforherday afterday andshe would sit by him
quietly—neverseemingtomind that he could onlyspeak to her throughsong. She lovedeverything he played forher, but of them all—sheloved the sad songs best.Sohebegantoplaythemmore and more untileventually, sad songs
wereallshewouldhear.One day, he noticed ithadbeenaverylongtimesinceherlastsmile.Whenhe asked her why, shetook both his hands inhers and kissed themwarmly.She thankedhimfor his gift of music andpoetrybutaboveallelse—
for showing her sadnessbecause she had knownneither of these thingsbefore him. But it wasnow time for her to goaway—to find someonewhocouldshowherwhathappinesswas.................................................
Do you remember thesongthatwasplayingthenightwemet?No, but I rememberevery song I have heardsinceyouleft.
Jealousy
Itwasthewayyouspokeabouther.
Withanimosity,regret,disdain
andunderneathitall—justahintofpride.
WakingwithoutYou
Everysongthatsingsofhim,
fromeveryheart
heardbreaking.
Isingalongindreamsofhim,
Iclingto—whenIstartwaking.
ThatDay
Irememberourhighsinhues,
likethecolorofhiseyes
asthesunwassetting;thepaleofhishandsinmine,
andtheblueofhissmile.
Irememberoursorrowsinshades,
likethegrayoftheshadows,
whichloomedthat
day,andthewhiteinhisliewhenhepromisedtostay.
TheGirlHeLoves
TherewasamanwhoIonceknew,
formetherewasno
other.Theclosertolovingmehegrew,
themorehewouldgrowfurther.
Itriedtolovehimashisfriend,
thentolovehimashislover;
butheneverlovedme
intheend—hisheartwasforanother.
ALover'sPast
Theturbulentturnsandthetidesthattwistthem.
Whenwhattheyonce
were,washowshehadwishedthem.
Andallthejoyshebroughther,
howshecouldlistthem.
Intimeshewilllearn,notto
missthem.
Beauty'sCurse
Herbowisdrawntoworldsofdark;wherearrowsspringandmisstheirmark.
She'llturntheirheads—butnottheirhearts.
DeadButterflies
I sometimes think aboutthe fragility of glass—ofbroken shards tearingagainstsoftskin.Whenintruth, it is thetransparency that killsyou. The pain of seeingthrough to somethingyou can never quite
touch.ForyearsI'vekeptyouinsecret, behind a glassscreen. I've watchedhelplessly as day afterday, your new girlfriendbecomes your wife andthen later, themother ofyour children. Thenrealizing the irony in
thinking you were theone under glass when infact it has been me—apinned butterfly—staticand unmoving, watchingwhile your other lifeunfolds.
WishfulThinking
Yousaythatyouareoverme,
myheart—itskips,
itsinks.
Iseeyounowwithsomeonenew,
Istare,Istare,Iblink.
SomedayI'llbeoveryou,Iknow,Iknow—
Ithink.
AHeavyHeart
Allyouhavedone,Ihadhopedtopardon.
Whenthedeathoflove
wasslowforme—foryouwassudden.
Nowtheyearsgoby,andmyhearthashardened.
SavingYou
Thedarknesstakeshimover,
thesicknesspullshimin;
hiseyes—ablown-outcandle;
Iwishtogowithhim.
SometimesIseeaflicker—
alightthatshonefromthem;
Iholdhimtometightly,
beforehe'sgone
again.
AnAnswer
Tochoosefromthereweremany;amongthem,thereweresome.
AndofthoseIlovedyou,morethanany—butnotasmuchasone.
SwanSong
Herheartisplayedlikewell-wornstrings;
inhereyes,
thesadnesssings—ofonewhowasdestined
forbetterthings.
Part3Love
FirstLove
BeforeIfellinlovewithwords,withsettingskiesandsingingbirds—
itwasyouIfellinlovewithfirst.
HeandI
Whenwordsrundry,hedoesnottry,nordoI.
Weareonpar.
Hejustis,Ijustam,andwejustare.
SundayswithMichael
Iholdmybreathandcounttoten,
Istandandsit,then
standagain.Icrossandthenuncrossmylegs,
theplanesareflyingoverhead.
Thedialturnswitheverytwist,
aroundthewatch,aroundhiswrist.
Restingtherewith
peninhand,whocouldeverunderstand?
ThewayhewritesofallIdream,
thingskindyetcruelandin-between,
whereunderneaththosetwistedtrees,
aprettygirlfallento
herknees.
Whocouldknowtheworldwe'vespun?
Ishrugmyshouldersandholdmytongue.
Iholdmybreathandcounttoten,
Istandandsit,thenstandagain.
MorningswithYou
Islowlywakeasdayisdawning,tofingertips
andlipsimploring.
Thesheetsagainstmyskin,
hesays,likewrappingpaperonChristmasmorning.
SoulMates
Idon'tknowhowyouaresofamiliar tome—orwhyit feels less like I amgetting to know you andmore as though I amremembering who youare. How every smile,every whisper brings mecloser to the impossible
conclusion that I haveknownyoubefore,Ihaveloved you before—inanother time, a differentplace—some otherexistence.
AFairyTale
Startofspring;heartinbloom;ourwhisperingsinsunlitrooms.
Summerwasfeltalittlemore;inautumnIbegantofall.
Whenwintercamewithallitswhite,youwereminetokissgoodnight.
Always
Youwereyou,andIwasI;weweretwobeforeourtime.
IwasyoursbeforeIknew,andyouhavealwaysbeenminetoo.
ADream
As the Earth beganspinningfasterandfaster,we floated upwards,hands locked tightlytogether, eyes sad andbewildered. We watchedasourfacesgrewyoungerand realized the Earthwas spinning in reverse,
moving us backwards intime.Thenwe reached a pointwhere I no longer knewwho you were and I wasgrasping the hands of astranger. But I didn't letgo.Andneitherdidyou........................................
I had my first dreamaboutyoulastnight.Really? She smiles.Whatwasitabout?Idon'trememberexactly,but thewhole time Iwasdreaming, I knew youweremine.
BeforeThereWasYou
WhenIusedtolookabove,
allIsawwassky;
andeverysongthatIwouldsing,Isungnotknowingwhy.
AllIthoughtandallIfelt,
wasonlyjustbecause,neverwasiteveryou—untilitwasalltherewas.
Beautiful
Yourhandreachesformine.
Wekisstentatively,passionately
andthen,tenderly.
Youbrushmyhairawayfrommyface.
“You'rebeautiful.”Iwrinklemynoseinprotest.
“Youare.”
AllorNothing
Ifyoulovemeforwhatyousee,onlyyoureyeswouldbe
inlovewithme.
Ifyoulovemeforwhatyou'veheard,thenyouwouldloveme
formywords.
Ifyoulovemyheartandmind,thenyouwouldlove
me,forallthatI'm.
Butifyoudon'tlovemyeveryflaw,thenyoumustn'tloveme—
notatall.
SomeTimeOut
Thetimemaynotbeprimeforus,thoughyouareaspecialperson.
Wemaybejusttwodifferentclocks,thatdonottock,inunison.
Souls
When two souls fall inlove,thereisnothingelsebut the yearning to beclose to the other. Thepresence that is feltthrough a hand held, avoice heard, or a smileseen.Souls do not have
calendars or clocks, nordo they understand thenotion of time ordistance.Theyonlyknowit feels right to be withoneanother.This is the reason whyyou miss someone somuch when they are notthere—even if they are
only in the very nextroom. Your soul onlyfeels their absence—itdoesn't realize theseparationistemporary........................................CanIaskyousomething?Anything.Why is it every time we
say good night, it feelslikegood-bye?
SoloShow
Hepullsthethickwoolensweater
up,overmyhead.
Littlesparksofstatic
danceacrossmyskin.
Doesithurt?Hesays,runninghishands
gentlyovermywarmbody.
Itisyourownlittlefireworksshow,
Iwhisper.
TheFearofLosingYou
Withoutmeaningto,he'sdisarmedme,withkissesthatsoothe
andalarmme.
Inarmsthatterrifyandcalmme.
EbbandFlow
Sheyearnstolearnhowhistideisturned,tounderstandeachgrainofsand,
heknows.
Tomoveinrhythm,withhisebbandflow.
WritteninTraffic
Aquietgladness,inthebusysadness;insidethefinaltussle,
ofloveanditsmadness.
Itsgoodnessandbadness,itshustleandbustle.
Angels
It happens like this.Oneday you meet someoneandforsomeinexplicablereason, you feel moreconnectedtothisstrangerthan anyone else—closertothemthanyourclosestfamily. Perhaps becausethis person carries an
angel within them—onesent to you for somehigher purpose, to teachyou an important lessonor to keep you safeduring a perilous time.Whatyoumustdoistrustin them—even if theycome hand in hand withpain or suffering—the
reason for their presencewill become clear in duetime.Thoughhereisawordofwarning—you may growto love this person butremember they are notyours to keep. Theirpurpose isn't to save youbut to show you how to
save yourself. And oncethis is fulfilled, the halolifts and the angel leavestheir body as the personexits your life. They willbeastrangertoyouoncemore........................................It's so dark right now, I
can'tseeanylightaroundme.That'sbecausethelightiscoming from you. Youcan't see it but everyoneelsecan.
GoldenCage
Abirdwhohurtherwing,nowforgottenhowtofly.
Asongsheusedtosing,
butcan'trememberwhy.
Abreathshecaughtandkept—
thatleftherinasigh.
Ithurtshersotoloveyou,
butshewon'tsaygood-bye.
LoveLetters
Everyletterthatshetypes,everykeystrokethatshestrikes—
Tospellyournameagainandagain—isallsheeverwantstowrite.
Codependency
Thereisnothingmorenice,
thereisnothingmuchworser;
thanmeasyourviceandyouasmyversa.
Canyons
Rarely do the words Ilove you precede aquestionmark—but it is aquestion nonetheless andyour answer to mine wastheincarnationofawish—the fulfillment of apromise.Somewhere between
fallinginandoutoflove,the question spilled fromour lips over and over—readily answered withgreedy hands andravenous mouths. It wascautiously whispered onrooftops, as we lookeddown on terrifyingheights and cried out
under creased, whitesheets in breathlessadmissions.Towards good-bye, Iasked the question, andyour reply was athoughtless echo as Istood,feelingasthoughIwasshoutingmeaninglesswords into an empty
canyon—justtohearthemrepeatedback........................................“I love you,” he says forthefirsttime.I turn my body to facehis.“Sayitagain.”He says it over and overagain,pullingmebeneath
him.
ATimeCapsule
Thisiswhere,Ibegantocare,whereIwasbefriended.
Thisiswhere,mysoulwasbared,whereallmyruleswerebended.
Thisiswhere,amomentweshared,wasstolenandexpended.
Nowthisiswhere,
thisiswhere,thisiswherewe'veended—
AbouttheAuthor
The work of poet andartist Lang Leav swingsbetween the whimsicaland woeful, expressing acomplexity beneath itschildlikefacade.LangisarecipientoftheQantas Spirit of Youth
Award and a prestigiousChurchillFellowship.Her artwork is exhibitedinternationally and shewas selected to take partin the landmark PlayboyRedux show curated bythe Andy WarholMuseum.She currently lives with
her partner andcollaborator, Michael, inalittlehousebythesea.
PostedPoems is auniquepostal service that allowsyoutosendyourfavoriteLang Leav poem toanyone, anywhere in theworld. All poems areprinted on heavyweightartpaperandencasedina
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LOVE&MISADVENTUREcopyright©2013byLangLeav.Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybeusedorreproducedinanymannerwhatsoeverwithoutwrittenpermissionexceptinthecaseofreprintsinthe
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