EXT. OUTSIDE OF LOUIE'S NYC APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
NASIM, a beautiful Iranian-American woman, wearing stylish office attire and high heels, is standing outside the front entrance of Louie's building as he arrives home. She's on the phone, and flustered as she digs keys out of her purse.
NASIM( )to the phone
What?! Why did you say that? No, that's obviously a bad idea. Tell her the--
Louie politely waits with keys in hand rather than pushing her out of the way. She's carrying a purse, a computer case, a plastic drug store bag, and a paper bag with take-out food. Realizing that she's struggling, Louie jiggles his keys and coughs to indicate she's in his way. This cough startles Nasim, and she drops her drug store bag.
LOUIEOh, sorry!
NASIMGoddamnit!
Louie reaches down to pick it up, but Nasim is determined not to let him touch the plastic bag.
NASIM (CONT'D)I got it.
( )to the phoneNo, not—
She drops the phone.
NASIM (CONT'D)Fu—!
CUT TO:
INT. LOUIE'S APARTMENT BUILDING LOBBY - NIGHT
Louie holds the door open as Nasim strides through into the lobby without acknowledging Louie's good deed. She's focused on her phone.
NASIM (CONT.D)Sorry, my phone fell. It's been crazy. But I need you to send me her contact info. Just text it to me. No, I have too much going on right now.
Her and Louie are waiting for the elevator to arrive and are careful not to acknowledge one another.
2.
NASIM (CONT'D)What!? Well tell her that message was meant to convey a sense of irony... What do you mean she doesn't get it? How much will it costs to reprint?
( )to LouieDo you have a pen?
Louie looks at her a moment, then hesitantly hands over a pen.
NASIM (CONT'D)( )to the phone
Ok, hold up.
She looks at Louie, implicitly requesting he hold the her paper take-out bag. He rolls his eyes and holds the bag.
NASIM (CONT'D)Give me the numbers.
Nasim is righting down numbers on the paper bag Louie is holding when the elevator arrives. They walk onto the elevator carefully so that she can keep writing.
NASIM (CONT'D)That's great.
Louie hits his floor number.
NASIM (CONT'D)( )to Louie
Twelve please.
This is the same floor as Louie's. She didn't realized he'd already pushed that button.
LOUIEThat's my floor, too.
She's not listening to him, but continues to write numbers as the elevator elevates.
NASIMSo, we're still in budget. Oh... Damn. How much?.. Was that 8, 9, or 9, 8? Dana?! Ah, bitch!
Nasim's phone disconnected.
LOUIEElevators and cell phones don't get along.
Nasim is staring at the numbers she scribbled down on the paper bag Louie is holding.
3.
LOUIE (CONT'D)As I'm sure, you know. I'm Louie by the way.
NASIMNasim. Hey, sorry, I'm just trying to think about this.
The elevator arrives on their floor. They walk off the elevator.
INT. HALL OF LOUIE AND NASIM'S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
NASIMWe've met before, right?
LOUIEKind of.
CUT TOFLASHBACK:
INT. HALL OF LOUIE AND NASIM'S APARTMENT BUILDING [PAST]
Louie opens his apartment door and begins to reach down for his newspaper. It's missing. He looks around and notices it in front of another apartment. He walks over. Unsure if it's his paper or not, he uses his foot to turn it over. He sees his name and bends to pick it up when Nasim opens the door about to leave to work. Awkward pause.
LOUIEMy paper was left in front of your place.
NASIMUh huh, well I'm going to leave now, soo...
LOUIEOh, of course.
Louie quickly moves out of the way to let Nasim pass, but he's moved farther from his apartment, so he has to wait while Nasim locks her door. She gives him a funny look before heading to the elevator. He follows behind her until he comes to his door.
CUT TO:
INT. LOUIE AND NASIM'S APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY [PRESENT]
4.
LOUIEYeah, that was pretty odd.
NASIMI really thought you were a creep--
Louie winces.
NASIM (CONT'D)But not in a scary way.
Nasim's phone begins to ring again. She looks at it, grimaces, and begins to turn away before poking her head up briefly to say
NASIM (CONT.D) (CONT'D)Good night.
LOUIESame to you.
They go to their respective apartments–Nasim in more of a hurry–as we
CUT TO:
INT. LOUIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING
With skill and attention to detail, Louie prepares his dinner. Carefully checking the flavor, adding more spice accordingly. He has a moment as the food cooks and the sauces sauté, so he refills his glass of wine and notices the beeping light on his answering machine. He goes over, presses play to listen. It's his ex-wife, JANET.
JANET (V.O.)Hey Louie, Lilly has a little fever, so she probably won't be going to school tomorrow. If it's still bad in the morning, I'm going to take her to the pediatrician. Dr. Sanders moved to a new office by the way. Write this down.
Louie reaches for his jacket which is hanging nearby during the pause. He realizes that his pen is not in his pocket and recalls lending it to Nasim. He grabs a pen out of a drawer, tries to write with it, and realizes it's dry. He's screaming as he fumbles with the answering machine, trying to make it stop.
JANET (CONT'D)( )in the background
It's on 3rd ave between 80th and 81st. 487 is the address. Call me or text me back if you can meet us
(MORE)
JANET (CONT'D)
5.
there.
He gives up and heads out the door, mumbling the doctor's address to himself. He stops and retreats back to the stove to turn off the gas, then it's back out towards Nasim's apartment.
INT - NASIM'S BATHROOM
Nasim's sitting on the toilet staring at a pregnancy test, waiting for the plus or minus sign. There's a knock on the door. She puts the test on the sink counter next to a PEN and heads to the door.
INT - NASIM'S APARTMENT
Nasim looks through the peephole and sees that it's Louie at the door. She opens it.
LOUIEHey, I had lent you a pen in the elevator, and--
NASIMOh, yeah, I'm sorry...
She trails off as she heads toward the bathroom to retrieve the pen.
NASIM (CONT.D) (CONT'D)Come in. I left it over here. Just give me a--
Her smartphone on the kitchen counter goes off, and she's back in an instant to see who it is.
NASIM (CONT'D)( )to herself
God, what does he want?( )then to Louie
I'm sorry, you're pen.
She heads back to the bathroom.
NASIM (O.S.) (CONT'D)I noticed it's a really nice pen.
LOUIEThanks, it was a gift, and I try--
CUT TO:
6.
INT. NASIM.S BATHROOM
She can't hear him, but he's still talking. She's in the bathroom now and sees that the pregnancy test is showing a positive sign. She covers her mouth as she begins to cry.
LOUIE (O.S.)...to hold on to it. I mean, if it was any old pen, I probably wouldn't be here, but like I said...
He can hear her weeping uncontrollably.
LOUIE (CONT'D)If this is a bad time, I can return later.
For a moment Louie makes a motion to perhaps go help her, but hesitates and retreats out the door and back to his own apartment.
INT. LOUIE'S APARTMENT
Louie is back at the stove putting the final touches on his meal. He quickly and carefully serves himself a plate and precedes to cover that plate with a lid to keep the food warm. After putting leftovers in the fridge, he takes his plate over to the couch, places the plate neatly on the coffee table and drops a napkin covering a knife and fork next to the plate. He heads back to the kitchen for a glass of wine, then returns to the table, turns on the TV, and takes his first bite when...
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY, LOUIE'S FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
Nasim knocks.
INT. LOUIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Louie hears the knock on his door, and gets a look of annoyance on his face. He leaves his evening routine to answer the door.
LOUIEHello.
NASIMI'm sorry for not, I mean... uh, your pen!
7.
LOUIEDon't worry... Thanks--
NASIMNo thanks, I mean, thanks. I just, wow, well I just thought you must think... I--
LOUIENo, no, I mean, I don't really know you... You must have had a rough day it seems--
Nasim laughs.
NASIMIt has been. I don't know why. I mean I do, it's just, I don't. Well, I'm pregnant, and just found that out, so, yeah...
LOUIEOh, um, wow. Congratulations--
Nasim laughs again before her voice begins to stutter, and she (and Louie) suddenly find her crying in his arms.
LOUIE (CONT'D)You'll be ok.
NASIMYeah, no, I know... I don't know... Damn, your apartment smells really good.
LOUIEOh, yeah, I just made dinner.
NASIMI'm interrupting. I better--
Nasim turns away from Louie. Then turns back when he asks,
LOUIEAre you hungry? Because I have plenty and really, it's not a problem.
NASIMI didn't realize how hungry I was until I smelled your cooking.
LOUIECome in.
He leads her into his place and she takes a seat on his couch, and notices his meal in front of the TV. Louie is
8.
making her a plate.
NASIMDinner and a movie?
LOUIEI was probably going to go with PBS.
NASIMAn informative choice.
LOUIEAre you okay with spice?
NASIMI'm fine with it. I'm not really picky with food.
Louie lays a plate in front of her.
LOUIE( )Gesturing to his belly
As you can tell, food and I get along great.
NASIMWell, I get along with my elliptical better than my stove.
Louie sits next to her. He picks up his glass of wine and realizes she doesn't have a drink.
LOUIEI'm sorry, do you want water or something.
NASIM( )Enthusiastically
Wine. Please.
Silence envelopes the room as they both think the same thing at the same time: PREGNANT. Louie gets up and goes to pour a glass.
LOUIEYou know back in the Middle Ages, it was actually safer to drink beer and wine that it was to drink water.
NASIMThanks for the justification.
LOUIEI read that a glass or two of wine a day is beneficial to your health.
9.
NASIMYour thinking of red wine. It has antioxidants.
Louie brings her a glass of white wine.
LOUIEWell, my doctor said white was best for me— for now... Gout.
Awkward pause.
LOUIE (CONT'D)Cheers.
NASIMSalud!
FADE TO:
Shots around Louie's apartment. A TV on mute, music playing, and a nearly empty bottle of wine.
Louie and Nasim eating and conversing. Nasim is laughing.
LOUIEIt's true, I think cell phones are creating an alternate reality that's going to destroy us.
Nasim laughs.
LOUIE (CONT'D)You think it's funny, but just wait, you're going to wake up someday, go to take your morning dump, and suddenly you're going to hear people just laughing at you!
Nasim falls over laughing, nearly spilling her wine.
NASIM( )through her laughs
That makes no sense! I make it a point to log off when I
(she makes a crude hand )gesture
Log out?(She's not sure if the
)connotation works
LOUIEOk, safe for now.
NASIMHa, yeah! No one's going to catch me pooping!
10.
LOUIEHoly shit, I think you're drunk— I think we're drunk.
NASIMIt's cool. I needed this. Work is so shitty right now. And this stupid baby.
Louie is quite. Nasim looks over at a framed photo of Louie's kids.
NASIM (CONT'D)You have kids. You like them?
LOUIEOf course I like them. I'm mean they can be little jerks obviously, but you know, they're my little jerks.
NASIMAnd their mom?
LOUIEShe's a jerk too. We're divorced.
NASIMObviously, but I mean, does she like them?
LOUIEI hope so. They with her now.
NASIMI'm getting an abortion.
LOUIE( )pause
Well, that's one less set of baby photos to deal with on Facebook. Your friends should be thankful!
Nasim looks at him suddenly with a straight face as if she's really upset.
LOUIE (CONT'D)Oh, no, I was just—
NASIMHa! You're such a sucker!
LOUIEHey, that was mean. I want you to leave. Get out.
11.
NASIMYou're bad at that.
LOUIEI know. You want another glass?
They both smile.
CUT TO:
INT. LOUIE'S APARTMENT - LATE NIGHT
The apartment is nearly pitch black. The darkness is broken by a flashlight. We hear Louie's voice and realize it's him holding the flashlight.
LOUIEYou're not going to win again. I'm going to find you.
They're playing hide-and-seek in the dark. Louie shines the flashlight throughout his apartment looking for her. Eventually he spots her next to the piano, and she leaps out of his spot light. He goes after her, and we hear a loud crash.
NASIMI'm safe. I touching the couch.
LOUIENo, we said you have to be on the couch. I tagged you. You're it.
CUT TO:
INT. LOUIE'S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING
Louie and Nasim are laying on the floor with their heads next to each other's and bodies in opposite directions, much like the memorable shot in Hal Hartley's Trust, except for they're looking up at the ceiling, not directly at each other and not really touching.
NASIMSorry you thought I was such a bitch earlier.
LOUIEI'm used to it. People have so much going on sometimes... you can't help but treat other people like... obstacles.
12.
NASIMThere's just always so much to do. And I need it that way. Like, I need to be busy. To know that...my career, my ambitions are worthwhile.
LOUIEI still don't really get what you do.
NASIMI don't want to talk about it. It sucks.
(she pauses, then decided )to talk about it
I produce these digital campaigns that are broadcasted on cable, on the internet, basically on any screen.
LOUIESo, like advertisements.
NASIMI hate calling it advertising.
LOUIESo what do you call it?
NASIMDigital campaigns that are broadcasted on cable, on the internet, and basically on any screen.
LOUIEThat's not weird.
NASIMI'm going to be a media mogul one day. The most influential woman in the world.
As she finishes this last sentence, she brings a glass of wine into view and attempts to pour wine out of the glass into her mouth without lifting her head off the floor. She fails, and wine spills into her nostrils. She rolls off screen laughing and wine snot dribbles out her nose.
LOUIEOh my god, someday I'll be able to say I knew Nasim when she had wine snot dripping out her nose onto my carpet.
13.
NASIM( )laughing
Shut up. When I laugh the wine goes further down my nasal cavity.
LOUIEJesus, that wine's going to go straight to your brain! You're baby's going to be so drunk!
Nasim laughs really hard for a moment, then slows down into a drawn-out weep and wail. Louie looks mortified.
NASIMI—I don't want to be pregnant!
LOUIEIt's okay, you're getting an abortion, remember?
Nasim wails louder at that comment.
NASIMOf course I remember. Have you ever had an abortion? No! You're a guy, you've got a dick. You don't know!
LOUIEJesus, I'm sorry.
Nasim takes a deep breath, composes herself, and looks out the window. Day is breaking.
NASIMWant to go watch the sunrise on the roof?
CUT TO:
EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - DAWN
Louie and Nasim are huddled together in a blanket. They watch the sunrise.
CUT TO:
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - MORNING
Louie enters the office, wearing sunglasses and holding a cup of coffee. He sees his ex-wife, Janet, and his daughter, Jane, in the waiting room. Jane lays on her mom as a sick child would.
14.
JANETHey, thanks for coming. I have to get to work.
JANEMom, don't leave me like this.
JANETIt's ok, Jane. You're dad's here.
Louie and Janet manage to swap positions so Louie is now seated and holding Jane, and Janet is up and looking at them.
JANET (CONT'D)I'll call you this afternoon.
LOUIEOk, I'll let you know how it goes.
Janet leaves, and Jane looks up at her dad. She lifts off his sunglasses.
JANETDaddy, you look like how I feel.
LOUIEDaddy had a long night.
JANEDaddy, I'm going to be sick again.
Louie picks her up with one arm, still holding his coffee with his other hand. He heads toward the receptionist, who is on the phone.
LOUIEGot a sick girl here. Sick girl! Trash can!
The flustered receptionist is reacting slowly, so Louie tears the lid off his coffee cup with his teeth, takes a gulp of coffee, then shoves the open cup in front of Lily who pukes into the cup. Louie sets the cup down on the counter in front of the receptionist as she looks on in bewilderment.
CUT TO:
INT. LOUIE'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON
Louie is on the phone with Janet. He walks around his apartment while talking to her.
LOUIEThe doctor said it's probably just a stomach bug.
15.
JANET( )O.S.
Did they at least get some blood samples or something?
LOUIEYeah, Lily wasn't so happy about having blood drawn out of her, but yeah, they're going to check her bloodwork— but it's probably just going to pass.
Louie pops his head into Jane's bedroom. She's asleep.
JANETIs she still sick?
LOUIEYeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't think so. She's asleep.
He closes the door and walks around the apartment.
LOUIE (CONT'D)She hasn't thrown up since this morning, so that's a good sign.
Louie is around the entrance of his apartment when he notices a note slip under his door.
LOUIE (CONT'D)Hey, I'll call you back.
He hangs up and answers the door. Nasim is walking toward her apartment.
NASIMOh hey, you're home.
LOUIEYeah, my kid isn't feeling good. She's asleep.
NASIMI never gave you my number...And I was hoping, you'd call me... Later.
LOUIEOh, um...
NASIMNot, well. I was planning to ask you later, but I guess, I can just.
(she struggles to get )this out
You're the only one who knows. Who I've told, I'm pregnant. And, well,
(MORE)
NASIM (CONT'D)
16.
god, I've been out of it all day.
LOUIEMe too. Like a zombie.
NASIMCan't pull those all-nighters like we used to, eh?
LOUIENo, but it was fun though.
NASIMYeah. I needed that!
LOUIEI'm sorry do you want to come in?
NASIMNo, I left work early to catch up on some sleep. But, I stopped by a clinic on the way home. I made an appointment for the end of next week, and...
LILY (O.S.)Dad, help! I poo'd before I made it to the bathroom. Help! I'm pooing again! I can't stop! HELP ME!!
LOUIEI gotta—
NASIMGo.
Louie hurries to help Lily.
CUT TO:
INT. LOUIE AND NASIM'S APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY - EVENING
Louie knocks on Nasim's door. She answers a moment later. He's holding a plate of food and hands it over to her.
NASIMOh, wow! I was just going to order out! Your kid didn't help you with this, right?
LOUIEOh no, I—
NASIMJoking. Ha, ha.
17.
LOUIEDamn, your the worst.
NASIMDo you want to come in? I'm just working and the place is a mess, but you can come in.
LOUIENo, I should get back to Lily just in case she detonates again.
NASIMFamily man.
LOUIEYeah, but I think you were going to ask me something before we got cut off earlier... If you want someone to go to this clinic with you, I'm ok with that.
NASIMYeah, that'd be great. You have my number now, so just text me yours, we'll make a date out of it.
LOUIEA, um, a date?
NASIMLouie, if we're going to be friends, you got to start getting my sense of humor. Thanks for dinner...again.
Nasim smiles before closing her door. Louie thinks for a moment and chuckles as he walks back to his apartment. He taps the archway of his apartment door—a sign of delight—then Lily screams,
LILYDad!
Louie runs.
CUT TO:
INT. CLINIC WAITING ROOM - DAY
Louie waits in a waiting room. Jump cuts as Louie passes time looking through magazines, jabbing at his smartphone, and laying back with his hand over his face. Then his phone buzzes. It's a text from Nasim:
"Procedure's over but they want me to rest here for another
18.
30min. It's been forever, I'll understand if you need to be somewhere."
Louie texts back.
INT. CLINIC EXAM ROOM - DAY
Nasim is in a hospital bed. Her phone buzzes. It's a text from Louie:
"Ok, see you latter. Get well soon."
Nasim frowns. Her phone buzzes again:
"JK. I'm hungry tho."
Nasim responds.
"I think I'm hungry too. I just need a sandwich. Don't care what's in it."
INT. CLINIC WAITING ROOM - DAY
Louie types on his phone:
"pickles?"
A moment later his phone buzzes: "love me some pickles :)"
INT. NYC DELI - AFTERNOON
Louie is standing behind a fancy-dressed woman who is taking forever to order. He looks frustrated.
CUSTOMERHmm, I think I'll have the... what's the difference between the chicken Parmesan and the chicken cutlet.
DELI GUYOne has Parmesan and tomato sauce, the other has mayo and mustard.
CUSTOMEROk, and which one is which?
LOUIEReally?
CUSTOMERExcuse me?
19.
LOUIEThe chicken parm has Parmesan and pasta sauce. That make it easier?
CUSTOMERWell, I didn't know.
She turns to the delicatessen.
CUSTOMER (CONT'D)Never mind, you're not getting my business, and you can blame it on this guy. (Whispering) You should spit in his food.
She storms out.
Louie approaches the counter.
LOUIEYou're not going to spit in my food are you?
DELI GUYNot if you make me an order I can't refuse.
Louie laughs a little, then orders like a pro.
LOUIEOk, two sandwiches. One hero and one on a roll. Both with lettuce, tomato, mustard and mayo...
Louie continues to place the order as we
FADE TO:
INT. LOUIE AND NASIM'S APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY - AFTERNOON
Louie and Nasim walk off the elevator and toward Nasim's apartment.
NASIMThanks again for coming with me.
LOUIEYeah, glad to do it.
Nasim unlocks and opens her door.
NASIMI'm going to hang out and try not to work.
20.
LOUIEYeah, I'm just going to do the same.
NASIMOk, so I'll talk to you later I guess.
LOUIEYeah, later.
Nasim closes her door, leaving Louie alone in the hallway with the bag of sandwiches. He realizes he hasn't given her her food, and knocks on her door again. She answers almost immediately.
NASIMHey, I don't want to be alone right now.
LOUIEI forgot to give your sandwich.
NASIMOh.
LOUIEWant to watch a movie or something?
NASIMOk, but nothing with doctors, or needles, or vaginas.
FADE TO:
INT. COMEDY CELLAR - NIGHT
Louie is on stage performing.
LOUIE(Insert hilarious Louis
)CK comedy rant