Listening Lab 1: Listening Skills Kevin R. Thomas Manager, Training & Development x3542 [email protected] du
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Transcript
Introductions
• Name• Your relationship to
Williams• Think about a time
when someone really listened to you. What’s one thing they did that helped?
Objectives
• Describe techniques for effective listening.
• Get some practice.
Norms
• Confidentiality• Participation• Listening• Advice & Judgement
Free Zone
Agenda1
• Orientation
2• 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3• Summarizing for Understanding
4• Empathic Listening
5• Debrief
6• Next Steps
Agenda1
• Orientation
2• 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3• Summarizing for Understanding
4• Empathic Listening
5• Debrief
6• Next Steps
Each Exercise
• Pair up• 7 minutes as listener• 3 minute feedback – speaker gives feedback
about what the listener did well, what they might try in the future
• Switch• Rotate partners
Dangers of Advice Giving• You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you
wanted to do anyway.-John Steinbeck
• Advice is effective if:– The person you’re talking to knows what the problem is– The person you’re talking to has communicated the real problem– You have the needed advice– The person you’re talking to will accept the advice coming from you– The the person you’re talking to follows through on your advice
In other words … hardly ever.AND
Advice giving does NOT increase the person’s resiliency or capacity.
Creating a container• The more intense or difficult a conversation is, the stronger the
container must be.• Consider:
– Privacy– Lack of distractions– Time bound– Norms
• Confidentiality• “I” statements• Describing behaviors, thoughts, and feelings, not labeling the other person• No interruptions• Volume and gestures moderate• Time outs
For the exercises …
• You’ll be in the speaker role• Choose a topic that is significant for you• Gauge the strength of the container and what
is safe to share• Listen to your gut
Agenda1
• Orientation
2• 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3• Summarizing for Understanding
4• Empathic Listening
5• Debrief
6• Next Steps
1 Mouth, 2 Ears
• Minimal Encouragements– Echoing words or phrases– Verbal cues that you are listening “Oh?”, “Mm hmm”,
“Right.” etc.– “Is there more about that?”
• Open-ended questions• Body language– Non verbal cues that you are listening– Subtly mirror body language.
• Pauses
1 mouth, 2 ears – your turn
• Use minimal encouragements, open-ended questions, body language, and pauses to keep the other person talking.
• Imagine they are holding a hand of cards. You want them to put more cards on the table.
Agenda1
• Orientation
2• 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3• Summarizing for Understanding
4• Empathic Listening
5• Debrief
6• Next Steps
Summarizing for Understanding
• Summarize– I hear you saying X. Am I getting that right? Is
there more about that?– When there is no more, summarize everything
they’ve said.
Summarizing for Understanding – Your Turn
• Listen, using the technique of summarizing for understanding– As you go along– When the person has said all they want to say
Agenda1
• Orientation
2• 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3• Summarizing for Understanding
4• Empathic Listening
5• Debrief
6• Next Steps
Empathic Listening
• “What’s mentionable is much more manageable.” – Fred Rogers
• Non-violent communication– Feelings are related to needs– Positive feelings come from satisfied needs– Negative feelings come from frustrated needs– Inquire about needs and feelings– Could you be feeling x because of a need for y? … or because
you are thinking y?– Example: “Could you be feeling anxious because you think
that you are not safe?”
Empathic Listening – Your Turn
• Practice empathic listening– Help the other person to identify their needs and
the associated emotions
Agenda1
• Orientation
2• 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3• Summarizing for Understanding
4• Empathic Listening
5• Debrief
6• Next Steps
Debrief
• What did you like?• What did you learn?• Any surprises?
Agenda1
• Orientation
2• 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3• Summarizing for Understanding
4• Empathic Listening
5• Debrief
6• Next Steps
Resources and Next Steps
• Course page• Lynda.com video
training• Upcoming
communications labs
Kevin R. ThomasManager, Training & Development
• Program evaluation link will be sent by email.• You’ll get a link to a course page with all the materials.
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