Listening

ListeningA much neglected competence

Listening

The ability to effectively listen is an essential

interpersonal skill. On the surface, listening is

simple, routine, requires little effort. But, we

are easily distracted and tend to listen only to

that which interests us (selective listening).

Hearing is not listening. Listening is active,

not passive; it requires skill.

Active listening is effective in improving

relationships and communications with others.

Listen like a professional

Carl Rodgers, a renowned psychotherapist described the process, with regard to one of his clients:

‘If I can listen to what he can tell me,

if I can understand how it seems to him,

if I can see its personal meaning for him,

if I can sense the emotional flavour it has for him,

then I will be releasing potent forces of change in him‘

(Rogers, 1961)

Active Listening

Attending is the process whereby you convey your full attention

and interest to the person communicating with you.

Gerard Egan defined the acronym SOLER to assist with the

process of attending:

Attending

S Squarely face the speaker to confirm you are paying attention

Attending

O Open posture conveys attention and interest. Avoid crossing your arms or legs as this can be perceived as a defensive response


Attending


L Lean slightly toward the individual to convey interest and attention. Leaning backwards conveys disinterest.


Attending



E Maintain eye contact but do not stare; avert your gaze every so often. Avoiding eye contact, indicates discomfort or disagreement with what is being said.


Attending



E Maintain eye contact but do not stare; avert your gaze every so often. Avoiding eye contact, indicates discomfort or disagreement with what is being said.

R Relax and act naturally to enable the speaker to relax. This is conducive to effective communication.


Active Listening

Active listening requires effort to ensure we

interpret, understand and remember the

sender’s message. This skill is difficult to

master, as we generally begin to evaluate and

formulate a response well before the sender

has completed transmitting the message.

Questioning what is being said without

understanding the full meaning of the

message can lead to unnecessary debate, and

may frustrate the sender and prevent the

completion of the communication.

3 parts to listening

✤ Observe the non-verbal behaviour of the

sender while listening carefully to what is

being said.

✤ Listen intently and strive to understand

what is actually being said.

✤ Be aware of the need to listen. At the same

time be conscious of your own internal

feelings about the topic being presented to

you.

Active listening seeks to achieve a greater understanding of the content, intent and feelings

behind the message being transmitted.



BehaviourChanges in facial expression, eyes moistening, frowning, narrowing of eyes or smiling are all clues as to how the sender is feeling.


Changes in eye contact are directly related to emotions. If the sender cannot maintain eye contact and looks away suddenly, this may indicate difficulty with an emotional issue. Conversely, if the sender gazes openly into your eyes they may be about to confide in you.



Changes in posture can signify changes in feelings. Leaning back indicates disengagement from a stressful topic or relief that a stressful situation has passed. Leaning forward suggests that the sender has strong feelings on the topic and cannot easily be dismissed. Turning away indicates the sender wants to avoid further communication.



Changes in posture can signify changes in feelings. Leaning back indicates disengagement from a stressful topic or relief that a stressful situation has passed. Leaning forward suggests that the sender has strong feelings on the topic and cannot easily be dismissed. Turning away indicates the sender wants to avoid further communication.

Involuntary body movements, leg movements, shifting stance, arm and hand movements all ‘leak’ strong feelings experienced by the sender.

A skilled listener is sensitive to the unconscious body language of the sender and takes the appropriate action.

In western culture, nods and head shakes confirm positive affirmation or negative rejection respectively. The degree of movement indicates the strength of the feelings associated with it.

Watch for uneasiness, getting up, walking around and performing trivial tasks; these are significant and suggest unease about the topic under discussion. It is important to interpret accurately these non-verbal body movements, taking care not to jump to the wrong conclusions.

BEF Listening Model

To help transition from listening to active listening be aware of:

B Behaviour. What behaviour is being demonstrated and why?

E Experience: Has the sender’s experience in the organisation affected them? It is important to establish to what extent their behaviour is influenced by their experience

FFeelings: If you can unearth the sender’s real feelings then you have unlocked the key to really understanding them. This is significant and may be accompanied by an unexpected emotional display.

Be Self-Aware

DIStractions

Be Self-Aware

DIStractionsAre you tired, sick, worried, over eager to help and thinking of possible solutions? Are you recalling similar personal experiences?

Be mindful of distractions so you can hear and understand the message fully

Be Self-Aware

JUDGEment

Be Self-Aware

Are you filtering what is being said through your own judgement? Do you like or dislike the sender?

JUDGEment

Be mindful of being judgemental so you can hear and understand the message fully

Be Self-Aware

Bias

Be Self-Aware

Do you have prejudices? These can relate to gender, age, religion, race, roles, etc

Bias

Be mindful of being biased so you can hear and understand the message fully

Listening Competency

✤ Make appropriate eye contact. This is the most reliable way to indicate you are listening.

✤ Use nods and facial expressions to acknowledge what is being said.

✤ Avoid distracting gestures or actions such was glancing at your watch, playing with a

pen, or shuffling papers.

✤ Ask questions for clarification. This assures the other person you want to understand

what is being said.

✤ Summarise the speakers points. Clearly indicates you have been listening and is an

excellent check for accuracy.

✤ Avoid interrupting - allow the speaker to finish before responding or asking questions.

✤ Avoid over talking.

Main Images courtesy of NUI Galway Stephanie O’Boyle

Listening

Career

selective listening

senders message

active listeningattending

senders experience

process of attending

etcbiasbe mindful

mindful of distractions

judgementbe mindful