LEVERAGING OUR CHILDREN’S GLOBAL EXPERIENCE In the context of the living in Beijing Dr Lyn Wren Western Academy of Beijing 31 st January 2013
Dec 16, 2015
LEVERAGING OUR CHILDREN’S GLOBAL EXPERIENCEIn the context of the living in Beijing
Dr Lyn Wren
Western Academy of Beijing31st January 2013
EXPAT CHILDREN THE NEW PROTOTYPEGlobal citizen, first culture, second culture, third culture and cross cultural kids – these are all terms that may be used to refer to our living in Beijing children.
The prototype citizen of the future is said to be the global citizen – especially the children that are at ease with moving within and across cultures, building bridges and making connections.
But is is all good news? Studies have shown that these global children have a unique set of challenges to overcome.
The pressure of moving to a new city, exposure to a foreign culture, starting in a new school, having to make new friends and watch friends leave, all create stress. These stressors are then linked to many emotional and physical health problems. Behavioral issues, anxiety, depression, eating and dieting disorders, alcohol & substance use and suicide, can all be triggered by the stressors our global citizen children are facing.
As a parent, understanding how to turn these challenges into assets is absolutely essential.
CHINA DAILYwww.chinadaily.com WAB’s FAVOURITE NEWSPAPER - Since forever
CROSS CULTURAL & THIRD CULTURE KIDS
Cross Cultural Kids: meaningful interaction with 2 cultures during the developmental years
Third Culture Kids: 1st culture is your ‘home’ culture; 2nd culture is the one you moved to; 3rd culture is the one you make in your ‘new home’ which is usually a combination of the two.
.
THE NEW ‘NORMAL’= GLOBALCITIZENS
THE NEW ‘NORMAL’= GLOBALCITIZENS
LEVERAGING IT TO OUR ADVANTAGE
“ TCKs are cross-culturally mobile children, born into a first culture and raised in one or more additional cultures. Their emergent life-style produces a third culture that lacks national or cultural boundaries. TCKs are marginal, mobile in body, soul, and intellect. Their roots lie in uprootedness. They fit in everywhere, nowhere in particular. They are simultaneously insiders and outsiders….”
Ayla Delin, Istanbul, writing in Time, March 1, 1993
Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Advantages
Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Advantages
Problem Solving
FlexibleWORLD
VIEW
Strong FamilyTiesMature
ToleranceADAPTABILITY
SkilledCulturallySensitive
Linguistic Skills
Empathy
Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Challenges
Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Challenges
Feelings of being rootless
Worsen ADD/ADHD Behavioral
Problems
Depression & Suicide
EducationOut Of
Phase
Stress & Anxiety
Insecurity
Clashes with different
value systems
Eating &Dieting
Disorders
Unresolved grief & sadness
Alcohol & Substance
Use
Part 1
THE LOVE LANGUAGESLearning how to communicate love in a language your children understand
Communicating LoveA strong family is one where the members genuinely feel loved
Research has concluded: To feel loved is the primary human emotional needIt is like each of us has an ‘emotional love tank’
Conflicts and issues are more easily received, discussed and resolved if the parties feel loved & accepted
With our children our aim is to increasingly lead by the strength of our relationship NOT by the power of our authority
Of course we DO LOVE THEM but our expressions of love may not make our children FEEL LOVED.
GENERAL PRINCIPLES – No formulasGENERAL PRINCIPLES – No formulas
The Idea of Love Languages
Love is expressed as an ‘emotional language’There are 5 basic languages of loveEach person is different – what communicates love to one person may not communicate love to anotherEveryone needs a little of everything but people have ONE language that speaks LOUDER than all others (some are bilingual)
Children under the age of about 5 years need ALL 5 love languages
Part 2
Our goal is to raise children that have their own “moral compass” rather than just ‘rule obeyers’.
Instilling A Moral CompassUsing the power of influence rather thanthe power of our authority as parents
IntroductionIntroduction
We have established that growing a healthy, loving child-parent relationship is the MOST important
The next step is ‘TRAINING’
Love and “training” have to go together
Our goal is to lead by the strength of our relationship NOT by the power of our authority
Our goal is to equip our children with a moral compass, so they can make good choices as they navigate the challenges of living in Beijing
What Is A Moral Compass?What Is A Moral Compass?
A value system that has been ‘inbuilt’ over the yearsA value system that enables children, teenagers, young adults & adults make good, morally responsible decisions for themselvesA value system that keeps ‘steering’ them in the right directionA value system that is independent of ‘rules’ and ‘the law’.How we instil this moral compass changes as the phases of parenting change
How Do We Instill A Moral Compass?How Do We Instill A Moral Compass?
Teach them the reasons ‘why’
The reasons ‘why’ need to be genuine/accurate
Teaching them ‘why’ instills in them a set of values and morals which they will keep with them for the rest of their life
The GOAL is to empower them to make decisions for themselves
We want to raise morally responsible young adults….NOT rule obeyers!
Down Side of Instilling A Moral CompassDown Side of Instilling A Moral Compass
Takes more time than just saying ‘because I’m the parent and I said so’
YOU need to know the reasons ‘why’
Parents need to MODEL the moral values they are seeking to instill
Expect rich discussion on all the reasons ‘why not’ and ‘why you’re wrong’
It might still come down to ‘well I appreciate your opinion BUT….”
Even in this situation, you have instilled the value even though you have to fall back on parental authority
Moral Compass Versus Rule-ObeyersMoral Compass Versus Rule-Obeyers
Rule Obeyers
Obey when there ARE rules
Can ‘disobey’ when there is no one watching
Can ‘disobey’ when they think they can get away with it
Motivated by an inbuilt ‘moral
compass’
Can make decisions:
Independently of whether there are rules
When there is no-one watching or telling them what to do
To do the right thing even if there are no rewards or punishments
How We As Parents Can Make All The Difference
How We As Parents Can Make All The Difference
BeFlexible
Make them Feel
LOVED
Keep aHealthy marriage
KeepFamily
Traditions
Change Your
Parenting Style as Your
Kids Grow
BuildStrongFamily
Relationships
Be INVOLVED
Learn howTo be a
‘coach’ as your kids get
older
Be an informed
parent
Look forOpportunitiesTo teach Your
Kids‘Why’
Get supportIf you
need it