Laois Offaly Tatler Issue 12 Jan 2011

Off

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The personnel office received anemail requesting a listing of the de-partment staff broken down by ageand sex. The personnel office sentthis reply..."Attached is a list of our staff. Wecurrently have no one broken downby age or sex. However, we have afew alcoholics."

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoy-ing an after work cocktail with her

girlfriends when Steven, a tall, ex-ceptionally handsome, extremelysexy, middle-aged man entered. Hewas so striking that the womancould not take her eyes off him.This seasoned yet playful heartthrobnoticed her overly attentive stareand walked directly toward her. (Asany man would.) Before she couldoffer her apologies for staring sorudely, he leaned over and whis-pered to her, "I'll do anything, abso-lutely anything, that you want me to

do, no matter what, for €20.00.. onone condition..."Flabbergasted but intrigued, thewoman asked what the conditionwas. The man replied, "You have totell me what you want me to do injust three words."The woman considered his proposi-tion for a moment, and then slowlyremoved €20 note from her purse,which she pressed into the man'shand along with her address. Shelooked deeply and passionately intohis eyes, barely concealing her an-ticipation and excitement, and slow-ly and meaningfully said...."Clean my house.

It's a sunny morning in the Big For-est and the Bear family is just wak-ing up.Baby Bear goes downstairs and sitsin his small chair at the table. Helooks into his small bowl. It is emp-ty! "Who's been eating my por-ridge?" he squeaks.Daddy Bear arrives at the table andsits in his big chair. He looks intohis big bowl. It is also empty!"Who's been eating my porridge?"he roars.Mommy Bear points her fingerthrough the door from the kitchenand yells, "For Pete's sake, howmany times do we have to gothrough this? It was Mommy Bearwho got up first. It was MommyBear who woke everybody else inthe house up. It was Mommy Bearwho unloaded the dishwasher fromlast night and put everything away.It was Mommy Bear who went outin the cold early morning air to fetchthe newspaper. It was Mommy Bearwho set the table. It was MommyBear who put the cat out, cleanedthe litter box and filled the cat's wa-

ter and food dish. And now thatyou've decided to come downstairsand grace me with your presence ...listen good because I'm only goingto say this one more time ... Ihaven't made the stupid porridgeyet!!"

Recently, while I was on a shoppingtrip in a department store, I heard alittle five-year-old talking to hismother on the down escalator. Hesaid, 'Mommy, what do they dowhen the basement gets full ofsteps?

The teacher, during an English les-son, asked her students: "Now tellme, what do you call a person whokeeps on talking when people are nolonger interested?"Little Johnny, in the back row,raised his hand."Yes, Johnny," said the teacher"A teacher!"

When a guy's printing on his printerbegan to grow faint, he called a lo-cal repair shop where a friendly maninformed him that the printer proba-bly needed only to be cleaned.Because the store charged €50 forsuch cleanings, he told him he mightbe better off reading the printer'smanual and trying the job himself.Pleasantly surprised by his candor,he asked, "Does your boss knowthat you discourage business?""Actually, it's my boss's idea," theemployee replied sheepishly. "Weusually make more money on re-pairs if we let people try to fixthings themselves first."

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Anyone trying to get a grip on theirfinances can get a lot of help for atiny investment in The Money Doc-tor Finance Annual 2011. JohnLowe’s best-selling book gives youinformation about money manage-ment, taxes, employment rights, in-vestment, budgeting, retirement – allaspects of financial fitness – in anextraordinarily easy to use and readformat. It’s so good, we’ve evenused it ourselves!There are numerous worksheets tohelp you get to grips with workingout your own budget, and these in-clude information based on thechanges to taxes and levies in the2011 Government budget. At only€10.99, The Money Doctor FinanceAnnual 2011, is extraordinarily goodvalue for a really useful book.The Money Doctor Finance Annual20011 is available in paperback fromSheelagh na Gig bookshop. Call inor order by post with free post andpacking. And in January, all booksare 20% off. Sheelagh na Gig book-

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The Robin (Spideog in Irish), isprobably the favourite of all the win-ter birds. The male and the femalehave similar plumage with the or-ange breast while the babies are aspotted brown and white with patch-es of orange gradually appearing.Robins live to about 1.1 years gener-ally but have been known to surviveup to 12 years. They rear 2-3 broodseach season and the chicks are fed byboth parents. They have a flutingwarbling song in the breeding seasonand often sing into the evening andnight leading them to be confusedwith the Nightingale. The Robin isthe only Irish bird that sings continu-ally throughout the winter. MaleRobins are noted for their highly ag-gressive territorial behaviour. Theywill attack other males that stray intotheir territories, and have been ob-served attacking other small birdswithout apparent provocation. Suchattacks sometimes lead to fatalities,accounting for up to 10% of adultRobin deaths in some areas. An oldfolk tale seeks to explain the Robin'sdistinctive breast. Legend has it thatwhen Jesus was dying on the cross,the Robin, then simply brown in col-our, flew to his side and sang into hisear in order to comfort him in hispain. The blood from his wounds

stained the Robin's breast, and there-after all Robins got the mark ofChrist's blood upon them. Robinsfirst appeared on Christmas cards inthe 1860's and the postmen deliver-ing them in their red coats becameknown as Robins. It was believedthat to harm a robin or it's eggs re-sulted in crooked fingers and a robinentering a house was a sign of forth-coming death while in the southeastof Ireland, a robin entering a housemeant impending frost. Robins areone of the friendliest birds and canbe encourage to feed from the hand.It is believed that there are about 4million robins in Ireland and they eatworms, seeds, fruits and insects.

Winter Birds - The Robin (Spideog)

A duck walks into a bar and orders abeer and a sandwich.The bartender looks at him and says,"But you're a duck.""I see your eyes are working," repliesthe duck."And you talk!" exclaims the bar-tender."I see your ears are working," saysthe duck, "Now can I have my beerand my sandwich, please?""Certainly," says the bartender,"sorry about that, it's just we don't getmany ducks in this pub. What areyou doing round this way?""I'm working on the building siteacross the road," explains the duck.So the duck drinks his beer, eats hissandwich, pays and leaves. This con-tinues for 2 weeks. Then one day thecircus comes to town. The ringleaderof the circus comes into the pub and

the bartender tells him about the in-credible talking duck."Marvelous!" says the ringleader,"get him to come see me."So the next day, the duck comes intothe pub. The bartender says, "Hey,Mr Duck, I lined you up with a topjob paying really good money!""Yeah?" says the duck, "Soundsgreat, where is it?""At the circus" says the bartender."The circus?" the duck enquires."That's right," replies the bartender."The circus? That place with the bigtent? With all the animals? With thebig canvas roof with the hole in themiddle?" asks the duck."That's right!" says the bartender.The duck looks confused and asks:"What the heck do they want with aplasterer?"

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover....

Chewing gum was used by the an-cient Greeks using the resin of a mas-tic tree, while the Mayans usedChicle which is the sap from the sa-podilla tree. The North American In-dians used sap from spruce trees andpassed this onto the settlers. In Janu-ary, 1915, William Wrigley createdDoublemint chewing gum. Wrigley

and Henry Fleer added the mint andfruit extracts to a chicle chewing gumwhich made it popular. Henry Fleerinvented the first bubble gum calledBlibber-Blubber but it was an em-ployee of his called Walter Diemerwho invented the hugely successfulpink coloured Double Bubble bubblegum.

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Sustainable energy refers to a waywe can use and generate energy thatis more efficient and less harmful tothe environment. Another way ofexplaining sustainable energy isthat it will allow us to meet ourpresent energy needs without com-promising the ability of future gener-ations to meet their own needs. Wecan do this by being more efficientin how we use energy in our dailylives and also by increasing theamount of energy that comes fromrenewable sources such as the wind,the sun, rivers and oceans.

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AFTER numerous postpone-ments due to the weather in late No-vember and throughout December,Drumcullen's eagerly anticipatedLeinster Club Junior Hurling Cham-pionship Final will go ahead thisSunday in Rath, weather permitting.Paddy Kirwan's side are taking onJohn Locke's of Kilkenny in the de-cider which throws in at 2pm.

Both teams have had more thantwo months to prepare for the gameas both qualified for the final backon November 14. Drumcullen de-feated Delvin in fogbound St Lo-man's Park in Mullingar by 5-13 to1-5 while John Locke's had just apoint to spare over Adamstown ofWexford with the Kilkenny side pre-vailing by 0-11 to 0-10.

In the previous round Drumcul-len had disposed of Dublin sideThomas Davis while John Locke'sovercame Laois champions Ballyfin.

Drumcullen took a break fromtraining over the Christmas periodbut were back to the grindstone onNew Year's Day in preparation forSunday's game. Having claimed theOffaly Intermediate title and with ita return to the senior ranks for thecoming season, Drumcullen are hop-ing to continue their winning waysby claiming a first provincial titlefor the club.

Newly crowned Offaly Inter-mediate Hurler of the Year ConorGath will lead the Drumcullen chal-lenge and Paddy Kirwan is expectedto select his team from a fully fitpanel.

However there is no doubt thatthe 'sash' will face a far sterner testthis Sunday than they did in the pre-vious rounds of the provincial cam-

paign.This will be the third time since2000 that Kilkenny and Offalyteams have met in this champion-ship with the Kilkenny teams pre-vailing on the previous twooccasions in 2004 and 2008.

It is hoped that a large crowdfroma around the county will comeout and support Drumcullen on theirquest for provincial glory.

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Have you ever noticed how wintercan make your skin feel dull and un-attractive? Instead of spending a for-tune in the current economic climate,having facials and spas, get out theold avocado to indulge in a deep con-ditioning treatment that will leaveyour skin glowing with sheen. Avoca-do can work wonders on the skin andwill leave your skin looking as freshas dew evein in the harshest of winterweather as it isn't just a reaql skinsheen booster, but also ahs amazingmoisturizing properties. Here is asimple avocado face mask to try out.

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Winter Skin

Burglaries are not restricted to partic-ular times of the day or the any spe-cial season. Thieves are on theconstant lookout for easy targetsand when they do strike, cause a greatdeal of distress and insecurity. Asalways, prevention is better than cure,so it is worth walkingaround your home and checking onyour own security.

Windows are obvious entry points. Ifthey are old, it may be worth invest-ing in new windows with locks. Theycan also come with catches thatprevent them being opened more thana few inches. Another advantage ofnew windows is that they have great-er energy efficiency, which can savemoney in the long run. Door locksshould also be checked for efficiency.If they are the old lock, it would beworth replacing them with multiplelocking mechanisms. Obstacles arethe best form of defence against bur-glars. If you have patio doors, makesure they are well secured as these arefavourite entry points for thieves.

Security alarms are also a good idea,but research the alarms first. There isno point in getting an alarm that will

be set off constantly for no reason.An alarm that is connected to a secu-rity response unit are a good bet. Besure an get a professional to installyour alarm system.

Outdoor sensor lighting is a good de-terrent and having good lighting out-side the front and back door willenable you to see who is outside.Spy holes and door chains are sensi-ble security devices. Lights on timerswitches inside the house will alsogive the illusion that someone ishome, before you actually get homeand will also act as a deterrent.

If you are unfortunate enough to beburgled, it would be difficult to proveany recovered belongings are actuallyyours, so it is advisable to mark yourbelongings if it is possible. Forsmaller items such as heirlooms orjewellery, take photos of them andkeep records about their unique mark-ings. Keep the records separate fromthe recorded items.

If you are still unsure, get in touchwith your local security firm, for ad-vice on your own home.

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So the cast is chosen and the stage isset for this year’s production, the hi-larious farce “Run for your Wife” byRay Cooney, which promises to beone of the funniest and most ambi-tious productions yet. “Run for yourWife” will be directed by BrendanHanamy and will star Chris Murphy,Derek Claffey, Aideen Coughlan,Frances Doyle, Carol Robbins,Brendan Robbins, MichaelHiney & Brendan Scully

It is the story of London cab driverJohn Smith, with two wives, twolives and a very precise schedule forjuggling them both. With one wife athome in Streatham and another athome in Wimbledon, and with occu-pants of the flat upstairs at the latterlocation. Trouble brews when Smithis mugged and ends up in hospital,

where both of his addresses surface,causing both the

Streatham and Wimbledon police toinvestigate. Having upset his sched-ule, Smith becomes hopelessly entan-gled in his attempts with his lazylayabout neighbour upstairs in Wim-bledon, to explain himself to hiswives and two suspicious police of-ficers.

The play will take place over twoweekends on Saturday 29th & Sun-day 30th January in Ballycumber Hallat 8pm and in Tuar Ard, Moate onThursday 3rd, Friday 4th & Saturday5th February at 8:30pm. Tickets willbe available in Ballycumber on thenight and can be reseserved at TuarArd on 090 6482042. Tickets are €10and €8 for students and OAP's.

Ballycumber Amateur Drama Group

Although you can’t be responsiblefor the way people drive, you cantake a number of steps to make your-self safer as a pedestrian:* Stop, look and listen* Don’t try to cross the road betweenparked cars* If possible, cross at a pedestriancrossing or traffic lights* Never cross at a bend* If there is a footpath use it* If there is no footpath, walk/run/jogon the right hand side of the road,facing oncoming traffic and keepingas close as possible to the side of theroad* Walk no more than two abreast andif the road is narrow or there is heavytraffic, walk in single file

More than two-thirds of fatal pedes-trian collisions happen at night. Al-though you can hear a car comingand see its lights, the driver may notsee you (and certainly won’t hearyou).

To protect yourself make sure you:* Always wear a pair of reflectivearmbands, high-visibility belt or oth-er reflective or fluorescent clothingwhich will help you to be seen froma distance* Carry a torch on country roads

Drunken pedestrians are a source ofdanger to themselves and other roadusers. If you have had one too many,don’t attempt to walk - get a lift froma (non-drinking) friend.

Pubs and clubs also have a responsi-bility to prevent intoxicated custom-ers walking out on public roadswhere they could be hit by passingvehicles, or cause a crash throughtheir own behaviour. To prevent thishappening, bar staff or anyone serv-ing alcohol should decide if the per-son is fit to walk. If not, they shouldarrange to get them home safely.

Pedestrian Safety

Leinster Final: Weather permitting,the Leinster Club Junior HurlingChampionship Final will finally takeplace in Rath this Sunday. Drumcul-len face John Locke's of Kilkenny inthis eagerly anticipated game. Thegame throws in at 2pm . This is un-doubtedly one of the biggest gamesin the club's recent history. A Lein-ster title to put with the Offaly Inter-mediate Hurling title would be justreward for the efforts of managementand players who have kept their col-lective noses to the grindstone despitethe poor weather. All support on theday from all in the parish and fromall across the county would be greatly

appreciated. All help with stewardingon the day would also be greatly ap-preciated.Lotto: Numbers drawn on January 8were 3, 15, 16 and 30. There was nojackpot winner. Two match 3 winnerseach receive €75. (Eoin Troy c/oGavin Nugent; Michael Parkinson c/oMary Parkinson). Promoters Prizewent to Deirdre Gath. Next week theJackpot will stand at €6,100.Notes: If anyone has something toadd to the club notes such as trainingtimes etc, e-mail them [email protected] beforeMonday evening.

Drumcullen GAA Club

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Over the past couple of weeks, theCommittee of Cumann na mBunscol(Primary School G.A.A) have beenvery busy organising 12 finals in allin both boys and girls Gaelic Foot-ball. Cumann na mBunscol chairmanGerry Hickey was more than happyto present the trophies to the deserv-ing captains of each winning team.Division 2 of the boys football wasan extra special competition for Cu-mann na mBunscol, as it honours ateacher who is sadly no longer withus, Colin Dunne was a teacher in Kil-leigh N.S. who died running a mara-thon two years ago. We weredelighted to have Colin’s family onhand to present the Colin Dunne Cupto Durrow N.S.

The Committee of Cumann namBunscol would like to express ourthanks to all members of the OffalyG.A.A. and O’ Connor Park for al-lowing us to host Finals in their spec-tacular stadium.

A big thank you is also due to thechildren for playing Gaelic Games, totheir parents and families for theirsupport and to the teachers andcoaches who give their time in orderto promote sport for young peopleand future Offaly stars!!Finally a huge thank you to our refe-rees, Martin Walsh, Simon Whela-han, Pat Flemming and MartinFlemming. We would also like tothank the Pipers who lead the chil-dren around O’ Connor Park andplayed the National Anthem beforeeach game.On behalf of the Committee of Cu-mann na mBunscol, I would like towish two of our longest serving andmost respected teachers, Gerry Hick-ey of Croghan NS and Liam Broder-ick of Clonmacnois NS all the best intheir retirement. Both men have giv-en immense service to Offaly G.A.Aand I’m sure they will continue to doso long into the future.

Cumann na mBunscol Football FinalsBy Joe Carmody P.R.O.

Laois Sports Partnership inassociation with Badminton Irelandare pleased to inform you that theyare hosting a fun coaching day forpupils and teachers, culminatingwith a friendly Blitz Day in theNew Year.

Schools will be able to attend acoaching session scheduled onWednesday 19th of January in StMary’s Hall Portlaoise between10.00 and 12.00. We are invitingone class per school of 5th/6th classpupils to attend with their teacher,where they will receive coachingon basic skills such as how toserve, hold the racket etc. It will bea fun day where they will interactwith pupils from other schools inthe county.

When schools have completed thecoaching session they will beentered into a fun Badminton Blitzto be scheduled in the New Year.They will then put forward a teamto represent their school in afriendly competition.

Portlaoise Junior ClubMainly for teenagers with physicaldisabilities. This is a multi-activityclub which takes place Fridaysfrom 4.30pm to 6pm in PortlaoiseGAA Centre. For furtherinformation contact us.

Sports Hall Athletics makes awelcome returnThe fundamentals of athletics –running, jumping, throwing - arethe core building blocks for

participation in all sports activities.Unfortunately many children do notlearn how to do these properly withthe result that they drop away fromsport from an early age.

The programme is aimed atteaching children these basicathletic skills which hopefully willkeep them involved in sport longer– and help build their self esteem.

As part of the programme we aimto provide indoor athleticsequipment where schools can availof it. Schools will be able to attendonce a week. Ideally children fromfirst class onwards can participatein this programme.

Each session will be lead byqualified co-ordinators howeverassistance is required by teachersattending to maintain discipline andensure safety. The programmekicked off in Ballyfin CommunityCentre with schools participatingfrom St. Fintan’s, Castletown, ScoilBhríde Mountrath, Clonenagh,Killanure and Paddock. Forfurther information on thisprogramme please contact us.

For further details contact Ms.Georgina Ireland, Laois CountyCouncil 057 86 74336 / email:[email protected] or Ms.Caroline Myers, Laois Sports Part-nership 057 86 71248 / email:[email protected]

Laois Sports

LOTTOThe numbers drawn in the Lotto onTuesday 04th January were 08 17 2027. There was no Jackpot winner and 1Match 3 winner [Declan Brophy, Rath-feston C/O The Green Shop ] [€200 ]

The numbers drawn in last Monday[10th January] night’s Lotto were 06 1619 24. There was no Jackpot Winnerand 6 Match 3 Winners [Fintan HinchC/O Dayna Hinch; Hillard Fallon C/OM Brophill; Aishling Conroy C/O FrankGorman; Pat Feery C/O Tom Feery;John O’Beirne C/O Brendan O’Rourke;Ann Briscoe C/O Hamilton’s] [€35each]. Next weeks Jackpot is €5,400with the draw taking place in

Hamilton’s, Geashill on Monday 17January 2011.

MEMBERSHIPMembers are asked to renew their mem-bership as soon as possible . Subscrip-tions are Adults €30, Students/ OAP’s€15 & Non Playing Members €20. Pay-ments can be given to Membership Of-ficers Shane Carroll or Padraig Direen.New members are very welcome.

COMMITTEE MEETINGRaheen GAA Club Committee meetingtakes place on this Thursday 13th Janu-ary at 8:30pm in Clubhouse, Geashill.There are a number of important issuesto be discussed so all committee mem-bers are asked to attend.

Raheen GAA Club

CLUB AGMThere was a good turnout at the AGM ofNa Fianna Minor GAA Football Clubwhich took place last Wednesday 05thJanuary in the clubhouse Geashill. Thefollowing officers were elected : Chair-man –P J Corcoran ; Secretariy: PaurigGallagher; Treasurer: John Malone; PRO: Ray Garry. The club wish to thank out-going chairman and secretary Jim Pierceand Pauric Pierce for all their work overthe last few years.

CLUB GENERAL MEETINGA General Meeting of Na Fianna GAAFootball Club takes place on thisWednesday 12 January 2011 at 8pm in

the GAA Clubhouse, Geashill. All Mem-bers, Officials and anybody interested inhelping out with any of the teams for thisyear are asked to attend.

U21 FOOTBALL TRAININGNa Fianna U21 Football Training is dueto get underway this week for this year’sU21 Championship campaign with train-ing continuing every week thereafter. Fordetails of training times please contactany of the following members of themanagement team: Pat Daly, Tom Keogh,Dermot Guinan, John Malone or PaulO’Rourke. All players and intendingplayers are asked to attend.

Na Fianna Minor GAA Football Club

Increase Sales, call 0504-51945

 Weekly Club Lotto

Weekly Lotto 08-Jan-11. There wasno winner of the weekly club Lottojackpot. The winning numbers were1-15-21-22. There were four matchthree winners. These were CatherineGrennan, Noel Egan, Brendan Low-ry and Chris Daly. Next weeks lottotakes place in Carey’s and the Jack-pot is €3050. Thanks to all who sup-port our lotto and thanks to all ourticket sellers.

Membership

Membership for the year 2011 isnow due. Membership for the fol-lowing year 2011 is the same as2010.

Membership Rates

Adult playing member €50, Ordinarymember €20, Underage player €20,Walkers (associate members) €20,Senior citizens €10, Registration forlife members €2, Life member €250

Yearly Lotto Subscription

The yearly Lotto subscription of €75for the year 2011 can be paid to anycommittee member.

Clara Ladies GFC

The Clara Ladies GFC are holding apresentation night for our under12girls county champions on sat22nd  of january.Venue is ClaraSports and Leisure Centre starting at7.30pm,music on the night by djSha,food and refreshments will beserved on the night.admission on thenight is adults 5 euros and children

are free a good night to be had pleaseall support.

Indoor Hurling LeagueU8 starts Tues 25th. U12 starts Wed26th. U10 starts Thurs 27th in GAACentre. Please contact 087 2649536if you have any questions or if youwould like to help out.

Sponsor a Sod

Have you purchased your Sod. If notwhy not. Support your club.

“Sponsor a Sod”- Clara GAA clubwould like to invite all current andpast members (and anyone with anyconnection to the club, no matterhow tenuous!) to be part of thelaunch of the new official ClaraGAA Club website and the 'Sponsora Sod' campaign. As part of our fundraising campaign to complete thenew Championship pitch in Kil-

coursey members and friends of theclub are invited to sponsor a sod onthe new pitch. Sponsors will receivea piece of the virtual pitch on a spe-cial page on our new website witheach “sod” being added piece bypiece to the page. Each “sod” can bepurchased for €20 from any commit-tee member .Log onto anclarach.comto see how our pitch is doing.

Website

Anyone wishing to put an add on thewebsite please contact any memberof the committee.

Club Notes By Email

Club Notes By Email-Anyone whowishes to recieve the club notes byemail please send your email addressto [email protected] , you will beadded to our email list and youshould recieve them every Mondaynight.

Tullamore Rugby Report

Harry Gale U-21 Leinster LeagueCup

TULLOW 19 TULLAMORE37.At the 3rd time of trying this matcheventually took place in Carlow onSunday afternoon. The fully de-served win has guaranteed Tullam-ore a home venue for the semi-finalof this competition.The first half was a tough andbruising encounter but Tullamoregot their nose in front with threetries from Simon Hensey, DavidFennell and Paul McNiff. One trywas converted by Odhran McIntyre.Tullow scores in the first half con-sisted ot two tries and a conversionand Tullamore lead 17-12 at halftime.Tullamore cut loose particularily inthe last quarter and scored tries byDanny Madden,Damien Egan,Odhran McIntyre and Simon Hen-sey. They converted none and Tul-low replied with a converted try.Tullamore man of the match wasMark Kennedy but the powerfullfront row of Ger Molloy, Nick Ber-ry and Daniel Cronin laid the fou-dation for this win. McIntyre andFennell were the pick of the back-line that took their chances.The final league match is fixed forSunday 23rd Jan away to Wander-ers.TEAM; 15.Simon Hensey,14.Damien Martin, 13. David Fen-nell, 12. Chris Gethings, 11.JamesSynyde, 10. Odhran McIntyre, 9.Danny Madden, 1.Ger Molloy, 2.Nick Berry, 3.Daniel Cronin, 4.

David Molyneux, 5. DarraghHanlon, 6. Mark Kenedy, 7. PaulMcNiff, 8. Damian Egan.Replacemens used; Daryl Daly andD Connell.

REUNION NIGHT ON 22NDJAN.Plans are at an advanced stage forthe first of the clubs 5 Annual Re-unions. Being honoured Sat weekare the winning teams of 2006,2001, 1996, 1991, 1986, 1981,1976,1971, 1966,1961,1956,1951,1946, and 1941.Lots of surprise guests. Did youKnow that the Club Captain in1966 won 19 caps for Ireland andthe No 9 that season also played forand Captained Ireland.The celebrations K.O. after theLeinster League match against CoCarlow which starts at 5.00pm.All members and friends are wel-come.

NEXT WEEKEND;Sun Coolmine v TullamoreLeinster League Div 1.A @ 2.30pm Coolmine 2nds v Tullamore2nds Leinster Seconds [email protected]

Tullamore 3rds v Birr 2ndsLeinster Provincial 3rds League @2.30pm. (Maybeswitched to Saturday Night.)

Clara GAA Notes By Mike Mullen, Clara GAA PRO.

Running water was in short supply allaround Offaly this Christmas but any-one who was experiencing shortageson St Stephen's Day would have donewell to visit Ferbane GAA groundswhere there was plenty of it flyingaround the place in balloon format.

Such chaos can only of course meanit was time for the annual StStephen's Day charity event, whichthis year was a Cycle, jog and obsta-cle course triathlon in aid of MuscularDystrophy Ireland. The difficult trav-elling conditions made it awkward fora lot of people to make the journeyinto Ferbane, however a healthycrowd still showed up and dug deepinto their pockets to ensure that al-most €1300 was raised for a charitythat was hugely relevant to the localcommunity following on the deathearlier this year of Stephen Devery ofBallyvora Grove.

The day's sporting action, which sad-ly was missed by all the national tele-vision networks, involved a cyclefrom the GAA pitch to the nearbyHeritage centre, where bikes andteam members had to be brought backdown to the pitch by wheelbarrow. Astewards enquiry was called whenone team was handicapped with a flattyre on their barrow, however thesteward was busy throwing flour atother teams and so could not give averdict. Once the teams made theirway back to the GAA pitch, a combi-nation of goal targets, netting, tyresand round bales were put in place tomake what should have been a simple

lap around the pitch as difficult aspossible. Local members of the un-derage club, showing the same zestfor action that they displayed all yearin a very successful season, ensuredthat no flour or water balloons wentastray and that all participants were asrefreshed as possible on their journeyaround the field.

The action concluded in the morecontrolled environments of Gleesonsand Hineys later that day, where theFestive Season and spirit of Christ-mas ensured that further fundraisingefforts went really well, thanks in nosmall part also to the generosity ofseveral sponsors from around thecommunity.

Ferbane St Stephen's DayCharity Event

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Dooley’s Pre-Cast ConcreteLentils. Panel Fencing, Pillars, Cills,

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Tim RyanMonumental Sculptor

HEADSTONESLimestone, Marble & GraniteIrish Celtic CrossesStone Cleaning & Inscriptions

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MARY’S FOOT HEALTH CLINICTake your first steps to healthy feet

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To RentCommercial/Storage Units to rent, Dur-row, Tullamore, Co. Offaly. Tel: 087-9866000

Turf / FirewoodVariable sizes of truck loads of grade Ablack hopper turf, ash and beech sea-soned firewood, peat for cattle bedding,gardening, etc. Deliveries to nenagh andBorrisokane every Thurs. And Friday.Phone 087-1413236 iss16

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(For up to 25 words. Over 25 words add .25c per wordHighlight your classified ad with a colour background €10

Place a box around your ad and include photo €20Payments by Credit Card or Laser - Minimum of €10

Classified Ads €5 per issue (line adverts)

You can pay for all ads byCredit Card or Laser

To place a classified ad post ad with payment to:Laois Offaly Tatler, Curraghgraigue,

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Bonhams for Sale Beautiful multi-col-oured piglets for sale. Outdoor breed.Thriving well. Male and female. Tel;086 4021659

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The Laois Offaly Tatler is published by the Tipp Tatler which has been operatingsuccessfully for over 8 years. We pride ourselves on consistently delivering realresults to our loyal advertisers. If you think you can help businesses in your areaincrease sales and grow profits, then please contact us. Your County needs you!

Tiles & Timber Flooring Ltd.

Professional fitting service available

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in confidence?

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Birr Carpets & Furnishings Ltd.Complete Home FurnishingsFitting Service Available

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LOCAL SERVICES - LOCAL SERVICES

Sudoku for Kids!Every row, column and minigrid must contain the numbers1 through 4.  Don’t guess  use logic!

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Cryptic Crossword

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E: [email protected]

Solution to crossword in last issue (No.11)

2 3 3 4

4 12 4

ACROSS1. Tabby Ryan put out, in West Cork, where the Whiddy Is-land oil terminal is. (6,3)6. The ma is confused in the Royal part of Ireland , once a sep-arate province, together with Westmeath. (5)9. Lovely Beany! (anag.) 6 across scenic area from Trim toDrogheda. (5,6)11. Pine for Irish men? (3)12. Girl seen in Clonmel lengthways. (5)14. "---- a Catholic, always a Catholic. That's the rule." MaryO'Malley. (4)15. Rob hen and be subject to the system of laws governingancient Gaelic society. (6)19. He's glad you'd mingled with the founder of the GaelicLeague and first President of Ireland in 1938. (7,4)21. Castrated ram sounds unsure as to which of the two choic-es to make! (6)23. "The years like great black ---- tread the world." Yeats. (4)24. Trash about these ancient forts being fairy rings .......... (5)27. ............. but fairy is seen in a Clonmel forest. (3)29. Ferry live if over Anna Livia's Dublin flower! (5,6)30. Ventured into the Kildare demesne. (5)31. Credible mix-up with Garda leader in picturesque Kildarevillage home of Dean Swift's love 'Vanessa'. (9)

DOWN1. Leo, by turning, comes to Roscommon town at the base of theCurlew Hills near Lough Key. (5)2. Take a small bite out of the pen tip to start with. (6)3. Beam on artificial fibre from wood pulp. (5)4. Meaty complaint? (4)5. Once around the sun. (4)6. "In Winter, the ---- goes to the cow's horns." Irish Proverb (4)7. Open invitation to each and all in Delgany on each visit. (6)8. Spare hole dug up in Westmeath village named after a traditionthat Hugh de Lacy made a spectacular equestrian jump over thecastle drawbridge. (9)10. He'll ring via roundabout way to famous Wexford site of1798 battle near Enniscorthy. (7,4)

13. "It is not that I half knew my ------, I knew half of her: thelower half" Flann O'Brien. (6)15. Rub leg in distraction when he plays reveille. (6)16. No dud land turned over in village on outskirts of Belfastclose to Stormont. (9)17. He married 13 down with a sudden noise. (3)18. Not even seen in Hollywood demesne. (3)20. Fear of a mistake after tea apparently. (6)22. Yet sad about having remained. (6)24. Pass it on in Greenore Ferry context. (5)25. Soundly burn writer of 'The Aran Islands' (1871-1909) (5)26. Void confusion for Roman who wrote "Far hence, keep farfrom me, you grim women". (4)27. A Norse of a different colour? Red in his case!28. How to repair the tooth in Glengarriff illustration. (4)

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This article is based on how to counselmale abusers, but much of it could beapplied to females. It is a big challenge.As a humanistic person-centred coun-sellor I must put myself in the shoes ofthe person who comes to me for coun-selling, and I have to have empathy forthem. It is very easy to have empathywith a victim, but not so easy with anabuser. I base my empathy, however, onmy belief in the goodness of all humanbeings (recognising that all people havea shadow side and ugly traits and behav-iours), although, as I have said in aprevious article, I do not counsel sexualabusers. I would, however, gladly coun-sel all other types of abusers, not onlybased on my philosophy, but on thesatisfaction of helping an individualovercome and cease abusive behaviour,and in so doing break a cycle and pre-vent the suffering of victims, and thecreation of future abusers.Couple counselling, batterer interven-tion programmes and anger manage-ment courses are sometimes consideredas good ways of helping abusers to stoptheir behaviour. I am not sure what thesituation is in Ireland, and I do not knowif there are any batterer interventionprogrammes in this country. It is betterto contact the local HSE region to getinformation on this. At any rate researchhas shown that batterer intervention pro-grammes have a very low rate of suc-cess. They do, however, help batterersbe aware of their behaviour, and a bat-terer can learn in a group setting howabuse hurts their partners and their chil-dren. Groups also hold men accountablefor their behaviour, and provide a set-ting for positive change. On the otherhand the abuser is surrounded by violentmen and may not be inclined to revealthe inner pain that often promotes abu-sive behaviour.There are anger management pro-grammes available in Ireland but it isstrongly and rightly argued that angermanagement programmes are not theway to treat domestic violence. Abusemay not be based upon anger, althoughit does have a place in abuse. Angermanagement programmes may help theabuser control violent behaviour but itwill not restore a relationship.Neither is couple counselling a goodway to help batterers deal with theirabusive behaviour. Very often when thequestion of violence comes up the abus-er becomes defensive, clams up or sim-ply does not return for further sessions.He may also try to control the sessionand use it as an opportunity to furtherblame the unfortunate victim. Worsestill, the victim’s assertions may arousehis anger further, and leave her open tofurther more severe abuse at home,

where she is unprotected. On the otherhand victims may be afraid to disclose.Further, the fact that the victims have toattend the counselling sessions may givethe impression that they are in some wayresponsible for the abuse. Overall, I be-lieve that couples counselling is unpro-ductive if not dangerous.Individual counselling is vital alongwith any programmes that are availablefor abusers. But for successful counsel-ling the therapist must be aware of cer-tain facts. I have said in a previousarticle that there is a low rate of healingamong abusers, and not only must thecounsellor be well educated in whatabuse is and the characteristics of abus-ers, but must also be aware of how abus-ers are likely to behave when beingcounselled.The first thing for the counsellor to re-member is that abusive behaviour is achronic condition, and it can take yearsto make a lasting change. It has beenestimated that 75% of men in the U.S.who are on supervision continue to as-sault their partners. One of the aspectsthat make counselling abusers difficultis that they continue to have contactwith their victims. Indeed the victimsmay love the abusers and see them asgood providers, thus reinforcing the ten-dency in abusers to deny that they areabusers or to minimise it.

(continued in next issue)

Jim O’Shea works as a counsellor fromFurze, Thurles. Ph. 087 8211009www.jimoshea.net . JimO’Shea’s book‘When a child dies. Footsteps of aGrieving Family’ is published by Ver-itas. The royalties from this book willgo tosthe Children’s Hospital in Crum-lin.

Counselling

By Jim O’Shea

Counselling men who batter, and stepsthat all abusers can take to stop abusing

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