Kingdom of Right Relationships Part 5: Loving Self Correctly Matthew 22:34-40; Ephesians 3:20.

Kingdom of Right Kingdom of Right RelationshipsRelationships

Part 5: Loving Self CorrectlyPart 5: Loving Self Correctly

Matthew 22:34-40; Ephesians 3:20Matthew 22:34-40; Ephesians 3:20

Living in Four RelationshipsLiving in Four Relationships

• You can’t escape the necessity of living in four You can’t escape the necessity of living in four relationshipsrelationships– To God To God – To Self To Self – To the significant others in lifeTo the significant others in life– To the worldTo the world

• The good news of the gospel The good news of the gospel – Jesus Christ can enter into a human life and redeem it Jesus Christ can enter into a human life and redeem it

in all four of these relationships!in all four of these relationships!

Love God

Love Others

Serve the World

(Matthew 22:37)

(Matthew 22:39)

(Matthew 28:18-20Acts 1:8)

Worship

Small Groups(Bible Study Classes)

(House Churches)(Personal Disciple-making)

Ministry/Missions(Local, Global)

GodGod

MeMe

Other Other believersbelievers

The WorldThe World

The most important relationship in life = God and me!

The vertical relationship The vertical relationship carries all the weight of the carries all the weight of the horizontal relationshipshorizontal relationships

The Most Important RelationshipThe Most Important Relationship

• The one between you and GodThe one between you and God– There are 3 dimensions of this loveThere are 3 dimensions of this love

• Love of God the FatherLove of God the Father

• Love of God the SonLove of God the Son

• Love of God the Holy SpiritLove of God the Holy Spirit

• They are One They are One – Deuteronomy 6:4 Deuteronomy 6:4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our

God, the Lord is one!”God, the Lord is one!”

– We show our love for each of them differently!We show our love for each of them differently!

– We relate to each person in the Trinity differently!We relate to each person in the Trinity differently!

The CommandmentThe Commandment

• Matthew 22:37-38 Matthew 22:37-38 – Scribe: “Which is the great commandment in the Scribe: “Which is the great commandment in the

law?”law?”– Christ’s answer - “Love the Lord your God” Christ’s answer - “Love the Lord your God” – Love God as Love God as youryour very own God, a personal very own God, a personal

relationship, not a distant relationshiprelationship, not a distant relationship

• Love Commanded Is ControllableLove Commanded Is Controllable– The greatest of all commandmentsThe greatest of all commandments– Is it possible to command somebody to love? Is it possible to command somebody to love? – Yes, love is an act of the willYes, love is an act of the will– We choose to love God no matter how we may feelWe choose to love God no matter how we may feel

An All Encompassing LoveAn All Encompassing LoveMatthew 22:37-38Matthew 22:37-38

• “‘“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.”This is the first and greatest commandment.”

– Nothing must be held back Nothing must be held back

– God holds nothing back when He loves usGod holds nothing back when He loves us

• A person’s total being must be involved in A person’s total being must be involved in loving Godloving God

– ““Heart” - our emotional responseHeart” - our emotional response

– ““Soul” - the will, decision-makingSoul” - the will, decision-making

– ““Mind” - the reasoning component of our loveMind” - the reasoning component of our love

Agape LoveAgape Love

• Romans 5:5 Romans 5:5 – Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of

God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to usSpirit who was given to us

• ““love” = the distinctive Christian word - love” = the distinctive Christian word - agapaoagapao

• Galatians 5:22-23 Galatians 5:22-23 – 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,

longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.law.

• AgapaoAgapao is totally unselfish love is totally unselfish love• A love of which we are capable only through the Holy SpiritA love of which we are capable only through the Holy Spirit

– A love which desires only the highest good for its A love which desires only the highest good for its objectobject

Loving GodLoving God• The Father’s Highest Good - John 17:1-5The Father’s Highest Good - John 17:1-5

– To glorify HimTo glorify Him

• The Son’s Highest Good - Philippians 2:9-11The Son’s Highest Good - Philippians 2:9-11 – Exalt His name above every nameExalt His name above every name– Bow your knee to Him and worship HimBow your knee to Him and worship Him– Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the

FatherFather

• The Spirit’s Highest Good – Philippians 2:13The Spirit’s Highest Good – Philippians 2:13– To allow Him to do His work in our lives!To allow Him to do His work in our lives!

• Do Not Resist the Spirit – Acts 6:10; 7:51Do Not Resist the Spirit – Acts 6:10; 7:51• Do Not Quench the Spirit - 1 Thessalonians 5:19Do Not Quench the Spirit - 1 Thessalonians 5:19• Do Not Grieve the Spirit - Ephesians 4:30Do Not Grieve the Spirit - Ephesians 4:30• Be Filled with the Holy Spirit – Ephesians 5:18; John 12:3Be Filled with the Holy Spirit – Ephesians 5:18; John 12:3

Loving SelfLoving Self

• Your Highest Good = Obeying God!Your Highest Good = Obeying God!– Do you want to lease self or please God?Do you want to lease self or please God?

– Ephesians 3:20-21Ephesians 3:20-21

20.20. Now to Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or thinkabundantly above all that we ask or think, , according to the power that works in us, according to the power that works in us,

21.21. to Him to Him bebe glory in the church by Christ Jesus to glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Loving SelfLoving Self• The focus of your life is either to please self or The focus of your life is either to please self or

to please God to please God – Mark 8:34-35 Mark 8:34-35

34.34. When He had called the people to Himself, with His When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. follow Me.

35.35. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.save it.

– 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 14.14. For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus:

that if One died for all, then all died; that if One died for all, then all died; 15.15. and He died for all, that those who live should live no and He died for all, that those who live should live no

longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.rose again.

Loving Self Is Not CommandedLoving Self Is Not Commanded Matthew 22:36-40 Matthew 22:36-40

• Jesus gives Jesus gives twotwo great commandments: great commandments: 1.1. Love God with all your heart, soul, and mindLove God with all your heart, soul, and mind

2.2. Love your neighbor as yourself Love your neighbor as yourself

• There is There is no third commandno third command to love yourself! to love yourself!– Jesus is saying, "as you Jesus is saying, "as you alreadyalready love yourself" love yourself"

• Indicates a state of current existence, Indicates a state of current existence, notnot a command a command

– Jesus knows we already love ourselves Jesus knows we already love ourselves – He commands us to love others the same way – with He commands us to love others the same way – with

agape loveagape love

No One Hates Himself!No One Hates Himself!

• Rather, he loves, cherishes, and nourishes Rather, he loves, cherishes, and nourishes himself himself

– Ephesians 5:29 - For no one ever hated his own Ephesians 5:29 - For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the churchdoes the church

• Man’s problem is that he pays too much Man’s problem is that he pays too much attention to self, not too little attention to self, not too little

– Philippians 2:21 - For all seek their own, not the Philippians 2:21 - For all seek their own, not the things which are of Christ Jesusthings which are of Christ Jesus

– When we seek our own, we are When we seek our own, we are alwaysalways falling short falling short of God’s glory!of God’s glory!

No One Hates HimselfNo One Hates Himself

• Constant temptations to self-centeredness in Constant temptations to self-centeredness in your life your life

– Devastating to the Body of Christ and to your own Devastating to the Body of Christ and to your own walk with the Lordwalk with the Lord

– These are sins!These are sins!– They must be confessed and overcome if you are to They must be confessed and overcome if you are to

mature as a child of God mature as a child of God

Self-centerednessSelf-centeredness

Romans 6:12-14 Romans 6:12-14 12.12. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body,

that you should obey it in its lusts. that you should obey it in its lusts.

13.13. And do not present your members as instruments of And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. members as instruments of righteousness to God.

14.14. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.are not under law but under grace.• By God’s grace, even this sin of self-centeredness will not By God’s grace, even this sin of self-centeredness will not

have dominion over you!have dominion over you!

The Issue of Self-EsteemThe Issue of Self-Esteem

• The wisdom of this world teaches The wisdom of this world teaches • That many of our problems are rooted in a “bad That many of our problems are rooted in a “bad

self-image” or “low self-esteem” self-image” or “low self-esteem” • That you must learn to love yourself before you That you must learn to love yourself before you

can love otherscan love others• That your “perceived” needs must be met so you That your “perceived” needs must be met so you

can help otherscan help others

– All of these views are false - they conflict All of these views are false - they conflict with the truth of God’s Wordwith the truth of God’s Word

The Issue of Self-EsteemThe Issue of Self-Esteem

• Webster's Unabridged DictionaryWebster's Unabridged Dictionary

– Self-Esteem: Undo Self-Esteem: Undo PRIDEPRIDE in oneself in oneself

– Pride: Over-high opinion of oneself; conceit Pride: Over-high opinion of oneself; conceit

– Humility: Absence of Humility: Absence of PRIDEPRIDE or self-assertion or self-assertion

The Biblical View of Self-esteemThe Biblical View of Self-esteem"Low" Self-Esteem "No" Self-Esteem "High" Self-Esteem

Self-degradation (False Humility)

No self-concern (True Humility)

Self-aggrandizement(Pride)

Focus: Self (self-hate)

Focus: God and others Focus: Self (self-love)

Result: Fear and Hiding from who you are in Christ

"Low" self-imageDestructive - serve

self

Result: Worship God

Biblical view of self

Productive - serve God and others

Result: Pride – Worship Self

World calls it a "Good" self-image

Destructive - serve self

The Issue of Self-EsteemThe Issue of Self-Esteem

• "High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)– Proverbs 16:18Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty

spirit before a fall

• "Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)– Matthew 10:34-39 - Matthew 10:34-39 - If you try to save your life by focusing on If you try to save your life by focusing on

self, you will lose your life instead of saving your lifeself, you will lose your life instead of saving your life– Self-belittlement, self-exaltation, and self-pity all indicate a Self-belittlement, self-exaltation, and self-pity all indicate a

preoccupation with selfpreoccupation with self– Inordinate attention to self = the exact opposite of God’s Inordinate attention to self = the exact opposite of God’s

commandments to love Him and otherscommandments to love Him and others– Self-focus prohibits the development of a Christ-like servant Self-focus prohibits the development of a Christ-like servant

attitudeattitude

The Issue of Self-EsteemThe Issue of Self-Esteem

• "High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)

• "Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)

• "No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)"No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)– 1 Peter 5:5 - 1 Peter 5:5 - Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves

to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another,

and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but

gives grace to the humble.”gives grace to the humble.”

The Issue of Self-EsteemThe Issue of Self-Esteem

• "High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)

• "Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)

• "No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)"No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)– 1 Peter 5:51 Peter 5:5

– Ephesians 2:8-10 - Ephesians 2:8-10 - For by grace you have been saved through For by grace you have been saved through

faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of

works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship,

created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared

beforehand that we should walk in them.beforehand that we should walk in them.

The Issue of Self-EsteemThe Issue of Self-Esteem

• "High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)

• "Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)

• "No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)"No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)– 1 Peter 5:51 Peter 5:5

– Ephesians 2:8-10 Ephesians 2:8-10

– 2 Corinthians 9:8 -2 Corinthians 9:8 - And God is able to make all grace abound And God is able to make all grace abound

toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things,

may have an abundance for every good work.may have an abundance for every good work.

Seeing Ourselves Correctly Seeing Ourselves Correctly As God Sees UsAs God Sees Us

• A true view of self comes from an A true view of self comes from an understanding of who you are in Christ understanding of who you are in Christ

– Constant danger of letting the world define us Constant danger of letting the world define us instead of Godinstead of God

– Often we shape our self‑image by the attitudes and Often we shape our self‑image by the attitudes and opinions of opinions of • Our parents, spouses, teachersOur parents, spouses, teachers

• Our peer groups, culture, societyOur peer groups, culture, society

– Performance‑based acceptancePerformance‑based acceptance• None of us are immune to the effectsNone of us are immune to the effects• Makes us think that we must try to earn God's acceptanceMakes us think that we must try to earn God's acceptance

– Only when we define ourselves by the truths of the Only when we define ourselves by the truths of the Bible can we discover who we really are!Bible can we discover who we really are!

The Biblical Doctrine of GraceThe Biblical Doctrine of Grace

– Humbles us without degrading us Humbles us without degrading us – Elevates us without inflating usElevates us without inflating us– Tells us that apart from Christ, we have nothing and Tells us that apart from Christ, we have nothing and

can do nothing of eternal valuecan do nothing of eternal value– We have become new creatures in ChristWe have become new creatures in Christ– We have been transferred from the kingdom of We have been transferred from the kingdom of

darkness to the kingdom of his light, life, and lovedarkness to the kingdom of his light, life, and love– In Christ we enjoy In Christ we enjoy

• Complete forgiveness from sin Complete forgiveness from sin • Limitless privileges as unconditionally accepted members of Limitless privileges as unconditionally accepted members of

God's familyGod's family

Who Does God Say I Am?Who Does God Say I Am?Conformed to His ImageConformed to His Image by Kenneth Boa by Kenneth Boa

• I am a child of God I am a child of God – John 1:12John 1:12

• I am a branch of the true vine, and a conduit of Christ's lifeI am a branch of the true vine, and a conduit of Christ's life– John John 15:1, 515:1, 5

• I am a friend of Jesus I am a friend of Jesus – John 15:15John 15:15

• I have been justified and redeemed I have been justified and redeemed – Romans 3:24Romans 3:24

• My old self was crucified with Christ, and I am no longer a slave to My old self was crucified with Christ, and I am no longer a slave to sinsin

– Romans 6:6Romans 6:6

• I will not be condemned by God I will not be condemned by God – Romans 8:1Romans 8:1

• I have been set free from the law of sin and death I have been set free from the law of sin and death – Romans 8:2Romans 8:2

Who Does God Say I Am?Who Does God Say I Am?Conformed to His ImageConformed to His Image by Kenneth Boa by Kenneth Boa

• As a child of God, I am a fellow heir with Christ As a child of God, I am a fellow heir with Christ – Romans 8:17Romans 8:17

• I have been accepted by Christ I have been accepted by Christ – Romans 15:7Romans 15:7

• I have been called to be a saint I have been called to be a saint – 1 Corinthians 1:21 Corinthians 1:2

• In Christ Jesus, I have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and In Christ Jesus, I have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption redemption

– 1 Corinthians 1:301 Corinthians 1:30

• My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who dwells in me My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who dwells in me – 1 Corinthians 3:16, 6:191 Corinthians 3:16, 6:19

• I am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with him I am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with him – 1 Corinthians 6:171 Corinthians 6:17

• God leads me in the triumph and knowledge of Christ God leads me in the triumph and knowledge of Christ – 2 Corinthians 2:142 Corinthians 2:14

Who Does God Say I Am?Who Does God Say I Am?Conformed to His ImageConformed to His Image by Kenneth Boa by Kenneth Boa

• The hardening of my mind has been removed in Christ The hardening of my mind has been removed in Christ – 2 Corinthians 3:142 Corinthians 3:14

• I am a new creature in Christ I am a new creature in Christ – 2 2 Corinthians Corinthians 5:175:17

• I have become the righteousness of God in Christ I have become the righteousness of God in Christ – 2 2 Corinthians Corinthians 5:215:21

• I have been made one with all who are in Christ Jesus I have been made one with all who are in Christ Jesus – Galatians Galatians 3:283:28

• I am no longer a slave but a child and an heir I am no longer a slave but a child and an heir – Galatians Galatians 4:74:7

• I have been set free in Christ I have been set free in Christ – Galatians 5:1Galatians 5:1

• I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places places

– Ephesians Ephesians 1:31:3

Who Does God Say I Am?Who Does God Say I Am?Conformed to His ImageConformed to His Image by Kenneth Boa by Kenneth Boa

• I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God – Ephesians 1:4Ephesians 1:4

• I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ – Ephesians 1:7Ephesians 1:7

• I have been predestined by God to obtain an inheritance I have been predestined by God to obtain an inheritance – Ephesians 1:10‑11Ephesians 1:10‑11

• I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise – Ephesians 1:13Ephesians 1:13

• Because of God's mercy and love, I have been made alive with Because of God's mercy and love, I have been made alive with Christ Christ

– Ephesians 2:4‑5Ephesians 2:4‑5

• I am seated in the heavenly places with Christ I am seated in the heavenly places with Christ – Ephesians 2:6Ephesians 2:6

• I am God's workmanship created to produce good works I am God's workmanship created to produce good works – Ephesians 2:10Ephesians 2:10

Who Does God Say I Am?Who Does God Say I Am?Conformed to His ImageConformed to His Image by Kenneth Boa by Kenneth Boa

• I have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ I have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ – Ephesians 2:13Ephesians 2:13

• I am a member of Christ's body and a partaker of his promise I am a member of Christ's body and a partaker of his promise – Ephesians Ephesians 3:6; 5:303:6; 5:30

• I have boldness and confident access to God through faith in I have boldness and confident access to God through faith in Christ Christ

– Ephesians Ephesians 3:123:12

• My new self is righteous and holy My new self is righteous and holy – Ephesians Ephesians 4:244:24

• I was formerly darkness, but now I am light in the Lord I was formerly darkness, but now I am light in the Lord – Ephesians Ephesians 5:85:8

• I am a citizen of heaven I am a citizen of heaven – Philippians Philippians 3:203:20

• The peace of God guards my heart and mind The peace of God guards my heart and mind – Philippians Philippians 4:74:7

Who Does God Say I Am?Who Does God Say I Am?Conformed to His ImageConformed to His Image by Kenneth Boa by Kenneth Boa

• God supplies all my needs God supplies all my needs – Philippians Philippians 4:194:19

• I have been made complete in Christ I have been made complete in Christ – Colossians 2:10Colossians 2:10

• I have been raised up with Christ I have been raised up with Christ – Colossians Colossians 3:13:1

• My life is hidden with Christ in God My life is hidden with Christ in God – Colossians 3:3Colossians 3:3

• Christ is my life, and I will be revealed with him in glory Christ is my life, and I will be revealed with him in glory – Colossians 3:4Colossians 3:4

• I have been chosen of God, and I am holy and beloved I have been chosen of God, and I am holy and beloved – Colossians 3:12Colossians 3:12

• God loves me and has chosen me God loves me and has chosen me – 1 Thessalonians 1:41 Thessalonians 1:4

Biblical Self‑loveBiblical Self‑love

• Loving ourselves correctly means seeing ourselves as Loving ourselves correctly means seeing ourselves as God sees usGod sees us

– The Bible exhorts us to look to Christ, not to self, for the The Bible exhorts us to look to Christ, not to self, for the solutions to lifesolutions to life

– This will never happen automatically!This will never happen automatically!

– The Biblical teaching of human depravity and human dignity The Biblical teaching of human depravity and human dignity is against everything the world teaches!is against everything the world teaches!

– To genuinely believe the reality of who we are in Christ To genuinely believe the reality of who we are in Christ requires requires

• Consistent exposure to the Word of GodConsistent exposure to the Word of God

• Fellowship and encouragement of like‑minded believersFellowship and encouragement of like‑minded believers

– Without these, the visible will overcome the invisibleWithout these, the visible will overcome the invisible

Grace & LoveGrace & Love

• Only Biblical grace deals with both human Only Biblical grace deals with both human depravity and human dignitydepravity and human dignity

– Avoids the extremes Avoids the extremes • Pride and spiritual arrogance Pride and spiritual arrogance • ““I'm worthless and no good” I'm worthless and no good”

• The most important thing about us is not what The most important thing about us is not what we do but who and whose we are in Christwe do but who and whose we are in Christ

– Our actions flow out of our being – out of who we Our actions flow out of our being – out of who we areare

– John 13:3-5John 13:3-5

Grace & LoveGrace & Love

John 13:3-5John 13:3-53. Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His

hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God,

4. rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself.

5. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.

The better we understand who we are in ChristThe better we understand who we are in Christ– The more our actions reflect Christ-like characterThe more our actions reflect Christ-like character– The more we can love our selves and others correctly, the The more we can love our selves and others correctly, the

way God doesway God does– The more we can glorify God!The more we can glorify God!