“Kids These Days!” Connecting with and Preparing At-Risk Youth for Workplace Success A 2-part webinar series hosted by OH Dept of Jobs & Family Services.

““Kids These Kids These Days!”Days!”Connecting with and Preparing At-Risk Youth for Workplace Success

A 2-part webinar A 2-part webinar series hosted by series hosted by OH Dept of Jobs & OH Dept of Jobs & Family ServicesFamily Services

With Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NC

““Leave Me Leave Me Alone!Alone!””

“Wait! Don’t Go...”

“Wait! Don’t Go...”

Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NCInsights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled YouthInsights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled Youth

A webinar hosted by OH Dept of Jobs & Family ServicesA webinar hosted by OH Dept of Jobs & Family Services

Dr. Steve Parese

I am Dr. Steve

Parese

Educational and workforce specialist from NC

Do you work every day with

“Difficult Kids?”

Part 1:Part 1:How can we How can we

improve improve relationships byrelationships by understanding understanding self defeating self defeating

patterns?patterns?

Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NCInsights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled YouthInsights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled Youth

Part 2:Part 2:How can we How can we

improve improve relationships byrelationships by

avoiding power avoiding power struggles?struggles?

Part 3:Part 3:How can we How can we

improve improve relationships by relationships by using listening using listening

skills with skills with troubled youth?troubled youth?

Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NCInsights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled YouthInsights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled Youth

01/24/2011 7

Wilderness SurvivalWilderness Survival

What does it take to What does it take to survive through hard survive through hard

times?times?

8

1. How to escape a mountain lion attack

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Open your coat, making yourself bigger and more threatening.

b. Run away as quickly as possible in a zigzag pattern.

c. Mutter “Nice kitty, nice kitty” while slowly backing away!

9

1. How to escape a mountain lion attack

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Open your coat, making yourself bigger and more threatening.

b. Run away as quickly as possible in a zigzag pattern.

c. Mutter “Nice kitty, nice kitty” while slowly backing away!

10

2. How to escape from killer bees

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Freeze and hunker down, or dive into water if available.

b. Run away as quickly as possible to an indoor area.

c. Set out a bottle of honey as a distraction!

11

2. How to escape from killer bees

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Freeze and hunker down, or dive into water if available.

b. Run away as quickly as possible to an indoor area.

c. Set out a bottle of honey as a distraction!

12

3. How to win in a sword fight

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Keep your sword vertical, block & step into opponent’s attack.

b. Keep your sword horizontal, lunging forward to attack opponent.

c. Drop your sword and suggest a visit to the beach instead!

13

3. How to win in a sword fight

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Keep your sword vertical, block & step into opponent’s attack.

b. Keep your sword horizontal, lunging forward to attack opponent.

c. Drop your sword and suggest a tour of Hershey Park instead!

14

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Rub snow onto affected area to increase circulation.

b. Immerse in lukewarm water to rewarm slowly.

c. Take two shots of tequila and call the doctor in the morning!

4. How to treat frostbite

15

4. How to treat frostbite

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Rub snow onto affected area to increase circulation.

b. Immerse in lukewarm water to rewarm slowly.

c. Take two shots of tequila and call the doctor in the morning!

16

5. How to jump off a cliff into a river

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Jump feet first, openings arms and legs after entering water.

b. Curl into a cannonball, rolling to your back before hitting water.

c. Wave your arms and smile for the camera!

17

5. How to jump off a cliff into a river

Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ

a. Jump feet first, openings arms and legs after entering water.

b. Curl into a cannonball, rolling to your back before hitting water.

c. Wave your arms and smile for the camera!

01/24/2011 18

So…So… Did you survive? Did you survive?

01/24/2011 19

Many difficult youth are

simply

SURVIVISURVIVINGNG in a

hostile world.

Part 1:Part 1:How can we How can we

improve improve relationships byrelationships by understanding understanding self defeating self defeating

patterns?patterns?

Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NCInsights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled YouthInsights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled Youth

Self Defeating Self Defeating PatternsPatterns

Troubled youth see themselves and the world from a

fundamentally different perspective, one which creates

a self-fulfilling prophesy of failure and rejection.

For many, PREDICTABLE FAILURE is better than unpredictable

success.

01/24/2011

Most of us want our lives Most of us want our lives to be to be PREDICTABLE.PREDICTABLE.

01/24/2011

Even if theyEven if they’’re justre just

PREDICTABLY PREDICTABLY BAD.BAD.

01/24/2011

Do you remember theDo you remember the Break Up Break Up

Conversation? Conversation?

Psychological DynamicsPsychological Dynamics

1. AGGRESSION

FEELING: Anger

World is DANGEROUS.

To survive, always strike first.

BEHAVIOR: Fight, threaten, yell, control or intimidate others, damage property.

Psychological DynamicsPsychological Dynamics

2. PASSIVE-AGGRESSION

FEELING: Resentment

World is UNFAIR.

To survive, hide your real feelings.

BEHAVIOR: Sarcastic, mean, undermine adults, gossip, manipulate

3. AVOIDANCE

FEELING: Depression

World is UNFORGIVING.

To survive, escape your problems.

Psychological DynamicsPsychological Dynamics

BEHAVIOR: Isolate, shut down, get high, sleep, hurt self, refuse help, don’t show.

Psychological DynamicsPsychological Dynamics

4. DEPENDENCY

4. DEPENDENCY

FEELING: Anxiety

World is SCARY. To survive, find a protector.

BEHAVIOR: Whine, cling to adults, demand help, do anything for friends.

Which pattern do you see?Which pattern do you see?

Avoidant Dependent

Perry: “I tell you what bud, I got no clue. Guess you think I’m stupid now, right? It’s not like YOU’RE Mr. Perfect. I’ve seen your desk, and CLEARLY you have some organizational issues...”

Four youth are going through a practice job interview. Each reaches a question which s/he cannot answer, and feels

stressed.

Passive Aggressive

AggressiveAggressive

2. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

Which pattern do you see?Which pattern do you see?

Avoidant Dependent

DJ: “Can you give me a hint? I really need to get this job. If I don’t, my parents said they’re gonna kick me out. Maybe just a little hint? Pleeeeease?”

Four youth are going through a practice job interview. Each reaches a question which s/he cannot answer, and feels

stressed.

Passive Aggressive

AggressiveAggressive

4. DEPENDENT

Which pattern do you see?Which pattern do you see?

Avoidant Dependent

Andy: “Smart @$$ people like you are always tryin ’ me. I’m @#$% sick of it, let me tell you. One of these days I’m gonna to slap you upside the head, then we’ll see how smart you are.”

Four youth are going through a practice job interview. Each reaches a question which s/he cannot answer, and feels

stressed.

Passive Aggressive

Aggressive

1. AGGRESSIVE

Which pattern do you see?Which pattern do you see?

Avoidant Dependent

Adrian: “Can we take a quick break? I had a lot of coffee this morning and just need to use the restroom. Don’t go anywhere... I’ll be right back!”

Adrian walks out the door, and never returns.

Four youth are going through a practice job interview. Each reaches a question which s/he cannot answer, and feels

stressed.

Passive Aggressive

Aggressive

3. AVOIDANT

Key Point #1Key Point #1Key Point #1At-risk children and youth often adopt negative mindsets which let them predict how people will react to them.

Aggression, passive aggression, avoidance and dependency are examples of these self-defeating cognitive behavioral patterns which lead youth to fail, but on their own terms.