Journal

SCHOOL OF ARCHITECTURE, BUILDING AND DESIGN

THE DESIGN SCHOOL FOUNDATION IN NATURAL BUILD ENVIRONMENT

Name: Fong Wen Ying Cynthia

Student ID: 0320499

Group/Session: Monday (4-6pm)

Social Psychology (PSYC0103)

Assignment 1: Individual Journal

Lecturer: T. Shankar

Submission date: 27th April 2015

Entry 1: Social Influence 13th April 2015

I have not told anyone this and I have always said that I would

never open up to anyone about this, but that was before when I

was rather ‘anti-social’ and quite negative about almost everything.

Guess that opening up makes me a different person and for what I

am today. I am rather shy and it makes me feel regretful. As you

can see that I chose the concept, social influence, which basically

means, an action or thoughts that are affected by others.

I was in a local all-girls’ school back when I was in Primary 4 to

Secondary 3 and was transferred to a mixed gender international

school after my PMR. Being in an all-girls’ school for more than

three years, I was not really comfortable and always feel awkward

around boys. I get nervous every time a boy talks to me; they

would have thought that I was a weirdo.

I had this infatuation over this guy that is a year older than me,

named Chai when he first talked to me; we were both new

students in that school and because of his good looks, his strong

and lean body and fun personality, he became one of the school’s

hunks. We were really close that teachers often mistaken us as

couples, and that was when I was in trouble. I do not mean to

badmouth my high school or being racist but like what the school

disciplinary teacher says, my school is full with spoilt brats. A

group of Chinese girls, younger than me were jealous that Chai

and I were close friends and they actually hate me because of this.

They cyber bullied me on Twitter, threw dead lizards into my

locker, sprayed water into the cubicle I was in when I was

changing my PE clothes.

As girls, we are prone to be more sensitive to criticism about our

appearances. That group of girls made Chai call me fat and ugly, I

tried not to care so much but after my classmates heard him

calling me that, they started calling me fat and ugly. ‘Maybe I am

fat, maybe I am ugly, but do you have to shove it into my face like

that?’ was all I could say. I started forcing myself to vomit after

eating and run on the treadmill like as if a dog is chasing me, I eat

only salads and calculate the calories or fats in whatever I

consumed. This went on for about 4 months and I admit that I was

happy back then, because everyone stopped calling me fat after

they saw how scrawny I was.

My parents somehow came to school one day after my homeroom

teacher called them to ask about me. My parents are always busy

and I do not blame them for not being there for me when I was hurt

or bullied, they worked very hard to make sure my brother and I

can have a luxury life but my mom resigned after knowing that I

was a bulimic. I had to consult several psychiatrists and doctors to

make sure I put on weight again. I was really disappointed with

myself, seeing my mom resigning from her dream job and crying

out loud every night because of me, seeing my dad paying all

those medical fees with his sweat earned money and my brother

being so hateful against Chinese because of me. I was more

depressed, then.

I eventually gained weight and maybe too much weight but it does

not matter anymore, I have the confidence now. I learned and

understand that just because others call me fat or ugly, that does

not mean that I have to be affected by what they say. On a brighter

note though, Chai asked me to be his prom date and we danced in

front of them. My mom got her job as a well-known vocal trainer

back but in a different school; dad got promoted and my brother

learned to be strong and to not allow others affect whatever he

does like how it happened to me.

‘Chai and I at Gatsby Prom 2014 J’

Entry 2: Interdependent 16th April 2015

Interdependent is caused

by cultural influences,

collective culture, to be

exact. This simply means a

state where factors rely on

or react with each other. A

change in one equals a

change in the other. Asians

are often known to possess this ‘interdependent’ way of thinking

and behaving.

I always thought that just because I am an Asian, it does not mean

I am interdependent. Well, there was this time where I joined a

camp and there was this part where we have to actually talk and

know what we wish to be in the future. I personally think that I am

a rather ambitious person and I really wish to accomplish one day,

from academic to non-academic.

I was about 15 and talked about being a volunteer, for the rest of

my life, after joining the World AIDS Day campaign back in 2014

and visiting the discriminated ones and their stories really brought

me to tears. Since then, I have always wanted to help the sick, the

poor and the less fortunate ones. I would want to help change the

world, every one counts! I find volunteering provides both physical

and mental rewards. It somehow reduces my stress and makes

me happier whenever I talk to them and make them feel

comfortable and seeing someone sad and broken smile definitely

brightens my day.

However, this made my dad rather disappointed and told me not to

take volunteering as my lifetime career. He said that this does not

determine my future and would bring problems to me, as a

volunteer would not have high pay and so on. I agree with him

without any doubts but this made me realize one thing. According

to psychology, independent is when an individual prioritize his or

her own happiness more than anything else and I am definitely not

an independent person no matter how much I think I am. I did

matter of how my dad thinks and even thought of my future kids, if

I am only a volunteer, I would not have time to take care and see

them grow up and obviously, I may not have enough money to

bring them up.

I am an Asian and as Asians, we have the interdependent thinking

and we are prone to think of what our family members or friends

think of the choices me make. People would see us as good

friends; obedient children while independent people would be

labeled adventurous and bold. Hence, my choice of choosing to be

quantity surveyor and only volunteer when I have the time, not as

a full time career but once in a while.

Entry 3: Self-Actualization 17th April 2015

The self-actualization is the highest level of the Abraham Maslow

Hierarchy of Needs and is said that it is the most seldom level

reached but it is the result of the inner-directed drive of human to

grow, improve and use their potential to the fullest; the full

realization of one’s potential and of one’s true self.

Since young I have always looked for a place for comfort and

somewhere I can be myself. As the eldest in the family, I have to

the thought that I should make sure my younger brother does not

go through the pain I went through when I was younger or I am

going through now. My family is not broken and I am thankful with

all the small little things that made me happy but it is rather

depressing sometimes.

Life was hard and my parents even sent me to several

psychiatrists to ‘help’ me, I find it costly and useless. Most

psychiatrist only made me cry more and made me do things I do

not find help in doing, like writing a list of what makes me sad and

stuffs like that; but I stopped going for appointments eventually. I

read books about self-healing such as Chicken Soup for Teenage

Soul and even I learnt to be strong myself.

I know I sound dramatic but I have seen people getting hurt

mentally, those who got marginalized for reasons I do not know

and even got discriminated. I was bullied and I know how it hurts, I

know how it is like to be alone. I have seen my friend’s tears too

many times; I remembered when she told me how her other

friend’s ran away from her. Anthea asked them where they wanted

to have lunch and waited for them outside of the toilet but she saw

them walking out of the toilet from the other side, wanting to avoid

her. I mean if you do not like a person, you do not have to go to

the extent of hurt him or her. Well, that was before I knew Anthea. I

realized that Anthea was alone and decided to be friends with her

and we are close friends until now.

I may not be able to make myself better from sad things and I

know I may not be able to heal myself and everyone completely;

but it makes me happier and more at peace. Songs like ‘Titanium’,

‘The Broken Ones’ and so many other inspirational songs helped

me cope. In the previous entry, I mentioned that I would not take

volunteering as my lifetime career but I would still help out as

much as I can. I would want to heal as many people as I can. I

would want to change the world; I believe that every person

counts. Hence, this is who I believe I am.

Entry 4: Ingratiation 18th April 2015

Ingratiation is a

psychological technique in

which an individual

attempts to be more

attractive or likeable to

others by controlling other’s

impressions of you through

flattery or praise. This

reminds me of my current landlady, Mrs. Wong. She is a retired

tutor and rents her old house in PJS 7 only to university students. I

got to know this house through the ibilik.com and decided to make

a visit. I obviously had a few other choices but ended up renting a

room is Mrs. Wong’s house. She is very particular with the house

cleanliness and one thing I like about her is that, she prepares duty

roster every year for every tenant in the house to clean but it is the

way she makes sure everyone does his or her job is what that is

annoying.

I moved in around August last year and the moment I signed the

one year contract with her, she taught me how to sweep, how to

mop, how to dust and how to everything. I already know how to do

all of those but she wants us to see how she do it no matter what.

Being new and wanting to have a good first impression of me to

her, I listened and nodded my head.

Now, my course, FNBE, is known for the ‘free sleepless night

package’ when you enroll into this course and of course I was as

dead as a zombie but still did my duties at home. I remembered

that there was this day when she called me during one of my class

and shouted at me for not doing my duty and one my housemates

complained that I did not do clean the house. God, I did my duties

and I swear I did because I cannot stand sandy and dusty floors as

well. She made me went home during my class and lectured me. I

know this is really unbelievable but actually said that I would not be

able to find a husband when I grow old because I do not know how

to do simple housework and even called me ugly indirectly.

Later that night, one of my housemates, Jaclyn, from upstairs

came down and knocked on my room door, telling me that she

heard everything when Mrs. Wong came over. Jaclyn told me that

stayed in this house for about two years now and she experienced

what I have had experienced and told me that no one complained

and that this is Mrs. Wong’s way of handling tenants. She said that

Mrs. Wong often said I complained to her that Jaclyn did not do

her duties as well and the more you answer her back, the more

she will haunt you in your daily life.

I was really annoyed by her and grew hatred for her, every time

she text or call me about me not doing my job, I would just hang up

or ignore her text. Around December last year, I was almost kicked

out of the house until one day, she called me again and I decided

to pick up.

I listened to her rants and complain once and for all and answered

her really politely. I would say, “so sorry, Mrs. Wong. I didn’t think

far enough like the way you think.” and “thank you for your advice,

it really did help me. You’re such a good mother material person!”

at almost everything she said. Maybe because I was in a good

mood and happened to not have any grudges against her that day.

Right before she wanted to hang up, I wished her, happy holiday

and boy! It was the first time I heard her laughing and she wished

me back.

From that day onwards, she treated me better and did not bug me

at all and even texted me a smiley face twice. Jaclyn told me that

Mrs. Wong claimed that I improved and is proud of me. Did not

know that ingratiation is such a powerful technic to control other’s

impressions of me through flattery.

Entry 5: Racism 21st April 2015

Racism is the belief that all members of each race possess

characteristics or abilities specific to that race, espeicially so as to

distuinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races. This

reminds me of a story that happened not long ago, when I was

having my mid-semester break and decided to spend time with

one of my cousin, Gigi, in Cananda. Since she is studying mass

communication, she loves wearing make up and would visit make

up stores like M.A.C, Sephora and so on. I remembered that I

always say make up are for typical girly girls and I would never

want to use it, but as I grow up, I learned that make up is infact

very, very useful and I find it somehow interesting.

Back then, M.A.C had a Cinderella collection and trust me, it is

extremely fascinating. It launched in early March so Gigi and I

finaly decided to get a the Cinderella, Free as A Butterfly lipstick

after a long period of hesitation. We went to the nearest shopping

mall, Yorkdale Mall in Toronto.

Well, we have both heard a lot of horrible stories about the M.A.C

staffs and how they do not treat you right and only serve people

who they think are worthy of their time. I was actually nervous that

we would get treated like this but because of Gigi’s optimistic

opinion, we still insisted on going. So when we walked into the

M.A.C store that day, it was quite crowded but since we only

wanted the Butterfly lipstick, we decided to find it ourselves.

Unfortunately, Gigi was caught up with the concealer department.

A concealer has different shades and she knew that the NC20 or

the NC25 shade suits her, she still wanted to get second opinion or

someone to double check for her. That would obviously not be me

even though she asked me about my opinion but really, I know

really little about make up.

So Gigi and I were at the concealer counter, swatching different

tones. She was not sure which tone suits her best because, to me,

NC20 and NC25 look almost the same, so she decided to get help.

We scanned the place and found two staffs talking to each other

rather loudly instead of helping the other customers. As we got

near them, ‘excuse me,’ I said. And can you believe, the staff gave

me the dirtiest look ever. She frowned and rolled her eyes at me

and Gigi. We stood there blankly because, how are we supposed

to react to that? We somehow got her attention and asked if she

could help us with the concealer. She kissed her teeth and rolled

her eyes. Again.

Thinking that we did not want their help anymore, we walked back

to the concealer counter and continue swatching. At the corner of

my eye, I saw a different staff walking towards us and felt as if we

were saved! And one of the girls from earlier shouted, ‘Don’t help

her, she’s Asian, she’s not gonna buy anything.’, I was still looking

at the staff who was about to help us and she started backing off.

We looked around the store and realized that we were only the

Asian in the whole store. I know how people see Asians as cheap

and cannot seem to afford anything and tend to always bargain but

do you know that M.A.C’s motto is, ‘All ages, all races, all sexes.’

What I found interesting was that no one went up to her and say,

hey, that’s wrong, you should not say stuffs like that. Gigi was

brought up in Toronto and she swear this was her first time

experiencing things like that. As an Asian, our parents always

taught us manners and not to fight back. We were in the losing end

as most of the customers around us were whites.

At that time, I was holding the Free As A Butterfly lipstick and Gigi

was still holding on to her concealer. We decided to get as much

other products we can and put them in the small basket M.A.C.

and most shop would provide. Gigi was tall so she took most of

them from the higher shelves, hoping that the staffs would find it

difficult to place it back after; and yup, we were not going to buy

the products that we put in the basket. We went right up to the

cashier and the staff from before said, ‘so you’re ready to pay?’

Gigi placed the basket on the counter and said, ‘no thanks, I’m

worried all these products would make me a bitch like you’.

To be honest, I was dissapointed with Gigi and the staffs’ attitude.

If everyone behaves like this, how would the world be in total

peace at all? I do not see the difference with different races at all,

we are all human, earthlings. We have two eyes, a nose, two ears

and so on. Like that Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, ‘I refuse to

accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless

midnight of racism and war that the birght daybreak of peace and

brotherhood can never become a reality. I believe that unarmed

truth and unconditional love will have the final word.’ Only if the

world will have more love for one another………. Only if the world

listen to “Where’s The Love” by The Black Eye Peas and “Black

Tie White Noise” by David Bowie everyday and actually feel the

meaning of songs like this!

Entry 6: Self handicaping 22ndApril 2015

Self handicaping is

intentionally creating

obstacles to our own

success so that we

have an excuse if we

fail or not meeting

like blaming the

traffic jam for being

late for an exam. When it comes to not having satisfying results, it

would be me. Maybe because I aim too high? There I go again,

self handicaping.

Self handicaping is rather common and I find it unhealthy because,

well, it actually makes you less stress about your failure, causing

you to fail more. Let us get to the reason why I think so, shall we?

I remembered during my early years in high school, I was really

ignorant and somewhat overcondfident, thinking that just because I

scored straight A’s in my UPSR, I can do well in high school. I

skipped class a lot back when I was in my secondary 1 and 2, I

thought that I was smart enough to actually cope with the high

school syllabus, did not know that Geography and History was

such heavy subjects!

I failed my Geography and History and I still hesitated and did not

want to admit that I was in the wrong instead I lied to myself about

the teacher not being good enough and he did not give any notes.

Trust me, giving excuses for not being good enough feels so great!

It was feels like, nah, it isn’t your fault, you did your best, kind of

feeling!

I was failing almost every Geography and History exam until one

day, I overheard my dad telling my mom about how worried he

was about me. He was worried that the government school does

not suit me and that I could not cope with the syllabus in an all

Malay language. It hurts seeing my dad feeling hurt and decided to

turn into a new leaf and started pulling my socks and picking up

everything that I had lost and I was happy that my results improved

bit by bit and to be honest, having good results feel so much better

than feeling, nah it’s not my fault!

Entry 7: The Illusion of Control 24th April 2015

Illusion of control simply means the tendency for people to

overestimate their ability to control events; for instance, it occurs

when someone feels a sense of control over outcomes that they

demonstrably do not influence. Like how I thought not going

through my Economic notes before my test earlier this semester, I

only redo the exercise Mr Joe gave would be enough for me to get

an A for my test.

Most of us would think that just doing the previous exercises would

be enough for a test, as it is all roughly about what the test would

be like. So with that, I only refered a few times to my notes and

feltso confident that I would score an A. Few days before the test, I

was really chilled and relaxed; and again thought that the more I

relax, I would do better but don’t think it is true anymore……

The test questions seemed really easy and straightforward and I

had high hopes for Economic test but in the end, I got an E

instead. Feeling rather frustrated and annoyed, I rechecked all the

exercises and back to the question paper. “WHY IS EVERYTHING

SO COMPLICATED!” Yeah, that was how frustrated I was then.

I asked around and realized that my exercises answers were

wrong the whole time and my understanding for the two most

important concept were wrong and inverted!

Too bad, Cynthia! I should have participated in the study group

actively before and discuss my answers with them! Having the

belief that only redoing the excerises would help me score my test

with flying results is definitely an example of the illusion of control!