JOM-Lah FIKIR

11

10 Perfectionist Thinking

Definition Expecting everything to be perfectly perfect

Not good enough

Examples

ldquoI must be able to help everyone in my lifehellipI must get straight Arsquos in this examrdquo

ldquoI should have no pain at all and be fully recovered before I can start moving on with liferdquo

ldquoI must make sure everything is in order before I leave my houserdquo

12

5 Ways to Transform Negative Thoughts

Once yoursquore pretty good at lsquocatchingrsquo the negative thinking errors (like having useful computer anti-viral software) we can now learn to change them Before that itrsquos important to remember to relate to the thoughts with a healthy attitude - kindness Try to imagine dealing with them as though yoursquore pacifying a crying baby ndash be gentle Or else yoursquoll end up hating yourself more ldquoOh Shit I have these stupid thoughts againhellipIrsquom really horriblerdquo This perpetuates stress anxiety and depression as thoughts often become

13

more lsquostickyrsquo (emotionally charged and increased in number) when we relate to them with frustration Once yoursquove identified the unhelpful thoughts here are some ways to manage them so that they can become more positive and useful 1 Ask yourself ldquoWhatrsquos the evidence for and against what Irsquom thinking Is there any alternative or more likely explanationrdquo 2 Ask yourself ldquoWhat thinking errors may I be having How can I think in a more helpful way How would I advice a friend or child who is in a similar situationrdquo 3 When you find yourself worrying too much assure yourself ldquoWhat can the worst be It wonrsquot be that bad - Itrsquos still manageable right Itrsquos unpleasant but I can learn to cope with it ndash just do it What can I do about it now (problem solving mode instead of just worrying)rdquo 4 When the reality is painful and canrsquot be changed try to reflect ldquoAm I alone (Probably not eg many others are also facing challenges in parenting ndash we can learn from one another) Could it be worse (Likely yes eg having nose allergy is not as bad as nose cancer ndash be grateful) What have I learned from it to improve on things now ndash things may happen with a good purposerdquo

14

5 Thoughts may not be facts Allow them to come and go like clouds or birds passing through the sky Practice relaxation eg deep breathing to calm the mind first re-examine the thoughts later before believing or acting on them This enables us to respond to our thoughts wisely instead of react impulsively 3- step summary on managing our negative thoughts

Other than changing negative thoughts when they are present we can also deliberately generate positive thoughts for happiness ndash through grateful thinking

1 Whenever you feel unpleasant (eg fear) take a few deep breaths to calm the mind

2 Identify the thoughts (eg ldquoIrsquom sure I canrsquot do itrdquo) that are connected with the feeling (eg fear) and behavior (eg avoid challenges)

3 Try to apply the 5 ways to transform our thoughts so that they can to be more positive and helpful

15

Grateful Thinking

Research in positive psychology has shown that grateful thinking generates happiness and prevents stress Below are 3 simple ways (3G) to be grateful count our blessings or appreciate life

1st G ndash Be grateful for something that has gone RIGHT These are our wishes that have come to be

especially those that we have worked hard for (eg proper education scholarship meaningful career successful business comfortable house car professional recognition good marriage children) Rejoice and enjoy the achievements and successes as if they happened just yesterday Getting what we want is happiness Rejoicing everyday in what we have is the art of multiplying happiness

2nd G ndash Be grateful for something that is OK but taken for granted We may take some things for granted

(eg our good health enough food to eat proper place to stay caring and supportive family members) Many others are suffering from diseases physical disabilities wars poverty and lack of basic human needs Donrsquot miss someone or something only when we lose them Cherish them here-and-now

16

3rd G ndash Be grateful for something that went WRONG for a purpose Some things appear unpleasant but come

with valuable lessons This includes being sick in hospital but appreciating life more on recovery failing in an exam but becoming more knowledgeable in the next attempt Everything in life happens for some good purpose Some things go wrong but could have been worse (eg having nose allergy vs nose cancer losing a hand phone vs losing a family member receiving treatment for depression with social support and sharing of experience from those with depression

vs suffering alone) Herersquos another simple and effective way to remind us to practise grateful thinking ndash itrsquos called lsquoGoogle-WWW-

Yahoorsquo It means repeatedly trying to

lsquoGooglersquo (search) for 3 WWWrsquos (What Went Well) everyday and lsquoYahoorsquo (rejoice) on the WWWrsquos In other words deliberately try to pay attention to things that went well in life ndash success blessings and other positive events For examples 1 Went for holidays 2 Finished writing a book 3 Compliment from boss Do this regularly (eg before sleep) itrsquos part of mental hygiene for happiness

17

Acknowledgment

We would like to thank the following online services for providing the use of photos and graphics in this book

bull Pixabay httppixabaycom

bull MorgueFile httpwwwmorguefilecom

bull Wikimedia Commons httpcommonswikimediaorgwikiMain_Page

bull Open Clip Art Library httpopenclipartorg

bull FreeFotocom httpwwwfreefotocomindexjsp

bull Front cover picture purchased from Shuttlestock httpwwwshutterstockcom

18

Resources on CBT

Books 1 Edelman amp Sarah (2013) Change Your Thinking Positive and Practical Ways to Overcome Stress Negative Emotions and Self-defeating Behaviour Using CBT Sydney South NSW HarperCollins Australia 2 Rosenvald Therrie Tian PS Oei amp Marco Schmidt (2007) Fight Your Dark Shadow Managing Depression with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Beachmere Qld Depressionmanagedcom

3 Tian PS Oei (2007) A Group Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Program for Anxiety Fear amp Phobias Toowong Private Hospital Australia

Websites

1 The MoodGym Training Program httpsmoodgymanueduauwelcome

2 Living Life To The Full httpwwwllttfcom

3 E-Couch httpsecouchanueduaunew_userswelcome01

CBT ndash Cognitive Behavioral Therapy