joe dempsie / ade edmondson / screen room - LeftLion

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#28 · April-May 2009

joe dempsie / ade edmondson / screen roomdh lawrence: the naughty tram / nottingham events listings guide

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editorial

creditsEditorAl Needham ([email protected])

Editor In ChiefJared Wilson ([email protected])

Art DirectorDavid Blenkey ([email protected])

Deputy EditorsNathan Miller ([email protected])Charlotte Kingsbury ([email protected])

Technical DirectorAlan Gilby ([email protected])

Marketing and Sales ManagerBen Hacking ([email protected])

DesignerTom Wingrove ([email protected])

Art EditorFrances Ashton ([email protected])

Literature EditorJames Walker ([email protected])

Music EditorsNatasha Chowdhury ([email protected])Paul Klotschkow ([email protected])

Photography EditorDominic Henry ([email protected])

Theatre EditorAdrian Bhagat ([email protected])

ContributorsAlison EmmAly StonemanDavid ThompsonDuncan HeathFrances AshtonGlen ParverRob CutforthRoger MeanSteve McLay

IllustratorsGing InferiorRikki MarrRob White

PhotographersBeccy GodridgeChristina BarbianLizzie GoodmanToby Price

Podcast OverlordWill Forrest

“THE TRUTH: Some fans picked pockets of victims. Some fans urinated on the brave cops. Some fans beat up PC giving kiss of life.”

The Sun, lying out of its arse, April 19 1989

If you would like to reach our readers by advertising your company in these pages please contact Ben on 07984 275453 or email [email protected]

LeftLion has an estimated readership of 40,000 in the city of Nottingham. LeftLion.co.uk received over 4 million page views in the last 12 months.

LeftLion is distributed to over 300 venues across Nottingham. If your venue isn’t one of them, please contact Ben on 07984 275453 or email [email protected]

This magazine is printed on paper sourced from sustainable forests. Our printers are ISO 14001 certified by the British Accreditation Bureau for their environmental management system.

contents LeftLion Magazine Issue 28April - May 2009

04 May Contain NottsThe news diary that licks mushy peas off your sister whilst dressed as Alvin Stardust

05 LeftEyeOnA delightful smattering of Nottinghamian pictorial whatnot

06 Hillsborough The story of a national tragedy, recounted from the other side of the stadium

08 A Canadian In New BasfordOur Rob gets tret to a slap-up meal at top-notch sophisticated dining experience, er, Hooters

10 The Vinyl SaluteWhy the demise of Selectadisc is such a blow to the city, by a former employee

11 Live AdeAdrian Edmondson on his new band, his old mate, and a disturbing tale of pork pie abuse

12 King Skins Joe Dempsie phones home to talk about Chris Miles and The Damned United

14 Kester AspdenThe author of the most important book you’ll read this year talks ‘Yorkshire Noir’

16 DH Lawrence the Naughty Engine A Tramtastic tale for all the family – as

long as they don’t mind references to vomit and public sexual intercourse

18 Artist Profiles Jon Rouston, Debra Swann, Harriet Startin and Sam Clift

19 The Littlest Big Screen We take you inside the Screen Room (but only twenty of you at a time, obviously)

20 Joined-Up ThinkingThe return of Dot To Dot

21 Nottingham Events ListingsEight weeks of stuff to do when you’re not working or sleeping

26 Write LionThe latest literary musings

28 ReviewsAn all-Notts selection of the crispiest cobs for your lyrical snap tin

30 Notts Trumps Plus Horrorscopes, The Arthole and LeftLion Abroad

The mighty Selectadisc,one of the best independent record shops in the country, is no more. Former employee Steve McLay pays tribute to Nottingham's favourite shop...

..

The title alone was enough to sink my heart from its jovial Friday high to a sullen low; Selectadisc In Nottingham Is Set To Close.

Comments on local forums, industry websites and blogs would chime with the phrases ‘credit crunch’ and ‘death to digital’ as people praised

a 43-year-old legacy that started with a few books and records on a market stall.

As mourners came to lay keyboard-typed wreaths to this ‘legendary independent’, they spoke of the rarities they’d uncovered, the bands they’d seen

hunched playing in front of the counter and the piles of vinyl they’d escorted from the premises into their own. People were mourning Selectadisc’s passing like the

fall of an empire that had once threatened to invade the Market Square, before being pinned back for its last stand under the shadow of the Theatre Royal.

As when my Gran died, it’ll take me years to walk past Selectadisc, like it did with her house, without having my heart strings snapped at, like the bass from a

Washington hardcore band resonating from the shop’s doors. Here was a place that provided some of the most enchanting, passionate, comical and heart-warming moments

that post-war Nottingham has hosted. A two-way theatre where the cast and punters would interchange depending on what side of the counter they were stood and who was

taking the spotlight. Having worked there, it was also the place that helped shape my life; my career as a journalist, the sounds on my stereo and some of the greatest friends I have.

One Saturday at the age of seventeen, I turned up on Market Street, rather fuzzily-eyed after a night of dancing away at the Marcus Garvey Centre, for my first day as a Saturday lad. Rather than, as I had hoped, being quizzed about Guided By Voices singles or Jeff Mills aliases I wasinstead given three things; a mop, a shopping list and a pile of CDs to put back in the racks. After two weeks of burning the candle at both ends and exhibiting somewhat lethargic behaviour the next day I had earned the nickname ‘Lightning’.

I wasn’t the only one; Gary X-Ray, Tommy Teapot, Thrash, Matt Tatt, Nail, Bell, Urn, Tubs, Schmo, Fish, Goose, Monkey, K-9, Panther, Waino, Detail, Metal Ed. . .even the innocuous-sounding Basil (so-called because of having a tendency for returning records for being ‘faulty’) all lent themselves to a bizarre list of aliases. Sure, it was a musical Mecca, but it took a triumphantly calamitous mix of people to make it so, whether they be a mild-mannered hip-hop head (Rachel), pogoing front man (Punish the Atom’s Joey),

globally-loved bass player (Mark Pitchshifter), giggling DJ (Dave Congreve) or aspirational promoter (Detonate’s James).

If Selectadisc was a theatre, then Fergus was certainly the pantomime baddie. Owner of the most scornful ‘Can I help you?’ in the Midlands and with a reputation for

‘bluntness’, he was renowned as the weekend retail version of Simon Cowell (if Cowell had specialised in drum ‘n’ bass and techno). After a few Saturday mornings

of working the singles store I realised that not only was he a likeable chap, but that having seventeen year-old bum-fluff kids demanding you play a

pile of happy hardcore records at 9am in the morning does not make a bright outlook for the day.

With a reputation that spread across the Atlantic, the customers were far more colourful than the ones in your local branch of Greggs. Metallers would hassle Simon Tilton, mums-with-lists would comically mispronounce the names of angst-ridden bands, spectrum-coloured, middle-aged men would cling to the counter for conversation and weekend warriors would buy tickets to the latest Tribal Gathering. All this set in a scene of poster-clad walls where Basil beavered around with his clipboard, Jim marshalled everyone while clutching another pile of obscure train journey DVDs, and Sue’s Barnsley cackle broke through even the deepest dub bassline.

For those who cared to look - or those that already knew - the walls and pillars behind the counter may have seemed littered with promo posters and stickers for albums and gigs, but closer inspection would reveal an endless montage of images doctored with drawn-on glasses, beards (for Bell), big noses (for James) and catchphrases (regulars and staff alike). The wall of media from musicians advertising for like-minded fellows might have chronicled the history of the customers, but those till-side highlighted the endlesscharacteristics and traits of people as mischievous as an Oasis-obsessed Moony or a coiled punk soul like Dickie.

Even when you left, you never truly escaped the reaches of the Selectadisc family. Ten years after I worked there, I'd still receive invites to the Christmas party (my Dad even got invited once when Sue rang my parents' house) and I still to this day refer to it as 'The Shop'. Selectadisc was a living and breathing community, where friends would drop in to spontaneously organise after-work pints, talk music, talk football, swap shit jokes and buy a few tunes while constantly influencing (often subliminally) those that stepped within. Were it not for Selectadisc's existence, there would be a completely different list of names in my phone, my personal career as a journalist might not have been so open-eared and eyed and my list of hangovers would doubtless be a lot shorter. More so than school, college or anywhere else I’ve worked, the shop was the biggest social influence of my life. Now, it’s gone.

All good things don't have to come to an end, and there's hope that Selectadisc will rise again, under Jim's guidance, at a smaller location. And while the beat of the heart, passion and diverse quality will doubtless remain the same, there'll be elements that are lost forever (Little Ben's stomach-churning emissions that cleared the shop on more than one occasion will however not be missed).

Brian Clough said not to bring him flowers when he was dead, but to bring them when he was alive. Those keen enough to feast on the cheap closing down sale might've done well to heed these words earlier (myself in recent years included), but you can't blame Selectadisc's closure solely on spending patterns, MP3s, credit crunches or anything else. The factors just continued to stack.

Regardless, we'll be left with a hole much bigger than that of a 12” and the community will begin to disperse with no central focal point. Never again will you get such a jumble of music-heads assembled in a Nottingham store. The beat goes on but the heart has stopped. Of all the rarities that people pillaged from there over the years, I acquired something that will stay with me forever. A nickname. God bless you Selectadisc.

independent record shops in the country, is no more. Former employee Steve McLay pays tribute to Nottingham's favourite shop...

10 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue28

When a condition is terminal, there’s nothing more daunting than theinevitable. Usually in such cases, the sadness is offset slightly by the knowledge that any pain and suffering would at least cease. On 27

February 2009, as I sat surfing the Nottingham Evening Post’s website, there was no such relief.

08 10

On the afternoon of April 15, 1989, I was trapped in a lift at the Co-Op in Broadmarsh Centre. I had the worst Saturday job ever, which involved sitting in the goods lift and being made to take an endless stream of fat Mams who couldn’t be arsed to use the stairs up to the top floor every thirty seconds. I was even more pissed off than usual that day, as Forest were playing Liverpool in the FA Cup and I couldn’t get any kind of reception off my Walkman radio.

At about five past three, the security guard who looked like Dennis Weaver (the bloke in Duel and McCloud) dropped by. “Have y‘eard? Game’s been stopped. Fookin’ Scaahsers are kicking off again”. We both did that Nana-ish facial expression that all true Nottinghamians do to register disapproval - tilt head back, raise eyebrows, form mouth like cat’s arsehole, tut - and I cracked open my book and waited for the next fat Mam to summon me. And waited. And waited. And waited.

After thirty minutes, confused as to why no-one was mashing my button, I ventured onto the shop floor. The place was deserted. And then I noticed the telly department, with half of Broado crowded round it, watching 96 people die on Grandstand in total silence. Everyone there knew at least one person at the ground. Nobody knew what was happening to them.

And then, when Bob Wilson announced that it was the Liverpool end who was involved, the weirdest transformation; from unbearable tension to sheer relief to overwhelming sadness, all in the space of two seconds. Later that day, the bus home drove past Forest supporters on their way back from Hillsborough. You couldn’t bring yourself to look them in the face, or imagine what they’d seen.

Twenty years later, we’ve talked to a few people who were there in an attempt to piece together the Nottingham side of the story, and that article – along with an interview with the writer of a book about institutionalised racism and the final word on the closing of Selectadisc – means that this issue is pretty heavy manners. And we make no apologies for that; there’s no point relentlessly banging on about how mint Notts is if you don’t highlight the shittier elements.

But fear not, dear reader; we also take the time to have a natter with Adrian Edmondson (and were delighted to discover that our older readers might have scoffed a pork pie made by Vyvyan out the Young Ones over a quarter of a century ago), have a nose round the Screen Room, and send our resident CanAlien Rob off to Hooters. And please note that we’ve revamped our reviews section to give even more Notts bands a shine, and the fact that all the usual knick-knacks that make LeftLion so much better than the other rammell are present and correct. Thanks for picking us up.

Word to your Nana,

Al [email protected]

16

MEET THE TEAMTom Wingrove Designer

Workaholic. Designer. Installation maker. Illustrator. Concept designer. Art director. Cat enthusiast. Filmmaker. Cider lover. Dance whore. Comic collector. Bread-maker. Friend-maker. Staring champion. Music collector. Sci-fi freak. Time-waster. Hello.

Frances Ashton Arts Editor

A former Gallery Manager of Southwell Artspace, Frances now works for the Council’s Creative Room. When not checking out exhibitions and studios, she can be found on the dancefloor., Oh, and she wants to learn snowboarding and become the Director of the Tate Gallery.

08 10 16

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue28 3

MAY CONTAIN NOTTSFebruary 2009-March 2009


Selectadone

I suspect the Selectadisc people would say that too many of us were already going to t’internet for our music needs... iTunes does not, to my knowledge, have people working behind the counter who can help you discover something you’d not previously heard of.

khongor

True, but it’s a shame that the vinyl dept can’t be saved at least. A move to smaller premises in a cheaper part of town is plausible surely? Apparently Selectadisc started out as a mere market stall. Perhaps a tactical retreat is in order?

Haych

The future of retailing recorded music is bleak whether in shops and online because, bottom line, the customer doesn’t want to pay anymore. It’s very easy to get your music for free, and difficult to force people to pay. That affects Amazon and HMV as much as it does Selectadisc, and I can’t see that changing.

Transmetropolitan

Actually I do want to pay for some music. I gave my mate back a cdr of the last Roots Manuva album as I want him to get the royalty. It goes like this: are they alive? Are they minted? Are they Tories? If dead, were they nice or horrible to their kids?

Floydy

I’ve met and been friends with a couple of the staff and they are very nice people, but something about standing behind that counter seemed to give them a holier-than-thou attitude that I really didn’t like. Still, sad times though.

Mr BRJ

I was afforded the best, most laconic put-down in the nineties, when I asked for Johnny Panic’s When I Drink I Love You More. The shoe-gazer kid didn’t even look up from beneath his perfect indie fringe, pointed to one of his colleagues and flat-lined ‘He does pop.’ Ouch.

Basia Zamorska

Me and the K absolutely battered their staff one night at the music quiz at the Social. They got Selectadissed.

Lord of the Nish

Run! Giant Robin Hood statue full of restaurants is coming!

I personally fully support the idea of having a very tall building in Nottingham for the sake of tourism. However, the whole Robin Hood motif is a bit of a new angle. It’s going to take a good team of artists and architects to make that not be shit...

Jared

They should have a giant Brian Clough as well with a massive bar in his head.

daley thompson

Great idea, will be shot down by people who hate progress. If not the council just won’t have the balls to say ‘yes’ to this project. Shame.

Nottingham

I don’t hate progress and I’m shooting it down. From a tiny biplane circling ‘round its head.

New Jersey Manufacturer’s Insurance Co.

Ironically if the Robin Hood statue was to actually happen, the most interesting part of skyline would be the thing you are viewing it from.

Pete Spectrum

Nottingham businessman proposes giant statue of Robin Hood (again). Stupid, numpty, whiny, opinionated, parochial, professional Midlander, pea brained, fat arse business idiot. With twats like him in the county why does he even wonder why London gets everything? Answer: ‘cos they have all the clever business people.

myeviltwin

I feel that anything that would overshadow the iconic incinerator dominating the city’s southerly aspect would be a tragic blow to our heritage.

Albert Herring

with Nottingham’s ‘Mr. Sex’, Al Needham

February 9‘Smokey’, the city’s most prolific tagger, gets sent down for twenty weeks for, well, making tourists assume that we’re all mental about the rammell seventies band who did Living Next Door To Alice and looked like failed experiments in trying to clone Rod Stewart. Oh, and if there are any taggers out there reading this, pack it in, because you’re shit. There is a world of difference between Seen and Shy 147 breaking into a train depot in Style Wars and covering a carriage in art, and you writing your stupid name that no-one can even read on the shutters of a cob shop in Sherwood.

February 10David Cameron visits Nottingham for the day, in order to give off the impression that he gives a single, solitary monkey’s arse about us.

February 11Two cars in Gedling collide with such force that one of their engines flies off and lands in someone’s front garden, bringing back horrifying memories of the time when that plane with a full cargo of knackered old sofas crashed into that juggernaut full of fucked fridges in Sneinton.

February 12Former Atomic Kitten Liz McClarnon comes to Nottingham to promote pork at Clarendon College. And now, after writing those lines, I want to sharpen two pencils, shove them up my nose, and bash my face repeatedly against the table.

February 13A charity is set up to get Tales Of Robin Hood reopened. So if you get hassled in the street by a robot in tights that stinks of piss when you’re on your dinner hour, now you know why.

February 14A dark day for the Nottingham music scene, as an audition in Carlton for a member of a Take That tribute band (not Robbie or the fat lad – one of the other twats) attracts precisely no-one. “I am astonished. I thought there was supposed to be two million unemployed” says the band’s manager. “The lucky man will earn good money and travel the world. Doesn’t anyone want a taste of the pop star life?”

February 16Cast, the bar at the Playhouse which had shut down the previous month, re-opens. I’m now convinced that there actually isn’t a recession at all - bars in town are only saying they’re shutting down to get their names in May Contain Notts and make me look an idiot. Hmph.

February 18It is announced in Hollywood that Nottingham, that new film about Robin Hood that’s been hanging about the pages of MCN like a pissy whiff in a Debenhams doorway on a Sunday morn, is now going to be called – wait for it – Robin Hood. Whoa. It must have took ‘em ages to come up with that.

February 23Talking of which, a local businessman announces plans to build a bleddy enormous Robin Hood on the outskirts of town, the batchy bogger. The plans include – disturbingly – a restaurant somewhere below his belt. Hm, shall we have a romantic meal in Robin Hood’s ball-bag tonight, darling?

February 25Metallica play the Ice Arena, resulting in the greatest Evening Post forum quote ever, from ‘Brian of Grantham’; “the best 2 bands in the world r guns n roses and metallica and seein gnr at milton keynes in 93(with long hair)was possibly the best day of my life.....the 2nd best day was when i saw metallica at download 2006(again with long hair)....i ve now had my hair cut off as i got it caught in a tractor last september”

February 27Selectadisc announces that it’s shutting down after 43 years, resulting in half the city bashing its hands against its head, even though most of them hadn’t been in there since Fear Of A Black Planet came out on import, this writer included. We’re all to blame on this one, people. We should be ashamed of oursen.

March 2The Nottingham Eye, midway through its second stint of showing people what it would be like if they were the world’s tallest Emo, is forced to change its name after the people who run the London

one get a mard-on and are scared that Japanese tourists might turn down the chance to look across the Thames and have a goz at Primark instead. So they change it to the Wheel of Nottingham, which is bob. Not only does it sound like something you’d find on the menu of a carvery, but it also implies that we’ve only got one. Making us sound like, I dunno, Mansfield or summat.

March 3One of our local happy-go-lucky mentalists is given an ASBO banning him from being in certain parts of town, drinking in public and touching cars. So what does that mean – if you ran him over, he’d get done for it?

March 4The Mecca Bingo club in Beeston puts on a search for a bingo caller in Viccy Centre, but no-one volunteers. Speaking as a former bingo caller myself, I can tell you that it’s a fantastic job if you like wearing extremely tight black Sta-Prest trousers and having your arse mauled by elderly women sporting home-made coathanger tattoos that read ‘DAVE’ and ‘BAY CITY ROLLERS’, who pull you onto their knees and screech “I’ve ‘ad bigger lads than yo’, duckeh” into your tab. March 10Snug gets its lapdancing licence application knocked back by the Council (for the usual reasons – i.e. the fear that town would be full of sex-crazed locals masturbating in the streets like bored monkeys in zoos), despite claiming that they would be offering a ‘highbrow burlesque event’ (i.e. sucky middle-class girls pratting about in their Nana’s knickers) and looking to book Dita Von Teese - which is not unlike the Thurland trying to get a music licence by saying they’re going to have a word with Prince and seeing if he’s up for doing a turn. Nice try, chaps, but Dita Von Teese? You’ve got more chance of getting Rita from Bees…

March 11…ton.

March 12 After leaving the Golden Fleece with a young friend, May Contain Notts witnesses a chatty youth rip open the nub-end bin, rummage through it, and shout; “EE’YAR, CARL! AH’VE GORRUS SOME FAGS!”

March 18Heartwarming story of the bi-month: Pete Doherty, in town to play a gig at Rock City, spends the afternoon getting kaylide in the Old Angel, where he gets approached by two already battered members of mature punk band Certified (latest CD Piss In Your Face out now, kids), who ask if they can play support. Pete, obviously in a good mood that the papers are now wondering when Jade is going to snuff it instead of him, lets them. Next thing you know, they’re on stage, bellowing at a venue full of twatty students. Who says dreams don’t come true?

March 19A postmaster in Sneinton announces he has banned customers who can’t speak English properly from his post office. Yes, that’s right; Sneinton. He then gets nobbed off by the owner and kicked out by the party he serves as a councillor for, but claims that he will impose the ban in his new post office in Netherfield. Yes, that’s right; Netherfield.

LeftEyeOnWhat’s been goin’ on raand Notts recentleh, through the lenses of our camera folk...

Top left to bottom right

The exhibition space.

SHRUG Ladies perform on the opening night.

Alex Godwin with her untitled triptych.

David Baird with his protrait of Des Coleman.

Ed Bowness sits between two of his illustrations.

Sasha Leech stands aside his works Street Repeat and Approaching Crowd.

A selection of the work from this exhibition is now showing at the Golden Fleece, with several artworks for sale.

Images from Our Style Is Legendary, the exhibition of work featured in this mag from the last five years, at the Malt Cross…

Top left to bottom right

The exhibition space.

SHRUG Ladies perform on the opening night.

Alex Godwin with her untitled triptych.

David Baird with his protrait of Des Coleman.

Ed Bowness sits between two of his illustrations.

Sasha Leech stands aside his works Street Repeat and Approaching Crowd.

A selection of the work from this exhibition is now showing at The Golden Fleece, with several artworks for sale.


www.leftlion.co.uk/issue28 76 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue28

Nottingham Forest are about to play Liverpool in the semi-final of the FA Cup. Liverpool are on for the Double. Forest are bidding to win three cups in a season. It’s expected to be the match of the season. It turns into British football’s darkest day.

Hillsborough was a national tragedy, but it wasn’t our tragedy. Nevertheless, there are thousands of people in Nottingham who had to stand and watch 96 people die. This is just a fraction of their story.

Phil Gilborn, Spion Kop end: Forest-Liverpool games were always special in the eighties. We were the team that beat them in the League Cup final and knocked them out of Europe when they were at their peak. There was a proper rivalry going. They were the best two teams in the league at the time.

David Revuetla, South stand: The week before we’d won the League Cup final. Forest were really turning it on, playing some real exhibition football. I remember travelling back on an absolute high, thinking that it gets no better than this.

Ed Collin, South stand: I was at the last year of primary school, talking with my mates about how we were going to go, and queuing up at the City Ground on a Sunday morning. We got seats for the stand next to the Liverpool end.

Stephen Lowe, South stand: We had massive difficulty getting tickets. It wasn’t until the morning of the game that we got them, from someone in Brownes. So three of us got the train up.

Noon. Liverpool supporters travelling by car are held up by unannounced roadworks on the M62.

Mark Shardlow, commentator, BBC Radio Nottingham: I’d spent the night in Leeds the night before, so I was travelling with the Liverpool fans. It was a typical pre-match atmosphere; a lot of people out enjoying themselves, and a high-profile police presence. But that was nothing out of the ordinary for the time; we were still in the hooliganism era.

Martin Goddard, South stand: I remember driving up, on a beautiful sunny day, thinking this was it; the missing piece in Cloughie’s trophy cabinet was about to be filled.

Ed Collin: I went up on the early train with my mate and his dad and brother, feeling nervous about the game and being so close to the Liverpool supporters.

David Revuetla: We got in quite early, around half one, and straight away you could see the centre pens were jam-packed, while the side pens weren’t. You could actually see the terracing, which was strange. 2.30pm. There is a huge build-up of Liverpool fans outside the Leppings Lane stand. People inside are turned away from the two already full central pens with no access to the side pens, creating a bottleneck.

Stephen Lowe: We got there just before kick-off. It was chaos. We got separated and I found myself in the Leppings Lane end, surrounded by police horses. Beyond them, I could see God knows how many Liverpool supporters waving tickets. And then one of the stewards, not looking at my ticket, waved me towards the tunnel. I could already see lots of people in there. I turned to a young copper and said ‘I think I’m the wrong place’. He - immediately, bless him – pushed me underneath one of the horses.

Martin Goddard: From the stand, it was very obvious that there was a bunching of fans behind the goal at the Liverpool end, and people were being pulled up to the top tier. The general reaction was ‘typical Scousers, at it again’.

3pm: The game kicks off without delay. The police, fearing a crush outside the ground, order the exit gates to be opened.

Stephen Lowe: At that moment, all the horses were pulled back to the side, and the Liverpool support ran towards me in a massive wave. I managed to scramble over the barrier, and watched this…wave…go up the tunnel.

Martin Goddard: Both teams were really going at it. But it was hard to drag your attention from the Liverpool end. You could tell that something wasn’t right.

Phil Gilborn: The first indication we got was when Peter Beardsley took a corner, stopped, and started looking around. And then they started coming over the fence.

Radio Nottingham commentary: ‘There’s been just a little bit of a disturbance at Hillsborough…the Liverpool fans are just packed too tightly in the Leppings Lane end... about two or three hundred of them who have just spilled onto the pitch – some clutching their legs as if they’ve been bruised… there’s just no room...’

Ed Collin: Someone shouted ‘Fucking hell, they’re invad-ing the pitch!’ They were pouring over the fence and into

the goalmouth. A load of lads in t-shirts running about all over the place, and us assuming that they’re rioting. 3.04pm: Peter Beardsley hits the crossbar for Liverpool.

David Revuetla: And that was it. There was the inevitable crowd surge, more people started spilling onto the pitch, and you thought ‘here we go’.

3.06pm: A policeman runs onto the pitch and consults the referee. Radio Nottingham commentary: ‘Something quite sensational… the fans don’t agree with the referee quite astonishingly, the teams have come off the pitch… is that in the interest of safety?’

David Revuetla: The ref blew the whistle, and we just thought; ‘Bloody hell’. Absolute resentment towards the Liverpool end.

Ed Collin: Liverpool fans were pouring over the fence, like a tsunami. I can still see the faces of kids pushed up against the bars.

Mark Shardlow: When you see a police officer on the pitch to stop a game, you’re aware that something has gone seriously wrong. And then, from about six minutes past three, we’re describing people being lifted from the terracing onto the pitch. 3.10pm. Radio Nottingham commentary: ‘There’s one spectator running across the pitch… while many of his Liverpool fellows are down being treated in the goal area… TV cameras and press photographers taking pictures… and still, Liverpool supporters are trying to get away from that area… about 300 policemen… people being stretchered away… ’

Phil Gilborn: The Kop end didn’t realise what was hap-pening at all, so we started chanting and singing;generally ‘Ah, come on, get on wi’ it’. The Liverpool fans thought we were taking the mick. Martin Goddard: Rumours were flying around that Liverpool fans had arrived late and charged the gates without tickets. The police seemed to be paralysed. We were expecting the Liverpool fans to charge us. Mark Shardlow: People are ripping down the advertising hoardings to use as makeshift stretchers, and cutting the netting off the goals. And I find myself talking about people being given mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on the pitch. Realising that we’re now talking about a major incident. Stephen Lowe: And then the stewards moved in very quietly, and turned to face us and said; ‘Don’t move’. A lot of us asked ‘Can we do anything to help?’ But we were just told no, it was OK, everything was in hand.

Ed Collin: Some Liverpool fans came over to the stand and told us that the police had fucked up, and pushed too many people through.

The full version of this article is available at www.leftlion.uk/issue28

Phil Gilborn: There was one lad with a bald head and no top on being carried from their end of the pitch to ours. And then more of them came over. We were dumbstruck.

David Revuetla: The first people over the top still stand-ing – the first survivors, if you will – were lined up by the police against the wall. And they had to be moved for their own protection. Forest supporters, not comprehending what had happened, were giving them some really vile abuse.

Mark Shardlow: Remember, this is before mobile phones, so Forest supporters would have been in the dark if they didn’t have a radio. I suspect a lot of fans of a certain age would be thinking about 1974, when Newcastle fans invaded the pitch and stopped an FA Cup game that Forest were winning.

Stephen Lowe: Everything suddenly seemed to go into slow motion, where nothing seemed to happen. And then people were being laid out in front of us on the grass. And then a young Liverpudlian lad came over to us and said; ‘They’re dead. They’re dead. Dead people here.’

Martin Goddard: And then a single, solitary ambulance trundled onto the pitch. And we’re sitting there, almost as if it were a film. Thinking ‘This can’t be real.’ But we still thought the game would restart.

3.16pm. The only medical staff at the scene are a St John’s ambulance crew. Forty four ambulances have been called to Hillsborough. Only one is allowed in by the police. It has to turn back due to the overwhelming amount of people who need help.

Mark Shardlow: We still didn’t realise the severity of the situation. And of course, Mansfield and Notts County were playing, and we had to break off from time to time to update on that. How trivial does that sound now? But as time went on, football became less and less important. I could see people who were really stricken and people who were clearly seriously injured, but I never thought ‘that’s a dead body’ while I was on air. And I’m constantly stressing ‘This is not the Forest end, this is not football hooliganism, something has happened here and it’s serious, but it’s not football hooliganism’.

Ed Collin: I can see people on stretchers who are obviously dead. I can see people on the pitch who are a weird colour. I can see Liverpool fans who are very, very agitated. But I’m eleven at the time. It doesn’t really sink in. David Revuetla: Even when it was absolutely clear that this was a disaster, there were a handful of Forest sup-porters who were still smirking and gesturing. And I’ll never comprehend that for as long as I’ll live. I can still see their faces. At one point it looked as if Forest fans were going to turn on each other.

3.30pm: The first tannoy announcement is made, asking fans to clear the pitch.

Mark Shardlow: …and our reaction was; where are they going to go? Back into the terrace? Nobody had thought to inform the fans of the situation, and it was clearly – clearly - obvious by then that the game wasn’t going to happen. Stephen Lowe: The main thing I can remember is the silence. The conversation up the stand was like the quietest Chinese whisper.

Phil Gilborn: Eventually, Dalglish and Clough came out. They just stood there, as confused as everyone else.

4.11pm: The first fatalities are announced. Eight reported dead. The gym beside the stadium is converted to a makeshift mortuary. Martin Goddard: As we left, Graham Kelly, secretary of the Football League, was being interviewed and fans of both teams were shouting ‘You greedy bastard, this is your fault.’

4.15pm: Finally, the match is officially abandoned.

Phil Gilborn: Even when the game was called off, you still couldn’t take it in. A lot of people just stayed there, staring at the pitch. You couldn’t believe what you’d seen with your own eyes.

Martin Goddard: We walked back to the car, in silence, past queues and queues of people for the phoneboxes.

Mark Shardlow: By the end of the programme, at six o’clock, we had announced thirty casualties.

Martin Goddard: We heard on Grandstand that the death toll was fifty two people. Which was like a hammer blow.

Stephen Lowe: On the train, everyone with radios was trying to work out what had happened. It must have been weird for people passing through Sheffield to suddenly see all these people in red shirts getting on in shock, looking as if they’d just walked out of a nightmare. David Revuetla: The journey back was horrendous. A never-ending funeral procession. No scarves and flags hanging out the window. We drove home, with the radio on, in silence. And the death toll was going up, and up, and up. Sixty. Seventy. It wouldn’t stop.

Ed Collin: I remember thinking, ‘Oh my God, we’ve been part of something horrible, oh my God, it could have been us. Oh my God, all those people have died. Oh my God, we’ve got to play them again.’ Stephen Lowe: My wife was acting at Derby Playhouse, so we got off at Chesterfield and stood outside thestation manager’s office, listening to his radio. And the count went up. Eighty six…eighty eight…ninety… Martin Goddard: We met up with friends for drinks afterwards, and it seemed the whole city was absolutely stunned. It sounds callous now, but there was a craving to do something normal. Mark Shardlow: As soon as I got home, I had to go out. I didn’t want to, but it was my wife’s works outing, and all I can remember is sitting in a pub, not talking to anyone, looking into the distance. Everyone wanted to know what it was like, but I couldn’t speak. I just wanted to be at home, on my own.

By the end of the day, ninety four people have died and 766 are injured. The ninety fifth dies four days later. The FA reschedules the game for May 7, to be held at Old Trafford.

Mark Shardlow: I can’t even remember if I was there. But I must have been. It was my job to be there. I remember the memorial service at St Mary’s church, and being at the City Ground when they set up all the counselling, but I can’t remember the replay at all.

Stephen Lowe: I remember going. I don’t remember anything about it but the fact that we lost. How weird. I’ve never been able to face an away game since.

David Revuetla: The first day back at work, my boss – a Forest fanatic - asked me about what I’d seen, and he said ‘They deserved all they got. They don’t like it when it happens to them.’ I lost all respect for him.

In 1995, Brian Clough’s autobiography is published. In it, he states that the drunkenness of certain Liverpool supporters was to blame. He apologises in full in 2001.

Stephen Lowe: I wish he hadn’t said it. And I think at the end of the day, he wished he hadn’t said it. What had happened was much more complex than that. Liverpool fans find it very difficult to accept what he said. I know that when we toured Old Big ‘Ead, the Liverpool theatres we approached were extremely quick to refuse to take it.

The final death toll is ninety six. The Taylor Report deduces that a failure of command amongst senior po-lice officers was the main cause, and recommends the removal of fences and a move to all-seater stadia.

Stephen Lowe: There was no-one there checking the tickets. Obviously, they should not have started the game with so many people waiting to get in. The police decision was a tragic one, but I can understand it. I suspect from where I was standing, they couldn’t have guessed how deep and entrenched the tunnel was. And you look back now and think of the fences, it was a tragedy waiting to happen.

Phil Gilborn: There were many times at Forest games where you’d find yourself right up against the fences. It was part of going to football, and you’d laugh about it afterwards. After Hillsborough, you’d think ‘That could have happened to us.’

Mark Shardlow: My take on it is that football supporters as a whole had to take some responsibility for Hillsborough. It wasn’t pleasant to watch football in the eighties, and the fences went up because of the behav-iour of certain people. The police made tragic decisions, but they had a mindset about football hooligans which was promoted by the government. You can blame certain Liverpool supporters for drunkenness, but at Forest now you see drunk fans, because that’s part of the culture of football. And I’m sure the police had their reasons, but surely Liverpool should have got the bigger end. Rather than putting blame on one element, we should all take a bit of responsibility.

Ed Collin: Looking back on it, it feels part of a different era. It’s really important that people remember Hillsborough, and the fact that ninety six people died unnecessarily, just because they wanted to see a game of football.

Martin Goddard: It obviously doesn’t count for anything, but you have to wonder what would have happened to Forest. If they’d beaten Liverpool, they probably would have won the FA Cup and Clough would probably have retired earlier. Who knows? But then you can’t help but think of the gentleman who lost two daughters at Hillsborough, and what they would be doing now – growing up, having kids, enjoying life. What a waste.

Interviews: Al Needham

were still in the hooliganism era. again’.

3pm: The game kicks off without delay. The police, fearing a crush outside the ground, order the exit gates to be opened.

Stephen Lowe: pulled back to the side, and the Liverpool support ran towards me in a massive wave. I managed to scramble over the barrier, and watched this…tunnel.

Martin Goddard: it was hard to drag your attention from the Liverpool end. You could tell that something wasn’t right.

Phil Gilborn: Beardsley took a corner, stopped, and started looking around. And then they started coming over the fence.

Radio Nottingham commentary:little bit of a disturbance at Hillsborough…the Liverpool fans are just packed too tightly in the Leppings Lane end... about two or three hundred of them who have just spilled onto the pitch – some clutching their legs as if they’ve been bruised… there’s just no room...’

Ed Collin: ing the pitch! The full version of this article is available at www.leftlion.uk/issue28

Interviews: Al Needham


I’VE BEEN SURPRISED by many things since I moved to Nottingham. The fact that most English people have full sets of teeth and that it was indeed possible to order a cold beer in a pub, to name a couple. I was also surprised (and a bit saddened) there weren’t more bulldogs, bowler hats or chimney sweeps. However, I never in my wildest nightmares believed that a place like Hooters would stand a chance over here. I thought the Americans had cornered the market on trashy when it came to eating establishments. England is more cheeky than trashy. This is apparent by the fact that you call curry an English dish, and how you endlessly and unapologetically rip off KFC (I laugh every time I pass a Kansas Fried Chicken or an SFC, complete with KFC font - the laughing stops as soon as I tuck into any food that comes from those places, however). Even though we’ve got hundreds of Hootii back home, I’d never actually been inside one. Obviously, I’d heard about the waitresses and even seen the get-up they were made to wear, but it wasn’t until I read the employee handbook on The Smoking Gun website that I realised just how crazy the place is. It’s amazing how specific the handbook gets in relation to the uniform. Here’s my favourite excerpt; ‘Hair is to be styled at all times. No ponytails or pigtails are to be worn. The image to be projected is one of glamour. No bizarre haircuts, styles, or colors are acceptable. No hats or headbands are to be worn. No large hair clips or scrunchies.’ Glamour? The 80s roller-derby chick look exudes many things (outdated and cheap, for instance), but one thing it is not is glamorous. And what exactly constitutes a ‘bizarre haircut’? It takes a brave man to tell a woman what she can and can’t do with her hair. It’s probably second only to wrestling cobras naked with a dead mouse taped to your ballsack as the most dangerous thing to do in the world ever. On the other hand, how funny would a wrongful dismissal case due to ‘Improper Use of Scrunchie’ be? I’m sure that Hooters is not going to be very busy - this is England we’re talking about, and surely these people know better (even Nottinghamians). I would find out later just how wrong I was. The girl on the other end of the phone tries to take my reservation, but has difficulty with my surname. Even after spelling it a couple times, she still doesn’t get it and hides the fact by giggling profusely. It’s not long before I realise that girlish giggling constitutes an entire conversation with Hooters staff.

I was ready to go with as open a mind as I could muster. However, when we get into the cab, I make Owen (my buddy and fellow Hooters virgin) tell the cabbie we were going to Hooters because I am too embarrassed. Already, I realise that maybe this column won’t be as balanced and objective as I was hoping. We arrive at Hooters and I find myself scampering in so no-one will see me. I’m not really the scampering type, but I can’t help it. There are only two reasons I can think of for an adult male to scamper; scampering after a train because you’re late, or scampering to your car after buying porn. This was more the latter.

In fact, it would be fair to say I felt like a right scampering perv. The first thing that hits me when I get inside Hooters is the smell. If you could deep-fry an orangutan’s armpit, I imagine this is exactly what it would smell like. The other (more worrying) fact is that the place is absolutely rammed. There’s one guy doing pushups on the table in one corner, one guy being cajoled into downing a pint by a pack of demented Hooters girls banging pots with spoons, and shouty townie blokes and stags everywhere. If you were to custom-design a hell just for me, this would be it. The TVs on every wall, patio

lanterns, order tickets moving to the kitchen down tiny zip lines and bouncy waitresses are an absolute GBH on the senses.

Stifling the urge to lapse into an epileptic fit, I look for someone to seat us. And wouldn’t you know it, but we’re greeted by the very girl who took my reservation. Her name, as advertised by her strategically placed tag, is Kimberley (or ‘Kimbles’ as she tells us later), and she remembers our conversation on the phone. ‘How do you say your surname again?’ she asks. I tell her a third time and she shakes her head and giggles again. Goddamn, I’m hilarious. When she sits us down, right next to the exposed kitchen, the first thought I have is ‘Why on earth would they want their customers to see that?’ The sight of sweaty, pimple-faced teenagers, covered in batter, spooning baked beans out of a vat into plastic containers literally makes me gag. Needless to say, when my bean cup arrives at the table, I give it a pass. We order our food, and Kimbles, wiping down the table, says, ‘I do this all the time. I’m like everybody’s mum.’ I’m not quite sure what she means by that, but now I’ve got a visual of my mother in hot pants in my head. Thanks for that, Kimbles. She giggles again. It becomes apparent that smiling and giggling are part of the job. Don’t get me wrong; Kimbles is an attractive girl and I’m all for friendly and attentive staff, but being forced to smile is downright disturbing. It feels as if I’ve kidnapped her, and she’s being overly nice to gain my confidence just long enough for me to turn my back so she can club me over the head with a toilet tank cover. Owen and I get our food, and to our surprise, it’s not bad for a burger joint. It’d taste even better if the kitchen was hidden away, but I haven’t had a decent Buffalo wing in ages, so I really have nothing to complain about in that respect. However, this is small consolation considering I have to eat it whilst surrounded by loud, drunken twats and creepy, scrunchiless fembots. We eat quickly and get the hell out of Dodge. The UK was supposed to get thirty-six more Hooters, but they’ve met with pretty stiff (no pun intended) opposition in practically every place they’ve tried. I realise the main reason it stays open is because it is close to two football pitches and is regularly filled with knuckle-dragging hooligans, but that’s no excuse; even bloody Sheffield successfully stopped Hooters from opening in its town centre, which means we are officially more sexist than Yorkshiremen. How is that even possible?

Rob Cutforth visits the only Hooters left in the UK, and discovers that the biggest tits are the people who dine there . . .

The Wasp Room Gallery17a Huntingdon St, NottinghamOpening times: Thu/Fri, 3-7pm; Sat/Sun, 12-5pm07729124336 | [email protected]

30th April - 17th May / Private View: 28th April, 6-8pm

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26th March - 11th April / Artist Talk: 1st April, 7pm

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The mighty Selectadisc, one of the best independent record shops in the country, is no more. Former employee Steve McLay pays tribute to Nottingham's favourite shop...

. .

The title alone was enough to sink my heart from its jovial Friday high to a sullen low; Selectadisc In Nottingham Is Set To Close.

Comments on local forums, industry websites and blogs would chime with the phrases ‘credit crunch’ and ‘death to digital’ as people praised

a 43-year-old legacy that started with a few books and records on a market stall.

As mourners came to lay keyboard-typed wreaths to this ‘legendary independent’, they spoke of the rarities they’d uncovered, the bands they’d seen

hunched playing in front of the counter and the piles of vinyl they’d escorted from the premises into their own. People were mourning Selectadisc’s passing like the

fall of an empire that had once threatened to invade the Market Square, before being pinned back for its last stand under the shadow of the Theatre Royal.

As when my Gran died, it’ll take me years to walk past Selectadisc, like it did with

her house, without having my heart strings snapped at, like the bass from a Washington hardcore band resonating from the shop’s doors. Here was a place that

provided some of the most enchanting, passionate, comical and heart-warming moments that post-war Nottingham has hosted. A two-way theatre where the cast and punters would interchange depending on what side of the counter they were stood and who was

taking the spotlight. Having worked there, it was also the place that helped shape my life; my career as a journalist, the sounds on my stereo and some of the greatest friends I have.

One Saturday at the age of seventeen, I turned up on Market Street, rather fuzzily-eyed after a

night of dancing away at the Marcus Garvey Centre, for my first day as a Saturday lad. Rather than, as I had hoped, being quizzed about Guided By Voices singles or Jeff Mills aliases I wasinstead given three things; a mop, a shopping list and a pile of CDs to put back in the racks. After two weeks of burning the candle at both ends and exhibiting somewhat lethargic behaviour the next day I had earned the nickname ‘Lightning’.

I wasn’t the only one; Gary X-Ray, Tommy Teapot, Thrash, Matt Tatt, Nail, Bell, Urn, Tubs, Schmo, Fish, Goose, Monkey, K-9, Panther, Waino, Detail, Metal Ed. . .even the innocuous-sounding Basil (so-called because of having a tendency for returning records for being ‘faulty’) all lent themselves to a bizarre list of aliases. Sure, it was a musical Mecca, but it took a triumphantly calamitous mix of people to make it so, whether they be a mild-mannered hip-hop head (Rachel), pogoing front man (Punish the Atom’s Joey),

globally-loved bass player (Mark Pitchshifter), giggling DJ (Dave Congreve) or aspirational promoter (Detonate’s James).

If Selectadisc was a theatre, then Fergus was certainly the pantomime baddie. Owner of the most scornful ‘Can I help you?’ in the Midlands and with a reputation for

‘bluntness’, he was renowned as the weekend retail version of Simon Cowell (if Cowell had specialised in drum ‘n’ bass and techno). After a few Saturday mornings

of working the singles store I realised that not only was he a likeable chap, but that having seventeen year-old bum-fluff kids demanding you play a

pile of happy hardcore records at 9am in the morning does not make a bright outlook for the day.

With a reputation that spread across the Atlantic, the customers were far more colourful than the ones in your local branch of Greggs. Metallers would hassle Simon Tilton, mums-with-lists would comically mispronounce the names of angst-ridden bands, spectrum-coloured, middle-aged men would cling to the counter for conversation and weekend warriors would buy tickets to the latest Tribal Gathering. All this set in a scene of poster-clad walls where Basil beavered around with his clipboard, Jim marshalled everyone while clutching another pile of obscure train journey DVDs, and Sue’s Barnsley cackle broke through even the deepest dub bassline.

For those who cared to look - or those that already knew - the walls and pillars behind the counter may have seemed littered with promo posters and stickers for albums and gigs, but closer inspection would reveal an endless montage of images doctored with drawn-on glasses, beards (for Bell), big noses (for James) and catchphrases (regulars and staff alike). The wall of media from musicians advertising for like-minded fellows might have chronicled the history of the customers, but those till-side highlighted the endlesscharacteristics and traits of people as mischievous as an Oasis-obsessed Moony or a coiled punk soul like Dickie. Even when you left, you never truly escaped the reaches of the Selectadisc family. Ten years after I worked there, I'd still receive invites to the Christmas party (my Dad even got invited once when Sue rang my parents' house) and I still to this day refer to it as 'The Shop'. Selectadisc was a living and breathing community, where friends would drop in to spontaneously organise after-work pints, talk music, talk football, swap shit jokes and buy a few tunes while constantly influencing (often subliminally) those that stepped within. Were it not for Selectadisc's existence, there would be a completely different list of names in my phone, my personal career as a journalist might not have been so open-eared and eyed and my list of hangovers would doubtless be a lot shorter. More so than school, college or anywhere else I’ve worked, the shop was the biggest social influence of my life. Now, it’s gone. All good things don't have to come to an end, and there's hope that Selectadisc will rise again, under Jim's guidance, at a smaller location. And while the beat of the heart, passion and diverse quality will doubtless remain the same, there'll be elements that are lost forever (Little Ben's stomach-churning emissions that cleared the shop on more than one occasion will however not be missed).

Brian Clough said not to bring him flowers when he was dead, but to bring them when he was alive. Those keen enough to feast on the cheap closing down sale might've done well to heed these words earlier (myself in recent years included), but you can't blame Selectadisc's closure solely on spending patterns, MP3s, credit crunches or anything else. The factors just continued to stack.

Regardless, we'll be left with a hole much bigger than that of a 12” and the community will begin to disperse with no central focal point. Never again will you get such a jumble of music-heads assembled in a Nottingham store. The beat goes on but the heart has stopped. Of all the rarities that people pillaged from there over the years, I acquired something that will stay with me forever. A nickname. God bless you Selectadisc.

independent record shops in the country, is no more. Former employee Steve McLay pays tribute to Nottingham's favourite shop...


When a condition is terminal, there’s nothing more daunting than theinevitable. Usually in such cases, the sadness is offset slightly by the knowledge that any pain and suffering would at least cease. On 27

February 2009, as I sat surfing the Nottingham Evening Post’s website, there was no such relief.


LIVEADEYou’ll recognise him from his appearances on TV alongside long-term comic partner Rik Mayall in programmes like The Young Ones and Bottom. But did you also know that Adrian Edmondson is a published novelist, worked at Pork Farms in Notts and is a bad-ass punk mandolin player?

Tell us about The Bad Shepherds… We play punk songs on folk instruments, as we like the sound they make together. It’s not a gag; for example, Down In The Tube Station At Midnight by The Jam is, in my view, a classic folk song. What we offer is basically a good night out. In line with our Antichrist name we’ve rewritten some bits of The Bible - I’m quite keen on making people not believe in God at all. It’s a bit of a hobby of mine, especially to people who turn up at my door to preach.

Did you always want to be in a band? Yeah, but I suppose in a kind of half-hearted way. When I was at school it was definitely what I wanted to do, but other things got in the way. But I’ve been a member of the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band for about five years now. I also went on tour with Bad News (heavy metal spoof band who pre-ceded Spinal Tap), and we had quite a large road crew of musicians with us, including Jimmy Page and Brian May for one performance. So in many ways it’s a dream I’d fulfilled, even before The Bad Shepherds.

Of course, you’ll be forever associated with The Young Ones. Did you ever realise what a hit it would be? When you make things, you don’t really try and second guess how successful it will be - you just do it because you enjoy it. We were just amusing ourselves, really. We didn’t really give a stuff about our ‘careers’ as such, we were just having a laugh. I’m pretty sure the same is true nowadays of people like Ricky Gervais and The Mighty Boosh.

The student lifestyle depicted by The Young Ones seems a million miles away from the current one…I’ve had daughters go through University and I can see that it’s just a lot more comfortable. Students now live in nice flats, eat nice food and wear nice clothes. For me, university life was about living in a situation that was just a bit shit. But then again with the current recession, you never know - we might get back to that stage within a year or so. What’s bizarre to me these days is that there seem to be no real subcultures. I don’t see any young people talking about politics. I don’t mean party politics, either. These days all bands seem to do is talk about themselves, and all they ever seem to write about is ‘love’. People don’t seem to be cross or angry about anything at all.

Is it true that you used to live round here?I did. When I was a student in Manchester I had a girlfriend from Mapperley, and we used to go back to her parents’ house in the holidays. I used to work at Pork Farms in the summer and John Players in winter.

Pork Farms was a completely disgusting place to work, but the jelly guns were always good fun – you can shoot that quite a long way in a factory. We used to tear up bits of pastry, and if you had a good arm, you could get them stuck to the ceiling – even in a very tall building like that. You’d see how long they’d stick there and when they fell down, you’d put them back in the tray to go out to the customers. For obvious reasons, I don’t eat alot of pork pies these days...

Do you think you’ll ever work together again?I reckon in about ten years - but probably not until then. It’s not that we aren’t happy with what we’ve done - we just got a bit bored and tired of doing it. But we’ve got an idea for something we might do, set in an old peoples home in ten years or so. I imagine it’ll still be the Richie and Eddie characters - there’s a lot of fun violence to be had with enemas and Zimmer frames …

Why do you think Filthy Rich and Catflap never really succeeded, when Bottom and The Young Ones did?I think it was watched and enjoyed by enough people, but just got slammed by the critics. Critics can be very weird people – a lot of them hated The Young Ones when it first started, but eventually they jumped on the bandwagon. Then when Filthy Rich and Catflap came out, all they could say was ‘Well, it’s not as good as The Young Ones…’

.

How’s Jennifer Saunders? She’s very well, thank you, as are our children.

Have you made a conscious decision not to be a ‘celebrity couple’? You don’t seem to have milked it as much as others we could mention…No, but just because we’ve both been in the public eye, it doesn’t mean that we have to be some kind of celebrity couple. Some people like to live like that, but to me it’s just bollocks. We’re both quite private people who enjoy our lives and are proud of each other’s work.

What do your kids think to Bottom and Absolutely Fabulous?They’re all quite grown up now really, but I think they realise there is a strong body of work between us. The youngest is 18 and the middle one, who is 22, is now a comic in her own right. She works with a group of six girls called Lady Garden. They had a good Edinburgh and have a radio show on the cards. Not that I understand any of this modern comedy at all, haha…

The Bad Shepherds play live at Seven on Saturday May 23. For tickets and information goto www.sevenlive.co.uk

www.thebadshepherds.com

What made you write The Gobbler? And why do you think it is that you, Alexei Sayle and Ben Elton all went on to try your hand as novelists?I just started doing it as a hobby - therapy, if you will - and it eventually reached a certain number of pages and people were interested in publishing it. I guess the reason that the likes of Ben, Alexei and I have all done books is because we’re all intelligent people who can write. We’re all used to writing comedy and it’s not a big step to try your hand at a novel.

How is Rik these days?I don’t see him that often, to be honest. Obviously we haven’t worked together for five or six years now, so I probably see him once every six months or so. We meet up, have a bite to eat and chew the fat.

Read the full version of this interview at leftlion.co.uk/magazine

'These days all bands seem to do is talk about themselves and all they ever seem to write about is ‘love’. People don’t seem to be cross or angry about anything at all.'

any of this modern comedy at all, haha…

The Bad Shepherds play

Saturday May 23. For tickets and information go

www.sevenlive.co.uk

www.thebadshepherds.com

Read the full version of this

leftlion.co.uk/magazine

king skinsoj

king skinsWhile Dev Patel has recently become a household name after his performance in Slumdog Millionaire, another one of Channel Four’s Skins alumni might be about to follow. Nottingham’s Joe Dempsie has also featured in Doctor Who, Merlin and most recently as Duncan Mackenzie in The Damned United. We caught up with him for a verbal kickabout…Words: Jared Wilson


dempsie

Playing Chris in Skins must have been a dream job for a young actor…Absolutely! When I got the part, I had only recently been taken on by an agency and to be honest was pretty anxious to get a job of any kind – so I was really chuffed! That being said, even once we started filming none of us had any idea how successful the show would be... I think we still don’t fully grasp the scale of its popularity. On a personal level in terms of the character, it was a gift of a part. I felt that Chris was the one that had the most depth and variation; he was the most outgoing and gregarious member of the gang when with his friends, but he also had the most to deal with personally. There were two very distinct sides to Chris and as an actor it was great for me to get to show them.

You’re in Los Angeles at the moment. What are you doing out there?It’s my first time out here for work. I’ve got an agent here and I’m really just auditioning and meeting casting directors – mainly as a way of letting them know that I’m about. Skins got a low-key airing on BBC America out here and, seeing as the industry is generally moving quite slowly back home right now, I thought it was a good time to come out. I’m having a great time! In a very freaky twist I bumped into Toby Kebbell randomly on Sunset Boulevard on my second day here, so we’ve been hanging out a fair bit. Two Notts boys in LA, eh?

Do you still get people asking you about Chris in the street?Yeah it happens a fair bit, and I’m pretty shy about it when it happens! But I’m still amazed at howmany people have seen the programme and who seem to have connected with Chris on some level. It’s great. The way the show dealt with his demise as well was pretty unflinching, which I think moved and disturbed people in equal measure.

You must have loads of good memories from those days...The whole thing was such a great experience and it came at a very good time for me. A lot of my friends had gone off to study and I was beginning to feel a bit left behind, so in a way Skins became my university. I got to move to a new city, live away from home, meet new people and take the first steps to achieving my ambitions. Something that sticks out was a running joke that we used to play on Dev when he was pissed, which involved one of us going out of the room and phoning him, pretending to be this completely made up guy called John, who was apparently out to get him. Dev is a pretty gullible drunk and to see him tell ‘John’ in no uncertain terms not to call again was always good value.

Does the Hollywood success of Dev in Slumdog Millionaire inspire you? Of course! Dev got that part when we were half way through the filming of series two and he had no idea how big it was going to be. I was like 'well, you know Dev, this is a Danny Boyle film - he’s a really well respected director so there will be interest in it', but even I couldn’t have predicted all of this. It spurs me on, because even with the success of Skins the whole notion of the Oscars still seems a world away and Dev is a perfect example of how it only takes one great part to reach the pinnacle of this industry.

Tell us about filming The Damned United… It was such a great job for me in terms of just watching, learning and absorbing all I could from the rest of the actors. It was a really great cast with Michael Sheen playing Cloughie, Tim Spall as Peter Taylor, Jim Broadbent (Sam Longson), Stephen Graham (Billy Bremner) and Colm Meany (Don Revie). The lads that were playing the featured footballers all got along really well too, so it was the perfect balance between work and play. I had a great time. And Michael’s Clough is absolutely jaw-dropping, he’s a man that’s absolutely at the top of his game.

It must have been particularly cool as you’re a big Forest fan. What are your best memories of watching the Reds? To be honest there’s been far more heartache than joy. Weirdly enough, the season we got relegated to League One was great fun as me and my mates went to nearly every game home and away. Obviously getting promoted on the final day last season was the best individual moment. As a Forest fan you almost train your brain to expect the worst case scenario, but that day it all went our way.

You did an episode of Doctor Who last year. What’s it like working on something as established as that?It was pretty surreal. Although I’d never seen the show before working on it, I have uncles that have watched it religiously since the sixties. So I was pretty popular with them for a while. Honestly, I just saw it as another job, but it’s such an institution that you can’t help but treat it with a lot of respect.

What’s your ideal night out when you’re back in Nottingham? It’s weird that whilst Nottingham has this reputation for great nightlife, I think half of the venues in the city are still stuck in the dark ages when it comes to music and particularly door policy. My ideal night would be a few drinks round a friend’s place before heading to The Old Angel, Bar Eleven or Brownes, then onto the Market Bar or Stealth for the rest of the evening.

The Damned United is out now. A longer version of this interview is online at www.leftlion.co.uk/filmwww.thedamnedunited.co.uk

If you could get a part coming up, what would you pick?Easy. I’d take any part going in the impending Shane Meadows and PaddyConsidine epic King of the Gypsies.

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Why do you think David kept coming back to Leeds?

What angles frustrated you in your research? Tracing the whereabouts of foreign homeless men must be difficult..

Any last words for our readers?

Please see the play. It’s one of the most important you’ll see this year. Also, I would like Nottingham Playhouse to actively encourage teenagers to see this play. Find out about the campaigning work of Inquest and United Friends and Families and keep in touch with the death in custody issue through the Institute of Race Relations website – www.irr.org.uk.

In May 1969 the body of David Oluwale, a rough sleeper with a criminal record and a history of mental illness, was pulled out of the River Aire in Leeds. A Nigerian refugee who came to this country with dreams of a new life instead ended up with a pauper’s grave and ‘wog’ written down as his nationality on a police charge sheet. His story, The Hounding of David Oluwale, has finally been made public by author Kester Aspden - who was rightly acknowledged in 2008 as the winner of the Crime Writers’ Association Non-Fiction Dagger award – and the theatrical adaptation arrives at the Playhouse this month. We spoke to Aspden about ‘the most extreme case of institutionalised racism and police violence this country has seen’…

The Hounding of David Oluwale is available for £7.99 from Vintage. You can see the play at the Nottingham Playhouse from 31 March – 4 April

You’re not wrong. So many hours spent trawling through the electoral roll! But it comes with the territory. There is real joy when you do manage to discover the traces left by such an elusive character.It makes them more real to you.

Any last words for our readers?

Please see the play. It’s one of the most important you’ll see this year. Also, I would like Nottingham Playhouse to actively encourage teenagers to see this play. Find out about the campaigning work of Inquest and United Friends and Families and keep in touch with the death in custody issue through the Institute of Race Relations website – www.irr.org.uk.

Partly. Police officers were put on trial and convicted for some of the offences they were charged with. But on the bigger manslaughter charge the jury had the decision taken out of its hands by the judge. You might see this as an injustice, especially if you believe that the evidence of their guilt was overwhelming. During the trial Oluwale was likened by the judge to an animal. To me, that was an injustice and I wanted to expose that. So the book and play are part of an on going process to secure justice for David Oluwale.

I was quite involved in the early stages, advising on local Yorkshire detail and police procedure. But the playwright Oladipo Agboluaje was naturally in control of his narrative and he made the crucial decsions.

Gripping, touching and surprisingly – though not if you know Oladipo’s previous work – humorous. It looks great as well; the set and the lighting add to and create the drama, the soundscape is amazing, the cast are superb. I think the actual criminalinvestigation story has been told very clearly. DawnWalton, the director, did a great job.

I can only talk about Leeds. A number of school groups turned up to West Yorkshire Playhouse and they loved the play. It engaged them with social issues which can sometimes seem ‘worthy’. So any obstacles in the way of young people seeing this play are bad. They are precisely the constituency which should be seeing this play. From the outside, the Nottingham position seems confusing. Do they want under-eighteens to come or not?

I first read about Oluwale in an old Leeds University student newspaper from 1971. Why I was reading that is a dull story, but some time after I was in the Public Record Office trying to find archival material on inter-war Soho, and I discovered the case files, just released under the thirty year rule. I lucked out. Straight away I knew this was a great story. I turned over one of Oluwale’s police charge sheets and found that some officer had given his nationality as ‘wog’. What emerged, it seemed to me, was the most extreme case of institutionalised racism and police violence this country has seen.

How do you deal with writing about such a depressing subject?

What difficulties are there in writing a factual account like this?

Why do you think it’s important to remember him?

Partly because he had no choice, but mainly because it was his home city and he wasn’t going to be pushed out of it by a couple of thuggish policemen. He had this pride. It was the irresistible Leeds police force meets the immovable object.

There is something more depressing than writing about a bleak subject and that’s being a writer without a subject - my current condition! It might sound weird, but I really enjoyed writing the book though the story revealed the worst in human pos-sibilities. I interviewed so many interesting people, from lawyers to policemen to Oluwale’s Nigerian friends. I’d finally found the subject I’d been waiting for, and had a chance to write creatively about a part of history which had been hidden and yet hadcontemporary resonance.

In historical writing, you’re forever coming up against the limits of what can be known. You can have a wonderful imagination, create beautiful narratives, but you’re not a novelist; you’re tethered to the evidence. So when you can’t establish something it can be frustrating but that’s the nature of historical work. It’s really challenging and rewarding to tackle such problems, working within the limits and pushing against them. ‘Fact’ issomething of a dirty word. Some people never want to pick up a factual book. It reminds them of being at school. The challenge is then to write engaging narrative, to absorb your research and nothave it announce itself over the page.

He got such a terrible deal in this country, received such brutal treatment and didn’t receive justice in life. I wanted to understand the reasons why he became a disposable person. I don’t know whether it will help prevent such things happening again, though one can hope. I think intolerance is on the rise, with asylum seekers the new hate figures. Oluwale warns us where prejudice and race hatred can lead.

When did you first become aware of David Oluwale?

Do you believe justice has been served?

Were you involved in the adaptation of the play?

How do you find the play?

The Playhouse has rated the play in their brochure as ‘18’, though in their favour they say under-eighteens can still come. Have other theatres done this?

You can see the play at the Nottingham Playhouse from 31 March – 4 April You can see the play at the Nottingham Playhouse from 31 March – 4 April You can see the play at the Nottingham Playhouse from 31 March – 4 April

How do you deal with writing about such a depressing subject?

There is something more depressing than writing about a bleak subject and that’s being a writer without a subject - my current condition! It might sound weird, but I really enjoyed writing the book though the story revealed the worst in human pos-sibilities. I interviewed so many interesting people, from lawyers to policemen to Oluwale’s Nigerian friends. I’d finally found the subject I’d been waiting for, and had a chance to write creatively about a part of history which had been hidden and yet hadcontemporary resonance.

at school. The challenge is then to write engaging narrative, to absorb your research and nothave it announce itself over the page.

Wor

ds: J

ames

Wal

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After the interview, we asked Derek Graham, Communications Officer for the Playhouse, to comment on the age rating:‘Kester’s right: this is a play that deserves to be seen by everyone, young or old. We do give productions rough age ratings, but this happens months before the play even goes into rehearsal on the basis of the subject alone and they are purely advisory: we don’t exclude anyone from buying tickets. Given the shocking true story the play tells, we anticipated a good deal of violence and so we went with eighteen in our brochure. We’ve since revised it online to fourteen, a much more suitable recommendation. The final production, while it certainly doesn’t flinch away from what was done to David Oluwale by his police tormentors, doesn’t dwell upon it graphically and after seeing the play ourselves we would heartily recommend it for anyone aged fourteen and up.’


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www.leftlion.co.uk/issue28 1716 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue28

Now you might be surprised to know that there are fifteen Nottingham trams, and they all have names. Their names are taken from the great and the good throughout the history of the great city of Nottingham, as well as some local bloke who was a bare-knuckle fighter. There aren’t any trams called Paul Smith, Su Pollard or Alan Sillitoe, but it must surely be only a matter of time. Maybe if Phase Two ever gets built. The Nottingham trams have proven themselves to be Really Useful Engines since they first started work in 2004, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be cheeky and naughty too, oh no! And I think that it’s time to hear about some of their adventures, don’t you? It was on that sunny morning when a man crept into the depot. All of the trams were asleep so that they could be ready for another hard day’s work. Robin Hood woke up with a big yawn, and suddenly saw the man right in front of him! ‘Hello, Robin Hood!’ said the man. ‘I’m the fireman! I’ve come to put you in steam for the day! Now just let me on your footplate, this won’t hurt a bit!’

Robin Hood suddenly exclaimed, ‘But we’re electric, you fuckwit! Brian Clough! Help! I’m being interfered with!’ ‘Now then, young man,’ said Brian Clough, who awoke pensively. ‘You’ll not be one of those graffiti artists, will you? You’ll not be putting your tag on my friend Robin Hood if I have anything to do with it.’ ‘What will become of my beautiful Lincoln green and silver paintwork then?’ wailed Robin Hood. ‘No,’ said the fireman, who wasn’t a fireman. ‘I’m just kidding. I’m actually from the corporate communications department. I’ve got a new set of posters to put up. All about Park & Ride.’ Lord Byron came over to investigate. ‘How dare you!’ he roared. ‘I know the cut of your jib, young fellow me lad! Mangling the English language as if you owned it. Providing transport solutions are we? Ferrying idiots from cars into the seething cauldron of consumer spending that is Nottingham City Centre

- that’s all we’re fit for to you, is it? We are trams, you dolt, and we are proud!’ ‘The shame of it, the shame of it,’ intoned Robin Hood. ‘You wouldn’t mind if they were coming to score some dope, or arrange an assignation with some syphilitic whore, Lord Byron, would you?’ DH Lawrence interrupted. ‘That would be different,’ said Lord Byron. ‘But the citizens of this glorious city can rarely think past their next retail therapy session. Standards are slipping with every passing decade.’ Suddenly, he ran at the corporate communications man, threatening to crush him under his wheels until the man ran away in fright. ‘Be off with you, you dullard! Your proclamations overheat my grey matter and put my dander up!’ And with that, the corporate communications man was gone. ‘Is it time to go on the turntable now?’ asked Torvill & Dean. ‘We’re off to Phoenix Park for our first run today! We like the turntable. It’s fun. Whee!’

But William Booth had an announcement to make. ‘We have some unfinished business to attend to first! Don’t you recall? We had all resolved to put DH Lawrence on trial at first light this morning!’ ‘Oh, not that again,’ DH Lawrence said, wearily. ‘Look, I’ve told you before – it’s not my fault that those students were shagging on my back seat all the way to the Arboretum, is it? How can it be?’ ‘You should have stood your ground until they desisted. Such fornication and sinfulness cannot be tolerated in the eyes of God!’ William Booth replied solemnly. ‘Leave me out of this,’ said Brian Clough.

‘You know damn well that we have automatic braking systems,’ DH Lawrence responded. ‘It’s not up to me to stop moving just because of a couple of amorous piss-heads.’ ‘I’ll ask you not to curse in my presence, you filth-mongerer,’ William Booth answered angrily. Torvill & Dean giggled. ‘Maybe it was their Kangaroo tickets, giving them ideas. Bounce, bounce, bounce.’ ‘Can’t we all just get on for once? Live in harmony together?’ Robin Hood cried. ‘Live out in the woods and all just have a lovely time?’ ‘It has been decreed. And the trial shall commence at once!’ said William Booth. Some of the other trams in the corner of the depot, including Mary Potter and Angela Alcock, intoned their support. ‘Dratted do-gooders’ Lord Byron sighed. ‘I suppose I should take the mantle as Counsel for the Defence.’ ‘As you wish, Lord Byron. And I will bring the prosecution for this most heinous crime,’ William Booth replied. ‘Let’s get this over with,’ said Brian Clough. ‘Something tells me I’d get more entertainment watching County.’ ‘It is alleged,’ William Booth began, ‘that on the morning of Sunday, the fifteenth ultimo, on the Lord’s day I might add-’ ‘Saturday night, Sunday morning,’ Lord Byron interrupted. ‘How appropriate.’

William Booth ignored him. ‘-DH Lawrence did knowingly act as a public conveyance for the most degrading and disgusting spectacle this fair city has seen-’ ‘…since last Saturday night.’ Lord Byron put in. ‘Good God, man, just get over it, can’t you?’ Mary Potter swooned at the back of the depot with a despairing cry. William Booth ignored the interruption. ‘And certainly a spectacle that you would not want your wives or servants to witness!’ DH Lawrence drew himself up to his full height, and sparks flew from the boom above his head. ‘Look, I fail to see how this can be my responsibility. You might as well prosecute me for allowing my carriages to become a vomitorium every Friday. Or say it’s my fault that my poor conductor got spat at by some lowlife from Bulwell.’ ‘Where’s the DNA evidence, young man, eh?’ Brain Clough wanted to know. ‘What you need to understand, William Booth,’ said Lord Byron, ‘is that none of these affairs are any of your fucking business. As long as no person suffers, the people of Nottingham should be permitted to do whatever they bloody well like. I myself have been known for my couplings with commuter trains from Mansfield. No-one can deny that I have a legendary attraction for those dear ladies. It’s almost as if they were drawn towards me on rails…’ he sighed wistfully. ‘For missing the target from there, you want bloody shooting!’ said Brian Clough. ‘Yes, well, I’d been at the WD40 a little too enthusiastically earlier that evening’, said Lord Byron apologetically. ‘Enough!’ William Booth roared. ‘Such sinners offend the Lord and bring damnation to us all! DH Lawrence clearly ran a tram of ill-repute!’ William Booth’s headlights flashed with indignation and fortitude and his little bell rang in his rage. ‘He was at fault! He was encouraging those foul youngsters to stain themselves with their own transgressions.’ ‘Listen, it was my seats that got most of the staining, thank you very much,’ said DH Lawrence.

Lord Byron was having none of this. He took a deep breath and his transformers hummed with energy. ‘As Counsel for the Defence, I put it you, members of the jury,’ Lord Byron announced, ‘that DH Lawrence was not at fault in this affair, could have done nothing to prevent the flowering of divine youth this night, and moreover, that the said coupling was not itself a felony!’

‘Hear hear,’ said DH Lawrence. ‘Now can we wrap this up and get on with our day?’ ‘Phoenix Park awaits our latest performance,’ Torvill & Dean complained. ‘There are hundreds of business park drones relying on us to ferry them to their workstations!’ ‘The law’s an ass anyway,’ said Robin Hood. ‘You wouldn’t find me bowing and scraping to that kind of authority.’ ‘I’ve tried to make you see the error of your ways, as God is my witness,’ said William Booth. ‘Resume your day as you wish. But I tell you this: God shall judge you as he sees fit. And you shall not know the day nor the hour!’

‘God’s a fucking bogey man,’ said Lord Byron. ‘Now take your self-righteous preaching and begone!’ ‘You know that preaching is my department,’ said Brian Clough. ‘And your fitter has already told you that it’s bad for your swerves.’ Unable to find a retort, William Booth busied himself with his schedule, and was gone, tutting into the fresh morning. His swerves ached. ‘Thanks for that, Lord Byron,’ said DH Lawrence. ‘That William Booth is always getting at me,’ he sighed sadly. ‘Oh, worry ye not about that blaggard!’ Lord Byron laughed. ‘Now go away and write me some more smut! I’ll no doubt have some more out-of-town roustabouts to attend to later!’ Lord Byron glided away into the streets of Hyson Green, looking forward to seeing what new people had been brought into the railway station for him to pick up at the other end of the line. Baiting William Booth always put him in a good mood.

words: David R Thompson (with apologies to the Rev W Awdry) illustrations: Ging Inferior

T was early morning at Wilkinson Street Depot. The birds sang in the surrounding scrub and the sun climbed high over the New Basford skyline. It was going to be another wonderful day for the Nottingham trams. (Otherwise known as the

Nottingham Express Transit units. Whatever.)

...William Booth ignored him. ‘DH Lawrence did knowingly act as a public conveyance for the most degrading and disgusting spectacle this fair city has seen...’

‘Phoenix Park awaits our latest performance,’ Torvill & Dean complained. ‘There are hundreds of business park drones relying on us to ferry them to their workstations!’

Name an advantage to being an artist in Nottingham...There is such a strong network of artist-led studios and groups in Nottingham in comparison to other parts of the country. It’s really helped me draw focus and give meaning and direction to my practice since graduating from university last year, which I may not have received elsewhere.

What are your career aspirations?In a few years I’d like to study an MA in Sculpture, and also build on my knowledge of curating, perhaps going freelance.

www.jonrouston.co.uk

debra swann

Jon Rouston

What kind of art do you make?I am a visual artist working predominantly in sculpture and sometimes photography. The installations I make relate to the natural world and are informed by my interest in science. The objects I create are often specimens, trophies or adornments and are constructed from everyday materials. The transformation of the materials, and the point at which the objects collapse back into what they are made from, is an important aspect of the work, setting up a tension between what we believe we are looking at and the everyday.

What is the best thing about being an artist?It allows me to enter into my own imagination and adopt personas, such as the explorer or scientist.

What is the hardest thing?Not having financial security; but I still have a passion to make my work and ultimately hope to get recognition for what I do.

What are you up to at the moment?I have recently completed an artist residency atThe Wasp Room gallery at Tether studios. This was a great opportunity to develop new work in response to a specific space and play with scale.

Harriet Startin

Sam CliftWhat kind of art do you make?I make hybrid sculpturalinstallations from materials such as carpet and paint, which explore space and the local environment.

What is the best thing about being an artist?Freedom of expression.

What is the hardest thing?Balancing creating work with making profit from the work you create.

What inspires and drives you?Development and progress within my practice. A new idea sparks new interest and keeps me focused; it's amazing how the most mundane happening can influence new direction in my work. Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own critic.

What are you up to at the moment?I recently curated my first exhibition at Surface Gallery. It took a lot of hard planning, but was a valuable learning experience. I’m in the process at the moment of constructing an interactive installation piece, which evaluates ideas and processes I’ve explored over the last year. Once finished, it shall be a centrepiece in my first solo exhibition this summer, at the 491 Gallery in London.

What are your career aspirations? In a few years I’d like to study an MA in Sculpture, and also build on my knowledge of curating, perhaps going freelance.

My work is largely concerned with reality and our perception of it. I am interested in our ability to ignore what is fact andcreate an almost nostalgic safe haven for ourselves in which we feel more comfortable, and the humour of this.

What inspires and drives you?My driving force is the boredom I face when I am not making work and the nagging feeling that I’m wasting time. My inspiration comes from the natural world, which is central to my work.

What is the best thing about being an artist?Being able to think creatively and the liberation this gives you.

What is the hardest thing?Worrying about money, and knowing you may always have a freezing cold house and a sole flapping off one of your shoes.

What are you up to at the moment?This year I am hoping to translate my work into site-specific pieces, integrating them into the environments I have portrayed in my past work.

What are your career aspirations?To retire.

Name an advantage to being an artist in Nottingham...For me it is the feeling of community within the Nottingham art scene. There is a huge level of involvement, there is no snobbery or resentment between studio groups, it’s a very integrated network.

What kind of art do you make?Most of my work comes from being a wedding and portrait photographer but more broadly I like to tell stories, using pictures. I like to create a body of work that gives the viewer anarrative and allows them to connect with the people in the pictures.

What inspires and drives you?People, basically. In the current Facebook/24 hour news/online society you could be fooled into thinking that everyone’s personal life is displayed for all to see, but dig a little deeper and most people have an interesting story to tell.

What is the best thing about being an artist?The sense of satisfaction that I get from producing a body of work, showing it to the client and them liking it. Also the sense of satisfaction I get when I produce something I really like. I’ve worked in a job before this where I toiled away for no apparent reason; this is much more fun.

What is the hardest thing?Never being 100% satisfied with my own work. It’s like a hill that you’re constantly climbing, you can look back and see how far you’ve come, but I’ve realised that I’ll never make it to the top because the top keeps bloody moving! The more I know the more I have to learn. Or something.

What are you up to at the moment?I’d like to do some social documentary on the effect of alcohol on people’s lives. I tried to start this over Christmas but failed miserably. There are so many aspects to this that I think would be good to explore. It’s also an area that’s heavily judged - binge drinking, old soaks, cheap supermarket boozeetc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.

What are your career aspirations?To have more spare time! I’d love to be able to carry out a few personal projects like the one described above, a few a year and really broaden my horizons.

Name an advantage to being an artist in Nottingham... People think that Nottingham is just another city, but it’s much more important than that. If you scratch the surface and make it past the identikit shops, there’s lots of really cool independent stuff going on, LeftLion being a prime example. That’s what makes it interesting.

www.samclift.com www.debraswann.co.uk

to tell.to tell.

www.jonrouston.co.ukwww.jonrouston.co.ukwww.jonrouston.co.ukHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet Startin

www.samclift.comSam Clift www.samclift.comwww.samclift.com www.debraswann.co.ukwww.debraswann.co.uk


I make hybrid sculptural

materials such as carpet and paint, which explore space and the local environment.

What is the best thing







above, a few a year and really broaden my horizons.above, a few a year and really broaden my horizons.above, a few a year and really broaden my horizons.

debra swannSam Clift debra swannSam Clift debra swannSam Clift

involvement, there is no snobbery or resentment between studio groups, it’s a very integrated

Name an advantage to being an artist in Nottingham... People think that Nottingham is just another city, but it’s much more important than that. If you scratch the surface and make it past the identikit shops, there’s lots of really cool independent stuff going on, LeftLion being a prime example. That’s what makes it interesting.

between studio groups, it’s a very integrated network.

Name an advantage to being an artist in Nottingham...

going on, LeftLion being a prime example. That’s what makes it interesting.going on, LeftLion being a prime example. That’s what makes it interesting.


going on, LeftLion being a prime example. That’s what makes it interesting.

What kind of art do you make?I am a visual artist working What kind of art do you make?I am a visual artist working

What kind of art do you What kind of art do you make?What kind of art do you What kind of art do you What kind of art do you What kind of art do you What kind of art do you

I am a visual artist working I am a visual artist working make? I am a visual artist working I am a visual artist working make?


etc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.

What are your career aspirations?To have more spare time! I’d love to be able to carry out a few personal projects like the one described

etc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.etc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.

Nottingham...

etc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.etc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.

Nottingham...

Sam Clift

What inspires and drives you?Development and progress within my practice. A new idea sparks new interest and keeps me focused; it's amazing how the most mundane happening can influence new direction in my work.





Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own critic.critic.critic.critic.

What are you up to at the moment?What are you up to at the moment?What are you up to at the moment?What are you up to at the moment?I recently curated my first exhibition at Surface Gallery. It took a lot of hard planning, but was a I recently curated my first exhibition at Surface Gallery. It took a lot of hard planning, but was a I recently curated my first exhibition at Surface Gallery. It took a lot of hard planning, but was a I recently curated my first exhibition at Surface Gallery. It took a lot of hard planning, but was a valuable learning experience. I’m in the process at the moment of constructing an interactive valuable learning experience. I’m in the process at the moment of constructing an interactive valuable learning experience. I’m in the process at the moment of constructing an interactive valuable learning experience. I’m in the process at the moment of constructing an interactive installation piece, which evaluates ideas and processes I’ve explored over the last year. Once installation piece, which evaluates ideas and processes I’ve explored over the last year. Once installation piece, which evaluates ideas and processes I’ve explored over the last year. Once installation piece, which evaluates ideas and processes I’ve explored over the last year. Once finished, it shall be a centrepiece in my first solo exhibition this summer, at the 491 Gallery in finished, it shall be a centrepiece in my first solo exhibition this summer, at the 491 Gallery in finished, it shall be a centrepiece in my first solo exhibition this summer, at the 491 Gallery in finished, it shall be a centrepiece in my first solo exhibition this summer, at the 491 Gallery in London.London.London.London.

What are your career aspirations? What are your career aspirations? What are your career aspirations? What are your career aspirations? In a few years I’d like to study an MA in Sculpture, and also build on my knowledge of curating, In a few years I’d like to study an MA in Sculpture, and also build on my knowledge of curating, In a few years I’d like to study an MA in Sculpture, and also build on my knowledge of curating, In a few years I’d like to study an MA in Sculpture, and also build on my knowledge of curating, perhaps going freelance. perhaps going freelance. perhaps going freelance. perhaps going freelance.

Harriet StartinHarriet Startin

What is the best thing about being an artist?Being able to think creatively and the liberation this gives you.this gives you.this gives you.this gives you.

What is the hardest thing?Worrying about money, and knowing you may always have a freezing cold house and a sole flapping off one of your shoes.



Nottingham...For me it is the feeling of community within the Nottingham art scene. There is a huge level of

Sam CliftSam CliftSam Clift

involvement, there is no snobbery or resentment

To retire.


To retire.

Nottingham...

To retire.

Nottingham...

Sam CliftSam CliftSam CliftSam Clift



Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own



Harriet Startin


What is the hardest thing?Worrying about money, and knowing you may always have a freezing cold house and a sole

Sam CliftSam CliftSam CliftSam Clift






Harriet Startin


What is the hardest thing?Worrying about money, and knowing you may always have a freezing cold house and a sole

www.debraswann.co.ukwww.debraswann.co.uk

natural world and are informed by my

imagination and adopt personas, such

What kind of art do you

Most of my work comes from being a wedding and portrait photographer but more broadly I like to tell stories, using pictures. I like to create a body of work that gives the viewer anarrative and allows them to connect with the people

What inspires and drives

People, basically. In the

hour news/online society you could be fooled into thinking that everyone’s personal life is displayed for all to see, but dig a little deeper and most people have an interesting story

Never being 100% satisfied with my own work. It’s like a hill that you’re constantly climbing, you

because the top keeps bloody moving! The more I know the more I have to learn. Or something.

I’d like to do some social documentary on the effect of alcohol on people’s lives. I tried to start this over Christmas but failed miserably. There are so many aspects to this that I think would be good to explore. It’s also an area that’s heavily judged - binge drinking, old soaks, cheap supermarket booze

People think that Nottingham is just another city, but it’s much more important than that. If you scratch the surface and make it past the identikit shops, there’s lots of really cool independent stuff

To have more spare time! I’d love to be able to carry out a few personal projects like the one described



What is the best thing about being


I’d like to do some social documentary on the effect of alcohol on people’s lives. I tried to start this over I’d like to do some social documentary on the effect of alcohol on people’s lives. I tried to start this over






Never being 100% satisfied with my own work. It’s like a hill that you’re constantly climbing, you can look back and see how far you’ve come, but I’ve realised that I’ll never make it to the top because the top keeps bloody moving! The more I know the more I have to learn. Or something.






What is the best thing about being


I’d like to do some social documentary on the effect of alcohol on people’s lives. I tried to start this over











I am a visual artist working predominantly in sculpture and sometimes photography. The installations I make relate to the natural world and are informed by my interest in science. The objects I create are often specimens, trophies or adornments and are constructed from everyday materials. The transformation of the materials, and

What kind of art do you make?I am a visual artist working I am a visual artist working I am a visual artist working

www.debraswann.co.ukwww.debraswann.co.ukwww.debraswann.co.ukwww.debraswann.co.uk


What kind of art do you make?I am a visual artist working What kind of art do you make?I am a visual artist working I am a visual artist working I am a visual artist working

www.debraswann.co.ukwww.debraswann.co.ukwww.debraswann.co.ukwww.debraswann.co.uk


What kind of art do you make?I am a visual artist working What kind of art do you make?I am a visual artist working I am a visual artist working I am a visual artist working

as the explorer or scientist. as the explorer or scientist. as the explorer or scientist.


There is such a strong network of artist-led studios and groups in Nottingham in comparison to other parts of the country. It’s really helped me draw focus and give meaning and direction to my practice

I recently curated my first exhibition at Surface Gallery. It took a lot of hard planning, but was a valuable learning experience. I’m in the process at the moment of constructing an interactive installation piece, which evaluates ideas and processes I’ve explored over the last year. Once finished, it shall be a centrepiece in my first solo exhibition this summer, at the 491 Gallery in

In a few years I’d like to study an MA in Sculpture, and also build on my knowledge of curating,









debra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swanndebra swann

The sense of satisfaction that I get from producing a body of work,

satisfaction I get when I produce something I really like. I’ve worked in a job before this where I toiled away for no apparent reason; this










What are you up to at the moment?I’d like to do some social documentary on the effect of alcohol on people’s lives. I tried to start this over Christmas but failed miserably. There are so many aspects to this that I think would be good to explore. It’s also an area that’s heavily judged - binge drinking, old soaks, cheap supermarket boozeetc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.etc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.etc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.etc - but I’d like to approach it making as few judgements as possible.







Jon RoustonHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet Startin Jon RoustonHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet Startin Jon RoustonHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet StartinHarriet Startin

flapping off one of your shoes.



Nottingham...For me it is the feeling of community within the Nottingham art scene. There is a huge level of involvement, there is no snobbery or resentment between studio groups, it’s a very integrated network.

To retire.


To retire.

Nottingham...

To retire.

Nottingham...




Nottingham...For me it is the feeling of community within the Nottingham art scene. There is a huge level of involvement, there is no snobbery or resentment

To retire.


To retire.

Nottingham...

To retire.

Nottingham...





To retire.


To retire.

Nottingham...

To retire.

Nottingham...



What are your career aspirations?

Nottingham...For me it is the feeling of community within the Nottingham art scene. There is a huge level of involvement, there is no snobbery or resentment between studio groups, it’s a very integrated network.between studio groups, it’s a very integrated network.

Name an advantage to being an artist in Nottingham...Nottingham...Nottingham...





To retire.


To retire.

Nottingham...

To retire.

Nottingham...




Nottingham...For me it is the feeling of community within the Nottingham art scene. There is a huge level of involvement, there is no snobbery or resentment between studio groups, it’s a very integrated network.between studio groups, it’s a very integrated network.

To retire.


To retire.

Nottingham...

To retire.

Nottingham...





To retire.


To retire.

Nottingham...

To retire.

Nottingham...

Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own focused; it's amazing how the most mundane happening can influence new direction in my work. Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own focused; it's amazing how the most mundane happening can influence new direction in my work. Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own focused; it's amazing how the most mundane happening can influence new direction in my work. Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own focused; it's amazing how the most mundane happening can influence new direction in my work. Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own Having artists around me to bounce ideas off is also really important; you can't always be your own

What kind of art do youmake?

What is the hardest thing?

Name an advantage to being an artist in Nottingham...Nottingham has a great art community and is an exciting place to be at the moment. I have been in Nottingham for two years now and already know lots of people.

THE LITTLEST BIG SCREEN

THE LITTLESTBIG SCREEN

There’s definitely an intimate, relaxed feel here… Going to watch a film at the cinema is an experience; you should be able to enjoy it. Customers here don’t think twice about chatting to each other before and after the films; you don’t get that so much at other cinemas. You wouldn’t go watch a film at Cineworld and then chat to the cashier about it afterwards!

Feeling good about yourself because you’ve got a big plasma-screen telly? Pah! Steve Jones can easily top that – he’s got the keys to the world’s smallest cinema, The Screen Room - and not only does it specialise in the cream of independent cinema, you can even rent it out and book in whatever film you like. Just try not to ask for Dirty Dancing, though...

The Screen Room, 25b Broad Street, Hockley NG1 3AP www.screenroom.co.uk

First things first: is this really the world’s smallest cinema? Yes. We’re quite lucky to have gotten in The Guinness Book of Records - only a fraction of world records get put in and it’s usually the more bizarre ones. A small building’s not that bizarre, really.


The second smallest cinema - in Wales - shut down recently. Are you worried? Not really, I got the impression that it shut down because its audience just got older and older and could no longer go! I think Nottingham will always have people of all ages that want to come to the cinema.

So you get quite a lot of people through your doors? For a cinema with only twenty-one seats, yes! We have a lot of regular customers and considering the capacity it works out quite nicely. I think your standards are lowered from what you expect; we’ll never get two thousand people through the doors in one week. A few people come in and say 'can I have a look?’, pop their head ‘round the door and go 'ooh, it is small!'. We’ve also seen a couple of people having their picture taken outside - I don’t think you get that so much at other cinemas (laughs).

Would you ever refuse to screen a film? No, I can’t be a censor. We have had a lot of hen dos here and generally they want to watch Dirty Dancing and, increasingly, Mamma Mia! They have a singalong version which can get quite…loud.. I wouldn’t watch either of them out of choice, but I have no problem with what people want to watch. I think it’s a tricky decision for people to make to keep everyone happy and to suit the occasion. I think you have to choose a classic - The Goonies, or Stand by Me.

Do you think that people still want the smaller cinema experience, or has it had its heyday? It’s true that a lot of small cinemas around the country have shut down. Nottingham’s lucky; we’re spoilt for choice. It’s a testament to the people of Nottingham that there are enough film lovers to sustain so many cinemas. I don’t think, on the whole, that people will ever stop going to the cinema, there will always be a place for it. Just because the microwave was invented, it didn’t mean that no-one wanted to go to restaurants any more.

Do you think the recession will affect people coming to the cinema? Not too much, because it’s a cheaper alternative to a lot of things, and people love films. It’s a funny business though; it’s not always easy to tell how you’redoing. 90% of the reason that people come to the cinema is to see a particular film, not because they like the décor, so every week’s new film is like a refurbishment. People do have their preferred cinemas but the driving force is the film, it’s extremely important that we get the programming right. Where do you think The Screen Room fits into Nottingham? By the time word of mouth has gonearound about an arthouse or independent film being good, people know they can come see it here even if they missed it at Broadway or other cinemas. We’ve accidentally positioned ourselves in a strong place. What’s amazing is that with a lot of the smaller films that do really good business, there may only be three prints of the film in the whole country compared to the thousands of prints of the larger films.

Nottingham has a film industry that is larger than that of most English cities. Do you benefit from that? Yeah, we get directors using The Screen Room - we had the press screening for This is England and the screen tests for Control. Samantha Morton has been making a film called The Unloved, and she has hired us several times with the crew to watch the rushes and for her boyfriend’s birthday. Filmmaking is fascinating; it seems to take so long, you wonder how they have the stamina for such an arduous process. I have a lot of respect for filmmakers, they can dedicate two years to a project and then it’s up to The Guardian or Empire as to whether it gets three or five stars or whatever.

Do you get one film that is requested over and over again that you’re sick of? It’s A Wonderful Life gets requested a lot at Christmas, but Dirty Dancing is still far in the lead. I’m spared though - I don’t have to sit in here and watch it as it’s on one reel. I can just leave it to run...

What’s the oddest film request you’ve had that’s made you go 'Oh my God, why?' Erm, I don’t know. You have to choose the right film. 2001: A Space Odyssey is a classic for some but on a Saturday night, at over two hours long, not a lot of people want to sit through it - even if they have got a drink. People come dressed up a lot; we had someone turn up as David Bowie for Labyrinth. We had Top Gun on recently and one guy's outfit was that he had two table tennis bats with him. He stood at the front of the screen at the beginning, waving his arms about with the bats as if directing planes – probably one of the funniest outfits I’ve seen.

THE LITTLEST

Words: Alison EmmPic: Dom Henry

This used to be an X-rated cinema, didn't it? I don’t know much about the history of the building, unfortunately, I only know from what people have told me. You can guess peoples' ages when they come in and say 'Ooh, this used to be a porn cinema’.

LEFTLIONLISTINGSAPRIL-MAY 2009.

featured listing

If you know your Ladytron from your Ladyhawke, see yourself as a bit of a scenester or wannabe hipster, or you just want to check out some of the finest new music of the moment, then you need to reach Dot To Dot on Sunday 24 May. It takes place all day and night in various venues around the city centre including Stealth, Rescue Rooms, The Social, and Nottingham Trent University.

Past Dot To Dots have showcased some of the biggest bands just before they’ve broken through, with acts such as Klaxons, Foals, Glasvegas, Kate Nash and The Cribs all doing their stuff in previous years. This year is shaping up to be one of the highlights of the gig calendar with Ladyhawke, Friendly Fires and 65 Days of Static already announced. Plus, as usual, there are bound to be a host of local acts on the bill, making it one of the most unmissable music events of the the last twelve months.

The festival has reverted to being just one day (albeit a 14-hour one) as opposed to last year’s full weekender, with its sister leg in Bristol kicking off the day before. Fortunately for you, dear gig-goer, this means that you can get as wasted as you want and you don’t need to worry about getting up the next day suffering from the comedown from hell to do it all over again. Seeing as next day is Monday, however, you may need to get that sickie request in early.

We spoke to DTD organiser Dan Ealam, just before he nipped off to the South by Southwest festival in Texas...

You seem to specialise in acts that are just about to break. Is this a deliberate policy?

Definitely. We’ve had bands like Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly and Mystery Jets in the past, and the two bands everyone was talking about at last year’s Dot To Dot – Glasvegas and Santogold – were just about to blow up. The ethos we have is to catch bands when they’re on the verge of becoming really big, because that’s when they’re still exciting and cutting-edge. We’re already convinced the line-up this year is going to be our strongest ever.

What bands currently on the line-up are you most excited about bagging?

The Friendly Fires Nottingham connection is really exciting; they used to go to Uni in Nottingham, and for them to come back and headline the whole event is absolutely wicked. Personally, I’ve been addicted to Ladyhawke’s album for a while now; she’s the first artist we’ve ever booked two years running, which is something we never do. We’re so excited to see her on the bill again.

Why is Dot To Dot so important to Nottingham?

I think it really shows how cutting-edge Nottingham is for music. You won’t see anything like this anywhere else in the country, apart from Bristol. Other cities will put on a conventional, corporate, council-operated festival in the park, but there’s no-one else that puts so many underground acts on inside, in different venues.

And are there still opportunities for local bands to get on the bill?

We’ll be booking right up to the event, and we’re still interested in hearing from bands. They can e-mail us on [email protected] before May 1, enclosing a link to their MySpace page. And telling us why they want to play Dot To Dot.

Acts confirmed at time of print:

Friendly Fires, Ladyhawke, Patrick Wolf, Annie Mac, Cage The Elephant, 65 Days Of Static, Boys Noize, Little Boots, Abe Vigoda, The Vivian Girls, Brondinski, A.C. Newman, Crystal Stilts, The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart, Chik Budo, Duchess Says, Official Secrets Act, The Big Pink, The Computers, Tommy Reilly, Shapeshifter, Colourmusic, The Soft Pack and Marina And The Diamonds. More to follow - check website for details...

Dot To Dot, multiple venues, Sunday May 24, £25www.dottodotfestival.co.uk

For even more listings, check our regularly updated online section at leftlion.co.uk/listings. And if your event is still not in there, spread the word by aiming your browser at leftlion.co.uk/add.

Springtime is here, and even the non-smokers are tentatively clustering around beer gardens and hoping that we don’t have a third rubbish summer in a row. With the first bank holidays on the horizon, there is much activity about to be dropped upon you at a great height.

As always, allow your old chums at the ‘Lion to squire you through the next couple of months in our inimitable fashion, as we point out what’s worth spending your lovely cutter on and com-pletely ignoring the rammell. Whether you’re up for one of the massive bank holiday sessions, or are looking for first-date locations (what with Spring in the air, and all that bollocks), we know what’s what in Notts.


The fifth Dot To Dot Festival returns in May, bringing Nottingham some of the hottest new music around. Paul Klotschkow breaks down one of the biggest all-dayers of the year…

PG 25 ∙ THEATRE,COMEDY & ARTTrue story, this; the last time Ross Noble was here, he ended up reading out the Canadian In New Basford piece about Tales of Robin Hood, in its entirety, onstage.

It just so happens that he’s playing the Royal Centre on April 24, so if you’re read-ing this, Ross, please read out our contribu-tors list. It’s not as funny, but it’ll make our Mams dead proud.

(Oh, and if Ed Byrne, Derren Brown, the Shaolin Warriors or anyone else treading the boards across the Shire in April and May want to big us up , they’re more than welcome to)

JOINED-UP THINKING

photo: Dom Henry

TICKETS ON-LIONBuying tickets for forthcoming events? Good., because it just so happens that you can now score tix for all the best Notts events through LeftLion.co.uk. Just click the ‘Buy Tickets’ link or logo in the event listing section of the site or through the event comment threads on our forum, and you’re sorted.

You can see a full list of events we currently have tickets available for by visiting...

www.leftlion.co.uk/tickets

PG 22-24 ∙ GIGSHuge, huge, huge couple of months on the gig-going front; The Prodigy, Rolo Tomassi, DJ Derek, Basement Jaxx, The Rakes, Levellers, Spear of Destiny, Amusement Parks On Fire, The Maccabees - they’re all coming to town.

But the really big events are the returns of the Detonate Indoor Festival, Dot To Dot, and Breakin’ Convention. Bluu kicks off its new acoustic night, too - full details overleaf...


Wednesday 01/04 Indian Flute - Rupak Kulkarni The New Art Exchange £10, 7.30pm Rupak Kulkarni on flute, Gurprit Matharu on tabla Go:Audio The Rescue Rooms £8.32, 6.30pm Tango Siempre - Subitango Lakeside Arts Centre £12 / £15, 8pm

Thursday 02/04 Hands Of Hate Seven £tbc, 8pmPlus Blindfolds Aside, Backline, Fenix Fire and The Devil’s Haircut Clubnight. Burt Progress Muse Free, 9pm DJs on rotation - Red Rack’em, Beane Noodler, Spamchop, Keaver and Brause and Lone. Dean Owens The Maze £10, 7.30pm Jupiter Monkeys Deux Free, 9pm Plus March of Death

Friday 03/04 Dino Baptiste and Jen James The Approach Free, 7pm - 2am EklecticMoog Free, 9pm - 2am With Arkeye, Still Motion, Paul Weaversmith, Beatmasta Bill, Scampi Pete and VJ Thinkyman. Working Nights The Loggerheads Free, 8pm - 1.30am Liam O’Kane and Damon Downs. Jon Allen The Bodega £7.50, 7pm Motion Electronic Pop Night Seven £3, 8pmNorthern Kind, All Systems Fail, Izzue Voodoo, Wonderful Life and Lost Controllers.

Friday 03/04Bluu Unplugged Free, 8pm With The Herb Birds and The Freskofunkerz. Damn You! The Maze £5, 8pm NLF3, Souvaris and Gareth Hardwick. James Morrison Royal Centre £21, 7pm Noise* Jamcafe Free, 7pm David Blazye Deux £4, 9pm Plus Bonsai Projects.

Saturday 04/04 Therapy The Market Bar £4 / £5, 10pm - 4am Rhythm Rebels, Decktrofunk, Mark Mills, Steve Farr, Dale Bridge and Bruno. Log Jam and Curry Night The Loggerheads Free, 8pm - 1.30am With Vava, Paul Walker, Faker Junior, Damon Downs and more. Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt Cross £3 on door, 8pm - 1am With The Shakes. Sound of Guns (Live) Stealth £5, 10.15PM Cult DnB Muse £4 / £6, 10pm - 2am Basement Boogaloo The Maze £5, 11pm Oxjam Gig 2 Deux £3 / £5 , 7.30pm

Sunday 05/04 The Hangover Club Presents... Seven Free, 8pm With Curtis Whitefinger and The Breakdowns.

Sunday 05/04Mumford And Sons The Bodega £7, 7pm Kris Drever and Heidi Talbot The Maze £12, 7.30pm Dr. Comfort and the Lurid Revelations Southbank Bar Free, 8.30pm Cricketer Graham Swanns Band. The Acme Jazz Band Deux Free, 7pm - 9pm

Monday 06/04 Golden Silvers The Bodega £7, 7pm

Wednesday 08/04 Dr. Acula Seven £5, 7.30pm Curtis Eller The Maze £9, 7.45pm

Thursday 09/04 Club Smith and The Maybes The Bodega £6, 8pm The Wave Pictures The Rescue Rooms £7, 7.30pm Jaya The Cat The Maze £5 / £6, 8pm Plus Skints, Big Topp, Addictive Philosophy and A is for Ape. Scallywag Music presents Seven £5 / £6, 7:30pmWith Imperial Leasure, Fat Lady Singh and Twenty Five Past The Skank. Richie Muir Southbank Bar Free, 7pm

Friday 10/04 Rigbee Deep Alley Cafe Free, 8.30pm - 1am With Minister Hill, Nowhere Common and Jah Bunndy. Superstar Boudoir Gatecrasher Loves Nottingham £10 adv, 10pm - 4am With David Guetta. El Gecko The Robin Hood Free, 9.30pm Pop, Bubble, Rock! Seven £5, 7.30pm Templeton Pek, The Story So Far and Kids Can’t Fly. Bluu Unplugged - Richie Muir Free, 8pm Boom Bap! The Maze £6, 8.30pm Furious P and Squigz, Lotus, C-Mone and Cappo (tbc). Lemar Royal Centre £25, 7pm Garroson Deux £4, 9pm

Saturday 11/04 Sacred Mother Tongue Seven £tbc, 8pm Plus One Last Breath.

Saturday 11/04 The Prodigy Nottingham Arena £28.50, 7pm Plus special guest Dizzee Rascal The Rasmus and Backyard Babies The Rescue Rooms £15, 7.30pm Yipil Easter Party The Loggerheads Free, 8pm - 1.30am Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt Cross £3, 8pm - 1amWith Djangology. Percussion Easter Party The Golden Fleece£tbc, 8pm – 3am Runs until: 12/04 Stak It Up Southbank Bar Free, 7pm

Sunday 12/04 Out to Lunch Jazz dance session Snug £3, 5pm - 9pm ish Killer Jim plus DJ Daddio. Concert For Life Rock City £10, 5pm with Blaze of Glory, Sam Beeton, The Modfathers, Baggy Trousers Imperial Daze Nagshead £7 b4 9pm / adv, 7pm - 2amD2, Dramatic and Db Audio.

Tuesday 14/04 The Bookhouse Boys The Bodega £6, 8pm Girlfixer The Maze £tbc, 8.30pm Plus Dagobah and more.

Wednesday 15/04 Solode The Approach Free, 7pm Richie Muir and Salsa with Steve. You v MeSeven £tbc, 7.30pmPlus Vaarlets, Retrograde, Benno Blum and Vava.

nottingham event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

leftlion.co.uk/issue28 21

Mint Imperial Imperial Daze: they’re gonna party like its 1989

The Nottingham party scene twenty years ago: if you missed it, you should have been there. Thanks to a vanguard of clued-up DJs and venues willing to take a chance, Notts very quickly became one of the strongholds of Rave Culture. Seriously, we had coach parties from Manchester and London. And Mansfield. Fast forward two decades, and a collective of veteran DJs gathered around a warming dust mask full of Vicks at the Blah Blah Bar (formerly The Imperial). They spawned the idea to recreate the atmosphere of the infamous Bank Holiday parties that took place back in the day and teamed up as the Imperial Daze soundsystem. This years first event, Deck Collection, takes place on April 12 at the Nags Head on Mansfield Road. Headlining the action will be an extended set from D2 (DIY) alongside impressive scratch master Fever and Nebula 2, followed by the Imperial Daze first birthday party on May 3, featuring Kemet FMs Cas Roc and DJ Moulty. Expect a serious masterclass for the yout’ dem via a mix of rare and classic tracks. Oh, and they’re also looking for new venues for future gigs, so if you’re interested, email [email protected].

Deck Collection, Sunday April 12, Imperial Daze First Birthday, Sunday May 3, The Nags Head, 140 Mansfield Road, 7pm - 2am. £7Adv / £7 on the door before 9pm

Bluu NotesThe Lace Market takes steps to cut down its leccy bill

We admit it; LeftLion is more Viccy Market than Lace Market, but when we do have a swank-about in the nicer area of town, we usually do it at Bluu. The reasons for this are manifold; one, it’s ace, two, it’s spread over two floors, and three, it’s put on some blinding club nights with people like Bugs In The Attic and Neon Heights.

This Spring, however, Bluu is switching up its routine and bringing calming acoustic vibes for local residents whilst utilising their intimate basement space to full effect. Bluu Unplugged is the name of the new weekly Friday night residency, and the opening sessions are set to feature such luminaries of the six-string as Tom Wardle (an established figure on Nottingham’s acoustic scene) and Richie Muir, whose guitar talents have seen him play all over the world – but the whole shebang kicks off on April 3 with local faves The Herb Birds. This is just the start of an ongoing shake-up at Bluu: a significant refurb has just taken place, including the basement area being given its own entrance. Oh, and don’t forget Eclectic Ballroom, a rare funk DJ throwdown, on Saturday April 4.

Bluu Unplugged, weekly from Friday April 3rd, Bluu, 5 Broadway, NG1 1PR 9.30pm – late. Free Entry. www.bluu.co.uk

Wednesday 15/04 And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead The Rescue Rooms £10, 7.30pm Plus Middle Class Rut. Casiotone For The Painfully Alone The Bodega £8, 7pm Plus Concern. Mindvox Battle of The Bands Semi Final 1 The Maze £tbc, 8.30pm Cup of Tea Lee Rosy’s Tea Shop £4 / £5, 8.30pm Revere and Alex Highton.

Thursday 16/04 Devil Sold His Soul Seven £6.50 Advance, 7pmPlus Shaped By Fate, Zenith and Abandon Hope. Horace Andy and Ashley Beedle The Rescue Rooms £13.50, 7.30pm Tom Hingley The Maze £6, 8.30pm Daylight Robbery The Approach Free, 7pm Steve McGill Southbank Bar Free, 7pm

Friday 17/04 The Fakers Seven £5, 8.30pm Plus The Jet Boys, The Establishment and The Turf. Rolo Tomassi The Bodega £7.50, 7pm Plus Grammatics and Pulled Apart By Horses. Depeche Mode PartyThe Rescue Rooms £5, 9pm - 3am With DJs GW2m and Ricardo. Bluu Unplugged - Tee Dymond Bluu Free, 8pm LeftLion Brownes Free, 8pm - 1am The Rusty Trombones Deux Free, 9pm

Saturday 18/04 The Sex Pistols Experience Seven£tbc, 8pm Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt CrossWith Wholesome Fish. DJ Derek The Golden Fleece Free, 8pm-2am

Smokescreen The Maze £5, 10pm Jason Heart Band Southbank Bar Free, 7pm Johnny Dempsey Deux Free, 9pm

Sunday 19/04 The Bishops The Bodega £5, 8pm Notts in a Nutshell The Maze £3, 8pm With Nena Kubu, In Isolation and more. Establishment Southbank Bar Free, 7pm

Tuesday 21/04 Basement Jaxx Rock City £20, 7.30pm Liars Club 6th Birthday Various Locations £7, 8pm With Health, Banjo or Freakout and DJs Allez Allez and Todd Hart. Kerbface The Maze £2.50, 8pm Plus No Skipping Fat Women, ASBO Peepshow and more.

Wednesday 22/04 BandSoc BOTB Heat C! Seven £3 / £2 BandSoc With Ghost Cassette, Forever We Stay Gold, Faces For Radio and Dreamers Lament. N Dubz Rock City £15, 7.30pm

Thursday 23/04 30something The Maze £2, 8pm Radar with Live Guests: Goldhawks The Bodega £3, 10pm The Mighty Underdogs The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 7.30pm Daylight Robbery Southbank Bar Free, 7pm

Friday 24/04 The Answer and Swanee River Rock City £11, 7pm Wire and Wool The Loggerheads Free, 8pm Bluu Unplugged - Tom Wardle Free, 8pm Fidget The Maze £3, 8.30pm Roy De Wired and Tee Dymond The Approach Free, 7pm

Saturday 25/04 Ronnie Londons Groove Lounge Grosvenor £3 b4 11am, 8pm - 1am Rigbee Deep The Hubb Free, 8:30pm - 2am With Minister Hill, Nowhere Common and Jah Bunndy. Fresh out of Death and DJ Mehdi The Market Bar £5, 10pm Nightmare Of You Rock City £7.50, 7pm

Saturday 25/04 Supersuckers and Nashville Pussy The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 7pm Flux The LoggerheadsFree, 8pm Alex Bett, Elliott Morris, Lee Rosie and The Tea Cosies, Vava, Nigel Beck, Portland and Damon Downs. Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt Cross £3, 8pm - 1amWith The Shakes. Marcus Bonfanti and Lotte Mullan Deux £5, 9pm

Sunday 26/04 Levellers Rock City £19.50, 7.30pm Plus Pama International, Hobo Jones and The Junkyard Dogs. Notts in a Nutshell The Maze £3, 8pm With Knives, Cafe Racer and more.

Tuesday 28/04 Azriel Seven Plus Martyr Defiled, Almost Home, Oribine and Scarlet Monastery. The Rakes The Rescue Rooms £11, 7.30pm Sky Larkin and Official Secrets Act. Themselves The Bodega £9, 8pm

Wednesday 29/04 BandSoc BOTB Heat D! Seven £3 / £2 BandSoc With Pantheon, Numinous, Sable Dawn and The Prevention. Nick Bowley Band The Maze £3, 8pm Mathias Eick Quartet Lakeside Arts Centre £12 / £15, 8pm Eugene Robinson. Jamcafe Free, 7pm

Friday 01/05 Spear of Destiny Rock City £12.50, 7pm Romi Mayes Band The Maze £10, 7.45PM P Brothers and Jonathan Muse £3, 10pm - 3am Dan Reed Seven £10 / £12, 8pm Noise* Jamcafe Free, 7pm Rachel Harrington Deux £7.50 / £10, 9.30pm

Saturday 02/05 Fresh out of Death The Market Bar £5, 10pm Plus Style of Eye. Cancer Bats Rock City £8, 7pm Plus The Plight and SSS. Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt Cross £3, 8pm - 1am With Djangology. Cult DnB Muse £4 / £6, 10pm - 2am Jonny and The Raindrops The Maze £2.50, 3pm - 6pm Then Basement Boogaloo, £5. Flipron Deux £5 / £7.50, 9pm Plus Electric Catfish.

Sunday 03/05 House Event The Loggerheads Free, 8pm Kimmie Rhodes The Maze £10, 7.45pm Plus Sarah MacDougall. Buster Southbank Bar Free, 7pm

Sunday 03/05 Detonate Indoor Festival Rock City £26, 9pm - 6am See box out for information. Imperial Daze Nagshead£7 b4 9pm / adv, 7pm – 2am Cas Roc, DJ Moulty plus guests.

Wednesday 06/05 The Maccabees The Rescue Rooms £10, 7pm Otis Gibbs and Chris Mills The Maze £10, 7.30pm

Thursday 07/05 Easy Star All Stars The Rescue Rooms £15, 7.30pm Evil Empire The Maze £tbc, 8pm Plus RH Conspiracy. The Other Left Seven £4, 8pm Plus Isolation, The Villain And I and My Thai Bride.

Friday 08/05 Rigbee Deep Alley Cafe Free, 8:30pm - 1amPlus Minister Hill, Nowhere Common and Jah Bunndy. The Curtis Whitefinger Ordeal The Robin Hood Free, 9.30pm Amusement Parks On Fire The Bodega £6, 7pm With support from Swimming. Bluu Unplugged With Mark James Free, 8pm Digital Corruption The Maze £7 / £9, 9pm With Riding The Low, Satnam’s Tash, Ruberlaris, Moring Glory and VJ Yogyog. Doc Shellard and Friends Deux £3, 9pm

event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

22 leftlion.co.uk/issue28

Seven Rooms of BoomDetonate Bank Holiday: say no more.

One of the biggest events on the Nottingham calendar is back with a vengeance. After recently celebrating ten years in the game, Detonate hold their annual gargantuan all-nighter at Stealth, Rescue Rooms and Rock City on the May Bank Holiday weekend.

You know the drill: for eight hours, the biggest talents in drum and bass, dubstep and general beatiness descend upon Notts to rampage over seven venues, while the general populace go batchy. Seriously, spend time in Rock City on a Detonate night, and you’ll believe a building can jump. No less an authority than Goldie has described the Detonate bank holiday session as one of the best gigs in the UK.

This year’s highlights include Chase and Status (three-time winners at the recent Drum and Bass Awards), Andy C, the Brookes Brothers, LTJ Bukem and Ed Rush and Optical on the DnB front, whilst the dubstep element is provided by Benga, Caspa, Rusko, Skream and the impressive Dutch producer Martyn. Warp Records’ Flying Lotus is guaranteed to provide a twisted audio massage, and local heroes Lone and Spamchop will be representing.

This event has sold out in advance the last two years running, with queues of people who didn’t sort it early getting turned away last year. Don’t be that sucky youth left standing outside the gates, next to the bloke trying to get shot of that box of plastic whistles from last year’s Goose Fair. Book now.

Detonate Indoor Festival, Sunday May 3, 10pm - 6am. Tickets £16 adv / £26 on the door. Except there probably won’t be any on the door. www.detonate1.co.uk

Saturday 09/05 Nemhain and Spit Like This Rock City £6.50, 7pm Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt Cross £3, 8pm - 1am With The Shakes. The Pitty Patt Club – ‘Neo Burlesque-O-Theque’ The Bodega £6, 8pm Ghoul Garden The Maze £3 / £3.50, 9pm Americana Night Deux £3, 9pm With Dixies Midnight Strummers.

Sunday 10/05 Kris Ward The Robin Hood Free, 9.30pm The Butterfly Effect Rock City £7.50, 7.30pm Chris Wood The Maze £10, 7.30pm The Folk Sessions Deux Free, 7pm - 9pm The open mic.

Tuesday 12/05 Gallows Rock City £13, 7.30pm Plus Every Time I Die and Hexes. Charity Gig The Maze £3 donations, 8pm Bonded By Blood Seven £tbc, 8pm Fueled by Fire and White Hazzard.

Wednesday 13/05 One Eskimo and All Thieves The Bodega £5, 7pm BandSoc House Party Seven £2 / £3 / £4, 9.30pm Richie Muir The Approach Free, 7pm Lúnasa Lakeside Arts Centre £12 / £15, 7.30pm Belleruche Brownes Free, 8pm Plus Papa La Bas. Cup of Tea Lee Rosy’s Tea Shop £4 / £5, 8.30pm Dana Wylie Band and Old Lost John. Damn You! Jamcafe Free, 7pm With Machinefabriek.

Thursday 14/05 Ben’s Brother The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 7.30pm Luke Doucet and Melissa McClelland The Maze £10, 7.45PM Classic of Love Seven £7 / £8, 8pm

Friday 15/05 Demo The Maze £tbc, 9pm - late Rhoda Dakur Seven £tbc, 8pm Sew Your Genes The Lizard Lounge £4 / £5, 9pm - 11pm See box out for more information. LeftLion Brownes Free, 8pm - 1am

Saturday 16/05 Stratovarius and Plus Firewind The Rescue Rooms £16.50, 7pm Maybeshewill Rock City £3, 10pm Plus And So I Watch You From Afar. Basement Sessions Bluu Free, 8pm With The Freskofunkerz. Shlomo’s Human Beatbox Vocal Orchestra Playhouse £8 / £12.50 / £14 , 7.30pm Mindvox Battle of The Bands Final The Maze £tbc, 7pm Acey Slade Seven £tbc, 8pm Plus Patchwork Grace and Eureka Machines. Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt Cross £3 on door, 8pm - 1amWith Más Y Más.

Monday 18/05 Liars Club and Late Of The Pier present Sausage Party 02 Chameleon Arts Cafe £5, 8pm With Casiokids plus guests.

Wednesday 20/05 Cobra Starship The Rescue Rooms £10, 6.30pm The Hours Stealth £7, 7pm Revolution Sounds Clubnight The Maze £8 adv, 8pm Star Fuckin Hipsters, Minus Society, Moral Dilemma, Total Bloody Chaos and Kerbface. Trigger The Bloodshed Seven £6 / £8, 8pm Plus Khalo and For Untold Reasons. Richie Muir The Approach Free, 7pm

Thursday 21/05 Scott Matthews The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 7.30pm Plus James Summerfield. Birobox Workshops The Malt Cross £4, 8pm The Joy of Box and Origamibiro.

ButtonPusher Seven £tbc, 8pm With Blakfish, Brontide, Hot Bone and Rolo Tomassi DJ Set.

Friday 22/05 Bluu Unplugged - Tom Wardle Free, 8pm Shivver The Maze £5, 9pm The Gliteratti Seven £5 / £7, 8pm Plus New Generation Superstars and Zen Motel. Blackfuzz Deux £3, 9pm

Saturday 23/05 Adrian Edmondson and The Bad Shepherds Seven £15, 8pm Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt Cross £3, 8pm - 1am With Wholesome Fish. City Pulse Festival Various Locations Free, Various Runs until: 25/05 With The Manfreds, The Neville Staples Band, Eddie Floyd, Todd Miller and The Joe Loss Orchestra, James Hunter and more. Smokscreen The Maze £5, 10pm

Sunday 24/05 Dealmaker Records Moog £3, 2pm - late Lone, Keaver, Brause Jahtari Riddim Force, Disrupt and Tapes. The Elementz Presents Muse Free, 10pm - 2am Wonkville Launch Party with guest DJs and Shoka. Bobby Melody The Maze £tbc, 9pm Establishment Southbank Bar Free, 7pm

Sunday 24/05Boatyard Boogaloo Canalhouse bar £7 adv, 3pm - 3.30am With The Unabombers, Nick Shaw, Ed Cotton, Beane and Alex Byrom. Dot To Dot Festival 2009 Various Locations £25 +, All daySee featured listing on page 22.

Tuesday 26/05 SIC The Maze £3 / £4, 8pm Plus Goddamn.

Wednesday 27/05 Lipstick and Guitar Tour The Maze £6, 7.30pm With Nell Bryden, Kat Flint, Lizzyspit and Lana.

Thursday 28/05 Breed 77 Rock City £10, 6.30pm with Susperia, Illuminatus, Circle of One. Breed 77 end of tour party Seven £2 / £3, 10pm With In The Absence of Light. Richie Muir The Approach Free, 7pm Noise Ensemble Playhouse £12.50 / £14.50, 7.30pm

Friday 29/05 Junk Yard Presents Clive Henry The Market Bar £5, 10pm - 4am Wire and Wool The Loggerheads Free, 8pm

Sonic Boom 6 The Maze £8, 9pm Plus Girlfixer and Dirty Revolution.

Friday 29/05 Bluu Unplugged - Mark James Free, 8pm

Pop, Bubble, Rock! Seven £4, 9.30pm With Polar Bear Club, Crime In Stereo and Defeater. Detonate Stealth £10, 9pm - 4am Artificial Intellegence, Plastician and more.

Saturday 30/05 Ronnie Londons Groove Lounge Grosvenor £3 b4 11am, 8pm - 1am Mr Hudson Stealth £8.50, 7pm Plus Mpho and Alan Pownall. Saturday Night Knees Up! The Malt Cross £3 on door, 8pm - 1amWith Reverend Ribble and The Ginger Nuts. I’m Not from London Art Organisation Free (NUS), 2pm - 10.30pm Runs until: 31/05You Slut, Love Ends Disaster, O’Lovely Lie, Dom Keller, Wander Phantom and loads more.

Sunday 31/05 We The Kings Rock City £8, 7.30pm Holly Golightly and the Brokeoffs The Rescue Rooms £10, 7.30pm Plus David Drake and Andi Almqvist. Notts in a Nutshell The Maze £3, 8pm Roy De Wired Southbank Bar Free, 7pm I’m Not From London BBQ The Loggerheads Free, 8pm



Sew Your Genes501 reasons to give to charity at the Lizard Lounge

Sew Your Genes is an arts and fashion exhibition put together by two students at Nottingham Trent University to raise money for Jeans for Genes - a national charity which raises money for the care of children living with genetic disorders and their families. Not only will Sew Your Genes showcase work made from recycled denim by a variety of designers and artists, but said work could be wrapped around your arse by the end of the night, as it’ll be available to buy, as well as there being a raffle.

The designers involved are amongst the best Notts has to offer; Sir Tom Baker, Bantum Clothing, Jo Cope, Regenerate, Bo and Jangles, Waste Yourself, John Simmons, Mark Hill, Sarah Alina Krohn, Simon Mitchell and Vintage Reclaimed. Music on the night will be an acoustic session from Mark James.

If you’re a denim or fashion fanatic get down there to check out what some of the most innovative designers around do with the brief and support a very worthy cause to boot.

Sew Your Genes, Friday May 15, the Lizard Lounge, 41-43 St. Marys Gate, NG1 1PU 9pm-11pm. Dress code: one piece of denim

WEEKLIESMondays Open Mic Night Golden Fleece Free, 8pm Neon RocksStealth£3, 9pm - lateNTU student night.

MotherfunkerThe Cookie Club£1 before 11pm, 10.30pm - 3am

Bosh! Approach Free, 7pm Free comedy from Just The Tonic.

Monday Mayhem Maze £1 / £2, 8pm

Propaganda Gatecrasher Loves Nottingham £3.50 / £4, 10pm - 3am Indie and alternative club night with huge events in five cities across the UK.

Tuesdays MNSTR! Brownes Free, 9pm - 1.30am Detonate, Spectrum and ClubFoot residents.

Acoustic TuesdaysMalt CrossFree, 8pmA selection of local acts.

Live Jazz Hand and Heart Free, 8pm - late

Wednesdays Open Mic Night Jam Cafe Free, 7pm LeftLion Pub Quiz Golden Fleece £2 per team, 8pm Like booze? Like quizzes? Sorted. Pub Quiz Deux £various, 8pm

Solode Approach Free, 8pm Plus guests.

Thursdays ShowcaseLoggerheadsFree, 8pm

Live ThursdaysGolden FleeceFree, 8.30pm

Club NMEStealth£2 / £4, 10pm - 2am

The Jupiter Monkeys Acoustic JamboreeDeuxFree, 8pm

Jam CafeFree, 8pm DJs on rotation playing funk, soul and broken beats.

Modern WorldThe Cookie Club£1 / £3, 10.30pm - 2am TunedRock City£1 - £5, 10pm - 3am

ThursdaysChicGatecrasher£4 / £5, 10.30pm - 3amFour floors of music.

BedBug Eleven Free, 8pm - 3am Firefly and Product bring a selection of quality DJs every Thursday.

Chic Gatecrasher Loves Nottingham £4adv / £5, 10.30pm - 3am Open Decks and Open CavesLoggerheads Free, 5pm - 12am Bring some records or bring an instrument. SPAMRopewalkFree, 8pm 4 Down 1 To GoApproachFree, 7pm

To Be AnnouncedJamcafeFree, 7pm - late

Music QuizRobin HoodFree, 9pm

Fridays Superstar Boudoir Gatecrasher £10 / £12, 10pm - 4am A slice of action from the world’s leading dance music brands.

Atomic / SabotageThe Cookie Club£2 b4 11pm, £4 after (NUSdiscount), 10.30pm - 3am

Strictly Igloo Various, 10pm - 4am

The Pop Confessional Bodega Social Club £1 / £3 / £5, 11pm - 3am Classic POP tunes from all eras, and lots of fun and games.

Love ShackRock City£4 - £5, 9.30pm - 2am

Joe Strange Band Southbank Bar Free, 8pm Roy De Wired Approach Free, 7pm - 2am Plus support and DJs.

F*** Me It’s Friday Halo Free with Flyer, 10pm - 4am

Santero Brownes Free, 9pm - 1.30am

Fridays FridaysGolden FleeceFree, 8pmReggae, DnB, funk, hip hop and disco.

Saturdays Deep GrooveSnug Lounge Club£5 (NUS), 10pm - 6 am

Play Gatecrasher £7 / £9, 10pm - 4am Freeman Brownes Free, 9pm - 1.30am

Distortion Rock City various, 10pm - 3am

Trollied Halo £5 / £6 / more, 10pm - 4am

Sundays Sunday Jam SessionsLoggerheadsFree, 8pm

Reggae RoastGolden Fleece Free entry, all day.

Open MicDeuxFree, 9pm

event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

24 leftlion.co.uk/issue28

COMEDY Sunday 05/04 Just The Tonic Approach £5.50 / £7.50, 7pm Jo Caulfield, Dan Nightingale and Charlie Baker. Tony Cowards Robin Hood Free / £2, 7.30pm Plus Sam Brady, Sajeela Kershi, Alan Armstrong, Toby Blair and Compere Matt Turner. Pieces Playhouse £5 / £8, 7.45pm

Tuesday 07/04 Ed Byrne Playhouse £14 / £15, 8pm

Sunday 12/04 Just The Tonic Approach £6 / £8, 7pm With Jim Tavare, Tony Law, Ginger and Black and Charlie Baker.

Sunday 19/04 Just The Tonic Approach £5.50 / £7.50, 7pm Wil Hogson, Mat Reed and guest.

Monday 20/04 Robin Ince Lakeside Arts Centre £12 / £15, 8pm

Friday 24/04 Ross Noble Royal Centre £18 / £20 (NUS), 7.30pm

Sunday 26/04 Just The Tonic Approach £5.50 / £7.50, 7pm With Rob Rouse, Ava Vidal and Darrell Martin.

Sunday 03/05 Just The Tonic Approach £6 / £8, 7pm With Ian Cognito, Henning Wehn and guests.

Sunday 10/05 Just The Tonic - Phil Nichol Approach £8 / £10, 7pm

Monday 11/05 Mark Thomas Playhouse £12 / £15, 8pm

Tuesday 12/05 Funhouse Comedy Grove £4 / £5, 8pm Zoe Lyones, Pierre Hollins, Richard King and Compere Spiky Mike.

Sunday 17/05 Just The Tonic Approach £5 / £7.50, 7pm

Tuesday 19/05 Should I Stay or Should I Go? Maze £4 / £5, 8pm

Sunday 24/05 Just The Tonic Approach £6 / £8, 7pm

Sunday 31/05 Just The Tonic Approach £5 / £7.50, 7pm

THEATREWednesday 01/04 Much Ado About Nothing Lace Market Theatre £7 / £8 / £9, 7.30pm Runs until: 04/04

Tuesday 05/05

Hatch: OneThe RopewalkFree, 8pm - 1amThe newest travelling home for performancy fun promises a night of adventure.

Friday 10/04 Circo de la Sombra Playhouse £7.50 / £12.50, 8pm Runs until: 11/04

Tuesday 14/04 RSC The Tempest Royal Centre £9.50 - £25, 7.30pm Runs until: 18/04

Monday 20/04 Little Shop of Horrors Royal Centre £12 - £29.50, 7.30pm Runs until: 25/04

Wednesday 22/04 Shaolin Warriors Royal Centre £18 / £21, 7.30pm

Thursday 23/04 We’ll Meet Again Royal Centre £9 / £11, 2.30pm The Visit Playhouse £4 / £6, 8pm Runs until: 25/04

Sunday 26/04 Derren Brown Royal Centre £22.50 / £26.50, 7.30pm Runs until: 27/04

Monday 04/05 M. Butterfly Lace Market Theatre £6 / £7 / £8 / £9, 7.30pm Runs until: 09/05

Tuesday 05/05 Brief Encounter Royal Centre £10 / £24, 7.30pm Runs until: 09/05

Friday 08/05 Breakin Convention Playhouse £15, 7.30pm Runs until: 09/05 See box out.

Monday 11/05 Evita Royal Centre £14 / £35, 7.30pm Runs until: 23/05

Thursday 14/05 Le Grand Cirque Royal Centre £10 - £32.50, 7.30pm Runs until: 17/05

Friday 22/05 Wasteland Lakeside Arts Centre £9 / £12, 8pm

EXHIBITIONSWednesday 01/04 Geoff Diego Litherland Lakeside Arts Centre Free, All day Runs until: 12/04 The American Scene Lakeside Arts Centre Free, All day Runs until: 19/04 Tom Down - A Far Sunset The Wasp Room Free, Thu/Fri, 3-7, Sat/Sun, 12-5 Runs until: 11/04

Thursday 09/04 Laxton: Farming in an open field village Lakeside Arts Centre Free, All day Runs until: 16/08

Sunday 12/04 Chris Mattison: A Natural Selection Yard Gallery Free, 11am - 4pm Runs until: 26/04

Saturday 18/04 Joy and Wolfgang Buttress Lakeside Arts Centre Free, All day Runs until: 24/05

Tuesday 21/04 Kate Waters Surface Gallery Free, All day Runs until: 01/05

Saturday 25/04 Joan Fontcuberta - Datascapes Lakeside Arts Centre Free, All day Runs until: 14/06

Thursday 30/04 Back To Life: Jennifer Bell Yard Gallery Free, 11am - 4pm Runs until: 05/06

Saturday 02/05 Slash / Slash Rescue Rooms Free, 12pm - 6pm

Saturday 23/05 Form Loggerheads Free, 8pm - 1.30am

Saturday 30/05 Laura Mccafferty Lakeside Arts Centre Free, All day Runs until: 02/07



Uprock CityBreakin’ Convention invites you to spin on it

The UK’s leading festival of international hip-hop dance theatre is back in town, curated and hosted by the irrepressible Jonzi D. Breakin’ Convention 09 storms Nottingham Playhouse on Friday 8 and Saturday 9 May with some of the world’s hottest poppers, lockers, B-boys and B-girls in the world backed up by the cream of the Notts scene. It’s more than just a show; the venue will be transformed, with DJs providing the sounds and the opportunity to freestyle in the foyers.

As always, BC is a demonstration of how something that was dismissed as a fad in the early eighties has enveloped the globe, with a stellar intercontinental line-up. From the US comes legendary pioneer Ken Swift – the epitome of B-Boying – making his UK debut with his crew VII Gems Rock Dance Division. French phenomenon Salah – renowned as ‘the Charlie Chaplin of hip-hop’ - throws mime and comedy into the mix. And from South Korea, probably the best B-Boying nation in the world, comes the astonishing group MyoSung.

Throw in a hefty dose of Notts representation in the shape of Freedom Movement, Quantum Matrix, SD Crew and Unique Perspective, and you have two unmissable nights.

Breakin’ Convention, Nottingham Playhouse Friday May 8 and Saturday May 9, 6.30pm. Tickets: £15 (concessions £13.50)

The Baking of Pelham 1-2-3 Homemade: because Man can’t live by Cob alone

Opening its doors on Pelham Street in May 2005, Homemade is a cosy, friendly, licensed cafe bar that puts honest home cooking of locally-sourced producers before, well, the usual crap sandwiches you get from Tescos that end up falling between the cracks of your keyboard at work. The great thing about Homemade is that it spends the last three days of the working week open right through to 10.30pm, meaning that you can give that dodgy kebab shop the swerve if you don’t feel like it. The breakfasts are amongst the best in town, from the full english to smoked salmon and scrambled eggs on toast. By dinnertime, the chalkboards are heaving with savoury delights ranging from lasagne to jacket potatoes to salads to soup to ciabatta rolls – with a sizeable vegetarian selection.

Their evening delights offer proper teas a-plenty including homemade burgers, pan-fried salmon, and wild mushroom and spinach pasta to name but a few. Licensed and fully stocked with beers, wines and ciders, it’s the perfect launchpad for a night out and if the sun is shining then take advantage of their outdoor seating area – it’s even available for private party bookings in the evenings.

Homemade, 20 Pelham Street, Nottingham, NG1 2EGwww.homemadecafe.com

‘Credit Crunch’, ‘quantitative easing’ - anyone would think the politicians are the only poets left in this country. But fear not, the Write Lion crew have a few things to say about the recession, amongst other things, and unlike the politicians, they tell it straight. If you would like to join them, please visit www.leftlion.co.uk/forum

Write LionWhat Darwin Didn’t Know Isby Mahatma

I’m no Priziest Horse either, but quarter moon like a Cheshire catand like girls with Little Hans. Freud, psychoanalyse that.My working class siblings ask; why I go to uni- I can’t let rich-kids be privileged to all the lunacyPlus no one has mis-educational immunitysince the universe is a university its now I’m playing truant, see?So never judge a human being by the cover of their bookthey could be publishing its antithesis and just studying upMy gene pool’s a puddle of mud, an erupting volcanic push, bubbling up‘cause the true thrust of What Darwin Didn’t Know isyou can hide an entire pride of diplodocus inside a flying mist of locusHumans are solar powered, life got hot in our time and spaceso we’ve gone on and evolved long beyond Optimus PrimatesWe’re chemical entities, we don’t need these coffees for highsbut son, you’d moon the planet with a heavenly body like mineI’m off, and goodnight.

You by thesethingsinmyattic

I am going to come and get into bed with you.But I don’t want you to talk.I am going to come and get into bed with you.But I don’t want you to touch me.I don’t want you to pressure me into doing anything,I don’t meant like that.I mean that I just want you to be there.But I don’t want you to do anything.

Remains, Bric-a-Brac By Gareth Durasow

Excuse this stuff, the Womble in my fury.Great with pets & British to the last I’ve been lighting a lizard’s cadaver for dayswhilst earthquakes cleavethe coliseum in halflike a skull &Ezekiel sweats ecclesiasticat the grindstone pulpit,treads stained glass & hum-drum Son et Lumières with potential to believe TRESemmé’s apothegmsan apothecary & unearths a sensible heaven: Equilibrium underthe cemetery chaos, charming sullen lovers with Pixar menageries & records left out to dryin ample time to clinchthe horticulture prizefor enduring diorama.

Ode to the Credit Crunch by Adam

My first impression,of the recent recession,is not one of doom,or gloom,or even depression.

It’s of joy and jubilation,as the folk of this nationmight find cheaper, better hobbiesinstead of Wii and Playstation.

GB2009 by Annie Moose

Wages £1019 Rent £420 Council Tax £95 Water £22 Gas £50 Electric £35 Petrol £80 Loan £100 Car insu £39 Home insu £18 Credit card £5.81 min payment Food £170 Tabs £40 Ale £200 Total Fucked

All the spines in her book case are black by Pete Littlewood

When we first met,there was an i-want-to-lick-you whole,where now hangs a charcoal hole.

Maybe it was just me,wearing her down with my tongue,but she seemed to erodeas her book case turned black.

Branson by Lord Biro

The ManThe MovieThe MayhemThe Lost LuggageThe Late TrainsThe Violent Passengersetc.

Instead Of A Card (Candlestick Press)£4.95

Feel like throttling your partner when they buy you a tacky special occasion card with a cutesy bear on the cover? Fear not, your days of insipid romantic gestures are over thanks to local publisher Candlestick Press. Retailing at £4.95, Instead of a Card offers quirky, themed poetry pamphlets that are the perfect size to slip into your lover’s bag when they aren’t looking. Expertly produced and bound, they come with matching envelope and a blank bookmark – though this particular consumer couldn’t bring herself to deface such a simple and lovely artefact. Now stocked at Waterstones and Buy the Book in West Bridgford, and perfect for those of you with a thoughtful imagination and a craving for beauty.

Aly Stoneman

The Not Dead Simon Armitage(Pomona) £6.99

Much has been written about the Great Wars. The volume and nature of the deaths are so incomprehensible that it serves as a brutal reminder to us all that this must never happen again. Modern warfare is less well served by the world of publishing, perhaps because there isn’t the same certainty of cause as the Great Wars or because we have simply grown emotionally apathetic to death due to observing it on TV from the comfort of our sofa. In this slim and beautiful eighty-page collection, Simon Armitage departs from the norm by depicting the aftermath of modern warfare in gut-wrenching prose that reminds us that the mental wars are the ones that never end and the ones which do the most harm.

James Walker

John Stuart Mill: Victorian Firebrand Richard Reeves(Atlantic Books) £12.99

In this behemoth of a biography, Richard Reeves dissects the complex life of one of Britain’s greatest intellectual thinkers, who, for example, had consumed Plato, Sophocles and Pope before reaching double figures. And I thought I was clever for completing Mario 64. Written in the spirit of the man, Reeves is not afraid to dispel myths, nor to criticise his subject matter in this thorough and illuminating analysis. However, this book should be required reading for the simple reason that our current notions of liberalism (anti-terror laws, CCTV monitoring, etc) are making such a mockery of democracy that a drastic reappraisal is required before it is too late.

James Walker

Book Reviews


EulerSongs for the Bailiff EP

Feel-good sounds from Nottingham? It must be nearly summer, and Euler – who all live in a house in Forest Fields, like most local bands do at some point - have an EP to suit the mood. Jumping straight in with the upbeat jangle of French Maid, the four of them immediately fling their cards on the table; pure indie rock with a sixties guitar tinge that champions the fun-loving end of that era over the melancholic dirginess of the noughties. Just check the wide-eyed optimism of Amsterdam - string section and all. By the time the EP ends with the chirpy-as-you-like title track - all harmonicas and infectious chorus – you start to wonder how the band will develop and mature when they start off this catchy. Songs for the Bailiff is a well-produced debut, yet manages to retain a lovably ragged energy - which probably means they’re a lot of fun to watch live. Alison Emm

Hear the EP in full now on Euler’s MySpace pagewww.myspace.com/euleronline

Jupiter MonkeysDrowning in the Gene Pool EP

A while ago whilst having a typical drunk Friday night in the local, my neighbour and I came up with the musical genre of ‘Belt Rock’ - the type of music where you hook your thumbs in the loops of your stonewashed jeans, and either get down to a good ‘ol boogie by swivelling from your hips, or by leaning back on the bar and enthusiastically tapping your right leg to the music (and if any of you feckers try and steal this term, you are dead). Jupiter Monkeys are Belt Rock, and Drowning in the Gene Pool is unashamed feel-good boogie rock; think the Black Crowes snorting up Jimmy Page’s leftover lines, whilst Lynyrd Skynyrd recklessly pour whiskey over the whole sordid drug-ravaged orgy. This is music to have a good time to, and Jupiter Monkeys could have quite easily come from the sun-soaked South states of America, opposed to the piss-stained streets of Nottingham. Paul Klotschkow

Out 1 May: listen in full on Jupiter Monkey’s MySpace pagewww.myspace.com/jmonkeys

The MoneyA Secret Shared LP

First gig in November, first LP four months later…this band that does not hang about. There’s been a proper buzz around The Money (formed from Majik and Left Of The Dealer) and much is expected. Much is delivered. Even more is promised. Feel Like You Save Me and Rollin’ Of A Dice are the standouts; the former is possibly the most naggingly earwormy tune you’ll hear all year, while the latter is so instantly catchy that you’ll swear it’s been around for ages. Hear Me Out and Start Again glisten with shards of guitar and soaring harmonies and lend themselves to the shoegazer era, but in an uplifting way – as if they’ve just bought some adidas Italias and can’t stop checking them. If you know their pedigree, you may be a tad disappointed that they haven’t let rip with some more uptempo tracks, but no matter; this is an extremely professional and mature debut that demands your attention, and I’m gagging to hear their next one. Which, by the way things are going, should be out next month. Glen Parver

Buy online at www.carterinternational.co.ukwww.myspace.com/showmethemoneymusic

LoneCluster Dreams EP (Dealmaker Records)

Hot on the heels of his startling and attention-grabbing Lemurian album, Matt Cutler reasserts his already assured position in the vanguard of instrumentalism with consummate ease. It opens with Sharpest View of the Sun, a wall of twinkling, trickling drops of aural fluid. Cluster Dreams reminds me of sitting in my bedroom playing on my Sega Megadrive back in the early nineties, and Fly Fire Rainbow could have easily have soundtracked one of the early stages on Sonic 2, with its swirling, jazzy piano riffs creating a dreamy soundscape. A Ridge Between Mountains follows a similar pattern, but it’s as blissed-out as a Trustafarian in the Arbo on a sunny afternoon, and an outstanding remix of Midnight Feast aimed squarely at the come-down kids rounds off a small but perfectly formed package. Anyone who’s a fan of glisteningly positive electronica or instrumental music in general should make this an essential purchase. Paul Klotschkow

Lone plays Wigflex@Detonate at Stealth on 3 Maywww.myspace.com/lonemusic

The SwiinesDark Don’t Smile EP

This is a supremely confident first shot from a group already muscling through the local pecking order in support to ‘name’ bands. The hooky, quirky guitar of Hello may be horrorshow and moody, but strike the dreaded ‘E’ word from your mind - this is one band that isn’t hanging around the Lions with its mates, flicking its overly long fringe out of its hair and hinting that it wants to hit up Ice Nine for some nail polish. Rock-solid substance reigns throughout, but as Back of Your Mind proves, The Swiines aren’t smiling out of determined professionalism rather than lifestyle choice. Vampires displays a distinctively haunting quality, with echoes of The Damned. My Plasticine Bowl rolls about with a chucking-out-time sneer, with the tune to back up the lip. The tone may be darker than a 4am coffee, but theysupplement it with a roomy echo that tingles at the back of the neck. With panache and confidence, these boys are already going places. Duncan Heath

The Swiines’ club night - Bang’d Up - May 9 at Seven.www.myspace.com/theswiines

Pilgrim FathersDr Niall Bombast (black) & His Tight Minded Scope Trooper (dog) EP (Undergroove Records)

To pigeonhole the sound of Pilgrim Fathers is nigh on impossible. An experimental rock band, based in Notts and signed to London’s Undergroove Records, they’ve received a fair bit of acclaim from the likes of Kerrang and the Radio One Rock Show, and recently they’ve been on tour supporting US legends Monster Magnet. If there were such a thing as an ‘average’ Pilgrim Fathers tune, it would have drummer Kev and guitarist Feg putting down some layered drum and guitar rhythms with singer Shelf maniacally shouting philosophical and sometimes frightening lyrics over the top. Then Dan Gardner (aka hip-hop artist Zero Theory) comes in with the sampler and sends it all into orbit. There are four tracks on this EP, and they all display a vast range of style and a willingness to collaborate. From the 13-minute title track and Black Sail Pass (which are both produced by Swimming’s John Sampson) to the binaural recording of The Unusual Woods (with audio enthusiast Dallas Simpson), it’s definitely rock music, but not as we know it. Jared Wilson

Buy online at www.undergroove.co.ukwww.myspace.com/thepilgrimfathers

Spaceships Are CoolSpaceships Are Cool EP

Spaceships Are Cool (led by Rob Maddison) are Nottingham’s prime exponents of gorgeous dollops of delightful indietronica that is so irresistible and moreish, they must have found a cheeky way of slipping MSG into the music. This eponymous EP takes all the best bits of artists like the Flaming Lips, Beck, Dntel and lashings of sixties psych-rock to create a world where blips and bleeps collide head-on with occasional I Am The Walrus-esque stream-of-consciousness lyrics, especially noticeable on Gingerbread House. Let Things Go is full of clattering drums and dark melodies that demonstrate just what a great talent is on show here. This EP, along with a collaboration with Mr Bird entitled The Tokyo EP, is throughly recommended. Paul Klotschkow

Available now on iTunes www.spaceshipsarecool.com

The SmearsHell in High Heels EP

An all-girl trio (think Hole without the male and less drugs), The Smears have attitude in abundance and know what makes for a good song that you can jump around to, and HIHH is an album which would have pissed over a number of punk acts in the seventies and eighties. Coming in at a wonderfully compact twenty minutes of pure punk/grunge/rock energy that grabs you straight out with Deliverance, this album refuses to let go until it squeals to a halt, just after telling you to pick up your knickers and asking ‘who are you?’, with Wrath. The mid-point of the album is Party Song, a track that manages to capture the exact point when you realise you may have had a bit too much to drink and then snaps you right back out of it so you can get on with the fun. With a healthy injection of Patti Smith influence, Hell in High Heels is a long-overdue debut from one of Nottingham ’s most engaging live acts. Alison Emm

Available soon from record shops and onlinewww.myspace.com/smearsuk

Keaver & BrauseThe Middle Way LP (Dealmaker Records) Keaver & Brause may sound like a law or accountancy firm, but thankfully their music is way more exciting than that. Tom Keaver and Tom Brause are a likeminded duo in the studio - but as people they are certainly not without their differences. Keaver is a veteran of the Ceder studio system and known for his work as a sound effects man. Whereas Brause, twelve years his partner’s junior, is a folk and session musician who turned his hand to production and is rather amusingly described by the record company as looking like a baby. Between them they have given birth to a very well-produced album of chilled beats, multi-layered samples and eerie melodies along the lines of other ambient electronic musicians like Boards of Canada, Lukid and their labelmate Lone (who we hear they might collaborate with soon). Standout tracks are Two Schools, Bounce and Cleff Rechard. Jared Wilson

Available from www.dealmakerrecords.co.uk from 20 April.www.myspace.com/tbwmusic

Finally, a full page of all-Notts bands in our review section. We’d like to keep it that way, so if you’re local and you have new release, go to www.leftlion.co.uk/bands to find how you can get your stuff reviewed on this very page...


MUSIC

Thursdays from 7pm @ Nottinghams freshest Cafe Bar venue

Live DJ’s, Evening menu, Beers & Spirits

T.B.AT.B.AReggae Funk Dub & Soul

presents

A massive voluminous piss up the wall

Inconvenience to public: Town funks like an incontinent Nana’s gusset, splash-back on best trainers, etcTime to complete: Two minutes – longer if someone you fancy or the police are in the vicinityTotal cost: Depends on how much four pints costs in your pub

Redevelopment of

Broadmarsh Centre

Reason why necessary: Because Leicester and Derby

have nearly as many TK Maxxes as we do

Inconvenience to public: Access to Crazy Frog knickers,

Tupac mirrors and other rammell curtailed

Time to complete: Put it this way; by the time it’s

finished, it’ll be full of Euro shops

Total cost: An estimated seven hundred million pounds


The Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, California, USA.

The Golden Gate Bridge has been one of the most iconic landmarks in America ever since its completion in 1937. Nearby is the equally famous Alcatraz prison. The total amount of wire used in its construction could go around the world 5.79 times, and the bridge has an estimated 1,200,000 total rivets. And exactly one LeftLion sticker.

LEFTLION ABROAD

Bleddy Hell! It’s nearly Summer! Issue 29 of our lovely magazine will be out on May 29. Cor!

Aries (March 21 - April 20)When you sit down to eat your dinner tonight, try to think of it as potentially the last meal you may ever eat! After all you might die horribly in the night from a heart attack or a brain haemorrhage and so this could be the very last time your body is able to consume and process food and drink. Now… see how good that tastes?

Taurus (April 21 - May 21)Your home life is troubled at the moment and you’ve found yourself working longer hours just to avoid going back, as you usually only end up arguing. But although this is quite a complex situation and will take a fair bit of working through, there is one simple fact that should give you hope and guide you through the storm: you live alone!

Gemini (May 22 - June 22)You’ve been through a lot recently and to stand up and try again at something you failed before shows great character and further depths to your soul. If you don’t succeed this time then at least you’ve given it your best effort and there can be no doubt it’s time to start movin’ on up like M People never actually managed to do.

Cancer (June 23 - July 23)To get rid of the smell that hangs on your dog, instead of using expensive dog shampoos, use a tomato or tomato puree. This will rid your dog of its smell for about six months and they will love you for it! Then when you get bored of it chuck in a few peppers and mushrooms et voila – Dog Bolognese!

Leo (July 24 - August 23)For those of you that live near Derby - stop it! Move a bit nearer to Notts and expand your horizons a little further than just sitting around with a can of cheap cider talking to sheep all day. Nottingham currently has lucrative opportunities on offer in the fields of law enforcement, judiciary and hairdressing. Join us and you can either cut crime, sentences or curly locks.

Virgo (August 24 - September 23)The subject of pets in clothes has caused something of a heated debate in my household recently. The missus thinks it’s totally unnecessary and a bit cruel. But my point of view is that a dog is man’s best friend and you wouldn’t expect your best friend to be by your side totally stark bollock naked all the time, would you? I also think they look kind of funny!

Libra (September 24 - October 23)You’re feeling the urge to hide today, but you almost certainly need to be out and about projecting a more sociable image. It might be hard, but it’s definitely worth it to you in the long run. So throw yourself into exciting new and ‘dangerous’ situations like salsa dancing classes, a good friend’s birthday party or a St Anns gang fight.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)Appearances can be deceptive and the pity you have for a friend may be unnecessary. When the ant first saw the chrysalis he felt great sorrow for her being trapped in a shell. But it was near her time of change and a day or two later she became a beautiful butterfly – much more beautiful than the ant would ever be. Ants are ugly twats, basically!

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22)There are none so blind as those that will not see… except perhaps those who physically can not see anything at all. But anyway, try and open your eyes to what is going on around you. Sometimes it’s like you’re wearing sunglasses that shelter your eyes from the truth. And the...erm… sun.

Capricorn (December 23 - January 19)A wilful beast must go his own way. A horse was being driven along a high road, when he suddenly bolted and tried to throw himself over. His owner seized him by the tail, endeavouring to pull him back. When the ass persisted in his effort, the man let him go and said, ‘Conquer, but conquer to your cost.’

Aquarius (January 20 - February 19)To remove the bodies from your cellar boil them in bleach and leave them to disintegrate for several weeks. Eventually they will be gone and you will be left with a strange yet tasty human soup. To remove the smell of bleach from your hands (and that slimy feeling) pour a little vinegar or lemon juice over them, then rinse.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20)In England we go fishing armed with a rod and some bait. In Vietnam they do it with dynamite. Our way leads to a relaxing day out and can help clear the mind. Their way leads to hundreds of half-baked fish rising to the surface and clearing the whole river. But which method is better, the most pleasant or the one with the best results?

Reason why necessary: Because your bustin’, you can’t wait to get home, and the pubs are shut

Just howmuchis your carcosting you?

Travelling by tram, train, bus, walking or cyclingreduces congestion and CO2 emissions, helpingyou to do your bit for the environmentwww.thebigwheel.org.uk

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