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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Whatever You Feel Compelled to Do,

Don’tBy Tony Schwartz, 8:00 AM Thursday May 19, 2011

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Schwartz began his career as a writer in 1975 and spent 25 years as a journalist. He was a columnist for The New York Post, an Associate Editor at Newsweek, a reporter for The New York Times, and a staff writer at New York Magazine and at Esquire. In 1988, he coauthored the #1 worldwide bestseller The Art of the Deal with Donald Trump.

In 1999, Schwartz joined LGE Performance Systems, a training company, where he served as president until 2003. That same year, Tony coauthored The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy Not Time, with LGE chairman Jim Loehr. The book became a #1 Wall Street Journal bestseller, spent eight weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into 28 languages.

By Tony Schwartz, 8:00 AM Thursday May 19, 2011

Whatever You Feel Compelled to Do, Don't

Whatever You Feel Compelled to Do,

Don’tBy Tony Schwartz, 8:00 AM Thursday May 19, 2011

The Problem

1.) Received an email that upset or frustrated me

2.) Tempted to hit ‘reply all’, and type a very direct response and send it off with lightning speed….? To the wrong person, with confidential information …?

3.) Sitting in a feedback meeting & boss is telling me that my performance is below expectations.

Do I stop him mid sentence, raise my voice and tell the Boss “Najam, my coworker – Ali Hassni – is a lousy team player and that it’s all Ali’s fault?

Sometime, we do that!

Pushed “Send” Button & Regretted ?

Snapped at someone in a moment of frustration?

We know better. We're capable of better. So why we make short-sighted destructive choices?

Why we do that?

Basic Answere

We have 2-very distinct selves & suprisingly, both are not familiar with each other.

How we do behave, on a critical comment from a colleague or a boss

We lose our capacity for rationality & reflectiveness, and we mostly don't realize we've lost it.

I am 2

2-very distinct selves & suprisingly, both are not familiar with each other.

It isn't great in situations where thinking is an asset.

The problem is that our bodies respond to any perceived threat or problem we face.

I am 2

Under Ordinary Circumstances: Para – Sympathic Nerveous System & Prefrontal Cortex are running the show. We're capable of thinking clearly, calmly and logically. Performance Zone!

We're capable of operating at our best

Two Distinct Self

Perceived Threat Circumstances: Sympathetic Nervous System & Amygdalatake over & our second self setup. A flood of stress hormones is released. Our pre-frontal cortex shuts down, we become narrow and more myopic in our vision, and we react more primitively and instinctively.

Surival Zone!

The physiology of fight or flight mobilizes us to attack, or run like hell.

The Response

Think of this as the "Survival Zone." It's a great place to be if there's a lion coming at you.

We are not thinking. Just Reacting.

We are not thinking. Just Reacting.

We are not thinking. Just Reacting.

We are not thinking. Just Reacting.

We are not thinking. Just Reacting.

We are not thinking. Just Reacting.

When we gain our senses back, after the shock,

We did not take the responsibility for our

Bad Behaviours

We use our cognition to Justify, whatever we

said & did during Our 2nd – Self

The Mistake

So, what to do ?

Be more aware, when emotions begin to turn negative. That may mean noticing heart beating faster, or tightness in your chest, jaw, or forehead.

The next step, when sense you're getting frustrated or anxious, is to apply "The Golden Rules of Triggers." It's very simple: Whatever you feel compelled to do, don't.

Antidote – The Solution

Compulsions are not choices, & they rarely lead to positive outcomes.

The moment we feel, we are moving into the Survival Zone, label it: "Ah, there I go."

- Take a deep breath. - Inhale through your nose & Count of 3 - & exhale slowly to a count of six. - Feel our feet to the groundThat will quiet our body.

We have just bought time.

Now, ask ourselves "How would I behave here at my best?" & make a conscious choice about how to respond.

Antidote – The Solution

Quick interventions- Channel your frustration- Physically withdraw - Breathe deeply- Create a mantra- Zing yourself - Envision- Be appreciative - Use humor- Role-play

Antidote – More Solutions

Long Term Interventions- Create Learning- Loving-kindness meditation- Yoga (Prayers - Namaz)- Company programs & Trainings- Read up.

So… if you think that you’re about to have an Amygdala Hijack: be aware of it, master some techniques to help you through and – most importantly – Don’t Hit Send!

Antidote – More Solutions+

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