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Intimate RelationshipsFor Adolescents and
Young Adults
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://rifat.najmi.org/images/artworks/teenagers-in-love.jpg&imgrefurl=http://rifat.najmi.org/artworks/teenagers-in-love/&usg=__WYoLk6a0klfK0yqaLgY3DQJW3gs=&h=750&w=562&sz=38&hl=en&start=9&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=7aakPhpCQIISWM:&tbnh=141&tbnw=106&prev=/images?q=teenagers+in+love&hl=en&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-yr4jv32shttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-yr4jv32shttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-yr4jv32s8/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Learning Goals
Students will. know Knapps model of relationships
know Ducks Phases of Relationship Termination
consider the implications of cyber-technology onthe redefinition of and practice of friendship andfriendship communication
reflect on their own personal challenges indeveloping and sustaining friendships andintimate relationships
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http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://lh3.ggpht.com/_jnXGmRX3uJY/R1oKbbhvRQI/AAAAAAAAAqw/mwoqTylV9pY/100_0593.jpg&imgrefurl=http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/bHlrzKDDQJx6bIr9gpUSgw&usg=__u6OkHMYgLX2uO0GGBN2vgEzXMyo=&h=1200&w=1600&sz=255&hl=en&start=5&zoom=0&itbs=1&tbnid=1YqE-X_C-DfXlM:&tbnh=113&tbnw=150&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/friends.jpg&imgrefurl=http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/archives/2009/04/&usg=__fJtPTonylIl9TEx0pCE-xVKRN9E=&h=375&w=470&sz=41&hl=en&start=1&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=pFdP9s5X9LLQRM:&tbnh=103&tbnw=129&prev=/images?q=friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:18/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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The Nature of Friendship
Deliberate, voluntary relationships we enterinto with people with whom we sharecommon traits, shared experiences, or jointgoals
Needs a degree of trust, mutual affinity, andreciprocity
What is a friend?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv08/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Rawlins Stages of Friendship
Development Role-limited Interaction
Friendly Relations
Moves Toward Friendship http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUh
EG3U
Nascent Friendship Stabilized Friendship
Waning Friendship
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3Uhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3Uhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3Uhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3U8/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Sheehys Stages of Friendship
Formation (for Women) Attraction Initiating Structuring
Comfort Strengthening Testing Commitment
Are these stages thesame for Men?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRI8/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Influences on Friendship
Cultural Influences
Cultures affect what it means to be a friend
Cultures affect communication that shows
friendship Intercultural friendships are more difficult to
form and sustain
Cultures often encourage same-sex
friendships
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXk8/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Influences on Friendship
Contextual Influences
Friendship development online
Much more common today
Development of on-line and off-line friendshipsdiffer
The longer the friendship the more the medium isnot a factor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLFce5uZ3I
Work-based Friendship
Blended friendships difficult but common
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLFce5uZ3Ihttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLFce5uZ3Ihttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgY8/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://sitemaker.umich.edu/psy457_lamyiu/files/wedding_ring.jpg&imgrefurl=http://sitemaker.umich.edu/psy457_lamyiu/commitment&usg=__-pOo7Pu7c8cV5fixEeYO8f8FdaU=&h=318&w=426&sz=35&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=9eB39vo8mk3jZM:&tbnh=94&tbnw=126&prev=/images?q=romantic+relationships&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://kerriesmyres.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/06/15/chronic_illness_marriage.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thedailyheadache.com/2007/06/relationships_i.html&usg=__cCY7KxuVKDTnZchPXNol7Zd02pU=&h=300&w=213&sz=9&hl=en&start=2&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=McyU40Gd8_EWQM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=82&prev=/images?q=romantic+relationships&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:18/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Turning Points
Most relationships progress through a series ofstages marked by critical events
These events are called turning points atransformative event that alters the relationshipin some way Intrapersonal -- how we think about the relationship
// how we see ourselves
Dyadic how we interact with the other
Social network interactions connections we makewith important others
Circumstantial life events important life events thataffect the relationship
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Discussion
Do people in relationships see the sameevents as turning points in therelationship?
Are there gender differences in theseperceptions?
Are there generational differences in theseperceptions?
What impact does it have on arelationship if people do NOT seeturning points the same way?
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Stages of RelationalDevelopment and TerminationKnapps Theory of Relational
Development
Stages of Coming Together
Stages of Coming Apart
Stages are not necessarily linear Some stages are skipped
Some stages happen in different orders
Stages can be repeated
Stages have communicative markers
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Coming Together
Initiating
Experimenting
Intensifying
Integrating
Bonding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-M8/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Initiating
Just beginning to know one another
First encounters
Focus on presenting self as attractive
How ya doing?
Fine. You?
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Experimenting
Trying to discover the unknown
Establish whether there is interest informing a deeper relationship
Exchange demographic information, lookfor common interests; small talk
Oh, you like to ski? So do I
Really? Where do you go?
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Intensifying
Become close friends
Greater sense of awareness of andparticipation in the relationship
Informal forms of address; we
references
Nonverbal decoding sophistication
I think I love you.
I love you, too!
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Integrating
Cross from non-intimate to intimaterelationship
Cultivate and emphasize common
interests and shared activities
Exchange intimacy symbols; shareproperty
I feel so much a part of you. Yeah, we are like one person.
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Bonding
Formalized public commitment
I want to be with you always
Lets get married.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.axelhotels.com/live/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Gay+Marriages+Begin+California+CBea0_rJdq7l.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.axelhotels.com/live/same-sex-marriage-a-basic-civil-right/&usg=__4-h3CEHG2IxAb7weqclGDMyY6f0=&h=441&w=594&sz=47&hl=en&start=5&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=xYqlkAq2uwjQpM:&tbnh=100&tbnw=135&prev=/images?q=gay+marriages&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:18/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Coming Apart
Differentiating
Circumscribing
Stagnating
Avoiding
Terminating
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Differentiating
Become more aware of and focus ondifferences
Communication focuses on differences,
not similarities
Less WE and more ME
I just dont like big social gatherings.
Sometimes, I just dont understand you.This is one way Im not like you at all!
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Circumscribing
Constriction of communication; less opencommunication
Partners question the relationship
Reduction of topics according to breadthand depth
Did you have a good time on your trip?
What time will dinner be ready?
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Stagnating
Much distance between partners
Just co-existing, often for practicalreasons
Cautious language choices and topicavoidance
Use of formal or polite forms of speech
What is there to talk about?
Right, I know what youre going to say and
you know what Im going to say.
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Avoiding
Elimination of face-to-face andvoice-to-voice communication
Communication limited to
unavoidable situations and isbrief, direct, and to the point
Im so busy, I just dont know
when Ill be able to see you. If Im not around when you try,
youll understand.
http://www.samedaymarriage.com/divorce/images/divorce5.jpg8/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Terminating
Complete and formal dissolution of therelationship
Public announcement of the termination
of the relationship Im leaving you. And dont bother to try and
contact me.
Dont worry.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GUzNOgzLqw4/TECwTVFDItI/AAAAAAAAAFk/EhP9Df3MH0g/s1600/Divorce%20Decree.jpg&imgrefurl=http://bauerfamilylaw.blogspot.com/&usg=__jplOsqERMyRbnqYLV2JsNNBG2RA=&h=466&w=366&sz=35&hl=en&start=7&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=uWNMi6A7Q0IXkM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=101&prev=/images?q=divorce&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:18/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents
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Walk Around Activity
Around the room you will see posterscorresponding to each of the stages ofComing Together and Coming Apart
First -- Go to the Coming Together stagethat you find most difficult to do.
Once there, talk with others in your groupabout:
What makes this stage of a relationship difficultfor you
What communication skills would help you do itbetter.
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Walk Around Activity Second Stage Second -- Go to the Coming Apart
stage that you find most difficult to do.
Once there, talk with others in your
group about: What makes this stage of a relationship
difficult for you
What communication skills would help you
do it better. If you were to go through this stage again,
what could you do to make it easier??
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Ducks Phases of Relational
Termination
Initial Breakdown Phase
Intra-Psychic Phase
Dyadic Phase
Social Phase
Grave Dressing Phase
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Initial Breakdown
Dissatisfaction with relationship
Strain toward triviality
Increased tension between involvementand independence
Decrease and/or absence of supportfrom others
50% Rule
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Intra-Psychic
Evaluate partners behavior; assess
adequacy
Weigh pros and cons of relationship
Consider costs of withdrawal
Assess positive aspects of alternativerelationships
Debate whether to share or repressfeelings
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Dyadic
Confront partner and talk aboutrelationship
Attempt repair and reconciliation
Assess joint costs of withdrawal orreduced intimacy
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Social
Negotiate post-dissolution state withpartner
Initiate discussion in social network
Create publicly negotiable face-savingand blame-placing stories
Consider and deal with implied social
network effects, if any
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Grave Dressing
Getting over it activities
Retrospection
Reformulate the other as the cause ofthe break-up
Public distribution of own version ofbreak-up story
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Ending Relationships
How difficult is it for you to endrelationships?
If someone is going to end a relationship
WITH YOU, how would you like it to bedone?
If someone is going to end a relationshipWITH YOU, how do you NOT want it to
be done? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EI
TGxD4Go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EITGxD4Gohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EITGxD4Gohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EITGxD4Gohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EITGxD4Go