Interpersonal communication

Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal Communications

Communications

Robert Farrell

Communications

Robert Farrell

ContentsContents

Empathy. Dual Perspective. Communication Climate. Self-Disclosure. Acceptance & Non-Acceptance. Conflict. Nonviolent Communication Behavior.

Empathy. Dual Perspective. Communication Climate. Self-Disclosure. Acceptance & Non-Acceptance. Conflict. Nonviolent Communication Behavior.

IntroductionIntroduction

Interpersonal communication is part of everyday life in work, with friends, buying goods.

Coupled with non verbal communication it is a big part of your assessment: Interview. Group discussion. Presentation Q&A.

Interpersonal communication is part of everyday life in work, with friends, buying goods.

Coupled with non verbal communication it is a big part of your assessment: Interview. Group discussion. Presentation Q&A.

EmpathyEmpathy

Consider other persons situation. “Put yourself in their shows”. Get others to empathise with you. Build closer bonds.

Helps conflict resolution.

Done emotionally & verbally. “You must be over the moon”. “I can see you are upset”. “Imagine if it happened to you”.

Consider other persons situation. “Put yourself in their shows”. Get others to empathise with you. Build closer bonds.

Helps conflict resolution.

Done emotionally & verbally. “You must be over the moon”. “I can see you are upset”. “Imagine if it happened to you”.

Dual PerspectiveDual Perspective

We must consider both our situation and other peoples.

Part of negotiation, discussion & W-W outcomes.

React mutually beneficial outcomes.

We must consider both our situation and other peoples.

Part of negotiation, discussion & W-W outcomes.

React mutually beneficial outcomes.

Communication ClimateCommunication Climate

It is our general mood/emotional state at the time of communication.

What will happen if I disagree with you when you are: Happy? Angry? Tired? Stressed

It is our general mood/emotional state at the time of communication.

What will happen if I disagree with you when you are: Happy? Angry? Tired? Stressed

Communication ClimateCommunication Climate

We can feel nervous, tense, stressed, excited, happy etc.

We can respond neutral, ignorance, anger, acceptance etc.

If you hit deadlock: Use Empathy. Show the person their own emotion. Show how both need resolution. Offer suggestions & solutions. Be assertive & not aggressive.

We can feel nervous, tense, stressed, excited, happy etc.

We can respond neutral, ignorance, anger, acceptance etc.

If you hit deadlock: Use Empathy. Show the person their own emotion. Show how both need resolution. Offer suggestions & solutions. Be assertive & not aggressive.

Communication ClimateCommunication Climate

Unhealthy responses:•Judgmental.•Disrespectful.•Controlling.•Ignorant.•Exclude people.

Healthy responses:•Non-judgemental.•Respectful.•Collaborative.•Recognise others.•Inclusive.

Self-DisclosureSelf-Disclosure

“Revealing personal information about ourselves that others are unlikely to discover on their own”

Wood, 2000, p 194.

Used to develop trust & reciprocation. Requires preexisting relationship & trust. Negotiation: Ask for it if not reciprocated.

Form of cooperation. Take courage and effort.

Can be embarrassed or ashamed. Learned from childhood.

“Revealing personal information about ourselves that others are unlikely to discover on their own”

Wood, 2000, p 194.

Used to develop trust & reciprocation. Requires preexisting relationship & trust. Negotiation: Ask for it if not reciprocated.

Form of cooperation. Take courage and effort.

Can be embarrassed or ashamed. Learned from childhood.

Self-DisclosureSelf-Disclosure

Different levels from basic to intimate. Basic: Small talk acts as ice-breaker at interviews.

Certain types are inappropriate to situations: Personal vs professional.

Tip: Share how to: Study, Overcome work-life balance, Write reports or research.

Different levels from basic to intimate. Basic: Small talk acts as ice-breaker at interviews.

Certain types are inappropriate to situations: Personal vs professional.

Tip: Share how to: Study, Overcome work-life balance, Write reports or research.

ActivityActivity

What are the benefits/risks of self disclosure?

Are certain topics taboo to disclose in certain situations?

What are the benefits/risks of self disclosure?

Are certain topics taboo to disclose in certain situations?

Acceptance & Non-AcceptanceAcceptance & Non-Acceptance

We all want to be accepted or fit in. Maslow hierarchy of needs.

Modern (Social), historic (Survival). Excommunication. Don’t want to feel ignored or not valued.

Can damage our confidence.

Group discussion: Respect & appreciate others input. Allow other input, don’t be overly critical. Encourage silent members to input.

We all want to be accepted or fit in. Maslow hierarchy of needs.

Modern (Social), historic (Survival). Excommunication. Don’t want to feel ignored or not valued.

Can damage our confidence.

Group discussion: Respect & appreciate others input. Allow other input, don’t be overly critical. Encourage silent members to input.

Acceptance & Non-AcceptanceAcceptance & Non-Acceptance

ActivityActivityWhich responses are better to use: I think you could work harder. Your lazy.

We should discuss this further. Its pointless, we’re getting nowhere.

That idea failed 2 years ago, could we adapt it now. That’s always been a bad idea.

Your assignment was crap. Your report would be better if you included more references.

We’re not doing it, end of discussion. That date is very soon, how could we make it happen by then.

Which responses are better to use: I think you could work harder. Your lazy.

We should discuss this further. Its pointless, we’re getting nowhere.

That idea failed 2 years ago, could we adapt it now. That’s always been a bad idea.

Your assignment was crap. Your report would be better if you included more references.

We’re not doing it, end of discussion. That date is very soon, how could we make it happen by then.

Acceptance & Non-AcceptanceAcceptance & Non-Acceptance

Acceptance:

Forms:•Recognition.•Acknowledgement.•Approval

Communicated by:•Eye contact,•Handshake,•Smile,•Nodding.•“I know what you mean”.

Non-Acceptance:

Communicated by:

•Not communicating acceptance.•Disregard.•Verbal:

•“Im having difficulty with it”---•“Ok, where is my pen”•“Don’t be stupid, its easy”.•“That doesn't matter”.

Non-AcceptanceNon-Acceptance

Forms:

•Recognition.

•Acknowledgement.

•Approval

Communicated by:

•Eye contact,•Handshake,•Smile,•Nodding.•“I know what you mean”.

ConflictConflict

Result of different Interests, Priorities, Views etc. Basic in human nature.

Cons: Damages relationships. Bad working environment. (Video)

Pros: (Video) Must be managed well. Devils advocate & chairperson/facilitator. Divergent thinking: new ideas. New solutions to new problems. Overcomes Group think & status quo bias. Challenger space shuttle O rings.

Result of different Interests, Priorities, Views etc. Basic in human nature.

Cons: Damages relationships. Bad working environment. (Video)

Pros: (Video) Must be managed well. Devils advocate & chairperson/facilitator. Divergent thinking: new ideas. New solutions to new problems. Overcomes Group think & status quo bias. Challenger space shuttle O rings.

ConflictConflict

Overt Conflict: Openly expression of disagreement.

Calmly or quietly. “I don’t completely agree with that point”

Load & Aggressive. “That’s completely wrong!”

It is generally positive to air conflict: In the Right way.

Overt Conflict: Openly expression of disagreement.

Calmly or quietly. “I don’t completely agree with that point”

Load & Aggressive. “That’s completely wrong!”

It is generally positive to air conflict: In the Right way.

QuickTime™ and a decompressor

are needed to see this picture.

ConflictConflictCovert Conflict: Express conflict indirectly.

Passive aggression. Not helping others. Withholding resources/information. Silent resentment.

Generally unhealthy. Does not address problem or create resolution. Can erupt later. Causes stress to person holding it in.

Why we do it: It can be uncomfortable to express disagreement. Conflict aversion.

Covert Conflict: Express conflict indirectly.

Passive aggression. Not helping others. Withholding resources/information. Silent resentment.

Generally unhealthy. Does not address problem or create resolution. Can erupt later. Causes stress to person holding it in.

Why we do it: It can be uncomfortable to express disagreement. Conflict aversion.

QuickTime™ and a decompressor

are needed to see this picture.

ConflictConflict

We we respond as we do

A Survey of Empirical Studies of Conflict. Easterbrook, S. M. (ed) 1993 CSCW: Cooperation or Conflict? London: Springer-Verlag, pp. 1-68.

http://www.cs.toronto.edu/~sme/papers/1993/csrp227.pdf

ConflictConflict

Responding to Conflict: Active:

Do something about it.

Passive: Do nothing. It can build.

Constructive: Preserve & maintain relationship.

Destructive: Break the relationship.

Responding to Conflict: Active:

Do something about it.

Passive: Do nothing. It can build.

Constructive: Preserve & maintain relationship.

Destructive: Break the relationship.

Correct response dependson situation.

Sometime the bestresponse is to end a relationship

or “Face face”.

ActivityActivity

When is each response advisable?

Active

Passive

Constructive

Destructive

When is each response advisable?

Active

Passive

Constructive

Destructive

ConflictConflict4 Specific conflict responses

Exit: Leave the conversation mentally or stop listening.. Active & Destructive.

Neglect: Ignore the problem: “There is nothing wrong”. Passive & Destructive.

Loyalty: Allow other person to solve it unopposed. Passive & Constructive.

Voice: Discuss the problem, propose solutions. Active & Constructive.

4 Specific conflict responses

Exit: Leave the conversation mentally or stop listening.. Active & Destructive.

Neglect: Ignore the problem: “There is nothing wrong”. Passive & Destructive.

Loyalty: Allow other person to solve it unopposed. Passive & Constructive.

Voice: Discuss the problem, propose solutions. Active & Constructive.

ActivityActivity

4 Specific conflict responses

Do you think any are correct or incorrect to use.

Think of a situation when they would be the right style to use?

4 Specific conflict responses

Do you think any are correct or incorrect to use.

Think of a situation when they would be the right style to use?

Nonviolent CommunicationNonviolent Communication

Developed by American psychologist, Dr Marshal Rosenberg. Steps:

Observe the situation/conflict. Express you feeling. Say what you need to happen to solve conflict. Request help in solving the problem/conflict.

Must practice, listening, respect etc.

Developed by American psychologist, Dr Marshal Rosenberg. Steps:

Observe the situation/conflict. Express you feeling. Say what you need to happen to solve conflict. Request help in solving the problem/conflict.

Must practice, listening, respect etc.

Nonviolent CommunicationNonviolent Communication

What we say is NOT always what we mean.

Example: I have not seen you clean you room in 2 weeks. You are lazy.

I have not seen you buy a round of drinks for us. You are mean.

He missed the last 3 report deadlines. He is so disorganised.

What we say is NOT always what we mean.

Example: I have not seen you clean you room in 2 weeks. You are lazy.

I have not seen you buy a round of drinks for us. You are mean.

He missed the last 3 report deadlines. He is so disorganised.

Why are theyacting this way?

ActivityActivity

Which statement is better to use? You’re intimidating me. I feel intimidated when you do that.

You’re doing my head in. I get frustrated when you do that.

You’re always so demanding. I am finding it hard to cope with these demands.

Which statement is better to use? You’re intimidating me. I feel intimidated when you do that.

You’re doing my head in. I get frustrated when you do that.

You’re always so demanding. I am finding it hard to cope with these demands.

BehaviorBehavior

Aggressive Behavior: Forces your needs over another persons. W-L outcome. Obstacle to Pie expansion. Not listening to their point of view. Ignorant & Arrogant. Damages current & future relationship.

Aggressive Behavior: Forces your needs over another persons. W-L outcome. Obstacle to Pie expansion. Not listening to their point of view. Ignorant & Arrogant. Damages current & future relationship.

BehaviorBehavior

Passive behavior: Sacrificing own needs to another’s. Apologetic, lacks initiative. Non-assertive. W-L outcome. Damages relationship & pie expansion. Damages self confidence. Self fulfilling prophecy.

Passive behavior: Sacrificing own needs to another’s. Apologetic, lacks initiative. Non-assertive. W-L outcome. Damages relationship & pie expansion. Damages self confidence. Self fulfilling prophecy.

BehaviorBehavior

Assertive behavior: Positive way to express ideas, needs, feelings. Treat self & other with equal importance. W-W. Supports pie expansion. Supports relationship building. Shows confidence & self worth. Limits risk of being exploited.

Assertive behavior: Positive way to express ideas, needs, feelings. Treat self & other with equal importance. W-W. Supports pie expansion. Supports relationship building. Shows confidence & self worth. Limits risk of being exploited.

ActivityActivity

A co worker/student is always asking you to get him/her coffee but never gets you one back. Until now you have gotten coffee for him/her.

One day you are busy with work.

1. Write a brief response for each type: Aggressive. Passive. Assertive.

2. How do you think he/she perceives each response?

A co worker/student is always asking you to get him/her coffee but never gets you one back. Until now you have gotten coffee for him/her.

One day you are busy with work.

1. Write a brief response for each type: Aggressive. Passive. Assertive.

2. How do you think he/she perceives each response?

Chapter ReviewChapter Review

1. Give a brief explanation of Empathy & Dual perspective.

2. What is communication climate?

3. What are the advantages/disadvantages of self disclosure?

4. Give 3 examples of accepting/non-accepting communication.

5. List advantages/disadvantages of conflict.

6. Outline 4 responses to conflict.

7. What are the 4 components of nonviolent communication?

8. What is a passive/aggressive/assertive response?

1. Give a brief explanation of Empathy & Dual perspective.

2. What is communication climate?

3. What are the advantages/disadvantages of self disclosure?

4. Give 3 examples of accepting/non-accepting communication.

5. List advantages/disadvantages of conflict.

6. Outline 4 responses to conflict.

7. What are the 4 components of nonviolent communication?

8. What is a passive/aggressive/assertive response?

SummarySummary

Empathy. Dual Perspective. Communication Climate. Self-Disclosure. Acceptance & Non-Acceptance. Conflict. Nonviolent Communication Behavior.

Empathy. Dual Perspective. Communication Climate. Self-Disclosure. Acceptance & Non-Acceptance. Conflict. Nonviolent Communication Behavior.