Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal Communication

Software Requirements – Unit 0

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Effective Communication There is an old story that,

in the I World War, the front line sent a message via runners to the general. The message said: “Send reinforcements, we

are going to advance!”

By the time the message reached the general it said: “Send three and

fourpence, we are going to a dance!”

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant ...”

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Brain Friendly Communication

We are different, our brains are different, different modes of thinking, …

Let´s see the Dancer Test

Hemispheric Dominance - Left vs. Right: Which Side Are You On? Do you agree with the outcome of

the test? How many ‘leftists’? How many ‘rightist’?

Good teamwork between left and right sides of the brain is needed for Good Communication

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How to Improve our Communication Skills Unit Outline

Lecture Introduction to Interpersonal Communication Effective Listening Skills Assertiveness Asking Questions Effectively

Out-of-class activity Reading Communication skills selftest Uploading Activity Per.Exp. 0.1 Outcome

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About Interpersonal Communication Process of sending and receiving information

between two or more people Types of Interpersonal Communication

Dyadic communication (two people) Public speaking Small-group communication

Basic elements Communication channels

Direct channels: obvious, under control of sender Verbal (spoken or written) or Non-verbal (colour, sound,

controlled body movements) Indirect channels: recognized subliminally,

subconsciously, not under direct control of the sender Body Language

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Interpersonal Communication: What for? Gaining Information about other individual

For interacting more effectively Better prediction about how they think, feel, and act How? Passively (by observing them), Actively (having

others engage them) or Interactively (engaging them ourselves)

Better Understanding others Words can mean very different things depending on

how they are said or in what context What and how are sent simultaneously, and both

affect the meaning Establishing Identity

Roles we play and public self-image we present Interpersonal Needs

Inclusion, Control and Affection

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Types of CommunicationRelational Patterns

Rigid Role Relations Dominance and Submissiveness

Complementary or Symmetrical

Disconfirming Responses Impervious: not acknowledge the other Interrupting: Cutting the other's message Irrelevant: Giving unrelated response Tangential: Briefly responding Impersonal: Responding by using formal

language Incoherent: Responding with difficult to

understand message Incongruous: Giving contradictory verbal and

nonverbal messages Spirals

One partner’s communications leads to increasing levels of satisfaction or dissatisfaction

Dependencies and counterdependencies Total agreement with whatever the other says

or frequent total disagreement

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Interpersonal Conflict Expressed struggle between at least two

interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals

Important concepts in definition: The two sides must communicate about the

problem Often involves perceptions

Common Problems: Avoiding conflict: damaging, greater problems in

the future Individuals blaming other individuals Adopting a win-lose strategy

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Interpersonal Conflict ManagementAvoid Defensive Climate

Foster Supportive Climate

Evaluation: judging and criticizing other group members

Control: imposing the will of one group member on the others

Strategy: using hidden agendas

Neutrality: demonstrating indifference and lack of commitment

Superiority: expressing dominance

Certainty: being rigid in one's willingness to listen to others.

Description: presenting ideas or opinions

Problem orientation: focusing attention on the task

Spontaneity: communicating openly and honestly

Empathy: understanding another person's thoughts

Equality: asking for opinions Provisionalism: expressing a

willingness to listen the ideas of others

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Interpersonal Communication

We are going to explicitly work on Effective Listening

“You have two ears and one mouth. I suggest that you use them in that proportion”

Assertiveness “Too many of us fail to fulfill our

needs because we say no rather than yes, or perhaps later in life, yes when we should say no”

Effective Questioning “Only the crystal-clear question

yields a transparent answer”

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Effective Listening: Active Listening Communication = Speaking & Listening = good

speaking and effective listening skills Difference between Hearing & Listening? Effective Listening Tips

Make an effort to block out outer distractions. Resist the urge to day dream. Try to understand and correctly interprete body language. Pay attention to tone also, as it is vital to the correct

interpretation of the message. Have an open mind. Try not to make judgments about the

speaker or the message. Don't hesitate to ask and clarify (do not interrupt, jot

questions down) Big mistake: being preoccupied on what you want to say.

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Assertive Communication Appropriately direct communication, open and honest,

and clarifies one’s needs to the other person Natural to some, but skill that can be learned Greatly reduces the level of interpersonal conflict,

reducing a major source of stress Features of assertive people:

assume the best about others and respect themselves, think “win-win” and try to compromise

In contrast, individuals behaving aggressively tend to employ disrespectful, manipulative or abusive tactics make negative assumptions about motives of others don’t think of the other person’s point of view at all win at the expense of others, and create unnecessary conflict

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Effective Questioning Techniques Open Questions (what, why,

how): long answers Developing an open

conversation Finding our more detail Finding out the other person's

opinion or issues Close Questions: short

answers, yes or no. For Gathering facts, testing

your understanding or the other person's

Concluding a discussion or making a decision

Frame setting Misplaced closed question: kill

the conversation, awkward silences

Funnel Questions Start with general questions, then

focus on a point in each answer, and ask more and more detail at each level

Tip: start with closed questions and progress to open ones

Good for: Finding out more detail about a

specific point Gaining the interest or increasing

the confidence of the person you are with 

Rhetorical Questions An answer is not expected, they

are statements phrased in question form

For engaging the listener

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Effective Questioning Techniques Probing Questions

Strategy for finding out more detail

Tip: ask ‘Why?’ And use ‘exactly’.

Good for: Gaining clarification to

ensure you have the whole story and that you understand it thoroughly

Drawing information out of people who are trying to avoid telling you something

Leading Questions That will lead the

respondent in your way of thinking

To be used with care Can be seen as

manipulative and dishonest

How: Phrasing the question so

that the "easiest" response is yes

Adding personal appeal to agree

Choice between fixed options

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Effective Questioning Tips for …Learning: Ask

open and closed questions, and use probing questioning

Relationship building: Ask

about what they do or enquire about their opinions. In

affirmative way, ask for opinionsManaging and

coaching: Rhetorical and

leading questions. Help reflect and

commit to suggested courses

of action

Avoiding misunderstanding

s: Use probing questions to seek

clarification, particularly when the consequences

are significant

De-fusing a heated

situation: Calm a colleague by using funnel questions to

get them to go into more detail

about their grievance

Persuading people:  Open

questions will help others to embrace the reasons behind your point of view

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Questions or Comments?

Interpersonal Communication