III. Style 3.2 Concise Sentences (not short, but not padded)

III. Style

3.2 Concise Sentences(not short, but not padded)

Wordiness

Wordiness—using more words than necessary—often leads to awkward or unclear sentences.

Wordiness

For example:Alyssa is of the opinion that

marijuana should be made legal.

can be rewritten more clearly andprecisely:

Alyssa supports the legalization of marijuana.

Here’s another example:

I would like to say that my subject

in this paper will be the kind ofgenerous person my father was.

can be rewritten more clear and concisely:

My father was a generous person.

or even more concisely:My father was generous.

Seven Specific Strategiesto help you write more concisely

1. Eliminate redundancies:

Redundant phrases such ascooperate together,close proximity,basic essentials andtrue facts

are a common source of wordiness.

Seven Specific Strategies

2. Delete words that don’t add meaning to the sentence:

The town of Monmouth, located in Oregon, was founded as a religious community.

Monmouth, Oregon was founded as a religious community.

Seven Specific Strategies

3. Cut wordy expressions, or replace with a single word:

due to the fact that becauseregardless of the fact that althoughconcerning the matter of regardingthere is a need for should, musthas the ability to canfor the purpose of to

Seven Specific Strategies

4. Cut “There is” or “There are” constructions:

There is another videotape that shows the robbery of a convenience store.

Another videotape shows the robbery of a convenience store.

Seven Specific Strategies

5. Eliminate unnecessary intensifiers or hedges; find a stronger adjective:

The plot of Matrix is really very good, at least I think so.

The plot of Matrix is excellent.

Seven Specific Strategies

6. Use strong active verbs.

Active verbs express meaning more vigorously than to be verbs or passive voice verbs.

Forms of to be (am, is, are, was, were, being, and been) seem weak because they convey no action.

Passive verbs lack strength because their subjects receive action instead of doing it.

For example:Form of to be:

A power surge was responsible forthe destruction of my strawberry iMac.

Passive:

My strawberry iMac was destroyed by apower surge.

Active:A power surge destroyed my strawberry iMac.

Seven Specific Strategies7. Use clear, simple nouns and strong, active verbs.

Minimize words between subject and verb and between verb and object.

I have a preference for Ferraris. I prefer Ferraris.Please make a decision today. Please decide

today.We need to have a discussion about the problem.

We need to discuss the problem.I have just come to the realization that I was

mistaken.I made a mistake.

Sample Sentences

Make these sentences more concise by simplifying nouns, using strong verbs, and by clearing out the clutter words:

1. Tree pruning may be done during any time of the year.

One suggestion:

Prune trees any time.

2. Actually, I am very definitely in

love with you.

One suggestion:

I love you.

3. I find Susan to be an industrious and competent employee.

One suggestion:

Susan is industrious and competent.

4. Summer is a time in which more engines overheat than any other.

One suggestion:

Engines overheat most often in summer.

5. My mother’s quick wit is an

extremely impressive aspect of

her personality.

Two suggestions:

My mother has a quick wit.

Or

My mother’s quick wit is impressive.