Ignite 2016 kiwifoo, Snells Beach, New Zealand

14 simple rules to write a scientific paper

HT: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26945340!

Rule #14: Whenever possible, use acronyms

WTF?

#NoOneReadsYourPapersAnyway

Rule #13:

HT:!

Use words with many syllables

supercali/agilisticex3ialidotious much?


!

(It makes you look smart)!

Rule 12:

HT:!

Or simply use a lot of words ….

Why use !‘sea’ when you can use!

‘aquatic saline fish isotonic marine environment’ !

I sea what you did there…..


Rules 12-14:

HT: http://io9.gizmodo.com/this-may-be-the-best-scientific-paper-abstract-ever-wri-729221070!

Clarity is not a virtue

Off with their heads!…..

Rule #11:

#NoOneReadsYourLabNotebookAnyway

Make the data fit your story

CherAies anyone?

(You _do_ get to choose what you publish, don’t you?)!

Rule 10:

HT: http://diabetes.diabetesjournals.org/content/60/1/306.full!

Though we failed to achieve statistical significance to the level of P < 0.05 in the

diabetic group, the near significance (P = 0.06–0.09) for the correlation of [blah blah] suggests

that the relationship [blah blah] is also present in [blah blah].!

You nearly had me there…

#NoOneReadsYourMethodsAnyway

Don’t let statistics get in the way

Rule # 9:

HT: Me!

Hi, Could I look at your unpublished data please?

Exploit your other options


Hello? Hello I am going

through a tHnnel…

Uh, I am _in_ your office!

| unpublished observations | unpublished data | personal communication | manuscript in preparation |!

Rule # 8:

HT: Me!

It’s like yellow submarine all

over again!

Pretty pictures are always better than accurate pictures


Rule # 7:

HT: http://jcb.rupress.org/content/166/1/11.full!

Photoshop is your friend


I can smell the rat tissue here…

Rule # 6:

HT: http://aob.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2016/02/28/aob.mcw007.long!

You cant handle the details!!!

A gist of what you did is enough


For dye injection into individual sieve elements, microcapillaries were pulled from borosilicate glass tubes of 1 mm outer and 0·5 mm inner diameter (Harvard Apparatus, Holliston, MA, USA)

with a Sutter Instruments laser puller model P-2000 (Sutter Instruments, Novato, CA, USA). Capillary tips were backfilled with 0·5 μL of rhodamine B (Sigma-Aldrich, St. Louis, MO, USA), a

membrane-impermeant fluorescent dye, and the remainder of the capillary was filled with 50 cSt silicone oil to exclude air. Injection experiments were performed with a custom-built cell

pressure system attached to the Leica DM 2500 microscope. Fluorescence was observed with a Leica N2.1 filter block.!

tip size?!concentration?! catalogue #?!

how much !pressure?!

Resolution?!

Rule #6-11:

HT: http://www.sciencemag.org/site/feature/contribinfo/prep/prep_online.xhtml!

Anyone seen my magOifQing glass?

Methods are really not that important…

(GLAM journals [eg Nature, Science, Cell] do not include methods section in the main body of the

article) !


Rule # 5:

HT: ME!

Supplementary sections are your friends

Uh?

‘To be accepted for posting, supplementary materials! must be essential !

to the scientific integrity and excellence of the paper.’!

#NoOneReadsYourSupplementaryMaterialsAnyway

HT: http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2015/12/the_best_funny_clever_or_offensive_science_paper_titles.html!

Rule # 4: Craft the title of your paper with love and care

hee hee, uranus, hee hee!

#EveryoneActuallyReadsTheTitle

Rule # 3:

HT: Image CCBY Duncan Hull | https://www.flickr.com/photos/dullhunk/8653757940/!

Publish in the right journal

If I get a second morRgage……

#NoOneReadsYourPaperAnyway

Rule # 2: Always remember your audience

#ChirpChirpChirp

BECAUSE…..

HT:!

#No #One #Reads #Your #Stuff #Anyway I wonder why ……

There is one final rule that rules them all…..

HT: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3029678!

Rule # 1: Science progresses one funeral at a time

I just hope it isn’t mine…

Thank you…

M Fabiana Kubke!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution

4.0 International License.!

(disclaimers)