Hymns to an Absent Goddess

8/9/2019 Hymns to an Absent Goddess

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to an

Absent Goddess

Offered by Heru Christos





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Many have been my experiences with the Absent Goddess. At every turn of my heart, beckoning mefurther into this Darkness, I have stared into yet another mask; each a facet of some unknowable Void.

She is as ephemeral as our own images in a mirror; Yet her beauty is the essence of that impermanence, it is the very sorrow invoked at the realization that everything changes. Only Nothing, the sweet Goddessherself, never changes. These words are not fromsome unknowable source, however; they are the

imperfect attempts to translate the beatings of thisheart in devotion to my Love, and to existence herself.These pains are the essence of our humanity- toescape from them is to escape from the thrill of union which we taste in those moments when we disperseinto sensual awareness. Without these pains, without

these sorrows, this world would be cold and lifeless. Ishare these words in an attempt to articulate theelegance, the sublimity, of the experience of pain andpleasure in Loving. The nature of being human is tostruggle, to live, to be enwrapped in the irrationalfeelings that pulse at the very heart of our soul. The

meager attempt to translate these experiences is thebirth of Art, and the Birth of Divinity. Our continuousstruggle to create based upon our own hearts longing is the only true path to the center of this Labyrinth.



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Visions Rape

this life has pressed

this dreary soulinto the withered molds of decay;thrashed and screamedinto fairest begotten day

and I lay with deathI knew her corpse

For she wore away As I showered herIn the acid of my love;

Cocoons break And this falls away

With the final few walls;

For these tears were never enough-But for a dying worldThey fed beyond my sight;

And dreams became my spirit My vision broke this illusionAnd in the purity of truth

I found a FlameAlive amidst the darknessThat this love pressed in to me.

I found a never againThat let me sleep



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Not in peaceBut in a vengeful fragrance of

A Truth worth dying forA Truth worth fighting for;

I found my way along Shifting labyrinthian walls;

And from its abyss,These bitter stings

Rose to meet my innocence.Enduring the Beasts

I learned to walk againIn that shadow I found a spark,

I see now by its light,Forced to find my own Dream

Which became my soul;This heart is unbearable,

Kindled into silence;I walk within this gift

It outpours from my skin,Exuded from my wordsIt finds a voice in me;

I tremble as I reach my hands

Out to the few instrumentsAt my command;Afraid to create;

Afraid to try-



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Yet compelled to shareThe presence

of this indwelling divine…This weakness devours from within

Yet the strength of its forceCalls me to be free;

Tender kiss from this fountainOf Amritas dew in flower;

The images arise,In my souls sacrifice;

Planted seed in barren despairI am a change,

Magick entire fused in to my flesh;A mutant of its siren song;

My brain a receptacleFor its infinite depths;

Enchanted I try to placeThese words in fragile shells.

I fail. I stumble;I fall again and again,Into the wretchedThe wretched lies

That bind meTry to tie me

to this demons sonorous voice.Harangued by guilt



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And fear of hope;Blessed with sight,

Yet no voice to screamTo praise its perfection,

To drop down to kneesIn worship with my eyes;

Searching they find, to blame.And this tongueCannot frame

Its mighty Name-

For all I have is a failing trailOf whispers and tendrils

Which touch this presence With a small and frail Whimpering smile, all

Lingering as some long gone scent,

Inside my only kiss-Offered to some unknown wish.

Searching this forsaken Waste of dilemmas riddle,

This sphinx of mist;This enigma of life’s bliss.

From out of its bite,This poison in my blood,This is Heaven begotten

Inside this absent



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Devoid sky Which I have lain beside

And tried to die;For I am too walled off,

Too alone and scarredTo manifest this dream;

I press on,Bloom wings to fly

For I have no choiceBut to immolate this “I”

To be gone with the doubtsAnd to let vision

Take flight;To sweep acrossThis barren rock

And ignite It,

Ablaze.



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Lingering Senses

This lingers, unfolding like lotus bloomsProjecting this flight into unknown possibilities.

This heart beats again…Fear. Pulse. Love. Pulse.

Trembling this iridescent glimmerReflects off of my stillness.

Light is brought, ablaze it glows. You, dear night, have erupted this heart,

Beating to this magnificent dance of life.Slipstreams slide through the moonbeamsBetween your eyes; the glow pulses again.

“Give in, slip betweenThe pull of the motion of stars draws you inBeckons the hidden depths of your sorrow

To extend into light” your eyes speak.I listen, moving out,

Through this membrane I push;Fluid moments of past presents

Flicker through this heart,

a million manifold memoriespass across this wounded vessel,

filled with light I enter light;and in the infinitude of its mad piping



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I hear the sounds of rolling drumsEchoing softly over tender limbs,

Skins velvet caressesLike a warm scent upon a sheen,

A perfect tendril of comparison Which unwinds across my back,

Up my spine it pushes,And the magick bleeds from my veins

Poured out as a sacrificeTo your infinite body.

This dream enters, breathing me in;It licks the sound from my throat

As a soft kiss it comes from these lips;A worshipping eternity

Born into this pregnant silence;Each instant the birth of some new dream.

I weave the threads from this moments choices,Spinning a web to catch the flies of fate

To ensorcel the worldIn a blaze of radiant re-creation.

In this ecstatic night the pores weep out A bitter and beautiful elixir

A wine of deepest amber hues,A vision glistens with a salivating hunger

To be born, to take form,And out of this Love comes careening



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A billion untold futures;And I weave them on this loom of tears

And from its beauty radiates a perfect future.My blood waters these dreams;

Ingested into the earth they take form. With undulating scintillations

They shimmer with a simple radianceAs from the glow of your body,

Infinite and perfect and resplendently empty.In this place I burn up,

These words, this tongueA golden flame of worship

To the divine love Which emanates through your skin.I lie still, surrender to its pulsing.

Fear. Pulse. Love. Pulse.

Death. Pulse.Dream.



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Deaths Demise

intentions pressing like lifting veils,presence unfolds from inside this jail;

unbarred and unlockedtimid steps into light,

found in foundations of perfect sight; with a leap and a roar, with a timid small quiver

I move into shadows,

with a heart full of love,I slip between the sliver

of dawn before the sun setsand in to this secret

adytum I spy a secret lovers kiss and cry,

here I die,amid the moonless aeons

revolving , quiet, still;here all ends,

this offering of my will;here Vision is born

from out of this womb,my body encased

and enthroned in the tomb;my love breaks free



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from the chains and the bars,my voice cries aloud and sounds the alarm.

I take flight into Being,into ecstasies bliss

and from out of my night comes the sight of a kiss,

infinite and wondrous,encased in your dew,

lunar milk from the starsupon earths few

who see love in their soulsand eternity in this embrace

full of awe at the glory which rains down from your face.

and I,I watch from within

and in my darkness I seethe birth of this star

that’s inside you and me.blazing throughout

all of creationI am set one fire

in one glorious pyresinging hymns to the night bringing forth hidden light,

and in one long cry,



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one last painful prostrationI lie still, I die,

and out of this deaththe final manifestation

of dreams disguiseunveiled at last

from the plan of pains demise. wondrous goddess,

inspired and preparedthere is an ocean to swim in

in the depths of your stare.

You are Love and Light, a reflection of our divine.

Boundaries

Pressing lips, mad kissTouch of divinity is my insanity

Passions breath drips dew of dreamsI place myself against the grain,

Bare the pain of this infinite creation;Eyes of an angel pierce this devil,

Dissolves this darknessIn the clear light of your midnight sky;



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Beloved emptiness Your shimmering removes this fragile

Sense of self, breaks these chains,Unbinds this blindness

Untapped light beyond sight.Forever my madness

Entrances the glancesFrom the radiant empty jewel

Which is your arched starlit body.I am infinite in your embrace;

Past the seed of transitionThis grows out of me,

Out of us, out of Visions presence;Ancestral awakening bringing forth day.

This is a beginning.Here is where I end

And your body begins.There are no more boundaries

For we are None,Together in eternity.

I finally fade away.



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Spaces Between Her

the voices to the winds of change,echoing softly down;

rose petals scatteredsoft velvet for feet to tread.down to the waters edge,

pale reflections cast across abysses glow bugs twinkle in the frenzy of pan.and I, amidst these branches of twilight,

I sink down into this heart,into the wonton barren life around me

I sink down into these treesamidst those places of desolation.

my love is here,dear love....

dear love....and I walk again to the sound

baleful trumpets lick clean my wounds,and circles fall past this worn path,

driving me to the wildernesses edge.and there, to see,

ah to see.Being, encompassed again

in thralls of pale comparisonreaching out unto its counterpart,



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like too many lovers crying for unionblindfolded and lovely,manifold in their limbs

pressing noses to beehives,

and sucking in the sweet honey.nectar.

"dear lady, why have I come?""to learn the dissonance of His harmonies,to find His wayside cast beyond the hearth,

to hear the vibrations of his harp,

to hear the echoes of his flute.Dear chaos enwraps you and feeds you."

She says."But what of yourself?"

"I am the glades transience,its waterfalls and cracking twigs,

the breezes through its trees,the fog rolling off its waters,

the dew upon its spiders webs.I am the ephemeral life,

trapped in ecstasy unto my Lord,forever entwined between

the glorious dances of energy and the chains of flesh.

For me, there is not eternity,but rather fleeting images,



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each as unreal as the next.and in all is my beauty residing,

reflecting and refracting.in every wind swept cliff,

in the beat of every wing in the call of every bird,

in the dance of life entire I am.I am the executor of His Law."

And I carry on between and back again,

as his rain shorns my body leaving me cool and placid and calm.

leaving me empty again,so wonderfully empty.

I can never return to the habitations of men.

a wild one I have become.a child of chaos,

a desolate and forsaken wandereramidst the glorious heaven of wilderness.

forget me not, oh lord,for I am ever thy child!



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Tumbling Through

and my heart tumbles overI see indentations in my skin

from where the wrinkles of my sheetspressed into my sides.

I smell awakening,and with a breath of crisp air

I am shaken awake.I am alive, here,

alive.Like so many drifting petalsmy mind wanders.This heart is free

and it beats to the motion of the windsto the speech of the water;

it stands erect and powerful as an oak.A light has grown within,and I wrap myself in the darkness.

Under the cloak of silence,my love finds its rest;

amidst this night

I watch the shadows passand I see forms flickerlike so many thoughts in my head.

Yet I am at peace,



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I am at rest.

Tumbling over my emotions,

I have found the tracks which led me to this Palace of night I have found this void,

so perfect and still;and I alight,

as a million suns burning,

I fill this space with light.This is nothingness with twinkles.

Here I will lay my weary head;here I find my peace

amidst this emptiness inside me.

Here I will finally stay.I am so tired of running from it so tired of reaching for escape.

I have come home-here there is no one.

there is no god

no loverno friend.here, there is nothing.

My beloved nothing.I need no security



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when I am wrapped in this lovers arms.No escape,

no desire to leave.I accept

and I sink downwards.never to leave again.this heart is inviolate

immolated;it is immaculate

in its precipitate.

I let go, into her warmth.There is no guarantee

no safety.only the pure thrill of Lifepumping through my veins

informed from my heart---here all roads meet.

I lay my past at peace,I let it all wash away.

I have taken the divedown into those deep waters-

I have left it all behind.I have given up my "love"

and I have learned to breathe these waters.How glorious the mysteries of the deep,





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and thus is it perfect in its moment never to be captured

never to be tamed,never to be saved.

I was a fool to ever hold on,to attempt to rid myself of these feelings.

they are what I am,and I love them as my very flesh and blood.

They leave indentations on my skin

from the covers of my lovers.They are the scents of so many days gone past.

Fond and painful memories.

I have found myself.I have come home.

as my heart tumbles overit sees itself

and awakens to this moment holy and shining,

painfully dark and wonderfully radiant.



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Coming Home

Enwrapped in this silence

The images creep inUnder dissolution of sacrifice

I find no more words;Lost in the desolation,

I am becoming as nothing I have to let go, to fall in the wind.

I fall, I am set ablaze,This light is not my own!

Sinking into air and deathI cry,

And my tears become dreamsAnd my blood

The life thereof.I am become as perfectionUntainted by any one thing.

Only in this love,Perfect, passive, peaceful

Am I found whole;

I am loosing myself All in you, dear beloved!Clear as your darkness is,

I welcome its cool embrace.



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None of this is mine,I have become it all,

All in you!Reflect on me,

See your beauty and infinity Become in these dark eyes of longing.

Feel my hand grasping for you,And let us go

Into the wonder and terrorOf the cosmic expanses;

Let us embrace the totality Of our insignificance,

And expand ever outwards!Let go, give in

The hardships threatenThe fear grips

But we mist dive, you and I.How I have felt you before

How I have known youIn days long past,

In dreams and visionsHow I have seen you!

There will be no vanity here,Only clear expression of love

And devotion…I offer you what little I have



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What little I amAll of it in sacrifice

Of the sheer bidding of this heart.I know not why

But as I bleed out I am joyous in my going

In my giving In my passing.

Relief, ecstasy,Purity.

Here, I have come to lieA bed of flowers, of roses,

Scents of your sweet jasper.I lie down here to die

In you.Soft, sweet El,

Wonderful peace,Rest……

How tired I am,How very very weary

Of searching Crying

Struggling I give up now.

I am come homeTo stay.



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Crystalline Dissolution

I repose in the rapture,

In a sea of stars I gather myself;Ah, but there I no hurry,

For times exists not for us;It is all the joy of courtship,

The games before the night of union. Who comes unto whom?

I know not whether my loveIs my longing for thee,Or thy longing for me!

But these are but sweet wordsFrom the bitterness of separation-But even in these I see thy glory!

No action I may takeCan be other than towards thee!

Oh thou mighty nature,Thou art the perfect image

Of the sky above…My longing is exceeded

Only by my joy of longing;For there is no rest in my motion,

A peace amidst the Storm,Thus do I call thee typhon,



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The terror of the world;For in you I find relief

From this pain of division.I call thee destroyer

For all resistance is lost in thee,All I am is given to theeAnd I receive nothing;

Nothing, the joy of dissolution,The loss of separateness-The wonder of madness,

The frenzy of Pan!IO PAN! IO PAN!

I embrace all sensation,For it is only the outward form

Of my Love of thee.Oh thou beyond all dream-

I call thee Naught For my words pale

In the face of your perfection!Cover me,

Dissolve me,I am thine!



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The Offering

Pressing onwards dear lady I offer up all I am

For just a single kiss…I am open and bleeding;Let it all be offered up

In sacrifice and devotion.Through a thousand shimmering veils

I have glimpsed you-

From one to the next I have passed;In each a veil.Oh dear lady,

How I see you here now Shining so clearly!

Bitter tears stain your darkness

Let me in, to fall, to descendInto your night!

I will fill you with possibility; Yet how to show you what I offer?

Arms wide open,Chest gaping,

Your presence enwraps this heart,Envelopes me,

Calls me to annihilation!Oh bitter sweet end



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Draw me in,Lend me wings of emerald,

Give me flight into your unknown infinity!Let there be rapturous love songs

Unto thee!



Tears of Ascent

Weep now the angel saidFor the beauty of the Lord

Is as a heart lost to light;It is a dove that seeks its nest,

And not finding it She sings;

Your tears are the embraceOf your division;

Your broken heart Is your devotion to love-

It will make you new To the wholeness of its healing.

Cry now the angel said,For your tears are the flowering

Of the bitterness of your heart.Each tear is a dreamFor the world to see;Each drop an eternity

Of devotion.These tears are my love

As they flow from my heart.This fire will make me pure

Hymns to an Absent Goddess

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